Shortening the distance between what we "should" do & what we "can" do

[Sahamamama]

It's that time of year again -- planning, thinking, praying, researching. We've had a good year (3rd, 3rd, 5th). I'm not what I'd call nervous about next year. We actually plan to relax a bit more over the next three years (before oldest is in high school). We plan to take some roads less traveled (for us), get out in the real world, do more hands-on and practical things. But I still feel that distance between "let's do all the things" (LOL) and "this is enough."

 

What do you do to lessen the gap between what you feel you ought to do and what you realistically can do? For some reason -- perhaps because the girls are getting older? perhaps because I am tired? -- I'm having a hard time with it this year.

[OneStepAtATime]

Could you make a list of your long and short term general goals for school for this next year and the next three years (maybe have the kids make a list too) then brainstorm with the kids on how to reach those goals?  Make it fun and interactive and try hard not to pile too much on.  Add things later if you find you have the time.  

[HomeAgain]

Prioritize.  Make a list of everything you want to do, then sort it into a list from most to least, or daily/monthly/yearly.  Some things will drop right off because they pale in comparison. 

[JennyD]

No advice, but I am following this thread.  

[PeterPan]

You're allowed to redefine "ought".  :)

 

Ought could be relegated to every other year.  

Ought could be something that so pinches something else that it NOT OUGHT to pinch that it becomes a drop.

Ought could turn into good enough when accomplished in a sneaky way through another subject.

 

If your ought list and wish we could list are too close, that might be the problem.  Or maybe drop the guilt trip of ought entirely and go to MUST vs. would like.  Musts are usually pretty short.  Like we must comply with the law, we must do some math, we must read something, we must write something, we must eat.  

 

I usually start with a GOAL.  Once I know the major, over-arching goal for the year for the child, then I ask how each thing I'm considering feeds into the goal.  So for my ds this coming year it's shaping up to be social thinking.  Then ask how our history, how our literature, how our extra-currics, etc., work toward our goal of improving his social thinking.  We might decide something else that would otherwise be GOOD should be a bit LESS to make room for this goal.  I try to make goal-driven decisions and sacrifices like that.  I think we have to do that.

 

I think puberty could create that slowing down of the pace you're wanting.  My dd sort of lost her brain for a few years there, lol.  

 

I definitely think you're on the right track bringing in more hands-on.  If you can keep yourself chilled about it, it can be a really good thing.  My dd remembers EVERYTHING hands-on we did over the years.  Do it!

 

As far as "enough"?  That's always hard.  You can decide time limits for each subject and just be brutal.  That's one thing I did over the years.  You can decide one of each thing is enough, so not 3 math programs and 3 LA things and 2 sciences and history plus history co-op...  I don't know what you do, but that's another way.  I think ultimately you get comfortable with ENOUGH when you realize there was HIDDEN academic value in the not so overtly academic things they were doing.  When they start sewing and then they say hey I want to read about this and oh can we blog this and can we make a photobook...  you see they're getting in research skills, writing, art and photo editing...  It was all there, hidden.  So it can be really good to say I'm going to do *just enough* of the LA and whatnot to squeak by so we have more TIME to do this more encompassing projects.  It can be good!  They do it in school!!  Why is it that we as homeschoolers go oh no, must be separate, must be rigorous, must be rough and involve pencil and paper, or it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  

Edited May 14, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[IsabelC]

Read blogs by people who do 'less' than you do?   :laugh: 
(1. Gosh, I really feel that my child should be doing two or three math curricula.
2. Oh look, this parent thinks her 12yo is learning all the math she needs from helping buy groceries.
3. My kid definitely knows more than that. Now we can feel all smug and satisfied.)


Seriously, what they said above. Remember nobody can do all the stuff. Clarify your (and your kids') goals. Prioritize so that you do the stuff that will meet said goals.

And FOR HEAVENS SAKE don't start trying to emulate the Mythical Composite Homeschooler ;)




[Edited to fix spelling. A curriculu is not a trendy new Japanese form of curriculum.]

Edited May 14, 2016 by IsabelC

[lllll]

nm

Edited May 17, 2016 by _ ?^..

[Critterfixer]

You could always try doing nothing for a while and see how you like it! :laugh:

For me, I felt it best to prioritize the idea of masterful inactivity; aka free time. I want three hours a day for me, because I'm going to use it to write. The boys are going to spend it reading books that they like, drawing a million pictures, playing with their animals, building canals and dams in the creek and even watching documentaries on things that they want to study on their own. So the schedule gets structured to make sure we get our free time. 

[dragonflyer]

I grew up homeschooled and go back to my mom.  She schooled all of us focusing only on reading, 'riting (only 1 LA program at a time), and 'rithmatic (only 1 program).  Many writing assignments from 3rd grade on were: go find some books in the library about something you are interested in and write me a 3 page paper.  No formal music (we had a keyboard and a couple of piano books); no formal art (plenty of supplies); no formal history, science, or foreign language.

I started public high school in 10th grade and made straight A's through high school and college.

I am hoping to provide something a little richer for my own kids, but always remind myself that just the 3 r's was a solid education.  Everything else really can be learned if you have the 3 r's.

[IsabelC]

You could always try doing nothing for a while and see how you like it! :laugh:

For me, I felt it best to prioritize the idea of masterful inactivity; aka free time. I want three hours a day for me, because I'm going to use it to write. The boys are going to spend it reading books that they like, drawing a million pictures, playing with their animals, building canals and dams in the creek and even watching documentaries on things that they want to study on their own. So the schedule gets structured to make sure we get our free time. 

 

I agree that free time is really important. So when I see a shiny new program/activity/idea it's not enough just to say "is this any good?" but I need to consider "is this so valuable that it's worth giving up free time (or another activity) for?" Just asking that question whittles down the possibilities quite a bit.

 

Also as others have alluded to, if somebody has the requisite skills, new areas of content can be picked up later on. If your child doesn't learn to read confidently, this will create a major (although not insurmountable) challenge. However if she learns nothing about "military strategies of the Boer War" but has strong reading, researching, and critical thinking skills, learning that content will be a simple matter if she ever needs or wants to. There are so many resources and courses available to adult learners these days; I find it quite reassuring to reflect that so many potential learning areas can be taken up later on if they don't get covered now. Even foreign languages - an area where many people get panicky about "windows" for learning - can readily be acquired by a motivated teen / adult learner if the need / desire arises.

Edited May 15, 2016 by IsabelC

[Hobbes]

I find it quite reassuring to reflect that so many potential learning areas can be taken up later on if they don't get covered now.

I have found this thinking to be so helpful. When I consider the number of things I've learned and the areas of knowledge I've explored as an adult, I become more grateful for the solid basics of the education I received. This makes me even more committed to educating my children in a way that gives them tools and motivation so they can go forward on their own in the future, filling in the "gaps" as needed.

[Sahamamama]

I agree that free time is really important. So when I see a shiny new program/activity/idea it's not enough just to say "is this any good?" but I need to consider "is this so valuable that it's worth giving up free time (or another activity) for?" Just asking that question whittles down the possibilities quite a bit.

 

Also as others have alluded to, if somebody has the requisite skills, new areas of content can be picked up later on. If your child doesn't learn to read confidently, this will create a major (although not insurmountable) challenge. However if she learns nothing about "military strategies of the Boer War" but has strong reading, researching, and critical thinking skills, learning that content will be a simple matter if she ever needs or wants to. There are so many resources and courses available to adult learners these days; I find it quite reassuring to reflect that so many potential learning areas can be taken up later on if they don't get covered now. Even foreign languages - an area where many people get panicky about "windows" for learning - can readily be acquired by a motivated teen / adult learner if the need / desire arises.

 

I agree, and yet, perhaps this is part of why I feel a conflict between "less is more" and "pile it on." ;) In a way, as my children get older, they don't really run out of time (to learn later), but I run out of time (to get in everything I wanted to cover). Huh. I never thought of that before. That might be part of it.

 

And, just to clarify, when I say "everything I wanted to cover," I'm not talking about fitting in more programs, courses, or school materials. I suppose I'm really saying that, while academics do matter, the girls also need time to learn to cook! :) I don't care one hoot about the Boer War, but can all my children cook a healthy meal from what we have on hand, and can they (and will they) completely clean up afterward, and can they sustain that indefinitely? Because that, my dear children, is very much a part of real life for most of us.

 

It's not so much about "more subjects" as it is about trying to figure out how to work our way toward a more active, hands-on, practical life, while still maintaining the academic basics. I think I tend to get into one mode or the other -- school or NOT-school -- and have a hard time shifting gears (daily). I can and do shift gears from week to week, but that's not the same thing. When we do hands-on, active stuff, that seems to take all my energy, so there's not much left for school. But when we focus on school work, that leaves little time and energy for other things. I can't seem to find a daily rhythm that incorporates both aspects in a way that I think will grow with us over the next few years.

 

Part of it, too, may be that in this locality, we are surrounded by unschoolers who seem to have no academic expectations or requirements (so there are many calls to wade in creeks), but I'm also here (WTM boards), where the focus is on academics. While this forum has had a strong influence on my thinking, we personally know families who seem to do little to no sit-down school work. They travel, they go to the gym every day, they wade in creeks, they have large gardens, they raise chickens, they __________ (whatever it is). I honestly can't say what the kids do or don't know (not my business, anyway). Some do seem to be "behind" in academics, but they also seem to have a certain (other) kind of confidence that my kids are lacking. They know how to do real things. They get out with other people more. And they are physically fit, too.

 

I'm not blind to the differences, either pros or cons. If one child mostly is traveling, playing, cooking, and gardening for ten years, while another is sitting and working through math, grammar, and spelling courses, there are going to be differences in how those children develop. I do think my three crafty, creative, sedentary, and naive young bookworms are great kids. I also think they need some work on mental and physical toughness, better confidence with doing things independently, and more exposure to the real world. I haven't met anyone IRL who seems to have achieved the balance that I think would work for us, so I'm trying to become my own role model! :)

 

As I consider the next few years, I think there is something I'm not seeing -- of course, we've never done this before. If you've transitioned into the middle school years, how does that happen? What changes did you make in how you lived and in how your children learned? How did you find the right balance between a student having a solid academic foundation and having enough free time have more than just a well-trained mind?

Edited May 19, 2016 by Sahamamama

[ForeverFamily]

Lately I have been struggling with same dilemma. There are so many things I want to do with my kids outside of core academics, but I struggle also with the ALL school or NO school mentality. Academics keep getting in the way of how I want our homeschool to look ;). But I can in no way drop Core subjects either. I am also feeling this panic as middle school is close in sight for my oldest. I feel like I am running out of time. Not sure if any of that made any sense, but OP I feel your pain and I am so glad I am not the only one struggling with this. I will be following this thread closely. :)

[Ausmumof3]

I agree, and yet, perhaps this is part of why I feel a conflict between "less is more" and "pile it on." ;) In a way, as my children get older, they don't really run out of time (to learn later), but I run out of time (to get in everything I wanted to cover). Huh. I never thought of that before. That might be part of it.

 

And, just to clarify, when I say "everything I wanted to cover," I'm not talking about fitting in more programs, courses, or school materials. I suppose I'm really saying that, while academics do matter, the girls also need time to learn to cook! :) I don't care one hoot about the Boer War, but can all my children cook a healthy meal from what we have on hand, and can they (and will they) completely clean up afterward, and can they sustain that indefinitely? Because that, my dear children, is very much a part of real life for most of us.

 

It's not so much about "more subjects" as it is about trying to figure out how to work our way toward a more active, hands-on, practical life, while still maintaining the academic basics. I think I tend to get into one mode or the other -- school or NOT-school -- and have a hard time shifting gears (daily). I can and do shift gears from week to week, but that's not the same thing. When we do hands-on, active stuff, that seems to take all my energy, so there's not much left for school. But when we focus on school work, that leaves little time and energy for other things. I can't seem to find a daily rhythm that incorporates both aspects in a way that I think will grow with us over the next few years.

 

Part of it, too, may be that in this locality, we are surrounded by unschoolers who seem to have no academic expectations or requirements (so there are many calls to wade in creeks), but I'm also here (WTM boards), where the focus is on academics. While this forum has had a strong influence on my thinking, we personally know families who seem to do little to no sit-down school work. They travel, they go to the gym every day, they wade in creeks, they have large gardens, they raise chickens, they __________ (whatever it is). I honestly can't say what the kids do or don't know (not my business, anyway). Some do seem to be "behind" in academics, but they also seem to have a certain (other) kind of confidence that my kids are lacking. They know how to do real things. They get out with other people more. And they are physically fit, too.

 

I'm not blind to the differences, either pros or cons. If one child mostly is traveling, playing, cooking, and gardening for ten years, while another is sitting and working through math, grammar, and spelling courses, there are going to be differences in how those children develop. I do think my three crafty, creative, sedentary, and naive young bookworms are great kids. I also think they need some work on mental and physical toughness, better confidence with doing things independently, and more exposure to the real world. I haven't met anyone IRL who seems to have achieved the balance that I think would work for us, so I'm trying to become my own role model! :)

 

As I consider the next few years, I think there is something I'm not seeing -- of course, we've never done this before. If you've transitioned into the middle school years, how does that happen? What changes did you make in how you lived and in how your children learned? How did you find the right balance between a student having a solid academic foundation and having enough free time have more than just a well-trained mind?

One thing I notice is that when my kids are physically well exercised and cared for they absorb academic subjects much more quickly. So free time can help them learn efficiently as long as it isn't iPad or video time (not that I think that's all bad but not as a mental restorative).

[FO4UR]

I am in a time of transition right now.  I think it is a middle school thing.  Their needs change big-time!

 

Analogy:

 

When I clean out a closet, I empty the whole thing.  Dump everything.  Then I vacuum and wipe it down.  I usually enjoy the empty space for a few minutes and envision what I want it to look like when I'm done.  Only then do I start going through all the items.  "Is this worth taking up space?" and "How often do I use it?" and "Does this go better tucked inside another thing?"

 

 

I think a homeschool mom can look at her schedule in the same manner.  Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and had zero currics on your shelf, zero outside obligations, and just zero zero zero pulls on your time except for caring for the basic needs of the kids.

 

What would you do with the kids if you had that complete freedom? Envision what YOU think their days ought to look like.

 

If you were magically thrown into one of Hunter's imaginary scenarios where you had to school with only one small footlocker, what would you take?  (Hey, you could get by on that now...and without the natural disaster or zombie invasion.)

 

Once you've got that vision in your head, then take a cold, hard look at the items.  Grammar and Spelling are "keeps," but I can tuck those inside copywork and dictation and save a lot of space. Logic is nice, but for this year we can get by with beefing up word problems in math instead of adding a whole other curric. If you have a child with an LD or SN, those things that help them are priority.

 

Learning how to care for themselves is a Big Deal.  If they are 18yo with full ride scholarships to an Ivy league Uni, but cannot boil water, they are in deep trouble!!!  You are 100% on the right path to follow that nudging to teach them real life skills!  And, I'm right there with you. 

 

It helps me to compartmentalize my day.  We do what we can do during school hours and move along.  We do what we can do during chore hour and move along.  We do what we can do on the shopping day and move along.  We never do all I hoped to accomplish, but life moves along.

 

I just joined the YMCA. It's a 25minute drive for my family. But my kids NEED this.  They need the physical exercise.  They need to get.out.of.the.HOUSE!  They climbed trees and rode bikes and ran around outside when they were little kids.  In this middle school stage (and after a move to a different style neighborhood), they aren't playing like they used. to.  So, the Y fills a gap.  We leave the house at 7:30 am and don't get back home until 10:30.  But, the kids were wasting that morning time anyway with dragging of feet and bickering.  (And I can get in a workout with my little one in childare.  I matter too, by golly!) 

 

Shortening the time available to complete their work help to motivate them to get it done before their friends come knocking on the door. It forces me to critique our materials carefully.  Those are good things.

 

 

 

[Critterfixer]

 

And, just to clarify, when I say "everything I wanted to cover," I'm not talking about fitting in more programs, courses, or school materials. I suppose I'm really saying that, while academics do matter, the girls also need time to learn to cook!  :) I don't care one hoot about the Boer War, but can all my children cook a healthy meal from what we have on hand, and can they (and will they) completely clean up afterward, and can they sustain that indefinitely? Because that, my dear children, is very much a part of real life for most of us.

 

I will say, that although I consider myself a very good cook and a decent housekeeper, I didn't practice either of those skills as a child, AT ALL. You can ask my mum. :laugh: I came to enjoy cooking through a love of chemistry, and a love of eating. Housekeeping and time management came about solely because I wanted more time to read and write. It might behoove me to develop of love of gardening someday, but I can tell you that it will be rooted in trying to figure out what tomatoes and cucumbers do best in my soil, just as beekeeping my way will one day involve determining what forage is most reliable and whether top bar grows better bees than Langstroth. Just about everything I end up doing that has a practical application had its roots in some sort of academic interest that grew.

 

 

 

[HomeAgain]

My oldest and I just had a conversation tonight after watching a really cheesy "documentary".  The people were all convinced they were right, because they had evidence shown to them that pointed that way.  And the two of us got to talking, and we came to the conclusion that you could be taught or you could be educated.  Being taught is one sided, almost passive.  Someone comes and shows you how. They determine when and how.  And that's great.  Sometimes, that's what we need.  But to be educated, you take those opportunities and you also go out and seek your own.  You take your time and decide what you want to know, then go about finding resources, look at various teachings, and connect thoughts between the new and the old.

 

I will never worry about teaching my kids after that conversation.  About making sure they're educated, absolutely.

[LMD]

4blessingmom, thanks for your post! Reading it was like coming up for oxygen.

[FO4UR]

My oldest and I just had a conversation tonight after watching a really cheesy "documentary".  The people were all convinced they were right, because they had evidence shown to them that pointed that way.  And the two of us got to talking, and we came to the conclusion that you could be taught or you could be educated.  Being taught is one sided, almost passive.  Someone comes and shows you how. They determine when and how.  And that's great.  Sometimes, that's what we need.  But to be educated, you take those opportunities and you also go out and seek your own.  You take your time and decide what you want to know, then go about finding resources, look at various teachings, and connect thoughts between the new and the old.

 

I will never worry about teaching my kids after that conversation.  About making sure they're educated, absolutely.

 

:iagree:

 

The mind feeds on ideas. Bring ideas to the table. Let them chew and digest on their own.

 

 

 

4blessingmom, thanks for your post! Reading it was like coming up for oxygen.

 

:grouphug:  

[EndOfOrdinary]

We will be finishing 6th grade here in just a weekish. Though we still school through the summer, our Memorial Day Camp out is the technical end of the school yesr.

 

This year has greatly caused me to scale back academically. Ds still used programs that are sound, but they are not "ideal." He did not need ideal. He needed knock-him-in-the-face explicit. He needed programs that left so little up to executive function that he could really be successful.

 

Now, at the end, he is actually starting to see the tiny bit each day which he put in becoming a smoother road than procrastinate and cram. There is a glimmer of understanding that people who were trying to scaffold new skills were not just taking over or demanding. They were using their knowledge to help. He can and does feed himself (with occassional prompting). He gets up and does schoolwork. We are still working on bathing and grooming....

 

For whatever reason, these life skills took real front and center this year. It was very obvious that choosing either academics or lifeskills focus was going to be necessary. I cannot say for next year, but 6th was not a "school" heavy year here.

[Supergirl9801]

 

And, just to clarify, when I say "everything I wanted to cover," I'm not talking about fitting in more programs, courses, or school materials. I suppose I'm really saying that, while academics do matter, the girls also need time to learn to cook! :) I don't care one hoot about the Boer War, but can all my children cook a healthy meal from what we have on hand, and can they (and will they) completely clean up afterward, and can they sustain that indefinitely? Because that, my dear children, is very much a part of real life for most of us.

 

It's not so much about "more subjects" as it is about trying to figure out how to work our way toward a more active, hands-on, practical life, while still maintaining the academic basics. I think I tend to get into one mode or the other -- school or NOT-school -- and have a hard time shifting gears (daily). I can and do shift gears from week to week, but that's not the same thing. When we do hands-on, active stuff, that seems to take all my energy, so there's not much left for school. But when we focus on school work, that leaves little time and energy for other things. I can't seem to find a daily rhythm that incorporates both aspects in a way that I think will grow with us over the next few years.....

 

 

....As I consider the next few years, I think there is something I'm not seeing -- of course, we've never done this before. If you've transitioned into the middle school years, how does that happen? What changes did you make in how you lived and in how your children learned? How did you find the right balance between a student having a solid academic foundation and having enough free time have more than just a well-trained mind?

Yours are pretty close to mine in age (mine are heading into 4th and 6th), so I'll tell you that this past year was a HUGE change for us.  I had to start working more so I started demanding the kids to help more with chores around the house.  They really stepped up.  Was everything done as well as I would've done/liked.  No.  Lowering my standards and giving them the independence to "keep" our house has made huge changes though.  I'm also learning to prioritize.  Get done with them what needs to be done WITH ME and let them do what they can on their own WITHOUT ME.  They need my help getting them through their instructional time with Math, LA, Science, Etc.  They don't need my help doing the worksheets, and really just need oversight working through projects.  I do take summer time to prep for the following year.  I'm already working on next year this is my plan too.  Particularly with projects.  I find that if I don't have all the supplies and things prepped and planned out prior then we just won't do it.  It needs to be easy peasy during the year b/c things come up.  

 

I'm also saying NO to more things.  Co-Op is being reserved for actual educational classes.  If we're going to leave the house for something, then it needs to be worth it AND pertain to what we're actually studying!  Why take a trip to pan for gold if we're studying Ancient History (YKWIM?).  Yeah it sounds fun, but, let's save it for when we get there.  Try to connect with people locally (or even online) that are studying the same things AND keep the same pace as you do.  I find sticking with a smaller group is much better anyway.  That's not to say that the occasional "park day" or "play date" still doesn't have it's benefits.  However, one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard at a Homeschool Convention had to do with teaching multiple kids.  They said to teach to the oldest and let the rest follow along. I've only got 2 but I know many with multiples that have started implenting this approach and it works great.

[BlsdMama]

 

 

As I consider the next few years, I think there is something I'm not seeing -- of course, we've never done this before. If you've transitioned into the middle school years, how does that happen? What changes did you make in how you lived and in how your children learned? How did you find the right balance between a student having a solid academic foundation and having enough free time have more than just a well-trained mind?

 

Interestingly enough, I had time to re-listen to SWB on Reading Revival podcast tonight and I was thinking on foundational  things.

 

I like the CM approach of "morning lessons" and then having a functional, intentional afternoon.  What does that look like?  Rather just filling facts and covering topics, I now think in terms of laying foundation.  What do I want them to be able to do/accomplish in high school?  Am I there?  What must I do to get there?  For some kids this is just going to be reading widely and deeply.  For others this is going to not only be working on math, but making them quicker and more automatic at computation.  Some children need more logic and more writing experience. Middle school years, for multiple reasons, are actually harder than high school, IMO.  But what I've really discovered is these are the foundation years.  Your child needs to be doing math compuation, be a strong reader, and have strong comprehension abilities so that they are not hindered by these things when covering deeper and wider material in high school.

 

I think that looks like strong lessons in foundations throughout the morning, heavy reading and digging deep into interests in the afternoon and evening... Using their time and learning the "executive functions" so that not only are they physically/mentally capable of high school work but so they are also able to manage and balance these things as well as push themselves more through high school.  Because, just as middle school is prep for high school, so high school is prep for college. 

 

ETA: And when you talk about things like - teaching your child to cook, I would not falsely add in a cooking class to my schedule.  I'd insist that they work alongside you - so that you mentor them more than teach them.  This instills not only the abilities you are looking to give but also ties in the relationship you'll need during those teen years.

Edited May 23, 2016 by BlsdMama

[Minerva]

I agree, and yet, perhaps this is part of why I feel a conflict between "less is more" and "pile it on." ;) In a way, as my children get older, they don't really run out of time (to learn later), but I run out of time (to get in everything I wanted to cover). Huh. I never thought of that before. That might be part of it.

 

And, just to clarify, when I say "everything I wanted to cover," I'm not talking about fitting in more programs, courses, or school materials. I suppose I'm really saying that, while academics do matter, the girls also need time to learn to cook! :) I don't care one hoot about the Boer War, but can all my children cook a healthy meal from what we have on hand, and can they (and will they) completely clean up afterward, and can they sustain that indefinitely? Because that, my dear children, is very much a part of real life for most of us.

 

It's not so much about "more subjects" as it is about trying to figure out how to work our way toward a more active, hands-on, practical life, while still maintaining the academic basics. I think I tend to get into one mode or the other -- school or NOT-school -- and have a hard time shifting gears (daily). I can and do shift gears from week to week, but that's not the same thing. When we do hands-on, active stuff, that seems to take all my energy, so there's not much left for school. But when we focus on school work, that leaves little time and energy for other things. I can't seem to find a daily rhythm that incorporates both aspects in a way that I think will grow with us over the next few years.

 

Part of it, too, may be that in this locality, we are surrounded by unschoolers who seem to have no academic expectations or requirements (so there are many calls to wade in creeks), but I'm also here (WTM boards), where the focus is on academics. While this forum has had a strong influence on my thinking, we personally know families who seem to do little to no sit-down school work. They travel, they go to the gym every day, they wade in creeks, they have large gardens, they raise chickens, they __________ (whatever it is). I honestly can't say what the kids do or don't know (not my business, anyway). Some do seem to be "behind" in academics, but they also seem to have a certain (other) kind of confidence that my kids are lacking. They know how to do real things. They get out with other people more. And they are physically fit, too.

 

I'm not blind to the differences, either pros or cons. If one child mostly is traveling, playing, cooking, and gardening for ten years, while another is sitting and working through math, grammar, and spelling courses, there are going to be differences in how those children develop. I do think my three crafty, creative, sedentary, and naive young bookworms are great kids. I also think they need some work on mental and physical toughness, better confidence with doing things independently, and more exposure to the real world. I haven't met anyone IRL who seems to have achieved the balance that I think would work for us, so I'm trying to become my own role model! :)

 

As I consider the next few years, I think there is something I'm not seeing -- of course, we've never done this before. If you've transitioned into the middle school years, how does that happen? What changes did you make in how you lived and in how your children learned? How did you find the right balance between a student having a solid academic foundation and having enough free time have more than just a well-trained mind?

 

I am quoting you because you did such a good job articulating what I often feel. How do you have the Well Rounded Person not just the WTM?

 

Since my very first days of homeschooling, when my dd was in Kinder, I have vacillated between rigorous and unschooly. I have finally settled (for now) on rigorous schooling in the morning, trying really hard to be done by noon each day, and very free learning in the afternoons. We get lots of time in for cooking, swimming, blabbing, creating. It isn't perfect and I sometimes feel like one side or the other is lacking, but it is the best balance I have found so far. I have whittled the core subjects down to the barest of bones (read, write, math) and do my best to create a good environment for unstructured learning the rest of the day. 

[BlsdMama]

I am wondering if folks wouldn't benefit from looking at SWB's "snapshots" on her blog?  I think there you would get a picture of the well rounded person, not simply WTM.  ;)

[eternallytired]

You're allowed to redefine "ought".   :)

 

Ought could be relegated to every other year.  

Ought could be something that so pinches something else that it NOT OUGHT to pinch that it becomes a drop.

Ought could turn into good enough when accomplished in a sneaky way through another subject.

 

If your ought list and wish we could list are too close, that might be the problem.  Or maybe drop the guilt trip of ought entirely and go to MUST vs. would like.  Musts are usually pretty short.  Like we must comply with the law, we must do some math, we must read something, we must write something, we must eat.  

 

I usually start with a GOAL.  Once I know the major, over-arching goal for the year for the child, then I ask how each thing I'm considering feeds into the goal.  So for my ds this coming year it's shaping up to be social thinking.  Then ask how our history, how our literature, how our extra-currics, etc., work toward our goal of improving his social thinking.  We might decide something else that would otherwise be GOOD should be a bit LESS to make room for this goal.  I try to make goal-driven decisions and sacrifices like that.  I think we have to do that.

 

I think puberty could create that slowing down of the pace you're wanting.  My dd sort of lost her brain for a few years there, lol.  

 

I definitely think you're on the right track bringing in more hands-on.  If you can keep yourself chilled about it, it can be a really good thing.  My dd remembers EVERYTHING hands-on we did over the years.  Do it!

 

As far as "enough"?  That's always hard.  You can decide time limits for each subject and just be brutal.  That's one thing I did over the years.  You can decide one of each thing is enough, so not 3 math programs and 3 LA things and 2 sciences and history plus history co-op...  I don't know what you do, but that's another way.  I think ultimately you get comfortable with ENOUGH when you realize there was HIDDEN academic value in the not so overtly academic things they were doing.  When they start sewing and then they say hey I want to read about this and oh can we blog this and can we make a photobook...  you see they're getting in research skills, writing, art and photo editing...  It was all there, hidden.  So it can be really good to say I'm going to do *just enough* of the LA and whatnot to squeak by so we have more TIME to do this more encompassing projects.  It can be good!  They do it in school!!  Why is it that we as homeschoolers go oh no, must be separate, must be rigorous, must be rough and involve pencil and paper, or it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  

I just wanted to chip in that this (particularly the portions I highlighted) was exactly what I needed to hear right now.  I keep reading about X, Y, and Z awesome summer camps and A, B, and C fieldtrip opportunities and a gazillion classes and co-ops, and I feel bad that we don't have enough time and money to provide it all.  Since reading this a week or so ago, it keeps flitting into my head every time I see some shiny new opportunity that makes me feel pulled to add one more thing to our lives.  We don't have it all, but we have ENOUGH, and ENOUGH is just what we need.

 

 

[Critterfixer]

 

I just wanted to chip in that this (particularly the portions I highlighted) was exactly what I needed to hear right now.  I keep reading about X, Y, and Z awesome summer camps and A, B, and C fieldtrip opportunities and a gazillion classes and co-ops, and I feel bad that we don't have enough time and money to provide it all.  Since reading this a week or so ago, it keeps flitting into my head every time I see some shiny new opportunity that makes me feel pulled to add one more thing to our lives.  We don't have it all, but we have ENOUGH, and ENOUGH is just what we need.

 

Nothing more to add, but when I saw your user name, I thought it was eternallyfried. And I thought, "Wow, that's some honesty!" :lol:

[...................]

((hugs)) I hearby once and for all renounce the SHOULDS!!! 

 

This is about MY kids and MY life and what God has called them to be and to do!  Not someone else's.  THis year was another big learning curve and wake up call for me in exactly this area.  

 

I hope we can all find balance and strive for whatever WE are called to do and OUR kids and not an external idea of it.  :o)

 

 

[goldenecho]

I'm the opposite.  My mom did try to teach me those things (chores and cooking) but she was such a perfectionist about it she both ended up doing it herself most of the time (I had very few chores growing up in the end) and probably turned me off to it (I will NEVER tell my kids "If you're going to do something, do it right, or not at all."  Yeah, I want my kids to do a good job...but with chores, I'd prefer they do it adequately than choose the "not at all" option).   I learned how to do chores but I never learned how to do them well (my house is in a continual state of messy...my "I cleaned all week" brings me to others "sorry my house is a mess today."   I don't have this burning desire to teach my kids chores and housework...save  so they can do some and share my burden so I'm not doing it all.  I teach my kids cooking cause they ask, and in that moment, it dawns on me that "oh, they need to know that."  But history and art and writing and web design I teach them because I love it and I want them to experience the thrill of learning about these things (plus I think learning about history makes you a better citizen, and a better voter--though I don't think anyone can learn all there is to know and it's so hard making choices on what parts of history to teach them).   Science I teach them because they love it and are teaching me to love it. 

 

I will say, that although I consider myself a very good cook and a decent housekeeper, I didn't practice either of those skills as a child, AT ALL. You can ask my mum. :laugh: I came to enjoy cooking through a love of chemistry, and a love of eating. Housekeeping and time management came about solely because I wanted more time to read and write. It might behoove me to develop of love of gardening someday, but I can tell you that it will be rooted in trying to figure out what tomatoes and cucumbers do best in my soil, just as beekeeping my way will one day involve determining what forage is most reliable and whether top bar grows better bees than Langstroth. Just about everything I end up doing that has a practical application had its roots in some sort of academic interest that grew.

 

Edited May 26, 2016 by goldenecho

[goldenecho]

Following this conversation because I'm having a similar dilema.

 

My middle child will be joining my youngest child for one year only ...6th grade (because he hasn't wanted to until now, and there are things I want him to experience in 7th and because my husband isn't as keen on him homeschooling since he does so well in public school). 

 

I HAVE to keep him up in math and science so he'll be prepared for next year.  I think I can go a slightly different direction for history and English without it hampering him.  There are so many other things I would LOVE to add on this year.  So many things I come across and think..."this would be so great to teach him while he's home".  But it's gonna be hard just doing all the HAVE TOs.  A few want tos I'm going to insist on, cause this is my ONE YEAR with him...but choosing which ones is really hard.

Edited May 26, 2016 by goldenecho