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Our best friends left, lost on how to find new friends


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A little history on us... We have been homeschooling for a year, currently in grades 2, 5, and 6 (and a grade 3 who is still in public school). Our family had another family that we were great friends with. They had kids that were the same age as our kids. Everybody got along, they were our best friends for 7 years. Now they have moved and left a huge void in our daily lives. I am a one good friend kind of person, I just don't need a lot of drama in my life and that works well for us.

 

Since we met them while the kids were still in public school, I am at a loss for how to meet other friends for the kids. They are pretty easy going kids that make friends really easily, I just need to give them the opportunity to meet other kids. They occasionally interact with other kids from the Calvert School program they are in, but they have never really found someone they want to talk to outside of school.

 

Any ideas about where to meet kids? We don't participate in any homeschool groups because I haven't really found a good one in our area. This summer is going to be long and boring if I can't figure something out. Thanks!

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Do your kids do any extra curriculars?  Are there any other families in your neighborhood that have similar age kids?  I know you say you haven't found any good homeschooling groups.  Why do you think they aren't a good fit for your family?  Are there any homeschooling social groups you could at least just try out?  What about a local YMCA?  Maybe some trips to the park?

 

Are you an introvert?  If so, that may make this much harder.  You will have to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone to find other people and it may take time. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Edited by OneStepAtATime
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Sunday school

church group

Awanas

 

homeschool co-op classes

Parks and Rec classes/activities

library summer youth programs

 

after school club -- chess, robotics, electronics, book club, etc.

after school bowling league

 

swim team

sports team/sports league

gymnastics classes

martial arts classes

specialty activity/classes -- fencing, horseback riding, etc.

dance classes

cheerleading group

 

community youth theater
all-ages community group -- hiking, orienteering, model railroading
all-ages history recreation group

 

 

 

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That is my biggest problem, or my kids' biggest problem - I am a huge introvert. I want my kids to have friends and have fun, but I would love to stay at home :) I see my oldest becoming the same way, my second has always been that way. I'm okay with it. I don't feel lonely. I have a fantastic husband that I met during my more outgoing years. We have a son with developmental disabilities and a daughter with Type 1 diabetes, these things can be very isolating and they are part of the reason I have cut the world off.

 

The homeschooling groups in our area are not very active, and the people in them seem to already really know each other. I'm not much for feeling like an outsider. We usually join the YMCA for the summer, but the kids have never met anyone there. We don't have a lot of extra money for classes (see above medical issues). We don't go to church, although I have considered going for the kids.

 

Good ideas to look into, thanks! We have a huge church not too far away that is supposed to have great youth groups and a lot of volunteer opportunities. That's a good place to start.

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...The homeschooling groups in our area are not very active, and the people in them seem to already really know each other. I'm not much for feeling like an outsider...

 

An introvert here, too. I found that by hosting events or organizing field trips, I got to know people in my homeschool group -- other homeschool moms LOVE to have someone organize things to give them a break. Maybe try sacrificing a bit of your emotional energy early next school year by being the organizer in the fall, and you might meet/make some friends and by spring you'll have regular play dates set up. Maybe those homeschoolers are all pretty introverted, too, and all it would take is you being willing to be the brave/bold one to step out there… Just a thought! :)

 

Or, if any of the homeschool groups have a website or Facebook page, maybe post that you're looking for like-minded homeschoolers to a few summer activities with, and would like to meet for a field trip or a park day, or to go swimming, or you'd like to host a summer "kids run through the sprinklers" and eat popsicles, or come over for some Lego-ing, or… you get the idea -- whatever you feel you're up for handling. :)

 

 

...The homeschooling groups in our area are not very active...

We usually join the YMCA for the summer, but the kids have never met anyone there

We don't have a lot of extra money for classes (see above medical issues)

We don't go to church, although I have considered going for the kids.

 

Good ideas to look into, thanks! We have a huge church not too far away that is supposed to have great youth groups and a lot of volunteer opportunities. That's a good place to start.

 

 

And… forgot the most obvious one of all -- your neighborhood. Any kids on your block, or within 2 blocks of your home? Maybe start doing a family walk around the neighborhood at 2pm, or whenever the schools get out in your area. Neighborhood community pools can also be a great way to meet neighbors. Good luck! :)

Edited by Lori D.
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How far away is that family moving?

 

My best friend and I are about 5 hours away. We used to live in the same neighborhood 😩

 

We now visit each other at least 5 times a year or more. We make it work because we love each other and our kids do to!

Is it possible to make a few family trips a year to see each other?

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I'm an introvert as well, but it isn't great to cut yourself off especially when you have children with physical issues as you and your dc may need a support network. It's good for our mental health to have people to talk to and do things with. It might also be nice for your dd to meet some other youth with diabetes, or simply with similar interests. I've one dd among three brothers, and she really does need some time with other girls, and a chance to get away from the boys.

 

For you personally, I'd look for a place to meet other ladies, not necessarily with children, so that you can have people just for you. Do you have a hobby, or wish to join some kind of fitness class (yoga, Zumba, walking, badminton, etc.), or a choir? It's good to have something concrete to do if you don't want to feel pressure to talk.

 

Good luck!

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An introvert here, too. I found that by hosting events or organizing field trips, I got to know people in my homeschool group -- other homeschool moms LOVE to have someone organize things to give them a break. 

 

:iagree:   What do your kids enjoy?   If it's knitting, host a weekly knitting circle for homeschooled kids.  Hire a teacher for an art class or a fun math class or something at your home.  You'll find students who share interests with your kids, and eventually you'll identify families who share your outlook.  It isn't easy, but sometimes you just need to put yourself out there.  Like Lori said, we parents *love* it when someone else organizes a fun or educational event for our kids!  

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Yep, they were military and they moved their dream place to be now that he is out. We are in Colorado, they moved to Florida. No visits for us :( They were here with us for all the medical diagnosis. We never had to worry about our son's "odd" behavior or pulling out the insulin shot at lunch for our daughter. They grieved every life change with us. Okay, pity party over...

 

Thank you for all of the suggestions! It's hard to put myself out there, but I know I need to do it for the kids. Church, YMCA, homeschooling groups, those are my next places to look. (I think) I can do this!

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There are lots of places to meet other kids, but if you want to become closer friends, you should expect to invite people over a lot.  My personal experience is that whether someone homeschools or ps schools or private schools, 95% won't initiate inviting people over to their house to get to know each other better.  Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, you have to get over it and take the bull by the horns and make it happen.  (I'm an introvert, by the way.) You'll have to invite lots of different people over.  Odds are the first family you pick won't be a great match because....life. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.  Don't resent it.  Don't tell yourself about fairness or reciprocation or whatever.  Just do it. Create multiple social circles and plan on hosting and planning stuff because most people are passive and reactive rather than assertive and proactive. They're not going to knock on your door, they're not going to plan to have you over, they're not going to introduce themselves, they're not going call you.  You have to make it happen.

When I moved in to our new house I spent a week moving in and waiting for the neighbors to knock on my door and introduce themselves.  It didn't happen.  So I went and knocked on all of their doors and introduced myself and my youngest.  I live in one of those huge suburban neighborhoods with hundreds of cookie cutter houses right next to each other.  I met one family that's a decent fit but not exactly.  When the new neighbor moved in next door, I went over a few days after they moved in with flowers in hand and introduced myself and my youngest (they homeschool and have a 3 year old and a 5 year old.) I invited them to dinner and gave them info for the nearby homeschool PE class.

When rumor had it homeschoolers with a red conversion van and a bunch of kids moved in nearby, I kept my eyes open and when I saw them driving into the neighborhood, I followed them (I was parked getting mail from the community mailbox) to see which house it was.  A day or two later, I went with flowers in hand and introduced myself. They have 7 kids, are crazy busy and two of the kids are deathly allergic to cats (I have 3 indoor cats)  so we exchanged numbers and the next door neighbor will be hosting a lunch for all of us and a neighbor interested in homeschooling when her oldest is 5,  when her sister who is visiting leaves, because she's petless.

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...When rumor had it homeschoolers with a red conversion van and a bunch of kids moved in nearby, I kept my eyes open and when I saw them driving into the neighborhood, I followed them (I was parked getting mail from the community mailbox) to see which house it was...

 

That's another strategy I failed to include: "Stalking".  :smilielol5:   [You know I'm just teasing you, Homeschool Mom in AZ!]

 

 

Unfortunately that has often been the case here as to what Homeschool Mom in AZ described above -- having to host a lot until some friendships click, and then the other family finally can start including us in their schedule and reciprocating. It's exhausting, but it does work.

Edited by Lori D.
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I stalked someone ala the above method, seeing a lady through the window pushing a stroller.  I ran out 6 months pregnant and stopped her.  Our kids didn't really hit it off long-term, but there were some years when she (and various other neighbors) and I would get together for play dates, which was a good way for us to socialize.  It is good to know neighbors anyway, since something can come up that you need a neighbor to help with.  We have helped each other out through the years here and there.

 

Sports have been our "in" here for the boys, and also scouts-type groups (for little dd).

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