Should I start slowing her down?

[rwilk]

Our current intention is to homeschool DD(4) based both on her advances and delays (ie she has the speech of a 2 yr old but the grammar and language of a 9 year old).  I am doing all the homeschooling at this point, totally interest based, but semi-structured. I've been surprised at how fast she's moving along---she reads/comprehends at about a 3rd grade level, can add/subtract most numbers if I help her with the physical writing, and is starting to get multiplication/division.  She has an IEP for gross motor, sensory, and speech issues, and we take her to the district 1x a week for therapies only.

 

Here's where things get tricky.  DH's job ends either the end of July or the end of Sept, and he doesn't have anything lined up for next year yet (he's been trying).  His field hires in year long cycles, so if he doesn't have anything by the time this job ends, he's pretty much out of work for a year in his field.  That would mean I would have to go back to work.  DH feels he can't homeschool DD because he doesn't know how to work with her, and I agree. He hates watching her struggle (having trouble fitting in a puzzle piece---he's your guy!), and learning is all about the struggle. She often doesn't want to know the answer to something---she wants to know how to think through something.  He views any frustration as a stopping point.  

 

I guess if I go back to work, we'll send her to school temporarily.  But I'm afraid that she'll be hopelessly bored in a K classroom, and it's only going to get worse.  Should I seriously slow her down? How? 

[Carpe]

You can't slow a kid down. But you can focus on non-academic skills and hope that she doesn't pick up on school related skills without direct instruction.

 

Depending on what she likes, there are lots of fun things that school doesn't cover. And you could continue to support growth in her weak areas. So instead of math and reading, you do cooking and speech or knitting and yoga or sensory play and singing etc.

[boscopup]

Sounds like she's well ahead of her age in everything but writing, correct? I'd just let her do a lot of reading, provide plenty of art/craft type materials to mess with, and let her play. When you are at home, you can work on handwriting with her and "play" with math. At her age, 30 minutes is plenty. So your husband would only have to be taking her to the library and making sure she knows how to clean up craft type stuff after using it. :) You don't need formal school yet. It really is ok. (and I'm NOT an unschooler type)

 

Btw, my middle son was speech delayed and has issues with handwriting. He wasn't ready to start learning to write letters until after he turned 6. We started in the second half of his K year (he has a November birthday, which has been a good thing for him). So while he was working ahead in math, he was barely learning to write letters. I just went at his pace. His writing is coming along. Still a struggle point at age 9, but it's improving hugely this year. His reading has taken off, and he's still ahead in math. My main concern is that he'll be ready for higher math before he's ready to organize it on paper, but we'll see. I was shocked when he wrote exponents neatly yesterday during math, so maybe he'll be ok. We might be doing Prealgebra on wide ruled paper though. :) He can line stuff up pretty well, but he can't really write small yet.

[kiana]

I really wouldn't try to slow her down. If she's bright enough to move far ahead, she's still going to be bright enough to learn everything that they teach in school far faster than everyone else and be bored anyway. So what you'd really be doing is making her bored now on the off chance that you can make her just a little less bored in future.

 

I wouldn't specifically try to move her ahead, either (I'd focus heavily on enrichment topics that are not well done in PS, using books such as the zaccaro books for math, teaching non-western civilizations and ancient history for social studies, etc.) but I think there's a difference between trying to slow a child down and deliberately trying to push them ahead. 

 

I also think that, quite honestly, at that age you could do all the formal learning she needs in less than an hour and simply have your husband read to her and play with her, so I don't think you necessarily have to put her in PS next year even if he doesn't get a job. 

[slackermom]

Maybe DH could learn something new about how to interact with your child over the course of the year.

 

In any case, as pp have said, especially at that age, learning time can be condensed without slowing down much. My daughter really enjoyed "bath time math" when she was little. I would bring in a small white board, and we would ask each other math questions. I did all of the writing. Other math activities include baking, weighing fruit at the grocery store, putting coins in the parking meter, etc. We just had an ongoing conversation about math topics.

 

[Targhee]

You don't have to slow her down, just point her in other directions.  Instead of working on doing additional and subtraction, work on complex patterning, work on logic games, work on puzzles.  Instead of just reading higher grade level books, work on poetry, audiobooks/read alouds, word play, breaking apart sounds (in preparation for spelling), etc.  If you want to move in the traditional direction on anything I think fine motor would be appropriate - cutting and pasting, coloring, building toys, lacing and sewing, play dough, etc.  Also gross muscle strength (shoulders, core, neck, etc) all contribute to writing ability.  Do things which require her to move her body weight with her arms (climbing ropes, swimming) or stabilize her core (balance boards, balance beams, etc). 

 

 

[rwilk]

Thank you all for the suggestions.  Part of the problem is that her "play," if not otherwise structured, would just involve her sitting for hours and reading books.  Pile after pile of books. She'll sometimes make up complicated stories she wants to dictate to us, but almost always her play is reading based.  If we want her to do something like puzzles, crafts, playgrounds, we have to force the issue, and somehow link it to books.  (Let's go to the playground and play Phantom Tollbooth!  You can use your scooter to get around Dictionapolis.)  

 

We typically do most formal-ish work in about 30-45 minutes a day, not counting work that she has to do as part of her OT or speech.  Saturdays I let her read as much as she wants. It's a party.

 

It's a fair point that I could probably do anything educational-y with her after I get home.  It's not like it takes all that long at her age.  

[deerforest]

Honestly, I would just let your DH and her have a wonderful year at home and about exploring museums, the outdoors, field trips etc. DH was a SAHD until DD was 6, and I've always worked. I've always the one to do school-y things with her even when I was the only one who worked. But, she learned so much with him doing things the way he did it. They were never home during those years before he went to work because they were always out on some adventure. That was amazing stuff, and DD still remembers (and misses!) those times.

 

I'll also admit that we spent DD's entire K year learning about mammalian birth. Yep, that's it. We had a rough year of medical issues and transitions, and that's what she was interested in (probably because many of her friend's moms were pregnant.) We also didn't really do any "real" math until midway through her 2nd year. 

 

She's going into 7th soon, and nothing about her is on grade level. She's still advanced at most things and still behind the norm on some others. It's just the reality of my 2e girl, and really nothing I did in those early years mattered a whole lot, as it turns out. I'm not saying that's true for everyone, but that's really how it's played out for us. 

Edited May 1, 2016 by deerforest

[Jackie]

Thank you all for the suggestions. Part of the problem is that her "play," if not otherwise structured, would just involve her sitting for hours and reading books. Pile after pile of books. She'll sometimes make up complicated stories she wants to dictate to us, but almost always her play is reading based. If we want her to do something like puzzles, crafts, playgrounds, we have to force the issue, and somehow link it to books. (Let's go to the playground and play Phantom Tollbooth! You can use your scooter to get around Dictionapolis.

I intentionally have to schedule my daughter to death because otherwise she wouldn't move - all books and art. She therefore has gymnastics, dance, swim, tennis, roller skating, homeschool park day... And, of course, library day though at least we walk to the library. If there isn't something else scheduled, it turns into a field trip day. Would something like this work for your daughter and husband?

 

FWIW, every time I though we were working sideways or that DD was slowing down, she just took those concepts and applied them to her more formal learning and made bigger and faster leaps.

[Targhee]

I intentionally have to schedule my daughter to death because otherwise she wouldn't move - all books and art. She therefore has gymnastics, dance, swim, tennis, roller skating, homeschool park day... And, of course, library day though at least we walk to the library. If there isn't something else scheduled, it turns into a field trip day. Would something like this work for your daughter and husband?

 

FWIW, every time I though we were working sideways or that DD was slowing down, she just took those concepts and applied them to her more formal learning and made bigger and faster leaps.

One thing to keep in mind, just because they have focused interests right now that are narrow does not mean they will never develop their other, future interests. All them to become satiated in something and they will move one to something new. Of course variety and physical exercise are important, but the child may just need to satisfy their curiosity in one thing before moving on.

[Arcadia]

Firstly. I won't put her in school unless your husband has difficulties looking after her while you are at work. I know SAHD with kids in school because not everyone (mom and/or dad) are great at looking after kids from 7:30am to past 7pm sometimes due to peak hour traffic. If he can't handle the academics but have no issues with looking after her while you work, then you can always do academics after your work.

 

Secondly, I don't think it is possible to slow a child down when they want to charge ahead. They may have to backfill gaps or they may not. You can add on lots of enrichment but some kids are very one track mind at whatever moment in time.

 

Thirdly, my DS11 reads everywhere, even at the park or McDonalds or hotel lobby. We made our boys go for gym class because their motor skills were obviously behind. California has a PE requirement and even though we homeschool now, my boys would still do the minimum PE hours per week because I told them to.

Now DS11 feels unfit compare to his buddies so he does more sprints and doesn't complain when I ask him to chalk up some PE time. My boys see the public school kids running track for PE every morning and basketball in the day so to them PE is real.

[EndOfOrdinary]

Would it be possible for Dad to think of things that he really enjoys and just show her those? I wish I would have pushed this more with Dh and Ds. They would watch Scooby Do, eat chicken nuggets, and go to Chuck E Cheese. Both loved it. Then Ds aged out of those activities. Now neither seem to know what to do with one another.

 

There are more than likely books on the subjects of Dad's interests. Even if it seems non academic, she is going to be 5. Everything is academic at 5. Cooking, bycicles, gardening, cars, baseball, dancing, it doesn't matter. It could really be time they have together which they might not in the future. I would see it as a blessing, perhaps a sligtly awkward one at first, but a blessing none the less.