I'm 43 and I would like to have another child

[Noreen Claire]

Yeah, I'm not looking forward to telling my mom if we get pregnant. She's a worrier and I'm afraid she'll be a basket case. 

 

My mother rolled her eyes when I told her. :glare:

[ktgrok]

My mother rolled her eyes when I told her. :glare:

 

I may ask my OB for some kind of note to give my mom that it's okay for me to have another baby. 

 

I'm only half kidding. 

 

She had a scary birth experience with me, so I kind of get it, but still. And I have home births, which terrifies her too. Although she was way more laid back last time than she was with the other. 

 

[Arcadia]

Prenatal care was so insurance dependent though. I was classified high risk for both pregnancies at 32 and 33, and insurance just paid up for everything no questions asked.

 

My friend was pregnant for the first time at 36, largely ignored by her obgyn, and had a miscarriage. Medical care after her miscarriage was dismal too. They didn't treat her as a AMA case.

 

My obgyn said my thick medical file helped in getting fast and easy approval from insurance. I had an amniocentesis for my 2nd pregnancy and bedrest for my first pregnancy. My blood tests and blood pressure readings were all wonky for both pregnancies.

 

My first obgyn did gave the general advice to take a year for building up maternal health if possible before trying to conceive. I had always stayed in highly populated cities with crazy work life being common so building up maternal health would make sense.

 

My first obgyn also asked his patients to take fish oil or dha supplements prior to TTC. My diet was mainly seafood most of my life so I didn't supplement. He did say there is no guarantee of smarter babies with prenatal fish oil supplements but its good for prenatal health. Folic acid supplements too were highly recommended prior to TTC.

[Guest]

Ah, this is true. Not to diminish this, but this is true when you're pregnant at 19 or 26 or 34 or 39. I almost died with my last pregnancy - ambulance ride, transfused 5 units of fluid, 4 units of blood, an emergency surgery. But it wasn't about age. But I shudder now at the thought of the homebirth I always wanted. I was 24 when our Hannah was born premature and then died. I was 24 when we bought our burial plots alongside hers.

 

I have always said there are two types of parents - the type who know their kid "could" die. Then the parents who KNOW their kids DO die. You crossed the other side - that bad things happen up close and personal. That isn't an age thing. Yes, the statistics go up but it really is an all or nothing proposition - either it will happen or it won't. If someone goes forth to get pregnant they really must be willing to accept the baby - regardless of the circumstances. It would be good if every person made this commitment beforehand.

((Hugs)) True. I know it. I am not saying it's about age. Things can go horribly wrong no matter your age and your child-bearing history. What I am trying to say is that risks are real things - as you know. I think, no matter maternal age, and especially among the natural-leaning, crunchy mamas among us, there's sometimes an attitude of, "Oh, risk-schmisk! That's for unbelievers and people who don't eat organic foods."

 

As you said at the end of your post, it would be good if all would-be conceptions were entered in with a *real* understanding that risk means it can go all kinds of ugly, healthy or not so much, old or young. And with a true, sobering thought to how life will be if it is many degrees different from knitting cute baby outfits and choosing the perfect name.

 

ETA: when I lost my baby, one of my friends said, flabbergasted, "I literally did not think that ever happened anymore." She actually thought that there was no such thing as a (first-world) birth where medical personnel could not save the baby.

Edited April 27, 2016 by Quill

[Seasider]

I may ask my OB for some kind of note to give my mom that it's okay for me to have another baby.

 

I'm only half kidding.

 

She had a scary birth experience with me, so I kind of get it, but still. And I have home births, which terrifies her too. Although she was way more laid back last time than she was with the other.

 

I think I was coming up on the end of the fourth month before I even told her (easier since we don't live in the same town). Edited April 27, 2016 by Seasider

[ktgrok]

((Hugs)) True. I know it. I am not saying it's about age. Things can go horribly wrong no matter your age and your child-bearing history. What I am trying to say is that risks are real things - as you know. I think, no matter maternal age, and especially among the natural-leaning, crunchy mamas among us, there's sometimes an attitude of, "Oh, risk-schmisk! That's for unbelievers and people who don't eat organic foods."

 

As you said at the end of your post, it would be good if all would-be conceptions were entered in with a *real* understanding that risk means it can go all kinds of ugly, healthy or not so much, old or young. And with a true, sobering thought to how life will be if it is many degrees different from knitting cute baby outfits and choosing the perfect name.

 

ETA: when I lost my baby, one of my friends said, flabbergasted, "I literally did not think that ever happened anymore." She actually thought that there was no such thing as a (first-world) birth where medical personnel could not save the baby.

 

I totally agree with the bolded. As a member and former leader of ICAN I was constantly having to temper the enthusiasm of women who would imply that if they just did everything "right" they would get the birth they wanted. That it was all about being mentally prepared and doing yoga and such. No, sometimes crap happens. As my friend says, "There is no justice in birth". Same with friends who think they don't need health insurance because they eat organic food or whatever. The truth is you can't prevent every bad outcome. Crap happens. You need to know that, and think through how you would handle it, and what you would do. Informed consent means understanding the risks and benefits and making an INFORMED choice. Not burying your head in the sand and thinking your magic Kombucha will save you. (and no meanness meant towards Kombucha, I love the stuff.)

 

Finally, I'm just so sorry that you lost your baby. So sorry. 

[ktgrok]

Oh, and I talked with my midwife today, and she reminded me that she had her last child at age 39. She also recently attended mothers  that were 42 and 45, respectively. 

[BlsdMama]

((Hugs)) True. I know it. I am not saying it's about age. Things can go horribly wrong no matter your age and your child-bearing history. What I am trying to say is that risks are real things - as you know. I think, no matter maternal age, and especially among the natural-leaning, crunchy mamas among us, there's sometimes an attitude of, "Oh, risk-schmisk! That's for unbelievers and people who don't eat organic foods."

 

As you said at the end of your post, it would be good if all would-be conceptions were entered in with a *real* understanding that risk means it can go all kinds of ugly, healthy or not so much, old or young. And with a true, sobering thought to how life will be if it is many degrees different from knitting cute baby outfits and choosing the perfect name.

 

ETA: when I lost my baby, one of my friends said, flabbergasted, "I literally did not think that ever happened anymore." She actually thought that there was no such thing as a (first-world) birth where medical personnel could not save the baby.

 

 

I think I was like your friend... blown away a bit.  Our Hannah's odds were 85% survival.  85% - that's as good as gold, right?  And that was the day I stopped caring about statistics I think.  I was an odds placer, let them determine a lot for me.  I do think you're right - that we tend to believe that if we do all things right, everything is a happy ending. :/