I'm 43 and I would like to have another child

[crazyforlatin]

I haven't talked with an obgyn yet, but googling shows me the statistics are not good on my side, as to every single issue like birth defects, bad eggs, etc.

 

I'm feeling discouraged and we haven't even started trying yet.

 

Please share any encouraging stories. Any concerns I should address with the doctor. In fact, a doctor will probably just tell me more bad news since I'm so old and thinking about a second child now.

[marbel]

I had my first child at 41 and my second about 2 months before I turned 43.  

 

Lots of people out there like me.

[Guest]

It is more difficult to conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy as you age. But it's by no means impossible if you're still ovulating. Definitely discuss it with your doctor and understand the real risks and their likelihood. Some sound a lot more likely than they actually are :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

They'll call it high risk and monitor you more, but certainly people do it. 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

Agree with above posts.  I wanted to add, how healthy are you in general?  Statistics are not individual people.  Look at you in particular.  Are you healthy?  Does your family have a history of health issues that could affect your situation?  Do you anticipate still being healthy in your 50s and 60s?  Talk with your doctor, be realistic about your current health, your genetic background, etc.  There are many who have healthy kids at this age.  

[MorningGlory]

((((HUGS))))

I was 40 with my last, so a little younger than where you are now. The pregnancy was not any more difficult than my others (although recovery was harder). It was not planned, so I can't give you any encouragement there except WATCH OUT! lol!!

 

But I will encourage you this way...you are an AMAZING mom right now! So thoughtful and conscientious and caring of your precious daughter. I would love to hear that you were able to have another child, but if it doesn't work out, you have "done good" momma. :-) 

[Bluegoat]

If it's apllicable, you family history might also give you clues about your liklihood to conceive.  If your mom or grandmothers had children in their 40's, you might have some of those good genes.

 

It seems from my observations of other people that it is a good idea, before you get too far into things like fertility treatments, to think clearly about how far you would be willing to take something like that.

[Arcadia]

Statistics are not individual people.

... Talk with your doctor, be realistic about your current health, your genetic background, etc.

:iagree:

Statistically it would be risky for me looking at family history (paternal and maternal) but the odds would be different for you. Both my pregnancies in my early 30s were high risk, as it was for my mom.

[ktgrok]

I have some hope for you! There is now evidence that the issue with older moms is not that the eggs themselves are old, but that the ovarian environment is not healthy, so when the egg matures it gets damaged. So by improving the ovarian environment you can turn out healthy eggs after all. The main thing so far with this is DHEA supplementation. Studies I've found show that if you take it for several months (because it takes that long for an egg to mature) it reduces the risk of miscarriage by about 50%! And it increases pregnancy rates dramatically. Basically, it has been shown to improve both egg quality and quantity. IVF doctors are prescribing it and finding great success. Normal dosage seems to be 25mg three times a day. It's not expensive, and you can buy it on amazon, health food store, etc. CoQ10 is also showing promise, but has less studies backing it up. I'm taking 200mg CoQ10 three times a day, plus the DHEA, plus fish oil, plus prenatal and extra folic acid. (However, DHEA may have poor results or cause more problems in people with PCOS). 

 

http://www.getpregnantover40.com/DHEA-and-fertility.htm

[Katy]

I have some hope for you! There is now evidence that the issue with older moms is not that the eggs themselves are old, but that the ovarian environment is not healthy, so when the egg matures it gets damaged. So by improving the ovarian environment you can turn out healthy eggs after all. The main thing so far with this is DHEA supplementation. Studies I've found show that if you take it for several months (because it takes that long for an egg to mature) it reduces the risk of miscarriage by about 50%! And it increases pregnancy rates dramatically. Basically, it has been shown to improve both egg quality and quantity. IVF doctors are prescribing it and finding great success. Normal dosage seems to be 25mg three times a day. It's not expensive, and you can buy it on amazon, health food store, etc. CoQ10 is also showing promise, but has less studies backing it up. I'm taking 200mg CoQ10 three times a day, plus the DHEA, plus fish oil, plus prenatal and extra folic acid. (However, DHEA may have poor results or cause more problems in people with PCOS). 

 

http://www.getpregnantover40.com/DHEA-and-fertility.htm

 

What!?!  So my mysterious miscarriages might end with a few months of supplementation? Katie, I could kiss you.

 

[ktgrok]

What!?!  So my mysterious miscarriages might end with a few months of supplementation? Katie, I could kiss you.

 

 

Well, it obviously doesn't fix every problem, such as clotting issues, etc. But it sure seems to help there be a healthy embryo. It also seems to mostly be good for older women. Good luck! 

 

Edited April 26, 2016 by ktgrok

[gardenmom5]

in reality - the increases are not as great as slanted.

 

dudeling was born when I was in my 40's.  I've other friends who also had healthy babies in their 40's.  I would suggest a very good prenatal - and a very good quality fish  oil (corpus callosum needs essential fatty acids to develop properly).

[Tenaj]

I had my last three at the ages if 40, 42 and 44. All were healthy, normal pregnancies. I would recommend finding a doctor that you know will support you as an older mom- to- be. I've run into a few cases of downright rudeness when they found out my age and that I was pregnant which isn't fun to deal with.

 

Best wishes,

[ktgrok]

I had my last three at the ages if 40, 42 and 44. All were healthy, normal pregnancies. I would recommend finding a doctor that you know will support you as an older mom- to- be. I've run into a few cases of downright rudeness when they found out my age and that I was pregnant which isn't fun to deal with.

 

Best wishes,

 

This! I've heard of doctors that freak out at 35 yrs exactly, running all sorts of extra tests, requiring NSTs every day, etc etc. Constantly talking about risks. And other doctors that say a healthy pregnancy is a healthy pregnancy and age is only one factor of many. You want that kind of doctor, i'd think. 

[Garga]

I have an aquaintance who has a son with Down's Syndrome. She was over 40 when he was born. She said the strangest thing to me. She said, "When you're over 40, they tell you you're high risk, but they don't tell you what that means." She meant she wasn't prepared for her son to have Down's. Didn't know that was what "high risk" meant. I thought it was strange that she never asked or looked up for herself what the risks would be. The internet was alive and well when her son was born.

 

I'd say that if you want to have a baby, consider whether you are capable/equipped/willing to risk having a child with life-long special needs.

 

This is actually true of every single pregnancy, really. You just never know what could happen. But the risks do go up as you get older. If you're of the mindset, "It doesn't matter what happens. We will love our baby no matter what!" then you're good. But if you're of the mindset, "Oh, I just don't think I could handle XX issues!" then maybe you're not good. If there are issues, you'll be dealing with them as you're getting older and slower yourself. I'm 43 and my energy level is going down a bit from when I was younger.

 

I sound like such a Debbie Downer. I'm sorry. It's just how I made all my major decisions in life. I think of the worst case scenario and decide whether I am willing to take that on. If I'm willing, then I go for it. If I'm not willing, I don't. Some people are also like me in that regard and some people think that people like me are old stick in the muds.

[BlsdMama]

This! I've heard of doctors that freak out at 35 yrs exactly, running all sorts of extra tests, requiring NSTs every day, etc etc. Constantly talking about risks. And other doctors that say a healthy pregnancy is a healthy pregnancy and age is only one factor of many. You want that kind of doctor, i'd think. 

 

They label you "advanced maternal age."  If you have an OB with a sense of humor, he might call it "senior care" like he did with me. :)  (We knew each other well enough to know I'd think he was funny, lol.)  Truth is, there are more risks.  But, at the end of the day, if you're willing to accept those risks, then see what happens.  Funny thing about statistics - they are beguiling.  You read into them like a crystal ball - trying to foresee the future.  One thing I know from past experiences - everything that happens (or doesn't) you were either 0% or 100%.  We had a truly awful experience this past year (at almost 39) with an 11-12 week miscarriage, HOWEVER, I think that was more about being a grand multi-para than age.  I've had two babies since being labeled AMA and I can tell you both of them were really great deliveries.  The doctors I had were very respectful and not at all alarmist or rude.  We turned down all testing as the results did not matter to our decision to have the baby.  BTW, both are exceptionally bright, beautiful, and wonderful.   ;)

Edited April 26, 2016 by BlsdMama

[Jyhwkmama]

Yes. Many older women will have healthy children. However, as we age there can be issues with chromosomes getting "sticky" and not dividing as well which is why older women have an increased chance of having a DS baby. No supplement can change this. I encourage every older woman who is considering a later in life pregnancy to look at the data and make an informed decision with the help of her OB.

Edited April 26, 2016 by Jyhwkmama

[ashfern]

I had my last one a couple of weeks before I turned 42. My OB wanted me to see a high risk OB just because of my age. We have really crappy insurance and didn't have the money to pay for that. So, I made a compromise with the doc that if the screening ultrasound was abnormal that I would go to the high risk doc. It was normal and so I continued as I had with my other pregnancies. For my 4th I was also AMA (36) but they somehow missed that so I didn't get harassed with that pregnancy at all.

[ktgrok]

Yes. Many older women will have healthy children. However, as we age there can be issues with chromosomes getting "sticky" and not dividing as well which is why older women have an increased chance of having a DS baby. No supplement can change this. I encourage every older woman who is considering a later in life pregnancy to look at the data and make an informed decision with the help of her OB.

 

The early results are showing that supplements of certain things may very well prevent downs syndrome and other chromosomal problems. They haven't measured it directly that I know of, but miscarriage rates drop and they know that a significant number of miscarriages are caused by chromosomal anomalies. Basically, they are saying there is no way it can drop miscarriage rates that drastically and not also be dropping the rate of chromosomal anomalies. It's early days in the research, but it is promising. 

 

 

"In a recently published study, investigators from CHR now, for the first time, confirmed that DHEA reduces chromosomal abnormalities (aneuploidy) in embryos through preimplantation genetic screening (PGS). The greatest reduction in aneuploidy (22%) was observed with 4-12 weeks of DHEA supplementation prior to IVF.

Norbert Gleicher, MD, lead authors of the study, and CHR’s Medical Director, comments: “This is the first direct evidence that DHEA beneficially affects egg and embryo quality by reducing chromosomal abnormalities.†He continues: “It appears likely, however, that this is not the only way by which DHEA exerts its positive effects on older ovaries. Indeed, DHEA may only be a forerunner for a whole new family of infertility drugs, which, ultimately, still may allow older women to conceive through well-designed infertility treatments.â€

David H. Barad, MD, MS, second lead authors and Clinical Director of CHR’s IVF Program, adds: “Our finding may have implications far beyond infertility because it suggests that beneficial effects of DHEA supplementation on embryos’ chromosomal health could also be extended to normally fertile older women.†DHEA supplementation, like taking folic acid to prevent neural tube defects, could become routine in prenatal care."  https://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/fertility/new-infertility-research-explains-how-dhea-treatment-improves-embryo-quality/

Edited April 26, 2016 by ktgrok

[Jyhwkmama]

I am not trying to be the voice of doom and gloom and hope that any woman who wants to have a late in life baby does so without challenge. I really hope the best for you. Even with advanced maternal age, the chances of having a healthy baby are certainly greater than those of having a child with special needs.

 

 

That study is great news and I hope further studies show it to be definitive. In all likelihood more studies surrounding DHEA are taking place right now. I was unaware of this information. Obviously you are doing your research.

 

IVF conception is somewhat different than natural conception in that the highest quality eggs and sperm ( best swimmers) are used in the lab to produce the embryo. Because of this the positive result may not be as pronounced in natural pregnancies.

 

Definitely good that you are taking the DHEA and thsee initial results are promising.

 

That being said, all older women need to be aware of the increased risks not just of miscarriage, but also of having a special needs child.

 

It is a very personal choice that needs to be made in conjunction with an OB while considering all outcomes.

 

I have a child with autism, so I am writing this from the perspective of a parent of a special needs child.

Edited April 27, 2016 by Jyhwkmama

[ktgrok]

I am not trying to be the voice of doom and gloom and hope that any woman who wants to have a late in life baby does so without challenge. I really hope the best for you. Even with advanced maternal age, the chances of having a healthy baby are certainly greater than those of having a child with special needs.

 

 

That study is great news and I hope further studies show it to be definitive. In all likelihood more studies surrounding DHEA are taking place right now. I was unaware of this information. Obviously you are doing your research.

 

IVF conception is somewhat different than natural conception in that the highest quality eggs and sperm ( best swimmers) are used in the lab to produce the embryo. Because of this the positive result may not be as pronounced in natural pregnancies.

 

Definitely good that you are taking the DHEA and thsee initial results are promising.

 

That being said, all older women need to be aware of the increased risks not just of miscarriage, but also of having a special needs child.

 

It is a very personal choice that needs to be made in conjunction with an OB while considering all outcomes.

 

I have a child with autism, so I am writing this from the perspective of a parent of a special needs child.

 

I agree with what you are saying. It certainly isn't to be undertaken without some thought and planning and depending on the person, prayer as well. I know personally, I consulted with my OB, a midwife, and another doctor before making up my mind to try. And am doing my best to alleviate as many risks as possible. But there are still risks. I do have a child with Aspergers, thankfully he functions at a level that means he should be able to live independently. But I do get that things happen, that we might not expect. (he was my first, in my early twenties, but I lived a matter of a few feet from a major highway and diesel exhaust particles have been possibly linked to aspergers/autism....I'll always wonder if that was the trigger. 

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

My grandmother had her last 47 and my aunt had no special needs.

 

I had mine at 27 and 29 and they both had special needs.

 

 

 

[Tita Gidge]

I just wanted to wish you good luck and peace while you're on this journey.

 

I come from a large, Catholic family.  For as many generations as I've been told, the women in our family have been bearing healthy children well into their 40s.

 

I credit a lot of that to genetics, but also to a culture (both religious and ethnic) that support pregnancy in general. It's my hope that you have that support, too, especially with your medical team.  It can be a challenge to find a supportive medical team.

 

A non-Catholic friend of mine did IVF and was told she had a hostile uterus. WOW. My sister is 43 and 6 months pregnant. The lab she had her initial bloodwork drawn called her a geriatric pregnancy.  These medical terms slay me.

 

 

 

 

[umsami]

I had my first child at 35.  Three more with my last one at 42.  All were conceived easily (some too easily) without any sort of IVF. 

 

All four were born healthy... no issues.  I had gestational diabetes during all four pregnancies, but kids were fine...vaginal births... term. 

[ScoutTN]

I had mine at 39 and 41. Easy pregnancies, no complications, healthy babies.

We had some trouble getting pg. Acupuncture and Chinese herbs fixed that! Acu is great for stress and nausea too!

[amy g.]

I had my last children at 40 and 43. They do not have any special needs, but the one I had at 27 does.

 

I was well aware of the increased chance of downs, however that would not have been a tragedy in our family culture. I'm so thankful I did not stop after the first 3 children.

[mamaofgirls]

My OBGYN at Mayo Clinic said even though the 'statistics' are higher they see more issues with younger women who do not eat healthy, take prenatal/folic acid, ect... Clearly - according to Mayo Clinic, if you are healthy then I would go for it! Your odds are much better then an 18 year old who spend the last 6 months getting high/drunk.

[Vida Winter]

I had my last baby at 43 and it was an easier pregnancy and delivery than the previous two.

[Catalytic]

I have an aquaintance who has a son with Down's Syndrome. She was over 40 when he was born. She said the strangest thing to me. She said, "When you're over 40, they tell you you're high risk, but they don't tell you what that means." She meant she wasn't prepared for her son to have Down's. Didn't know that was what "high risk" meant. I thought it was strange that she never asked or looked up for herself what the risks would be. The internet was alive and well when her son was born.

 

I'd say that if you want to have a baby, consider whether you are capable/equipped/willing to risk having a child with life-long special needs.

 

This is actually true of every single pregnancy, really. You just never know what could happen. But the risks do go up as you get older. If you're of the mindset, "It doesn't matter what happens. We will love our baby no matter what!" then you're good. But if you're of the mindset, "Oh, I just don't think I could handle XX issues!" then maybe you're not good. If there are issues, you'll be dealing with them as you're getting older and slower yourself. I'm 43 and my energy level is going down a bit from when I was younger.

 

I sound like such a Debbie Downer. I'm sorry. It's just how I made all my major decisions in life. I think of the worst case scenario and decide whether I am willing to take that on. If I'm willing, then I go for it. If I'm not willing, I don't. Some people are also like me in that regard and some people think that people like me are old stick in the muds.

 

I think you're smart.  When we had our first 4 kiddos, I was under 30.  Always said I would never have a baby past 30.  But there I was, 38, pregnant, and due to move cross country (or across the world, we had no idea) with a 3 month old.  I was also in Alaska, where specialty care can be hard to come by.  With the first 4, I had no testing done, beyond the usual ultrasound, blood glucose, etc.  No triple screen, no amnio, nothing besides the US that would tell me if something wasn't exactly "right" with my baby.  With the 5th, due to the move, our location, my age, I had every test known to mankind.  It wasn't that I wouldn't have loved the baby no matter what, and I can only think of a very few specific circumstances I might *consider* abortion (baby with no brain, possibly), so I didn't particularly care if baby had Down's or something else, but what I was concerned about since I was "AMA" (advanced maternal age....ugh) was that we be prepared.  If there was a problem, I would have left Alaska and had the baby elsewhere near the right specialists.  We would have rearranged our plans about driving out of the state, and flown out instead.  I did have some pregnancy complications, I'd imagine they were more due to my weight than my age, and also due to the stress I was under.

 

Something that bothered me so much, though, that I still tear up when I think about it now, over 6 years later.  I was on a baby forum for moms over 35.  There was a lady there who was also pregnant, she'd had fertility treatment to get pregnant, and she was in her 40s.  They tested for Down's with the (then) new 12 week neck fat US, and when it came back that the baby *possibly* had Down's, they didn't even do amnio, they aborted immediately.  IMO, that's crap.  A baby comes with no guarantees, if you can't love it with a problem, then don't get pregnant with it.

 

So, please consider what Garga said, and search deeply in yourself, and even your husband, as to whether you're prepared for something like that.  The odds should still be in your favor for a perfectly fine baby, but be honest with yourself before you take on this journey.

[crazyforlatin]

Just reading through everyone's posts a few times today. I'm hopeful, scared, worried, which can't be good for fertility. Thanks to everyone for responding, every post has been so helpful to me. I'm starting to look at DHEA, too.

[sewingmama]

Age really does count for something. I had my kids at 31, 33 and 35. With my last I joked to my doctor that I was at the advanced maternal age stage and he laughed and said because my health was so excellent he wouldn't classify me as advanced maternal age till at least 40.

 

Well when I was 36 I miscarried at 11 weeks. At 37 I miscarried at 7 weeks. I was never able to get pregnant again after that..my youngest is almost 7. So depite excellent health and no previous issues...suddenly I became "old" and the system stopped working.

 

People do have babies when they are older...but I don't think it is as common as we are led to believe.

[TranquilMind]

I haven't talked with an obgyn yet, but googling shows me the statistics are not good on my side, as to every single issue like birth defects, bad eggs, etc.

 

I'm feeling discouraged and we haven't even started trying yet.

 

Please share any encouraging stories. Any concerns I should address with the doctor. In fact, a doctor will probably just tell me more bad news since I'm so old and thinking about a second child now.

My midwife had a baby at about that age. He was perfect.

[ktgrok]

I read this the other day :)

 

http://www.sciencealert.com/children-born-to-older-mothers-end-up-taller-healthier-and-better-educated

[Bluegoat]

I just wanted to wish you good luck and peace while you're on this journey.

 

I come from a large, Catholic family.  For as many generations as I've been told, the women in our family have been bearing healthy children well into their 40s.

 

I credit a lot of that to genetics, but also to a culture (both religious and ethnic) that support pregnancy in general. It's my hope that you have that support, too, especially with your medical team.  It can be a challenge to find a supportive medical team.

 

A non-Catholic friend of mine did IVF and was told she had a hostile uterus. WOW. My sister is 43 and 6 months pregnant. The lab she had her initial bloodwork drawn called her a geriatric pregnancy.  These medical terms slay me.

 

Me too.  I'm pregnant now and I'll be 40 when this baby is born, so they are considering me an old mother.  My dr seems to be unfazed, but the one I saw for my first pre-natal was a locum and was very dark about the whole thing, I didn't like her at all.

 

My daughters' piano teacher is now getting quite a kick out of saying I am a geriatric mother whenever I am forgetful though (which makes him ancient, as I keep pointing out.)

[Noreen Claire]

I had my first at 21. Then, three more boys at 34, 37, and 40. (Full disclosure, I had 3 miscarriages when I was 36.) I'm now 15wks pregnant and will be 42 when this bub is born. The oldest has had the most health issues, probably due my crappy diet and lack of caring for myself.

 

We refused all genetic testing, with the exception of the level 2 ultrasound. What happens, happens.

 

My midwives say eat well, exercise, sleep, and take your vitamins; they are very supportive of older moms. Finding supportive people to surround yourself with is a great first step! Good luck!

[ktgrok]

Me too.  I'm pregnant now and I'll be 40 when this baby is born, so they are considering me an old mother.  My dr seems to be unfazed, but the one I saw for my first pre-natal was a locum and was very dark about the whole thing, I didn't like her at all.

 

My daughters' piano teacher is now getting quite a kick out of saying I am a geriatric mother whenever I am forgetful though (which makes him ancient, as I keep pointing out.)

 

Yes, it's amazing the difference. And SOME concerns are valid, and evidence based. But that's not an excuse to treat the mother like a ticking time bomb. 

 

When I approached my OB, an older man, about possibly having another child I asked him to give it to me straight. I knew about the risks of Downs and other things for the baby, what else did I need to worry about, in regards to my own health, my personal situation. He said, "go get pregnant, but do it soon because each month means less chance of getting pregnant and more chance of miscarriage."

[Carrie12345]

I've contemplated being an "old" mother before.  I didn't delve to far into the medical risks because I decided firmly against it for other reasons, but those risks would have been a giant consideration if the other reasons hadn't settled it.

Not just the statistics, like others have said, but about how potential issues could play out long-term.

 

When I was pregnant with my 5th at 33, my general risk was low, but a screening did come back with a greater than 1 in 4 odds that my son had Trisomy 18.  Being THAT close to a terrifying complication was MUCH different from knowing that all pregnancies carry risk.  We are incredibly fortunate that his chromosomes were in fact fine, and would not cause lethal complications, but I do think I see things in a different light after that.

 

I fully support women having babies at whatever age they want, but I have a feeling I would have decided against it.  Which is actually kind of funny, because I may very well do foster care when these guys are a bit older, fully knowing that usually comes with some big special needs!

[maize]

I've read of a link between having children past age 35 and living longer; probably a matter of genes that code for slower aging over all. Quite fascinating :) There are quite a few long-lived women in my family, and my mother had her last child just before her 45th birthday.

[ktgrok]

I will say that I will probably do more testing this time around, if I get pregnant. Although come to think of it, my last pregnancy was AMA too..I was 38 I think? But this time I might do the NIPT they have now..probably the Materniti one. Not because we'd abort, but to have time to prepare if there was a problem,a nd to make birth place decisions, etc. I need did any screening for the others, not even the AFP or whatever. 

[KungFuPanda]

A dear friend is now pregnant with her first at 44. She's been married for over twenty years and they thought it wasn't meant to be. She's 18 weeks now and everything looks great! She was in my dance class last night keeping up with women half her age :-)

[ktgrok]

A dear friend is now pregnant with her first at 44. She's been married for over twenty years and they thought it wasn't meant to be. She's 18 weeks now and everything looks great! She was in my dance class last night keeping up with women half her age :-)

 

I cannot imagine how excited she must be!!!

[Catalytic]

Just reading through everyone's posts a few times today. I'm hopeful, scared, worried, which can't be good for fertility. Thanks to everyone for responding, every post has been so helpful to me. I'm starting to look at DHEA, too.

 

If you can adopt the attitude that things will be fine and if there's an issue, you can handle it, I think you'll feel much better.  MOST babies born to older moms are perfectly fine.  (Didn't some lady in her late 50s just have twins in England or someplace recently?)  The odds are STILL very much in your favor.  (I am also 43, my husband is 50 in a few days, our youngest is 6)  I can tell you, our little boy is such a blessing.  All of our kids were blessings, but this one is oh so special.  And not just to us, his siblings dote on him, yes he is spoiled absolutely rotten.  (Our other youngest was 11 when he was born, and our oldest was 18)  My truly keeps us young, though we definitely feel our age more...I had to get a changing table, getting up and down off the floor couldn't happen with him.  I usually have a sibling sit on the floor with him to play, though daddy does creak his way down there.  We still coach his sports, we still run and play with him, and whatnot, but some things we let the siblings do, too.  Granted, 40s is still relatively young, and if you're in good health (and not wayyyy overweight like me), even getting down on the floor is still a possibility.  For daddy, his knees from years of running in the Army makes the floor thing difficult.  Anyway, if you want another baby, I encourage you to get started, s/he will be the best thing that ever happened to you.  It's different when you're an older parent, it really is.  (My first was born when I was 19, he was tons of fun, but it's different)

 

Age really does count for something. I had my kids at 31, 33 and 35. With my last I joked to my doctor that I was at the advanced maternal age stage and he laughed and said because my health was so excellent he wouldn't classify me as advanced maternal age till at least 40.

 

Well when I was 36 I miscarried at 11 weeks. At 37 I miscarried at 7 weeks. I was never able to get pregnant again after that..my youngest is almost 7. So depite excellent health and no previous issues...suddenly I became "old" and the system stopped working.

 

People do have babies when they are older...but I don't think it is as common as we are led to believe.

 

I also miscarried at 37, but I try not to think about that, because immediately after the miscarriage I got pregnant with the 6 yr old (the baby I lost at 13 weeks was due in December, this little guy was born in April) and I feel like regretting the miscarriage means I don't want my son.  But yes, miscarriage does seem to happen more often the older we get.  On the plus side, if there is a plus side to miscarriage, my OB told me we are very fertile and it's a prime time to get pregnant afterwards, and I certainly proved that!

 

I've contemplated being an "old" mother before.  I didn't delve to far into the medical risks because I decided firmly against it for other reasons, but those risks would have been a giant consideration if the other reasons hadn't settled it.

Not just the statistics, like others have said, but about how potential issues could play out long-term.

 

When I was pregnant with my 5th at 33, my general risk was low, but a screening did come back with a greater than 1 in 4 odds that my son had Trisomy 18.  Being THAT close to a terrifying complication was MUCH different from knowing that all pregnancies carry risk.  We are incredibly fortunate that his chromosomes were in fact fine, and would not cause lethal complications, but I do think I see things in a different light after that.

 

I fully support women having babies at whatever age they want, but I have a feeling I would have decided against it.  Which is actually kind of funny, because I may very well do foster care when these guys are a bit older, fully knowing that usually comes with some big special needs!

 

I applaud you considering foster care, and I think that it's easier to consider doing that, than having a child because eventually those children move on and you aren't responsible for them forever.  (I do realize some folks adopt out of foster care)

 

A dear friend is now pregnant with her first at 44. She's been married for over twenty years and they thought it wasn't meant to be. She's 18 weeks now and everything looks great! She was in my dance class last night keeping up with women half her age :-)

 

Truly brought tears to my eyes, she and her hubby must be ecstatic.

[Guest]

I've contemplated being an "old" mother before. I didn't delve to far into the medical risks because I decided firmly against it for other reasons, but those risks would have been a giant consideration if the other reasons hadn't settled it.

Not just the statistics, like others have said, but about how potential issues could play out long-term.

 

When I was pregnant with my 5th at 33, my general risk was low, but a screening did come back with a greater than 1 in 4 odds that my son had Trisomy 18. Being THAT close to a terrifying complication was MUCH different from knowing that all pregnancies carry risk. We are incredibly fortunate that his chromosomes were in fact fine, and would not cause lethal complications, but I do think I see things in a different light after that.

 

I fully support women having babies at whatever age they want, but I have a feeling I would have decided against it. Which is actually kind of funny, because I may very well do foster care when these guys are a bit older, fully knowing that usually comes with some big special needs!

This. The bolded. IMO, it's easy to underestimate risks and what that really means when you have no true experience. For one thing, there are many potential congenital defects that increase with age, not "just" Down Syndrome.

 

I had a baby who died in labor, at term. It forever changed how I look at "risk," even "low risk." I was as healthy as can be and had given birth twice with zero problems. There really was no sense that something terrible could *actually* happen to me.

[ktgrok]

This. The bolded. IMO, it's easy to underestimate risks and what that really means when you have no true experience. For one thing, there are many potential congenital defects that increase with age, not "just" Down Syndrome.

 

I had a baby who died in labor, at term. It forever changed how I look at "risk," even "low risk." I was as healthy as can be and had given birth twice with zero problems. There really was no sense that something terrible could *actually* happen to me.

 

I'm so sorry. 

[Seasider]

They'll call it high risk and monitor you more, but certainly people do it.

Yep. I was early 40's when my last was born. The pregnancy was full of extra tests (though I didn't have all of them done). My ob sent me to a specialist for a genetic profile and an ultrasound to look for certain indicators of Down's. I just took it as par for the course.

 

Make sure you have a doc lined up. Many years had passed since my previous pregnancy, and I had to run through a list of physicians before I found one that would accept a high risk pregnancy as a new patient (advanced maternal age - over 38? - plus I had a couple other things going into the situation). But then Florida is supposedly notorious for that sort of thing because of very high malpractice insurance rates.

 

Watch your diet and exercise from the get-go. Older moms are more prone to gestational diabetes.

 

One thing I didn't anticipate - my mom was very standoffish during my pregnancy. She was all smiles once baby arrived, but she totally expected that I would have a seriously deformed child because I was too old to have another baby. I didn't expect that and I had to work to not let that affect my attitude.

 

I am so glad to have had my little late-comer. She is a joy to our family and keep dh and I on our toes.

[ktgrok]

Yep. I was early 40's when my last was born. The pregnancy was full of extra tests (though I didn't have all of them done). My ob sent me to a specialist for a genetic profile and an ultrasound to look for certain indicators of Down's. I just took it as par for the course.

 

Make sure you have a doc lined up. Many years had passed since my previous pregnancy, and I had to run through a list of physicians before I found one that would accept a high risk pregnancy as a new patient (advanced maternal age - over 38? - plus I had a couple other things going into the situation). But then Florida is supposedly notorious for that sort of thing because of very high malpractice insurance rates.

 

Watch your diet and exercise from the get-go. Older moms are more prone to gestational diabetes.

 

One thing I didn't anticipate - my mom was very standoffish during my pregnancy. She was all smiles once baby arrived, but she totally expected that I would have a seriously deformed child because I was too old to have another baby. I didn't expect that and I had to work to not let that affect my attitude.

 

I am so glad to have had my little late-comer. She is a joy to our family and keep dh and I on our toes.

 

Yeah, I'm not looking forward to telling my mom if we get pregnant. She's a worrier and I'm afraid she'll be a basket case. 

[BlsdMama]

This. The bolded. IMO, it's easy to underestimate risks and what that really means when you have no true experience. For one thing, there are many potential congenital defects that increase with age, not "just" Down Syndrome.

 

I had a baby who died in labor, at term. It forever changed how I look at "risk," even "low risk." I was as healthy as can be and had given birth twice with zero problems. There really was no sense that something terrible could *actually* happen to me.

 

Ah, this is true.  Not to diminish this, but this is true when you're pregnant at 19 or 26 or 34 or 39.  I almost died with my last pregnancy - ambulance ride, transfused 5 units of fluid, 4 units of blood, an emergency surgery.  But it wasn't about age.  But I shudder now at the thought of the homebirth I always wanted.  I was 24 when our Hannah was born premature and then died.  I was 24 when we bought our burial plots alongside hers.  

 

I have always said there are two types of parents - the type who know their kid "could" die.  Then the parents who KNOW their kids DO die.  You crossed the other side - that bad things happen up close and personal.  That isn't an age thing.  Yes, the statistics go up but it really is an all or nothing proposition - either it will happen or it won't.  If someone goes forth to get pregnant they really must be willing to accept the baby - regardless of the circumstances.  It would be good if every person made this commitment beforehand.

[Slojo]

Turning 45 in a month and my youngest just turned three! No issues - and a better pregnancy than the 2nd. They give you the "old lady" code in the med charts (I think it's called geriatric pregnancy - gee, thanks:-). I say be aware of the risks but go for it. Can't row of you don't put an oar in the water (that sounded more innuendo-ish than intended 😄)

[SeaConquest]

I was 38 with my DS2. I recommend the Maternity 21 test, which I had at 10 weeks gestation. It put my mind at ease.

[MotherGoose]

I had my last one at 40. I got no back talk about it, although it was rather alarming to go into some ob appts, wonder how on earth that child was old enough to be pregnant, realize she was married, and in her early 20s. And to realize that some of the moms, teen moms, but still, could be my daughter if I'd gotten started early ;). I didn't have this experience when I was pg at 30. It probably helped me that my ob had baby #4 at 40.