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Parents of current college students, how is it going?


daijobu
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I don't have a specific question, but just wondering how things are going with your students who have been away at college for a year or more.  Any surprises?  Were your students well prepared?  If you have reviews of specific schools, I'm sure we'd all appreciate names if possible.  Thanks!  

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My son has had ups and downs. He's finishing up his second year of full-time enrollment (after a year of dual enrollment at home). His grades his first semester left a lot to be desired, but doesn't seem to be uncommon for freshmen. When he realized that failing to bring up his GPA would mean losing the scholarships that make it possible for him to attend the private university he chose, he pulled it together and did great the second semester. He maintained the necessary GPA last semester and assures me that he is on track for the current semester, too.

 

His academic preparation wasn't the issue. He's just always more interested in anything besides school. 

 

He's active in a variety of social and extracurricular stuff and has made some good friends on campus. However, his school is only about 90 minutes from our house, and since last summer, he's been dating a girl who lives here in town. So, he's been spending a lot of weekends at home and hasn't been great about nurturing the on-campus friendships. He had a bit of a crisis a few weeks ago and decided he needed to be more intentional about keeping up with his friends, but I'm not sure how well he's following through so far.

 

No real surprises. Well, we were a bit surprised when he announced at the beginning of year 2 that he wanted to rush a fraternity. It was a music fraternity, but still . . . We agreed to support his decision (including covering a portion of the dues), and he made it through rush but ended up deciding that even the relatively tame version of frat life he was experiencing wasn't for him. 

 

We've also been pleasantly surprised -- even though it was one of the reasons he chose the smaller school over some of the larger and/or more presitigous options -- by how many opportunities he's had to perform. He's a musical theatre/dance major, and one of his concerns during college visits was how often it was made clear to him that he might have to wait until his junior year to get any significant time on stage. 

 

He seems happy, generally. And we definitely see a lot of growth both personally and in his field. He has his moments when he gets a little tired of being in school, but when reminded that he actually probably could graduate in three years based on the number of dual enrollment and CLEP credits he transferred in, he usually doesn't have to think for more than about 15 minutes before deciding he'd prefer to stay.

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My daughter is just finishing up her 2nd year and will be graduating with an associates in nursing. This semester has been tough because of the time consuming nursing preceptorship. She had to quit her job as an RA a month ago, because there simply wasn't enough time in the day to attend classes, study, travel to her preceptorship an hour away, interview for jobs, and be an RA. She was pretty disappointed about that, because she felt like she was letting them down by quitting in the middle of the semester, plus she had to move out of the dorm. But since she quit her grades have gone up significantly and she is much less stressed, so she knows it was the right choice.

 

She just accepted a full-time job at a hospital starting after she passes her nursing boards, and she is waiting to hear back from a few schools she applied to for completing her BSRN. I guess the surprise for her this year was how much harder this last semester has been - she thought she had the time management stuff all figured out and she didn't.

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Today is ds's last day of regular classes. He only has to take one final due to his very high grades in his other classes. Though he has an A in German this semester, this particular professor does not wave the final for anyone. That exam is on the 27th. He will have 32 credit hours and officially be a sophomore. He originally was going to take a spring term course, but instead is choosing to do a little traveling with his buddies as he has found a good niche of students to hang with, and they all want to go to Mackinac Island before the worst of the tourist season commences, Sleeping Bear Dunes, and to some event (I have forgotten the name) in St. Louis, MO. I have encouraged it because his leg hurt him so much this winter, and so many days were mind over matter muscle through it. He never flinched, never felt sorry for himself, just kept working so hard. Now that the temps have warmed, and he feels so much better, I'd like to see him have a little fun. He will still be tutoring throughout the spring and summer term for pay. He is very proud of the fact that his first tutoring student who was failing English quite miserably will be ending the semester with a low B. She is thrilled, very very happy! She wrote him quite a glowing letter of thanks, and forwarded it on to the instructor that manages the writing lab as well as the dean of the department. We are mighty proud of him.

 

 

 

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My DD is close to the end of her second year at a very demanding university. She was well prepared and has been doing well academically since the beginning. I have the impression that she is enjoying the second year much more than the first, since she has found a circle of friends. She has a tough work load, but is thriving and is finding an equilibrium for the work life balance. She is involved in many activities besides classes - there are so many options for things to do that it is difficult to choose. No surprises. The school lives up to its daunting reputation. She is doing great, as we had expected.

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Ds has enjoyed his first year, we commute together and he lives at home. He did not feel challenged by his classes this semester and is looking forward to fall. He's still trying to decide on a major or majors. He will need to transfer, which he will start that application process next fall. We knew that when he applied to this school, so not a huge issue. 

 

We're hoping to move closer to school this summer, which will help with what has been the biggest issue, FOOD! We spend some long days on campus and he's so frugal he won't buy food on campus unless he's practically dying. We're both exhausted, so packing lunch is low on the priority scale, so some of that will have to improve. It would be nice to go home for lunch or in those long stretches between classes. 

 

As a parent, I have been thrilled at how my very introverted child has dealt with college life. In many ways, we are like roommates and peers and I am truly enjoying this young adult stage with him. 

 

The week after finals he heads to Japan for a two week study abroad. I told him I will cry at the airport because he's been wanting to go to Japan since he was about 12 or 13. Our circumstances would have never afforded the opportunity, but this trip has slid into place fairly painlessly. My dad, who passed away in November, was excited about him having this chance (he served in Japan during his draft days), but he passed away before ds found out for sure he was accepted. So I'll cry for that reason too. 

 

My son was always an average student with a high level of curiosity about some subjects. It has been nice to see the curiosity expand over this year. It's also been nice that he has carved our his area of interest, so diverse from mine, that he feels smart and capable. I'm not sure he understood that part while homeschooling. 

 

 

 

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Dd is nearing the end of her junior year with three more weeks of classes. She's been on the Dean's List every semester--so proud. This was the first semester she did not have the week 2 "omg I'm going to fail everything this is so hard" freakout :)

 

She scored a coveted internship this summer with the state Shakespeare Festival. She'll be able to continue working at her retail job as well.

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I have twin sons who are finishing up their junior year of college.  One is majoring in computer engineering, the other in electrical engineering.  They are both doing extremely well.  One is very social and somehow finds time for demanding classes (he takes a heavy courseload), sports, work, his girlfriend, social stuff, etc.  My other son takes fewer courses and doesn't do much outside of school (I suspect he has Asperger's), but he has a very high GPA and was just honored at a banquet last night.  Both have good summer internships starting in a few weeks.  It is weird thinking they are going to be graduating next year already.  My oldest son graduated from college in 2013 and my youngest child will be starting community college this summer to take Spanish classes (she's 13).  

 

Erica

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(((Dot)))) - I hope he feels better soon. So many viruses going around right now! My dd has been sick all week, too... and she had two midterm exams, a paper, and a CS project due this week. :( Bad timing. There's been news all week about the norovirus at UR, too.

 

Stress and close living quarters don't play well. :(

 

ETA: Other than being really sick in a busy week, things have been going well for dd #2. She is overloaded by one class, but she's hanging in. She's loving the TKD club team and hopes to start competing on the sport team next year. (That would mean weekends away for tourneys, so she didn't want to jump in that far freshman year.) She has a beautiful single room on the top floor of Hogwarts castle, and her floormates have been wonderful. She got in with a small group of kids for rooming next year and they lucked into the first slot lottery pick, so her space next year is great, too. Eating vegan has been interesting, but OK so far. Next year I think the dining options will improve as far as that goes. She opted to take the first class of a liberal arts distribution this semester and loves every bit of it... it's an English class: Shakespeare in the 20th and 21st centuries. They have seen some interesting adaptations, for sure.

 

Today she had a job interview to be an assistant for the 'summer reunion' - basically 5 days of alums coming back to campus for some sun and fun. :) I hope she gets it - it's so nice to see your campus in a different way, when you are not freezing cold and nose to the grindstone. This summer, she's coming home, working at the library, hopefully taking a photography course that she has been dying to take at the local CC (which will fulfill a liberal arts distribution requirement. yay!), and getting her driver's license!! She'd really like to find a MatSci lab to tag around at, too. She's looking for that now.

 

DD#1 has been enjoying every. single. minute. of her year away in Spain. I can't believe she'll be a senior when she gets back. That flew by!

 

 

 

Edited by Jen in NY
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(((Dot)))) - I hope he feels better soon. So many viruses going around right now! My dd has been sick all week, too... and she had two midterm exams, a paper, and a CS project due this week. :( Bad timing. There's been news all week about the norovirus at UR, too.

 

Stress and close living quarters don't play well. :(

 

:grouphug:  Jen and Dot :grouphug:   This time of year is hectic even when our kids our healthy. I hope both of your kids feel better soon. 

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Our dd has less than a month left in her freshman year.  She was able to come home at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.  She is a student-athlete, so we were able to briefly see her at competitions throughout the year too.  

 

I am happy with how her year has gone - successfully juggling studies, practices, competitions, a more active social life, and living away from home for the first time.  

 

I can't wait to have her home for the summer!!  

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Mine is not 'away' as she's living at home. This is her 2nd year in post sec & she is done for the semester. Last final was written on Monday;  she had a couple days off and started her f/t summer job yesterday. 

 

Each semester seems smoother. She's been experimenting with different time management tricks & tweaking study methods.

 

That's one thing I'm definitely emphasizing more with ds who's still learning at home: hack your study methods now while you have opportunity to experiment. Also, learn to work fast, fast, fast.

 

I know homeschooling in our house tends to be very rambly and leisurely and it took dd an adjustment period to get much more laser focused in her studies. We've also had some conversations about how something might be fascinating and worth exploring but you just can't because there's no time and the thing you need to put your efforts into is the thing that is going to get graded. Switching off the 'learning for its own sake' programming & replacing it with 'I'm here to jump through hoops and get certain credentials' has been an important part of adjusting.

Dd's school technically runs on a trimester system (though most people don't go in the 3rd term) and the terms are so short that you have to hit the ground running because if you fall behind even a couple lectures or a week's reading, it's very hard to recover. Some students who get into classes in week 2 off waitlists are constantly behind because they've already missed tons of material. 

I'm sure those of you who have done the DE thing or other outside classes do a much better job of prepping your kids. Mine went in cold. Literally the first classroom she sat in was a college math class. 

(eta, braggy brag addition: she was already on the honor roll & just learned this semester she earned all As) 


 

Edited by hornblower
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Ds is finishing his junior year. He was accepted to the math honor society, is president and webmaster of computer science and math clubs, and he just found out he won a $2600 math scholarship. He gave a great presentation Tuesday, then collapsed that night and ended up in the ER. They could only diagnose dehydration, as he's been ill for 2 weeks. Next night I drove up there once again to get him to urgent care. High fever, way too loud cough, and dizziness. This time they say flu, tho he had the shot. He's at home now, sleeping. I dread taking him back, because it's nearly time for finals and I have a sinking feeling he'll be up for days trying to get everything done.

 

That's awful.  It's so hard when our kids are away from us and are sick or injured.  My friend's son had an emergency appendectomy and was attending college across the country from home.  She ended up not going because the surgery was over by the time she could get there.  Hope your son is better soon.  Tough to miss so much time.  

 

Erica

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My son has lived at home but has absolutely loved college.  He wasn't sure how he would like staying at home but the local college was paying him to attend so he felt like he couldn't pass that up.  In addition to being an ambassador for the college, he has had the opportunity to be involved in so many other things that he didn't know were available to him.  He has a 4.0 and was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa- he will be an officer next year but they don't decide on these until August.  The college asked him to be the head ambassador this summer and next year- this means he will be in charge of tours this summer and hiring ambassadors for next year.  His Calculus professor asked him to be one of the two official Calculus tutors for next year and also asked him to be his assistant.  My son has found that he has had so many opportunities, met many wonderful people, and been able to learn so much more than he thought he would.  After next year he will be transferring to engineering school to finish up his degree.  I am so happy with how much he has enjoyed college and hope that next year is just enjoyable.

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DS is doing well academically and has been on the Dean's list.  He made the necessary GPA to maintain his scholarship but we still haven't heard from Financial aid about next year's package.  

 

For us the struggle has been social.  The majority of students who attend his school come from a much higher SES than we are used to. As a result, DS is having difficulty fitting in.  There was one student in one of his classes with a private jet and he would invite his frat brothers for weekend excursions. DS is learning to read people and is beginning to be able to pick up on who is from old money, who is just wealthy, and who is more blue collar.  He was telling me about noting differences in how people eat (not the types of foods but in table manners, etc).    We've struggled with him not having appropriate clothes and being underdressed. This is the first college (outside of the academies) I know of with a required style of dress for certain occasions.

 

He fits in academically but we just cannot afford the lifestyle that so many of the students are used to.   His school definitely has an atmosphere of privilege and some things are just assumed.  

 

He hasn't found a group/tribe and, since he chose not to be in a frat, I fear he is lonely.  He didn't have a moving group for next year and moved as a single.  It's sophomore housing and most sophomores live in special housing or frat houses.  He chose not to apply for special housing and went into general apartments.  Right now, he is the only student in a 5 person suite.  :(  This really bothers me.  I don't want him to be alone; having someone, anyone, in the suite would be better than being alone.  I'm hoping the housing department does something and puts him with other students.

I have told him he can transfer if he wants to but it's his decision.  He likes his advisor and he is doing research in his area of interest so a transfer is doubtful.

 

I find myself thinking about the schools he turned down and wondering 'what if'.  

Edited by ScoutermominIL
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What a fascinating thread!

 

Dd2 is finishing up her sophomore year at a conservatory. She transferred there from a highly-ranked LAC, so there has definitely been an adjustment period! (Unsurprisingly, she has found the liberal arts classes to be quite easy!)

 

She is thriving and finding her crowd, but it's been a tough year for her.She's had a job rejection (not unusual, but an experience she's never had before), she's broken up with her bf, she's had some bizarre medical issues that we need to follow on this summer, and she has had to navigate a very different social scene.

 

She's giving a solo concert tonight in some town near Niagara Falls -- hundreds of miles from anyone she knows. She's been treated very well by the folks sponsoring the concert. Since she isn't old enough to rent a car, she has been escorted everywhere and even been given a tour of the area -- including viewing the Falls from the American side. I admire her courage in agreeing to do this concert!

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My son has had a wonderful year.  (I was relieved to see that our homeschooling program prepared him extremely well for his classes.)  He shocked us this fall by pledging a fraternity. (I had no first-hand knowledge of Greek life and have discovered that my impression that all frats resemble Animal House is not true.)  He really liked his dorm and debated about whether to stay in his dorm room next year or move into the frat house. He has decided to live in the frat house and will be moving a lot of his stuff there at the end of the semester, which will save us the hassle of bringing it home for the summer.

 

He has gotten involved in a lot of different activities on campus and has a great group of friends.  We have made the 12 hour trek up to see him four times this year and are heading up for our 5th and final trip of the year next weekend to watch the team compete in a series of matches.  He was voted the school's "athlete of the week" which had a special significance to me since he spent the last two years of high school sidelined, rehabbing an injury.

 

I was an emotional wreck the last few months before he left last fall.  He has been so happy that, while I miss having him around the house, I am grateful that he is where he is. 

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DS is doing well academically and has been on the Dean's list.  He made the necessary GPA to maintain his scholarship but we still haven't heard from Financial aid about next year's package.  

 

For us the struggle has been social.  The majority of students who attend his school come from a much higher SES than we are used to. As a result, DS is having difficulty fitting in.  There was one student in one of his classes with a private jet and he would invite his frat brothers for weekend excursions. DS is learning to read people and is beginning to be able to pick up on who is from old money, who is just wealthy, and who is more blue collar.  He was telling me about noting differences in how people eat (not the types of foods but in table manners, etc).    We've struggled with him not having appropriate clothes and being underdressed. This is the first college (outside of the academies) I know of with a required style of dress for certain occasions.

 

He fits in academically but we just cannot afford the lifestyle that so many of the students are used to.   His school definitely has an atmosphere of privilege and some things are just assumed.  

 

He hasn't found a group/tribe and, since he chose not to be in a frat, I fear he is lonely.  He didn't have a moving group for next year and moved as a single.  It's sophomore housing and most sophomores live in special housing or frat houses.  He chose not to apply for special housing and went into general apartments.  Right now, he is the only student in a 5 person suite.  :(  This really bothers me.  I don't want him to be alone; having someone, anyone, in the suite would be better than being alone.  I'm hoping the housing department does something and puts him with other students.

 

I have told him he can transfer if he wants to but it's his decision.  He likes his advisor and he is doing research in his area of interest so a transfer is doubtful.

 

I find myself thinking about the schools he turned down and wondering 'what if'.  

 

That's a very tough situation.  I'm sorry.

 

Erica

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He hasn't found a group/tribe and, since he chose not to be in a frat, I fear he is lonely.  He didn't have a moving group for next year and moved as a single.  It's sophomore housing and most sophomores live in special housing or frat houses.  He chose not to apply for special housing and went into general apartments.  Right now, he is the only student in a 5 person suite.  :(

 

I hear you loud and clear. My older two went to a college that is an outstanding school academically but is approximately 80% Greek. They both opted not to go Greek, and that resulted in more loneliness than I (as their mom) want to think about.

 

Hugs to you. And do rest assured that a lonely college experience is tough but if your son is like mine there is light at the end of the tunnel. Both of my kids did find their tribe -- one in grad school and one after college in a local church / young adults group.

 

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My middle son has never had a bad step at college (U Rochester boy), unless you count the time he twisted his ankle.  He went away from home and hit the scene full on.  His grades have been awesome, he's tried several new extra curriculars (ASL, dance, juggling), he's worked in labs, been TAs, RAs (both with great reviews from students), shadowed doctors, done summer research internships, and gotten to know all of his profs in depth as well as having several terrific friends.  I'm not positive he sleeps, but aside from that, he's any parent's dream and is getting the most out of our college $$ and the investment the college made in him with merit and need-based aid.

 

My youngest son (Eckerd boy) is finishing up his sophomore year.  His first semester was rocky due to having a bad roommate (who liked to lock him out of his room & more) and not finding many/any(?) real friends.  He also goes to a drug/drinking heavy school, but doesn't do either.  He liked his classes, but without friends... life was shaky.  We thought he might come home, but encouraged him to get involved in activities he liked to see how it went.  Those activities introduced him to a wider friend group.  That allowed him to switch roommates.  Life got better!  

 

We've also seen a TON of maturity in the past two years from this guy.  He was always tagging along with his brothers (only 3 1/2 years separated all three of them) and letting them lead.  Now he leads.  He's found others who don't care to drink or use drugs and he's been a great stable friend for many freshmen who come in not wanting to join that crowd.  He's also taking advantage of the multiple opportunities there - activities, clubs, knowledge of profs, study abroad (Greece), languages, and even a school related group of retired folks who are still interested in learning - they love to share their knowledge with students and there's a wealth of knowledge among them.  He's soaking it all up.  He's started multiple (small) gardens there and works with composting.  

 

There's no question in my mind that our college $$ are well worth it - even with the different start my guys have had and the different colleges they chose.

 

(Oldest did well too, but he graduated a couple of years ago - now out happily working in his field.)

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I've enjoyed reading all the replies, though am saddened to hear of the few who are struggling with loneliness.  I hope things will change and improve when school start up again in the fall -- something unexpected might come with new students, new classes.  But what a great group of kids represented here!! I love getting to share in the joys of their successes!

 

My youngest graduates next month from College of Wooster, a small LAC in Ohio. The academics are outstanding, the research opportunities abundant, and the student body full of interesting and quirky young people.  My ds has done research since his freshman year, has done field work every summer, been a TA and a tutor and has presented twice at a national academic conference. He found his tribe fairly quickly his freshman year, and I know graduation will be so hard as they are all scattering across the country.  It has been an excellent place for him, and like Creekland's 2016 ds, mine has been a parent's dream student, getting the most out of his time at college.  Mommy brag to follow!  He was elected into Phi Beta Kappa at the end of his junior year, has won two department honors, been a fixture on the Dean's List -- now we wait to hear what kind of honors he will graduate with.

 

I'll be weeping at the airport in July when he heads to Japan for a year to teach English. He felt he needed a gap year (or two) before heading to grad school. We're already planning a trip out there to visit!! 

 

Creekland -- what is your Rochester boy planning post-graduation?

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DD graduates this May with her Bachelors degree.  She lives on campus but at a fairly local school.  Depending on time of day and traffic, she can be home in less than an hour.  Her first year she came home quite a bit, almost every weekend.  Since then, she's come home a lot less, maybe once every month or every other month and usually doesn't stay overnight.  She's lived in an on-campus apartment the past two years and she has more room and privacy than she'd have at home.

 

She hasn't had any problem with social life.  Her best friend since 3rd grade also attends there (and was her roommate sophomore year and this year), as well as other friends from high school and before.  She's also close enough to come home and visit friends on the weekends.  She joined a sorority her sophomore year and the newly formed college dance team her junior year. 

 

She's done very well with classes.  She's stuck with the same major from the beginning and is finishing up in 4 years with a tough major and two minors.   She's also had a job since her sophomore year and has an internship this semester. She definitely keeps busy. 

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Creekland -- what is your Rochester boy planning post-graduation?

 

He's been accepted into U Rochester's Take Five program.  This means free tuition (close to 50K) for a 5th year studying something completely different from one's majors.  He chose something to the effect of "Western Influences on Global Success in Africa."  He's going to continue to be an RA too, so tuition and his room will be free.  We'll just have to pay for his food.  He'll also continue his linguistics research with his paid lab position.

 

After that will be med school.  I'm honestly not worried at all about him getting accepted at this point, but this year is his application year.

 

Rochester allows kids doing Take Five to "graduate" twice so they don't miss the ceremonies and fun with their class, but his actual diploma and awards (he has several) will come next year.  Nonetheless, we'll be heading there in May to celebrate with him this year too.

 

Enjoy your time with your guy - glad to hear his Wooster experience has been so successful too!

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One dd graduated in December, and I'm so happy for her!  It was a tough 5-year program, all in Spanish, in Latin America.  She is so glad to be done!  Another will graduate in two weeks.  That makes me happy too.  He started, stopped, started, got married, started up again, stopped, changed programs, and has been working one full-time job plus a part-time job plus school full-time for two years now.  It has been exhausting but he will be done soon!  He and his wife are going on a long cruise across the Atlantic when he is done.

 

My youngest transferred to a different college this year, and it turned out to be great for her.  She loves the program she's in, and really lucked out with her three roommates.  They've become best friends.  She was an average student who is really blossoming in college.  Two professors (from totally separate programs) contacted her personally to compliment her and try and persuade her into majoring in their department.  That meant the world to her.  With 4 older siblings who always did well academically, I think she lacked confidence in her own abilities.  So fun to see her finding her way and gaining confidence.  :)

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DS is doing well academically and has been on the Dean's list.  He made the necessary GPA to maintain his scholarship but we still haven't heard from Financial aid about next year's package.  

 

For us the struggle has been social.  The majority of students who attend his school come from a much higher SES than we are used to. As a result, DS is having difficulty fitting in.  There was one student in one of his classes with a private jet and he would invite his frat brothers for weekend excursions. DS is learning to read people and is beginning to be able to pick up on who is from old money, who is just wealthy, and who is more blue collar.  He was telling me about noting differences in how people eat (not the types of foods but in table manners, etc).    We've struggled with him not having appropriate clothes and being underdressed. This is the first college (outside of the academies) I know of with a required style of dress for certain occasions.

 

He fits in academically but we just cannot afford the lifestyle that so many of the students are used to.   His school definitely has an atmosphere of privilege and some things are just assumed.  

 

He hasn't found a group/tribe and, since he chose not to be in a frat, I fear he is lonely.  He didn't have a moving group for next year and moved as a single.  It's sophomore housing and most sophomores live in special housing or frat houses.  He chose not to apply for special housing and went into general apartments.  Right now, he is the only student in a 5 person suite.  :(  This really bothers me.  I don't want him to be alone; having someone, anyone, in the suite would be better than being alone.  I'm hoping the housing department does something and puts him with other students.

 

I have told him he can transfer if he wants to but it's his decision.  He likes his advisor and he is doing research in his area of interest so a transfer is doubtful.

 

I find myself thinking about the schools he turned down and wondering 'what if'.  

Well, the school will definitely be putting others in his 5 person suite, and hopefully he'll find at least one like-minded friend in the bunch!  It could be others who are feeling a little out of place too, or transfer students looking for a friend.  I have heard many parents say that it wasn't until their child's sophomore or junior year that they finally met their friend group in college.

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 He hasn't found a group/tribe and, since he chose not to be in a frat, I fear he is lonely.  

 

 

 They both opted not to go Greek, and that resulted in more loneliness than I (as their mom) want to think about.

 

I want to believe that not all frats and sororities are the same, but I think they are not for everyone. 

Last night, I felt very sad for the OP reading this thread at CC and was pretty disturbed reading Post #20 onwards (I didn't even finish the whole thread):

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1853392-advice-for-son-who-didnt-get-in-to-fraternity-p1.html

 

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Mine lived at home and is in college locally.

 

I'm so very, very glad that we did that. He had two surgeries, four months of PT, and is having some stress-related health problems that we're seeking to address. Through it all he has straight A's and was inducted into the honor society last weekend.

 

DH had joint replacement, and we've having a lot of work done on the house.

 

It's been a rough year. Arg!

 

He's going to work this summer and relax. NO CLASSES!

 

We should hear about institutional scholarships soon. He's on a generous merit scholarship, and I'm guessing he'll get that again and perhaps more. They do only annual awards.

Edited by G5052
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One thing I didn't understand about the Greek / non-Greek scene is that when a college is 80% Greek, it does NOT mean that the remaining 20% of students are happy independents.

 

The non-Greek students in a heavily Greek college will be made up of a variety of students --

     1) The students who want to go Greek but either didn't have the GPA to rush or were kicked out because of their GPA

     2) Foreign students who (at least at my kids' schools) enter the Greek scene at much lower rates

     3) Students with other issues or who are real loners

     4) Students who didn't rush successfully for whatever reason

     5) And lastly, the ones who just want to be independent

 

I somehow thought that if a college was 80% Greek, the remaining students would ALL be in category 5. Silly me! Live and learn!

 

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My 19yo is wrapping up her third year away from home. She picked up a double major in art, which she's talked about doing for a long time. I graduated her at 16, so she's young and has time to explore her interests. One of her pieces received an award in the juried student art show this year, so that was pretty cool.

 

She worked full-time last summer as a software engineering intern for a company here in the metro, and they asked her to come back this summer, so once finals are over she'll start there again.

 

She was always a very intense, academically focused, introverted kid. She has a small group of friends that she hangs out with, does her art things and her computer things and she's happy. It's all good. :D

 

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DD is wrapping up her second year at college.

 

One thing I really like about the way that this shook out is that she has a scholarship that is contingent on a 3.0 GPA.  So it is the scholarship that nags her about her grades, not me.  Also, even with that scholarship the school is quite a bit more expensive than we really planned on, so we said that if she wanted to go there she would need to chip in the Stafford loan amount each year (really a trivial part of the overall cost).  This has given her just enough ownership, and not too much.  We don't have to apply any motivation at all.  In fact, although I have encouraged her to go all four years, she is working toward graduating a semester early.

 

Because she's doing so well, when she told us that she'd really like to do a summer educational stay in the Czech Republic because her favorite prof is leading it, we agreed.  She is paying for any airline ticket amount over $1000, and for the registration fee and we are paying the rest.  She'll be taking two classes while she is over there for 5 weeks.   I have always thought that a semester abroad is a great thing for a writer, and although this isn't a regular semester, I'm glad she's doing it and I think it will be worthwhile.  Plus this ought to cinch graduating a semester early.

 

She just found out that she has been awarded a $6300 special extra scholarship for her junior year.  She didn't apply for this, but was chosen for the award because she is doing so well in her major.  She's pretty tickled, and I am, too.  It's awesome!

 

She has found good friendships there, and also has kept in touch with some old friends through skype and extensive visiting during school breaks.  

 

I see her maturing, and it's very clear to me because we don't see her all that often--just Christmas and summer breaks--so each time the jumps are dramatic.  Last summer was very rocky but by the end of the summer we were at a reasonably good place, and now I think things are going to be smooth and reasonable for the foreseeable future.

Edited by Carol in Cal.
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My DD is finishing out her first year at an out of country university. The first part of the year was rough, then DD moved into a dorm flat where all of her flatmates shared meals and divided the cooking. This made for the community that was lacking at the beginning of the year. There were adjustments, but DD is doing very well socially and academically. 

 

Surprises:

  • DD did not realize how many people did not know how to swim.
  • Group projects are most often a one man show.
  • Surroundings are important.
  • How many students are not prepared for class or do not take their education seriously-The wealth of the her fellow students might have something to do with this attitude.
  • Thankful to having finally gotten the hang of time management by her senior year in high school.

 

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My daughter is finishing her second year of on-campus DE at Georgia Tech and will start there as a "freshman" in August, so I say I get to play on both this thread and the application/acceptance thread.  Now that I think about it, she has applied to and been accepted by Tech four times.  That might be a record.  Is there a prize?

 

She's had three upper-level math classes and the second English comp class this semester.  They are winding down, as exams start Friday.  Grades are solid, as far as I know. The big news is that she has actively participated in two math research projects that will be submitted for publication.  She was a significant contributor to both projects, not just the girl who fetches coffee, and will get equal billing with five co-authors (four professors, two post-docs) on one and one co-author (with a math professor) on the other.  Both are contingent upon being accepted by the journals and not being scooped by another researcher, of course.  Math majors have to conduct either a senior thesis or undergraduate research project to graduate; I'm not sure how many are able to knock that out before they enter as freshmen, but she says the work she's done this semester will satisfy that requirement twice over.  In case anyone is wondering how to get access to undergraduate research, her projects were offered spontaneously after she spent a lot of time with the professors during office hours.  She always did homework assignments well before they were due and went to office hours if she needed help.  She ended up spending a lot of time in the math department, and the professors (whom I've previously compared to cult members) were incredibly encouraging.  She was literally pulled into one of the projects as she was looking for coffee, but the pulling was from a post-doc she'd befriended during a math study group put together by one of her professors from last semester.  She loves the work, or says she does (I am doubtful only because I don't understand it one tiny bit; it is like someone saying, "I just luuuuuve eating paper clips.")

 

She leaves in about a month for a study abroad in China, which should be a good break from math.  Fingers crossed that she remembers some tiny bit of the Chinese she supposedly learned during all of those years of homeschooling!  

 

 

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Ds1 is finishing up his second year at Hendrix College. Definitely been an interesting year. He has been much more serious about academics with very solid grades. He broke up with his first serious gf and has another right now. He decided to change his major again (just told me about it today). Friendships are going pretty well right now, the gf stuff definitely created drama.

He will be home this summer to work and save money. Maturity comes and goes....

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My daughter is finishing up her freshman year and I am convinced she is never coming home. She goes to school cross country and has yet to buy plane tickets. She has plans to hang out with friends and various other things before heading home to take 2 summer classes online and hopefully continue with last summers job.

 

We have nicknamed her Nurse Happy because she is so deliriously happy with her nursing program.

 

Next year she is going to be a peer catalyst (had to apply, and bonus you get paid) and be on Honors Board (no idea what it entails) and be secretary of her dance club. There's probably more but that's all I know about for now :)

 

She is thrilled with housing for next year (8 girls, living room/dining area, 2 story, really nice!)

 

If I could just get her to pack aka figure out how many boxes she needs I would be thrilled. I have a service picking up her stuff and storing for the summer (if she actually packs in time!)

 

It's been hard but I ask/remind once and am letting her handle everything. Hopefully I will see her in person some time in June!

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He hasn't found a group/tribe and, since he chose not to be in a frat, I fear he is lonely.  He didn't have a moving group for next year and moved as a single.  It's sophomore housing and most sophomores live in special housing or frat houses.  He chose not to apply for special housing and went into general apartments. 

 

Ds is in a similar situation. He hasn't found his tribe either. He elected to just live in the dorms again next year and have roommates assigned to him. I'm hoping he will find friends instead of just acquaintances among his roommates next year. Ds is slow to make friends and has a lot of acquaintances and people who are situational friends in classes and in the dorm, but no one he has really connected with. It doesn't surprise me that this has taken longer, but I hope the situation improves next year. He now comes home most weekends on Saturday and doesn't go back until late Sunday or even early Monday (his first class isn't until 10:00).

 

Academically, the year has gone ok. It has been a bit of a roller coaster. Ds has multiple LDs and chose not to use the accommodations setup for him through disability services. His grades in almost every class look the same - A's on everything that was turned in mixed with some 0's for work not turned in. This is a perfectionism/anxiety thing that has been hard to break through. He is at a small LAC and teachers have been great about working with him and giving him extra time as needed. I'm biting my nails waiting for second semester grades, but hopefully they will be good enough to maintain his scholarship (first semester was). 

 

Ds has loved most of his classes and professors. Overall it has been a good learning/growing experience. We expected challenges for him and were prepared to work through them. Some things have gone better than expected, others not as well, but we are pleased with his growth and success so far in spite of the difficulties.

Edited by Momto2Ns
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Well... lol... As I keep saying, my family isn't really academic minded.  They are late bloomers, which doesn't help at all.  They are curious and interested in intellectual puzzles and problem solving, but the whole school setup is not something they are particularly interested in.  Finishing any sort of academic program is not easy in my family and they are unlikely to pay enough attention to jumping through the proper hoops for long enough to get good grades.  That's ok with us.  We just want them at least to try college and (hopefully) graduate.  Actually, they are all so high strung that we are all pretty happy if they are alive, not stuck utterly miserable for an extended period of time, and not doing anything bad for themselves or the world.  All of them were academically well prepared (except for a few gaps in math - we should have done Dolciani after NEM rather than community college for pre-calc.  All three can skim read and can write fast enough to manage their college classes.  It took forever to teach them and they couldn't do it until right before they left, but they can do it.  Note-taking hasn't been a problem because their professors put the notes online.  What has been a problem with all three, but most with the younger two, is that despite years of community college, they keep doing things that look, at best, like cheekiness, and at worst, deliberately sabotaging the professors' plans or cheating.  Sigh.  What it really is is applied problem solving on a much wider scale than the professor anticipated, like using algebra to solve a problem in a materials science class after one was taught to solve this type of problem using calculus (go Singapore lol) or cutting off all the irrelevant bits of an object for which one is supposed to be calculating the center of mass and greatly simplifying the rest of the calculations.  In that last case, sitting in the front of the room where everyone could see one's screen and "borrow" one's approach, thereby circumventing the complex calculations the quiz was designed to test knowledge of did not at all help.  We keep explaining that during a test, the idea is to demonstrate what the professor just taught you rather than actually solve the problems in the most efficient way, and most of the time they do that, but we can't keep them from doing something creative if they are running out of time or can't figure out any other way to do it because they didn't properly learn the professor's way.  They are getting better at being aware that they shouldn't embarrass professors publicly.  It is going to be a miracle if they graduate.  If they do, then this wider problem-solving/simplifying approach should be an advantage, provided they can figure out how to do it tactfully.

 

Oldest has graduated.  He homeschooled for 7th and 8th grade, hated high school so much that he only made it through on sheer grit and will power, didn't go to college right away, then went and finished in 4 years, and is now working. He just finished up a professional development class.

 

Middle one is back in college after a break and finding it much easier than the first time around, despite distractions like a long distance relationship.  We are all relieved because he managed to find a coop for this summer, or rather, his brother did for him. His school requires it but doesn't place the students.  This is my one who is wired such that academics are harder for him than for other people.

 

Youngest is in his junior year now.  He has an internship set for this summer, the same one he had last summer.  He is using college as the general learning and growing opportunity that we feel he should.  Academics are in there somewhere along with the growing and the struggling through a few life events like relationship breakup and family death.  He's on the quarter system.  This is great for my intense, focus-on-one-thing-at-a-time child, but means that any illnesses wipe out a term.  They have to hit the ground running and then keep running.  Midterms happen week 3.  A family death resulted in an extra summer term for youngest (in order to keep his scholarship) and so did flu.  That's ok.  Summer term is a viable way of getting through school and a whole lot less expensive than a fifth year.  We are hoping to avoid that.

 

So - how is it going?  Just about the way we expected it to, judging by our own experiences with school.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and my husband and I are similar - high strung, don't like school, late bloomers.

 

Nan

 

ETA - They all have done some really cool things in school and had some great experiences and made some great friends.  They also have had extended periods of misery and loneliness.  I am supposed to be going grocery shopping, so I've skipped the so-cool part, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. : )

Edited by Nan in Mass
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Well... lol... As I keep saying, my family isn't really academic minded.  They are late bloomers, which doesn't help at all.  They are curious and interested in intellectual puzzles and problem solving, but the whole school setup is not something they are particularly interested in.  Finishing any sort of academic program is not easy in my family and they are unlikely to pay enough attention to jumping through the proper hoops for long enough to get good grades.  That's ok with us.  We just want them at least to try college and (hopefully) graduate.  Actually, they are all so high strung that we are all pretty happy if they are alive, not stuck utterly miserable for an extended period of time, and not doing anything bad for themselves or the world. 

 

I just quoted a little, but really, I loved this post Nan! Thank you for sharing. Having kids that are out of the box thinkers really does challenge any kind of institutional education. It has been better in college than it was when my kids were in ps when they were little, but it is still a challenge. I laughed so hard at your descriptions. It is so good to know we aren't the only ones with bright, creative, different kids that challenge norms and are challenged to stay within them enough to make some things work.

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My "parent's dream child" got notification that he won a senior award at his school.  Apparently it comes with $$ too, but I've no idea how much.  This is on top of having won a "stay and research with us this summer and we'll pay you good $$" award.

 

We knew about the latter for a while since it affected his summer plans knowing he's getting paid handsomely to work there.  With the former we were told he wasn't going to be getting any senior awards this year due to his having been accepted into Take 5 and getting one more year of studies.  It is quite the pleasant surprise.  

 

"The award goes to the member of the senior class who best evidences the qualities of good character and good citizenship, such as decency, reliability, responsibility, and congeniality."

 

It definitely makes this mama (and papa) proud that he's being recognized for being a decent human being.  Raising a decent human being (or three) has been our ultimate goal TBH.  Anything they do in addition is purely bonus.  We're beaming here.  He told us he's "partying" (said tongue in cheek since he's in his lab working - his type of "party!").  He's thrilled too.  It's a really nice pat on the back for him.

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<snip>

 

"The award goes to the member of the senior class who best evidences the qualities of good character and good citizenship, such as decency, reliability, responsibility, and congeniality."

 

It definitely makes this mama (and papa) proud that he's being recognized for being a decent human being.  Raising a decent human being (or three) has been our ultimate goal TBH.  Anything they do in addition is purely bonus.  We're beaming here.  He told us he's "partying" (said tongue in cheek since he's in his lab working - his type of "party!").  He's thrilled too.  It's a really nice pat on the back for him.

Yay!!!!!

 

Congratulations to all of you.   :cheers2:  Here's my contribution to the 'party'.

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Honestly, this has been the semester from H#11.

 

Oldest has 5 classes. One is independent study (it is awesome). Two Japanese with the same instructor who is almost violent with the students. (But, she did win the state speech contest in Japanese.) Two business classes with the same instructor who is awful. According to dd, he doesn't actually understand the material himself or simply doesn't speak/understand English well enough to know what he is saying. But, it is her last semester of classes. As long as she passes them, she is good. In addition to the bad teachers, which she is not used to having to deal with, she has been throwing up for a couple of months and cannot eat anything but very basic food (lives on potatoes at this point). Doctors have not been able to find anything. I am just glad this is her last semester. (She has a summer internship as a final class.) She no longer cares due to the incompetence of her teachers this semester. This is a woman who has been an incredible college student. She has never made a grade lower than a B, and very few of those. Now, she is just hoping to pass and be done. Amazing how a semester of horrid teachers can kill a love of learning.

 

Second dd is taking 21 hours. (making up some credits due to transferring schools to be admitted into next level for Fall/old school didn't have those required Freshmen check the box classes)Fortunately, 3 of those credits were taken over Christmas break! She has two science classes and a math, so things have been quite hectic. She loves her new school (transferred before fall). Things have gone well but been hectic. Well, other than a group presentation yesterday that had a group that would not communicate. at all. Seriously, they finally emailed the night before!!!! She managed to snag one boy after class two days before; the rest ran out of class. Only reason they did email the night before was because she had contacted the instructor. She should have a 4.0 this semester.

 

Third dd had a great first part of the semester. Then, her Anatomy and Physiology professor realized he hadn't even begun to cover the material he had to cover. The last two weeks has been cramming over 3/4ths of the material in and testing every other class period. Her grade is quickly falling. She still has two tests and a final left and tomorrow is the last day of classes. They will be taking a test tomorrow, one Monday (during finals week), and the final Wed. She will likely have a D because of his poor organization. Her other three classes should be A's, but they are sliding as she is having to put absolutely everything she has into the one class just to survive it.

 

Ds graduated with a 4.0 a week ago. Has a test run on a thick pipe (welding) on Monday for a job. Hopefully, that will go well. He is the only one who has had a good semester!

 

It is really odd because (other than problems with the science department at dd21b's previous school/they were nuts) my kids have had an overall very positive college experience. I do admit that incompetence in teacher is something that I don't tolerate well, but I am not overly critical. I DO believe that college teachers should be teaching not just giving assignments randomly. I DO believe that they are responsible for setting a pace in the classroom that is reasonable for learning. I DO believe that they should be truly proficient in English.

Edited by Lolly
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Honestly, this has been the semester from H#11.

 

Ugh!  The best consolation for that is to know it's almost over, it will provide great "stories" later on in life, and knowing we all learn through both the good and bad, so while the academic learning has been off, the life learning is still there.

 

But in the meantime, I hope all finishes as well as it can and I'd be planning some sort of celebration of "doneness" for when it's all over!

 

:grouphug:

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He took his last Final on Wednesday and came home last night. There was a "I'm a sophomore, I'm a sophomore, I'm a sophomore!" happy dance in the living room.LOL

 

He's fortunate to be done so soon!  Does he have summer plans?

 

My sophomore boy can't attend middle son's graduation (middle of May) because he has three finals the day after.  He comes home two days after that, but that timing just doesn't work for graduation (sigh).

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Mine had his last actual class today, and then next week takes a full comprehensive final, the second half of a comprehensive final (he did the first half this week), a last exam, and a paper due Friday. I keep telling him that he just has to hang in there a little longer...

 

He got credit for his AP Latin finally, but he's going to have to meet with an advisor to have it count as a humanities elective. That's OK, he also has to transfer in some online credits, and I want to understand the procedure for that. My second one will be going through all of this too. 

 

I'm trying to figure out summer travel so that he can plan his work schedule, which is thankfully flexible about that as long as they know ahead of time.

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DD16 is finishing up her second semester of full time dual enrollment. She has had a great year and has enjoyed both the academics and the social (her program is very tightknit.) She is very sad that her favorite Latino Literature class is over. Though she has no idea what she will major in when she finally hits the 4 year college campus, she was greatly surprised that she did quite well in math (Thanks to LoF) and is now toying with adding math to the mix of possible majors. She is excited to be attending Barnard College's Summer in the City program on partial scholarship.

 

DD14 is just finishing up her first dual enrollment class. Her instructor was incredibly disorganized. DD never knew what to expect next; the format of the final has changed a minimum of 5 times. She has only seen about 20% of her grades to date. Things were so in array that she went and spoke with the Director of Humanities about the instructor. She will definitely be glad when that class is over. DD is completing her Girl Scout Gold Award project this summer.

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DD commuted locally to the same community college where she previously dual enrolled.  I didn't expect many surprises but she seems to have really grown socially this year.  She joined a student club and interacted much more with her classmates.  Most of her classes are heavily dominated by males but she connected with one of the few other females.  They routinely met up before/after classes to go over homework assignments together and/or eat in the cafeteria.  I'm sure this doesn't sound like much but it is real growth for her.  She had a blast with the student club but would have to come home afterwards and retreat to her room to be alone for a while.  Being around many people wears her out.

 

DD had 1 fine, 2 good, and 1 great instructor this semester. She did consult ratemyprofessor during registration but some of it is just luck on how the course schedule works out.  Fortunately, the great instructor is teaching the next math course in her sequence in the fall so she was sure to sign up for him again. She did well last semester and even better this semester.  She had a group project in her science course this semester and lucked out with a great group.  Everyone actively contributed and completed their commitments. 

 

Because of the dual enrollment credits, she has only 1 more semester at the CC before transferring to a 4-year university.  She's already been accepted to her second choice school and was given a scholarship which would help defray the cost of her living on campus (too far to commute).  She won't know until late into the fall if she gets into her program at her first choice school (higher cost in tuition but within commuting distance so less expensive overall).  She's been to prospective student days at both schools and feel like either would work well for her. 

 

Second DD will begin dual enrollment in the fall and is looking forward to overlapping at the same school as her sister for one semester.  

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I posted earlier about how much my son is enjoying school and it just got better.  Yesterday he received his first college award- top Calculus student of the year.  He is passionate about Calculus and was thrilled to be recognized. 

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