What type on emotions do you see in your gifted children?

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

This is like a can of worms, but I am wondering what emotions or desires your see in your gifted children?

[Scuff]

I'm wondering this too. I just started reading "Some of my Best Friends are Books" and they talk about this alot (at least they have so far.) Through a lot of it I can see aspects of each of them (especially DS). But I'm also thinking, isn't that all kids? I don't know. I was never labled gifted and I don't know if my kids are or not, though they seem to be somewhat. So maybe my views are tainted in that I'm familiar with gaiftedness and don't know it or they're just common to humanity as a whole? I don't know. It's interesting to think about, though.

 

ETA: I didn't answer the question :) The (some, don't have a lot of time) emotions I see that were mentioned: socially awkward; not fitting in with most kids; not understanding why others don't understand things or share your desire to learn; talking at people (adults mostly), spouting off all you know; ect (will post more later)

Edited September 26, 2008 by Scuff

[JWSJ]

My dd2 screams, "I am mad! I am mad!" while red in the face. This is when she doesn't get her way. She reminds me of the Queen in Alice in Wonderland.

 

Everyone in the family agrees she is mad.

 

My ds7 is more like the Hatter.

 

My wife is the white rabbit.

[JenneinCA]

I see frustration and perfectionism. I see an incredible desire to do everything correct. I see a need to not make mistakes EVER.

 

And I see a lot of sadness and anger when mistakes happen anyway.

 

I see a desire to fit in and be normal. I see hiding of abilities to fit in. I see much confusion and frustration when the fitting in doesn't work.

 

I wish I saw more hope and persistence, but right now that isn't happening.

[hsmamainva]

I also see a desire to not make any mistakes in my youngest son.

 

He doesn't get frustrated -- he's quite persistent -- but he can't just let it go, if that makes sense.

 

He has a VERY strong sense of 'fairness' and 'injustice'. And he can become very upset when someone isn't 'doing what they should'.

 

He's very serious, overall. Not much rattles him. He's the most likely in our family to just 'go with the flow'.

[Storm Bay]

All of my dc are intense to some degree. My eldest is extremely so. My youngest worries a great deal (he's a deep thinker, often beyond his emotional ability to handle it at his age), but my middle child rarely seems to worry at all, even when it would seem warranted. All of my dc are sensitive, although not all in the same way.

[The Governess]

I'm not completely sure she's "gifted" per se, but I have noticed the following in my DD4:

 

1. Sensitive

2. Persistent

3. Stubborn

4. Driven

5. Controlling

6. Friendly

7. Sweet

8. Charming

 

 

:001_smile:

[cawn009]

For my nephews it's mixed emotions like timidity, shyness,happy, expressive, a little of stubbornness yet when you explain it's ok, reading a lot and have many questions.

[love2read]

This thread is interesting. We have three academically gifted children and four academically "average" children and the gifted children are by far the most cheerful and easy going. The other children tend to have more of the characteristics that some of you listed (perfectionist, demanding, etc.). I wonder if this is because our oldest was gifted and shaped our expectations and dh and I are very academically inclined. Maybe my others are not as cheerful because of me--oh my :001_huh:

[lovemyboys]

This is like a can of worms, but I am wondering what emotions or desires your see in your gifted children?

 

 

Definitely perfectionism in one, and frustration when things are less than that. Aloofness. Now that he's an avid reader, very focussed on what he's reading. Very visually, spatially oriented.

 

For one, absent-mindedness. Very creative, single-minded when doing a project. Can be emotional when he sees unfairness to himself or others. Leader, but likes a group. Very dexterous in handling small objects and creative things. Read early and likes anything with linguistics -- languages, accents, etc.

 

Both of these follow a different drummer in a different way. Can be extraordinarily patient in some ways and impatient in others.

 

Most of that isn't emotions but that's what I see.:001_smile:

[sixpence1978]

For my DS, I see a lot of perfectionism. He really can't stand to get something wrong. I have learned to let him correct any mistakes instead of marking them wrong. He would rather no answer or say "I don't know" than to risk a wrong answer.

 

He also is easier to anger and frustrate and will cry if anything isn't going his way. But he is also quite tender and needs a gentle hand, lots of reassurance and hugs.

 

My DD so far seems to be a more average learner. She is much more likely to try and get wrong and to move outside of the box.

 

I'm not sure if it is because of gifted versus not, or simple just how they were made.

[margoargo]

For years my daughter had wanted to hide her giftedness, and I think she had felt "weird" - now that she is in PS and has officially been recognized as gifted she is embracing it (not in a conceited way). She reads like a maniac, and wants to be a writer or an architect. She is a very hard and determined worker when she wants to be, but her room is always a mess. She does have some fears that are over the top (e.g.fear of heights, roller coasters,) which I think are due to her sometimes overactive imagination. She is also an extrovert, in that she gets her battery charged by being around lots of people. At times it was hard for her to be homeschooled, because of her extrovertedness. It was also challenging for me to teach her, eventhough she was very self-motivated.

 

One of my sons is gifted also, and he loves history and reading, and wants to be an engineer of some sort. He can be very impatient and perfectionistic. He takes making mistakes on certain things very hard (almost tears), but his handwriting is and always has been poor.

 

When they were younger they both cried whenever they lost a board game! It has gotten better as they have gotten older.

[KAR120C]

I don't really see an emotional thing with DS and giftedness... He seems, emotionally, about the same as all his friends of the same age -- a little of everything depending on the day.

 

The one thing I do see with him that could be GT related, but isn't terribly obvious or out of range of normal, is that it seems that he approaches the whole world with one eyebrow raised. We'll call it a "healthy skepticism" about things. (Although DH and I call it the "what a moron" look.... LOL) He's never been one to fall for things hook-line-and-sinker, but fortunately he's polite about it. So it's just that one raised eyebrow and a quick subject-change. LOL

[cougarmom4]

I have struggled for years with my oldest son and his giftedness. While it's so exciting to see him excel academically, the biggest challenge has been his intense emotions. Believe me, no matter how he is feeling, everyone knows it. (Our neighbors, too!). It has always been a struggle to know how to help him rein in those emotions...and to not lose my own cool as I try to help him work through things. I keep hoping he'll outgrow it--he's now 11--because I can't quite imagine the teenage years if we keep going at this pace! What I'm trying to do now is simply love him for who he is...accepting him & his intensity; all the while praying for patience & guidance. That's easier said than done...sometimes I just wish he were more 'normal' so things weren't so hard.

 

I found an organization with a lot of helpful ideas that I wanted to share--it's called Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted. I think the website is www.seng.org, but if not, just google seng. If nothing else, reading the articles on this site helped me to know that there IS an emotional side to giftedness...and I'm not the only one wondering how in the world to deal with this.

[Karenciavo]

My older two were tested as gifted while in school, but are so different.

ds15 - black and white views on justice, does not fully relate to his peers, prefers adults.

ds13 - thinks in patterns, stubborn

ds6 - has not been tested, but taught himself to read at age 3 and is excelling in math so I guess he is gifted. :shrug: He is driven.

[Mommy22alyns]

Becca - very intense and demanding, but extremely happy and outgoing 99.9% of the time. She wants attention constantly. Inexplicable "drama queen" episodes at times. Tends to overthink situations and get worked up about nothing. Latches on to an idea and won't. let. GO. Perfectionistic. Becoming a real little planner.

 

 

Sylvia's only 3.5, but she could very well end up showing gifted as well, so I'll add her in. She's incredibly intense too, but with more mood swings. She can have a terrible temper at times that seems to be on a hair trigger. She has more focus and can concentrate quietly on things. Needs alone time to decompress - that can conflict with Becca's constant need to be with people. Stubborn to a degree that makes Becca look positively malleable. :glare:

 

Both girls have vivid imaginations and play elaborate pretend games, being different characters, arranging costumes, etc.

[lovemyboys]

She reads like a maniac, and wants to be a writer or an architect. She is a very hard and determined worker when she wants to be, but her room is always a mess. She does have some fears that are over the top (e.g.fear of heights, roller coasters,) which I think are due to her sometimes overactive imagination. She is also an extrovert, in that she gets her battery charged by being around lots of people. At times it was hard for her to be homeschooled, because of her extrovertedness. It was also challenging for me to teach her, eventhough she was very self-motivated.

 

This sounds like one ds here. He could be totally unschooled because he is so self-motivated. He's constantly in motion when he's not reading. He works away at projects, creating, redoing, perfecting, rearranging. It's amazing to watch. He goes outside to exercise, do sports, so he'd even get the PE in! Also afraid of heights and wild rides, very extroverted. Sometimes I feel like I should just get out of his way, and he'd get most everything learned on his own!

 

With oldest ds, I've had to emphasize that mastery is our goal. His perfectionism would send him into a funk with old-style corrected papers. He likes to know what's wrong and correct it immediately, erasing away the old.

 

It's neat to get into their heads to understand dc. It has helped me tailor things so much more efficiently and happily for all of us!

[KinderSafari]

My son has a really hard time controlling his emotions and problem solving in the moment.

 

We practice problem solving skills practically daily...

what would you do if....

what would you say if...

 

And he can answer correctly all the time.

But when something "unfair" happens, or frustrating happens, he falls apart.

 

It has improved over time, but it is still difficult for him to deal with other people and I worry about his future.

 

His other siblings, who are average in academics, have no social problems whatsoever, and are usually called frequently for playdates, etc.

 

It's hard to see someone so academically intelligent, work poorly with others. Others often have a negative impression of him, which is now finally starting to bother him as well. :(

[klmama]

Intensity. The same emotions the other smart kids have, just more intense. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, joy - all of it is just more intense. It's exhausting.

[klmama]

I found an organization with a lot of helpful ideas that I wanted to share--it's called Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted.

 

 

Here's the correct web address. http://www.sengifted.org/

[Donna]

Oldest: Driven, mature, always a leader in a group even of kids much older than he is. He is very steady emotionally. He is driven to do those things that interest him.

 

Middle: He is laid back academically but constantly worrying about everyone else's emotions, trying to make everyone happy. He is my most emotional kid in that he takes things hard though he would rarely let anyone notice. He prefers the company of adults from whom he can learn the things that interest him. He is very concrete in his thinking.

 

Youngest: Driven to perfection...constantly striving to learn, almost insatiably. When interested in something, she will work endlessly to perfect it. She has nerves of steel and loves to perform. She has a strong sense of fairness and points out inconsistencies.

[Nan in Mass]

Mine are 14, 18, and 21. All three are curious and interested. Two are super high strung. They were very easy when they were little and let me manage them (with great care on my part) but the transition to self-managing teen is pretty uncomfortable. The other is too empathic to give anyone a hard time about anything, but I suspect is also very high strung. He lived in his own world when he was little. He's the one who peace-walking now and has been exposed to all sorts of realities and seems to manage it fine. All three need a very sheltered gentle home to retreat to. All three are super sensitive but in general consider the rest of the world so crazy that they aren't a bit surprised if it does things that upset them, and so manage fairly well. The youngest is bright enough to be pretty scornful of most people but politely conceals it. The oldest, who seems like the highest strung, actually managed life as a plumber for a few years. None of them "fit in" but we've been telling them from the time they were little that they probably wouldn't, so that doesn't seem to bother them, and we've supported and encouraged their efforts to appear to fit in, as long as they weren't morally wrong. They all have a few close friends. We've tried really hard to teach them to take things lightly and to keep a sense of perspective, because they naturally are inclined to take everything very hard. We say "Oops!" and move on. We don't talk about things too much because that means everyone has to relive the bad stuff. I love the phrase my oldest came home from school with - "My bad!" It says, "Oops! I made a mistake. Sorry!" without making a big deal about it or feeling overwhelmingly guilty about it. It is nice and no-fuss. Usually, I don't like slang, but I think this one is nice. It acknowledges fault without burdenning the other person with too much of your contrition or guilt.

 

With high strungness comes strong emotions. I did somthing that I am now super, super glad that I did - I never, ever let anybody touch anybody else when they were mad, or anybody hurt anybody. I made a huge, huge big deal about this, and I'm really glad I did. When your children become teenagers with even stronger emotions, and they are BIG, and you have to say things to them that make them even more angry, you need to be able to count absolutely on their not getting physical with you or anyone else. Self control is key. They'll be much happier if they know they can control themselves, too. Those strong emotions are horrid enough without adding fearing what you are going to regret later. Everybody needs to learn things to do to get rid of strong emotions, too. Making music or art or dancing or sports are good. So is going for a walk or escaping into a book or chopping some wood.

 

On a lighter note - it isn't really an emotion, but mine have developped a quirky sense of humour that is great fun. They keep me laughing.

-Nan

[SunshineMom]

My dd5 is very, very curious (asking so many questions, I have to consult the computer to answer) and intense with mental energy. She is also independent and gets angry if you even try to help her with something I might mistakely think she is not ready to do and she can. She also is a little bit of a perfectionist, needing everything just so. For the most part she is happy, playful, chatterbox, shows maturity with being sensitive to others needs, loveable and likeable however very intense!

[kathymuggle]

DS - strong sense of justice

-good sense of humour

-arguments must be logical - or else!

-stubborn about some thing, apathitic about others

-sensitive to noise, lights etc

 

DD

-perfectionist

-high energy

-fun when in a good mood, watch out when she is not

[mchel210]

Both my girls are gifted.

 

My 7 yo has shown the characteristics from birth...she is a perfectionist...To the point it drives me nuts!! She is borderline OCD on tons of things, like making her bed, brushing her teeth, cleaning her shoes...ughh....she cant write fast as it must be perfect...she panics if she doesnt get 100 % ...she cant handle any thing critical. She has to be first in everything she does...she cant stop talking until she completes her thoughts...and she cant drop something unless she completes it or finishes her thoughts or work.

 

NOw...

 

My 5 yo gifted...could care less. She is easy going, carefree, gets her work done at the last moment super fast...messy...no care for perfection...she is lazy as can be... if she can be...but once you tell her it has to get done...it is done in minutes. She didnt want to try and learn to read...but one day she just started and was reading level 2-3 readers. Everything just clicks...but she just takes everything easy and fun. TOTALLY opposite from my 7 yo. She still likes competition and likes to win. She will do whatever it takes to win...but she if you stop in the middle she is fine dropping it. My 7 yo would die if I stopped her in the middle of something.

 

So opposite.

 

My 12 yo isnt gifted...but he is nothing like either one of the girls; I would say he is closer to my 5 yo as far as personality...but it takes him a long time to master concepts. Very different.

[mommaduck]

Perfectionism was one of the hurdles we've had to work through. It used to be that he wouldn't do anything if he thought he couldn't do it perfectly the first time. He's learned that he isn't perfect and that there is also a learning experience in what can be perceived as "failure". Science experiments were a good lesson in that. They don't always turn out like they should...but that leads into the "why" did it happen the way it did...further explorations.

 

He's also shy. He would make a great actor, but he refuses to go in front of people.

 

He gets frustrated and emotional when things don't go as planned...but this is also an area where he is learning.

[mommyof4DB]

...it seems that he approaches the whole world with one eyebrow raised. We'll call it a "healthy skepticism" about things. (Although DH and I call it the "what a moron" look.... LOL)

 

I love that! My oldest dd has that look too! My oldest dd is 6, and she is gifted. She accelerated academically very fast, was reading at a second grade level at age 4, but emotionally was way behind! I kept asking at well check-ups, and the dr. assured me that she would catch up, and we're getting there, but there are still some extreme moments when she acts more like 2yo than a 6yo. She can't stand to be wrong. She hates to have a wrong answer on a math paper, stresses over tests, doesn't like to write because her handwriting isn't neat enough to suit her and she might misspell a word, is intimidated by drawing, and brought to tears if one of her siblings excell in something and she feels it's "better" than she can do whatever that it. My 2nd dd is 5, and she'll try anything. She tries to find the letter, number or word to copy to make sure she's doing it correctly, but if she makes a mistake, she laughs about how silly it was! I don't know if she (dd#2) is "gifted" in the traditional sense of how we think of it, but she's academically advanced as well.

[dangermom]

My older daughter is a perfectionist, which we're really struggled with. She is also very thin-skinned and sensitive, which drives me nuts; whenever she does something wrong (say, snapping at her sister for no real reason), when I talk with her about it, she starts crying and apologizing over and over--all I want her to do is take the correction and go on with life! She is very quick to think that others are laughing at her or leaving her out, and cries about that too, often unnecessarily. I don't know how to help her learn a little toughness!

[Desert Rat]

In my smarty pants every emotion in intensified. He's perfectionistic to a fault, easily frustrated and overwhelmed, and doesn't like to be touched. He cries at the drop of a hat and it doesn't matter where he is or who is eyeballin' us. BUT! He is also amazingly witty and funny. He can quote lines from dozens of movies and loves Far Side and Non Sequitur. He is such an awesome kid to be around that those who love him accept him and work to understand how to turn the dial down on some of the worst emotions.

I'm glad to see that intensity is a relatively common trait with the other kiddos on this board. It makes me feel less alone.

[LisaKinVA]

My oldest son hates to be wrong -- but wants to do everything fast (not necessarilly a good combination). He doesn't like to have to "try" -- meaning, if it's not easy for him right off the bat he doesn't want to do it. He is very intense, and still cries when things get to be "too much." (Not as often as when he was younger though). He wants to be 'in charge." He is very literal, and doesn't really "get" sarcasm right off the bat.

 

My oldest daughter is over the top. Happy... waaaay happy. Sad.... waaay sad. Every emotion is very intense. There is no middle ground. I keep thinking I'm doomed when she hits the tween years:tongue_smilie: She is extremely sensitive and feels deeply. She internalizes everything, and thinks long and hard about things. So much so, she can make herself sick with worry.

 

My youngest son is eager, wants to be the "best." Wants to be "first." Is intent on doing everything his big brother & sister can do. Very inquisitive. Sees humor in everything, but has a very sensitive soul.

 

My youngest daughter... well, she's just two. She's a lot like our youngest son. Her big thing right now is "I do it." It doesn't matter what it is, "I do it." Yes, even changing her diaper! She's going to be a real handful.

 

They are all opinionated, strong-willed, emotional, children who need things done in a certain way. They each want to be "taught" on their terms. They are competitive -- and can be very supportive of one another. And, they don't forget anything they've been promised or told.

[Melenie]

DD almost 4 has always been very emotional. Complete perfectionist and will not even attempt anything unless she is able to do it correctly. The smallest thing upsets her and has her in tears.

 

On the other side my almost 2 year old is probably more vocally precocious than my eldest and I suspect more gifted as well. She is the happiest little thing in the world. Will happily try anything and everything. She seldom cries and not much upsets her.

[momsquared]

My DD (who has been labeled gifted by some and ADHD by others) is extremely sensitive. She is so sensitive to the plight of others and responses to her that it causes her major anxiety. Regular art classes are the only thing that have really helped - and homeschooling.

 

She also is very intuitive to body language and adult reactions. This made PK a nightmare for her. She constantly felt she was not pleasing the teachers and started to speak negatively about herself. She actually commented that the teachers say everyone does a good job, but their eyes are different for different kids (jeesh!).

 

She is extremely inquisitive - to the point of being annoying (why? why? why? why?) and EXTREMELY stubborn.

 

I love her for what she is - which is my old lady wrapped in a wild child's body. We are all, as a family, learning to work together. Homeschooling has been the best decision we made. She is academically challenged while being in an environment that doesn't require certain behaviors or skills she is not ready for.

[Aurelia]

I'm not completely sure she's "gifted" per se, but I have noticed the following in my DD4:

 

1. Sensitive

2. Persistent

3. Stubborn

4. Driven

5. Controlling

6. Friendly

7. Sweet

8. Charming

 

 

:001_smile:

 

I've actually noticed the same in my 4y/o. Back when she did the drop-off school-readiness program (age 3) at Gymboree, the teachers mentioned that she was the "drama queen" - life was either wonderful or terrible, no real in between. She's still that way. Luckily, for the most part it's wonderful.