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Okay, kid just turned 16 this month. She's bright and capable but I really thought I had her nailed down this year. She's taking a heavy load 3 college classes and 5 "mom-designed" classes and has volunteer work too. Oh, and of course, she's focusing on driver's ed. On top of all that, we have a HEAVY (by most people's standards) Christian study and meeting schedule that she keeps up with beautifully. She's also the one that practically holds down the fort here due to my illness so she has more chores, goes on every errand, etc.

 

My concern? She STILL has too much free-time. Now, that might not be such an issue, of course, if she spent it in ways I wasn't concerned about, but that isn't the case. I can deal with the extreme reading regimen. But she is playing an online game and with certain brain teasers A LOT.

 

Now, I know very well that I could just limit those things but she's SIXTEEN (which seems so weird to be saying). At some point Mommy has to not micromanage. Mommy isn't going to be there to say "no more video games" SOON. She has got to learn to self-regulate. But she isn't just getting sick of doing these things as Mom would hope.

 

So I keep thinking of other things she could do. Another class, maybe CLEPing something? There is also an ad in the paper for tutoring an Algebra student and they stress the need for patience (and Kimberly is the most patient person in the world as long as we're not relating it to her brother).

 

I don't know. Am I just worrying about it too much? If she's keeping up with her studies, doing well, and considering the amount of other stuff she also does, maybe I should just be glad she's sooooooo "together."

 

Help?

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Perhaps the game is a way for her to relieve some of the stress?

 

Sure sounds like she is a well rounded, conscientious and thoughtful young woman handling a lot. Unless you see signs of the game changing "who" she is, I wouldn't worry. I have a son pretty much in the same situation and the gaming is his release!

 

Mary

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Everyone needs down time. And play time. And an escape from their regular routine lives. And time when they appear to be doing something else but are sort of processing new academic material in the background. What does she do for fun? What did she used to do for fun before she started doing online games?

Not that we don't all worry about stuff like this. One of mine plays games and one of mine watches video clips (undoing years of no-tv?). And I worry. I think you are supposed to worry, as a parent. Sigh.

-Nan

Edited by Nan in Mass
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I Hear you. My son has a full schedule, and he spends his free time playing Wii. I would love for him to have a hobby such as woodworking(like his dad), but he relaxes by doing games. I always regulated his time when he was younger, but now as long as his work is done, he spends free time how he wants. I'm tempted to step in and regulate again, but his free time is failry limited, and even if it is a bad choice to spend it all on Wii, I want him to be free to make that choice. I think he needs the freedom it is part of my letting him grow up.

 

Last night our family played a board game together, that was fun. Maybe you can interest your daughter in doing something with you that she enjoys besides computer.

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Thanks y'all :)

 

We do games together, run around a lot, etc. And it was her idea to go from one walk per day to two. We do family games and lots of conversations (we even have "peanut time," a time we sit around eating peanuts shooting the breeze).

 

When the kids were little, I wanted them to have plenty of time to "just be kids." Now that they are growing up, I worry about whether they are working enough in order to comprehend "the real world" life they'll lead as adults.

 

I think another part for me is that little brother is highly jealous of her free time. Not that she should have to be punished (extra work and such) for being quick and using her time wisely (oh my, I never thought I'd say THAT in terms of this child, but medication really has helped her A LOT!).

 

Thanks again y'all.

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I am pretty surprised at the replies. You don't say how much time this dtr is doing the online gaming or brain-teaser things - but I know the gaming activity can be highly addictive. Does she (or you/spouse) have addictive personalities? (I think I do?) (There have been articles that the upcoming generation is really inventing this "new" addiction.)

 

I would put a time limit on it and infact, on all internet use, etc.. How about writing letters? Another volunteer activity. The algebra tutoring sounds promising. One thing I don't see in her schedule is music. maybe that is one of her classes? Could she teach herself an instrument? Could she pursue a sport beyond walking? (just ideas being thrown out)

 

I'll be honest, I am highly productive and I don't think I'd have any freetime if I had her schedule - esp since we all know housework is never done!!!

 

Yes, we all need to unwind. But a 16yo is not a fully mature adult and still needs lots of boundaries. 16 is really young. I would look/pray for hte area where your dtr could better use her time. I would say a max of an hour a day would be the most online "playing". At my house, it would prob be 30min or less. You mention some medicine that is helping her. I don't know what that med is for but is that a factor in how she is achieving so much and also in maybe her "need" to unwind somehow?

 

Her conscientiousness and work habits sound highly unusual. I don't mean that in a bad way - I mean she sounds really mature and self-disciplined - or so smart that she can ignore the rigorous self discipline her schedule would require for most 16yos.

 

My main reason for posting is that a newly 16yo child still needs all the monitoring, mentoring, etc that any teen needs. She seems to handle most of her time well - if this other activity is excessive - then she may be needing some help to see that?

 

God's best

Lisaj, mom to 5 (my teens are swamped and free time isn't a problem)

Edited by 74Heaven
activity s/be addiction in first para
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