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Parenting teens....easier or harder since advent of internet and social media?


Ottakee
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Not sure parenting teens is any harder now, but the pervasiveness of technology and all that it brings into the home and into a child's world sure makes keeping a kid's world a kid's world harder. But it is, as with everything else, a tool that reveals their hearts, and not necessarily a cause of their heart issues. SO, in a way, it's an opportunity like never before to address some things that might not have been addressed until they were out of the house. 

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Well, I didn't have teens before the internet and social media so I'm not sure how I'd know.

 

I do know this:

 

My parents had a lot of trouble with my brother, born in 1946. 

 

My older sister was a handful too. She has 4 kids and has had some trouble with some of them, born in the 80s. 

 

 

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My friends and I are soooo grateful to not have our worst moments memorialized on social media. I think it is hard to get my kids to understand that privacy settings guarantee no privacy at all. They really believe in them. Also, it is hard to get my kids to understand that life is more than putting an image of yourself out there. Lots of teens seem to be marketing their lives rather than living them. That's hard. 

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Harder. I can't think of a parenting plus for the internet or social media, to be honest.

I can think of other types of positives for them, certainly, but maybe someone can list how usage by teens makes parenting teens easier. I know the information I can find via the internet is helpful, but I'm not sure if I've read your ? correctly.

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I have a love/hate relationship with all of this social media and the internet. It is wonderful in so many ways but also harder in others.

 

We foster difficult to place teens, including those in the juvenile justice program and on probation. So many of them struggle with social media.

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The pervasiveness of digital photos and video is a minus. It memorializes stupid moments for some kids, and makes others self-conscious all the time, bc you never know when someone might be in camera mode.

 

The ability to interact with many different people and communities online is a plus, one I would have loved for myself as a teen. It's great for kids (and adults) with less common interests.

 

Internet access has been a huge plus for homeschooling teens. 

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I love how easy it is for them to keep up with friends who have moved away and siblings in college. Dd has spoken with her brother in England several times today.

 

I also think that good students are able to use technology to take themselves so much farther than we could. Unmotivated kids just have another way to waste time.

 

Parenting is the same in my opinion. They can get in trouble on the internet but we had many, many ways to get in trouble also.

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To me, it is harder because both my kids have really become drawn to all things on the internet in the last year or so. If given the opportunity, my dd will spend all day in bed on the internet. And this is a kid who loves to dance and hike and skate and run. But, if I'm not regulating her, she'll just lay around with the computer. Right now, she's in her room and supposed to be finishing up a paper, but I'm guessing she's reading something online instead. I have to be on top of this constantly and I find it to be a real burden. What makes it so difficul to manage is that I don't feel like I can restrict it completely so that I don't have to worry about it since they need it for online classes, school work and to stay connected to friends.

 

When I was a teen, I got bored and then found a new hobby, got together with a friend, started a home business, learned to bake, made a list of goals, went for a walk, talked with my mom, etc. I spent a lot of time just thinking about things and figuring out who I was and what I believed. My kids are never bored because the internet is instant entertainment 24 hours a day. At least for my dd, she becomes 100% more alive and productive when I am closely monitoring her usage. She starts looking for things to DO instead of things to passively watch or read. Mostly, it makes me sad because I think they will both probably waste away a good chunk of their lives vegging in front of a screen. I guess it's not a teen thing because I have a problem with it myself and am always working to limit my own time on the internet.

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I don't know. but topics of discussion are happening sooner because of the exposure. Across all things: world events, pop culture, s*x, etc. I will say that my soon to be 13 year old is much "wiser" than I wish him to be. It's hard as a parent to back down from conversations you'd planned on having down the road, but such as it is. I don't know if it's harder because this is my first go at it, but it's not easy.

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A positive for my boys is that they're able to chat with and play computer games with friends on a regular basis that they'd not be able to interact with as frequently because we live farther apart. It's been a great way for them to build and maintain friendships with people they already know irl.  The parenting plus for me, is that there is less driving and trouble trying to coordinate visits in order to help fulfill the social needs of my dc. Also, I know where my dc are when they're on-line with their friends.

 

Edited by wintermom
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To me, it is harder because both my kids have really become drawn to all things on the internet in the last year or so. If given the opportunity, my dd will spend all day in bed on the internet. And this is a kid who loves to dance and hike and skate and run. But, if I'm not regulating her, she'll just lay around with the computer. 

 

Didn't a lot of kids do that with just plain old TV and telephone, though? 

 

I know that, with many of my friends/neighborhood kids, it was common to spend literally hours a day on the telephone, and not in deep philosophical discussion by any means. And certainly common to watch hours of TV per day.

 

I was a kid in the 70s and a teen in the 80s; I don't think it's new. Some kids need more of a push than others to do different things. 

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Didn't a lot of kids do that with just plain old TV and telephone, though?

 

I know that, with many of my friends/neighborhood kids, it was common to spend literally hours a day on the telephone, and not in deep philosophical discussion by any means. And certainly common to watch hours of TV per day.

 

I was a kid in the 70s and a teen in the 80s; I don't think it's new. Some kids need more of a push than others to do different things.

Social media platforms and gaming are unabashedly designed to be addiction forming. The telephone was a time waster, but not brain altering.

 

http://www.computerworld.com/article/3014439/internet/social-media-addiction-is-a-bigger-problem-than-you-think.html

Edited by Barb_
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Didn't a lot of kids do that with just plain old TV and telephone, though?

 

I know that, with many of my friends/neighborhood kids, it was common to spend literally hours a day on the telephone, and not in deep philosophical discussion by any means. And certainly common to watch hours of TV per day.

 

I was a kid in the 70s and a teen in the 80s; I don't think it's new. Some kids need more of a push than others to do different things.

Yes, I was a teen in the 80s. I'm not saying there was never any down time or wasted time, but for me, it was nothing like the internet. For one, television programming was limited. I remember planning and then actually waiting to watch the Sunday night movie or some program I liked, don't you? I couldn't just watch 5 seasons of my favorite show in a row. And then search online for something else when that was over. If I wanted a movie, I had to get in my car and drive to the video rental store. Sure, some weekends we'd rent a bunch of movies, but that was more of a splurge or a treat. I did talk on the phone with my best friend, but more often, we'd get together and do something. And the biggest thing that really stands out is that I'd get bored and then look for something to do. To me, that is huge because that is what encouraged me to seek out new interests and hobbies. Whenever my kids have unlimited access to the internet, they never get bored. Ever. They could probably sit in front of the screen for months, happily. I agree some kids need more of a push than others, but the only push my dd needs is off of the internet.

 

I see it in adults, too. My dad was very involved in the community and we were sure he'd volunteer many hours when he retired. Nope. He's been sitting on the couch for the last 10 years with his laptop.

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I think the pros and cons level out to make it just as stressful as it was when I was a kid, lol.

 

Sure, finding/falling into/making trouble is simpler in some ways, but so is finding help, maintaining friendships, learning... and, if I really wanted to, I could use my kids' phones as tracking devices.  I sure am glad my mother didn't have that option!

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Mine are twenty years apart so I have had teens prior and after the social media explosion. I can tell you it is a ton easier to parent them now:

 

1. I always know where my current teen is. As long as the cell phone is with her, I am with her.

 

2. Not much worrying about the car breaking down and the kiddo walking to a telephone a mile away.

 

3. Any stupid teen decisions are on Twitter and Snapchat within seconds. I can respond much quicker.

 

4. Job opportunities abound on the Internet. No longer do I have to worry about sending my kiddo to a minimum wage job where everyone smokes.

 

5. Shopping for the teen is faster.

 

6. There is a way to punish the teen now, if needed, by taking the phone away. It is much more effective than grounding back in the day. (I haven't had to do this luckily.)

 

7. Easier to communicate all day in small spurts by sending texts. Before, if the kiddo was gone, there was minimal communication.

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Mine are twenty years apart so I have had teens prior and after the social media explosion. I can tell you it is a ton easier to parent them now:

 

1. I always know where my current teen is. As long as the cell phone is with her, I am with her.

 

2. Not much worrying about the car breaking down and the kiddo walking to a telephone a mile away.

 

3. Any stupid teen decisions are on Twitter and Snapchat within seconds. I can respond much quicker.

 

4. Job opportunities abound on the Internet. No longer do I have to worry about sending my kiddo to a minimum wage job where everyone smokes.

 

5. Shopping for the teen is faster.

 

6. There is a way to punish the teen now, if needed, by taking the phone away. It is much more effective than grounding back in the day. (I haven't had to do this luckily.)

 

7. Easier to communicate all day in small spurts by sending texts. Before, if the kiddo was gone, there was minimal communication.

 

I wonder though if many of these are really good things.  What you are describing is a significant increase of oversight.

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Overall, I believe it is more difficult just because trouble is easier to find. I went to a small private school and my parents were strict. What I was exposed to was very limited. I would have had to work hard to find trouble. My homeschool kids have been exposed to things they wouldn't have otherwise or it would have been to a less degree. Girls that like to send pictures of themselves comes to mind :(

 

But...here we are and it is part of our world so I do see some positives. We recently moved and it helped our teens stay connected. I am able to know where they are so that allows them a bit more freedom. With their smartphones I worry less about them getting lost, breaking down, etc so that translates to more freedom for them I think. I have seen pictures (mostly of friends) online that has given me a clue into their social life.

 

It actually enhances my relationship with them I think. Teen boys aren't always big talkers but we connect sending each other funny pictures, articles, news, and we have a family iMessage with dh, two big boys, and myself. It gets quite funny at times at keeps us connected. We all snapchat each other. It is fun. Having fun with teens is important so I'll meet them where they are.

 

I know it wasn't the question but I love being able to text in parenting. Greatest thing ever. That definitely keeps us connected and improves communication. Not only with my kids but with their girlfriends and their parents. So much easier via text to share a moment or ask a question or issue an invitation that old school calling. I would miss texting tremendously.

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I suspect almost every generation has had to deal with unique issues that they believe make parenting teens more or less challenging than in the past.  Although I suspect most parents would always say whatever is going on currently makes it more challenging.  Because really -- don't most people want to believe that their job is harder than what anyone before them had to deal with?

 

My oldest is only 20, so I've never parented a teen whose life wasn't influenced by the internet and social media.  Even if I had experience with parenting both pre- and post-Internet, I don't know that I could logically make a conclusion that one is easier (or not) than the other.  There are too many other variables that come into play--like the teen's own personality and interests, etc.

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DH is an IT guy who has said no phones, no internet for our 12 year olds. Friends look at me funny and say that blocking helps a lot, but DH says blocking is not the big protector that people think it is.

 

Initially I balked at DH's thoughts, but now I'm really glad. My boys don't even ask for internet/phone stuff. They don't have an email, phone, Facebook account or do etc. Our goal is that when they become adults they can create their own social "footprint."

 

DH won't even let me post pictures on Facebook or Twitter.

 

I know he sounds paranoid, but how social media will impact people in the future is still up in the air.

 

Alley

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DH is an IT guy who has said no phones, no internet for our 12 year olds. Friends look at me funny and say that blocking helps a lot, but DH says blocking is not the big protector that people think it is.

 

Initially I balked at DH's thoughts, but now I'm really glad. My boys don't even ask for internet/phone stuff. They don't have an email, phone, Facebook account or do etc. Our goal is that when they become adults they can create their own social "footprint."

 

DH won't even let me post pictures on Facebook or Twitter.

 

I know he sounds paranoid, but how social media will impact people in the future is still up in the air.

 

Alley

 

This doesn't seem to be an uncommon thing, people in IT wanting to be very conservative about their kid's use.

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Absolutely harder.  How many kids could readily access hard core pornography with a click in two minutes in 1995?  I sure couldn't have.  How many people could get easy access to drugs - knew someone or could have them shipped?

 

I think it definitely oversimplifies to say there have always been hard teens and it's always been a challenge to raise teens.  I love raising teens.  It's my favorite age if I were to pick one.  But there *are* more dangers out there than there  were when I was 16 and *I* was an incredibly difficult teen-ager.  I was probably about an 8 or 9 on the 10 point mom scale of, "Oh, I can't believe you did that.  What the hell were you thinking?!?"

 

No, internet and social media have made it harder.

 

 

Social media is harder than the internet I think.

It is so easy for them to connect with people you'd rather they not spend time with.

It's so easy to see something you can't unsee.

It's so easy for (girls especially) to fall into the vanity trap of selfies, to become self obsessed.

It's so easy to pander for praise.

It's so easy to love the gossip based soap opera that is Facebook.

 

One poor decision on SnapChat and a photo goes out.....

 

ETA: And I'll say here, for the record, we've had REALLY good teens.  Thus far they are plugged into their family, they are intentional, purposeful kids that make good choices.  But, IMO, it's taken talking, teaching, and intentionalism on our parts, as well as a fair bit of luck and blessing.  I put at least three times the amount of energy, talking, sacrificing, time into my teens than I do my younger children. 

 

No, it's hard.

 

 

Edited by BlsdMama
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DH is an IT guy who has said no phones, no internet for our 12 year olds. Friends look at me funny and say that blocking helps a lot, but DH says blocking is not the big protector that people think it is.

 

Initially I balked at DH's thoughts, but now I'm really glad. My boys don't even ask for internet/phone stuff. They don't have an email, phone, Facebook account or do etc. Our goal is that when they become adults they can create their own social "footprint."

 

DH won't even let me post pictures on Facebook or Twitter.

 

I know he sounds paranoid, but how social media will impact people in the future is still up in the air.

 

Alley

 

 

This doesn't seem to be an uncommon thing, people in IT wanting to be very conservative about their kid's use.

 

My DH is an IT guy who has encouraged our boys to use all sorts of technology, beginning when they were toddlers.  So a different perspective.

 

And FWIW we found when each of our boys went to public high school (different settings, and youngest in an early college program) that they were expected to know quite a lot about computer and internet usage.  I'm not talking social media, but the expected knowledge of Power Point, Google docs and things like that was pretty high.  I would hate for them to have had that learning curve on top of adapting to a new school situation.

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My DH is an IT guy who has encouraged our boys to use all sorts of technology, beginning when they were toddlers.  So a different perspective.

 

And FWIW we found when each of our boys went to public high school (different settings, and youngest in an early college program) that they were expected to know quite a lot about computer and internet usage.  I'm not talking social media, but the expected knowledge of Power Point, Google docs and things like that was pretty high.  I would hate for them to have had that learning curve on top of adapting to a new school situation.

You can use computers and learn to operate and utilize the computer and a variety of software applications as a tool perfectly well without internet access. You don't need internet access to learn file management or desktop publishing, nor do you need it to learn to use most software.

 

If your kids have used office suite software such as Open Office or MS Office prior to Highschool, then it takes about 15 minutes to learn how to use online office software such as Google Docs. Even if they haven't used a lot of software, most domestic software products are being designed to have a learning curve of < 1 hour for all the basic functions. Google has tutorials and guides right there on the page when you click on one of their services. Most students are only using PPT to create slideshows and that's it. The instructions can be boiled down to "Point here-click that-type what you want to say. Take that file, now drag and drop it where you want it to go. Drag and drop the corners to resize the image."

 

Its hardly complicated to learn how to use office software to the extent that 97% of people use them.

 

 

 

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DS isn't interested in social media, but as far as the internet goes, it's simply invaluable to us. I love how much *more* we can know now, that every question he asks can be provided an answer in an instant. I would have loved it.

 

I'm not worried about the stuff that causes concerns for some others. Easy access to whatever one considers objectionable has always existed. But the knowledge and world connectivity we have now? Invaluable and truly awesome.

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When I compare raising my kids to my own growing up in the 70s, I can definitely see the benefits and pitfalls.  Yes, it's easy to fall into undesirable content on the internet.  But, it's also really easy to discover the negative consequences of partaking in those activities.  My teens, on their own, with little prompting from us, determined that smoking is gross, drugs are stupid, and porn is disgusting.  They don't want to have anything to do with any of it.  Back in my day, the kids I knew were out and about, falling in with wrong crowds, being pressured to try stuff when they (we) only had very limited reference to make good decisions.  Many kids got too involved to get out.  I watched hours of TV every single day.  It was a total waste of time.  

 

One thing I love about having the internet in my pocket is that information is readily available.  When my older kids were little, they were always popping up with questions I couldn't answer, and it was almost always in the car.  I used to sometimes have paper and pencil handy to write down the question to look up later, and sometimes we'd remember to do so.  Now, if my 10yo has a question I can't answer, I just say, "I don't know.  Here, look it up."  I hand her my phone, and within minutes, we both know the answer.  

 

I do see how social media has caused today's young adults to have unrealistic views of what is "normal" as far as success and life goals.  People paint such one sided pictures of themselves on social media.  I hate that my son believes that he needs to "go viral" in order to be considered successful.  He doesn't see the years of hard work that most people go through to gain success.  He only sees those who have skyrocketed to success with what seems like little work on their part.  Actually, he's seeing reality a little more as he is becoming an adult, but it's been hard for him.  My 19yodd, OTOH, never really got into social media, and she has a much more realistic view of her place in the world, and what she needs to do to succeed.  Of course, their personalities and goals are completely different from each other, so there's a lot more that plays into it, but I can see some pitfalls.

 

 

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