NM

[Chris in VA]

nm

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chris in VA

[regentrude]

Its not worth making a fuss over-- at less than a dollar each event. What I did as room mom was call and assign, rather than hope everyone signed up for something. Also offered an option of send in a few dollars and no further requests. A lot of people prefer that....and it made it easy for me to purchase drinks, paper goods, etc. without waste.

 

Love the bolded. Makes a lot more sense than asking everybody to bring random items.

[theelfqueen]

My youngest son attended a Catholic preschool, we're not Catholic but we CHOSE The preschool and knew he would participate in Catholic activities there.

 

These people CHOSE To participate in an Episcopal group and honestly, if they are JW, they knew what it would entail. I think it's fine for you to talk to them about their participation in the activities. Be respectful but remind them that their choice of participating in an Episcopal group included an expectation of participation. Sending a package of napkins might be a perfect level of participation, they don't have to be Valentine themed -- they can send plain white napkins just fine, they'll sop up spilled juice just as well. 

[Miss Mousie]

I can see why it would irritate you; I'd probably feel the same way.  But I can't think of any way to address it that wouldn't exacerbate the problem.  You don't want the kids to feel ashamed or unwelcome, and you (presumably) don't know whether this is the only care option the parents have, so even if they would rather pull the kids on holidays they just can't swing it.  Considering it's a matter of about twenty bucks for the year, I'd try very hard to silence the objector in me and try to think of it as a kindness to the kids.

 

And then I'd probably tell myself as many times as necessary that preschool only lasts 2 years, tops, and hope they don't have more kids.  ;)

 

[Miss Mousie]

Going forward, could the preschool just tack on an extra $20 "activity fee" at registration time and use that money for the parties?  Then, as mentioned above, you can control waste and also control what items are purchased.

 

[Southern Ivy]

Edited for Chris since she deleted her original post. :) 

 

 

If they are JW, I'm shocked they allow their child to participate. The JWs I have had as students through the years always leave early or go to the library during our celebration times. 

That's quite strange. 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Southern Ivy

[clementine]

I would be very surprised if a Jehovah Witness would allow their children to participate in holidays that they deem pagan.  Unless one of the parents is a Christian or agnostic?  

 

But, if they are, just the fact that they allow their children to participate is a big deal.  I'd leave the situation alone, happy that the children are participating and understanding that the monetary amount is very minor.  

[Tess in the Burbs]

Well, I am finding in our AHG group that the same 2-3 families never email/call me back to requests for items everyone needs to donate.  It is very hard not to let it affect how I feel about them.  You can't contribute to the fundraiser event...then you turn in every receipt for craft supplies. It drives me nuts.  How many times have I bought food, the kid gets sick, we give food to go on without us...and I never ask for my money back.  It happens!  Ugh.  So yes, I totally get your frustration!!  

 

I love the idea of asking them contribute napkins/paper towels to the classroom.  

Obviously the other option is to be firm and explain all students are required to contribute to the classroom parties and if they can not, a $5 donation per child will be accessed ;-)  It makes you a tyrant, but hey, you can use the money to buy stuff :-)  

good luck!

[LucyStoner]

I wouldn't worry about the $2. I see why it is annoying but I would let it go. I like the idea of charging everyone a small party fee at the beginning of the year.

 

Are these kids NOT making Valentines for the rest of the class though? That seems really rude to me. If they want to opt out, opt all the way out. Not sending in (even plain) cards for the kids who are bringing one for their kids is culturally clueless.

[marbel]

I wouldn't worry about the $2. I see why it is annoying but I would let it go. I like the idea of charging everyone a small party fee at the beginning of the year.

 

Are these kids NOT making Valentines for the rest of the class though? That seems really rude to me. If they want to opt out, opt all the way out. Not sending in (even plain) cards for the kids who are bringing one for their kids is culturally clueless.

 

Yes, I agree it's rude, to take part in the half of the exchange in which they are recipients, but not in the half in which they are givers.

 

I guess I just don't understand joining in a group, activity, class, etc., in which some of the activities will be against religious (or other) beliefs.  It makes no sense to me.  It's not the money.  At preschool age most  likely the other kids won't notice, but if they continue when the kids are older, they'll be setting them up to be outcasts. 

[NorthwestMom]

Whatever the reason is for not actively participating - the kids are the ones who ultimately will miss out. I feel a lot of compassion for them. It is hard, as a kid, to not ever bring things when others are sharing. Hopefully the reason is not that they are in dire financial straits.

 

Keep modeling giving and hope that everything is ok behind the scenes for that family.

[eternalsummer]

It's possible that your school was the best fit for a variety of other reasons (hours, price, a neighbor or friend's great experience at the school, etc.) and that those things overrode the religious mismatch.

 

Is it possible that they are not in fact a different religion but are just broke?  I know a $2 package of napkins seems really trivial, but I've been in a spot before where it was the $2 napkins or a $2 loaf of bread, and the bread would win.  Possibly they have budgeted down to the last dollar and weren't expecting to have to provide party supplies (unless it was mentioned before they signed up).

 

DD10 went to a preschool that was like that (not religious) - they charged tuition and we chose it because her aunt had gone there and loved it as a child and because the price was good and hours were convenient for us.  Then every week there was some request or another for funds - never much, but if they'd just said at the beginning that the preschool would cost $15 extra a month, I would have been better prepared and less annoyed.

 

Finally, consider from their perspective - they've found this preschool they love, but there are some activities in which their kids can't fully participate.  They may feel really awkward about just saying to you, "Hey, we think that what you all do re: holidays is morally wrong so my kids won't participate in them."  At the same time they might feel like their kids are already kind of outsiders in that environment and while they can't contribute/purchase to the activity, they might be willing to let their kids experience it to mitigate the outsider factor or something.

[Chris in VA]

Its not worth making a fuss over-- at less than a dollar each event. What I did as room mom was call and assign, rather than hope everyone signed up for something. Also offered an option of send in a few dollars and no further requests. A lot of people prefer that....and it made it easy for me to purchase drinks, paper goods, etc. without waste.

 

Love the bolded. Makes a lot more sense than asking everybody to bring random items.

 

 

I can see why it would irritate you; I'd probably feel the same way.  But I can't think of any way to address it that wouldn't exacerbate the problem.  You don't want the kids to feel ashamed or unwelcome, and you (presumably) don't know whether this is the only care option the parents have, so even if they would rather pull the kids on holidays they just can't swing it.  Considering it's a matter of about twenty bucks for the year, I'd try very hard to silence the objector in me and try to think of it as a kindness to the kids.

 

And then I'd probably tell myself as many times as necessary that preschool only lasts 2 years, tops, and hope they don't have more kids.  ;)

 

 

If they are JW, I'm shocked they allow their child to participate. The JWs I have had as students through the years always leave early or go to the library during our celebration times. 

That's quite strange. 

 

 

I wouldn't worry about the $2. I see why it is annoying but I would let it go. I like the idea of charging everyone a small party fee at the beginning of the year.

 

Are these kids NOT making Valentines for the rest of the class though? That seems really rude to me. If they want to opt out, opt all the way out. Not sending in (even plain) cards for the kids who are bringing one for their kids is culturally clueless.

I

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chris in VA

[EmseB]

It isn't fair, but I think it is great if the church could just love them in this way...by letting it not be fair and showing generosity where there is absolutely nothing (apparent) gained.

[eternalsummer]

For us, we're not religious but we do have some strongly held moral beliefs that most people don't share.  We don't eat factory farmed animal products, which excludes milk, eggs, sugar, gelatin, etc.  When there is a party at school or valentine's candy or whatever we send a substitute.  Our kids don't partake of the things other kids bring, but we also don't bring a whole classful of vegan cookies to share, or anything like that.  Sometimes an activity is sprung on us and there's no time to find a substitute so they don't participate at all; when the kids were in school in K and 3rd, they were looked on as outsiders.

 

If I could square in my moral worldview a way for the kids to partake with the other kids without having to buy/supply the things that we are opposed to, it would be easier on the kids, so I can see why someone would do it if that worked for them (kind of a complicated sort of doublethink, though).

[eternalsummer]

Oh, and I should say - unless you have made it very very clear that they are required to sign up for something (which I wouldn't advise doing, but it's not my deal), they may just be slackers.  At DD10's current school they have a constant request for volunteers, donations, etc.  - *constant*.  It never ends.  I would say maybe 1/4 of the parents volunteer and 1/4 send in supplies (we send supplies, as we're okay financially).  I don't resent the parents who don't send supplies.  

[bettyandbob]

The people I know who are JW don't send their dc to school on days when there are celebrations like that or pick them up before the party begins. 

 

I hope they don't come without Valentines. It would be better to skip. The kids notice who doesn't give them cards. 

[Chris in VA]

It's possible that your school was the best fit for a variety of other reasons (hours, price, a neighbor or friend's great experience at the school, etc.) and that those things overrode the religious mismatch.

 

Is it possible that they are not in fact a different religion but are just broke?  I know a $2 package of napkins seems really trivial, but I've been in a spot before where it was the $2 napkins or a $2 loaf of bread, and the bread would win.  Possibly they have budgeted down to the last dollar and weren't expecting to have to provide party supplies (unless it was mentioned before they signed up).

 

DD10 went to a preschool that was like that (not religious) - they charged tuition and we chose it because her aunt had gone there and loved it as a child and because the price was good and hours were convenient for us.  Then every week there was some request or another for funds - never much, but if they'd just said at the beginning that the preschool would cost $15 extra a month, I would have been better prepared and less annoyed.

 

Finally, consider from their perspective - they've found this preschool they love, but there are some activities in which their kids can't fully participate.  They may feel really awkward about just saying to you, "Hey, we think that what you all do re: holidays is morally wrong so my kids won't participate in them."  At the same time they might feel like their kids are already kind of outsiders in that environment and while they can't contribute/purchase to the activity, they might be willing to let their kids experience it to mitigate the outsider factor or something.

 

Thank you. This is a good post to help me gain a better perspective.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chris in VA

[Guest]

I understand how you feel about this.

 

Assuming they are JW though, and that IS the reason they are doing this, I would assume that they feel like it is a compromise. As in, they want their kids to be in the world but not of it, or some such, and though they'd rather do away with the whole business altogether, they allow the kids to participate but just can't bring themselves to contribute to it.

 

So they are actually trying reallyreallyreally hard to come to a middleground place about this issue where they swim the other way up a STRONG current.

 

I personally have a lot of sympathy for the position they are in, and what I assume their thinking is. And I feel comfortable making this assumption because I think it is a compassionate view, ykwim?

[Chris in VA]

For us, we're not religious but we do have some strongly held moral beliefs that most people don't share.  We don't eat factory farmed animal products, which excludes milk, eggs, sugar, gelatin, etc.  When there is a party at school or valentine's candy or whatever we send a substitute.  Our kids don't partake of the things other kids bring, but we also don't bring a whole classful of vegan cookies to share, or anything like that.  Sometimes an activity is sprung on us and there's no time to find a substitute so they don't participate at all; when the kids were in school in K and 3rd, they were looked on as outsiders.

 

If I could square in my moral worldview a way for the kids to partake with the other kids without having to buy/supply the things that we are opposed to, it would be easier on the kids, so I can see why someone would do it if that worked for them (kind of a complicated sort of doublethink, though).

Oh, and I should say - unless you have made it very very clear that they are required to sign up for something (which I wouldn't advise doing, but it's not my deal), they may just be slackers.  At DD10's current school they have a constant request for volunteers, donations, etc.  - *constant*.  It never ends.  I would say maybe 1/4 of the parents volunteer and 1/4 send in supplies (we send supplies, as we're okay financially).  I don't resent the parents who don't send supplies.  

 

I

The people I know who are JW don't send their dc to school on days when there are celebrations like that or pick them up before the party begins. 

 

I hope they don't come without Valentines. It would be better to skip. The kids notice who doesn't give them cards. 

 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chris in VA

[Miss Mousie]

 

If I charged a fee, that would mean I would have to go shopping. I already go shopping and spend my own $ for this class--every teacher does. It's nice to let the kids go with Mom and/or Dad (or Grandparents, whatever) and contribute to the class. It's a very small way to connect home and preschool.

 

 

This may be getting a little OT, but I have to tell you that the whole "Home-School Connection Activity" stuff really got under my skin when DS was in public school. 

 

DH and I both work full time - getting home after 6:00 p.m.  Pick up the kid, microwave dinner, speed through the homework and "Connection" list (most of which was stuff DS already knew), quick bath, 15 minutes to read, lights out.  If we didn't have someone else's idea of connecting to check off, we could have spent time *actually connecting.*  As it was, we had NO time for even a brief conversation!

 

If the Connection involved squeezing in a weeknight shopping trip with the little one ... <shudder>. 

 

/OT

[eternalsummer]

I agree that it would be a lot better if you just knew exactly what was going on - might make it easier to accommodate too!  I wonder if there is an easy way to say, hey, if you're really broke, let me know and we'll use the classroom slush fund to cover your kids' participation and snack week and etc.  You might get people taking advantage, though.

 

I don't know how to insist someone tell you their religion. Maybe they've been discriminated against or made fun of in the past so just want to avoid it?  Maybe they think if they aren't Episcopalian you'll kick their kids out?  DS7 went to a Lutheran preschool (which was *great*) and I told the director ahead of time we weren't religious and asked if it would be a problem - she was fine with it but maybe they've had a bad experience somewhere else?  I didn't mind DS's participation in the religious components of the preschool, though.  It would be strange to send him to a religious preschool and then ask to sit out all of the religious activities!

[Miss Mousie]

Chris, it is so clear that you are working SO HARD to make everything right for all the kids, all the parents, and everyone under the sun.  :grouphug:  

 

You are such a good person. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd let it go.  It's not the kids' faults.  It is the parents.  "Fault" isn't quite the right word, but you know what I mean I think. 

 

 

[SKL]

Personally I hate the way parents are nickled-and-dimed and small-project'd to death by schools.  As a working single mom, I would lose my mind if I actually tried to participate in all those things.  Give me one big thing I can do one time and leave me alone.

 

When my kids were in 1st grade, I was asked to send 3 different things in 1 week, each of which required a trip to a store.  Peanut butter (for a donation), M&Ms, and I don't remember what else.  The requests didn't all come at the same time and they were all urgent.  So I was supposed to drop everything and run to the grocery store 3 extra times in 1 week.  Thing is, a busy mom is on a precision schedule.  I don't have time to drag my kids to the grocery store 3 times in 1 week.  And of course I can't leave them home or in the car or I'd go to jail.  Every shopping trip takes forever with little kids.  This is why I hardly ever go to stores in the first place.  It may sound petty, but seriously.  Gimme a break.

 

It wasn't long before I decided that we just don't do most of the fundraisers and little piddly sign-up sheets bla bla bla.  I donate a nice sum of money to the school's scholarship fund every year, and I give the teachers a nice gift card, and maybe I will do one or two other things, or maybe I won't.  If someone wants to let their head explode over my not signing up to bring napkins, that is their problem.

 

It would make more sense for one person to go buy all the Valentine's day stuff in one trip.  Or just order it all for the year from Oriental Trading Company.  I mean, we all know what holidays are coming, so why not buy ahead?  If the cost is an issue, a one-time activity fee sounds like a great idea.

[happypamama]

See, I would be happy to accomodate your child. I had a kid last year who had to bring her own snack because of allergies--she was allergic to everything under the sun, except fruit, so we bought organic fruit she could eat, so that we could at least pass one thing "from the school" out to her. We don't do candy at all, and try to be mostly healthy, but yeah, there is some unhealthy stuff.

 

 

I think it CAN be constant, and I know it's irritating. I am not a good public school parent in that I don't usually volunteer, but if asked to send something in, I will. I think if you don't have the $, you might have the time, and if you don't have that, you might write a nice note or something. You at least send in the paperwork (which is not excessive--I hate excessive paperwork that dd gets in school--it's inefficient at worst and bugs the crap out of me at best..lol! I guess I'm just a crank).

I don't think these littles will really notice. Most of them don't sign the cards, and they don't have to put names on them. The 2 kids will notice that they don't get to pass out anything, though, even if I just do it casually and not go "one at a time" in Circle Time or something.

Can you have them pass out something at some point, something the school is providing? Plates, or paper and crayons for an activity, or the bags/boxes everyone has to collect valentines, or something?

 

The situation would bug me a bit, but I'd assume it was because of cultural/language/religious differences, and I'd not worry too much about it. Either they aren't sure how or don't want to approach you to discuss it.

[goldberry]

I think it sounds odd also.  Most JWs would not have the child participate.  I'm with the other PP who mentioned maybe there is a conflict in the home, one JW parent one not and that is what is creating some confusion/inconsistency.  They could have gotten your emails and been arguing over it, "Well, what should I tell them?" and then just avoided it.  Not that it is okay, just a possibility.

[TechWife]

I hear you! I was the "room mom" for my son's first grade class. The principal's daughter was a student in the class. Her mother flat out told me that she didn't have time to get special things to bring to school and didn't think she should have to. I just started to expect her to do nothing and planned accordingly, but I was stubborn and still sent the requests home with her daughter. Her daughter benefited from every activity that was planned, but the mom didn't think she should do her part. Drove me up the wall! 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think parents get bombarded sometimes.  My kids have never gone to school, but pretty much everything we've joined involves me doing this or that extra thing.  I find it to be too much sometimes, and I have learned to say no more.  I try to do something for each, but no not everything. 

 

Now I mostly involve my kids in stuff that costs more money.  More money equals not being dragged into fund raising stuff.  I have nobody to sell stuff to.  And I don't wanna.

 

 

[Dmmetler]

I think I'd provide Valentine's materials for kids who want to make cards for each other at a craft station (I actually do that for my clubs in Feb, because some kids, including my own, love giving Valentines and will do so at every opportunity close to the holiday, and that way a kid who didn't bring them to math club can choose to make some if they want).

[vonfirmath]

The people I know who are JW don't send their dc to school on days when there are celebrations like that or pick them up before the party begins. 

 

I hope they don't come without Valentines. It would be better to skip. The kids notice who doesn't give them cards. 

 

Do they? esp in Preschool? My kids never have. My son's 3rd grade class has a notice about the party "It is not required to bring cards. But if you do, please bring one for every child in the class" and I wouldn't have thought anything about a child whose family chose not to spend money on it. I know my son doesn't match up his cards with the list of people in the class either. It will be a struggle to get my daughter to even look at the cards (unless they have a dragon on them). She just wants to show me the candy, pencils, etc that come with them.

[SKL]

Another thing.  My kids' school does sign-up sheets, but they require that the parent actually (a) know about the sheet and (b) physically enter the classroom while it is up.  The first doesn't always happen, the second almost never does.  The teacher always mentions the sign-up sheet as something optional and like they don't need as many donors as there are parents.  Maybe I've been a mooch all along and didn't know it.  :P  But I really don't care if people think I'm lazy or poor or whatever.  As long as they don't take it out on my kids.  My goal isn't to impress people.

[SKL]

Yet another thing.  A lot of what you say makes me think maybe there is a language barrier or possibly even a reading disability with the parents.  It really is impossible to say whether they are reasonably able to contribute in the way other parents do.

Edited February 10, 2016 by SKL

[Samm]

 

I suspect two of my students (same family) are Jehovah's Witnesses, but I don't know for sure. 

Why ascribe it to JW?  I would just assume they're broke or just don't value community kiddie parties .  Kids talk (and teachers talk) about what they brought, so I doubt it's lost on them time and time again. 

 

Or maybe the parents are conducting a social experiment and their kids are concealing body-worn camera on those days.  I'm not really kidding because I think the result would be interesting but mean to put kids in that front line position.

Edited February 10, 2016 by Samm

[Valley Girl]

When my kids were in 1st grade, I was asked to send 3 different things in 1 week, each of which required a trip to a store.  Peanut butter (for a donation), M&Ms, and I don't remember what else.  The requests didn't all come at the same time and they were all urgent.  So I was supposed to drop everything and run to the grocery store 3 extra times in 1 week.  Thing is, a busy mom is on a precision schedule.  I don't have time to drag my kids to the grocery store 3 times in 1 week.  And of course I can't leave them home or in the car or I'd go to jail.  Every shopping trip takes forever with little kids.  This is why I hardly ever go to stores in the first place.  It may sound petty, but seriously.  Gimme a break.

 

 

I hear you. This kind of thing used to make me want to go ballistic. Finding out at 5:00 p.m. (when I finally went through the backpacks) that I needed to have XYZ item for the next day was infuriating. Although the best one was getting a call from the room parent on the morning of a Christmas party telling me that I needed to drum up several wrapped gifts for a previously unplanned gift exchange for the class. (I was one of the few reliable parent volunteers.) Uh, no. I'm sorry your daughter will be disappointed that there's no gift exchange, but, really, the kids will happy with party treats and games.

[SparklyUnicorn]

It is odd though that they would show up.  I didn't think JWs would do that.  So I'm wondering if something else is going on. 

[itsheresomewhere]

If they are JW, I'm shocked they allow their child to participate. The JWs I have had as students through the years always leave early or go to the library during our celebration times. 

That's quite strange. 

I used to work with someone who was JW.  She would participate in every holiday, party, etc we had.  So did her children at school but they just would not contribute to them.  I never understood it as my other friends who were JW would just skip those things.  

Edited February 10, 2016 by itsheresomewhere

[nd293]

You always get parents like that - it has nothing to do with religion. As a parent who makes financial sacrifices to be at home for my kids, and be engaged in their education I do sometimes get resentful that my volunteer time benefits the kids of parents who couldn't be bothered and would never do anything for their kids, let alone mine. But overall, I let it go. There will always be people who don't contribute but enjoy the free ride....

[NorthwestMom]

From scouts, pto, and swim team, I heard consistent parent feedback that a public sign up sheet was a display of economic status. Parents would notice who signed up for the cheaper items and who didnt. It worked out better to tell everyone at join up time what the dollar amount of the extras was going to be for the entire year and then to assign. 5 parties, ok. A-D sends x, E-G sends Y, etc rotating every group so the contributions came out equally, or going with the cash option. It also worked out better from the healthy point of view...we no longer ended up with cereal and red dye containing juice, and those who had gardens and orchards contributed from their harvest.

 

I understand that in many families, shopping and preparing the snack contribution to send in is not going to happen. We have many parents who share a vehicle, and that vehicle does not get home in time for them to make a separate store run, even if they could afford the gas. I have no trouble managing a cash fund and purchasing since I am shopping anyway. And since I have lived here a long time, I know where the deals are and can make the purchases much cheaper than someone whose option is the convenience mart.

 

I'm not arguing with you or anything - I'm sure that was true for the people who said that, but - our family is probably close to the top in income level at our public school, which has a lot of kids below the poverty level, and that kind of thing is not anything I would ever pay attention to or judge. Never. It would not even occur to me that signing up to bring ice cream vs. napkins vs. straws  vs. nothing would contain any kind of economic signifier, or any kind of judgment.

 

It hurts my heart that people might think I'm judging them based on what they signed up to bring, or conversely, thinking I admire them because they brought an expensive brand of juice boxes or something. That is totally wasted energy.

 

[LucyStoner]

No fuss being made. I'm not going to ask them to contribute. The reason we put up a sign up sheet is so that we can put really inexpensive things on it for those who may not be able to afford much, and then other things that might cost a bit more, and let them choose. So, 1 dollar napkins, and maybe 4 dollar apples, iykwim. That way everyone can contribute.

 

See above.

 

Not even $20! More like $5. Even for birthday cupcakes for the class--a cake mix and frosting= ~$3. Yes, I am trying to silence the objector. LOL.

 

I thought so, too.

 

If I charged a fee, that would mean I would have to go shopping. I already go shopping and spend my own $ for this class--every teacher does. It's nice to let the kids go with Mom and/or Dad (or Grandparents, whatever) and contribute to the class. It's a very small way to connect home and preschool.

 

Nope, I honestly don't think they will bring in Valentines, esp if they ARE Jehovah's Witnesses.

One solution to that issue is to delegate the actual shopping to your room parents/active volunteers. It's not that hard to buy all of a similar kind of a supply at one time/place (ie all decorations, all art supplies, all food and all paper plates and napkins) and they wouldn't be spending their own money since it would come from the fee. Edited February 10, 2016 by LucyStoner

[LucyStoner]

I hear you! I was the "room mom" for my son's first grade class. The principal's daughter was a student in the class. Her mother flat out told me that she didn't have time to get special things to bring to school and didn't think she should have to. I just started to expect her to do nothing and planned accordingly, but I was stubborn and still sent the requests home with her daughter. Her daughter benefited from every activity that was planned, but the mom didn't think she should do her part. Drove me up the wall!

What terrible leadership on the part of the principal. She should have been setting an example for parent engagment, not using her job there as a get out of jail free card.

[Chris in VA]

From scouts, pto, and swim team, I heard consistent parent feedback that a public sign up sheet was a display of economic status. Parents would notice who signed up for the cheaper items and who didnt. It worked out better to tell everyone at join up time what the dollar amount of the extras was going to be for the entire year and then to assign. 5 parties, ok. A-D sends x, E-G sends Y, etc rotating every group so the contributions came out equally, or going with the cash option. It also worked out better from the healthy point of view...we no longer ended up with cereal and red dye containing juice, and those who had gardens and orchards contributed from their harvest.

I understand that in many families, shopping and preparing the snack contribution to send in is not going to happen. We have many parents who share a vehicle, and that vehicle does not get home in time for them to make a separate store run, even if they could afford the gas. I have no trouble managing a cash fund and purchasing since I am shopping anyway. And since I have lived here a long time, I know where the deals are and can make the purchases much cheaper than someone whose option is the convenience mart.

 

 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chris in VA

[Chris in VA]

Why ascribe it to JW?  I would just assume they're broke or just don't value community kiddie parties .  Kids talk (and teachers talk) about what they brought, so I doubt it's lost on them time and time again. 

 

Or maybe the parents are conducting a social experiment and their kids are concealing body-worn camera on those days.  I'm not really kidding because I think the result would be interesting but mean to put kids in that front line position.

 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chris in VA

[AnniePoo]

I don't see why this is a problem, personally.  They signed up for preschool.  If, for whatever reason, someone doesn't want to buy stuff for a party, then their option would be to either: a) skip preschool (which is ridiculous because it's what they already paid for) or b) go to preschool and not stress about it.  

 

Don't discount how personal stress can make even simple tasks like buying $1 napkins seem insurmountable.  I've been there.  It sounds easy, but for various reasons (some stated above) it's not always.   

 

Unless there was a party contract, why is there this notion of "pulling their weight"?  I saw stated above that it's not fair because these kids are benefitting from others contributions, but what are they supposed to do if this is something they don't even care about?  I personally find school/club parties and birthday treats to be a bother (our kids get PLENTY sugar already) and would much prefer NOT to do them.  Why do people who don't value this get stuck doing stuff too (unless they wants to look like jerks)? 

[TammyS]

Oh, and I should say - unless you have made it very very clear that they are required to sign up for something (which I wouldn't advise doing, but it's not my deal), they may just be slackers.  At DD10's current school they have a constant request for volunteers, donations, etc.  - *constant*.  It never ends.  I would say maybe 1/4 of the parents volunteer and 1/4 send in supplies (we send supplies, as we're okay financially).  I don't resent the parents who don't send supplies.  

 

I agree, with a twist.

 

I would say that unless these "activities" were spelled out when I signed up, I would feel free to ignore them.  I don't really find any value in them (actually, I think they're pretty stupid...Valentines is dumb, Valentines for little kids is realllly dumb, IMO), so I would definitely not be feel obliged to haul myself to the store (and my kids) to pick up stuff for a goofy "party".  If there were too many of these parties, I might even start to get irritated, as that's not what I would be sending my kids there for (ok, I've never actually sent a kid to preschool, so I don't know why I *would* be sending them, but for sure it wouldn't for Valentines parties).  So maybe the parents feel some version of that and are just being as kind as they can be, by being silent about it.

[Chris in VA]

Whatever.

 

THanks for the insights.

[TammyS]

 

 

I think I'm irritated a bit because I expect information that I request to be given to me.

 

 

Maybe they figure it's none of your business?

 

Just because one asks for information, doesn't mean one is entitled to it.

[Chris in VA]

^^You are correct. I need to check that attitude.

 

 

[marbel]

I don't see why this is a problem, personally.  They signed up for preschool.  If, for whatever reason, someone doesn't want to buy stuff for a party, then their option would be to either: a) skip preschool (which is ridiculous because it's what they already paid for) or b) go to preschool and not stress about it.  

 

<snip>

 

My kids only went to preschool for a short time, and then were homeschooled.

 

But, to me, when a parent signs a kid up for something - school, Scouts, swim team, some other club - they are signing up to participate in the activities that the teachers, coaches, etc are providing for the kids.  If part of preschool is birthday parties and valentine exchanges, then, why not participate?  Why sign the child up for something and then forgo some of the things you've (general you) signed up for?  It can make the non-participating kids look and feel like outsiders. Parents, too, in some cases.  If there are specific objections, such as to exchanging valentines, keep the child home rather than let them receive valentines but not give any. 

 

 

[TammyS]

I hear you! I was the "room mom" for my son's first grade class. The principal's daughter was a student in the class. Her mother flat out told me that she didn't have time to get special things to bring to school and didn't think she should have to. I just started to expect her to do nothing and planned accordingly, but I was stubborn and still sent the requests home with her daughter. Her daughter benefited from every activity that was planned, but the mom didn't think she should do her part. Drove me up the wall! 

 

I guess this is the thing that I don't understand.  Who are you, or the teacher, to decide the mother HAS a part?  When did we get the idea that it was ok to create expectations for other people to which they have not agreed?