How do you help your dc to keep emotional equilibrium?

[JadeOrchidSong]

How do you do this? How do you teach self talk?

How do you get your dc to exercise who hates walking, running, team sports, or any physical activity that involves exertion?

I am struggling with this.

[Tita Gidge]

I have one that's wound pretty tightly.  She's had a stressful year, so it's been a challenge to guide her through the highs and lows.

 

I encourage her to GET IT OUT physically.  Me, I paint to loud "angry" music (e.g., Tool).  My ex-husband runs.  One kid writes. The tightly-wound one stands in the shower and cries, with Irish traditional ballads blaring from the portable stereo.  Sometimes the tears run out first; sometimes the hot water does. Either way, it slows down her breathing and calms her some, which is the primary goal - to regulate breathing, find real focus, and get to where we've exhausted the emotion and can begin to think reasonably.

 

Exercise doesn't help me work through my emotional upset, but it works wonders for my teenagers. They're active in general, so it's not hard even when they'd rather not do it. I think other ways to get the benefit of physical exertion are: housework (in which case, at least for me and most kids I know, walking outside would suddenly look a lot more appealing!), raking, window cleaning, DANCING, playing an instrument, and - this might be too close to exercise, but worth mentioning - a mini trampoline and jumping to fast, loud music.

 

I'd approach it as: "I recognize this isn't something you want to do, but think of it as a type of medicine that you just need to close your eyes and swallow for a few minutes until your body has calmed itself."  

[Melissa in Australia]

The youngest two came to me with no ability to regulate emotions. The evidence of this was one that screamed for 4 -6 hours a day and the other self harming. With lots of work by not only our whole family, but a speech pathologist who also deals with behaviour problems and a psychologist we have almost eliminated the self harming and reduced the screaming to maybe 15 minutes a day. We have done things like social stories specifically developed for that child, a screaming location where it is OK to scream, reminders that we talk and screaming will result in nobody listening or helping, ear plugs for other members of family, a calm down star for doing deep breathing out, attachment parent training for me through psychologist etc.

 

The screamer has also developed his own strategy - he starts acting out a cartoon character. it is working, from my standpoint very very slowly, but from the case manager's viewpoint remarkably fast.

 

The ability to regulate emotions is starting to begin.

 

I find the screaming gets me all tight and angry. I can handle 30 minutes but after that I really struggle to keep an outward cool calm mum. I really struggle with this. It is really really important for me to model being calm - challenging sometimes.

[BooksandBoys]

It's such a minor thing, but just two weeks ago, my very intense DS2 chose to use deep breathing to calm himself during a tantrum. I've been modeling that for him during almost every tantrum his entire life (while he's only 4, he's had thousands and thousands of tantrums, so he's den lots if modeling). It was amazing. He's also suddenly noticing when his heart is racing (due to anger or sensory trigger) and asking for hugs to help it slow down.

 

In the last two months, we've prioritized swimming lessons and free swimming at the rec pool because we needed winter exercise. While I hadn't expected it, I quickly discovered that the pressure of the water is a calming environment for my pressure-loving, sensory-seeking but easily overloaded DS2. He's calmed considerably since we started swimming three times a week. I suspect that the sudden ability to use the techniques I've modeled all his life is due to his body being slightly calmer from to the swimming. But I could be completely wrong.

[lllll]

nm

Edited February 22, 2016 by _ oq?"

[Ottakee]

Your boys might not go for it but here the trampoline and swings get a lot of use by my teens.

[JadeOrchidSong]

So is this for average 13yo and 11yo boys? Or is it for children who have special needs or things like that?

They are average 11 and 13 year olds. No special needs. They are mostly respectful. But ds11 has been moody, tired, stressed about his writing assignment for an outside class. He also has growing pain in one leg. I am just trying to help him think and self talk in positive ways.

[JadeOrchidSong]

Your boys might not go for it but here the trampoline and swings get a lot of use by my teens.

They like trampoline and swimming. We have a big trampoline in the back yard that is put away for the snowy winter.

I will get us to go to the Y for swimming. We do martial arts twice a week. But it's not enough.

[bettyandbob]

I agree pressure from being immersed in a pool helps, as well as physical activity. I try to keep my kids in physical activities year round. They can choose the activity, but they have to keep it up or replace it with equivalent physical activity. It could be a sport, dance, even things like drumming or marching band (my nephew played tuba).

 

Bouncing and swinging is good for some people. If we had a trampoline I know it would be used regularly. We used to have a jogging tramp and dd was on it daily. When she is particularly stressed she goes to a playground behind our house ( 10 yards from backdoor ) and swings. She does this day or night in almost any weather when she is really stressed. She's going to need a replacement for college next year

[lllll]

nm

Edited February 22, 2016 by _ oq?"