What are your reasons for not homeschooling?

[Scarlett]

One of the prime reasons for not home schooling is the motivation for instituting a routine. When you’re at home, and you have nowhere to be, there is no imperative to be in a rush to start the lessons. If the child might be in a bad or uncooperative mood that day, how does the hapless mother get him or her to the designated learning area and then try to teach that bundle of joy? Whereas when they are bundled off to school, they will often snap out of a mood once they say hi to their friends, and go on to have a productive day of lessons and a generally fine day. In the structured environment of school, the kids learn discipline and time management, and learn to work within a structure. These are essential skills that we all need in the big world. A base that lacks these will lead to a newly-minted adult being thrown into a shark tank.

 

 

The same way a mother/parent handles any other parenting duty.  Some kids do fine in public school, others tank because they still need their moms, or because the school can't figure out their learning style, or bullies prevent any real learning.   

 

Honestly this post sounds like an ad for public school.  

[Lecka]

Yeah, I do not homeschool, but I don't think "hapless" is a word that should describe mothers. 

 

How do I get my kids to do tutoring (when it has been necessary)?

 

How do I get my kids to go to bed?

 

How do I get my kids to leave the park when I say it is time to leave? 

 

I would not be able to get *any* of those things done if I were hapless, and those are all things that fall under basic parenting.

 

I think outside tutors can be helpful at times and for various reasons, too, but I don't think mothers in general are helpless to get their kids to listen to them and do what they are required to do.

 

Now like I am perfect ----- but if I couldn't do it for one thing, to some extent, I couldn't do it for basic parenting, either, I don't think. 

 

With that said, I know myself and structure is an area where I am not so strong. 

 

Edited February 18, 2016 by Lecka

[LovesToLearn]

This is a great discussion! Lots of very good points from both perspectives to think about! OP, I wonder how you feel about all of this now?

[Crimson Wife]

I missed this thread the first time around. Currently I have one child entering 3rd who has never been HSed, one child entering 6th who has always been HSed, and one child entering 10th (eek!) who was HSed through 8th and then we outsourced core academics to Dual Enrollment courses at the local community college. I still file the Private School Affidavit for her since she has not yet completed the requirements for a high school diploma. But she tells others she is in college rather than "homeschooled".

 

My youngest is not HSed because of her multiple disabilities.

 

My oldest got to an academic level where she was hitting the boundaries of what I could teach, especially in math & science. We'd sit there together with the teacher's manual trying to figure out the answer and not infrequently we'd have to wait until DH got home so he could explain it to both of us. Humanities I felt more confident teaching but group discussions with many diverse POV's are much more engaging than just the two of us talking about a piece of literature or historical event. Sure, I could've outsourced to online providers like WTMA but those are expensive compared to CC tuition. The CC courses also will transfer to the bachelor's so it's a smarter decision financially even if the tuition were equal.

 

Another big reason for outsourcing to the CC rather than continuing to HS is state-specific: the stupid UC a-g requirements. DD was giving me a TON of pushback on the "cookie cutter" nature of a-g. If she goes the CC-and-transfer route, she still has to complete a well-rounded set of general ed requirements but there is a lot more academic flexibility. I sympathize with her desire to have that academic flexibility and I'm glad that I'm no longer the bad guy having to enforce something that I agree with is micromanagement on the part of the educrats.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I haven't read the whole thread, but thought I'd share my thoughts. I've been a diehard homeschooler since I came across it when my oldest was 3. I homeschooled my older two through high school. We outsourced a lot in the later years to provide them with the academic rigor they needed, but I was still very involved. My youngest asked to go to high school, partially because she just didn't have any academic peers in our circle and it seemed that most of the homeschoolers left were evangelical Christians who had very little positive to say about anyone not like them. We are Cathilic, but don't beat everyone over the head with that. We started with Chemistry and art. The following year, she wanted more classes so she added some social studies classes and spanish. We began to see that she works hardest in a group of peers that challenge her and she responds better to outside deadlines from someone who isn't me. It hasn't been easy for me to let go, but I do see that this is truly best for her. My older kids did a lot of DE classes at our local college. While I feel that this would be better for her than a bunch of AP classes with high stakes tests, she felt that the stress of commuting between two campuses (the high school and the college) would be too much and she would feel like an outsider. We are fortunate that part time attendance has not been an issue and that our local school has been great to work with.

 

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[AggieMama]

We don't homeschool for monetary reasons. Our mortage and health insurance would take up all of my husband's income, so I have to work. We live well within our means in regards to living, but our health insurance would be $1,750 a month if I didn't work (we're both teachers and have the worst insurance eve). If I had family around me that didn't work and were supportive of homeschooling, I would see if they would take care of the kids while I was at work and do most of the homeschooling after hours and on the weekend.

[winterbaby]

Social. There's just no substitute for school for an only child with special needs as far as continuity of relationships, frequency of contact, and willingness to bear with her differences. Unfortunately, the academics are heartbreakingly bad, so we have to work fairly hard at home.

Edited July 31, 2017 by winterbaby

[Janeway]

I have to make peace with it because I know that homeschooling is not the norm, whereas public school is. And because I do understand his reasons for not wanting to homeschool. He understands my reasons, but he doesn't think that they are good enough reasons. As I said, it's not an issue of calling off our marriage ... We agree about most things when it comes to raising our (future) kids. I am just trying to look at the bright side of the fact the my kids will most likely not be homeschooled, which would have been my preference.

Being a certain religion is the norm. Does that mean you will be that religion? And what if you have a daughter and she wants to be an engineer, will you allow it? Because that is not the norm for girls. And a boy, what if he wants to be a teacher or a nurse, will you allow it? A higher percent of kids are homeschooled than boys are ballet dancers or girls are engineers. So the stand by of "public school is the norm" is a complete cop out. If you run your life by that, then why bother? Make sure you keep your boys in science and your girls in cheerleading. Don't allow them to cross to the other side. Give her Disney Princesses and dolls and give him cars and trains and do not allow them to play with the other's toys. Because that is the world your child will live in if they just do what the statistical averages say they should do.

[bookbard]

Reasons we don't homeschool - mostly social. The homeschoolers I know meet up with others maybe a couple of times a week, often in structured activities. My daughter gets to have unstructured play with other children for at least 2 hours five days a week, and then there's often playdates on top of that. She has group-based learning with other kids 5 days a week, where they have to discuss and problem-solve and consider other opinions. I think that if you homeschooled, you would have to ensure there was enough social interaction because just as being proficient at maths means daily practice, so does being proficient at reading and interacting with other people. And it's not just same-age peers - in the playground, she's playing with kids across the age span from K to 6 (and she talks about them all!)

 

I was going to homeschool, and I actually run groups for homeschoolers so I see them regularly. I am seeing the advantages of not homeschooling more and more.

 

I think reading the stories on this board of women trying to get back into the workforce after 20 years out of it also serves as a bit of a warning. You never know what could happen - partner could die, leave you, develop a terrible illness etc, or the market could change and your partner be utterly unemployable. 

 

I can see disadvantages of school, too - the lack of proper maths education is driving me a bit crazy. They don't do much proper science or history either . . . but hey that's why I'm on the afterschooling board!!

 

I am still thinking of homeschool high school (that is year 7 onwards here) or at least year 7-10. So many kids esp boys just go downhill once hitting high school, it can be very tough. 

[kiwik]

Money. I am a solo parent. I work to support us with assistance from government subsidies. I do not earn enough to pay for someone to care for the kids while I work so they go to school. It is frustrating that the school seem to think they should be able to control your child's time after school has finished but so far we don't pay much attention to busywork homework. I am not sure homeschooling would work that well for us even if it was and option though - I would prefer part time school and half time homeschool. This isn't done here though although I think it could be done if the Principal allowed it.

This may have changed. The new principal seems to be fairly unsympathetic to non NT kids and I have been offered a job to which I can take my youngest (my oldest would be a nightmare unless he is very sick). It is not ideal but I think I can make it work and I think I will have to.

[AprilMayJune75]

I used to homeschool my DD, but when my marriage suddenly ended, I needed to work full-time outside the home. Therefore, she needed to go to school during the day. I have been grateful to find small, private schools and most of her teachers have been very good. We have had to supplement with math from time-to-time over the years, but the rest of my afterschooling has been focused on enrichment.

 

When DD was first born, my ex-husband said there's no way he would ever be OK with homeschooling. As she got closer to school age, though, he ended up having a change of heart. He didn't watch much to do with participating in the process, but we did both agree that it was best for her. DD's current school only goes through 8th grade, and I am seriously considering homeschooling and dual enrollment through the local community college during the high school years. (I can flex my work schedule to 4 10-hr days at that point if I want, and we live close to family now who could help if need be.) My ex is aware and hasn't indicated any objections to the idea.

 

 

[mamapeanut]

I have 8 children- my oldest was recently called home to heaven this past July( he was 20), I graduated my 18 yo from homeschool last May, my 16 yo is enrolled in our local christian high school by his choice, my 10 yo has Down Syndrome and is enrolled in a special ed school, my 13 and 6 yo's are enrolled in our church's elementary school and two are at home with me (ages 4 and 2). I would absolutely love to homeschool my 3 youngest children. My husband is a teacher in our church's school and we decided not to homeschool after talking with our pastor. He basically said that homeschooling would negatively affect my husband's ministry . So I've made peace with this by afterschooling. I believe they will get a decent education in our little school, but I will round it out with some of the "riches" that they may not otherwise get- composer and picture studies, nature study, and poetry and good quality literature for read alouds. We will see how it goes as my daughter will be in 1st grade this year and this will be my first year trying this.

 

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[YourFidgetyFriend]

I used to homeschool and now I don't, or rather my daughter went to a Montessori school until K, homeschooled until 4th, then back to school (she's now in the 6th grade.  These decisions were not particularly dramatic or heart-wrenching. Okay, maybe it was a little dramatic and heart-wrenching the first time (when I pulled her out after K), but that was because homeschool was this idealized thing I'd conjured in my head. Not that I hadn't considered the pros and cons, but let's just say I was pitting homeschool envisioned at it's very best against school envisioned at it's very worse. It took several years for me to realize that wasn't quite fair. There's a lifestyle component to homeschooling that still appeals to me, but I'd made at least one glaring error when I made the decision.  I was totally unrealistic about my own personality- my strengths and weaknesses. Yep, I'd lied to myself about myself. 

 

I'll back up a minute. My daughter was fairly advanced starting school. The school did try to  accommodate her, but at that time, she was flying through everything. It got to the point where I felt bad for her teacher who had an entire classroom of kids to serve, but here my kid was about to work the poor woman to death. I've always considered myself in charge or my daughter's education, so I would teach her before/after school. I was teaching her anyway. School felt like an extraneous third party. So out of school she went. 

 

My daughter is an only child. I'm a single parent, a minority, and not particularly religious. We never found our tribe. Part of that is my fault. I'm terribly shy, slightly awkward, and not prone to chatting up the homeschool mom beside me. When I did chat with people, our interests never seemed to line up. We did find a family we liked quite a lot the last year we homeschooled, but it never got past the "seeing each other at events" phase. By the end of it all, I'd often sit in the car when she went to activities. I was responsible for her going out and doing things and it took a toll on me. 

 

My daughter thrived academically. I am very good at teaching someone how to learn. However, I wasn't so good at teaching for teaching's sake. Sometimes it would take hours to do something simple. Why? I would get off task. I'm the person with 12 tabs open on the computer or the person who feels she suddenly must learn everything about chimerism while forgetting food is on the stove. My daughter learned that if she did not want to do something, all she has to do is pull mommy on a tangent. But overall, I liked homeschooling. There were pros and there were cons and I still consider it to have been a better choice for us at the time.

 

A large part of the reason she went back to school was because homeschooling was beginning to have an opportunity cost. Her best subject was math and while she never exceeded my level in doing math, she long exceeded the level at which I can effectively teach math. This is a kid who begged me to enroll her in Algebra 1 online at AOPS between 4th and 5th grade. That didn't happen until this summer due to cost, but it still isn't particularly difficult for her. She even started to blossom in subjects she was historically only ok in (like writing) despite my barely teaching her. Much like school was academically extraneous when she was in K, I was becoming the extraneous one.

 

With academics as less of an influence to homeschool, traditional school held more opportunity. Sometimes homeschool had similar opportunities, but they were often expensive and involved me chauffeuring her around all day. Also, she's at an age where some amazing programs  are limited to public and charter school students. One STEM program we've got our eye on would be invaluable for a child like my daughter. Some opportunities can't be easily recreated in a homeschool environment. 

 

So yeah, this was overly long. But I don't homeschool because it's not the right choice at the moment. I would encourage you both to keep an open mind. If you both feel so strongly at this point, it leads me to believe you've both been asking and answering the wrong question. The question isn't "Should we homeschool or school traditionally?" but something closer to "What immutable values constitute an excellent education for our household?" I believe the bigger picture should be your guide.

[Janeway]

I think you totally misunderstood her point. 

 

Regardless, the purpose of this thread is not to attack people who choose not to homeschool. This thread (and subfolder) is for those of us who don't homeschool to discuss the reason for our decision. Not for a HSing parent to drop in and tell us that our reasons are wrong. 

Actually, I do not home school all my children. I am not a hs'ing parent dropping in to tell you all that your reasons are wrong. I am telling you that picking what you do with your children, whether it be home school or religion or what activities they are in, based on which is most popular with the general population, is faulted. And I gave examples of why it is faulted.

 

I do not home school the kids I do not home school because I simply do not want to. I do not want to spend the time, money, or effort. To the contrary, OP posted that she wants to. She wants to put in the work and the effort and feels it would be great for her kids, kids that she has not had yet. But her boyfriend doesn't want to home school their future children and rather than discussing it and compromising, it came down to looking up what is statistically more common and going with that. That is not what marriage is about. Compromise and discussion will happen over and over again throughout the years and if this bride-to-be cannot find her voice, she will find herself miserable and trapped in a marriage where she is always just expected to do whatever the common population votes for.

 

OR, alternatively, she is not arguing with the guy because home schooling is not that important to her. But she does not want to admit that. So, she is saying she is going with not home schooling due to what is most popular in society. And there is huge fallacy in that excuse. She needs to do some soul searching about what she expects her own role to be in her own life and her children. Will she be the submissive wife who expresses no opinions and does whatever her husband orders? Will her voice count or matter? Will her husband make all the rules and plans and decisions? Because there will always be decisions to make, and compromises to make, and she can just say she just won't home school because she wants to obey him. But it really is rather ridiculous to say she won't home school because it is the less common option over public school. She cannot run her life and raise her children based on the statistics of what is most commons. Babies don't read those statistics. 

[winterbaby]

Or, you could get off your high horse about what kind of horrible person and woman she must be because she asked a simple question using one phrase that rubbed you the wrong way.

[goldenecho]

I do homeschool my youngest, but I'll answer this question about my older two.

 

1.  I never really even considered homeschooling any of my kids until my youngest needed it.

2.  My oldest two thrive in school.

3.  My oldest doesn't want to homeschool...says he would miss his friends.

4.  My middle child did want to try homeschooling, and we tried it for a month, and I had trouble keeping up with it.  We were only going to homeschool a year because there was some programs in Middle School I really wanted him to try (and we have good schools), and without a lot of wiggle room I was afraid of letting him fall behind, and my youngest already struggles, so I didn't want to loose ground with him either, so decided it was better if my middle kept attending public school.   

[sunnyday]

 

Look, you totally misunderstood her point and she didn't deserve your lecture.

 

Two lectures. One when the thread was first posted 18 months ago, and the other when it was bumped a couple of weeks ago.

 

Like the OP, when it comes right down to it we've gone with school because my kids' other parent is most comfortable with the status quo. I've made my peace with that. If I felt strongly enough that homeschool would be a significant benefit for my kids, I'd argue in its favor. But there are honestly pros and cons. My kids have friends at public school, and I'm able to use my time and skills to benefit my whole community (volunteering in class, serving on the PTA board) instead of just my own kids. I will admit I crave the flexibility of being able to shuck off the public school schedule and the constraints of the curriculum -- but I am also attached to the freedom of having safe, reliable, free childcare during the day that lets me balance my home duties and personal time with my parenting and other responsibilities.

 

The chance is growing that we're going to hit our breaking point with public school. My kids are outliers and last year was kind of egregious with respect to how little their needs were met. I'm going to keep closer tabs on them and be ready to make a change this year. But if that happens, I won't regret their public school years at all. In fact, I'd almost say that PS elementary and HS middle school (and hybrid high school?) could represent the best of all worlds, for *my* family.

[Bluegoat]

I've done both. My eldest started ps this year for grade six, my nine and seven year olds are still at home.

 

I guess my reasons relate in some ways for my reasons for homeschooling.  In younger years, the biggest reason is really that I'm not crazy about the way we handle elementary education here.  And especially the days are too long for little ones.

 

But for the most part, the schools are not bad places - they work to be good environments, though the education is uneven.

 

For dd12, she very much liked the idea of the social part of school.  And we decided she could attend starting in middle school which has an immersion program i French - a fluent second language just isn't something we can do at home.  We ended up sending her one year early mainly because I had a baby ad didn't want her to be behind right before she entered ps.  It turned out well though - I think it was a good transition.  She has enjoyed being with other kids and took on some leadership positions, and is looking forward to next year.  I do wish they would encourage her to read harder books.

 

For high school she can continue with immersion, but she could also do the IB program at the school a block from our house, and that may be the best choice, especially if she is fairly fluent by then.  

 

My dd9 says she never wants to go to school.  She is someone who finds being in large groups a lot more tiring.  I'm happy to keep her home so long as she puts some effort into school with me.  She's also more driven than dd12 which makes schooling alone more workable.  Though I think she could get a lot out of the IB program, that is too far away to really worry about.

 

Ds7 is a late reader, so I am really happy he is home for now.  He likes the idea of school, and would do well socially at this point but he would be labeled as behind academically which I would like to avoid.  We'll see how it goes later - being a boy gives me more academic worries than I have for my girls.

[lorie86]

We have twin boys who are in public school kindergarten.   We both have careers that we enjoy and make good wages.   While we may be able to live off of one of our salaries we enjoy the lifestyle we have with a dual income.  Did I mention that we love our jobs :)

 

We are not super impressed by what the school system offers.   So instead our kids go to school but at night and on weekends we are Afterschooling.   I am using the Ambleside Online curriculum as a read aloud program.  So far it is working really really well. 

 

The key isn't necessarily to decide now to homeschool.  But instead to focus on how you can make the home the center of your childrens education.   You can start by looking at yourself and how you can improve your own education in the home now.  

 

If you love him and want to spend your life with him then instead of trying to figure out how to convince him that homeschooling is the way to go talk to him instead about what your goals are for your future children and start looking at how to meet in the middle.

Ditto this <= "You can start by looking at yourself and how you can improve your own education in the home now."

[Wabi Sabi]

We have homeschooled the last 6 years, but this year my middle schooler begged to go to school for social reasons. Despite our years of involvement with various homeschool groups and other local homeschooling resources/classes, he's just never found his niche socially. He's been at the new school for one week now, and from the very first day it was clear that he found what he had been looking for all along, and has immediately found "his people."

[parsa33]

TOP 5 REASONS TO NOT HOMESCHOOL

 

1. HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE NOT IN AGREEMENT ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING.

No matter how much you want to home educate your children, it will not work for your family if you don’t have your spouse’s support. You may be the one preparing and teaching the lessons, but you will need the support of your husband (or wife), both emotionally and financially. Also, your children will be much less likely to cooperate if they don’t sense a united front from mom and dad.

If your spouse is unsure about homeschooling, consider the possibility of a trial year. Then, look for ways to get the non-teaching parent involved so that he sees the benefits firsthand.

 

2. YOU HAVEN’T YET TAKEN THE TIME TO COUNT THE COST.

I’m not talking about the financial cost of homeschooling, but the personal cost. Don’t rush into the decision to homeschool because your friends are doing it, or because it sounds like fun. (Even though it can definitely be a lot of fun!). You must have a personal conviction and commitment that will carry you through the days when you want to pull your hair out.

For the sake of your family, your reasoning must supersede your emotions

.

3. YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO LEARN PATIENCE AND PERSEVERANCE.

Homeschooling is a personal sacrifice of time and energy based on love. It takes careful planning and a willingness to go the distance. You will not have the luxury of allowing your feelings to dictate whether or to not to homeschool on a particular day.

As time goes on, you will be stretched, challenged, and discouraged. You will doubt yourself, your choices, and your sanity. Those things are a given. I've never met a homeschooler who didn't have to deal with them.

You don’t have to have superhuman patience to begin homeschooling, but you do have to be willing to develop patience – with yourself and your children.

 

4. YOU ARE UNABLE OR UNWILLING TO LIVE ON ONE INCOME.

To give your children the kind of education they deserve, you will probably need to plan on being home full-time. I’ve watched moms try to work while homeschooling. They are stretched in too many directions and tend to burn out.

If you are planning to hold even a part-time job while teaching school, especially K-6, you may be better off choosing to not homeschool. When some children are older, they may be much more independent and self-disciplined in their studies, freeing you up to get a part-time position.

Carefully consider with your mate what changes are necessary to make your school a priority.

If you must homeschool and work outside the home, there are ways to do so successfully. Plan with your spouse and potential caregivers how to make it work.

 

5. YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO BE INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILDREN’S EDUCATION.

If your current idea of home educating choosing curriculum that your children can do by themselves while you monitor their progress from a distance, well, that might work depending on how independent a learner each child is. But even if they can handle it, you will be missing out on so much.

I’m not talking about never using workbooks; some children love them. Workbooks can be beneficial for independent study when you are teaching multiple children at different levels. However, I love watching moms who plan hands-on activities to blend into their daily lessons.

These moms often find their own thirst for knowledge rekindled. They are enthusiastic and passionate about influencing their children’s lives, giving them a love of learning, and creating a learning-rich environment. I believe that has to be the ultimate goal should you choose to home educate.s aren't right for your family, it's okay to choose to not homeschool!

from site : http://persica-lime.blogfa.com/ 

Edited September 6, 2017 by parsa33