Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo

What are your reasons for not homeschooling?


74 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 01:11 PM

My fiancé and I haven't even gotten our lives started yet or had kids, but I read TWTM years ago and have always wanted to homeschool.  I'm beginning to see that he will never come around to the idea of homeschooling.  We have spent hours talking (AKA arguing) about it, to no avail.  Maybe by the time we have kids and they are approaching school age, he will change his mind, but I seriously doubt it.  So, I'm wondering if I can reach some sort of compromise and make peace with the fact that I will not be able to homeschool.  I'm curious to see what other people's reasons are for not homeschooling (esp. if you wanted to homeschool) and how you make peace with it, as well as what after schooling looks like for you.  Thanks! :)


Edited by Katie Anne Plans, 23 January 2016 - 01:11 PM.


#2 Hot Lava Mama

Hot Lava Mama

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1396 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 01:55 PM

.


Edited by Hot Lava Mama, 11 August 2017 - 04:53 PM.

  • dirty ethel rackham, EKS, 8FillTheHeart and 21 others like this

#3 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 02:41 PM

When I say argue, I don't mean a screaming and yelling match, but just a heated debate.  He feels very strongly that kids should go to school, whereas I feel very strongly about homeschooling.  That said, it isn't a make-or-break for me.  We have been together for a long time and we agree on most things when it comes to having children and how they should be raised; this is just one area where we disagree.  I'm not holding out too much hope that he will change his mind, so I am trying to instead look forward to just being as involved as possible in my children's education ... I think that I will always have a homeschooling mindset even if my kids attend a public or private school.



#4 SKL

SKL

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 27123 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 04:06 PM

I wasn't keen on group schooling until about 20 minutes after my kids started attending.  :p

 

The benefits I see to b&m schooling:

  • More varied stimulation.
  • More varied social opportunities.
  • Experiencing the teaching/interacting style of multiple adults.
  • Access to far more learning materials than any one family can afford.
  • Routine that isn't at the cost of a relaxed home.
  • Not having to be responsible for every single detail of everything.
  • Being able to focus on the areas of greatest need (e.g., extra math help) and fun enrichment.
  • Kids often listen more willingly to non-parents.
  • Kids are often motivated by seeing what other kids are doing.
  • More objective evaluation of how they are doing and what should come next.
  • My kids like school.  They like being with a bunch of other kids.
  • One of my kids does not like working for me.  It would be battle after battle - no thanks.
  • My kids are learning some healthy independence, self-advocacy, social problem-solving etc.
  • My own job and errands don't depend 100% on what my kids are doing.

Our afterschooling is tailored to what is needed or wanted.  If math is hard, we do math.  If school is pretty breezy, we will do more enrichment type stuff.  It really varies so much that it's hard to describe in generalities.  When my kids were in KG, we would spend one evening at the natural history museum, and other evenings we would read nonfiction together and practice piano and guitar.  My slower learner would do more basic reading tasks.  In 1st and 2nd grade, we did a lot of supplementary workbook stuff in response to challenges at school.  I found a bunch of educational but fun videos to expand their horizons.  In 3rd & 4th they are much more independent and I only give them "work" to do when their homework is light or to help prepare for tough tests.  But we do field trips, cultural activities, home experiments, writing, reading, and music.  They attend a variety of educational camps and one-off library programs.  They also get enrichment from various extracurriculars which you see in my signature.

 

It can be hard to balance the need for exercise, rest, friends, and independence with the desire to round out (or shore up) the kids' education.  There are times when we are up late because we choose to do so many things.  Sometimes I have to trust things to the school even though I might be able to do a better job.  Sometimes I have to let things go even though they could be done better.

 

I suggest you keep your options open until you meet your kids at least.  You really don't know yet what's best for them.


  • Mrs. Tharp, SweetandSimple, Sneezyone and 6 others like this

#5 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 04:29 PM

SKL - Thank you so much for that list! That is exactly what I needed. When you have read as much into homeschooling as I have, it's hard to find positive things about children going to school. I know I am getting a little ahead of myself, but having kids is something I have been looking forward to for over a decade (way over a decade) and sometimes it is hard not to think ahead. :)

#6 amymarie3

amymarie3

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 24 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 04:49 PM

We have twin boys who are in public school kindergarten.   We both have careers that we enjoy and make good wages.   While we may be able to live off of one of our salaries we enjoy the lifestyle we have with a dual income.  Did I mention that we love our jobs :)  

 

We are not super impressed by what the school system offers.   So instead our kids go to school but at night and on weekends we are Afterschooling.   I am using the Ambleside Online curriculum as a read aloud program.  So far it is working really really well. 

 

The key isn't necessarily to decide now to homeschool.  But instead to focus on how you can make the home the center of your childrens education.   You can start by looking at yourself and how you can improve your own education in the home now.  

 

If you love him and want to spend your life with him then instead of trying to figure out how to convince him that homeschooling is the way to go talk to him instead about what your goals are for your future children and start looking at how to meet in the middle.


  • Mrs. Tharp, Katie Anne Plans, urbannaive and 1 other like this

#7 Heigh Ho

Heigh Ho

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11794 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 06:25 PM

..

Edited by Heigh Ho, 02 March 2016 - 08:33 AM.

  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#8 tm919

tm919

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 663 posts

Posted 23 January 2016 - 09:03 PM

My husband would prefer that we homeschool, I'd prefer they go to school because they are such extroverts. We could both be convinced either way depending on the situation. Right now they both go to school (one a combination of public & private, the other private), and we afterschool.

 

Currently, I work -- most weeks part-time but often longer at stressful times -- and while some people could both homeschool and work a stressful  job, I know (from summer schooling) that I am not a pleasant person or a good mother when I try that.  I  think homeschooling would be better for my children IF I didn't work at all (so I wouldn't behave like an evil witch), but the difference is much smaller than it would be in some school districts / areas... small enough that a combination of afterschooling, me actually being a tolerable person to be around (most of the time), and the fact that they actually seem to enjoy school balances the scales. 

 

 A lot will depend on where you live, your personal finances, and what is best for each individual child. I still don't look further than a year out, because things can vary year by year.

 

Edited by tm919, 23 January 2016 - 09:04 PM.

  • Mrs. Tharp and Katie Anne Plans like this

#9 Pen

Pen

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 7923 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 12:07 AM

a backwards answer:  my ds went to 2 brick and mortar schools before homeschooling. Had either of the two worked better for him overall including academic and other needs he would still be in it, no doubt.  Social was better for him in school, but academics did not work for him at all.

 

He currently is doing co-op and so gets some of the best of both.

 

You will have, probably, from birth to age 5 to essentially home school. During that time you may realize that regular school would be good for your child, or even that you could use a break yourself. Or you dh might decide that homeschool would be good to try. (Hope you don't up with the reverse opposite views).

 

In any case, whether your child ends up in brick and mortar school or home school, try to look at the child you actually have and his or her needs, not at your preconceived ideas based on reading books.


Edited by Pen, 24 January 2016 - 12:28 AM.

  • Frances, SweetandSimple, SeaConquest and 4 others like this

#10 Ordinary Shoes

Ordinary Shoes

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1251 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 12:43 AM

I wanted to homeschool but came to the realization that it was better for our family that I work. I'll admit that I'm still grieving for the education that I wanted my DD to have. One way I made peace with my decision was to realize that I wouldn't have been very good at homeschooling anyway. There is no way that I could come close to some of the mothers on this forum. Also, DD is an only child and a school setting provides her with more social interaction that she would ever get at home. She's a social little girl and it's good for her to be around other children.

 

For me, the hard part about afterschooling is accepting that your plans have to take second place to what the almighty SCHOOL plans. Public school is a big machine. No one cares about your opinion or what you want for your kids. Your job, as far as the school is concerned, is to make sure your kids gets to school every morning and that you make sure your kid does his/her homework. They don't feel much obligation to you. And why not, they don't work for you. They work for the taxpayers not the parents. And what could you possibly know? You're just a stupid parent, KWIM? Actually our school district is good but I think anyone heading into the public school system needs to know the score. They make the rules, not you.

 

They're not going to care about what is the best math curriculum and they'll probably never choose the best math curriculum because they'll be afraid that some kids will do poorly on the mandated tests and the district will be penalized. They're not going to care about evidence about how kids learn; e.g. play based learning in the early years instead of academics. They want the Ks reading so they can take tests and check boxes and hit some bureaucrat's goals so the district doesn't get penalized.

 

My DD comes home from school tired. She's spent a good part of her day doing busywork. I see the silly little worksheets in her folder. I know that she does worksheets while the teacher works with the kids who are behavioral problems and the kids can't keep up. (I don't blame the teacher - she's dealing with the cards she was dealt.) And her being tired at the end of the day makes afterschooling hard. I can't tell her to ignore the silly, busywork homework.

 

I think you have to make peace with all of this to be happy with your kids being in PS and afterschooling. Obviously I'm not there yet and, in fact, we're looking at private school for next year. What I'm always trying to figure out is if my DD is being harmed by the PS machine. If it's just not as good as it could be, I'll accept it. But if she's being hurt then I must address it.

 

But the upside of this is that it's very much like real life so kids will learn the games they need to play be successful in corporate America.

 

BTW, as others mentioned above, it's very important that couples see eye to eye about how children should be raised and educated. It's not a good idea to go into a marriage with such a difference of opinion about something that is so important.

 


  • Susan in TX, Mrs. Tharp, 5lilpumpkins and 1 other like this

#11 kiwik

kiwik

    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5433 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 04:54 AM

Money.  I am a solo parent.  I work to support us with assistance from government subsidies.  I do not earn enough to pay for someone to care for the kids while I work so they go to school.  It is frustrating that the school seem to think they should be able to control your child's time after school has finished but so far we don't pay much attention to busywork homework.  I am not sure homeschooling would work that well for us even if it was and option though -  I would prefer part time school and half time homeschool.  This isn't done here though although I think it could be done if the Principal allowed it.

 

 

 

 

 


  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#12 Where's Toto?

Where's Toto?

    Eclectically Us-Schooling

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6705 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 10:40 AM

I agree with the others saying don't make too many plans until you see the kids you have.  I never had any intentions of homeschooling.  But my son spent a year in Early Intervention and that led to us doing preschool at home (unusual around here) and that led us to homeschooling.  When I had to go back to work, it led to us hiring a private teacher for them so that they are still homeschooled, just not by me. 


  • NoPlaceLikeHome, Mona and Katie Anne Plans like this

#13 mymomtime

mymomtime

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 63 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 11:10 AM

I agree with those who say don't make too many plans until you see the kids you have in front of you.  

 

I started researching homeschooling when my middle child was crying about going to school some time in 4th and 5th grade.  As I looked into it, I found I really liked the idea of it and suggested to my son that he could come home and we would figure it out.  He chose not to come home.  I would have had to convince my husband if he had said he did.  In my research, I saw that it might be an option for my littlest who at the time was still a toddler, BUT already knew all his letter sounds and could count some.  I stumbled on the WTM book and eventually bought it and read it.  By this time, my youngest was sounding out words and attending a play based preschool.  Every year, I still ask my middle child if he would like to come home.  He doesn't want too, even though there are somethings he struggles with at public school.  I've also offered it to my eldest, but she also said no.  She is very musical, and I could never provide the excellent music education she receives at our public school  in our home environment.  

 

My youngest is currently in 1/2 day kindergarten, public school.  He spends 1/2 that time in the 1st grade classroom for reading instruction.  Well, it is actually mostly spelling and written expression instruction.  He is reading on about a 3rd grade level, but his other "language arts skills" are closer to the 1st/2nd grade standards.  The other 1/2 of 1/2 day kindergarten is spent doing math and some science/social studies.  Math is easy for him, but it isn't as easy as reading.  He is solidifying his teen numbers in kindergarten.  

 

I am currently still in talks with my husband about homeschooling for 1st grade.  He has many reasons (see list above) that he wants to stay in public school.  One of his reasons is he is an "in the box" kind of person and he doesn't like to go outside the box, to him homeschooling is just too far outside the box for him.  BUT he also hasn't said "NO, give up your dream."  (I asked him this directly.) He wants me to keep talking to him about why I want to bring my youngest home.  I was expecting kindergarten to be a nightmare for my youngest due to boredom.  The school and teacher have accommodated for him and that has made a huge difference.  I think if my son was having lots of issues, my husband would be more agreeable to bring him home.  

 

I am afterschooling my kindergartner.  It is easy since he is home half day.  We spend less than 2 hours and most of that is read alouds.  I do 1st grade math with him, and we are working our way through WWE1 & FLL1.  He enjoys receiving the challenging work at home.  He flies through his kindergarten math homework and his 1st grade reading homework.  Next year afterschooling will look different if he attends school.  He won't get home until after 4 and that is when my older kids have a lot of their activities that I like to attend, along with dinner, homework for school, and downtime.  I won't be able to do it like I'm doing it this year.  

 

I think you should keep the communication open.  Wait and see how your kids are. Wait and see how the schools are where ever you land when your kids are school aged.  You've got time on your side.


  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#14 madteaparty

madteaparty

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4334 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 11:16 AM

From where I stand, there's a million reasons not to homeschool and the only one pro homeschooling is that you have no good choices available to you. For one, I liked having a career and making my own $. For two, it would have been nice to trust the professionals with the education, much like we do with healthcare, legal advice, etc. For three, there's the socialization which is a real issue. For four, it can be relationship damaging to homeschool, as in, I'd love to be the mom that makes a nice cup of tea and sympathizes with the heavy workload someone else is putting on him.
I make the tea, but i scream about algebra and arabic too. It's not really fair to me but here we are.
Need I go on? We homeschool out of necessity and only for so long as necessary.
  • dmmetler, Mrs. Tharp, Heigh Ho and 3 others like this

#15 Arcadia

Arcadia

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 16625 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 12:25 PM

It depends on whether you need your income when your kids are school age.
It depends on the school environment where you live when your oldest is school age.
It depends on how much of an outlier your kids are and how accommodating the schools are.

We choose not to homeschool because we don't have the patience. Parenting is stressful enough for us without being loggerheads with our kids over academics. We are homeschooling now but everything is outsourced. It is like a customized private school education.
  • chiguirre, dmmetler, Mrs. Tharp and 3 others like this

#16 Janeway

Janeway

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3904 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 12:58 PM

My fiancé and I haven't even gotten our lives started yet or had kids, but I read TWTM years ago and have always wanted to homeschool.  I'm beginning to see that he will never come around to the idea of homeschooling.  We have spent hours talking (AKA arguing) about it, to no avail.  Maybe by the time we have kids and they are approaching school age, he will change his mind, but I seriously doubt it.  So, I'm wondering if I can reach some sort of compromise and make peace with the fact that I will not be able to homeschool.  I'm curious to see what other people's reasons are for not homeschooling (esp. if you wanted to homeschool) and how you make peace with it, as well as what after schooling looks like for you.  Thanks! :)

Why do YOU have to make peace with not homeschooling?

 

Since you do not have children anyway, maybe you should reconsider the marriage idea. Since you both cannot see eye to eye so much already, it might be a long long marriage full or arguments and everything else.


  • Susan in TX, emmaluv+2more and insertcreativenamehere like this

#17 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 01:32 PM

Why do YOU have to make peace with not homeschooling?
 
Since you do not have children anyway, maybe you should reconsider the marriage idea. Since you both cannot see eye to eye so much already, it might be a long long marriage full or arguments and everything else.


I have to make peace with it because I know that homeschooling is not the norm, whereas public school is. And because I do understand his reasons for not wanting to homeschool. He understands my reasons, but he doesn't think that they are good enough reasons. As I said, it's not an issue of calling off our marriage ... We agree about most things when it comes to raising our (future) kids. I am just trying to look at the bright side of the fact the my kids will most likely not be homeschooled, which would have been my preference.

#18 justasque

justasque

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6294 posts

Posted 24 January 2016 - 01:33 PM

If you're not going to homeschool, take a serious look at the area you live in, and begin to research the schools.  There are two general approaches - buy a house in a "good" school district or feeder area and use the public schools, or buy an inexpensive house and plan on private school.  Either way costs $ - the former for the house, the latter for the school - as does homeschooling (the majority cost of which is often in mom's lost wages).  All three options often require frugal living to put the bulk of the money towards the children's education.  

 

As previous posters have mentioned, you can't really decide on "best fit" schooling for children who aren't here yet.  I'd put the subject aside for now, lest either you or your beloved get too wedded to a particular position.

 

As one who has had kids in all three options (public, private, home), I do want to mention, though, that private can be a good choice that is rarely considered.


  • Alessandra, Heigh Ho, Sadie and 2 others like this

#19 DoppeltGemoppelt

DoppeltGemoppelt

    Just Visiting

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 192 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 10:58 AM

If we could afford it, we would definitely homeschool. My husband supports my decision either way. Our oldest is turning 18 and never wanted to be homeschooled. The twins are in third grade PS, and it breaks my heart to have to send them to school every day. They are very advanced (not gifted) and usually learn the material much faster than their classmates. There is a lot of busy work, and much sitting around. I also feel, that with the school day being so long, there is no time to teach them real life skills. Both younger boys come home at 4pm, homework takes about 1 hour until everything is put away and ready to go for the next day, dinner, shower, reading and lights out. No room for activities or afterschooling.

That said, we could make homeschooling work financially, but there'd be nothing left for extras. No field trips, no gymnastics or swimming, no annual trips to my home country Germany. So when you weigh these options, I feel that our family benefits more if I work and bring in the additional income. It is unfortunate, but at least we can both say that we made one decision over another. If childcare was free, I'd homeschool in a heartbeat!
  • dmmetler and Katie Anne Plans like this

#20 shawthorne44

shawthorne44

    More Kilts!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3918 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 11:24 AM

Don't count on it, but it could be that once he sees the realities of the local public school once your children attend that he changes his mind.  Or, it could be a wonderful experience that would change your mind. 

 

I am pretty anti-public school, thinking that even a good one has its problems inherent in the institutional one-size-fits-almost-all approach.  But, if I knew that the local school was like the one I attended until mid-3rd I'd want to send DD there.  

 

On the other hand, I know of several homeschooling families where the father went from being very opposed to homeschooling to insisting on homeschooling.  


  • chiguirre and Katie Anne Plans like this

#21 MedicMom

MedicMom

    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1474 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 12:35 PM

1) I need to work right now. Like a PP we could likely afford it on my husband's income, but it would be tight. We both grew up in one income homeschooling families and went without. DH and I felt strongly we didn't want our kids to have the same financial insecurity we felt growing up. That said, I do have a job that is flexible enough to homeschool down the road.

2) DS had some special needs and very much needs a routine and structure I simply can't provide at home. This was not my dream life, but it is reality.

3) I love being mom and not teacher. I can focus on the extra things I want to supplement, and not the nitty gritty of reading etc.

4) socialization. DH and I grew up homeschooled in families where socialization wasn't a high priority. We differ in our beliefs. I actually found homeschool groups to be unwelcoming due to my DS's needs of high functioning autism and SPD. He struggles behaviorally and there were no homeschool groups that were willing to accommodate.
  • Mrs. Tharp and Katie Anne Plans like this

#22 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 03:07 PM

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied! This does make me feel a lot better ... I know it seems silly for me to even be thinking about this, but I have a STRONG maternal instinct that just hasn't become a reality for me yet! I have spent a decade working with kids as a career as well. I can definitely see the benefits of kids having structure that can only be possible in a large group (having been the person providing it as a former preschool teacher). I just wish that I could give them that one-on-one individualized & tailored instruction that is only possible in homeschooling. Other factors for me wanting to homeschool are the ability to have a very close-knit family, our own schedule, and the kids being able to have more nutritious meals during the day. I guess these things could reasonably still be possible if the kids went to school. I also have what I suppose are selfish reasons, such as wanting to be my kids main teacher, based on the fact that I love teaching, and wanting to be there to watch the lightbulb turn on for the first time when they learn something new. :/
  • Miss Bean likes this

#23 Arcadia

Arcadia

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 16625 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 03:27 PM

Have you decide on whether you are going to be a stay at home mom after your firstborn is born?

Hubby and I agreed on me being a sahm way before marriage. What we did was to save as much as possible and for him to pick only jobs that have a decent base income. Whatever bonus he got goes into emergency funds.

That helped when my oldest didn't like the affordable two day preschool he went to because I could just keep him home and enroll him for two outside classes to have fun with peers.

Since we have budgeted for lower cost private school ($1k per month tuition before extras) as a backup plan, it was easy financially to homeschool since the budget for education is already there. If I can't afford to outsource some classes, I would be seriously putting my kids back to public school just because it would sour our relationships in my case because my kids, my hubby and I are all headstrong individuals.

My hubby and I have been arguing for more than 20 years. Quarrels are bad, arguing is fine. Hubby and I are from a culture of strong afterschoolers so the way we homeschool is like afterschoolers.

#24 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 03:45 PM

Arcadia - Yes, the plan is for me to stay home when they are little, but to go back to work when they are school age. Personally, I think that I could manage to work part-time from home and that we would be fine financially, but income is only part of his reasoning for not wanting to homeschool. My earning potential compared to his is pretty laughable, to be honest, although it would obviously help. Mostly, he thinks the kids will grow up to be uneducated, unsocialized weirdos. His brother and sister were homeschooled (he lived separately from them and was public schooled) and they didn't turn out well at all, whereas he has a successful career, etc. I know that has a lot to do with his strong opinions about homeschooling. Ultimately, my relationship with him is more important to me than homeschooling. And yes, we have been arguing for our entire relationship, but I think that we do so in a "healthy" way! lol

#25 Ravin

Ravin

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12887 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 03:47 PM

DH doesn't think it's feasible with me working full time and him in grad school--even though I managed to home school while in law school for three years (went less than full time).



#26 Homeschool Mom in AZ

Homeschool Mom in AZ

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5163 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 04:36 PM

I felt strongly about homeschooling before I was married and had kids.  I wouldn't have considered continuing to date someone who didn't consider homeschooling a legitimate option. I had no problem with them thinking there was more than one legitimate option, but if someone had said a flat out no to it, the relationship was over.  I kept my future children's options open because predicting the future is really hard and there was no way to know which options would  be best for children I didn't have yet. (I got married in 1993.)

People take very personally how you treat their children.  The possibility of future resentment from being stuck in a ps or private school that you think is a wrong fit for your kid should they not thrive in that environment is not to be be minimized.  I know it's hard to imagine, in the engagement stage of a relationship, that something other than doing what your mate wants won't be the highest priority when the kids come along, but I'm telling you, you'll be over that by then.  You'll be focused on what's best for your kids in that situation and a spouse who can't articulate a good reason for saying no is going to sound really foolish to you. You notice no one else here has very thoughtful EDIT: OOOPS!  THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN THOUGHTLESS NOT THOUGHTFUL reasons for not homeschooling.   "I know weirdo homeschoolers" is no more a reason to not homeschool than "I know weirdo public schoolers" is a reason not to public school.  Sorry, his point of view isn't thoughtful and reasoned.  I wouldn't want someone who makes decisions that way to be someone who makes decisions that affect me and my kids.  Sorry.

Not that I know your future kid should be homeschooled, but more and more people are seeing that homeschooling is a better place for many kids to thrive, so counting it out is remarkably short sighted. Don't gamble on him changing his mind even if your kids are doing badly.  There are plenty of people out there who have a closed minded attitude about homeschooling or circumstances that make homeschooling impossible whose kids are doing poorly in an institutional setting. Better to date someone who thinks there are lots of different legitimate options and who will put the needs of the child first and adapt accordingly. That kind of person will work with forethought to have a lifestyle compatible with keeping different choices a possibility. I think people should have the lives they want.  To do that, they need to marry people who want what the same life for themselves and their kids. Homeschooling is really a lifestyle because it affects every aspect of a family's life and that's not a minor issue.

 


Edited by Homeschool Mom in AZ, 27 January 2016 - 03:06 PM.

  • Susan in TX, calihil, texasmom33 and 1 other like this

#27 kentuckymom

kentuckymom

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 664 posts

Posted 25 January 2016 - 04:40 PM

I was very pro public school until my son went to school and I realized that it's far from a great fit for a kid like him (he has diagnosed dyslexia and ADHD tendencies but no diagnosis). However, my DH has remained pro public school despite the difficulties our son has had. One of the things I do like is that our local elementary school is very diverse both ethnically and socioeconomically. You wouldn't get that kind of diversity in a homeschool co-op. While he's tended to make friends with other white upper middle class kids like him, he spends the day with lots of kids who don't look like him or come from families like his, and it's been good for him to see that. He also has always had a hard time accepting instruction from us, so it's been easier helping with school assignments (even if I think they're ridiculous, which I sometimes do) than it would have been being the one to give the assignments.

 

Early in his school years, our afterschooling focused mainly on intervention for his reading disability and also help with math, since his dyslexia made that harder for him as well. Now he's doing well in both areas, so I'm concentrating on giving him lots of exposure to science and history topics the school doesn't cover or doesn't cover in depth. This is mostly accomplished through books, both read alouds and books that I recommend to him or just leave lying around the house.

 

My daughter is coming up on kindergarten age and she hasn't shown any signs that reading will be difficult for her, so I may focus on enrichment for her from the beginning.

 

I disagree with the PP who said that you should reconsider your marriage because of this disagreement. If you generally agree, there's no reason this one difference will lead to a bad marriage. You don't even have kids now. It's possible that one of you will change your mind by the time you actually have school age kids. If not, and you're the one who has to give in, rest assured that, though public school has its problems, it's possible for kids to get a good education in the public school system, and it's possible for them to get an even better education with involved parents who are there to help where they need help and provide outside enrichment.


  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#28 Lecka

Lecka

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4793 posts

Posted 26 January 2016 - 08:55 AM

My husband is in the Army and he has felt sorry for homeschooled young adults who have a poor education and who are extremely naive and ironically seem to lack family support. This is his picture of homeschooling. It is not mine.

I have a positive impression of many people, and I think in some ways it is easier on kids who move.

My husband moved often as a child (I didn't) and thinks if we prioritize a school with a fair number of military kids, there will be kids looking for friends, not cliques fixed since K like I grew up with. I have seen that he has a good point.

I have turned out to think the outside structure of public school is good for our family. I am happy with the school, too.

We are at a place where if we move somewhere with poor schools, or if we have a shorter assignment, we agree it is a good option.

There are so many factors, though, and a lot of them have turned out to be unpredictable.

I took one of my kids out of a loving, small, very part-time Christian pre-school, and put him into a special needs pre-school meeting many more hours a week, and it was the right decision and ended up working out well, but it is something I would never, ever choose without the circumstances we had. So I feel more flexible and like more choices can work out, in some ways.

I think this is an important issue, though.

Whatever your reason for desiring to homeschool is, and whatever his reason is, it really may point to a deeper divide in your values.

I also think compromise can be required from both sides in marriage, and you need to think about if you are both making an effort to listen and be open to each other's point of view.

Back to the question though, I like the idea of homeschooling and I have done after schooling in various ways.

When it was time to make the decisions, though, I had 2-year-old twins and it was clear I could not do what I wanted for my older son, and that he would like to go to K. It has turned out to work out for us so far.
  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#29 Word Nerd

Word Nerd

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11713 posts

Posted 26 January 2016 - 12:29 PM

I started out homeschooling but had to return to the workforce. I did not feel I could adequately meet my kids' educational needs if I attempted to work outside the home full time as well as homeschool, so we enrolled the kids in school.


  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#30 Lecka

Lecka

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4793 posts

Posted 26 January 2016 - 05:50 PM

I read other posts, and we are still a very close-knit family. We do not do weeknight activities right now (with a 5th grader and 2 1st graders).

I pick my kids up from school and we have 5 solid hours together!

It is a big chunk of time :)

Many other kids are busy, and some kids really want to be busy.

My oldest does not like to be busy.

My 1st grade daughter will probably have weeknight activities as she gets older.

5 hours is a lot of time :)

I try to get chores done before I pick them up, I have a part-time job during school hours that I like, too.

Our evenings overall are very relaxed, and we have lazy Saturday mornings together as well.

I like to be loosely structured....... It really is a pro for me that we get so much structure from school.

Edited by Lecka, 26 January 2016 - 05:52 PM.

  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#31 Scarlett

Scarlett

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 19949 posts

Posted 26 January 2016 - 06:06 PM

I would not marry a man who was so opposed to homeschooling.  It would signal a fundamental difference in thinking.  

 

That being said, a couple I know, the husband mainly was so sure he would NEVER homeschool.  Well, he changed his tune as soon as his kids started coming along.  He has 3 girls who have never been to public school.

 


  • Susan in TX and Katie Anne Plans like this

#32 Katie Anne Plans

Katie Anne Plans

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 7 posts

Posted 26 January 2016 - 08:44 PM

Lecka - thank you for reminding me that 5 hours is a big chunk of time. I think that's the big thing that bothers me. I know it's selfish, but I just want to be able to spend as much time with them as possible!
  • Lecka likes this

#33 Lecka

Lecka

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4793 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 05:12 AM

I can't say enough that it is easier on me to have 2-3 hours on weekdays to get everything done around the house, run errands, plan (and maybe prep, lol) dinner, and have time to myself.  I need time to myself.  Then with picking my kids up from school, we have a huge chunk of time.

 

It is such a big chunk of time, I can easily take an hour in the evening to go out with just one of my kids.  We don't do this every night, but for example, last night I took just my daughter to the library for an hour, and we had a great time together. 

 

I had a chance this year to go full-time at my job, and I did at trial with my kids at after-care.  It was fine in a lot of ways, but I missed the time. 

 

My husband found me getting grouchy from not having time to myself, and I was trying to get things done on the weekend, too.

 

Depending on who you are around ----- you can feel like a loser for not working full-time, like you have to explain why you are not doing something more productive like home-school or something. 

 

Well -- my husband gets personal time and quiet time in the evenings after working full time, and he needs it.  If I take personal/quiet time after 6:00 it is going to be at the expense of my kids in some ways, but I *have* to do it for my mental health.  I just start to get run down without it. 

 

A lot of weeknight activities in my community are based on parents getting off work at 5:00, picking up their kids, and then going to an activity starting at 6:00 or 6:30.  Then they get out at a time that is on the later side.  It is stressful to make the effort in a lot of ways. 

 

There is this theoretical thing with a lot of parents at my kids' school, where every child plays one sport, and one activity, and then of course Scouts, and of course church one night..... and then of course the sport and Scouting will have some weekend commitments.  And this is seen as:  "we aren't doing too much, not like those people whose kids have ballet and soccer on the same day." 

 

There are kids who are *thriving* on these schedules, and parents who schedule their own social lives in some ways around chatting with friends during soccer practice or gymnastics or ballet or swim lessons, etc.  They schedule their kids for something at the same time as a parent friend, and then have time to chat with their friend.  I see it working.

 

It is so far from working for us, though.  We do not do well with it.  So -- right now my kids are not in anything.  Even church activities just run too late for us.  My kids are just messes. 

 

My older son is in Scouts right now, but it is a troop that does not meet very often, which is a good fit!  He still gets to go camping a couple of times a year, and he is old enough that he can be picked up, come home, get to bed, etc, without being wound up and staying awake, or being sad there is not time for enough stories.

 

This comes and goes sometimes, b/c I get tired of reading aloud so much sometimes. 

 

But, I also generally have a lot of time in this 5 hours to read aloud.  I used to *always* read aloud to my older son for about an hour every evening.  I was also doing a massive dyslexia remediation program with him for a couple of years (he reads at grade level now, yay).  Now that is rarely more than 30 minutes a night for him.  But, I am reading a lot more to my daughter, as she has gotten older and has a lot longer attention span.  I read to her for at least 30 minutes a night, often more. 

 

Then my younger son..... I used to read to him and my daughter together, and for quite a while. 

 

Now they are not really at the same listening level, so I am reading to him separately, too. 

 

I have had times when bedtime was an ordeal with my younger son, and then, I was getting up in the morning and reading to my older son before school, which he really likes, too, and not always reading to him in the evening.

 

But anyways ----- there is *easily* time for me to spend 90 minutes to 2 hours (2 hours is a high, 90 minutes is pretty usual, 60 minutes is bare-bones) to my 3 kids.  This is about how much reading aloud I do even in the summer when my kids are home all day.  This is the amount I want to do somehow, I don't do more with more time. 

 

With less time, I miss it, and it would be hard to read even 60 minutes spread between 3 kids, if we had weeknight activities, b/c they always will seem to cut into bedtime.  And, right after school, my  kids are ready to relax or have free play.  They do not want to do anything right after school.  So it is like ----  things are either right after school, right at the time we eat (and messing up my ability to prepare dinner, which is always kind-of hard for me b/c I am not so good at planning ahead), or right before bedtime.  These are all difficult times for us.

 

I really, really get why parents whose kids are drawn to a lot of evening activities will want to homeschool and structure their lives that way.

 

For us -- we cannot afford so much (x 3) with me not working full-time anyway, so I would need to work more to pay for it.... then I am working full-time, and we don't have time together in the evenings and I am stressed out. 

 

There really are a lot of low-cost activities, too, really we *could* afford things if we did more of the low-cost options.  The activities that would tempt me are things that get expensive for 3 kids, though.  It turns out that it is not a huge group at school who are doing all of the more-expensive things. 

 

There are also things my daughter may do when she is older, but we are not getting into the "you have to start at this really young age" thing, just b/c when you have that mindset, you are making a major time commitment usually, that is beyond a lesson a week.  When people are talking like that, there kids are in lessons 2-4 nights a week at what I consider a young age, and it is pricey, and it is either taking up a lot of after-school time (that my kids like to be free play or going to the park) or else it is eating into bedtime.  Though -- there are people where this works out very well. 

 

But anyway ------ if you want to work part-time, get everything done while your kids are at school, choose not to schedule them for weeknight activities (or minimize it, like ---- maybe one activity going on in the family per week, like everyone is at church or tae kwon do together..... or all the kids don't have an activity year-round, but maybe one kid has an activity for a few months, and then another kid has an activity for a few months, so you still have several unscheduled family nights), and choose to plan your evenings around pretty extensive time to read aloud.  There are nights I read aloud a lot more just b/c we have new library books for my daughter, or my older son's book is at a good part, too. 

 

I definitely feel like I get a lot of time with my kids, my kids get time with each other, and I get some free time, and I have time to get things done.  What is lacking is spending time with my husband on weeknights, we spend more time with each on the weekends, though.

 

Something to point out ---- for us, church is really not a "family time together" activity at all.  It took me a while to realize that.  But really -- at church, to some extent, we go our separate ways.  So -- on the weekend, if I am thinking about family time, I *don't* count church at all.  My kids are all worn out after church, too, and so Sunday Dinner after church, that in my mind is *special family time* is really nothing special for my kids' age group.  When they are older I think it will be *special family time.*  Right now it is more like -- just feed them and let them decompress after church.

 

School is much more structured and regular for them, and we are in a small town where kids still get recess (2 recesses, plus lunch/recess, for my 1st graders) and so they are more worn out after a morning of church than they are after a day at school.  Two of my kids *really thrive on structure.* 

 

But I think if you want to have weeknight activities, it can be your personal/private time, or your social time, if you have friends you grab coffee with while your kids are at a 45-minute lesson.  This is just not me, it will feel rushed to me, I would rather be at home. 

 

I know, when they are not having mom take one kid one place, while dad takes another kid another place, that there are couples who have couple time while their kids are at a lesson, even if it is just going to the store together.  Or, people who have personal time with one kid while going to a store, or just sitting with a book and reading to their kids, during a lesson time.

 

I think this can be good, especially the couple time.  That is something I think looks good!  But with my kids' ages/interests, we don't have anything where I think I could drop all 3 of them off, go out with my husband, and then pick them all up, on a weeknight. 

 

Separately -- the way my part-time job is, I can meet my husband for lunch sometimes, so that is our main private couple time right now, and then just spending some time together on the weekend.       

 

 


  • SweetandSimple, Katie Anne Plans and urbannaive like this

#34 SKL

SKL

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 27123 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 09:12 AM

I used to think that spending more time with my kids would make me a better mom, but when they began going to daycare/preschool, I felt they really weren't missing anything.  We still had hours together every day, and it was usually a positive, kid-centered time.  I work at home, so I am able to do most of my household chores during the day on work breaks, leaving me more free to focus on the kids in the evenings (though work priorities do interfere with that at times).

 

I do find that we do better when we aren't sitting at home all evening, so we do some things together like family TKD and hikes, or I walk for exercise while they do sports or play at the park, or I bring my laptop so I can work while they do kid stuff.  If we are home, they are usually hanging out in a bedroom doing homework or a kiddy project or reading or playing.  Or they are playing with the neighbors.  I don't like to hover over things they can do themselves at this age, because I want to encourage independence.  That said, we do all enjoy a nice read-aloud when we get the time for it.  :)

 

I never expected to be the soccer mom type.  I pictured things a lot differently than they played out.  But I don't regret the way things played out.  There are things I'd do differently in hindsight, but homeschooling isn't one of them.  :)


  • Lecka and Katie Anne Plans like this

#35 SKL

SKL

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 27123 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 10:51 AM

I want to share a little about my kids' school day.  They have never had those horrible schedules like you see in articles, all sitting at a desk all day.  They have always had plenty of recess and age-appropriate moving around and independent choice during the day.  They visit the school library daily if they want to.  From what I hear from them, they spend a lot of time with friends, working and playing together.  They make up recess games that they play for months.   Right now they are collaborating with their friends on writing stories - for fun.  Kids are encouraged to share their out-of-school experiences at school.  My kids are always interested in their schoolmates' lives, triumphs and challenges.

 

Besides doing the 3Rs with above-average rigor, they have regular classes (with specialized teachers) in Spanish, computers, music (2 days per week), gym (2 days per week), band (instrumental lessons plus band as a group), and art.  My average kid gets tutoring two days per week, plus extra help and extra time for certain tests.  The school has a gifted program, but my kids are not in it.  (The gifted teacher did encourage me to get my youngest tested individually since she doesn't test well.)  They have a good and affordable aftercare program in case we need it.  Despite strong academics, they generally don't give a lot of homework (at least so far, through 4th grade).  Overall, it seems to me that they make pretty good use of the time the kids are in school, and it's a fairly positive atmosphere.

 

They could do science and social studies better (though they do have a science lab, it isn't used much by the younger classes).  While most of the teachers have been good so far, the 1st grade teacher (who has since retired) wasn't the best.  They could individualize better.  Things aren't perfect, but could I really do it better myself?  I could have done K-1 or 2 better, if I had the time, but at some point I'm glad that it is a serious team effort, and I think my kids like it better this way also.

 

Full disclosure - my kids attend a Lutheran school.  We do live in a school district that has an "excellent" rating.  We are lucky to have truly viable choices, and I know not everyone does.  But I wanted to push back against the idea that being in b&m school means a lot of sitting still, one-way communication, conformity, endless testing, boredom, bullying, anxiety, and mediocrity.  You might end up in a district where those things are the norm, but allow yourself to be open to the idea that the schools might please you.


  • Heigh Ho, Lecka and Katie Anne Plans like this

#36 Lecka

Lecka

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4793 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 12:49 PM

I agree. 

 

We are in a public school. 

 

It is a little rough right now with a wet playground, and them having indoor recess, but it is age appropriate and there are lots of chances to move around. 

 

The teachers are caring.  I have not had a teacher who was not caring yet.  I have had things where I had a different opinion or have been frustrated.  It has been a difference of opinion or frustration with a caring person, though, which is night and day from just not having the teachers be caring. 

 

I respect the teachers and sometimes they have turned out to be right (gasp). 

  

 

 


Edited by Lecka, 27 January 2016 - 12:51 PM.

  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#37 Homeschool Mom in AZ

Homeschool Mom in AZ

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5163 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 03:16 PM

Edit in #26. Sorry about that!  I shouldn't have posted without rereading it for errors and clarity earlier.  I meant to say that the people on the thread don't have thoughtless reasons for not homeschooling as opposed to the "I know weird homeschoolers" thoughtless "reason" given to the OP. I hope people picked up on what I meant while they were reading the whole post. 

I keep an eye on threads like this specifically because I run into homeschoolers now and then who say, "I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't homeschool!" so I can respond with a current list of legitimate reasons people choose not to homeschool from the actual source.



#38 Yellow Rose

Yellow Rose

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1473 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 03:50 PM

The possibility of future resentment from being stuck in a ps or private school that you think is a wrong fit for your kid should they not thrive in that environment is not to be be minimized.  I know it's hard to imagine, in the engagement stage of a relationship, that something other than doing what your mate wants won't be the highest priority when the kids come along, but I'm telling you, you'll be over that by then.  You'll be focused on what's best for your kids in that situation and a spouse who can't articulate a good reason for saying no is going to sound really foolish to you.
 

 

I'm not disagreeing with your overall comment. I just want to caution that the possibility of resentment also exists if one parent forces homeschooling on the family without the buy-in of the other parent. People can have good reasons for wanting either option. Talking through the options respectfully... not minimizing the other party's concerns... doing research together... talking to many families, not just one or two who assure you how easy it all is... having an agreed-upon point at which the other choice kicks in... can go a long way toward bringing disagreeing sides together.


  • Katie Anne Plans likes this

#39 Pen

Pen

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 7923 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 05:05 PM

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied! This does make me feel a lot better ... I know it seems silly for me to even be thinking about this, but I have a STRONG maternal instinct that just hasn't become a reality for me yet! I have spent a decade working with kids as a career as well. I can definitely see the benefits of kids having structure that can only be possible in a large group (having been the person providing it as a former preschool teacher). I just wish that I could give them that one-on-one individualized & tailored instruction that is only possible in homeschooling. Other factors for me wanting to homeschool are the ability to have a very close-knit family, our own schedule, and the kids being able to have more nutritious meals during the day. I guess these things could reasonably still be possible if the kids went to school. I also have what I suppose are selfish reasons, such as wanting to be my kids main teacher, based on the fact that I love teaching, and wanting to be there to watch the lightbulb turn on for the first time when they learn something new. :/

 

 

Arcadia - Yes, the plan is for me to stay home when they are little, but to go back to work when they are school age. Personally, I think that I could manage to work part-time from home and that we would be fine financially, but income is only part of his reasoning for not wanting to homeschool. My earning potential compared to his is pretty laughable, to be honest, although it would obviously help. Mostly, he thinks the kids will grow up to be uneducated, unsocialized weirdos. His brother and sister were homeschooled (he lived separately from them and was public schooled) and they didn't turn out well at all, whereas he has a successful career, etc. I know that has a lot to do with his strong opinions about homeschooling. Ultimately, my relationship with him is more important to me than homeschooling. And yes, we have been arguing for our entire relationship, but I think that we do so in a "healthy" way! lol

 

 

It seems to me that your reasons pro are better than his reasons anti.  He has a very small sample size from which to derive his opinion, and it is not even clear if the reasons for his brother and sister to have troubles would be homeschooling. Maybe there were other factors such as whatever caused them to live in separate locations. What do your future brother and sister in-law say about it, btw?

 

Your fiance's negative view of homeschooling sounds like it is mainly a strong emotional reaction, not a logic based one. And while totally understandable, it IMO is sort of like someone who had a sibling die due to drowning decide that their children will never be allowed to go swimming. The logical probability is that the children of the living sibling will not die by drowning, and in any case, they could still die that way even if never allowed to swim. It just isn't logical.

 

 

 

 

The one thing I saw here though as a possible win-win for both points of view, is that things that are important to you like nutrition are not likely to be met at a regular school, but you are not the only person who wants that. Perhaps you could work to start a school that would meet these needs for more kids than just yours, thus having the positives you seek (mainly), while still having them in a school situation. This would not necessarily help with extremely flexible schedule, but it might.

 

 

I'd be a little wary of afterschooling because it can be too much for everyone if there is a lot of homework or activities, but the last bolded item, watching them learn something new would probably be the case if you afterschool since if you do that most of the academic learning will take place then, not in school, IME.


Edited by Pen, 27 January 2016 - 05:23 PM.


#40 Homeschool Mom in AZ

Homeschool Mom in AZ

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5163 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 05:44 PM

I'm not disagreeing with your overall comment. I just want to caution that the possibility of resentment also exists if one parent forces homeschooling on the family without the buy-in of the other parent. People can have good reasons for wanting either option. Talking through the options respectfully... not minimizing the other party's concerns... doing research together... talking to many families, not just one or two who assure you how easy it all is... having an agreed-upon point at which the other choice kicks in... can go a long way toward bringing disagreeing sides together.

 

Yes, I addressed all of that in my post when I talked about being fine with a spouse that considers legitimate options in addition to homeschooling.  Narrow mindedness and choosing to be ill informed and rigid for no good reason are serious character flaws that can negatively affect any marriage  no matter which position a person takes on any issue. In other words, his decision not homeschool isn't in itself the problem because there are plenty of good reasons people have for choosing not to homeschool,  his attitude demonstrated in his categorical disregard for his finance's point of view and for facts are the problem. She really shouldn't ignore that.

Let's also admit that anyone who is seriously interested in homeschooling before they even have kids are people who are usually interested and motivated to homeschool more than the average person who came to homeschooling after having kids and much more than people who are homeschooling as a second or third choice.  We can't minimize that and the finance shouldn't either.  Again, as I've said many times, that doesn't mean homeschooling will definitely be a good it for her and her kids, but that guy is not making informed, thoughtful decisions at this point. Kids need parents who make thoughtful, informed decisions about significant things like education.


  • Susan in TX and calihil like this

#41 Yellow Rose

Yellow Rose

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1473 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 06:46 PM

 In other words, his decision not homeschool isn't in itself the problem because there are plenty of good reasons people have for choosing not to homeschool,  his attitude demonstrated in his categorical disregard for his finance's point of view and for facts are the problem. She really shouldn't ignore that.
 

 

I'll have to go back and look at the OP's posts again. I didn't notice a "categorical disregard" for her point of view. She said, I believe that they both understand each other's reasons. She later mentioned that he has some baggage from his family experience that could be addressed with exposure to other people's outcomes, but I don't see that as utter disregard for her feelings. But again, I'll need to go back over everything.



#42 wintermom

wintermom

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5728 posts

Posted 27 January 2016 - 08:12 PM

My fiancé and I haven't even gotten our lives started yet or had kids, but I read TWTM years ago and have always wanted to homeschool.  I'm beginning to see that he will never come around to the idea of homeschooling.  We have spent hours talking (AKA arguing) about it, to no avail.  Maybe by the time we have kids and they are approaching school age, he will change his mind, but I seriously doubt it.  So, I'm wondering if I can reach some sort of compromise and make peace with the fact that I will not be able to homeschool.  I'm curious to see what other people's reasons are for not homeschooling (esp. if you wanted to homeschool) and how you make peace with it, as well as what after schooling looks like for you.  Thanks! :)

 

Is your dh more worried about specifically homeschooling or you staying at home with your children - and you not working full-time?   The money factor should be independent from the type of schooling, imo.

 

My dh and I knew nothing about homeschooling before we married, but we both supported one of us being at home with our children. At the time, the theory was that this would be until they were all in school, but once we discovered homeschooling, this has been the best thing for our family. The decision to have one of us at home with our children was made long before children, so that we could set up our home, expenses, etc. that would be possible to maintain on one income. 


Edited by wintermom, 27 January 2016 - 08:13 PM.


#43 Silver Brook

Silver Brook

    Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 771 posts

Posted 30 January 2016 - 08:17 AM

Just to throw one more thing in the mix, what about a hybrid school?  There are some public charter classical hybrids in CA, not sure if they exist everywhere.  There are an overabundance of good private university model schools where I live.  Both husband and myself went to private schools, so public was not the norm for us.  Maybe the norm is whatever you did in your youth?  Anyway with some of the great part time options, does it have to be either/or?  Couldn't it be both?

 

I'm no expert and I am not an afterschooler, so take this with a grain of salt.


  • Susan in TX and shawthorne44 like this

#44 Silver Brook

Silver Brook

    Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 771 posts

Posted 30 January 2016 - 08:43 AM

Here are an example of public hybrid school:

http://www.triviumch...charter-school/

 

 

Here are a few more private ones to investigate:

https://en.wikipedia...y-Model_Schools

 

 

 

 

 


Edited by Silver Brook, 30 January 2016 - 08:47 AM.


#45 KimHalterman

KimHalterman

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 3 posts

Posted 31 January 2016 - 09:31 PM

My husband and I are public school educators, and in general, we are big fans of the intentions behind public education and the good people who work in public schools.  That said, education needs to be tailored to the individual kid, regardless of parental preferences and philosophies, to some degree.  In that regard, we are personalizing our son's education with afterschooling.  For reference, he's 6 and in first grade.  Here's what is working for us right now:

 

* Providing additional direct instruction in reading (mainly through phonics) and math (a keen area of interest for him)

* Providing opportunities for him to build knowledge in areas of personal interest (right now, that's learning about space)

 

We begin working together, and we wind up doing 60-90 minutes of supplemental instruction about 5 nights a week.

 

We have always enjoyed accessing informal education communities, like those in museums, and continue to do so.  It's our hope this helps him take joy in learning, respect the interests of others, and build background knowledge.  

 

So, in direct answer to the topic question, afterschooling has become a way of personalizing and of sharing in the pleasure of learning.  



#46 shawthorne44

shawthorne44

    More Kilts!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3918 posts

Posted 01 February 2016 - 01:50 PM

Just to throw one more thing in the mix, what about a hybrid school?  There are some public charter classical hybrids in CA, not sure if they exist everywhere.  There are an overabundance of good private university model schools where I live.  Both husband and myself went to private schools, so public was not the norm for us.  Maybe the norm is whatever you did in your youth?  Anyway with some of the great part time options, does it have to be either/or?  Couldn't it be both?

 

I'm no expert and I am not an afterschooler, so take this with a grain of salt.

 

Those University model schools make a great deal of sense to me.  If we needed to send DD to a school for whatever reason that would be my first choice.  



#47 kiwik

kiwik

    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5433 posts

Posted 02 February 2016 - 11:50 PM

Those University model schools make a great deal of sense to me. If we needed to send DD to a school for whatever reason that would be my first choice.


I would love an option like that but NZ is a bit backward in educational choice.

#48 shawthorne44

shawthorne44

    More Kilts!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3918 posts

Posted 03 February 2016 - 11:29 AM

I would love an option like that but NZ is a bit backward in educational choice.

 

I suspect that Silver Brook might live in the same general area as I do, because from what I've read there is an unusual number in my area.  A private school started using the University Model, it was successful.   Then families moved too far away to attend the school but in the same general area.  Some missed the original schools so much they started new private schools using the same model.   But, the University Model just boils down to a private school with buy-what-you-need and longer classes meeting every other day.  


  • Silver Brook likes this

#49 RKWAcademy

RKWAcademy

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 411 posts

Posted 03 February 2016 - 12:08 PM

Before we had kids, I'm sure my husband would have thought homeschooling wasn't worthwhile.  Homeschooling was all my idea and push.  Now that I am homeshooling two first graders, I'm the one advocating sending them to school next year.  He's opposed.  He very strongly wants his kids to continue to be homeschooled. 

 

Opinions can change once kids actually arrive.  And even once a decision is made, it can be re-evaluated often. 

 

That said, agreement on child rearing should be a huge priority before marriage.



#50 MillyDilly

MillyDilly

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • 16 posts

Posted 03 February 2016 - 01:37 PM

Just get as involved as you can. It does depend quite a bit (I realize I'm echoing a lot that's already been said) on where you live. When I grew up, I got to enjoy a combined homeschool/private school experience. Where I live now there isn't a place that is cool with that so I get to make adjustments to my plan A.
My sister in law sends her kids to the local public school and it's a great fit for their family. She was the pta president for 2 years and is now a substitute teacher for her kids' school so she gets to be very involved.
Some communities have lots of charter schools that require heavy parental involvement and choice making for curriculum. Maybe your husband would be willing to compromise and move to a place that will have a school solution that works for both of your viewpoints.
Good luck!

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk