Questions for INTJ personality types

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have done the test before and come out as very close on T/F, so INT/FJ. One time, I came out as T and one time as F, both with a 49/51 percentage. When I read the typology, though, INFJ is most similar to my personality.

 

I have great longevity for joining in. I have been in the same co-op for my entire hs journey, since my oldest child was Kindergarten.

 

This is so cool.

 

I would have stuck with our last group.  It really was a great group. 

[RoundAbout]

I am definitely an INTJ and I do not do homeschool groups.  Have tried a few times, but have not lived in an area with a really well-run one.  The thing that drives me batty in general about being a mother is trying to make small talk with people I have nothing in common with other than the fact that we both have kids the same age (goes all the way back to toddler play groups).  Drives me insane! I love connecting with people I have chemistry or common interest with, but with most people I have to grit my teeth and really work at it.  

For socialization I rely on the YMCA for my son (2 hours a day), drop-off events, or DH who is a super strong extrovert with a flexible schedule.  

I homeschool for a lot of reasons - my DH is retired military and were not in a good school area until after he retired, we like to travel, I want a superior education for my child, and he is accelerated/gifted/whatever to the point where school is a tough fit (we tried for 6 months).  I enjoy the homeschooling life immensely.  Learning together with my son is so much fun.  



 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I was bummed my kids didn't like the Boys and Girls Club. They liked it at first when they were allowed to choose what they wanted to do.  Now they rotate you through various activities and the activities are pretty awful.  And apparently kids aren't allowed to play freely anymore.  Everything has to be highly structured. 

 

 

[Guest]

Wow! If you ever get down about the quirks of being INFJ, you can be grateful for this. I can't imagine a group I could unite with like that. Maybe if there was a small group of deep thinking Orthodox homeschoolers who prefer classical but are not dogmatic and rigid about it and who are dedicated, hard working and creative, I could imagine the possibility.

Yeah I got lucky. I can tell you there is a lot of philosophical variation amongst the members of that co-op, but I still have managed to form deep bonds with a few of the ladies there, and consider many of them my wider-circle friends. That is not to say each person is a perfect match; I am so hodge-podge in my ways of thinking anyway, I kinda hope there isn't anyone who thinks like I do! ;)

[Onceuponatime]

I am ISTJ, borderline S/N. I started homeschooling partly for religious reasons, partly because I thought I could do a better job teaching my daughter at home, after I saw what kindergarten was like. I dropped the religious reasons and stayed the course because my kids wanted to. Plus, I loved the books, and the personal learning and growth I've been able to accomplish alongside my children.

 

I have been in a few groups over the years. The coop we only did one year and it felt like a waste of time. The homeschool bowling club lasted 7 years for us, until the organization fell apart. Before I decided it wasn't for us any more, we were in a support group that met in a church and I insisted on rewriting the statement of faith so that I could ethically sign it. That raised some eyebrows. We've been doing our own thing for about 5 years.

[Carrie12345]

INTJs, why do you homeschool? For the sake of the kids, do you engage with groups like co-op, CC community, play groups, field trip groups, etc? If so, how do you get along with your group? Are you able to stick with one group very long? If you don't do groups, how does that play out with the kids?

 

My tests have been flirting towards F and P for the past year or two, but I was a solid INTJ for probably a decade before that.

 

I started homeschooling b/c of ds's academic strengths and social weaknesses. Then I realized, if it was good for him, it would be great for the rest of the kids, too.

I do engage with groups as much as possible.  Sometimes more than I can reasonably handle.  I feel like I get along with everyone just fine, though I might pick up on a weird vibe if I withdraw for a few weeks.

We went through a few small groups in the beginning, but it was more about groups falling apart than me dropping out.  We've run in the same circles (multiple, overlapping groups from tiny to huge) for the past 2-3 years, when Facebook really helped everything launch.

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 30, 2015 by w11

[Alice]

I'm an INTJ, off the charts on the I and J.

 

I think I started homeschooling because it sounded to me like a great way to have been taught. I wouldn't have wanted it as a child because of issues at home but in an ideal world I would have loved being a homeschooler. We started saying that we'd do it one day at a time and we are still enjoying it. As the years have gone on there are more and more reasons that I am glad we do it, but they aren't necessarily reasons I chose. I love the flexibility of choosing our own schedules. I love  that my kids can have a much more relaxed lifestyle than the craziness I see around me (we live in a very high stress and competitive area). I like learning. I like spending time with my kids. 

 

We are in a homeschool co-op and have been for 6 years, it's the same group and we will likely stay there through the point of me not having anyone to homeschool. It's a VERY large co-op which in many ways is easier for an introvert. I have made some good friends there but it's also the kind of place where I can choose to sit outside and read by book during lunch instead of socializing and no one notices or cares. 

 

My oldest is very much like me so I would guess he is also an INTJ. The other two are definitely extroverts. I have seen benefits for all three on having a group, probably more benefits the older they get. My oldest, like me, will sometimes choose to sit in a corner at lunch and read but he has a group of friends who will always include him if he wants and he has a few close friends. For him, that's enough. My youngest NEEDS people and I hope that the co-op will provide her with the social stimulation she needs as she gets older. I think someone as extroverted as her would not be able to continue homeschooling if she did not have some kind of social outlet. 

 

[MaeFlowers]

Short answer: I homeschool because I was unimpressed with local schools. I was unimpressed with the way things were being taught, some of the teachers, and because I felt my ds(and probably most students) was being short changed.

Personal reasons, I like doing things my way and am slightly anti-establishment.

I don't do co-ops because I brought my ds home so I could teach him, I don't want to sign a statement of faith, and because I just don't want to be bothered.

 

Plus forgive and errors. I'm stupid tired.

 

ETA: Yep. That was supposed to day "please forgive any errors." I'd like to blame auto correct but I don't think I can.

 

ETA, again: I give up.

Edited December 24, 2015 by MaeFlowers

[fdrinca]

I homeschool because it's better (for my family? or just in general?) than attending public or private school. 

 

We belong to a co-op, mostly out of a sense of duty for my children. We'd moved cross-country, and they wanted to make friends. 

 

We are now **trapped** in our co-op, since I've found the meeting space at our church AND I am one of the core teachers. (It's textbook INTJ: leaders weren't doing their jobs well or reliably, or, as my DH would point out, **to my standard**, so I offered to coordinate leadership responsibilities instead.)

 

I know some aspects of our co-op are hugely important for a few of my children. For some, they appreciate having "school-like" experiences that they can use to relate to peers in other settings. My son with ASD benefits from the time with other children. I see it as a strictly social enterprise, and if the children learn anything then I consider it a bonus.

[EndOfOrdinary]

Hardcore INTJ here, with a fairly strong ENFP kiddo. We homeschool because public school did not meet the needs of my very academically advanced kiddo, who has the social and emotional needs of someone his age. He is also sensitive. Bullying issues were bound to be a major problem.

 

We have attemped co-ops. Our rural area has two: one I cannot stand the parents or how they are creating many entitled/spoiled children, the other was a significant time commitment that we just could not make work with cost/benefit analysis. When we lived in Big City, we attended the same co-op for years and frequently hung out with the other mom's a couple of times during the week.

 

My son very much needs people and social interactions. None of what we do is specifically homeschool focused. He is part of weekly Awanas, weekly Magic the Gathering classes, weekly piano lessons, monthly group piano, monthly book group, church community, environmental activist community, and can hang out with the regulars at the coffee shop I work at multiple days a week. In general, he is a fairly steady fixture at the coffee shop. He has a tab, does his school work, and can walk basically walk most anywhere in the small downtown area to get together with friends. Due to his environmental work, he is not shy about checking our joint calendar, finding a good time, and then calling his friend's parents to make playdates.

 

In the summer, he has a very tight group of friends who spend three or more days a week at the skatepark together.

[vonbon]

INTJ/P here.  (No question about the INT; the J/P always end up close to equal.)

 

Haven't even read all posts yet but could have written many of the ones I read, verbatim.  Can't believe I stumbled upon this thread!  Very helpful.

 

I question the exact same things:  

 

- Why, exactly, are we homeschooling?  Some of it is because we believe it's best for them; some due to choices available; some of it is because of me and the way I want to connect with my kids in relationship.

 

- At this point--a few years in--I can't even see handing over the reins any time soon.  I am VERY controlling about seeking out the best quality and possibilities in regards to subjects, curriculum, pace, etc.  Recovering perfectionist.  In a good way, homeschooling is forcing me to overcome some of these perfectionist tendencies.  I don't like a lot of the systemic things I see going on in the public school system.  

 

MaeFlowers said: "Personal reasons, I like doing things my way and am slightly anti-establishment."  

 

The above is true for me too.  

 

- Despite being somewhat against-the-grain, we use a charter school because of the classes provided.  Our motivation is not the $ for extracurricular activities--it's the classes.  It's awesome in a whole bunch of ways (staff, freedom to choose curriculum, families, students, course offerings, etc.)  Classes meet on a limited basis (like 1-2x/week, some months of the year), but there is some continuity with the group of students/friends and they do things like plays and sports that lend themselves well to groups vs. the few of us at home.  Even with its awesomeness, I have repeatedly contemplated "breaking up" with the school because I always want more freedom to do things my way.  The reality is that DD needs that consistent social time without Mom always being the social planner.  For a variety of personal and life reasons, I cannot supply 100% of the energy required to meet her needs for interaction and I see that her needs will only increase with age.  School helps with that.  Limited amount of "away" school = perfect for now.

 

- One DD is an extrovert.  She LOVES the interaction component of any class, lesson or group-oriented activity, so I constantly struggle with questioning whether homeschooling is "the best" for her.  I think she could interact with people all day and it wouldn't be enough.  The only reason I consider public school at this point is more interaction for her and less for me.  

 

- Personally, I would prefer less interaction (with both kids and adults), though I am quite social and get along on the with many people.  Catch 22 is that those social skills (which I learned for survival, not out of natural desire) only beget more contacts and possibilities for relationship, which is exhausting.  It is possible to do many things well but not enjoy any of them or to become depleted by them (public speaking, leading large groups, hosting events...)  I love people AND people take a certain quality of energy that I do not always have in abundant supply.  

 

I detest the stress of organizing playdates even though in reality they end up being fun and I enjoy the one-on-one exchange.  The last large party I hosted left me feeling depleted in a particular way for over a month.  I've found that, for me:

 

   solitude = well-filling

   small groups of people = social satisfaction

   larger groups = depletion

 

- I love the IDEA of getting involved in various groups / co-ops but the reality is that, as another person posted, nothing is ever done to my standards.  I realize this is somewhat prideful and immature, but I haven't grown through it yet.  I can't take on a role in all groups because when I'm stretched too thin, I'm not very nice or loving.  So...I hope I can learn to be thankful for others' efforts--not matter what they look like and to just be OK with what I currently label as mediocrity or "fluff" so my DCs can experience group activities without me ending up as a leader of some sort (which I have done a lot of but don't desire / enjoy.)   

 

I am going to have to grow as a person and mom to meet my extroverted kids' needs in this way.  I hope I can grow gracefully and to the benefit of my whole family, without excluding my true nature / needs as a human being in the process.  

[Laura Corin]

I often think about taking a vacation alone.  I actually am not annoyed by my family.  Three of the four of us are major introverts.  The fourth is not a major extrovert.  And I can hide in my house.  But, I never REALLY get a vacation.  Even when we take a vacation, it's not really a vacation.  Holidays are not vacations.  It just means I have to cook and clean more.  When I take a break from homeschooling, yes that is nice, but I still have 100 other things to do.  And in fact I tend to use that time to deep clean or get to whatever other thing I don't have time for normally.

 

One time we went on holiday (vacation) and I stayed an extra couple of days after the rest of the family went home.  We were flying, so there was no problem with transportation.  It was really good, if odd - I just sat and read a book, took walks.

 

I've been travelling to see my mother in hospital about once a month recently.  Even that has been a good break: travelling on my own.

[Alice]

I often think about taking a vacation alone.  I actually am not annoyed by my family.  Three of the four of us are major introverts.  The fourth is not a major extrovert.  And I can hide in my house.  But, I never REALLY get a vacation.  Even when we take a vacation, it's not really a vacation.  Holidays are not vacations.  It just means I have to cook and clean more.  When I take a break from homeschooling, yes that is nice, but I still have 100 other things to do.  And in fact I tend to use that time to deep clean or get to whatever other thing I don't have time for normally.

 

Four years ago when I turned forty I asked my dh if as a present I could go away for 24 hours and stay in a hotel alone. It was heavenly and I've done it every year since for my birthday. I usually pick a museum or two to go to and be able to take the time to look in alone and then I check-in to the hotel and read and write and watch stupid TV or whatever I want to do. I make sure it's a place with room service so I can really avoid people completely. 

 

Dh is very much an extrovert so the idea is weird to him but I'm lucky that he gets that it recharges me. For his 50th next year he is literally inviting hundreds of people to our house for an open house potluck thing. I told him for my 50th I might want two nights away. :) 

[Alice]

dp 

 

Edited December 24, 2015 by Alice

[TammyS]

 For his 50th next year he is literally inviting hundreds of people to our house for an open house potluck thing.

 

Oh, no! :svengo:

[PrincessMommy]

INTJs, why do you homeschool? For the sake of the kids, do you engage with groups like co-op, CC community, play groups, field trip groups, etc? If so, how do you get along with your group? Are you able to stick with one group very long? If you don't do groups, how does that play out with the kids?

 

OMG!! You're questions are so telling.   I never looked back and made the connection between my being INTJ/P (also a mix) and the way I homescooled.   I reluctantly did co-ops but I never really seemed to warm up (or no one warmed up to me). 

 

I did co-op for the kids, but there were times when I was  lonely and looking for friends too.  Mostly I was odd-man out.  A lot of times it was because either the group had been meeting for a while or most of them went to the same church.  Either way I was usually the outsider.   I made 2 friends via my kids during that time and we still talk occasionally (very occasionally).  Otherwise, I never see or talk to anyone from any of the co-ops I did off and on for nearly 20yrs.

 

I loved it when the kids go old enough to take outside classes - either with homeschool groups or CC.  It worked very well with our family. 

 

When I first started homechooling I had two friends who were go-getters and outgoing.  They would often call me and get me out the door for field-trips or what not.  They were good for me in that respect.  We started homeschooling together so it was also partly the adventure of doing this new thing together.  But, they both moved away.  Those years following that were very hard for me. 

[kewb]

Homeschooling forced me way out of my comfort zone for my kids sake.

I never did Co ops but did a lot of park days and group field trips. Homeschool museum days, art classes, gym classes, etc. I made one really good friend and a bunch of acquaintances. Nod and smile acquaintances who I would exchange pleasantries with but nothing further.

 

My kids made some friends this way. Ds's best bud is the son of the one friend I made. There are a few other homeschool friends between them. Long term friends are mostly friends from swim team or local on our town who go to school. My oldest was lonely. There just wasn't a lot of kids his age when we started homeschooling.

[MedicMom]

I am an INTJ. Heavy on the I. We are not currently homeschooling but probably will in the future.

My oldest is on the spectrum. He recently got two birthday party invites and I'm not sure which one of us was less excited about it, him or me. Trying to make small talk at a loud and chaotic party with people I barely know is akin to the seventh circle of hell for me. We invited both boys over for individual play dates instead. One of the reasons we chose not to homeschool him is that he really needs to be with other kids some, and I know I won't push it for him. Frankly, he and I would live happily ever after in our own house reading books and playing games, all day long.

 

DD3 is very very social. She seems to view me and her older brother as sort of mutants. She's in a two day a week day care right now just to play with other kids. I went to their Christmas party last night and while it was miserable she was thrilled I came.

 

For the record there is no social anxiety. I just don't like many people and prefer my own, orderly little world. They call me Dr. house at work, and it fits.

[Alice]

Oh, no! :svengo:

 

Ha! It's not as bad as it sounds. He will do all the work, or most of it. And I figure if he can try and understand my weird introvert tendencies I can indulge his extrovert side. :) 

 

I can always claim the dog needs a really long walk in the middle of the open house. :) 

[....]

INTJs, why do you homeschool? For the sake of the kids, do you engage with groups like co-op, CC community, play groups, field trip groups, etc? If so, how do you get along with your group? Are you able to stick with one group very long? If you don't do groups, how does that play out with the kids?

 

I'm an INTJ.  And, yes, I will answer your questions in an orderly fashion.  LOL.

 

1.  We homeschool because my oldest two went to ps for a year and I believed I could do a much better job.  They both needed individual attention and a more individual learning environment.

2.  No, we do not do co-ops.  Ack!  Really not for us.  No play groups or field trip groups.  Why would anyone in their right mind want to do that??   :tongue_smilie:

3.  The kids do a year-round sport together, one of my kids does ballet, one kid works at a pit bull rescue and one kid takes classes at an art studio.  It plays out OK.  I really just want to take them to classes and leave.  I don't want to belong to their silly Parents Group or help with their Christmas party or fundraiser or "get to know everyone" or whatever.  I don't want to be your new best friend.  I just want my kid to take the class and leave.  People don't seem to understand that.  One activity we're in scheduled something EVERY weekend from Thanksgiving to the second weekend of December.  That weekend, they had FOUR "things" to go to.  Why would we want to do that????   :glare:  

 

I think we are very misunderstood.  Oh well.  

[Teacher Mom]

I am an INFJ mother of an ENFJ daughter (only child). No co-ops, groups, nothing. I just could not take the constant emotions and chaos. So I used paid classes where she could interact with others and I could take walks around the building or out into the garden of the building. For years, people thought I was just a closet smoker. I never smoked; I could just never handle the emotions of large groups of women. One to three quiet people, I am okay --- I can maybe even find a like interest in a few months. But more than that, I am walking to find a place to read in silence.

 

I could not even endure staying at group swim lessons in the summer. I would stand, look for that imaginary pack of cigs, and walk the neighborhood sidewalks for the hour. Yes, I missed her swimming but, when she said she wanted me there, I would stand outside the fence and watch her. 

 

Oh, I was very much a reluctant homeschooler. I only did it because she was academically accelerated and we were in the military. It didn't appear to hurt her -- she is off to college in the fall. 

 

Sometimes, it is better to be what you are -- so you can be better to your child. I was always very honest about my limitations and she knew that I would stay if she needed to feel secure. Thankfully, that was only the first day of a class, at belt tests, and when a skill was perfected, so we made it through okay.

[73349]

INTJs, why do you homeschool? For the sake of the kids, do you engage with groups like co-op, CC community, play groups, field trip groups, etc? If so, how do you get along with your group? Are you able to stick with one group very long? If you don't do groups, how does that play out with the kids?

I'm an INFJ, borderline INTJ.

 

I used to teach school, and homeschooling looked like the best option for DS as a student and for our family lifestyle. (If that sounds like I think I can do it better than anybody else... well... you know how it is. ;) )

 

I am looking for opportunities for DS to make friends. Our volunteer-run activity group just went splat, so we're going to do more paid stuff in the second semester. I have no interest in trying an academic class for him at this point--I'm sure it would be a waste of time. I hate large groups (of course) and keep hoping we'll make a connection with one or two other compatible families nearby. My BFF lives out of state and only has a toddler.

 

DS is an only child who likes other kids and needs practice to build social skills. I'm frustrated that it's taking this long to make good friends, other than one family we hang with sometimes. Then again, I went to PS and didn't make many close friends there.

 

If any of y'all are feeling the same and in the Raleigh area with elementary-aged kids, feel free to PM me. We'll see if we can work out something that won't drive either of us crazy. :)

Edited December 24, 2015 by whitehawk

[SparklyUnicorn]

One time we went on holiday (vacation) and I stayed an extra couple of days after the rest of the family went home.  We were flying, so there was no problem with transportation.  It was really good, if odd - I just sat and read a book, took walks.

 

I've been travelling to see my mother in hospital about once a month recently.  Even that has been a good break: travelling on my own.

 

Hm.  See this doesn't sound appealing to me.  For one thing usually by the end of a vacation I am ready to get the hell away from wherever I am.  Plus I hate flying alone.

[Laura Corin]

Hm. See this doesn't sound appealing to me. For one thing usually by the end of a vacation I am ready to get the hell away from wherever I am. Plus I hate flying alone.

I love flying alone. Peace, quiet and anonymity.

Edited December 24, 2015 by Laura Corin

[Upward Journey]

I had an amazing mother who gave this INTJ the gift of homeschooling through 6th grade. It was amazing! Quiet. Plenty of time to study (and oh, did I study!). The chance to only socialize with people worth my time (yep, I'm an INTJ!! It sounds snobby, but I promise, I'm nice...I just don't like groups). I loved it. I went to school for junior and high, which was torture, but college turned out to be amazing because again there was time to study and really delve into topics. And very minimal group work. :-)

 

I homeschool because I have at least one if not two 2E kids. It was clear from age three that my oldest would have the chance to thrive at home but would struggle mightily in the classroom. I also valued my own homeschooling, so it was an easier decision (no blinders here...I knew it would be hard and rewarding).

 

We're part of a tiny co-op - three committed families, a few other occasional participants. All three mothers in the core families are introverts (INTJ, ISTJ, and INFJ). We're committed to each other, which prevents the flakiness (so far). I'd struggle with a large group. We recently joined cub scouts and I'm finding myself struggling with the disorganization, the noise, and the crazy. (My E son loves it!)

 

I wish I could have a vacation from homeschooling all by myself, two weeks in a cabin in the wilderness would work for me. And that vacation should happen every 6 weeks. That would work well for this introvert. Or I could just give my kids more electronics so they'll be quiet!! :-)

 

Even better would be if my family went on vacation every 6 weeks without me!!!

[slackermom]

I love flying alone. Peace, quiet and anonymity.

 

Me too! I like the quiet excitement of it.

 

I flew to Chicago for a solo vacation one year: museums, room service at the end of the day, and a good book. Yeah, me. :)

 

I am so INT I had to think about this question for a day before posting.  I flip flop on the P/J part, thanks to mindfulness therapy, trying to judge less....

 

I homeschooled an only child for 2 years (grades 4/5) because of the huge gap between what school offered and what my highly driven fast-learning daughter needed. I enjoyed learning alongside her. I tried to do homeschool park days, and visited coops, but it was not for us. I was willing to try it for her sake, but she was super anxious about it. I did drop off classes, sometimes for homeschoolers (at museums, etc.), but mostly afterschool and weekend stuff open to everyone interested, which allowed some continuity (she could stay with an activity regardless of school status). Dd would rather take a specific computer programming, dance, or art class and meet kids that way than hang out with homeschoolers just because they are homeschoolers. So we were at home for most of the day, with her spending LOTS of time reading, then off to activities from 4-7 or so. That was manageable for me.

 

She is back at school this year, at a charter school that does project-based learning, with a highly accelerated math track for those who need it. She wants to be part of a larger community of scholars for middle school. She is still doing theater, programming, writers group, dance, etc., while I shop or wait in the car and read, though there are a couple of parents I get out for, if I see them.

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 30, 2015 by w11

[AnniePoo]

INTJ here too, though I don't think I'm a super-strong one.  I tested that way in high school and I tested again yesterday.  Still INTJ.

 

Why do I homeschool?  We were planning to move around a lot and I wanted continuity for my kids' education.  After we settled, it became clear that my 2nd was exceptionally gifted and wouldn't have fared well in school.  My oldest didn't want to go to school so I guess we're sticking with it.  I go back-and-forth about how long we'll stick with it.  

 

The hardest part of homeschooling is having to be "on" and answer questions all. day. long.  Too much chatter directed at me.

 

I LOVE co-ops and groups.  I'm actually pretty social for an introvert (but need major decompression time afterward) and I am usually so overloaded from my kids sucking my energy that I welcome the mature conversation and someone to listen to ME for a change.  Plus, it gives my kids other people to talk to.

[JenniferB]

Even better would be if my family went on vacation every 6 weeks without me!!!

My husband and kids take a trip the weekend before school starts so I can get all set up and organized.

[JenniferB]

Can I resurrect my own thread?  I've been mulling over this ever since I started this thread.  Do we have any new participants who would like to chime in?  

 

I'm mostly curious about how you made co-oping or not co-oping work in your family.  We are part of a CC community currently.  I like being part of a community, but I don't like the restraints I feel, whether real or imagined, to follow someone else's plan.  I get bogged down with questioning everything and analyzing everything.  I'm constantly thinking about how to improve the program.  I'm pretty sure it's an INTJ personality trait to not be tied down to anyone else's plan, and I'm wondering if I should just face the music and live within my personality confines and not sign up for a group next year, at least one that has a plan I must follow, even if somewhat loosely.  I need to come to terms with how I can and cannot function well.  I get so kerbobbled when I'm tied down to someone else's plan.  Tell me it's ok to be me.  Tell me if you have overcome a similar struggle to be your INTJ self. 

[JumpyTheFrog]

I get bogged down with questioning everything and analyzing everything.  I'm constantly thinking about how to improve the program.  

 

I do this about most places I go. I am a big fan of efficiency and it seems to me that few (retail) business spend much time trying to be efficient. I am pleased to report, however, that there is a grocery chain near my parents that has done away with individual grocery lines and gone to one line, which makes it easier for cashiers to get a bathroom break without annoying customers (can you tell I was a cashier once). 

 

The post office drives me crazy. I don't know how they find such slow workers. Maybe they are sloths disguised as people.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I test as an INTx, (ties on J/P are awarded as a J). This means I have the expectations of an INTJ but the indecisiveness of an INTP. I am often relieved that my food restrictions mean I can't eat most stuff at a restaurant because it makes it easier to choose something.

[LMD]

I'm INFJ, married to a INTJ. We, uh, like to do things our own way...

Dh is super efficient and hates people for the most part!

 

A hs group I am part of, I helped lead with another lovely lady - who is INTJ! Lol, it was very much a case of stepping up because no one else was doing a competent job. I stepped down. I think the other lady is hoping to asap too.

[Seasider]

I am leading one coop weekly book discussion class and I have already decided that I will not return next year. I enjoy the kids, but don't like long term commitments to curriculum requiring me to follow a narrow set of methods, standards and course schedule.

[Seasider]

I will add, though, that I have to weigh my own desires with what's best for the kids. My last one at home is a total E and that's requiring some bloodletting on my part!

[JenniferB]

I will add, though, that I have to weigh my own desires with what's best for the kids. My last one at home is a total E and that's requiring some bloodletting on my part!

 

This is where I get hung up.  I feel my kids need a co-op, so I go searching for one and sign up, then halfway through or sooner I feel choked by the commitment and it starts to feel like a yoke I do not want to guide me.  

 

For next year, I'm trying to put together a group that meets just once a month for presentations.  

[Guest]

Can I resurrect my own thread? I've been mulling over this ever since I started this thread. Do we have any new participants who would like to chime in?

 

I'm mostly curious about how you made co-oping or not co-oping work in your family. We are part of a CC community currently. I like being part of a community, but I don't like the restraints I feel, whether real or imagined, to follow someone else's plan. I get bogged down with questioning everything and analyzing everything. I'm constantly thinking about how to improve the program. I'm pretty sure it's an INTJ personality trait to not be tied down to anyone else's plan, and I'm wondering if I should just face the music and live within my personality confines and not sign up for a group next year, at least one that has a plan I must follow, even if somewhat loosely. I need to come to terms with how I can and cannot function well. I get so kerbobbled when I'm tied down to someone else's plan. Tell me it's ok to be me. Tell me if you have overcome a similar struggle to be your INTJ self.

I think by CC, you mean Classical Conversations? To refresh your memory, I test out as an ambiguous INT/FJ. In fact, I did the test again when you started this thread and I came out INTJ this time, but right on the border in T/F as always. :) I am a girl who loves an organized system, and I can very much relate to what you are saying here. The co-op I belong to is enrichment-based. It is the only reason I have happily meshed there for so many years. I have considered other co-ops before, including a CC one and a Classical one (I drool over the idea that they have Latin there!) However, I have never gone beyond reading their fact pages, because I chaffe at following someone else's plan. I know this will not suit me; it's a major reason I homeschooled in the first place. I smugly expect my plan to be ideal.;)

 

The co-op I belong to is all enrichment (except they do have a high school tutorial that is credit classes). So, every semester, I can choose from a variety of "specials," such as dance, P.E., martial arts, drawing, knitting, Lego engineering, photography (I teach that one!), chorus, drama, etc. The offerings vary and some of the teachers are in-house, while others are outside teachers. Over the years, there have been awesome classes and not-super-awesome classes offered, but there has almost always been a good enough variety that my kids could be busy all day on co-op day. At one point, I felt that the class offerings were becoming low quality; the board member who held that job offered to resign. I took the job. So I was a board member for two years, mainly because I didn't think the system was optimal. Since my tenure, two other members have held that job and it has only gotten better and better. It is currently the best version it has ever been! :)

[JenniferB]

I think by CC, you mean Classical Conversations? To refresh your memory, I test out as an ambiguous INT/FJ. In fact, I did the test again when you started this thread and I came out INTJ this time, but right on the border in T/F as always. :) I am a girl who loves an organized system, and I can very much relate to what you are saying here. The co-op I belong to is enrichment-based. It is the only reason I have happily meshed there for so many years. I have considered other co-ops before, including a CC one and a Classical one (I drool over the idea that they have Latin there!) However, I have never gone beyond reading their fact pages, because I chaffe at following someone else's plan. I know this will not suit me; it's a major reason I homeschooled in the first place. I smugly expect my plan to be ideal. ;)

 

The co-op I belong to is all enrichment (except they do have a high school tutorial that is credit classes). So, every semester, I can choose from a variety of "specials," such as dance, P.E., martial arts, drawing, knitting, Lego engineering, photography (I teach that one!), chorus, drama, etc. The offerings vary and some of the teachers are in-house, while others are outside teachers. Over the years, there have been awesome classes and not-super-awesome classes offered, but there has almost always been a good enough variety that my kids could be busy all day on co-op day. At one point, I felt that the class offerings were becoming low quality; the board member who held that job offered to resign. I took the job. So I was a board member for two years, mainly because I didn't think the system was optimal. Since my tenure, two other members have held that job and it has only gotten better and better. It is currently the best version it has ever been! :)

 

Yes, CC, meaning Classical Conversations.  The Latin gets me too.  I've tried to do Latin on my own, and...nope.  They offer it in Challenge A, which is my big kerbobble decision because that is where my middle two would go next year.  There is next to no flexibility once you get to Challenge A.  I think I will go insane, especially because the catechism is based on a book that is creationist in its rhetoric.  I don't like the way creationist books are worded with the inclusion of exclamation points ad nauseum.  They are so condescending toward the scientific community and "some Christians," in which the author is referring to my family and I.  For these reasons I'm skeptical that I can handle it.  But, there are those pulls like Latin, discussion/conversation with peers, Logic, memorizing the body parts (my daughter wants to become a nurse), memorizing the world map...All of these things seem impossible to do on our own.  Do you see how I analyze this thing to death?

[Guest]

Yes, CC, meaning Classical Conversations. The Latin gets me too. I've tried to do Latin on my own, and...nope. They offer it in Challenge A, which is my big kerbobble decision because that is where my middle two would go next year. There is next to no flexibility once you get to Challenge A. I think I will go insane, especially because the catechism is based on a book that is creationist in its rhetoric. I don't like the way creationist books are worded with the inclusion of exclamation points ad nauseum. They are so condescending toward the scientific community and "some Christians," in which the author is referring to my family and I. For these reasons I'm skeptical that I can handle it. But, there are those pulls like Latin, discussion/conversation with peers, Logic, memorizing the body parts (my daughter wants to become a nurse), memorizing the world map...All of these things seem impossible to do on our own. Do you see how I analyze this thing to death?

I do! The reasons you outline would be the deal-breakers for me, too. I just could not stand that "Real Christians Like Us" thing. One friend of mine whose DD was at the classical co-op told me Big Cheese mom there asked her why she had not been in church recently (it was because she was working!) and that sorta thing does NOT sit well with me. They also have a political issue on their website as part of their SOF. (This isn't what it is, but it is comparable to saying, 'We believe the Republican Way is the only Christian way." Another deal breaker for me.)

[Ravin]

INTJs, why do you homeschool? For the sake of the kids, do you engage with groups like co-op, CC community, play groups, field trip groups, etc? If so, how do you get along with your group? Are you able to stick with one group very long? If you don't do groups, how does that play out with the kids?

 

We homeschooled for a variety of reasons. I did engage with groups for DD's sake, but actually wound up enrolling her in an homeschool enrichment program run by the public school that didn't require me to socially engage with anybody. Gave us the best of both worlds. 

[JenniferB]

They also have a political issue on their website as part of their SOF. (This isn't what it is, but it is comparable to saying, 'We believe the Republican Way is the only Christian way." Another deal breaker for me.)

Gag!

[LMD]

Our group works because people do their own thing!

Our main social outlet this year is a weekly visit with friends (my bestie, INFJ like me), we will do an excursion/park day/insert activity roughly monthly and sometimes invite others. My DD will often catch up with a friend on this day too.

I find that as a group homeschoolers prefer to do their own thing, around here they seem to group in the early days, find their niche friends and spend less time in the big group. It's a bit of a problem for newbies, can look cliquey.

[mom2att]

I'm definitely an INTJ, and I'm like Quill in that I've been part of the same homeschool group since my oldest (now a college student) was in K. The catch is that I've also led that group for the past 10 years. It was relatively small when I took over the leadership, it's quite big now, and I've had the opportunity to make it run effectively. It is a tremendous amount of work, but very rewarding, and at least I get to choose what I devote my limited "people energy" to. Ours is also an elective co-op, though people who want to teach can teach whatever they like and often that means classes with an academic focus as well. I taught Latin for 4 years because I wanted my kids to have it and it's a lot more fun in a classroom setting. This year I am teaching a high school level U.S. History class and having a blast.

 

I guess my point is this--based on personality type, one of the difficulties of a co-op is being frustrated with someone else's efforts (or lack thereof) to make it work effectively, as well as playing by someone else's rules/schedule/etc. For me being the one in charge has been the solution. We've built a great community over the years and it's been a very rewarding experience.

 

 

[DawnM]

You know, I am normally an extrovert, but many of the HS stuff I have been involved with in the last few years has made me more and more NOT extroverted.  I really don't care to be with those people.  The cliques, the gossip, the one upsmanship, and on and on.  

 

It isn't everyone, but it is enough of a group to make me cringe.  

 

I have HSed for the kids, particularly for my son with special needs.  

[....]

A hs group I am part of, I helped lead with another lovely lady - who is INTJ! Lol, it was very much a case of stepping up because no one else was doing a competent job. 

 

That's actually one of our characteristics.  We tend to overthrow authority figures when we see them as incompetent (and then let more extroverted personalities take over after we fixed things).  In the past (at work), I've done that several times without realizing it.

[Zinnia]

I am ISFJ.  Similar in some ways, different in some.  My dh is an INTJ, though his I and E are almost equal.

 

We homeschool because of specific needs (gifted with ds #1, dyslexia with ds #2).  I loved being a school parent.  It was a great fit for me.  I got to be part of something bigger than myself, in small, manageable ways.  Wasn't in charge of anything.  It was awesome.  And dh liked being a school parent, too, probably because he was mostly sheltered from the nonsense part of things by me.  lol

[shawthorne44]

...For years, people thought I was just a closet smoker. I never smoked; I could just never handle the emotions of large groups of women. ...

 

Oh, yes, the auxiliary smokers club.  I am a member.   I actually hate smoking, don't want to be around it or breath it.   But, those crowds of people can get so overwhelming!   So at a party, I spend lots of time with the smokers.  

 

I never knew that about INTJ leading when the leaders are incompetent.  I have totally done that.  

 

It is so hard having an E daughter.  I don't think I could have survived her preschool years without McDonald's play areas.  

[Momling]

I'm not really into the Myers-Briggs test. Maybe it seems just a step or two away from zodiac signs or something? (As in... "I'm like this because I'm a Scorpio" or an INTJ or whatever) Also... why 16 personality types?

 

That said, I always end up as an INTJ when I try those online quizzes (that I scoff at and then do anyway).

 

I homeschool because I do a better job of meeting one of my daughter's needs than the local school did, because it's good for our relationship, and because I like teaching someone eager to learn. I don't homeschool my other daughter for the same reasons -- I can not meet her needs as well as the local school does, it wouldn't be good for our relationship and I don't like teaching a person who does not really want to learn.

 

As for co-ops, it's not much of a thing here. There's a Christian group who probably wouldn't welcome me, and some crunchy mamas who I wouldn't fit in well with either. We've done classes at the local alternative school. At first I tried to participate and such, but neither my daughter nor I are into the cliques and politics and have been happier without it.

Edited January 6, 2016 by Momling

[kbutton]

I like being part of a community, but I don't like the restraints I feel, whether real or imagined, to follow someone else's plan.  I get bogged down with questioning everything and analyzing everything.  I'm constantly thinking about how to improve the program.  I'm pretty sure it's an INTJ personality trait to not be tied down to anyone else's plan, and I'm wondering if I should just face the music and live within my personality confines and not sign up for a group next year, at least one that has a plan I must follow, even if somewhat loosely.  I need to come to terms with how I can and cannot function well.  I get so kerbobbled when I'm tied down to someone else's plan.  Tell me it's ok to be me.  Tell me if you have overcome a similar struggle to be your INTJ self. 

 

We are part of a small co-op of four families. I have a lot of say in how things are done, and I teach 2/3 of the subjects we cover for the middle grades. Co-op is compartmentalized--the subjects are in distinct categories and amounts, so we all know what else we need to cover at home, but not so self-contained that they are "extra" or simply elective subjects for fluff. The kids have small amounts of homework, but it doesn't derail plans at home. We try to structure co-op so that the kids get the benefits of studying something together that is often more fun together or that's easier to do in a group for some reason. Or stuff that we tend to not get to at home if we don't have someone cajoling us to do it.

 

We tweak things, discuss how it goes, tweak some more. We are committed to a general direction and a few particulars, but we can be flexible if we need to be. 

 

One reason it works is because it's on Friday, and that gives me the weekend to recharge after all the extroverting. 

 

Nearly all of the kids in the co-op have some kind of learning disability or other challenge, and I think that helps us bond as moms. We often can talk about things together that we can't speak about freely in other venues.