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We have some negativity issues going on and I'm not sure how to handle it. Here is some history-

My dad just turned five. She has been a difficult toddler/preschooler. She has/had daily meltdownsa-they used to happen several times everyday and they would last anywhere from 20-60 minutes, but recently they've gotten less frequent and intense, usually one bigger one per day and a couple of smaller ones. She also had night terrors every night for almost two years. At first it was 2-4 times per night, then 1-2. We figured out how to help her through those, and she had her last one about six months ago. We had her evaluated by an OT for sensory issues. She is sensory seeking for vestibular, proprioceptive, and tactile and sensory avoiding for some auditory, olfactory, and touch.she eats fine. She toe walks. When we meet her sensory needs, this is better, but it is still a daily thing. We have her off all food dyes, and I noticed a huge huge difference after we stopped those.

Here is my question. Before we started the sensory stuff, she was such a miserable child. Just always whining, crying, screaming, ect. Those things are much improved, but she is still so so negative! She will draw a picture, show it to me while simultaneously saying "I know you hate it." Or "I know it's terrible." She will got to gymnastics, coop, whatever, have fun during the class (I peek) but inevitably she hates it before we go in, and hates it when I ask how it was afterwards. If she does a cartwheel, as I'm saying how great it was, she will go on and on about how terrible it was. If we are going to the park, she says how boring it is. If we go to XYZ she goes on about how she just knows it will be awful. If I say the sky is blue, she says no, it's white and turquoise. If I say something is so yummy, she says its gross. If I slice her orange one way, she wants it the exact opposite, even though she had it the first way last time. She just has such a strong need to be negative or oppositional. Ironically, she isn't 'badly behaved'. That's not the right term, but I can't think of a better way to put it. She does cooperate as much as a five year old can. She is kind and sweet for the most part. If I say she isn't allowed to do something, she will probably get upset or angry, but she doesn't go and do it anyway. So it's not so much behavior as it is a negative mindset.

 

How do I deal with that? I've started preemptively saying I want to hear one positive thing first, before any negative comments. Or when she says I'll think something she made/did is terrible, I stop and ask her if I've actually said that or not, and not to put words into my mouth. I've stopped asking about coop or gym class, I can clearly see her smiling and participating during class, so I know she's fine. I have never encountered another child, so young, and so negative. Could this be an indication of something else? If so, what would I be looking for/at? I don't even know where to start!

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She sounds a lot like my son. He does have anxiety that presents as negative behaviors.

 

I just blow off the negative comments. When he calls his cartwheel crappy, I tell him he can think what he wants, but I thought it was decent. I can't call it a great cartwheel because it's one of the 3 skills holding him back from moving up to the next class, but it wasn't as bad as he's trying to say.

 

When he messes up his concert songs, I let him know that because he's a great drummer and improvised, no one in the audience had any clue and thought he was great. I don't let him focus on the mess ups. I just keep reminding him that he used his skills and kept playing, just like he's been taught to do.

 

When his food is wrong, I just say oh well, you can help next time and make it your way.

 

It took over a year before my son would go to his drum lessons without tantrums and complaining. Now, three years in, and I'm finally allowed to praise him. He's an amazing drummer and thanks me often for ignoring the tantrums and forcing him to go. His drum teacher has always been able to praise, but it's quick "yeah, man! GREAT job! Now let's try this..."

 

For years I wouldn't ask or even give him time to talk about an activity. So after gymnastics I'd have a snack ready and just start talking about what the rest of the day looked like.

 

Several years ago we went on a cruise. A CRUISE! In the middle of winter, to the Bahamas, where we were swimming in the ocean! The entire time, my son was negative. He talks about it positively now, but it was a trying week.

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