Help me think this through - a space for dh

[Serenade]

If I had an extra 20k just hanging around looking for a purpose, I could have the basement refinished for reals and then we'd have tons of extra space and I could give him a whole room down there.

 

Oh, who am I kidding, I need that money to repoint the back of the house so it doesn't completely collapse.

 

Oh double who am I kidding... if I had that money, we'd just use it to go to India or something.

 

 

My DH made himself a very small office in the unfinished basement of our old house.  He is handy, so it was not too difficult for him, but I'm wondering if you could just pay someone to frame it out for you and then you could probably do the rest -- it sounds like you are handy enough to do that.  It really shouldn't take more than a day for someone to frame out a small room.

 

My DH basically did his room with stuff from Home Depot.   It wasn't fancy, but it didn't cost much.  

[Carrie12345]

My own dream space happens to be a nicely done shed.  We recently built a big shed, and I was so, so sad to put all our storage stuff in there!

 

Not only does it reduce if not eliminate other people's noise, but I know my people would be much more likely to figure out their own needs/questions when I'm not within yelling range!

[lmrich]

See how much it would be to fix the 1/2 bath. It would be an investment in your home to have another working bathroom. If it is reasonable. I would put the boys down there with a room divider. There are many options that will not cost $$$, but they involve good luck with 2nd hand stuff.  It might take more time. Of course the boys could use the bathroom on the main floor  until you have enough money to pay for the bathroom. 

[gardenmom5]

I just wanted to add - we have an understairs closet off the family room - and I set it up for toy storage.  I wanted it to be as easy to get out and put away toys as it could be.  when the bigs were young, we did have a play kitchen that stayed out - too big.  we also had an unfinished basement where they could build and destroy.  we even had a glider hanging from the ceiling.

[City Mouse]

My husband has a shed in the back yard. It is one of those pre-fab ones that comes already built. He added insulation, Sheetrock, heat, water and Internet. It doesn't have a bathroom or I think he would never come in. We did pay to have an electrician do the electrical, but he did the rest mostly by himself.

[Danestress]

I think your DH needs to brainstorm this. A lot of what works will be based in his preferences, and it sounds like there is no perfect solution. Now you feel responsible for making his desires come to be, but I think he needs to come up with the ideas, then you can do the practical part.

[Melinda in VT]

I can see why your husband wants his own space--everyone in the family has personal space except him.

 

Can you use bookshelves, curtains, etc., to create sleeping space in the basement for one of the boys? Then your husband can use the freed-up bedroom as his space.

 

That keeps the play area in the basement, where it won't disturb your husband's sleep and where it can accommodate a group of boys. It also gives your husband private space that won't be disturbed by playing kids.

[justasque]

I definitely don't have those skills. That bathroom has a very weird non-functioning shower with a really gross door and a broken toilet. Not broken like doesn't work but broken like smashed. I wish. I mean, I could try, I guess. But whatever I do probably needs to come in for a reasonable cost. I mean, if I do things that actually upgrade the basement, I can probably justify spending several hundred dollars. But that spends so fast on a home project...

 

The shower would be a complex project, but the broken toilet would be easy to fix.  You can get a new one for $150, give or take fifty bucks.  There are a bunch of

that give you the basics of installation.  You basically turn off the water, undo the screws at the base, remove the old toilet, scrape out the old wax ring, then do all those things in reverse to put in the new toilet.  In our experience, it really is pretty easy, and a good beginner project.  You've got two boys who like construction toys and eventually are likely to be homeowners themselves, so a group effort would be a good plan.  Post pics here and you are likely to get good advice about whether it would be wise to take out the shower before installing the toilet, etc.  Having another usable bathroom will become key to family sanity as your boys enter the teen years.

 

Bathroom aside, I think the basement is the way to go.  Whether you divide the space, make rules about toy use, or carve new space out of your storage area, a basement can give a cozy, retreat feel to dh's space.  I'd probably want to create a flexible division of space (curtains, furniture grouping, etc.), so that for parties, teen sleepovers, and the like, you can use the larger space if needed.  

 

A cement floor can be painted, then put down an area rug to define the space.  "Walls" can be made with IKEA-type furniture.

 

 

Maybe I need a trip to IKEA...

 

Never a bad idea....

Edited November 21, 2015 by justasque

[brehon]

If I couldn't finish out the basement (to include the bathroom) and divide it into teen space & dad space for whatever reason, I'd probably move one of the boys into the basement. Like Melinda, I'd scavenge bookcases, curtains, room dividers, etc to carve out a space and move my son's stuff down there. This way you still have the toys, foosball table, etc out of the way. Then I'd redesign the now empty bedroom into dh's space.

 

I also agree with Danestress that I'd brainstorm with dh about what he wants. It might "ruin" the Christmas surprise; however, your dh will get what he envisions.

 

You mentioned that one of your sons has anxiety and insomnia. Would the other son be OK moving to the basement? I know my ds14 would big puffy heart love (in a 14 yo boy way ;) ) a space like that!

[Chris in VA]

Basement wins in my book. Bookshelves to define a space, throw rug, a lamp and a desk with chair. Maybe 6 X 10. Chair http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20293460/

 

Bookshelves http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S79017837/#/S69023377

[happypamama]

I think I would see about putting a desk, comfy chair, and maybe a single bed in part of the basement for your husband. I would move some of the toys to the boys' rooms, but I'd keep some of them in the basement as well. That way, everyone would have maximum flexibility. DH could sleep up in the master or in the basement. He could have his little man cave in the basement. The boys could play in the basement or in their rooms, whichever is opposite of where your DH is.

 

I do think it's nice to make the sort of space your DH wants. My DH and kids play guitar, and DH works from home sometimes (during the day), so they need a computer and space where they won't disturb anyone or be disturbed themselves. So we turned a big square hallway into a small but very nice and very functional office/music room. The guitars live there, and so does the computer for the guitars and for DH's work. DD sometimes works in there when DH isn't there so that she can listen to music but not be disturbed by fifty (lol, so it seems sometimes) little brothers running around. And there's a futon for guests or for the occasional insomniac (I think I'm the only one whose has used it, and it was only once, but I was tossing and turning and didn't want to disturb DH). Flexibility in spaces seems to be a definite key for us.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd fix up the basement for DH and include a bed for quieter daytime naps. Once the boys are older, you can swap them downstairs and have an office for DH and schoolroom upstairs. Start saving to fix that bathroom. It'll be so convenient all around. Even if you just fix the sink and toilet and wait for the shower, it'll be worth it and much cheaper to start. Put up a curtain to hide the broken shower. Later, when you do the swap, it'll just be a matter of moving furniture. If you must store lesser-used toys downstairs, just make sure they're in a cabinet or behind a curtain so they don't supply visual clutter.

[TammyS]

I definitely don't have those skills. That bathroom has a very weird non-functioning shower with a really gross door and a broken toilet. Not broken like doesn't work but broken like smashed. I wish. I mean, I could try, I guess. But whatever I do probably needs to come in for a reasonable cost. I mean, if I do things that actually upgrade the basement, I can probably justify spending several hundred dollars. But that spends so fast on a home project...

 

You could definitely partition the basement for a few hundred dollars.  If you can cut & nail, you can do it yourself.  2x4 lumber for the wall frames, paneling for the wall covering (it's not as nice as drywall, but far easier to handle....you can definitely paint it if you don't like the look), and some insulation for sound dampening.  This is much more doable than you think, because the house structure is already set.  You aren't building load bearing walls, you're just making a barrier for visual and sound purposes.

 

Once the room is built, I think it will be easy to convince the kids to reduce their toys to the ones they love, because they are going to have a lot less space than before.

[Guest]

You go sleep in the basement since having the kids play there won't jack with your sleep schedule. Give your dh the master. Keep plugging away improving the basement to how you like it, and how the whole family actually uses the space.

[Mimm]

No kitchen table. Our kitchen is big for a house of this style, but not big enough for a table. I feel like we definitely need the dining room. I suppose I could carve out a corner for him... but it would be tight. And if we're schooling, he wouldn't be able to get to it. And if we left a mess, it would bug him (though I have finally, finally trained him to ask me to clean it up and not to make one giant stack of everything he sees... that takes for-freaking-ever to sort out - actually cleaning it up takes just a few minutes).

 

Is there any way to move the homeschool area into the basement, spend your few hundred dollars making it a nicer space for you guys, purge some of the toys and whatever else is down there, and then give part of the dining room over to your husband so he has his space, the dining room is still available for eating (unless you simply don't use it for that in which case he could probably have all of it)?

[elegantlion]

I would use the basement space and divide it with IKEA Kallax as suggested above. Have the boys prioritize toys and use some of the keepers but seldom used toys to decorate the tops of the shelves. You could even go two deep with shelving having one side be for dh and the other for the playroom. 

 

First I think it would be important to have dh determine what he needs to be in the space furniture wise, like a desk and file cabinets or other shelving or seating. 

[kroe1]

I just bought a small Class B RV so I can sleep at the hospital where I work. DH and I realize this has added an extra room to the house, one I can take up to McDonald's for lunch.

[BlsdMama]

My DH made himself a very small office in the unfinished basement of our old house.  He is handy, so it was not too difficult for him, but I'm wondering if you could just pay someone to frame it out for you and then you could probably do the rest -- it sounds like you are handy enough to do that.  It really shouldn't take more than a day for someone to frame out a small room.

 

My DH basically did his room with stuff from Home Depot.   It wasn't fancy, but it didn't cost much.

 

 

 

We're finding out basement right now and while I'd consider us fairly handy, this was NOTHING we had ever tried. You Tube can teach you anything, lol, including drywalling and mudding. Assuming you don't have a heavy duty bailout, you could rent one or hire just the framing. It would be a cool project for the boys to help with. Grin. I have never done anything remotely like this and I've been surprised how not overwhelming it has been. (I would hire texturing though because we are really bad at that.....)

 

 

I think your DH needs to brainstorm this. A lot of what works will be based in his preferences, and it sounds like there is no perfect solution. Now you feel responsible for making his desires come to be, but I think he needs to come up with the ideas, then you can do the practical part.

My main concern is will he even like being in the basement? Some people really don't like basement spaces. I really think a brainstorming session is in order. Let's face it, your husband deserves a space in the home. Could you do a play space in the basement with kid stuff and space but beds in the same room with a divider? A sleepless kiddo could hang out in the basement but still have his bed upstairs? (Unless you have egress Windows I wouldn't put a kid sleep space in the basement.)

 

I think you're right to make this a priority for him. It really shows respect for his feelings and needs.

[Farrar]

Thanks for all the ideas guys.

 

When he asked we talked about it a little. He said he thought the basement was probably the only possibility but he wasn't sure what was possible. And he said he wanted a desk and a comfy, quiet spot. Trust me when I say I don't need to talk to him any further. Really, dh has zero idea of home organization or anything. It's a consequence of his upbringing, I assume. You can't move in his parents' house. They're not hoarders... but... well, there might be a genetic component to this. Years ago dh gave up helping with this stuff. He'll be muscle to help me hang stuff or do projects but I have to direct them in every way.

 

I think really what it boils down to is that it's time to repurpose the basement to become something else.

 

Option 1: Move the school room to the basement. Share the dining room with dh as a more adult space.

Pro: Probably the easiest option - we mostly just need a table and to move some shelves. Probably pretty cheap - no need to redo the rooms. Could keep a lot of the toys and not move them. Would possibly clear out the main floor and make it less kid centered.

Con: Makes all the spaces upstairs a little better and more dh-friendly but doesn't give dh his own special spot really so it's more of a home reorganization and less of a "gift." Also, realistically, gives me more places to clean - right now, I don't have to clean the basement much - it's just messy and every once in awhile we tidy it up. If it was the school space, I'd need to be on it but I wouldn't be able to stop cleaning the living and dining rooms.

 

Option 2: Partition the basement and make it part kid space, but part dh space

Pro: Gives dh his space. Could potentially include a futon so it would solve our guest room problem (I'm pretty sure dh would be okay with giving it up for our occasional guests). Since it would dh's space, he'd keep it clean, not me (except for dusting and vacuuming - poor dh doesn't know how).

Con: Potentially a pricier solution - more need to be handy and more need for different furniture.

 

Option 3: Turn the basement into "kid den" and kick the kids out of the living/dining room space

Pro: As the kids get older, this is the space they really want, I think - a place to play video games, lounge on the sofa and program on their laptops, hang with friends away from the adults. It would provide a better place for the board games (they're in the living room) and some of the toys could stay. Doesn't require partitions. Could still take a futon bed possibly.

Con: More cleaning for me again - even if I make the kids do it, realistically I'm overseeing it and a den would need to be cleaner to be used than a messy play room. Like Option 1, makes the main floor spaces better for dh but doesn't give him his own special spot.

 

 

 

 

[DragonFaerie]

Personally, I like the idea of making two rooms for the boys in the basement and then repurposing their existing bedrooms for DH and yourself (you could make one for DH and the other as a guest room/room for you).  The boys would still have their separate rooms but be sharing the basement space instead of having bedrooms and a playroom.  An added benefit to that would be that the main level of the house might stay neater if the boys and all their stuff were downstairs in the basement.

Edited November 21, 2015 by DragonFaerie

[BlsdMama]

You know... I don't know how feasible it is, but is it possible you've just outgrown your house at this point?  Would a move be a logical option that could give you what you're seeking affordably?

[Farrar]

You know... I don't know how feasible it is, but is it possible you've just outgrown your house at this point?  Would a move be a logical option that could give you what you're seeking affordably?

 

Hahaha.

 

This house is absurdly large for around here. The kitchen is giant compared to other rowhouses. There's a window in the side rooms. A window. Like, wow. It has both a small front and a small back yard and on top of that it even has parking. Parking. Off street. We're in a great position with it - we could probably get three times what we paid (being the first gentrifiers in is a good decision if you're willing to put up with a few years of sketchy crime in sight...) but to get anything bigger we'd need to move out of the city or into a really different sort of neighborhood that I doubt we'd like or couldn't afford. Basically, until we decide not to live this sort of life (walkable, subway accessible, etc.) we need to stay here. I think if we sold this place, it would likely be subdivided into two condos. That's been the general movement recently.

[sbgrace]

I have boys of a similar age who have to sleep in their own individual rooms and a similarly small home with a basement. When we moved in, we were doing so much work in the basement that it was off limits for a full winter. It was torture for me. Having a place where they can go with their ruckus/noise when they can't go outside is vital for me. So whatever you do, I would prioritize leaving enough of that basement for their play.

 

Do you have enough room in the basement to set up a little space for hubby in the unfinished part...maybe a using bookshelves as walls? A chair, lamp and writing type desk (Ikea has mount on the wall/bookshelf? pull down ones) would be heaven for my hubby and wouldn't take up a lot of space. You could spray paint the ceiling and put down an area rug if you wanted it to feel a bit more finished. Alternatively, could a child's bed go down there as just a sleeping only space, leaving that child's bedroom as hubby's space?  One of mine could probably handle that but my poor sleeper couldn't. The remaining bedroom would be sleeping space for one child be living/storage space for both during the day.

[Guest]

I had friends who were empty nesters and they turned the living room into their bedroom, the dining room into the living room, the bedrooms into 2 offices and a darkroom. I know this isn't your exact situation. It's more like permission to think outside the box.

 

Another family has all the kids in one bedroom, another bedroom is the playroom, another the home chapel, another the master br and the LR is the main living space. There is a 5th br which is seeing and crafts and guest.

[Farrar]

I have boys of a similar age who have to sleep in their own individual rooms and a similarly small home with a basement. When we moved in, we were doing so much work in the basement that it was off limits for a full winter. It was torture for me. Having a place where they can go with their ruckus/noise when they can't go outside is vital for me. So whatever you do, I would prioritize leaving enough of that basement for their play.

 

Yes. Thank you. I think I need to prioritize that.

[Farrar]

So... I'm sort of leaning toward making it more of a den but that can be for all of us. I think just having a second "living room" type space will help a ton and that way I can subdivide with bookcases instead of proper walls.

[justasque]

So... I'm sort of leaning toward making it more of a den but that can be for all of us. I think just having a second "living room" type space will help a ton and that way I can subdivide with bookcases instead of proper walls.

 

I think this is a good plan.  Might also be wise to discuss "Dad's space", and how everyone will be accountable for leaving it clutter-free.  That is, if you need a quiet space, it's OK if you use Dad's space (if he is not in it, obvs), but it needs to be left exactly as it was found - "pack it in, pack it out", "leave no trace" style.  And if this doesn't happen, then it might become a Dad-(and Mom)-only space.

[cera2]

Could you make the space in the basement with the piano into a space for your dh?  Move the piano into the master bedroom if there is space or into the main part of the basement and give him that room to relax in.  

My second choice would be to find a way to refinish the basement into two bedrooms, a working bathroom (might not be as hard as you think) and a lounge space.  Turn it into the kid are and repurpose the upstairs for the adults.  It would probably pay off in increased home value as well.

[Stacia]

Sort of OT from your original question, but...

 

It sounds like some of your hesitation in creating a second space (esp. if it becomes the homeschool &/or child or family space) in the basement is that you'll have yet another space to clean.

 

Is it feasible for you to hire a cleaning person to come once every two or three weeks to do dusting, mopping, vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, etc...? It would be cheaper than having someone every week but might be often enough to give you a break & help keep on top of stuff overall.

[Farrar]

Cleaning is cruddy.

 

I think if it's getting used it'll be okay. I have trouble getting to the spaces that aren't in heavy use by me. Thus, the living, dining, kitchen, and bathrooms get plenty of attention. My room (which is also dh's room) is a bit of a mess. There's always someone sleeping in there so it's hard to just be in there and clean it. The basement playroom and kids' rooms I'm not in enough. Same with the storage room in the basement. And really, same with the back patio. I don't hang out there a ton, thus it's often messy.

 

Hiring someone would be nice. We could probably swing it if I really wanted to, but as with anything money, something else must be sacrificed. I'd rather just buckle down.

[Kat w]

Is the basement at a point where just 1 of your boys could move down there for a cool big kid pad?

 

Then frees up that sons room for dh space.

 

Maybe take an objective look around. Sometimes we realize over thought that the thing we thougjt was off the table could jus b used in a different way. Maybe?

[bettyandbob]

I'd be hesitant to move a kid to the basement, especially one who is a preteen/ young teen. If I understand the OPs house, that would put two floors between child and the rest of the family. I just don't like someone being that out of earshot. The OPs basement has front and back entrance to the outside. This would make it easy to sneak out. This is not say the OPs children would do that or that doing so ever crossed their minds, I just don't like a set up that makes acting on impulsive bad judgement easy--not during ages where impulse control is low. Maybe an older teen in the basement would be ok.

 

If the room is not easily divided for comfortable dad space and playroom, I'd move school area from the dining room yo the play room and make dads space in the dining room. To do this, you still have to spend quite a bit of time cleaning/clearing the playroom. So, I'd just start working on the playroom and then review the possibilities.

[Farrar]

It would only sort of put two floors between a kid and the rest of us - in reality, dh is awake and working all night on the main floor.

 

But I'm pretty sure neither kid would be willing to move anyway.

[Carol in Cal.]

Have you seen those biggish computer desks that close up to look like an armoire?

Maybe something like that would give your DH a 'carrel' like feel when it's open, the doors acting like blinders to the rest of the room.  You could put it in the basement or in the living room.  Add noise cancelling head phones and a comfortable desk chair, and he is all set, in his own little world.

[Alice]

We have friends who effectively divided off a downstairs family room with Ikea bookcases, creating a bedroom for one of their kids (they have 7). ;) They used the Expedit bookcases but I think Ikea no longer has those. Looks like the Kallax are the same. Since they are open on both sides they were able to use both sides of the case but in each "room" if that makes sense. So then the divider was also a functional piece of furniture. 

 

[Cinder]

I just want to say thanks for this thread--it's helped me figure out a space for my dh. He didn't outright ask for one, but he has mentioned on occasion that he doesn't have a good spot. What it boils down to is us trading spaces to use those spaces in a more meaningful, effective way. He likes the idea and we're now figuring out how to set up our new spaces. It's something I hadn't even considered until I read through this thread.

 

Thanks all! :thumbup1:

[Farrar]

I just want to say thanks for this thread--it's helped me figure out a space for my dh. He didn't outright ask for one, but he has mentioned on occasion that he doesn't have a good spot. What it boils down to is us trading spaces to use those spaces in a more meaningful, effective way. He likes the idea and we're now figuring out how to set up our new spaces. It's something I hadn't even considered until I read through this thread.

 

Thanks all! :thumbup1:

 

Oh yay!

 

I am happily sketching little basement floor plans, trying to figure out how to semi (with the new Expedits... gosh, Ikea, why mess with a good thing!) divide it up and make it work as a sort of everyone den with a corner for dh. I think I'll probably put a second TV down there and make that our big family Christmas gift. Except, hilariously, another thread I started convinced me that I needed to get us a fire pit and make THAT our family Christmas gift! Way more money than I meant to spend on Christmas. But that's okay. And I can just give dh homemade things to unwrap properly.

[Peaceful Isle]

Haven't read all the replies, so I don't know if this was mentioned. 

 

Why don't you let the boys share the big bedroom, and you and your dh could get one of the little bedrooms.  You could get a room divider for the boys to make it semi private.

 

Then you could make the other bedroom into an office for him at night and a schoolroom for you by day. That way, the rest of the house could stay more tidy for your dh. The schoolroom could stay on one half of the room, and cleaned after each school day, and that would leave the other side of the room untouched for your dh. Just a thought :)

Edited November 22, 2015 by peaceful isle

[Amy in NH]

I didn't read all the responses, and I know you may not like this idea, but what I'd do is give the two kids the larger bedroom, move the master into a smaller bedroom, and use the third for dh's office.

[kiwik]

Tell him he will have to wait until one of the kids leaves home.

[nd293]

I am happily sketching little basement floor plans, trying to figure out how to semi (with the new Expedits... gosh, Ikea, why mess with a good thing!)

Have you looked at the Ikea Hackers website for ideas? They have at least one very sophisticated plan to create a room within a larger space using Ikea furniture. I assume there must be others too. Anyway, it's a fun website to browse!

[abacus2]

We have a three bedroom house, three girls, and my DH works from home 3 days a week. We ended up giving the girls the giant master bedroom to share, while dh has an office and we have a smaller bedroom. It has worked well for us.

[Shellydon]

I would kick the kids out of the basement.  If they each have their own rooms, then all the toys can go up their.  My kids all share rooms and there is no playroom.  Their stuff stays in their room.  

Edited November 25, 2015 by Shellydon