vent

[jenadina]

:angry: I am so SICK AND TIRED of people assuming I am PUSHING my child just because he is working ahead of grade level!!! :banghead:

 

That is all.

[nmoira]

:angry: I am so SICK AND TIRED of people assuming I am PUSHING my child just because he is working ahead of grade level!!! :banghead:

 

:grouphug:

 

The couple times I've heard this, I've responded, "I wish I had time to push, but I'm too busy trying to keep up."

[JenneinCA]

I have been there.

 

I am not pushing my children I am trying desperately to KEEP UP!

[Jenny in Florida]

I've listened to those insinuations for years, and it used to drive me nuts, especially since the truth was that I was getting dragged along by the child in question and was doing all I could just to hang on! Push. Right, like I had the energy for that!

 

In the end, though, I decided that "lving well is the best revenge." Anyone that couldn't understand or didn't believe us wasn't worth my time to try and correct. And, since I was confident I was doing what we best for my child(ren), I just let their obvious happiness and good health (emotional and otherwise) speak for themselves.

[Blessedfamily]

Excuse me? I thought gifted people would be cool with a first grader doing fifth grade work if he/she wants to? I wasted no time hanging around there :auto:.

[Mommy22alyns]

I hear ya. I keep saying, "It's not pushing if your child is leading the way!"

[Desert Rat]

Yep, I'm right there with you! They're just jealous! ;o) Really, sometimes this "gift" feels so much more like a burden. I feel like telling the people who believe I'm pushing to please give me a break and try to teach this child!

[elizabeth]

 

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/ridiculous_things.htm Agreat list and fantastic website that kept my sanity and encouraged me to see giftedness as just one more part of what makes dd who she is-it does not define her sum total at all. It is exhausting but exhilirating as well. However, I feel much better now that we do not do any activites etc that are governed by age/grade. It is a waste of time and bores dd so we do other things that involve a range of ages-8 to 80 far better fir fitting in -we join based on interest rather than age mates. That is particularly unpleasant for both of us.

[KAR120C]

If they know absolutely that their own child would never have independently arrived at the point yours has, they assume it must have taken a great effort on your part... and nevermind that a great effort would almost certainly have failed anyway -- Gifted or not, DS isn't really under my control any more than any other kid. As Exhibit One I give you the laundry scattered through the family room, bathroom and hall. Apparently repeating myself a million billion times isn't enough to get "pick up your laundry" through that little head!!! Every single night at this time I say "darling child, please pick up your clothes" and every single night he looks at me as though he'd never thought of it before. But one run through how standard deviations are calculated and he can spot an error from a mile away... and this is clearly pushing?? :001_huh:

 

But I digress. ;)

 

After pushing comes "you must be such a good teacher" (which is polite of course, but also misguided -- I'm a terrible teacher unless the student is particularly apt and can fill in the details I forgot to mention... there's always something...) and then my personal favorite "well I guess if you only have one kid you can give them all the attention they want". Right. Because clearly I have nothing else to do all day but fawn over my darling boy. I mean, he is darling and all, but really! I'm taking classes myself right now, tutoring other people's kids, dealing with roofing contractors, spent a whole afternoon last week just getting across town because my car died, and another whole afternoon today between playing phone tag with the mechanic and then arranging a ride to go get it... Oh and I cooked supper. It was delicious. DS was lucky all that got dumped on his plate from mine was building and programming a model for our Lego Mindstorms group tomorrow. And picking up his laundry!!!

 

Someday I'll get him to do my homework for me. Then people can explain to me how I managed to get so pushy that I could teach him things I don't even know myself. :D

[Blessedfamily]

... "It's not pushing if your child is leading the way!"

 

Hey,

Maybe they need the physics book my DD studied when she turned 4 Yrs. Old! It teaches the difference between a "push" and a "pull". (Forces, you know?):D

[jonnia]

When my ds was still not quite 5 years old, a teacher that worked afternoons in a school supply store asked about the materials I had on the counter to purchase. She became terribly upset to find out that my little one was actually reading already and proceeded to give me a heated lecture in front of everyone about teaching him his letter sounds earlier than I should have! I mumbled something about her giving me something to consider, and I left with my mouth hanging open. The intensity of her response had me too afraid to say anything more!

[jenadina]

You all have made me feel so much better!

 

I don't know if my son would be qualified as gifted or not, but he is definitely bright and there's nothing I can do about it except help him learn what he wants to know...when he begged to learn to read at 2.5, what was I supposed to do? Ignore him? So I bought the leapfrog videos, thinking that would hold him. When he had the letter sounds and names down pat, he came to me and again asked to learn to read, so I bought a phonics book and we worked on it. He now reads at a 5th grade + reading level at 5 years and 2 months old, and reads aloud with better expression than I do! He's also a natural speller who can spell a word after seeing it just a couple of times. I can't imagine making him go to Kindergarten this year, where he would have to do it all over again from the beginning.

 

The ONLY thing I push him to do is penmanship practice, which he hates, but he's improving by leaps and bounds and is starting to see why he has to practice ;)

 

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for sharing...you really lifted me up!

 

~Jenadina

[KAR120C]

The ONLY thing I push him to do is penmanship practice, which he hates, but he's improving by leaps and bounds and is starting to see why he has to practice ;)

 

I definitely push penmanship practice!! And you're right -- it's so clear after just a little while that practice really does make a difference. Same is true with DS's flute practice, typing practice, and languages. The more he does the easier it is and the better he gets!

 

I think we (generic we/ parents of gifted kids) sometimes worry too much about pushing and err on the side of not-quite-enough-challenge, especially in areas that aren't particular strengths. It's easy to say "oh well he's a math kid - I guess writing just isn't his thing" and let things slide. Or in areas of particular strength to say "well he understands the concept, he doesn't need to memorize the facts." And to a certain extent and for a certain amount of time I think this is fine... but not to extremes and not forever. It won't kill them to work at something that doesn't come naturally, and I think it's good exercise for future challenges.

 

Our big thing this year is memorizing maps (not the draw the world by heart thing, just "where's Morocco and what's it next to?"). He started out hating it. Really hating it. And thoroughly convinced that he just couldn't do it. But you know what? Two weeks in, eleven coutries and six bodies of water later? He's getting it! And now it's fun! And when we were at the AAA office a few days ago for something else, he saw a Morocco Guidebook in a display and said "Morocco! That's in North Africa! Morocco-Algeria-Tunisia-Libya-Egypt-Sudan-Eritrea-Djibouti-Ethiopia-Somalia-Kenya!" Woohoo!!

 

I just love being able to come back and say, "You know what? You thought you couldn't do that, but here you are after a few weeks of practice and you're doing great! It took some work but see what you got out of it all??" I just hope he files that away in his mind for when he's off in college and has to talk himself into meeting challenges without me to cheer him on!

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

hate the "you are such a good teacher" thing!!!

 

I also hate the assumption that my kid has no childhood just because she is studying some higher level material. Um- my kid does an hour of math a day and so does yours?:confused: How in the heck does higher level material prevent my kid from playing afterward?:confused:

 

There are some dense people out there. One kid's grandmother was telling me about this poor boys AIG program at school. It is so wonderful. He has to do his homework from the regular math class and his accelerated math class too. I asked her why he was being punished with double the workload instead of just being accelerated to the proper level and she said, "Kids don't need to be pushed and the extra work is good for him."

 

Yet, my dd, who has plenty of free time to play, enjoy hobbies and interests, is missing out on her childhood. :glare:

[nmoira]

There are some dense people out there. One kid's grandmother was telling me about this poor boys AIG program at school. It is so wonderful. He has to do his homework from the regular math class and his accelerated math class too. I asked her why he was being punished with double the workload instead of just being accelerated to the proper level and she said, "Kids don't need to be pushed and the extra work is good for him."

 

:rant:

 

Yeah, my poor, pushed child who does no more than three hours work a day (including an hour's read aloud) and is still accelerating relative to her peers. I'm sure a few hours extra busywork each day would so engage her in learning she would be effusive in praise in her adult years about how the joy of learning was instilled in her... ooops, I mean "stilled."

 

:banghead:

 

:rant:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/ridiculous_things.htm Agreat list and fantastic website that kept my sanity and encouraged me to see giftedness as just one more part of what makes dd who she is-it does not define her sum total at all. It is exhausting but exhilirating as well. However, I feel much better now that we do not do any activites etc that are governed by age/grade. It is a waste of time and bores dd so we do other things that involve a range of ages-8 to 80 far better fir fitting in -we join based on interest rather than age mates. That is particularly unpleasant for both of us.

 

What a great list. I haven't visited Hoagies in a long time. Thanks for the reminder.

[Mommy22alyns]

I also hate the assumption that my kid has no childhood just because she is studying some higher level material. Um- my kid does an hour of math a day and so does yours?:confused: How in the heck does higher level material prevent my kid from playing afterward?:confused:

 

 

 

Oh, that one gets me too. Like the whole, "Oh, kids should be kids, so I'm not going to PUSH my child to learn their letters" - as if I chained my girls to the desk and forced them to learn.

 

Have these people ever tried to truly force a 3-5 year old to do anything? :confused: My girls look so miserable, don't they? :tongue_smilie:

[ChristineMM]

The other thing I hate is when someone says you are doing harm by having your child do work above grade level when they are gifted because what they should be doing is other/different work geared for gifted kids.

[KinderSafari]

I love this place!

 

You probably know you're doing the right thing and just can't take everything people say to heart - but sometimes it just helps to vent!!

 

I know people think these things as well, I see the looks, hear the hushed whispers, imagine the conversations....etc.

 

I just don't have time to worry about what others think!

 

Do your best - it's between, you, God, and your family.

 

Now if 99 out of 100 people start telling you you're pushing, you can listen - a bit. :)