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pressure on piano students


raindrops
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 She compared her today to her other students, saying that she wouldn't measure up if she didn't learn Minuet in G (Suzuki 2 piano) by memory. 

 

I would find another teacher because of this.

 

How old is your daughter now?  Expectations wise, the teacher might have too high an expectation for age. My kids cello teacher expects them to put in best effort to memorize their short cello pieces so that they can concentrate on the bowing. Their teacher does not demoralize/talk down to them though.

 

All my kids music teachers have always compared their skills with their abilities and nudge them to put more effort.

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I would trust your mama bear instincts. Your use of the word oppressive tells me you're clearly uncomfortable with the environment she's creating for your daughter.

 

Years from now, most children won't have blossomed into concert pianists. But they will have become the sum of their experiences. If you feel this pressure may hurt her self esteem (and eventually turn her off to music), I'd look for another teacher.

 

Your gut is speaking to you! I'm sorry you're facing this, particularly since you've had a relationship with her for years. Good luck to you!

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WOW. I can't believe she said "are you HERE today?"  What in the world?!

 

I would not allow my child to be in this situation.  I guess the mature thing to do would be to discuss the change with the teacher, to see if she has any response for why she has changed so drastically.  I admit that my own, less mature response would probably be to simply quit.  

 

I also don't like the comparison.  What's the teacher's goal?  To push her?  There are ways to push and encourage a child without playing the comparison game or creating an oppressive environment.  I really do believe that is unacceptable.  And I think Shinichi Suzuki would agree!!!!!

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My daughter's piano teacher puts a lot of pressure on my daughter at lessons.  She compared her today to her other students, saying that she wouldn't measure up if she didn't learn Minuet in G (Suzuki 2 piano) by memory.  She expected her to play it by memory today, even though we started it two weeks ago, and didn't even cover it in her lesson last week.  She stated that she should be able to memorize it in a week, and that she's not listening to it enough.  We've told her multiple times that we don't have the CD, and that we listen on youtube, but she ended the lesson again by saying, "Listen to the Cd".  My daughter is frustrated because she's doing her best while her teacher says things like, "Are you HERE today?" if she takes a moment to absorb what the teacher is saying, and then does it.  We've been with this teacher since my daughter was three.  The teacher used to be laid back, easy-going, fun...  Now, she seems to have little patience,  I don't like the tone of the lessons.  I start to feel slightly oppressed during the lessons with the unnecessary pressure and subtle put-downs.  I want her to ENJOY piano.  This teacher produces great students, but at what cost?  I want her to love piano, and esp. hoped that over the years she would develop a solid, loving rapport with her teacher.  I don't see that happening now with all the pressure, and dismissiveness, and subtle jabs.  She feels almost adversarial with my daughter in attitude, rather than on her side and supportively patient.  I don't like it.  What would you do? 

 

I would walk away. I know of a coach who was great when his kid (and my kid) were younger, but who changed over time. While I miss his well-run practices, I don't miss how mean and vindictive he got.

 

Memorization is part of Suzuki (which I'm sure you know), but the comparison to other students? That's not like any Suzuki teachers I've seen in action (minimum of 4, btw)., and if 2 weeks isn't enough, then the teacher should help your child, not berate her. 

 

Just my 2 cents. 

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You can have high standards without sounding like an a..hole. Walk away and find a new teacher!

:iagree:

 

Some kids do better with a little pushing and competition. It doesn't sound like yours is one of them, so I'd ask the teacher to cut it out. If it continued, I'd be looking to switch at the semester mark.

 

DS is a difficult piano student, and I so appreciate his teacher!

You can push a student to do better without being a jerk.  You can encourage a child with a little competitive edge without belittling them.  I wouldn't tolerate this.  I wouldn't tolerate it if I was taking lessons, so why should I tolerate it for children?

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I had a very pushy Russian piano teacher in high school, but she never belittled me. That crosses a line.

 

I just wondered, why don't you buy the CD if she asks your daughter to listen to it? (CDs are so much cheaper than teachers...)

 

Do you sit in on your daughter's class? Sometimes people (at least if they are like me) can give a skewed view of what a lesson is like...

 

My brother had a lovely teacher who turned sour - and then died suddenly of undiagnosed brain cancer. It really poisoned him for piano. 

Emily

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If you have witnessed the bad behavior, I'd pull her out now and find a new teacher.  We ditched 2 unkind piano teachers and now have one that my dd loves (I didn't realize at first that either was unkind; their true selves came out over a period of time and I was sitting in on the lessons).  She would not be playing piano at all if she'd stayed with either of the other 2.

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My daughters piano teacher is tough. Sometimes she tells her to focus harder. Sometimes she says she didn't listen and pay attention.

 

But she ALWAYS leaves smiling, she always always finds something to praise even on really bad weeks. She always shows her something beautiful or interesting and she NEVEVER EVER Never has ever mentioned another child in her presence except "my students loved this book and o think you will too.."

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It's time for a new piano teacher. Students don't need to be treated this way in order to succeed. Get your daughter out of this situation.

 

Yes. We're on our third piano teacher in four years. The current one has made all the difference. The one we had the most trouble with was a Suzuki teacher. We've left Suzuki (for all our music) and haven't looked back.

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My sons are in book 2.  The instructor does expect more of them now than she did in book 1.  The pieces are more difficult.  They take longer to master.  And yes, they are expected to play Suzuki pieces by memory.  But, she does not expect them to learn a piece in two weeks.

 

The instructor regularly asks if they are listening to the CD. From hearing the beginning and tail ends of other students’ lessons she says the same to all students.  The instructor explicitly told us to buy the book with the CD and that the boys should listen to the entire CD at least once a day.  I imagine that some of the students copy the CD to other devices or listen to youtube versions.  The instructor is not going to remember which student is listening to which format.  The format of the media is not the important part.  Interpret ‘listen to the CD,’ as listen to the recorded pieces in the format of your choice.

 

Our instructor does not compare students.  She is very careful not to compare my sons to each other.  Most of the time, she has them working on different pieces to make comparison more difficult.  That does not mean lessons are always fun.  It does not mean the instructor never chides or pushes.  

 

The children do compare themselves by looking at the stickers on others’ progress charts.  The instructor reminds them that each student is different and that the only way to master the pieces is to practice them.

 

Arrange a time to talk to the instructor.  Tell her your concerns.  It could be that your daughter needs a break from the Suzuki pieces.  Is she also learning to read music?  If so, perhaps could focus on her reading book for a few weeks. If not, is it time to start?  Otherwise, she could learn a fun piece while she nibbles away at the minuet.    

 

If after talking with the instructor you still don’t feel comfortable, look for a new instructor. 

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Talk with the teacher.  Be specific about the things that cross the line.  Belittling, comparing openly to other students, verbal outbursts, etc...

 

It sounds like she is equally as frustrated with your dd.  Buy the CD and listen to it several times a day.  The teacher is correct in assessing that your daughter is missing a key component when she doesn't listen.  Attempt memorizing what she's asked to memorize. Mistakes are likely OK - just not trying crosses a line.

 

From a teacher's standpoint, she probably feels like your dd is wasting her time coming to lessons unprepared.  Lesson time is for perfecting style and technique.  At home practice is for learning measure by measure.  If you come to practice without even attempting to learn the piece your are supposed to be perfecting in lessons, you give the teacher nothing to work with.

 

I would never treat a student the way you've described, but I've also let students go b/c they habitually came to lessons unprepared.  Why invest in lessons if it's not something you are driven to do through the week???

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I take careful notes when my daughter is in lessons, and I make sure she practices nearly every day.  The teacher told me she no longer wants me sitting with my daughter, helping her while she practices.  So in the last two weeks, she's been practicing on her own.  She does not do as well in lessons when she practices on her own.  We could listen more to the piece, but my notes from last week almost mentioned doing the Minuet as an afterthought.  Two weeks ago, my notes said to try the top line for parts 1 & 2, and then try it from memory.  Practicing is not the issue.  We are pretty disciplined.  It's the dynamic I don't like.

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I take careful notes when my daughter is in lessons, and I make sure she practices nearly every day.  The teacher told me she no longer wants me sitting with my daughter, helping her while she practices.  So in the last two weeks, she's been practicing on her own.  She does not do as well in lessons when she practices on her own.  We could listen more to the piece, but my notes from last week almost mentioned doing the Minuet as an afterthought.  Two weeks ago, my notes said to try the top line for parts 1 & 2, and then try it from memory.  Practicing is not the issue.  We are pretty disciplined.  It's the dynamic I don't like.

I think the reason some people questioned your commitment was your unwillingness to buy the CD. That seems like such an easy task compared to most of piano.

 

Emily

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oops.  double post.  Anyhow, my point in mentioning the CD was not that we refuse to buy it. Listening online with her is fine.  It just illustrates that she doesn't listen...

We owned the Suzuki CD, but we would still often use the online versions. They are fine, too. Even now that we are using other books, we still listen to and watch videos of the songs we are playing. Dd often memorizes pieces, too.

 

Because the music teacher isn't a good fit doesn't mean they are a bad teacher (although there are those out there), it just means they aren't right for this season of your child's musical life. We left Suzuki for what was a clear personality conflict between teachers/ child, and then we changed our last piano teacher because they weren't pushing things along enough.

 

When we switched away form Suzuki, though, the laid-back teacher was just right for that time. Now we have our "Goldilocks" teacher. Nice personality, no-nonsense, and willing to fill in the gaps for a fourth year student who has played mostly what she wanted to for the last two years. I probably talked to 8-10 different teachers and musicians before we made our last switch.

 

good luck!

 

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I take careful notes when my daughter is in lessons, and I make sure she practices nearly every day.  The teacher told me she no longer wants me sitting with my daughter, helping her while she practices.  So in the last two weeks, she's been practicing on her own.  She does not do as well in lessons when she practices on her own.  We could listen more to the piece, but my notes from last week almost mentioned doing the Minuet as an afterthought.  Two weeks ago, my notes said to try the top line for parts 1 & 2, and then try it from memory.  Practicing is not the issue.  We are pretty disciplined.  It's the dynamic I don't like.

 

 

That is odd and un-Suzuki.

 

 

Find another teacher.

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My kids all do Suzuki cello and we've been with three different teachers, at two different (serious) music schools.  High expectations, absolutely.  Emphasis on listening to the CD, for sure.  Comparing to other students?  Never ever ever.  

 

I would find another teacher. 

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