3rd Grade Afterschooling Transition Help!

[riverloke]

My third grader is in public school this year. We are having trouble transitioning from homeschool to public school, especially with the necessary afterschooling.

I homeschooled him in preschool. He went to a different public school for kindergarten, where he had a great social time but didn't learn the 3R's, so I homeschooled him 1st and 2nd grade, and now he's in a different public school for 3rd grade. I would have preferred to continue our homeschool curriculum, or something similar in a classroom, but public school is the best option for our family right now. 

 

He is a basketcase. His teachers tell us that he has wonderful behavior at school, seems to be happy to be there; and the structured day, social interaction, and consistent schedule seem to be just what he needed and wanted. But he is a basketcase at home. Because of our different approach with homeschool, he does not line up perfectly with where his classmates are expected to be. In some subjects, I knew he was about a half a grade "behind," but in others, he is perfectly comfortable. We didn't want to retain him in 2nd grade and hurt his self-esteem. We wanted to give him a challenge, a chance to work hard. But he cannot do the assigned homework without our constant presence and help. I give him extra independent work to do, to get his 3R's skills up to speed. But all of it, the homework and the afterschooling, is a battle. He struggles with the academics because the approach is so different, common core and all that, and he takes his frustrations out on us parents with tantrums, defiance, whining, ugly words. 

 

I'm pretty sure it's a kid character/age problem, because our 1st grader is really soaring, in the same school, after two years at home with me. 

 

We have tried several approaches, and the latest we have landed on is to make sure that he gets plenty of free-range outdoor playtime for the entire afternoon block after school. After dinner, when younger siblings are settling down for bed, we work on homework/afterschool with him. And in the morning, on his way to school, he reads aloud the memory work that I put together each week to complement the classwork. 

 

We have already met with his teachers twice, and all agree that he should not go back to 2nd grade, but see 3rd grade through and repeat it next year if necessary. He will start one day a week tutoring with his teachers in a few weeks, and they will send tailored extra help home with him. This afternoon at pickup, he said, "Mom, I think I DO like school after all." 

 

Here is my question: Should I blow off the homework entirely and focus all our attention on working steadily through the 3R's curriculum that I believe he will not get if I don't provide it, knowing that it will undergird his work in the classroom, over time? Or should I drop the classical approach for now, and put all my energy into making this public school common core system work for us? Do you have any classical curriculum suggestions that complement common core? Thank you for your advice. 
 

Current Afterschool Curriculum:
Horizons Math with fact families memorization (2nd grade+)
Abeka Phonics and Language Arts (2nd grade+)
Rod and Staff Spelling (2nd grade+)
Language Lessons for Today (3rd grade level)

[SKL]

I would focus on the homework and save the afterschooling for summer.  The exception would be stuff you feel he needs in order to be able to do the public school work right now.  If he is a basket case after school, he probably needs more free time and more sleep.

[Tsuga]

I agree with SKL.

 

It's a huge psychological adjustment. First grade is more tailored to newcomers than third. Third grade, there's the social aspect, and also it's an enormous leap in curriculum. This is the year they are supposed to "read to learn" in some schools, vs. "learn to read", and so on. In some schools they stop reading aloud in 3rd grade.

 

I would work on catching him up fully and giving him time to be himself and decompress.

 

I would also reward him verbally for his hard work. Acknowledge how much he's been doing in school and let him know you appreciate it. School is the work he does for the family, like his dad and possibly you, OP.

 

You actually have more academics for after school than we have and my kids have been in school and after schooled from day one of pre-K.

[tm919]

I agree with others -- focus on what gets him through this school year successfully then use your summer to do anything else that is nonnegotiable for you. You will probably find that a lot of your homeschool resources will help you, but maybe not going through them lesson by lesson. For instance, a lot of public schools (locally to me at least) require math fact memorization in third at the latest, but don't give a good idea of how to accomplish that. This ends up being a huge source of stress to parents I know because they are just told "Make sure your children practice."

 

Hopefully once he gets caught up, some of the nonnegotiable stuff can be spread through the school year.

 

Good luck! I think the homework even without the afterschooling could be a big transition! There is a lot of it even in the early grades.

[SMRB]

Can you tell us what areas he's finding most challenging and what texts they are using in school for those subjects? We might be able to suggest some supplemental materials that will be more of a complement to what he's seeing at school and help you along.

 

I would not blow off the homework, but I wouldn't automatically go with the extra work the teacher suggests either. Sometimes more material from the same program just makes the problem worse vs. pulling from another program that might click more for your son.

 

I also agree with others that you should keep trying to help him through this year and use next summer to your best advantage. I have to sit with my son to get homework done, too, and he's in 3rd grade. This year is totally different for him, and he has been in the same school since K. 3rd grade is just a big transition year for all of the kids, so don't get too discouraged!

[SKL]

I should add that I'd try to do any non-homework remediation on days when he has no homework, preferably on the weekend.  If you have him do an hour or two of work on the weekend, that should not feel as heavy as even 20 minutes on a school night.

 

I have an 8yo who needs support.  On school nights when she has homework, I usually don't add anything except maybe math facts, but if the homework is very light I might add one or two low-stress assignments.  On Saturdays I give her a list of work intended to take up an hour or so.  Sundays are free of school work.  Last year in third grade, Friday was the free day and work was done on Sunday, so she would better remember what she reviewed when she went to school on Monday.  I also insist on at least an hour of physical activity every day.

 

Some low-stress things can be added if they work for your son.  For example, reading good literature aloud, watching educational videos, visiting a local resource such as a national park or museum.  But I would add these only if they seem to help your son enjoy life more.

[kiwik]

I would not expect him to work independantly. Some can and some can't but trying to push him to independance before he is ready will just waste precious time.

 

I find it too hard to cover everything in maths so i just choose my main priorities and use math mamoth topic books. I want ds6 solid on addition, subtraction and place value so i am using add and subtract 2a and 2b and place value 2, ds8 is doing division 2.