Life lesson today

[sportsmom]

I had to give DS10 some hard love today.  He's so perfectionistic, and if he's not 100% confident that he is correct, he completely stops.  Last night, one of his coaches (and a very, very good friend) had to ask me if I thought that DS really wanted to play football.  He's now at the level that he, for some reason, built up in his mind as the "big" kids (it's not the highest level, so I don't understand).  He's not the biggest kid on the team, he's no where near the smallest either - pretty much right in the middle, both in height and weight.

 

Apparently, he does really well in practice, but in the recent scrimmages, he stops or turns away mid-play.  And it's going to get him (or someone else) hurt.  Because DH and I run the organization, I *HAD* to bring it up with DS, just to make sure he didn't feel that he had no choice other than to play.

 

The answer was, as I expected, without hesitation, "yes, I want to be there."  He's been coming home more excited after practice these past few weeks than I have ever seen him - and this is his SIXTH year playing.  It practically crushed him when I told him that his coaches were wondering if he wanted to be there.

 

Because we do run the organization, I in no way want special treatment given to him - especially when it comes to safety.  But, if you watch him, he can read the whole field better than any other kid in the organization, he just fails to execute.  So, with that in mind, I send his head coach an email explaining that I had talked to him and made sure he did want to be there and gave a little information about how he has to be entirely confident before he will act - and saying that we have worked on that in school a lot the past few years, but I don't know how to help him with it on the field.  

 

(Disclaimer:  I was not and do not advocate for DS in regards to playing time or position.  Just wanted to let the coach know that I had verified DS didn't feel pressured to play and explaining what I've learned about how he learns the past few years.  I can't stress that enough.  DH coaches, but actually isn't even coaching at DS's level this year to avoid any appearance of favoritism and when he was coaching at DS's level, DH never talked to DS on the field.  We are not *those* parents.)

 

Thankfully, his coach is wonderful and has seen DS with confidence on the lacrosse field, so he knows it's there, and appreciated that I let him know what was going on so he can help DS gain some self-confidence.

 

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this exactly.  It hurt my heart to have to have the conversation with DS, and watch him crumble when he found out what his (in)actions were causing his coaches to think.  I know that he will be fine, and I will be too.  I can't put him in a bubble and protect him from everything, especially when it's himself - no matter how much I want to.  This is the first time that he's really been affected by his "idiosyncrasies" outside of a school setting.

[ikuradesuka]

This stuff is so hard to figure out!  I feel like I am constantly being the bridge between dd and the real world, but slowly giving more and more of that interfacing responsibility to her.  Dd is also 10, and we have had to have some hard talks about these sorts of things.  I tell myself the more we have these discussions, and the more I help her see how to advocate properly for herself, and how to present herself as she wishes to be seen, the better off she will be.  These hard situations are going to make her wiser and bolder.  I hope.

[sportsmom]

This stuff is so hard to figure out!  I feel like I am constantly being the bridge between dd and the real world, but slowly giving more and more of that interfacing responsibility to her.  Dd is also 10, and we have had to have some hard talks about these sorts of things.  I tell myself the more we have these discussions, and the more I help her see how to advocate properly for herself, and how to present herself as she wishes to be seen, the better off she will be.  These hard situations are going to make her wiser and bolder.  I hope.

 

My hope as well.

[Dmmetler]

What I noticed was that DD started balking more when her cheer organization started requiring the kids, not just the parents, go through the concussion awareness training and sign the disclaimers (which happened when she moved to u13 last fall, at just before turning 10, where they start doing extended stunts). It wasn't that she didn't know that there was a possibility of injury, but it really scared her and, last fall, especially, she had a hard time trusting her stunt group.

 

Could something like that have happened to your DS, where he now feels he's more at risk than he used to be?

[sportsmom]

I think that's part of it.  We haven't had any concussions at the lower levels of football (ages 5-9) that I know of ever (fingers crossed keeping it that way), but in the older groups (ages 10-14) while not common, we have had enough for him to see kids sidelined until they have clearance from their doctor to return.  That probably is part of his hesitation.

 

He's never been an especially aggressive player, and I keep waiting for that switch to click where he can really "turn it on" while playing.  He found it on the lacrosse field, so now he just has to find the confidence in himself on the football field.  This is the first year he's about in the middle of both height and weight of all the players - he's never been tiny, just more on the smaller end.  Since last season he has grown about 6 inches and put on 15 pounds.  At almost 85 pounds, he's still intimidated by the bigger players who are ~150 pounds.

 

His ability to read a play is often missed by coaches who don't really know him because he waits for the play to develop before moving - even though if you watch him, you can see that he is looking where the players and the ball are going to move before they do.  At 6, after he learned his first real plays, he was watching NFL games and announcing what plays they were running and could predict what they would do next.  It's amazing to watch.  He could be an amazing coach one day, but I'm not sure if he will ever be a phenomenal player - not from lack of ability, simply lack of confidence and aggression.

 

But he has fun on the field, and as long as he is playing safely, that's all I want for him.  Honestly, lacrosse is where most of his love is, but we won't allow him to only play one sport all year.  He plays in a winter league and a spring league.  And a ton of the lacrosse kids came from football, which is what they play in the fall.