Murphy101 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 If you home school high school, when where and how much does your daughter hang out with other girls her age? We have not really thought in terms of socialization = same age/sex demographic. She isn't drawn to the activities the home school communities have for girls her age bc frankly they hype constantly about modesty/no dating/sex and it's annoying to her. She is modest and she isn't boy crazy at all. Done. Someone said they felt awful for her not having any girlfriends to hang out with or being in any "normal" activities where she can make life-long girl friend relationships. *confused* :( So how much does your home schooled teen socialize with other girls her age? Do you feel they have many life long girl friends? If they do hang out frequently with other girls, where do they do that or via what activity? My daughter seems happy. I'm not necessarily looking to change what we do so much as considering whether I should add more girl centric opportunities... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Swim team. They spend a ridiculous amount of time together. And for the most part, all the girls ( no matter where they go to school) have their closet friendships in the team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 All three of my girls have made most of their friends through sports and academic summer camps. We haven't had much luck making friends through the home school community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Sounds like your daughter is introspective and family oriented and is happy. I'd talk to her about it. Does she want to join something to try and develop more social skills, or is she happy with her family and books? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 a bit at church, but mostly thru sports (skiing and softball) and music. DD14 takes band class at the local high school, so she sees her buddies there every day. During the sports season, she spends 4-5 days a week at practice with the same group of girls. Volunteer work would be another possible avenue. Local animal shelter, library, that sort of thing. DD14 is also considering joining an Explorer group, which would be another social outlet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 The Y where dd volunteers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artichoke Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Track team, tutorial classes, and debate One fun activity that we do is hosting a monthly mom/daughter game night. Teen girls and moms hang out and play games together while snacking on whatever indulgent food we have. I feel amazingly disloyal saying the next comment, but here it is anyway: we don't have any prayers, talks of modesty, or devotionals at game night. We are a conversative Christian family, but I think sometimes, especially in the south, we homeschoolers seem to beat our kids over the head with worship at every event we attend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My dd has her bestie from her school days. Her other social friends are from swim team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Church and homeschool group is where my dd gets her friends. But none of these groups has the rigid beliefs that you are finding in your area. There's a lot of "live and let live" people around here, Most of my dd's girl friends either moved or went to college. She has some close guy friends that she hangs out in the homeschool community (no romantic stuff. She says she's got too much to do to get involved like that.) But she has 2 girlfriends from church that she can do girl stuff with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My dd really found her girlfriends in college. How many of us are still best friends with our high school friends? I wouldn't worry. We spent time with family friends , church, and activities of interest. Most all included other young people. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Mine was never drawn to kids her own age. Sure, she had a few friends, but they were generally so self-centered and wrapped up in school drama that she couldn't care less. Church camp was the only time she really hung out with people and then stayed in touch via the internet. She lives on the truck, is preparing for a career in trucking, and cosplays with young adults in the city when she is home. ETA: none of her friends were homeschooled. My girls have online homeschooled friends. What few homeschoolers there are local to us are either religious fringe or they meet outside of town and all know eachother (related, church, etc). My girls appreciate dealing with people out in the broader world, with broader interests, and more accepting to diversity. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I didn't make any great lifelong girlfriends... I have one BFF from public high school, but that's it. And no good girlfriends from college either. My bridesmaids were my BFF and my sister. Not everyone needs a big group of friends to be happy. Ask DD what she wants and follow her lead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I have no "life-long" girlfriends. Kept in touch with no one from high school, no one from college, one person from my working days... My daughter has one girlfriend, whom she met at a church youth group. They may end up as life-long friends. Who knows? She has met other kids via volunteer opportunities but since they are all at the local high school and she is not, she's an outsider. She probably would be anyway, because they don't talk about anything that is interesting to her. She doesn't fit in with the (few) homeschoolers we've met. (HS is not popular here.) Our church is small and she is the only teen girl. On the plus side... she is well-socialized to the young adult women at church, married and unmarried. She is a favorite babysitter. She is the official church photographer. She's looked at as an adult there, not a kid. So while she doesn't have girlfriends to hang out with, she does have people to talk to and things to do, so she is happily busy. I don't want to sound all "she's so mature!" but, well, I guess she is a little more mature than the average 16-year-old that most people run into. At least that's what I'm told, and how it appears. I'm hoping college will bring more friends her way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 If you home school high school, when where and how much does your daughter hang out with other girls her age? We have not really thought in terms of socialization = same age/sex demographic. She isn't drawn to the activities the home school communities have for girls her age bc frankly they hype constantly about modesty/no dating/sex and it's annoying to her. She is modest and she isn't boy crazy at all. Done. Someone said they felt awful for her not having any girlfriends to hang out with or being in any "normal" activities where she can make life-long girl friend relationships. *confused* :( So how much does your home schooled teen socialize with other girls her age? Do you feel they have many life long girl friends? If they do hang out frequently with other girls, where do they do that or via what activity? My daughter seems happy. I'm not necessarily looking to change what we do so much as considering whether I should add more girl centric opportunities... Diamond (20) grew to nearly despise many homeschool girls she met locally- way too overboard with the "modesty" stuff. And all of the "teen girls Bible studies" were just further floggings on the subject. Like you said, "She is modest and she isn't boy crazy at all. Done." :coolgleamA: But she has met some of her closest friends at TeenCBS- Comunity Bible Study for teens where they, you know, study the actual BIBLE, not just someone's tirade on a few selct verses. And dance classes. Plus some very close friends she has never net in real life from the OYAN forum. (A novel-writing program for homeschoolers) SweetChild (15) has a few close friends from homeschool, but her closest friends are in her show choir or from the public school's musical, plus a few from the co-ed homeschool volleyball team. BabyBaby (13) has two girl BFFs, both from the homeschool group- but most of her friends are guys (and the one other girl) from her robotics team, guys from karate, and a guy from youth group. So my girls have made their friends where their interests are, and their time is spent. Some friends are homeschooled, most are not. But trying to do homeschool activities of little interest in the hopes of meeting homeschooled friends has usually been an utter failure. ANd none of them have focused exclusively on making female friends- all are good friends with guys also. It's more about common interests. Also, none of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My DD did not have any girl friends her own age when she was in high school. All her friends were several years older. She made some friends at the barn where she rode horses and some in choir, but she met her very best friends in the dual enrollment classes she took at the university. Both her best friends were college seniors before DD graduated high school. They get along great, socialize a lot, and we just took one of her friends on vacation with us. DD also met several friends online with whom she is close. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 If it ain't broke, don't fix it. :) If you had said that she is lonely and unhappy, I would respond differently, but if she is happy as she is, I think that is fine. I don't stay in touch with anyone from high school, college, or grad school. It seems like once people's life circumstances change, they often move on to new friendships -- or at least that's what happened with both my dh and me. People move on. I think it's great if people have long term friendships, but I don't think those relationships need to start at any particular time in their lives. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I went to public school. Most of the high school kids I still am friends with (And I should say I'm friends with "again" because of Facebook. I did NOT remain friends over the years) are from our church when I was in HS. I am now VERY good friends with a girl who I don't remember really knowing at that time (though she remembers me). Her parents and ours were friends, but she's ~5 years younger and didn't stick in my memory. She now lives close, we have kids the same age and a lot of interests in common. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 I didn't make any great lifelong girlfriends... I have one BFF from public high school, but that's it. And no good girlfriends from college either. My bridesmaids were my BFF and my sister. Not everyone needs a big group of friends to be happy. Ask DD what she wants and follow her lead. Me too. And that's been the case for most of her brothers as well. One is a bit of a loner, but he always has been. But have they made friends when they were interested in making that happen and usually gotten along regardless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Sounds like your daughter is introspective and family oriented and is happy. I'd talk to her about it. Does she want to join something to try and develop more social skills, or is she happy with her family and books? Well that's just it. She isn't particularly family and books oriented. Sure she likes them, but she is always leaving to do something. Hiking. Rafting. Ice skating. Cake decorating. Drawing or painting lessons. Rock climbing. Biking. Kick boxing. Archery, game nights at the local game stores. There just aren't very many girls or girls her age around her. With the exception of ice skating and cake decoratng, which don't give much group bonding time, she is often the only girl. And or the youngest one. The same person said she was getting too old for the tomboy phase and it was probably being in the middle of all those brothers that was the problem. 😒 Maybe I've just heard so much stupid that it was starting to sound like it made sense? Ugh. I'm over thinking this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Autumn isn't really into the same things as most girls her age seem to be. I think that if she put herself "out there" a bit more, though, she would find a good number of them that did - or at least who enjoy being around each other. She'll be taking an art class at a fine arts center this fall, so she'll have other teens in that (it's specifically for teens). Otherwise, though, most of her areas of interest consist of male friends/peers - chess club, the avengers, comics, etc. Once again, while her art class will have girls (lots, I would imagine), her other activity for the Fall (chess club) is all boys, other than her (she's the only girl on the middle-high school team). She has one really good gal friend. This friend isn't homeschooled, but her and Autumn met at a soccer camp a couple summers ago that was being held at the local Catholic middle / high school (where this girl attends). Although school-year schedules get in the way of them hanging out super frequently, they do whenever they get a chance. This particular girl shares Autumn's love of Comic Con and other similar things :) She doesn't care for co-ops... most of the girls in them aren't allowed to watch the same shows she enjoys or read the same books/comics that she enjoys. In Autumn's case, she really does NOT desire female companionship. She tends to gravitate more towards boys. It's getting a bit awkward now because she DOES have "crushes", so it can be hard for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amsunshine Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My dd really found her girlfriends in college. How many of us are still best friends with our high school friends? I wouldn't worry. We spent time with family friends , church, and activities of interest. Most all included other young people. This. I don't understand when people talk about making lifelong girlfriends in high school. I have a lifelong friend from elementary school, none from high school, one from college, and a few from graduate school. High school was awful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Ugh. Yes. You let your kids read and watch Harry Potter and the avengers?! I still remember someone several years ago being troubled that I use the word magic to teach cursive. Magic C can become a, o... Magic L can become b, h... Get a grip people. I've yet to have a child denounce the faith or actually think c has magical powers. Sigh 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 The same person said she was getting too old for the tomboy phase and it was probably being in the middle of all those brothers that was the problem. 😒 Maybe I've just heard so much stupid that it was starting to sound like it made sense? Ugh. I'm over thinking this.That person is an idiot. Sorry if it's someone you care about, but I would not hold back my thoughts on the commenting person's intelligence. ETA: Your daughter sounds awesome to me. She's busy and involved in many different things. It seems she's content with her life. Why fix something that isn't broken? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I don't think this is necessarily a homeschool thing. I think it has to do with interests and personality. dd is pretty quirky in her interests (anime, writing, superheroes, pokemon) and is introverted. dd was homeschooled and is now in public school. She doesn't really have a close buddy. There have been some friends that came into orbit closer than others over time. dd participated in many activities as a homeschooler some girl-centric some not (4-H, girl scouts, ballet, swim team, adaptive aquatics volunteer, animal rescue, more). dd still dances. She has a job teaching swimming. There are a couple of girls in her orbit this last year. I think you may be over thinking. Listen to your dd. Does she want more girl friends. Does she just want to try new things, whether or not girl only? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Well that's just it. She isn't particularly family and books oriented. Sure she likes them, but she is always leaving to do something. Hiking. Rafting. Ice skating. Cake decorating. Drawing or painting lessons. Rock climbing. Biking. Kick boxing. Archery, game nights at the local game stores. There just aren't very many girls or girls her age around her. With the exception of ice skating and cake decoratng, which don't give much group bonding time, she is often the only girl. And or the youngest one. The same person said she was getting too old for the tomboy phase and it was probably being in the middle of all those brothers that was the problem. 😒 Maybe I've just heard so much stupid that it was starting to sound like it made sense? Ugh. I'm over thinking this. Hmmm... Well I moved a lot as a kid, figured out what I had to do to be in the "popular" crowd at each new school, and did it, so even though I had "friends" none of them were particularly close and few of them will be lifelong, so maybe I have a strange perspective. Tell her another mom mentioned it was too bad she didn't have close female friends and ask her what she thinks about that. If it doesn't bother her I wouldn't worry. She'll probably find close friends in college. If it does bug her, figure out ways to fix it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My DD has made most of her close friends through her Venturing Crew. They go out camping, backpacking, canoeing, and other fun adventures together. She has made a couple friends through dance, but not many. Most of the girls close to her age at dance have very different interests than DD and they are all friends at school which makes DD feel left out. However, one of her closest friends she did meet at dance. She is a few years older than DD is was also homeschooled. They chat a lot on the computer during the day and hang out together sometimes. She also met a few through youth group. But not all of DD's close friends are girls either, she has some good friends that are guys. I do have a good friend who I have known since Kindergarten. We have drifted apart in the last few years. She isn't happy that I am homeschooling, but we are still there when we need someone to talk to or whatever. My DH's best friend is a guy he met at youth group in high school. Most of his other friends were through scouting or his neighborhood growing up, but he hasn't really stayed in touch with most of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My dd went to public high school and didn't spend a ton of time socializing with other girls outside of school and activities. She has friends, but she doesn't spend a huge amount of time socializing during unstructured time. She's the type that needs alone time and by the time she got out of school and finished theatre rehearsals, she was over people. She's well adjusted, and even has a boyfriend, but she's just not one to ever obsess over other people. She doesn't do the intense BFF or boy crazy thing that some girls do. She's just very laid back and has never been very interested in what other people think of her. If your kid is happy, and has a friend or two her age (even if she's not constantly texting them), I wouldn't let other people make me worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 LOL. No. She isn't texting at all. She is 14 and in my house that means no cell phones, no computers. So I've completely by passed the entire texting FB drama carp. That wasn't why we have always done it, but I'm mighty happy with that added benefit. She talks to whoever wherever she is at. She's not terribly shy. She doesn't mind doing presentations or whatever or walking up to people and saying hi. She certainly doesn't have a problem talking to most people. She is quiet. But not in a wallflower way if that makes any sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Well that's just it. She isn't particularly family and books oriented. Sure she likes them, but she is always leaving to do something. Hiking. Rafting. Ice skating. Cake decorating. Drawing or painting lessons. Rock climbing. Biking. Kick boxing. Archery, game nights at the local game stores. There just aren't very many girls or girls her age around her. With the exception of ice skating and cake decoratng, which don't give much group bonding time, she is often the only girl. And or the youngest one. The same person said she was getting too old for the tomboy phase and it was probably being in the middle of all those brothers that was the problem. 😒 Maybe I've just heard so much stupid that it was starting to sound like it made sense? Ugh. I'm over thinking this. Doesn't sound like she is "suffering". Sounds like she is doing just fine. How is being into those things "tom boy". I hate when people say stuff like that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My public schooled daughter definitely has more of a social life than my homeschooled daughter. It concerns me and I do everything I can to make sure we take advantage of what opportunities we do have to spend time with friends. She had a friend invite her to a week long all day VBS/youth activities at her church one week this summer and I didn't hesitate to pay the $70ish it cost to let her go. She made even more friends and talks to them a lot. She is in eighth grade this year and her social life has taken off since she and more of her peers are getting cell phones. It really does help. But homeschoolers in our area are less likely to get cell phones at a young age than public schooled kids. I'm assuming that's a combination of kids being with their parents so much it seems unnecessary and less social pressure (I know the phone begging went through the roof when my daughter started going to public school). But now that she has a few friends with cell phones, they text, and skype and have joint chat rooms with several people. It's a kind of ongoing conversation among a few friends so it's pretty cool. :) I think social needs are whatever each child thinks they are. Either their particular social needs are being met or they are not. If your daughter is satisfied, then other people's opinions don't really matter. If she isn't, then I would try to help her find a way to hang out with friends more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 When my daughter was in 1st grade, a friend and I started a playgroup. The girls are now in jr. high/high school and see each other once a week for about 2 hours and are good friends. They do have other opportunities to make friends/socialize like at co-op (weekly), teen time (once a month), the library, anime convention (once a year). They seem to be OK with having each other as their close friend as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 My teenage dd doesn't really have best girl friends. She has two boys that she had known from our homeschool friends for a really long time and she considers them her besties. She now has some girl friends from our co-op and while she enjoys hanging out with them, she typically gets along better with the boys at co-op. I used to stress that she didn't have the one best friend because I always did. I met my best friend when I was 12 and even though we have lived in different states for 25 years, she's still my best friend. My homeschool best friend told me that I was her first real friend and she met me when she was 28! Now, I don't worry so much. She's happy with her handful of girl friends and equally enjoys hanging out in groups with the homeschool boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Ugh. Yes. You let your kids read and watch Harry Potter and the avengers?! I still remember someone several years ago being troubled that I use the word magic to teach cursive. Magic C can become a, o... Magic L can become b, h... Get a grip people. I've yet to have a child denounce the faith or actually think c has magical powers. Sigh Oh, my! That's so clever! I have never heard of teaching cursive that way, but I love it! To answer your original question, dd (14) spends 7-8 hours at the dance studio each week (she considers this "social time"), and occasionally (less than once a month) spends the day with one of her best friends, who is in public school, and on a totally different schedule than we are, which makes getting together difficult sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 My public schooled daughter definitely has more of a social life than my homeschooled daughter. It concerns me and I do everything I can to make sure we take advantage of what opportunities we do have to spend time with friends. She had a friend invite her to a week long all day VBS/youth activities at her church one week this summer and I didn't hesitate to pay the $70ish it cost to let her go. She made even more friends and talks to them a lot. She is in eighth grade this year and her social life has taken off since she and more of her peers are getting cell phones. It really does help. I used to feel that way, but now I tend to be the opposite. That rather than being thrilled to "do it all", I strive to be careful to not fall to thinking we HAVE to be always busy. To teach that balance is important. I tend to consider we need LESS activities rather than more. I guess that's why this comment that promoted the thread sorta threw me and I thought maybe I should give some thought to girls being different or whatever. But homeschoolers in our area are less likely to get cell phones at a young age than public schooled kids. I'm assuming that's a combination of kids being with their parents so much it seems unnecessary and less social pressure (I know the phone begging went through the roof when my daughter started going to public school). But now that she has a few friends with cell phones, they text, and skype and have joint chat rooms with several people. It's a kind of ongoing conversation among a few friends so it's pretty cool. :) That's not the reasoning or situation for our family, so I wouldn't presume that of others. Even when my kids get cell phones at 16, they don't do any of that. But they were all boys so far. Maybe she will be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Oh, my! That's so clever! I have never heard of teaching cursive that way, but I love it! *This thread is interrupted to give a curriculum review. ☺ï¸* I got that years and years ago from what was a new curriculum back when I started home schooling - Handwriting without Tears. I normally use other programs that start with cursive instead of manuscript, such as Our Lady of Victory cursive. However, for my not typical kids and/or my left handed kids, HwoT was/is a lifesaver. It's not fancy with loops and curls, but it's clear, neat, memorable, doable, and easy to teach. Get the teacher guides bc those tell you how to sit next to the child and guide them. Go figure. LOL. I've added quite a few phrases over the years on my own. And I have not needed to actually buy it in a few years, after using it for many years, so I wonder if they have changed much or a lot... I'll have to look next time I see some of their materials. Magic c for example. Dangle just a bit Then bump the top line (not over it! But you have to touch it!) Curve to bump the bottom line And end with a little smile. A cursive o would bump and race to the top Then wink when finished (for the little unwise down curve towards the next letter formation) A Bb has a belly, sometimes two! (Because the circle(s) is/are in front) A Dd has one big belly or one small butt. (Because what else was I supposed to call it after calling the b a belly?) Anyways. It works here. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 My DD doesn't attract female friends. There is one girl who loves to talk to anyone that will listen at taekwondo. Now, boys on the other hand... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 DD15 is an introvert, but does fine in social situations when she has to. She dances about 20 hours a week so there really is not time for anything else. I really never see her having many life long close friends, nor do I. Her dad is also an introvert. It is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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