DD10's first attempt at an SAT essay

[Dmmetler]

She doesn't need the writing section for DA, but may for other programs, so we tried one of the prompts with a 25 minute time limit.  Any suggestions on what would be good to focus on?   Prompt 3

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

People value education that is practical, work that is profitable, and products that are supposed to be useful. Often, they abandon ideas and projects that they consider to be unrealistic or to have no immediate use. However, although it is true that being practical may lead to material rewards, being impractical may enrich people in other ways. Furthermore, today's practical products and activities may soon become outdated, while what now seems impractical may one day prove to be highly valuable.

Assignment: Do people place too much value on ideas or activities that are practical? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

 

[Gil]

We'll I'm in no position to critique other peoples writing, however my general advice to the boys and to your DD (especially since she'll be writing an SAT essay) is to be extra, extra very careful with her "facts".

[Dmmetler]

Actually, one piece of advice we've seen is that it's OK to make up facts that support your thesis, just make sure you have specific examples. Which is hard for DD, since most of her writing is science writing where you have to cite everything (including your own prior research in many cases). 

 

 

[SKL]

I love it, but I'd suggest that she try to sum up her conclusion in one sentence at the end.

 

I have no idea how they grade SAT essays - whether she would be dinged for incomplete sentences that are still effective etc.

[sportsmom]

I'm not sure how it's graded, but the way I read the assignment, she should restate the initial question "do people place too much value on ideas or activities that are practical" to begin her essay and then again to end.  She's got a great start, but I would work on the beginning and ending paragraph.  I don't see her clearly stating her view.  By the end, her essay should definitively answer the question.

 

At least, that's the way I interpret the assignment.

[wendyroo]

I have graded many an SAT essay.

 

#1 - Indent paragraphs.  It is completely ridiculous, but leaving blank lines instead of indenting is frowned upon.  It is perfectly fine to indent and leave blank lines.

 

#2 - She might consider printing instead of cursive.  The grading criterion is understandability and unobscured meaning.  A few minor grammatical mistakes are fine as long as they don't significantly detract from the essay, however, the harder it is for the grader to actually read the essay quickly (graders spend about 2 minutes per essay) the less lenient they will be with grammar mistakes.

 

#3 - Don't worry about facts.  There is NO fact checking in the SAT essay.

 

#4 - She needs to very clearly state her point of view in the thesis.  After reading her first paragraph I don't yet know her answer to the question, "Do people place too much value on ideas or activities that are practical?"  I would get rid of the sentence fragments in the opening paragraph and reword it to clearly state her opinion of the imaginary world she is describing... I assume she is against it.

 

#5 - When students have a hard time focusing their arguments, I often advise them to not read the excerpt at all (which also saves time).  It is often only tangentially related to the prompt, and there is no requirement that your essay touches on the ideas in the excerpt at all.  

 

#6 - The hardest part of the essay is quickly coming up with examples to support your position.  I would have her read through her essay now and see if she can spot some logical flaws (In a world where everything is practical, why would there be no invention?  Necessity is the mother of invention.).  One exercise I did with students was to choose a book they had recently read and then quickly read through half a dozen prompts and think of some way to make an example from the book support or contradict each prompt.  Then we would do the same thing with a topic they had recently learned about in history or science.  Then we would do the same thing with current events.  The point was not to write the essays, but to quickly come up with supporting examples.

 

Just my thoughts.

Wendy

[Dmmetler]

Thank you-this is so different than other writing. It kind of feels like everything we've worked on as far as the writing process, editing, citing sources, etc needs to be tossed out the window.

 

On cursive vs print, I'm not sure which to recommend. Her letter formation is much better in cursive than in print, but as of right now, her print is faster and is probably more readable, even though it's completely not pretty. Normally, she writes her draft longhand, and then moves to the computer to type, edit, and revise, which isn't an option on the test.

[justasque]

 

 

 

To give a different perspective than the PP's:

She's ten.  Ten.  She did a great job.  A GREAT job.  I get that she will need to get better, because it could open doors that would otherwise be closed to her, and which she needs to have open.  But honestly that's a pretty darned good start.  She has an intro, two paragraphs with examples to support her point, and a conclusion.  The essay is organized well.  She's got the basics of it, which is the hardest part.  

 

I would focus on her - how does she like the essay?  How was the experience?  How did she work differently with a time limit than not?  How did she structure her time?  Does she feel her approach worked for her?  What would she do differently next time?  How would she write this essay differently if she was not timed?  What did she feel about the prompt?  Did she understand what they were asking (obvs. yes, but discuss the thought process).  

 

Then I'd have her do another, and discuss that one.  And then some more.  I would let her get some experience with the general idea of writing a timed test essay, with a significant amount of discussion and self-reflection on the process, before getting specific about what she could do better.  For some of her essays, I'd also consider having her read essays others have written on the same prompt that she's just done - look at them together, see how they addressed the topic and what they did differently than her, and what can be learned (to do or not to do) from that.

[justasque]

I would add that I have always been careful to stress that test essay writing is a genre in and of itself, and is not to be confused with writing in any other scenario.  You are doing formulaic writing to a rubric, which sometimes require things that in writing for any other venue would be a no-no (or vice versa)..

[wendyroo]

On cursive vs print, I'm not sure which to recommend. Her letter formation is much better in cursive than in print, but as of right now, her print is faster and is probably more readable, even though it's completely not pretty. Normally, she writes her draft longhand, and then moves to the computer to type, edit, and revise, which isn't an option on the test.

 

Pretty does not matter at all.  Fast and legible are the name of the game.  

 

For example, a grader is probably going to stumble over the word everything in her first paragraph.  That, in and of itself, would not effect her grade, but, then in the second paragraph, when they then read "our" as "owe" and can't decide if business is spelled correctly the errors will start to impact the readability and she will be graded down.

 

Wendy

[Dmmetler]

Here's an example of print from last week (her history notes, where she's not required to write in cursive and usually doesn't).

 

[wendyroo]

I would have her print the essay; those notes are very legible.  Plus, if printing is even a little bit faster that would allow her to devote a minute or two at the beginning to brainstorm her examples before she starts writing which can be very worthwhile.

 

Wendy

[Lang Syne Boardie]

To give a different perspective than the PP's:

She's ten.  Ten.  She did a great job.  A GREAT job.  I get that she will need to get better, because it could open doors that would otherwise be closed to her, and which she needs to have open.  But honestly that's a pretty darned good start.  She has an intro, two paragraphs with examples to support her point, and a conclusion.  The essay is organized well.  She's got the basics of it, which is the hardest part.  

 

I would focus on her - how does she like the essay?  How was the experience?  How did she work differently with a time limit than not?  How did she structure her time?  Does she feel her approach worked for her?  What would she do differently next time?  How would she write this essay differently if she was not timed?  What did she feel about the prompt?  Did she understand what they were asking (obvs. yes, but discuss the thought process).  

 

Then I'd have her do another, and discuss that one.  And then some more.  I would let her get some experience with the general idea of writing a timed test essay, with a significant amount of discussion and self-reflection on the process, before getting specific about what she could do better.  For some of her essays, I'd also consider having her read essays others have written on the same prompt that she's just done - look at them together, see how they addressed the topic and what they did differently than her, and what can be learned (to do or not to do) from that.

 

This is my opinion, as well. :) I'm glad you shared her work.

 

I would suggest a checklist for her to reference as she writes her practice essays, and a rubric for self-editing and discussion afterward.

[sportsmom]

To give a different perspective than the PP's:

She's ten.  Ten.  She did a great job.  A GREAT job.  I get that she will need to get better, because it could open doors that would otherwise be closed to her, and which she needs to have open.  But honestly that's a pretty darned good start.  She has an intro, two paragraphs with examples to support her point, and a conclusion.  The essay is organized well.  She's got the basics of it, which is the hardest part.  

 

Second this.  It didn't come across in my previous post, but I did think she did a great job - especially for it being her first stab at this writing style.

 

Her writing sounds a lot like my DS10 and I always have to remind him about where to focus and what he is answering when it comes to writing.  Maybe it's the age, but he gets bogged down in details and loses the big picture, especially when it comes to supporting his answer for a single question.

 

FWIW, I've mulled over this question for a significant part of the afternoon, and I think her examples are wonderful.  They were very well thought out, and you could see that SHE knew where she wanted the essay to go.  Once she becomes more familiar with the writing style, she is really going to nail the essay portion.

[EndOfOrdinary]

We are working on writing in a different setting than science writing since Ds wants classics, not STEM. That makes this a bit easier, since most of his writing has been essays much like the SAT. Our prep has been extremely thesis and methodical paragraph focused. Three minute introduction with blantant thesis statement clearly setting up his opinion and three main points. Each paragraph taking five minutes and being extremely direct with a topic sentence, example, and restatement. Three minute conclusion with blantant resummarizing of the introductory thesis.

 

Once he could do that, he goes back to add in voice, quotes, etc. The scaffolding is our big focus.

[8filltheheart]

I think you have multiple different issues going on. What she wrote is great for 10. What she wrote is not what is wanted for an SAT prompt. And, you are correct; she is going to have to write for the SAT grader, not what you have been teaching her as quality writing.

 

Look at the prompt: Do people place too much value on ideas or activities that are practical?

 

She needs to focus on creating an argument answering either yes or no to that question. She needs to clearly state her thesis.....either they do or they don't. The grader needs to know immediately which way she is arguing and then she needs 3 concise points that articulate support for her position. Her arguments don't actually answer the prompt. I strongly second Wendyroo's point: skip the summary. Focus on the prompt. Make sure answering the prompt is the focus of the essay.

 

The next issues are grammar, vocabulary, and complexity of sentence structures. Keep in mind that graders are skimming essay after essay. Those are elements being checked off a list. I would discourage the use incomplete sentences. Skilled writers can use them; beginner writers will most likely not succeed using them effectively.

 

Fwiw, I would skip timing for now. I would instead work on creating a thesis statement from the prompt and 3 simple bullet points that support that thesis. Have her talk through the prompt, creating a thesis, supporting points for lots of different prompts. Get her to develop her thoughts orally first so you can make sure she is sticking to what the prompt is actually asking. They are not easy for 10 yr olds.

 

Once you think she has that under control, then move back to writing them timed.

 

Here is a link with prompts. They are not SAT prompts, but Regent prompts. They will still help with that skill. http://www2.gsu.edu/~wwwrtp/topics.htm