SparklyUnicorn Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 You can simply answer yes/no or say whatever you want about it. What I'm getting at is do you generally trust people's intentions? Do you feel as if in general that you live in an environment that is safe and comfortable or do you feel the need to navigate a series of hostilities (whether or not you can actually name the hostilities)? Do you think, for example, that professionals in the position of helping you actually want to help you or that they mostly aren't trustworthy and/or look out for their own interests most of the time? Or however else you want to take the question. It's hard to articulate what I'm wondering about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, not generally hostile. Professionals are trying to do their job with as little drama as possible. I try to respect that even while I am trying to live my life with as little drama as possible. Most people seem to be pretty nice if you smile at them and treat them with general respect. I've been in situations where other people were afraid of certain groups because they seemed perhaps to be gang members (profiling at it's worst, I think). I spoke to them nicely, asked them to clean up after themselves (it was an issue) and the young men told me that they would and they did. They even came over to make sure I noticed and then waved goodbye as they left! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 no, not generally hostile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 What kind of relationships are you asking about? Superficial ie. the clerk at the store or more like your best friend or boss or coworker? Or one where the person is trying to sell you something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No. I tend to assume good intentions unless I have a very good reason not to. I'm pretty optimistic about people. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, not hostile. I do think people are influenced by their background and previous experience, which can sometimes make people interact ... poorly. But in general, I do not think the vast majority of people have truly malicious intent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No. I'm an optimist and I generally experience the good in people. Maybe it's a matter of perspective, I don't really know. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 It seems to be a lot more hostile than it used to be. I'm not sure if that is a normal part of aging or a historical trend. I have had to fire both my eye doctor and my dentist in the past few years because of disrespectful behaviour and their unwillingness to help me. I am able to order glasses online, but still have too much anxiety to look for a dentist who will be willing to provide regular cleanings to slow the progress of my periodontal disease and anesthesia when I need extractions without insulting my intelligence and trying to shame and bully me into buying fake teeth that I wouldn't want even if I could afford them which I can't. Of course my physical appearance and limitations affect the way people treat me which affects the way I perceive the world. I don't want to become "that mean old witch who hates the world" when I'm in my 70s, but I am starting to have more compassion as I understand what can cause senior citizens to become fearful, isolated, bitter, and self-protective. I also wonder if those of you in your 20s, 30s, and early 40s noticed a change in the world after 9/11 or whether it was just a coincidence that it happened at the same time I began experiencing early symptoms of what would prove to be a difficult perimenopause. Is this what you mean, Wendy? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No. There are dangerous places, to be sure, but not hostile in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 What kind of relationships are you asking about? Superficial ie. the clerk at the store or more like your best friend or boss or coworker? Or one where the person is trying to sell you something? Any. You could say you feel one type of relationship is hostile to you, but the other is not. It doesn't have to be an absolute either yes or no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Is this what you mean, Wendy? yes, exactly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 My own little world (town, community--this location)--I assume the best of others most of the time. Other places I've been--not so much. I have to do a lot of reading of body language and inflection in speech when I'm with people I don't know in order to "get" them, largely due to being on the spec. I get anxious when I'm not sure how to interpret what I'm seeing/experiencing, like when we went to Israel/PT. So I'm coming from a different perspective during those times and don't have as optimistic/positive/"assume the best" type of outlook. I don't like that about myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, I don't perceive the world as generally hostile. I would say that I'm an optimist with realist leanings. ;) I typically assume the best of people, while remaining alert to the possibility of something else. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Not hostile, more like, "Trust but verify" combined with a "Do it Yourself" (or more like myself) attitude. As far as professionals, I believe professionals general have altruistic intentions rather than merely their own best interest. However, good intentions only go so far. Altruism is not the same as competence, nor does it mean they are without bias based on their own background and experience. In the area of education, I believe most who go into the teaching profession have an interest in children and teaching. I know a lot of public school teachers, and most are great people. However, I don't want them all educating my children 24/7 (or even 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, nine months a year.) We consult professionals when needed. It's kinda like seeing the dentist--we can brush and floss our own teeth but need a professional dentist for things we can't do for ourselves, yet if a dentist recommends something I'm not comfortable with I will do some of my own research and may seek a second dentist's opinion. Professionals don't even always agree with each other, so just because someone is a professional doesn't mean I'm going to automatically accept their "professional opinion" as fact or as what's best for me or my family personally. It's not so much "mistrust" as much as it is trusting myself and others who aren't necessarily professionals. It is my opinion that one does not need a professional degree in order to have a valid opinion. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, I do not see the world as a hostile place. I am aware that horrible things can happen to people, but I am thankful to be living in a part of the world where, overall, life is pretty good. I view most people as having good intentions and am inclined to trust people. If I had bad interactions with people (professionals included) it was usually because of incompetence, not ill will. I have overall had good experiences with humans, come from a functional family, and have worked in several functional work environments. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 It seems to be a lot more hostile than it used to be. I'm not sure if that is a normal part of aging or a historical trend. ... I also wonder if those of you in your 20s, 30s, and early 40s noticed a change in the world after 9/11 or whether it was just a coincidence that it happened at the same time I began experiencing early symptoms of what would prove to be a difficult perimenopause. I do not believe the world is any more hostile or difficult than it used to be. When was that golden wonderful time? My grandmother was a refugee who fled with three children and the clothes on her back through Europe. My mom suffered hunger as a child in the famine years in post-war Germany. My grandfather and great-grandfather were killed in the two world wars. I grew up under a communist authoritarian regime. The world was not any "nicer" - and going back further in history does not find the "golden" period either. We are lucky that the worst atrocities these days happen to occur in a different part of the world than the US and Western Europe- but the crusades or the 30 years war affected the lives of people right in central Europe, and the civil war was a brutal time in the US. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Overall, no. However, I am a bit more cynical and cautious than I used to be. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No. I am not an optimist and don't really view myself as a pessimist either (although extreme optimists might disagree). I am more of a realist. Crap happens, be prepared. Be pleasantly surprised at the good, be skeptical of the very good, and try to walk away from the negative if you can, with your dignity in tact. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Hostile in the sense that other people's self-interest competes with the considered self-interest of me and mine, yes. Hostile in the sense that people (groups or individuals) are always out to get me, or get one over on me, no. Benign idiocy does as much harm in my life as anything else. For example: People that would rather win arguments than have converations. People that would rather win arguments than just leave me alone, in general. People that have knee-jerk reactions against my carefully-arrived-at conclusions (homeschooling is a good example of this. I've agonized over it. They knew a weird homeschooled kid.) People that smoke around me and make me sick. Things like that. This. People seem to be becoming more and more self-absorbed and rude. I don't think most people are trying to be aggressively hostile, but many, many people just don't seem to care about others. Respect for others is vanishing. Something I've noticed more and more is that people are shocked/surprised by people helping others out. Our family is usually quick to help someone with the door, reach for groceries on high shelves, untangle a buggy, or whatever small thing we notice they are struggling with and people are always surprised by that. I've even had people find me in parking lots afterward to express their surprise and thanks. I don't see other people doing that often. I observe people all. the. time. letting some elderly person struggle with something and walk on by, or even get upset that that person is in their way/slowing them down. My perspective is probably skewed a bit on trust too. We live in the middle of meth-land. So many people (even some of our own relatives) are looking for ways to get money for their next fix. Swindling, theft, and just plain old deceit are rampant...it is hard to trust people. I don't live in fear though. I try to treat people how I wish to be treated, but I'm not overly trusting...lol. I lock my car, lock my house, but will give you whatever I can to help you out. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Generally, no. Situationally, yes. In many cases it's the rule of fool me once, fool me twice... I guess I can only give the benefit of the doubt so many times until I'm just being foolish. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'm an odd mix of optimism and cynicism. I tend to think that many people have good intentions and want to do what's right, treat others well, and so forth. I love when I see people offering kindness or generosity just because it's the right thing to do, no strings attached. I think that people are capable of wonderful love and compassion. But I also think that people are inherently selfish and if push comes to shove they are most likely going to look out for their best interests above the interest of others. I am also especially cynical of those in leadership positions. I tend to look for ways that they are using their position as a "leg-up" for themselves, and unfortunately, these ways are usually easily and quickly revealed. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, I don't. I assume good will in people and institutions, even if the outcomes aren't what I desire. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I do not believe the world is any more hostile or difficult than it used to be. When was that golden wonderful time? My mother was bombed out of her school, then bombed daily where she worked in her early twenties. She gave up her place at Oxford because she feared that her country was in imminent threat from invasion and cultural annihilation. My father was sent to Canada at the age of ten with only his younger brother. The evacuation ship after his was sunk with all hands and hundreds of children. They were sent to stay with a woman who hated him and didn't let him go to school. He had to physically fight her to get his brother back onto the train that would take them both home. Eta: my home town was bombed by the IRA when I was a child, and I went to work through anti-car-bomb barriers into London as an adult. Today feels much, much easier than any of that. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I think bad things sometimes happen to good people. But, bad things happen to bad people as well. In general, I think most people generally just go about their business with little intent on causing harm. They may be unaware or irresponsible and therefore not do there best for others. But, I don't think the general populace is out to do harm. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Not necessarily hostile, but not sunshine & roses either. I have grown more cynical and wary over time. Everything is mired in shades of grey, more than black and white. Upon further reading - :iagree: with what meena said. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 God, no - I do NOT feel that the world is generally hostile. I feel that the world is generally kind, trustworthy, and generous. Of course there are the random a*sholes, but I refuse to believe the world is hostile - I've seen too much that suggests otherwise. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I think for a lot of my life I have believed the best of people to the point of being naive. There's been a couple of very eye opening things in the last year that has made me a lot more doubtful. Also I grew up thinking that those who shared our beliefs were all good people. Of course that's not true and I feel like my ability to figure people out is coming late because of this. I do think for most people, they want to do the right thing, but sometimes are blinded by self interest or whatever. I have to say I have been absolutely amazed by people's generosity and kindness with the bushfire. For every one person who really was self interested there are many others who are incredibly kind to others. And yes, I agree about institutions too. Individuals can be so kind but make a group and a system and it can do awful things to people. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, I don't. My default assumption is kindness or benign. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 It seems to be a lot more hostile than it used to be. I'm not sure if that is a normal part of aging or a historical trend. I have had to fire both my eye doctor and my dentist in the past few years because of disrespectful behaviour and their unwillingness to help me. I am able to order glasses online, but still have too much anxiety to look for a dentist who will be willing to provide regular cleanings to slow the progress of my periodontal disease and anesthesia when I need extractions without insulting my intelligence and trying to shame and bully me into buying fake teeth that I wouldn't want even if I could afford them which I can't. Of course my physical appearance and limitations affect the way people treat me which affects the way I perceive the world. I don't want to become "that mean old witch who hates the world" when I'm in my 70s, but I am starting to have more compassion as I understand what can cause senior citizens to become fearful, isolated, bitter, and self-protective. I also wonder if those of you in your 20s, 30s, and early 40s noticed a change in the world after 9/11 or whether it was just a coincidence that it happened at the same time I began experiencing early symptoms of what would prove to be a difficult perimenopause. Is this what you mean, Wendy? No, I've noticed the same over my lifetime. I think it can be more or less apparent depending on one's own situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Too many variables. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Having read no replies... I generally trust people, generally feel safe and unthreatened. I generally assume others mean well and are doing the best they know how. It is rare that I suspect someone of outright malice. I think this really bothers my DH. He thinks I am too trusting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'm in my 50's. I know that some pretty awful people are out there. I've been a victim at times. I've worked with victims and offenders at times. I'm not naive. But. . . I still don't see the world as primarily a hostile place. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 no, not at all 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 from local to the big world . . . I think there are people who are good - and people who aren't (and will take advantage of anyone they can.) I think the media does a lot o focusing on the negative (sells stories), but I believe there is much good that is not/is seldom acknowledged. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I do not think the world is a hostile place. At least, not where I live/have lived. I do believe that there are places that are hostile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneddmanybooks Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I am not sure what "gob" and "cis" mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Eh, these days I tend to be suspicious of people and their intentions, and I wonder if they really are the kind of person they present themselves as. Our family had a bad terrible experience a few years ago, and it's really colored my outlook. I guess often it feels safer to question people's motives and to trust them only after they've proven themselves. It's not really the way I prefer to live, and not the way I've lived most of my life, but it seems to me that people these days are willing to throw other people under the bus very readily if it is the easiest or most convenient thing to do. I find people are generally not willing to stand up for what is right if it may harm their own position. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I am also especially cynical of those in leadership positions. I tend to look for ways that they are using their position as a "leg-up" for themselves, and unfortunately, these ways are usually easily and quickly revealed. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 No. If it were that hostile in general, I'd be dead by now. Specifically: What I'm getting at is do you generally trust people's intentions? I trust them to be self-interested but to want to be less self-interested, like me. That usually provides a good guide to what 95% of the population is working with. In a room of 20+ there is always that person who either doesn't recognize their own self-interest or doesn't recognize others' self-interest. But you just roll your eyes. Do you feel as if in general that you live in an environment that is safe and comfortable or do you feel the need to navigate a series of hostilities (whether or not you can actually name the hostilities)? It is not hostile but challenging. It is not booby-trapped, but it's something of a maze. There are some traps and I feel my area of the US is less booby-trapped than some others, but less safe than in some parts of the world where I've traveled. All in all I live in a very safe place for humans and other living things. Do you think, for example, that professionals in the position of helping you actually want to help you or that they mostly aren't trustworthy and/or look out for their own interests most of the time? Most of the time they want to do their own job well and will help me if I'm contributing but not help if I'm working against the team or them in particular. I think most of the people I know balance their need for survival with a desire to serve their community (I work for the state) and they think I should do the same, and we are all working together. We have some disagreements about practical matters but I do not doubt that the vast majority of my colleagues, indeed, 100% of those I've met, have a sincere desire to work for their community, do their job to the best of their ability, and to help me do the same. That said it's not personal. They don't want to help me. They are, with their families, in it for the community. If they believe I am not, they will not help me, because I'm not on that team. But I work for one of the least corrupt governments in the US. We don't earn a ton of money. I don't think anyone would be in this for their self-interest. If they were, they are a total idiot and not capable of manipulating me. :) They could get a clerical job at Microsoft for less work and higher pay! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 For some reason this thread is sticking with me more than others today. I do not have expectations that people are basically good. I do have the general expectation that most people will act socially appropriately unless they are impaired in some way. Even the addicts we know are very nice people when not impaired. But I am not surprised that they are addicts. And while our interactions are pleasant, I'm not going to necessarily give them certain responsibilities. The prostitutes I've met are good on the "nice to meet you"'s and other social niceties. So I guess I see people as flawed (the theologian in me would say sinful) but I do not live in fear, though I suppose you could say that I'm pretty good at assessing the lie of the land and being cautious if I see certain situations developing. But that is based on years of experience with a very wide diversity of people in different areas of the world. And for each unpleasant or dangerous situation I've been in, I've been in at least a dozen pleasant or at least neutral situation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 I am not sure what "gob" and "cis" mean? cis, a person who is not transgendered gob.. no clue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I don't feel hostilities. I feel people I deal with in businesses are apathetic about their jobs a lot of the time but not always. In my personal life I feel hostility from a very few people but I am able to almost completely cut them out of my life. I do notice the limited contact I have makes me very stressed and upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 ..... What I'm getting at is do you generally trust people's intentions? I trust them to be self-interested but to want to be less self-interested, like me. That usually provides a good guide to what 95% of the population is working with. In a room of 20+ there is always that person who either doesn't recognize their own self-interest or doesn't recognize others' self-interest. But you just roll your eyes. .... This. I don't see the world as hostile. Broken, is maybe a better way to describe how I see it. Most people are flawed (like me), doing the best they can to get through whatever they're enduring this day (like me), hoping over the long haul of a life or a year to do better (like me). There are of course exceptions, but as a working premise of how most people are facing their day (and I'm only an inconsequential detail in most other people's day!), it works reasonably well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 In general I do not think the world is any more hostile now then in the past. I think the Internet with it's ability for instant information and for profit news shows drumming every bad thing into our heads for ratings has made people perceive the world as a scary and hostile place. I was bemoaning the demise if true investigative journalism with dh the other day. I beleive most people want to live their lives with a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, and some good friends. I do believe people are very self centered these days and do not value good manners and patience but I feel that is a result of the stress everyone seems to feel these days. Lack of economic security, wealth disparity limiting opportunities for our children, scrooge like work environments. It wears on a person. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I am a pretty suspicious and cynical person by nature but I don't generally find the world to be a hostile place. Like a pp, though, I do believe I see more rudeness and self-centered behavior. People seem less and less willing to get involved with others. With regard to professionals in the position of helping: I worry about incompetence more than hostility. But I live in a pretty quiet suburban area, near Philadelphia. I don't go to the city much. I've encountered a fair bit of hostility there. (I mean real hostility/anger, not talking about the general brusqueness of native or long-term Philadelphians, which is not hostility but just their fast way of talking/doing things. It can be mistaken for hostility though.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I just finished watching Heroes, all 4 seasons. I almost asked a similar question. There was so much back and forth and side switching in the show, it made me wonder about intentions vs. actions and how bad things happen when people have good intentions. Do I think the world is hostile? No, not in general. I'm a hopeful pessimist with an idealistic streak, for reference. Do I think people are more guarded in general? Probably. I think some people get defensive too fast. I think people are stressed more than they used to be. Again, all just my opinions. I have more thoughts, the coffee's not kickin' in yet though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'm a hopeful pessimist with an idealistic streak, for reference. That pretty much sums me up. I couldn't put it into words, but that really does seem to fit me. I don't think the world is a hostile place in general, but I don't trust certain people. I understand why I think that way. I'm not sure I'll find a way to not think that way though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Hostility as violence is way down since WWII. Steven Pinker addresses this in his many you tube videos on the subject. I haven't read any of his books yet. However, my personal impression is that there has been a relaxing of traditional courtesy and manners, in behavior and speech. People seem to feel freer to openly say things they know might offend, and people also seem to openly take offense much easier. They also voice personal opinions more openly. Maybe it is a more honest way of living than the past, but it is also more uncomfortable and can feel hostile. I think we are in the midst of a cultural shift and haven't settled the question of what are the best ways to relate to each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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