Specialkiddo Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I have been homeschooling for a very long time, and thought I had a handle on this whole thing, until I started teaching my almost-10yo. She has been very hard to teach, and I thought she had some LDs but she always managed to stay about at grade level, with a WHOLE LOT of one-on-one Mom time, so I waited to have her tested. Probably a big mistake. So we finally had her evaluated this month, and it turns out that in addition to ADHD (we expected this), her IQ is 80. Her subtest scores were all very similar (with a couple higher ones) and I feel like the evaluator did a great job and that this is accurate. I'm trying not to beat myself up as the worst mom ever for waiting so long and pushing this poor child. I guess the good news is she was working at grade level on most areas of her achievement testing, but I have made this kid pretty miserable for years trying to keep her at grade level. I don't know where to even start. I know I need to back off and I want do a lot of reading aloud, but what else can I do for her? How do I continue to stretch her and not close doors, while also not making her hate school any more? Can a child with an 80 iq even think about college? Driving a car? Someone tell me how to start turning this around, please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherylswope Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I have been homeschooling for a very long time, and thought I had a handle on this whole thing, until I started teaching my almost-10yo. She has been very hard to teach, and I thought she had some LDs but she always managed to stay about at grade level, with a WHOLE LOT of one-on-one Mom time, so I waited to have her tested. Probably a big mistake. So we finally had her evaluated this month, and it turns out that in addition to ADHD (we expected this), her IQ is 80. Her subtest scores were all very similar (with a couple higher ones) and I feel like the evaluator did a great job and that this is accurate. I'm trying not to beat myself up as the worst mom ever for waiting so long and pushing this poor child. I guess the good news is she was working at grade level on most areas of her achievement testing, but I have made this kid pretty miserable for years trying to keep her at grade level. I don't know where to even start. I know I need to back off and I want do a lot of reading aloud, but what else can I do for her? How do I continue to stretch her and not close doors, while also not making her hate school any more? Can a child with an 80 iq even think about college? Driving a car? Someone tell me how to start turning this around, please! Just couldn't bear to see this unanswered. Yes, you belong here! I have a daughter with a similar full-scale IQ, slightly lower. In some ways, this knowledge became a new freedom for us. When I released myself from unnecessary standards, my daughter became free to study more deeply the areas she truly loved. (Ironically, her achievement improved, as a result.) You can now officially remove from yourself -- and your daughter -- the burden of "attaining grade level," and begin exploring more fully a love of learning to serve her for a lifetime. You have already turned things around by realizing that you cannot continue as you were before. Begin with areas she already enjoys. With a view to the future, not fearfully, now fully empowered with better information about your daughter, you can begin to cultivate areas of lifelong leisure pursuits, create long reading lists of good books for enjoyment, and discover new areas of interest within her studies. For us, this began with a private heart-to-heart talk. No need to mention the testing. You can simply tell your daughter that you would like to take a new approach this year, because you know the old approach to education has not been satisfying for either one of you. Take her to lunch or just sit on the back porch with a notebook, ready to hear her heart's desires for her own education. Even if she has only one area of interest, you can devote 30-60 minutes once a week (or more) to this. My daughter (now 20) and I have had many such talks, and her interests always surprise me. Such an approach will likely surprise your daughter too, as she realizes that she can view learning much differently. We often began these talks with, "Now that you're growing older, ...." If or when you feel she is ready to hear some of the new information, she might find the information helpful for understanding why things have been so hard. She might even become more of a "team member" in her own education as a result. This has been true for my son (also 20, a twin) with many difficulties with working memory and processing. He now understands, objectively, why he must work harder to retain information, to manipulate information in his mind, and to respond to incoming information appropriately. He now works part-time in a small history museum and says with good insight, "I need to study harder, so I can remember everything during tours." This insight came over time, but small pieces of information helped him see his difficulties more objectively, rather than fearing they were character flaws, such as "not applying himself," or "being lazy." He also learned ways to accommodate. Now he understands the challenges of his own mind, and he knows we intend to address them together. I hope some of this helps. You and your daughter have accomplished much together already! As you shift your focus to view the upcoming years as a "team effort," -- with an ongoing list of good books you want to read together, and art, music, science, or history museums you want to explore -- this will serve both of you well. Over time, your daughter can develop lifelong, formative pursuits, even as you consider a new slow-and-steady approach to academics. Cheryl Simply Classical: A Beautiful Education for Any Child 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specialkiddo Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Cheryl, someone on the learning challenges board mentioned your book yesterday, and it made me cry just to hear that it was an available resource. I felt like I would have a place to start in the midst of my confusion, and ordered it immediately. I also appreciate your words of wisdom in your post. I love the idea of having a lunch date and having this talk with my daughter. Thank you for taking the time to help me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy5 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I'm really sorry that you are facing these challenges! Are you familiar with Charlotte Mason style of homeschooling? I think that might work really well for her. It consists of short lessons, hands on math, studying nature by taking nature walks, studying real artists and composers, doing mapwork ... lots of read alouds from the parents...copywork (words and then sentences as they get better). My oldest son has a lower IQ (around 45) so it is hard for me to know what kinds of life skills she will achieve. Is that something you could ask the evaluator? Our psychologist (who did the eval) helped us with those types of questions - we wanted to know what kind of job if any job he could do, what kinds of life skills to work on, etc. We are still unsure if he will ever live alone (probably not) because we were still not completely sure his IQ is as low as we were told. He is also autistic and sometimes mood and familiarity with the psychologist can change scores. His original IQ marking (at 2 and later at 6 was 70). He is currently 12 (7th grade) working at 2nd grade. Here is more info on Charlotte Mason: http://suchatimeasthis.com/2015/07/14/how-to-create-your-own-charlotte-mason-homeschool/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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