"Tween" Behavior

[IsabelC]

It's funny, but after reading this thread and thinking how far my girls are from being in the boy mad stage, my littler (almost 7yo) daughter came to me with a very serious look on her face and asked "Mummy, how will I know who I should marry?" (And I felt like saying "You must stay with me forever because you are so innocent and sweet that no partner could ever be good enough for you!")

[Tanaqui]

The kids in our neighborhood run the gamut, but it's not uncommon for the girls to have "boyfriends" (and in some cases "girlfriends") once they're in their double digits. However, those scare quotes are very necessary here. Dating at that age seems to consist of saying "I have a boyfriend (girlfriend)" and occasionally saying hi to that person when you see them. (For same sex "dating" it includes hanging out together with all your other friends.) There's nothing problematic going on at all, even if you squint. They're copying what older people do, as all children do, without actually doing the same thing. Really, it's no different from making mud pies and putting your baby doll to sleep.

 

My girls do wear makeup (aged 9 and 12) often, but it's no different for them than deciding to wear cat ears or those jeans I keep trying to throw out (because they do not FIT, I do not CARE how awesome they look). However, they also spend hours a day in imaginative play and are happy to run around the playground (once they've gotten over being annoyed that I hid their books). If your daughter's peers are saying "that's babyish" about the games she's playing, she might need another group of friends. Even if her behavior wasn't age appropriate, that's not an acceptable thing for them to be saying to her. Sometimes, you struggle making friends because the people around you are the problem, not because there's anything wrong with you.

[bolt.]

My older dd is 10.

 

She has had a little makeup (tinted lip gloss, etc) of her own for special occasions since she was very small, but shows only minor interest in it.

 

There is "crush" type of chatter in her peer group (also in my younger dd7's group) but it seems more like a social dynamic than actual personal relationships.

 

She (dd10) enjoys friends of both genders, but I think some/one of her boy friends might have a crush on her, and she might either return that feeling -- or maybe just think that the 'boy she likes best' (in a friendly way) is what a crush is. There is one boy that she used to play well with that she now plays kinda shyly with. (It's kind of hard to say.)

 

She plays a lot of ordinary playground and pretend games.

[Shellydon]

8-10 is normal for phones, boyfriend talk and makeup here.  This is one of the reasons we don't do public school friends very often. Our homeschooling friends hit that stage at the more appropriate 14 ish age.  The peer group you hang around is how you act.

[Rebel Yell]

For those of you with daughters, when did your daughter start begging to wear make-up, have a "boyfriend," etc...? My eldest's peer group (7-10 year olds) seems to focus more and more on this. Am I really out of touch for thinking they are way too young for all of this? My eldest does not seem all that interested in this yet, but I've heard some "That's for babies" comments about her continuing desire for imaginative play, running around on the playground, etc... She really struggles making friends, and I'm unsure about how to handle this.

 

Not counting stage make-up... around 11-12-ish, but light stuff- eyeliner or mascara (depending on the girl) and cover-up for dark circles or blemishes, and rarely lipstick -They just all hate the feel of it. Occasionally the 15yo will wear a sheer mineral powder and eyshadow, but is also comfortable going out with zero make-up.

 

the 15yo had a 'young man of interest' about a year ago, and has been asked out several times since, but is not "boy crazy" or feeling like she has to have a boyfriend. 

 

The 13yo does not want a boyfriend, but has found herself in a situation where a young guy friend likes her, and she does like him also.

 

20yo would date if there were a better pool of eligible young men to choose from, but her world is pretty female-centered do to her jobs, and the college-career age group at church is mostly almost-30ish married couples.

 

But FWIW, all three at their 'advanced' ages STILL enjoy imaginitive play (OK, Cosplaying at conventions, but still...), running around in parks, and other things like that.

[SKL]

Depends on personality.  My kids are both 8.  My eldest has been fascinated by fashion, make-up, and romance since she was 4 if not younger.  The other one is only interested the same way she's interested in anything else she sees happening around her.

 

My eldest has also started observing and commenting on dress she considers inappropriate.  She's spoken disapprovingly about girls making their appearance too alluring when they are going to hang with boys.  (She isn't parroting me, as I haven't discussed such things with her in the past.)  So maybe an early interest in fashion is associated with an early sensitivity to inappropriate fashion choices?  I don't know.  I choose not to worry until they give me reason to.

 

For now I can fall back on the school rules against make-up etc.  They can experiment outside of school, though.

[Carrie12345]

My 12 and 13yos sometimes wear make up, but it's still more like *playing with make up than being "made up", if that makes any sense. They have a bunch of lip glosses and eye shadows.  They've yet to experiment with foundations, mascaras, etc. and they haven't asked for it, let alone beg for it. Nail polish, otoh, is a daily activity. 

 

No real boyfriend talk.  Crushes all over the place (famous and IRL) but the closest we've dealt with has been dd12's planned date for next year's winter dance. And who knows what will happen by then.

 

When I saw "tween behavior", I assumed this would be about attitudes and smart mouths.  I've been drowning in THAT for several years now!  But not all that other stuff.  We're slowly getting there, but we're also almost done with tweenhood and establishing teenhood.

[gemrae]

DD 13.5 wears no makeup and is not interested in it at all.   She is interested in boys only in a removed, sort of amused way - watching her friends and passing messages, etc.     She sort of liked a boy at tennis but didn't really pursue it in any way and it doesn't occupy more than a passing moment or two of her time.