Parents of Kids with Asperger's

[Valley Girl]

If you don't mind sharing, how did you explain Asperger's to your child? How much information did you share? How did you explain the need to work on challenges in a way that got your child to cooperate in the process (if that was the result)? The child I need to explain things to is almost 13.

[KSinNS]

So my guy is younger, but we talk openly about his autism. That his brain works a bit differently than some other peoples, and that's okay, but that sometimes makes things hard. We talked a lot at first about how autism made it harder for him to learn to talk than other kids. By then, his language was improved, so he could see that things could get easier. Now we use his autism label to help him understand and cope with some of his sensory problems-like swimming related anxiety or loud noises. I model using his label to help him avoid sensory problems "Do you mind not using that blow-dryer. My son has autism, and the sound really hurts his ears." He is starting to take ownership of the label around things like swimming, and new teachers, and such.

 

With social problems, I don't necessarily bring up the autism, but I try to handle things by giving information. He is typically not all that sensitive, but he does want to know. For example, he tends to go on (and on and on and on) about his favourite subject. So, sometimes I'll say, "Look at T. Do you see how she is looking away and shuffling her feet. That means she's bored, and she wants to talk about something else. That is how you tell when someone is bored. I know you aren't bored with your conversation, and what you have to say is interesting and important, but she is, and it's important to pay attention to when the other person wants to change the subject or they will stop talking with you" He's usually happy with a factual explanation, though he often is mystified.  

[ktgrok]

My son was 11. I explained to him that scientists like to have ways to describe different types of thinkers. that there is no one way to be, no right or wrong way, just descriptions. That one description of how he thinks is gifted. He had been in gifted classes, so this was a term he knew. I talked about how kids in his gifted class were different in some ways, and that they used that term. And then I said that another description for the way he thinks is Aspergers. We talked about some of the traits he has, and how there are other people that are like that too, that are like him, and those people have aspergers. My son is fairly certain all the sane people have Aspergers, and the rest of us folks are just crazy :)

 

It was still hard, when you are that age you just want to be normal, not different, but he's okay. He watched a few episodes of Parenthood, and really related to the kid on there, Max, that has Aspergers. 

[Hwin]

If you don't mind sharing, how did you explain Asperger's to your child? How much information did you share? How did you explain the need to work on challenges in a way that got your child to cooperate in the process (if that was the result)? The child I need to explain things to is almost 13.

 

I explain everything and I try to get my information from autism-positive sites like ASAN, ollibean, unstrange mind, etc.

 

If you are just now telling your child that he or she has autism, the part where you work on challenges and get the child to cooperate might need to take a back seat. Let the new information sink and make it a positive thing, otherwise you might end up with "so now you know why I'm trying to get you to act differently. It's because you're different." 

[Valley Girl]

We just received the Asperger's diagnosis a few days ago. Until then, we'd been treating ADHD. With that, we've had conversations about how brains sometimes work differently, that lots of kids have brains that work like his, and that everybody has gifts and challenges. He knows he struggles with things in school (homeschool and co-op) as well as with emotions. I really want to avoid making him feel that there's something "wrong" with him. We've always tried to avoid labeling him, but now we have some additional things we're going to need to have him do. So he'll naturally want to know why.

 

I really appreciate you folks sharing how you explained things. I'll be borrowing some of your words if you don't mind.

[Hwin]

If you google MOM-NOS, she has some really great explanations. Hair dryer kid in a toaster brained world.

[Valley Girl]

Thank you, Hwin and everyone!

[Crimson Wife]

I haven't actually talked about it with my little one yet, but when we got the HFA diagnosis my older two kids were 6 and 9. For them, I liked the book "All Cat's Have Asperger's" by Kathy Hoopmann. I explained what the developmental pediatrician had said about the diagnosis being HFA rather than Asperger's because of the speech & language delay.

 

For a teen, maybe something like the Asperkids series by Jennifer O'Toole.

[Valley Girl]

I haven't actually talked about it with my little one yet, but when we got the HFA diagnosis my older two kids were 6 and 9. For them, I liked the book "All Cat's Have Asperger's" by Kathy Hoopmann. I explained what the developmental pediatrician had said about the diagnosis being HFA rather than Asperger's because of the speech & language delay.

 

For a teen, maybe something like the Asperkids series by Jennifer O'Toole.

 

I will check it out. Thank you.