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Hello,

 

I'm currently reading Creative Homeschooling (a resource guide for smart families) by Lisa Rivero.  It has provided some good insights for me.  I was wondering if there are other books out there that would help me and my kids in our journey. 

 

Any recommendations is appreciated!

 

TIA!

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Believe it or not, gifted books aren't what I think of when I look back on what helped us. I remember someone giving me a gifted book in middle school to help me navigate life. The book quite bewildered me. I disagreed with so much. Same with some of the gifted books I've read as an adult. For whatever reason, I don't seem to connect with them.

 

There are two books that stand out in my mind as being revolutionary for me. Charlotte Mason's original writings (especially Volume 1) and The Well-Trained Mind. There are other books that were helpful as well, but nothing with "Gifted" in the title comes to mind.

 

I just thought of a third -  Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. And a fourth -  Machiavelli's The Prince. Now the list starts to snowball... ;)  Basically anything I read to become more educated myself, helps my daughter.


If pressed for an answer those would be the four that at present stand out in my mind as being the most memorable and useful. If given time, I'm sure I could think of many more... War and Peace just popped into my mind...Bleak House...and the list goes on and on...both fiction and nonfiction....not one gifted title comes to mind. Interesting!

 

The WTM message board! That's a big one!

 

During the younger years, Charlotte Mason's Volume 1 and The Well-Trained Mind set us on a path that has led to many, many wonderful places and countless adventures.

 

 

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Hello,

 

I'm currently reading Creative Homeschooling (a resource guide for smart families) by Lisa Rivero.  It has provided some good insights for me.  I was wondering if there are other books out there that would help me and my kids in our journey. 

 

Any recommendations is appreciated!

 

TIA!

 

Just wondering about the title of the thread and the bolded...not necessarily the same thing kwim? :D

 

High IQ Kids was helpful to me because it revealed that others face similar challenges with their gifted children. I read it when first discovering giftedness and I don't think it would be useful for how to raise or teach a gifted child, but it could be useful for holding your hand and saying you are not alone and here's how other families dealt with the ups and downs.

 

If you are dealing with very high levels of quirky behavior and a child shutting down if not able to feed his intellectual hunger, Miraca Gross's Exceptionally Gifted Children is another collection of interesting case studies. James Webb's books are often praised as well although I can't say I have personally benefited from them. If you tend to lean towards child-directed studies, you might like David Albert's books (ETA: The Day I Became an Autodidact by Kendall Hailey too).

 

Personally, I love, love, love My Family and Other Animals and sequels by Gerald Durrell. Not gifted/ homeschooling books (although one could say Durrell was partially unschooled and met a wonderful mentor). They are a collection of Durrell's childhood memoirs and his idyllic days living in Corfu with his eccentric family. Some of it is obviously exaggerated but I love the sense of self discovery and adventure that Durrell injects into almost every page.

 

Good luck!

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Personally, I love, love, love My Family and Other Animals and sequels by Gerald Durrell. Not gifted/ homeschooling books (although one could say Durrell was partially unschooled and met a wonderful mentor). They are a collection of Durrell's childhood memoirs and his idyllic days living in Corfu with his eccentric family. Some of it is obviously exaggerated but I love the sense of self discovery and adventure that Durrell injects into almost every page.

 

 

:iagree:    :001_wub: :001_wub: :001_wub:   We took turns reading them aloud while doing dishes after lunch. So much laughter...it's a wonder we never broke a dish...or did we???

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Uncle Tungsten: Memories of a Chemical Boyhood by Oliver Sacks. Actually, many biographies and autobiographies have been helpful for both myself and my daughter. Those would be high on the list.

I think I owe quark a nod and a thank you for Uncle Tungsten. Much obliged, quark. :cheers2:   (Hibiscus Herbal Brew and Root Beer)

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Uncle Tungsten: Memories of a Chemical Boyhood by Oliver Sacks. Actually, many biographies and autobiographies have been helpful for both myself and my daughter. Those would be high on the list.

I think I owe quark a nod and a thank you for Uncle Tungsten. Much obliged, quark. :cheers2:   (Hibiscus Herbal Brew and Root Beer)

 

How did you know I am drinking root beer? :laugh: :001_wub: :cheers2:

 

OP, I agree with WMA about biographies. If you have a particularly mischievous gifted young one, you might like to read Feynman's books (Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman for example). I was particularly inspired by how Feynman's father taught him (e.g. to understand the size of one thing in relation to other things).

 

Actually, there's another book I forgot to mention. A Case of Brilliance by Rebecca Hein. Her children are very musically gifted.

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IMHO, How to Raise a Brighter Child by Joan Beck is the least-insane and most user-friendly book in the entire early-childhood enrichment genre. I would recommend it to absolutely anyone without reservation.

 

I also like Tim Seldin's How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way. (It's not just one long shill for the Montessori method.)

 

The Spark by Kristine Barnett is a darn good book by any measure, but the narrative of raising her "autistic" and outrageously gifted son Jacob Barnett would likely be particularly useful to you.

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My recommendations are assorted and not specific to gifted children, each of these books have enriched my understanding of education, teaching and children. I'm sure there are many many more, but the below list is off the top of my head.

 

Marva Collins way- Marva Collins. Great inspirational book

 

Why don't students like school? A cognitive scientist answers questions about how the mind works...- Daniel Willingham. The title is slightly midleading as the book has more to do with why children lose interest in learning and the importance of a nurturing learning environment.

 

The pleasure of finding things out- Richard Feynman

 

The tell-tale brain- V.S Ramachandran.

 

The power of habit- Charles Duhigg

 

Escape from childhood- John Holt.

 

ETA: Another powerful writer is Michael  W Apple (not many know of him outside of academia.)

 

Ideology and curriculum

Democratic schools- lessons in powerful education

Educating the 'right' way- Market, standards, god and inequality.

 

 

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Believe it or not, gifted books aren't what I think of when I look back on what helped us. I remember someone giving me a gifted book in middle school to help me navigate life. The book quite bewildered me. I disagreed with so much. Same with some of the gifted books I've read as an adult. For whatever reason, I don't seem to connect with them.

 

There are two books that stand out in my mind as being revolutionary for me. Charlotte Mason's original writings (especially Volume 1) and The Well-Trained Mind. There are other books that were helpful as well, but nothing with "Gifted" in the title comes to mind.

 

I just thought of a third -  Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. And a fourth -  Machiavelli's The Prince. Now the list starts to snowball... ;)  Basically anything I read to become more educated myself, helps my daughter.

 

If pressed for an answer those would be the four that at present stand out in my mind as being the most memorable and useful. If given time, I'm sure I could think of many more... War and Peace just popped into my mind...Bleak House...and the list goes on and on...both fiction and nonfiction....not one gifted title comes to mind. Interesting!

 

The WTM message board! That's a big one!

 

During the younger years, Charlotte Mason's Volume 1 and The Well-Trained Mind set us on a path that has led to many, many wonderful places and countless adventures.

 

Yes, I have the WTM book.  It is invaluable to me.  I also have been reading this forum for over a year now which have given me plenty of insights.

 

 

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Just wondering about the title of the thread and the bolded...not necessarily the same thing kwim? :D

 

High IQ Kids was helpful to me because it revealed that others face similar challenges with their gifted children. I read it when first discovering giftedness and I don't think it would be useful for how to raise or teach a gifted child, but it could be useful for holding your hand and saying you are not alone and here's how other families dealt with the ups and downs.

 

If you are dealing with very high levels of quirky behavior and a child shutting down if not able to feed his intellectual hunger, Miraca Gross's Exceptionally Gifted Children is another collection of interesting case studies. James Webb's books are often praised as well although I can't say I have personally benefited from them. If you tend to lean towards child-directed studies, you might like David Albert's books (ETA: The Day I Became an Autodidact by Kendall Hailey too).

 

Personally, I love, love, love My Family and Other Animals and sequels by Gerald Durrell. Not gifted/ homeschooling books (although one could say Durrell was partially unschooled and met a wonderful mentor). They are a collection of Durrell's childhood memoirs and his idyllic days living in Corfu with his eccentric family. Some of it is obviously exaggerated but I love the sense of self discovery and adventure that Durrell injects into almost every page.

 

Good luck!

 

quark, I'll get into my explanation later about your bolded.  but on a side note, while I have you on a thread, I was wondering if you follow Dr. Maria Droujkova?  If I remember correctly, did you mention her on a thread?  Someone mentioned her and I've been meaning to ask if you follow her.  I like the idea of teaching a fun way calculus to 5 year olds.  do you have any of her books?  Playing with Math or Camp Logic?

 

Thanks!

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quark, I'll get into my explanation later about your bolded.  but on a side note, while I have you on a thread, I was wondering if you follow Dr. Maria Droujkova?  If I remember correctly, did you mention her on a thread?  Someone mentioned her and I've been meaning to ask if you follow her.  I like the idea of teaching a fun way calculus to 5 year olds.  do you have any of her books?  Playing with Math or Camp Logic?

 

Thanks!

 

Not exactly. I have read about her work and have seen some of her messages on the Living Math Yahoo Group (but don't follow that group anymore due to time constraints) but I don't exactly follow anyone's method if that makes sense.

 

We simple made up our own math, or tweaked curriculum to suit our kid. E.g. with MEP, we didn't follow the lesson plans (although there is a lot of meat to the LPs, they made my son cry with frustration because it was too slow but he loved the worksheets). With living math we mostly followed my son's bunny trails when choosing books to read (he didn't always read the books *I* chose). With puzzles, we made some up and he created others in return for us to solve. With AoPS we only use what my son wants to work on.

 

If you like Maria's method then go for it! It's fantastic to find someone's method gelling with your child. It could be because her materials were not widely known when we started out. By the time her materials were more widely known, my son was working with a mentor for math and that took us in a different direction for a while.

 

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Dreamers, Discoverers, and Dynamos http://www.amazon.com/Dreamers-Discoverers-Dynamos-Problems-Formerly/dp/0345405730

 

Michael Clay Thompson's speeches, especially Curriculum as Profound Engagement with the World http://education.wm.edu/centers/cfge/_documents/resources/articles/currprofengagement.pdf

 

http://www.rfwp.com/pages/michael-clay-thompson/downloads/

 

Basically, I benefit most from resources that remind me to help my kids go wider, then deeper, then wider, then deeper and less from resources that are more linear (A, B, C...typical timeline/scope and sequence focused) and gee, isn't my kid a whiz to be doing x grade at x age oriented.

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I actually gained a bit more from looking at my own emotions than from reading anything about my kid's giftedness. I did some rather uncomfortable cognative behavior therapy with myself, and then started asking lots of the same sort of questions to Ds. It really helped us unpack all the emotional stuff that comes along with the gifted label. The books just came from the local library. Nothing fancy.

 

More than anything, it helped both Ds and I progress through Gifted Denial, onto Gifted Performance, and now are squarely into a place of not really caring anymore. It has been very freeing, but a rocky road for a bit. Had you asked me before if either of us were either in denial or performing, I would have said no. In looking at it honestly, we were really caught up in quite a lot of cultural baggage around the whole gifted thing.

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Not exactly. I have read about her work and have seen some of her messages on the Living Math Yahoo Group (but don't follow that group anymore due to time constraints) but I don't exactly follow anyone's method if that makes sense.

 

We simple made up our own math, or tweaked curriculum to suit our kid. E.g. with MEP, we didn't follow the lesson plans (although there is a lot of meat to the LPs, they made my son cry with frustration because it was too slow but he loved the worksheets). With living math we mostly followed my son's bunny trails when choosing books to read (he didn't always read the books *I* chose). With puzzles, we made some up and he created others in return for us to solve. With AoPS we only use what my son wants to work on.

 

If you like Maria's method then go for it! It's fantastic to find someone's method gelling with your child. It could be because her materials were not widely known when we started out. By the time her materials were more widely known, my son was working with a mentor for math and that took us in a different direction for a while.

 

 

Thanks for the input.

I haven't actually really looked into her stuff.  just browsed.  I like the idea though. 

 

I don't know anyone else who uses her stuff.  Perhaps I should start a different thread.  :) 

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I actually gained a bit more from looking at my own emotions than from reading anything about my kid's giftedness. I did some rather uncomfortable cognative behavior therapy with myself, and then started asking lots of the same sort of questions to Ds. It really helped us unpack all the emotional stuff that comes along with the gifted label. The books just came from the local library. Nothing fancy.

 

More than anything, it helped both Ds and I progress through Gifted Denial, onto Gifted Performance, and now are squarely into a place of not really caring anymore. It has been very freeing, but a rocky road for a bit. Had you asked me before if either of us were either in denial or performing, I would have said no. In looking at it honestly, we were really caught up in quite a lot of cultural baggage around the whole gifted thing.

 

I'm afraid of judging myself and reading my kid.  I don't have intuition like you seem to have.  I read things in black and white which I don't think helps with this.  I just don't want to do what my mom did to me.  Whenever I asked a question or asked why, she replied, "Because I said so."  This was mentioned in the book I mentioned above to never do this.  Which yes, is obvious to some people, but not to my mom.  I know not to do this because it was done to me.  But what have I missed?  Am I saying or denying something to my child?  I hope I'm raising/teaching him correctly.  There are many books on children with LD, so why not on giftedness? 

 

I'm not gifted, but my dh is. 

 

I'm sure I'm doing just fine and it'll all be fine in the end.  But I was just wondering  what people read to help them raise a "gifted" child. 

 

Thanks for your input!

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My intuition comes from screwing up a lot, saying I'm sorry a lot, and asking my son to openly express himself about how things are feeling for him. We have been through a lot together. He is my rock and I am his. We are best friends. So I do not know if it is intuition or just that there isn't anyone on the planet that knows me better than my kid and vise versa. That would not have been my answer four years ago. Four years ago I was in much of the same place it sounds like you are. In many ways, we raised each other because I was straight up with him about having no idea what I was doing and that I needed his help figuring it out.

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My intuition comes from screwing up a lot, saying I'm sorry a lot, and asking my son to openly express himself about how things are feeling for him. We have been through a lot together. He is my rock and I am his. We are best friends. So I do not know if it is intuition or just that there isn't anyone on the planet that knows me better than my kid and vise versa. That would not have been my answer four years ago. Four years ago I was in much of the same place it sounds like you are. In many ways, we raised each other because I was straight up with him about having no idea what I was doing and that I needed his help figuring it out.

 

Ah, I see.  I'm sure that drew you guys closer.  I do need to be more attentive.  My middle child was coming up to me saying stuff like "Mommy, 1 + 1 = 2 or 2 + 2 = 4."  Using her fingers of course.  It was a little while before I thought to myself, hey she probably wants to do some math stuff.  I don't want her to just memorize 1+1 = 2.  I want her to know why.  Anyhow, I just need to be more attentive and like you ask him questions.  Although at this age, I'm not sure how much he can express himself.  I may be surprised though. 

 

I think I question myself too because now my ds is acting a little differently.  In the past, he'll go up to strangers and just talk to them.  Generally, older kids or adults.  But since they view him as a child they don't seem to pay him much attention especially older kids. 

Now, he goes up to them and speaks really softly, kind of quickly and then turn away.  Like he's starting to put up a protective wall knowing no one is going to talk to him, but will talk to his mom.  I actually don't like to talk to strangers.  :)  Puts me in an awkward spot.  So sometimes I think I brush it off quickly.  I tried to explain that some older kids just aren't nice or don't want to talk to kids younger then them.  Ah, I'm just rambling.  This part has nothing to do with giftedness.  I was just saying that I need some guidance in parenthood.  lol 

 

I'm going to read a couple of books mentioned.  I may end up taking the same path you did, but at least I would have tried. 

 

btw, my ds (6 1/2) is argumentative.  I just assumed it was him being a boy and probably being intense, but the book suggested that it could be a sign of a gifted child.  Anyway of dealing with that?  

 

I don't like to argue, so I'm afraid I may be squashing him. 

 

You are so lucky to be best friends with your child.  :) 

 

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I'm afraid of judging myself and reading my kid.  I don't have intuition like you seem to have.  I read things in black and white which I don't think helps with this.  I just don't want to do what my mom did to me.  Whenever I asked a question or asked why, she replied, "Because I said so."  This was mentioned in the book I mentioned above to never do this.  Which yes, is obvious to some people, but not to my mom.  I know not to do this because it was done to me.  But what have I missed?  Am I saying or denying something to my child?  I hope I'm raising/teaching him correctly.  There are many books on children with LD, so why not on giftedness? 

 

I'm not gifted, but my dh is. 

 

I'm sure I'm doing just fine and it'll all be fine in the end.  But I was just wondering  what people read to help them raise a "gifted" child. 

 

Thanks for your input!

 

Oh..wrt books raising gifted children...what I have learned is that each gifted child is different from another. Just as no two neurotypical children are alike. And the suggestions/tips/descriptions of gifted children on any book, site, article are general. Sometimes the advice can be modified and implemented, sometimes not. Sometimes it backfires because of the cultural aspect of 'giftedness' which is, if I may dare say so, a very western idea. Eastern cultures place a much higher premium on effort and hard work than genetic ability.

 

Like you, I think I muddle along in the short term and adjust my parenting and hope that it all works out in the long run. :D . Good luck!

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Oh..wrt books raising gifted children...what I have learned is that each gifted child is different from another. Just as no neurotypical children are alike. And the suggestions/tips/descriptions of gifted children on any book, site, article are general. Sometimes the advice can be modified and implemented, sometimes not. Sometimes it backfires because of the cultural aspect of 'giftedness' which is, if I may dare say so, a very western idea. Eastern cultures place a much higher premium on effort and hard work than genetic ability.

 

Like you, I think I muddle along in the short term and adjust my parenting and hope that it all works out in the long run. :D . Good luck!

 

Yes.  You are right.  I never looked at it that way before.  Just raising my kids has open my eyes to the fact that no 2 kids are exactly alike. 

 

Truth be told I never thought of my child being gifted.  I thought he was normal until about a little over a year ago when I started reading this forum and realized there was one for advanced learners.  His closest friends are just as smart as he is.  His cousins aren't, but we chalked that up to the fact that their mother doesn't value education.  So, this is all new to me.  I don't even know if he is gifted, but during this past year my friends and strangers have said that he's really smart.  Especially in math.  It has taken me this long to realize that.  Like I said, I need to be more attentive.  Knocked on the side of the head.  lol 

 

Good luck to you too!  :) 

 

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desertflower, thought I'd throw in my 2 cents here.  I've tried reading a few books here and there, and while they are interesting, generally, they aren't entirely helpful.  If you have a specific topic of giftedness you want to look into to help your child, then I've found that more helpful than giftedness as a whole books.  For example, my 4 year old has far more excitabilities than my 10 year old ever did.  She's extremely sensitive to food textures, sounds, moods, etc.  My son never was.  So I have been trying to read more about that aspect so I can help her not be terrified of things like thunder, smoke alarms, and beeping noises that are a part of everyday life.

 

Other than that, simply the fact that you are TRYING is the best thing you can do.  I feel like I'm royally screwing up my kids at least once every few weeks.  Take some time and just use trial and error to figure out what works best for you and your child.  It's okay to say that something isn't working.  And I've found it really helpful, particularly in the case of my 10 year old, to ask him what his goals are.  Then I help him put together a plan for him to meet that goal.  And then I see it as my job to help him stick to it.  For example, he wants to begin pre-algebra by January, so I found the books that he needs to complete first, and then we talked about how he can complete the 2 levels that he needs to complete so he can start PA by January.  It means that he has to do some math over the summer.  Which he readily agreed to do.  Well, of course, because it's summertime there are other things  he would rather do than math when it's actually time to do the work; so I have to tell him that he need to complete XYZ math lessons.  He generally sighs, but once he gets started he's perfectly content and engaged.  

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About muddling along, needing to be more attentive...this applies to all of us doesn't it? We moms hold ourselves up to some standard of perfect all the time and well, it doesn't work that way does it? I know some parents seem more put together than others and that might be personality or having their own parents being more patient with them. But even then, I don't believe anyone comes into motherhood or "gifted motherhood" knowing everything. We just can't be everything we need to be all the time. We need those knocks to keep learning.

 

Case in point, I've read a few books on giftedness and although I realized it late (level of giftedness), I have been parenting my son for 12+ years and homeschooling him about 3/4 of that time and feel like I should know more than I do. But I am also always worrying about why my son doesn't write like other 12yos. I *know* about asynchronous development and yet I still bungle it up each time I try to teach him to write. So I spent this morning hugging him and saying I am sorry because I feel like I was rotten to him yesterday morning when he couldn't whip out a simple summary when I even helped by asking him to write just three simple sentences. But he hugs me back and says it was fine and I wasn't being rotten to him at all. And then I worry that I have made him to be so compliant that he doesn't even realize I was being rotten to him and it just spirals from there. Then I force myself to stop, take a deep breath and focus on the now. The present. He is smiling about something our dog did and I force myself to stop feeling guilty about yesterday and just focus on the silliness of the dog and his fondness for our pet and the moment we have now. I make a mental note to let the writing sit idle a little while more because he wants to talk about a math proof he had just heard about. And so it goes.

 

This happens to me all the time...this constant muddling and feeling like I am ruining his life. I read SENG articles when I can. I read books about giftedness that others recommend to me but I am the only one living *my* life, parenting *my* child and I know it's hard to find what I need in books. Some books come closer than others do though and it's nice to find those. But yeah, I haven't figured it out yet...still muddling along.

 

I sometimes wonder when I read posts by veteran parents...they seem so assured and confident. I wonder if I will ever get there. :) Desertflower, I feel like I need parenting guidance too.

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I find books are a symptomatic relief when parenting.  For example, the spirited book was useful to me for tips on parenting my intense children.  The SPD books were useful to me for coping strategies for my children's sensory issues. 

 

Argumentative people runs in my extended family and we have plenty of early talkers :)  We just go by the you can argue all you want but keep it civil and no quarrelling.

 

I know some parents seem more put together than others and that might be personality or having their own parents being more patient with them.

...

I sometimes wonder when I read posts by veteran parents...they seem so assured and confident. I wonder if I will ever get there.

 

My maternal and paternal grandma as well as my mom and aunts definitely have personality in spades :lol:

 

While there are definitely people who are assured and confident,  I can also honestly say that appearing assured and confident can be a side effect of taking up a marketing or sales job.  I can be stressed up and nervous but still appear a picture of calm when I had to do a technical marketing pitch.

 

My oldest still need me beside him to fall asleep.  Asynchronous development at work.  It is still a roller coaster ride most days x 2 in my house.

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I sometimes wonder when I read posts by veteran parents...they seem so assured and confident. I wonder if I will ever get there.  :) Desertflower, I feel like I need parenting guidance too.

 

You get some things right.  You get some things wrong.  You do the best you can.  But, it is also not 100% our responsibility.  Children have free-will and they also make decisions that impact their lives.  My kids make plenty of good and poor choices along the way as well.  Life is life and we don't get to live in hindsight and do-overs.   ;)

 

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You get some things right. You get some things wrong. You do the best you can. But, it is also not 100% our responsibility. Children have free-will and they also make decisions that impact their lives. My kids make plenty of good and poor choices along the way as well. Life is life and we don't get to live in hindsight and do-overs. ;)

Yes! This has been on my mind lately, and a slight shift of perspective has really helped me out - I'm responsible for meeting DS' needs, not for producing a certain type of person.

 

I'll second SENG articles! They've been useful to me as I reflect on my own experience growing up as an outlier, and have given me more language for my thoughts around caring for my child.

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Thank you sportsmom for your input.  Thank you quark for sharing your experience.  So sweet.  Thank you Arcadia, 8, Pegs, and Epcuriean.

 

I'm going to be mia for a little while.  Something called vacation? Ever heard of it?  :)  More like more work right before you settle somewhere else.  lol

 

Need actual down time. 

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Case in point, I've read a few books on giftedness and although I realized it late (level of giftedness), I have been parenting my son for 12+ years and homeschooling him about 3/4 of that time and feel like I should know more than I do. But I am also always worrying about why my son doesn't write like other 12yos. I *know* about asynchronous development and yet I still bungle it up each time I try to teach him to write. So I spent this morning hugging him and saying I am sorry because I feel like I was rotten to him yesterday morning when he couldn't whip out a simple summary when I even helped by asking him to write just three simple sentences. But he hugs me back and says it was fine and I wasn't being rotten to him at all. And then I worry that I have made him to be so compliant that he doesn't even realize I was being rotten to him and it just spirals from there. Then I force myself to stop, take a deep breath and focus on the now.

 

This happens to me all the time...this constant muddling and feeling like I am ruining his lif.

So. Much. This. I am pretty sure my son is going to be a wonderfully understanding husband someday because I come off as a total basket case. If he can handle me (and he does so well most of the time) then the kid is definitely learning something!

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So. Much. This. I am pretty sure my son is going to be a wonderfully understanding husband someday because I come off as a total basket case. If he can handle me (and he does so well most of the time) then the kid is definitely learning something!

 

:grouphug: I hope for the same thing. There needs to be a smiley of two baskets toasting each other. 

 

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This thread brought to mind a book I hadn't thought of for quite some time.

 

Mothering Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within by Kathryn Black

 

Flipping through the various pages I marked years ago gave me chills. One of them discusses the mother of a gifted twelve-year-old daughter spending hours in the car each day so the girl can attend an appropriate school for her "unusual academic needs." Chills. If only I had known when I marked that passage how closely it would resemble my life. The passage has come to mind many, many times. Actually reading it again was surreal.

 

"It would be a mistake to think she doesn't need me now, because she does, but in totally new ways I can't quite verbalize. So before I can stake my claim to my hours, I have to get past the question that looms like a gatekeeper: What does my daughter need? Really  need, not apparently need as seen from my eyes looking past her to the freedom to be self-involved, which I'd have if only I didn't spend so much time accommodating her. "

 

"The complexity of this child is not going to go away just because she's growing older. Her interface with the world will only get more challenging, not less. Now's the time to be here, not to fade away."

 

I so needed to read that right now as we try to juggle driving schedules for the fall. Thank you, everyone, for prompting me to pull the book off the shelf for the first time in forever...

 

 

 

 

 

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Yes! This has been on my mind lately, and a slight shift of perspective has really helped me out - I'm responsible for meeting DS' needs, not for producing a certain type of person.

 

Wow, Pegs. Perhaps you might not have attached as much importance to the bolded statement as I am perceiving but it is truly something I needed to read, hear and remember. Thank you. This is perhaps why I second guess so much. I keep picturing a certain type of person, one who would write as much as I did as a child...and I have to keep reminding myself that my DS is not that person.

 

This thread brought to mind a book I hadn't thought of for quite some time.

 

Mothering Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within by Kathryn Black

 

Flipping through the various pages I marked years ago gave me chills. One of them discusses the mother of a gifted twelve-year-old daughter spending hours in the car each day so the girl can attend an appropriate school for her "unusual academic needs." Chills. If only I had known when I marked that passage how closely it would resemble my life. The passage has come to mind many, many times. Actually reading it again was surreal.

 

"It would be a mistake to think she doesn't need me now, because she does, but in totally new ways I can't quite verbalize. So before I can stake my claim to my hours, I have to get past the question that looms like a gatekeeper: What does my daughter need? Really  need, not apparently need as seen from my eyes looking past her to the freedom to be self-involved, which I'd have if only I didn't spend so much time accommodating her. "

 

"The complexity of this child is not going to go away just because she's growing older. Her interface with the world will only get more challenging, not less. Now's the time to be here, not to fade away."

 

I so needed to read that right now as we try to juggle driving schedules for the fall. Thank you, everyone, for prompting me to pull the book off the shelf for the first time in forever...

 

Another wow. I have to read this book! The Spark book was another that really resonated with me but her situation was definitely more extreme...and different too because she had two other boys to care for.

 

My son is not going to be a neat, well-rounded kid. He is going to need me to hang around in the car, in college hallways and cafeterias for years to come while also needing my help with the written word for maybe ages more. He is going to be oh so independent in some ways and oh so dependent in others and I just have to suck it up and realize that I am not going to know which is which exactly when.

 

I heart you guys. Thank you for this discussion.

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Wow, Pegs. Perhaps you might not have attached as much importance to the bolded statement as I am perceiving but it is truly something I needed to read, hear and remember. Thank you.

Erm, yes. You're welcome. Embarrassingly, it's a product of my latest philosophical crisis. I've come to realise that my current life circumstances, in combination with where I'm at with my own moral development, make Ethics of Care more meaningful to me than Ethics of Justice, right now. I've enjoyed reflecting on this in relation to my own education, and I've noted that I learn close to capacity at times when my intellectual (and other) needs are met. I hope that this understanding will aid me in identifying DS' needs, and in teaching him to express them and respond to them himself, in time.

 

So, I *do* attach much importance to Ethics of Care, and let these ideas move me to action, I just try not to geek-out over it too often, in public. ;)

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Another wow. I have to read this book! The Spark book was another that really resonated with me but her situation was definitely more extreme...and different too because she had two other boys to care for.

 

 

The situation I quoted comprised only one or two pages of the book. There are myriad situations mentioned, but that was the one that struck closest to home. Or at least the one that has stayed with me the longest...

 

The book is heavy on developing the mother and not so much about any specific kind of child. I do think there is perhaps a stronger leaning toward mothers and daughters, but I don't remember for sure. Just wanted to give you a heads up, just in case.

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Has anyone else read A Case of Brilliance? I just read it and it really irritated me :) I'd love to discuss it with someone.

 

How did you know I am drinking root beer? :laugh: :001_wub: :cheers2:

 

OP, I agree with WMA about biographies. If you have a particularly mischievous gifted young one, you might like to read Feynman's books (Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman for example). I was particularly inspired by how Feynman's father taught him (e.g. to understand the size of one thing in relation to other things).

 

Actually, there's another book I forgot to mention. A Case of Brilliance by Rebecca Hein. Her children are very musically gifted.

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Has anyone else read A Case of Brilliance? I just read it and it really irritated me :) I'd love to discuss it with someone.

 

I would have to wait until my next trip to a bigger library. The author teach cello so the book might interest my boys as well.

 

ETA:

I'm reading The Self-Proppelled Advantage by Joanne Calderwood now. My oldest took a peek at the page I was reading and laugh.

 

ETA:

The further bigger library doesn't have it either in its catalog. Link+ it is. Maybe Barnes and Noble might have.

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Has anyone else read A Case of Brilliance? I just read it and it really irritated me :) I'd love to discuss it with someone.

 

 

Now you have me intrigued..going to check the book out.

btw..why did it irritate you?

 

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Has anyone else read A Case of Brilliance? I just read it and it really irritated me :) I'd love to discuss it with someone.

 

 

I read it about three years ago and mostly remember feeling happy to find a book about PG kids written by their mom. :bigear: about why it irritated you.

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I certainly don't want to offend anyone who liked the book.  So, here goes...

I was disappointed that it was more about the mom's journey to accept own giftedness and less about her kids.  I felt like there was an element of "me too" ness to her immediate redirection of discussion of her kids' IQs to an assumption that it was an explanation of every problem she'd had in life.  I've always known my IQ and never had to adjust to the idea of "giftedness."  I've also not found any compelling reason to get my boys tested.  I'm sure their IQs are also very high, but I don't think its the most useful indicator for success.

I disliked that she used IQ to justify everything from demanding that they improve every aspect of their cello playing at the same time, to not being able to perform basic self care tasks.

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure why the book made me so uncomfortable.  I'm reading it while my 11 yr old son attends a very advanced adult jazz strings camp, and I'm spending a lot of time here discussing homeschooling and musical prodigies (the latter everyone if fine with, the former not so much)...so its all on my mind right now.

I was also disappointed that we don't find out how the kids turned out.  Did hour long daily cello lessons from the age of 2-6 produce a virtuoso or did the kids burn out?  

So, has anyone else read it?

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I had a chance to exchange some emails with Rebecca after reading the book. I can't reveal what she said without her permission but the impression I got  from her emails was that her children were happy and "successful" as adolescents in their own way. That they were able to own their education and lead happy lives. I received the impression that discovering giftedness and the related quirks really changed the way she looked at parenting her kids and I don't think of that as a bad thing. I, of course, do not subscribe to the idea that giftedness is an excuse for certain types of behavior but I am researching asynchronous development and the link between that and giftedness seems to be very pronounced. I do have a very asynchronous kid and I must admit that identifying his IQ helped me to at least calm down a little and understand a little bit more about why he is so all over the map. Prior to that I was worried it was something else (due to family health history).

 

For me, I read the book when I was at the stage where I had to understand giftedness better. I didn't grow up knowing my IQ. IQ wasn't even mentioned in our family or among relatives...other than amongst kids who wanted to brag about knowing more than their fellow friends but usually it was just the kind of talk kids exchange and nothing was debated or discussed in depth. I grew up in a very different culture. I was always the shy one, feeling extremely stupid rather than smart. :laugh:

 

Definitely a different strokes for different folks thing. I don't think my DH would have liked the book fwiw. He doesn't have patience for such things. The world is a lot more black and white for him.

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Quark, I can completely see what you're saying.  I think my reaction to the book was colored by my expectations.  My son is becoming much less asynchronous as he gets older, and once we were able to address spelling.  I did have to laugh at her description of her PG son trying to clean his desk.  Mine is pretty hopeless when it comes to that too.

I'm glad to hear that her kids are happy and thriving.  I have over analyzed the question of how much to push musically and when to lay off.  In our situation, laying off is usually the right answer.  In hers it might have been to push (by pushing I mean demanding perfection).  If I were to tell my son to fix his bow hold, change his phrasing, correct something technical and improve his tone all at the same time, I'm sure he would completely shut down (if he didn't throw something at me).

Thanks for the discussion.  I feel better about the book now.

I'm still looking for the "right" book about musical prodigies :)  Teaching Genius Dorothy Delay and the Making of a Musician was great.

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We sometimes have a hard time with music here and I have just decided to lay off. It comes in spurts...too few for my liking but I know it won't work if I pushed it. Actually, I would love a book that told me when to push when and to better identify who is pushing whom lol. I vacillate too much between the 2 extremes of relaxed and pushy when I start panicking about something (but pushy of course doesn't work and leaves the both of us cranky and upset and out of sorts). I tried pushing writing this summer...no go. I don't know if Rebecca has the answer. Often, it is the journey to discovery that intrigues me. How parents start off one way, make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes and adjust parenting to fit. I like reading about parents who are willing to adjust because it tells me we are all so human and want the best for our kids but also that our kids are their own persons and we need to respect that.

 

I'm a reading a book now called The Perfect Son and although I won't call it a masterpiece, it's striking a chord because of how the dad is changing and learning more about his kid. I don't see myself taking extremes like this dad but I see how flawed he is and how he is willing to accept those flaws and adjust for his son's welfare. Haven't finished it yet so I don't know in which direction it will go.

 

Donna might have ideas on books about musical prodigies!

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