Jump to content

Menu

3rd grader narration...feedback please!


waa510
 Share

Recommended Posts

I asked DD to give me a narration of the story of Cincinnatus and this is what she wrote down for me. We've done WWE 1-4, SWI-A a bit, and various other little workbooks. We're using Write from History next year as I don't think she's ready for WWS. I'm also struggling to get her R&S 5 grammar into her writing. What should I focus on and how can I help improve her writing? 

 

 

Cincinnatus was a wealthy Roman senator, until his son stole things and Cincinnatus had to pay all of his fortune to keep the boy free. Cincinnatus was forced to work on a farm outside of Rome. One day, Roman soldiers marched to his home and told him that enemy soldiers were attacking and they needed his help. The senators had voted for him to become dictator of Rome so that he could make decisions about what to do very quickly. Cincinnatus rode on horseback to Rome. At night, he rallied his soldiers and overtook the enemy. People were worried that he might try to become king. But Cincinnatus went back to his field and finished plowing the field he had left for 16 days. Cincinnatus is honored today for being selfless in not seizing power in Rome when he could. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ETA:

Ack! I missed that this was a 3rd grader!!  I didn't notice the title and just looked at your sig and saw the other things she was using, I missed the age.  For a 3rd grader, I think it's a really great piece of writing! I assumed it was a 5th grader's writing, and that is what my comments were based on.  I'll leave them, because I think the basic idea is still relevant, but I would just pat you both on the back for this level of writing in 3rd grade, and say you have nothing to worry about! Work on paragraphing, work on choosing strong, vivid nouns and verbs, work on varying her sentences a little bit.  By 5th grade she'll be a rock star writer!

 

Previous comment:

 

I don't think it's a bad effort at all, she has no glaring grammar or spelling errors, and she has some well-constructed two clause sentences.  It looks like the kind of thing a lot of kids pop out for the first few lessons of WWS.  WWS doesn't spend much time talking about topic sentences and coherent paragraphs, and that's what I think your dd could use some focus on.  Her piece reads kind of like a collection of sentences, rather than a coherent paragraph about a topic.  I think I'd start with asking her - who is this paragraph about? Why is he important and remembered? Point out that she has placed her topic sentence at the end of the paragraph.  That's fine - but does she realize that's what it is and that's what she's done? So in this case, each sentence should be related to and building up to that main idea - that Cincinnatus is honored for not seizing power when he had the chance.  Ask her to go through each sentence and decide if it contributes to that main idea.  She might realize that the sentence "Cincinnatus rode on horseback to Rome" isn't really contributing to the main idea and decide to drop it.

 

Go through this exercise with her for all of her assignments - what is the main idea? Do all the sentences in the paragraph contribute to the main idea?  Try different kinds of paragraphs - descriptive, expository, how-tos, etc., not just chronological narrative type paragraphs.  That will strengthen her paragraph construction skills.

 

The sentences don't have a lot of variety - that's a style thing.  What helped my dd develop a voice/style the most was working through a Killgallon books - she used Grammar for Middle School, but I don't really think it matters which book you use.  It teaches kids to vary their sentence construction and style and choose vivid "chunks" to construct interesting sentences.  You can teach this without a program, of course, but I found that using Killgallon was really painless for both of us, and the changes started showing up in her writing pretty quickly.

 

I think it's a solid effort, nothing to feel at all bad about.  She clearly has the basic mechanics down, and she understood what she read and communicated her idea with clarity.  You have a solid base from which to build.  With a little effort she'll be writing much more smoothly.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks so much for your feedback and guidance! I really appreciate it. I was considering picking up Grammar for Middle School so that's encouraging that you suggested it as a helpful resource. I'll add that one in. 

 

And lol, yes..I should have specified more that she's about 8 1/2 now and a rising 4th. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Suddenly I feel like my 8 1/2 soon to be third grader is woefully behind...

 

 

Oh gosh, please please don't feel bad about your kid's progress! Mine is a rising 4th and a chronic overachiever. Kids like her are so hard to teach!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...