Jump to content

Menu

Wealth and Poverty -- an Essay


Gil
 Share

Recommended Posts

I'm looking for ideas about what went wrong besides obvious misspellings. I need some guidance about how to look at composition for  things like flow, grammar, vocabulary etc.
 

Wealth and Poverty
by Pal (7)

Wealth has 3 definitions in the dictionary. The dictionary says that wealth is a) a large amount of money and possessions. b) the value of all the property, possessions, and money that someone or something has and. c) a large amount or number. Poverty has 2 definitions in the dictionary: The dictionary says that poverty is a) the state of being poor and b) a lack OF something. But there is something else to wealth and poverty. Both of them wealth and poverty are nouns. A noun is a whole class of words that are labels to a person, place, thing or idea. Today I want to write about the idea of wealth and the idea of poverty.

When you ask people about wealth they will usually talk about it as it is about money and having stuff that you can buy with your money. When you ask people about poverty they will tell you about how it is when you don't have many things and you have even less money like a lot of people do who live in bad areas of the world. The people who live in poverty are like peasants who have no way out of their area. They are slumdogs without the millions.

But money is not the only way that you can be wealthy. Wealthiness can be because you have valuable resources that you can use, and the most valuable thing that you have is a loving family. Not just relatives, but family. If you and your family love each other you will stand by one another and work like a community then you will have the help and support that someone with a lot of money can buy, but your family is forever going to love and support you when you make mistakes, they will help you. The family will protect you and defend you and help you grow and stay strong in really bad times.

The other side is that there are more than one ways to be poverty too. If you have a lot of money--more money than Opra Winfrey and Bill Gates too--but you have no family that loves you, no friends that care about you and no community that supports with you then you might as well be begging on the street corner with a sign like a lot of people who have no money do. If your family loves your money, your friends care about your money and your community supports your money you are in BIG troubel.

You should find the wealth that you do have and appreciate it because whether f it is in your bank or at your birthday party, it is a resource that can be used to make your life better. It is better to have both types of wealth but if you can only pick one, then I pick the kind that comes to the birthday.

Also you should fight against poverty if it is in your bank and you should fight even harder if it is the kind that comes to your birthday. When you are money-poverty you have to eat a lot of artificial food and drinks because that is what you can afford. And when you are family-poverty you get to share great food and take fun trips with artificial friends and family. If you have to pick one kind of poverty remember that we will all need someone at some-point and pick a lack of money. If you don't, then you lack all your common sense.

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, Gil, that brought tears to my eyes.  It is truly phenomenal that such a young child could produce such a piece of writing.  I think you have found your groove.  I would just keep doing what you are doing.   Educate yourself more about punctuation and the finer points of grammar and as he gets older, just discuss those with him and ask him to proofread for what you discuss.  

 

FWIW, I would look for some children's writing competitions and see if you can find one where this one fits the parameters.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is an excellent essay!! 

 

One thing that would help is to have him read the essay out loud.  This will help to find the run-on sentences.  (If he runs out of breath before he hits a comma or a period, it is probably too long.)

 

Have him go through the essay and delete the sentences that are not really about the topic (wealth and poverty are nouns).

 

Organization is where I would focus.  Outlining the essay before writing it might be helpful for him so that his paragraphs have a logical flow.

 

 

 

This is work for both of you to be proud of, Gil.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is an excellent essay!! 

 

One thing that would help is to have him read the essay out loud.  This will help to find the run-on sentences.  (If he runs out of breath before he hits a comma or a period, it is probably too long.)

 

Have him go through the essay and delete the sentences that are not really about the topic (wealth and poverty are nouns).

 

Organization is where I would focus.  Outlining the essay before writing it might be helpful for him so that his paragraphs have a logical flow.

 

 

 

This is work for both of you to be proud of, Gil.

 

When I first read the sentence referred to in the bolded, I thought the same thing until I kept reading.  I think he proved his point.  He was trying to say that while they may refer to tangible wealth, they are also abstract ideas.  I think that is where the entire noun sentence came in b/c he qualified it immediately afterward by stating they are ideas.  For a 7 yr old to find a way to express that, I think is absolutely priceless, and I would not touch it at all.  

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I first read the sentence referred to in the bolded, I thought the same thing until I kept reading.  I think he proved his point.  He was trying to say that while they may refer to tangible wealth, they are also abstract ideas.  I think that is where the entire noun sentence came in b/c he qualified it immediately afterward by stating they are ideas.  For a 7 yr old to find a way to express that, I think is absolutely priceless, and I would not touch it at all.  

 

Point conceded. :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you go about busting up run-on sentences? I'm know that I probably use a lot of run on sentences in my writing so I need to recognize and break the habit myself before I can begin trying to correct them on it.

 

When I first read the sentence referred to in the bolded, I thought the same thing until I kept reading.  I think he proved his point.  He was trying to say that while they may refer to tangible wealth, they are also abstract ideas.  I think that is where the entire noun sentence came in b/c he qualified it immediately afterward by stating they are ideas.  For a 7 yr old to find a way to express that, I think is absolutely priceless, and I would not touch it at all.  

That is pretty much exactly what he was getting at in his own way. He really struggled with this essay and actually asked for a different topic after the first couple of days because he felt that he wasn't getting anywhere and that it was too hard. We wound up using one of the strategies for introducing your topic that I got out of my ENG 102 textbook--definitions.
 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you go about busting up run-on sentences? I'm know that I probably use a lot of run on sentences in my writing so I need to recognize and break the habit myself before I can begin trying to correct them on it.

 

You need to be able to identify the subject and the verb for each main clause.  You can connect clauses, but different rules apply to the appropriate punctuation for connecting them.  If there is no coordinating or subordinating conjunction with the appropriate punctuation, you have a run-on sentence.  You need a final punctuation mark and a new sentence construction.

 

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/33/

 

 

 

That is pretty much exactly what he was getting at in his own way. He really struggled with this essay and actually asked for a different topic after the first couple of days because he felt that he wasn't getting anywhere and that it was too hard. We wound up using one of the strategies for introducing your topic that I got out of my ENG 102 textbook--definitions.

 

And that is why it  is obvious that it is his authentic writing.  An adult would not have phrased it the way he did.  It really reflects the thinking of a precocious child.  Definitely leave it alone!  My suggestion for entering it into a writing competition was an honest one.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...