medawyn Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Like me... the one married to my wonderful, fun- loving, amazing, and often times frustrating and confusing to me DH? Any favorite books to help me "get" him better? I'm needing to do some reading to both help me communicate better and to see the places where my frustrations are possibly stemming from ADHD rather than just marriage with small kids frustrations. Also accepting BTDT advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Not really a resource but a few things that have helped. My dh takes 2-3 country life EFA 3 mood fish oils every day. They high levels of EPA help his ADHD....not cure but does help. I write lists of where to go, when to go, what to buy, schedule of I am gone etc. He says that really helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I read both Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction by Edward Hallowell (There is another called Answers to Distraction that I would like to read, too!) and found them very helpful. They're written TO the person with ADD/ADHD if I remember correctly but I loved the tone and practicality. I think there are a lot of books out there that basically give a pass to a LOT of behaviors by those with ADD/ADHD that can be harmful to relationships under the guise of celebrating how awesomely different one's brain is. What they are really asking is that others just suck it up and accept difficult behaviors and habits with NO expectations for change. That's bull. Dh has gotten a LOT better and, yes, I needed to do it with loving support but not by just shrugging off the behaviors and saying, "Oh well! We both have to live like this 'cuz that's how he's made!" Wah wahhhh. LOL We BOTH make accommodations for this issue, just like we do with so many other things. We expect to try and do better every single day of our marriage. OK, off soapbox. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrusheights5 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Add and loving it made me understand my DH so much more. It was a special on pbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I don't have ADHD but I NEED a schedule, on gcal, with all events, and reminders, with a sound to function in family life. I cannot do more than just me without it. My partner thought I was joking. I was not. I still forget to charge my phone but most of the time I'm okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 All ears... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 The Executive Functioning weaknesses cause the most frustration here. As far as essential tools here goes: Shared Google calendar with detailed event notes and time blocked out for travel iPhone reminders for routine chores IPhone reminders/calendar a week out for birthdays and anniversaries Streamlined household: everything has a place (including a place for keys to be hung up as he comes in the door), very open so everything can be seen, minimal possessions Acknowledgment that I should handle papers & bills or things should be on auto-bill Regular dates: we need time away from kids, by blocking dates on the calendar as part of our weekly routine, it's more likely to happen If you have an adhd husband, odds are you have one or more adhd kids---same tips apply. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 BTDT. Medication for him saved my sanity. And possibly our marriage. Driven to Distraction is a good book. Also, routines help. My husband uses notes on his phone to remind him of pretty much everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Driven to Distraction is a good book. Also by Edward Hallowell (author of book mentioned above): Answer to Distraction Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 You, me and adult add Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 You, me, and adult add Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder http://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Coaster-Someone-Attention-Disorder/dp/0981548709 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medawyn Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 Thank you all! I'm taking notes and making a reading list. DH is traveling a ton in the next few weeks, so I'll have some evenings to actually sit down and read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medawyn Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 DP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 BTDT. Medication for him saved my sanity. And possibly our marriage. Driven to Distraction is a good book. Also, routines help. My husband uses notes on his phone to remind him of pretty much everything. I've been told that meds are less effective in an adults than children. Have you found this to be true? Was there a lot of adjustment time or adjustment to meds? Complications? Meds with a kid has been GREAT. I am afraid to hope for lightning to strike twice in the same house. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandragood1 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Meds work just as well for adults. But. Adults have decades of experience "working around" their ADHD and bad mental habits. Ideally add meds and see a counselor for a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Meds work just as well for adults. But. Adults have decades of experience "working around" their ADHD and bad mental habits. Ideally add meds and see a counselor for a bit. Hmm, I heard the bit about meds and effectiveness for adults from a psychologist with experience regarding adult ADHD. So, do the meds help a person "re-wire" new habits? I'm curious to see what others say about their experiences with adults on meds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.