I just want to crawl up in a hole and quit!

[mom2agang]

I'm a mom to 12. I birthed all my children. Normally when I meet other large families with all the learning disabilities like mine, the children were adopted. (Don't take this wrong. I love adoption)A lot of the children have problems stemming from a birth mother on drugs/alcohol during pregnancy or physical abuse.i never did any of that. I have several children with learning disabilities.Hannah(14) with dyslexia, Rebekah(12) with severe dyslexia and audio processing. Nehemiah (9) severe verbal apraxia Gideon (8) really severe verbal apraxia.adhd, Severe dyslexia, audio processing and keep the pen out we are still "labeling" him. Titus(7) severe apraxia levi(3) showing all signs of apraxia.

 

Some days,I'm losing my mind. Everyone needs one on one reading help. Some days, I wonder if I could have done something different to prevent some of this.some days, it feels like I'm getting no where with them and destroying any good relationship between us because of the frustration of " I know you know this! We just memorized it yesterday!" I think I mumble phonic letter sounds in my sleep! There is a big curriculum fair coming up. I so want to go and look at the books. But then it's like BTDT with every curriculum trying to find something that works.im burnt out looking/trying Curriculums. I'm to the point where I want one straight box curriculum for everyone. The famous "if they went to school they would have one curriculum fits all!" But then I realize they would be in special Ed and their teacher would custom their education to fit their needs. Like I need to.you see large families like the Duggars "We use such and such curriculum " me:" Which kid which grade and what subject" the "Erika jumps around curriculum " makes me cringe!!! No! I customized! It's like I have a dozen cookies but not all chocolate chip. I have one of each kind. I feel stretched thin! Some days it's my dh doesn't seem to understand the extent of their learning disabilities.( He's a die hard homeschoolers.) but there is one of me and 12 of them and don't forget therapy appt. Drs dentist sports etc...

Sorry for venting :( hopefully I'm not alone. I'm just hanging on to the very end of my sanity right now. I guess when I decided to homeschool I had a a different picture in my head. Kids eager to learn units studies and crafts. Not phonics everyday, all day for the last 100 years!

 

( but if you have any curriculum or workbooks,flash cards games etc that really helped you out let me know. I'm going to the curriculum fair)

[OneStepAtATime]

You couldn't have prevented dyslexia with something you did nor did you cause it with some sort of external something you didn't do. They were in all likelihood born with a dyslexic brain. It tends to run in families. It has a genetic component. Have you read The Dyslexic Advantage By Brock and Fernette Eide?

 

Can you outsource helping your children? Are there specialized tutors in your area that might be able to take some of the load?

 

Honestly with that many needing specialized help you might seriously consider putting a couple of them in school. Go through the process of getting an IEP and just see how they do.

 

Good luck.

[maize]

No advice, but want to echo OneStep: these things tend to run in families, you didn't choose your genes or how they would be passed on. My own kids are all kinds of quirky, and mostly I can look at my own and my husband's families and say "yep, there's the ADHD, there's dyslexia, there's anxiety, over there are the speech issues..." Now there are strengths and abilities in the gene pool as well, everything just gets mixed together in new combinations in the next generation.

 

I would also be tempted to try school for a couple of them. If that is not an option is there a local homeschooled teen who would come help with tutoring for a reasonable fee? I only have six children and already struggle to keep up with their needs.

[merry gardens]

Regarding the title of your thread:

 

Some days I think I'd like to just curl up in a ball. It hit me yesterday as our bulbs (daffodils, tulips, etc.) begin to bloom that flower bulbs spend most of the year just all curled up in a ball. No leaves, no blossoms, just funny, small, brown, roundish object that looks like nothing special. They spend most of their life buried in a dirt hole.

 

Last fall as I was planting some bulbs, a family emergency happened. The next couple of days, a family member spent at the hospital and life hasn't been the same since. As the leaves to the bulbs have now emerged and they prepare to bloom, I'm reflecting a lot about how they spent their winter all curled up in a ball, placed in the dirt. I look forward to their bloom; it represents triumph over adversity. 

 

If we have to curl up in ball and crawl into a hole for a while, it doesn't have to mean we're quitting; we might just be resting through a winter, awaiting for our time to bloom.

[OneStepAtATime]

Regarding the title of your thread:

 

Some days I think I'd like to just curl up in a ball. It hit me yesterday as our bulbs (daffodils, tulips, etc.) begin to bloom that flower bulbs spend most of the year just all curled up in a ball. No leaves, no blossoms, just funny, small, brown, roundish object that looks like nothing special. They spend most of their life buried in a dirt hole.

 

Last fall as I was planting some bulbs, a family emergency happened. The next couple of days, a family member spent at the hospital and life hasn't been the same since. As the leaves to the bulbs have now emerged and they prepare to bloom, I'm reflecting a lot about how they spent their winter all curled up in a ball, placed in the dirt. I look forward to their bloom; it represents triumph over adversity. 

 

If we have to curl up in ball and crawl into a hole for a while, it doesn't have to mean we're quitting; we might just be resting through a winter, awaiting for our time to bloom.

Beautifully put, MG....

[raindrops]

Not that you need another curriculum to "try", but I've been using more and more from CLE (Christian Light Education) because it can be done independently for the most part.  I go over their mistakes with them later that day or the next.  It's easy, open & go, spiral, and people in this forum speak highly of it. 

[PeterPan]

You asked for materials recommendations.  For dyslexia and apraxia there's almost nothing worth buying at the curriculum fair.  NOTHING.  I went to the Cincy convention, biggest one in the country, and came back just with fun stuff (Kumon, games, etc.).  

 

Barton

LIPS

 

and then PROMPT speech therapy.  www.promptinstitute.org  Find a provider from their list, put all your apraxic kids in there, once a week, taking up the whole day if necessary.

 

LIPS plus PROMPT is amazing for busting through the phonological processing.  Neither alone got my ds there.  Software like Earobics was worthless with him.  AAR pre, worthless.  You actually have to get physical and help their brains CONNECT how it feels, how it looks, how it sounds.

 

And yes, it's hard, like brain surgery hard.

 

Does your state offer any services?  I'll just make suggestions here, not an implication of what you *should* do but just options.  You could hire a high quality dyslexia tutor with experience with apraxia, and she could come to your home twice a week for however many hours it takes to work through all the kids who need it.  On the other days, the kids go to a charter school or the ps.  They would need IEPs.  But what I'm saying is if you're NOT paying for math, history, science, etc., that leaves you the ability to put all that money you would have spent (whatever your budget is) into the tutoring.  

 

As far as practice, Quizlet is where it's at.  Quizlet is the bees' knees, really and truly.  And it's FREE.  Get Grandma to fund Kindles for each kid.  You can get a Kindle HDX (what my ds uses) for around $118.  Each kid gets one and you put the Quizlet app on it.  Then you set up a Quizlet account, get all your Barton lists entered in, and get everyone hooked up.  Or the reading tutor creates drill lists and THOSE go into Quizlet.  But Quizlet not only does flashcards but will play all sorts of games (matching, spelling, etc.).  There's no reason for you to work hard on this when Quizlet will do it for you.

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

LiPS

Barton

Kindle with audio books

 

OhE is right.  Please re-read her post a few times and let it sink in.  The above may be a big help.  The first two are going to take time and effort on your part.  They are great for remediation and waaaaay cheaper than paying for tutoring, especially with that many children needing help.  They are teacher intensive out of necessity, though.  These kids need a lot of systematic help.  Getting some of that outsourced may very much be the better option, if you can.

[PeterPan]

I'm not sure cheaper is necessarily the best goal.  I would mortgage your house, if necessary, if that's what it takes to get it done.  There's no crime in doing what it takes to take care of your kids and we are NOT super human.  She might herself be dyslexic.  I know the op has posted enough over the years with struggles that this is a long-standing issue.  So once you know that, sometimes it's better to take a drastic step, maybe something you hadn't considered before.  

 

That's why I was saying get way out of the box.  Instead of doing everything yourself, ask for help.  Get the ps to do as much as they can and use your funds to do tutoring pullouts.  Or see if your state has charter schools that specialize in dyslexia and SN.  Some will have these tutors on staff.  Contact your state department of ed and see what helps there are in your state that you don't yet know about.  They aren't necessarily advertised.  

 

[FairProspects]

You asked for materials recommendations.  For dyslexia and apraxia there's almost nothing worth buying at the curriculum fair.  NOTHING.  I went to the Cincy convention, biggest one in the country, and came back just with fun stuff (Kumon, games, etc.).  

 

 

Yup, this. Sometimes I drag the poor parents of dyslexics over to the IEW booth to show them the first few levels of AAS and explain how that differs from Barton and what the tiles might be like, but that is about the only remotely dyslexic item you can find at curriculum fairs.

 

You really need the specialty materials to address these issues properly. Fortunately you have a lot of kids and many of these programs are non-consumable, so you should get a lot of mileage out of your purchases.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I also have a large family, 9 kids.  Some of ours are birthed by another mother.  My birth daughter has dyslexia, my not birth daughter has severe speech problems.  We got her at one and put her straight onto a cup.  I have always wondered if I created the problem by not giving her a bottle.  She has seen a speech therapist but it is slow go.  My dyslexic daughter will always deal with dyslexia.  It runs in the family.  I have read about eye muscle control and "education induced" dyslexia.  Who knows if it was "created" or hereditary.  It really doesn't matter, she still has it. We have various other special needs that I would rather not share on a public board, but are there nonetheless.

 

At the beginning of the year I counted how many different math curricula we were using.  It was 7.  In addition to levels.  Seven different publishers!!  It works for us.  We have used boxed and I have pulled from multiple resources to created my own "boxed" variety.  Now we are just using what is working, and you know what?  It *is* working.  Use what works.  It doesn't matter if it is the newest, greatest, bestest, out there.  If it doesn't work for you then it doesn't work!  If it is the worst out there and it works for you then it does work!!  Motherhood of a large family is tough. Just because you chose this life doesn't mean you don't get to commiserate with those who also chose this life.  Special needs present challenges.  The struggle is real, but the successes can be just as great or better than a success in your "average" child.  Hang in there, Mamma!  You are doing a good job!!

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm not sure cheaper is necessarily the best goal.  I would mortgage your house, if necessary, if that's what it takes to get it done.  There's no crime in doing what it takes to take care of your kids and we are NOT super human.  She might herself be dyslexic.  I know the op has posted enough over the years with struggles that this is a long-standing issue.  So once you know that, sometimes it's better to take a drastic step, maybe something you hadn't considered before.  

 

That's why I was saying get way out of the box.  Instead of doing everything yourself, ask for help.  Get the ps to do as much as they can and use your funds to do tutoring pullouts.  Or see if your state has charter schools that specialize in dyslexia and SN.  Some will have these tutors on staff.  Contact your state department of ed and see what helps there are in your state that you don't yet know about.  They aren't necessarily advertised.  

Agreed.  Which is why I said she really should consider getting outside help.  You are right, though, just going through the school may be a long process that nets very little.  Still something OP should probably look into, but I would also be seeking other avenues.

 

OP, you have a lot of kids.  Even with just my two this is a loooong process requiring a LOT of one on one work.  I don't think I could do it if I had that many children needing one on one attention.  And they do. They need one on one remediation and  a very systematic approach with lots of consistency.  Get help.  Hopping curriculum is not going to solve your issues.  You need help.  I would have everyone listen to audio books for this next week and play outside and sing songs or whatever while you spend your efforts looking at getting outside, specialized evaluations and tutoring of some kind or putting some in school.  Get help. 

 

Hugs and good luck.

[Crimson Wife]

I've seen large families where it's obvious to me that one or more of the kids has LD's and the parents are in total denial about it. 10-12 y.o.'s who can't read despite years of instruction and the mom will cheerfully talk about somebody she met or read about whose 12 y.o. magically picked up [insert name of long chapter book here] and learned to read.

 

These are the kids who will grow up to be "homeschool horror stories" for members of that Coalition for Responsible Home Education.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I've seen large families where it's obvious to me that one or more of the kids has LD's and the parents are in total denial about it. 10-12 y.o.'s who can't read despite years of instruction and the mom will cheerfully talk about somebody she met or read about whose 12 y.o. magically picked up [insert name of long chapter book here] and learned to read.

 

These are the kids who will grow up to be "homeschool horror stories" for members of that Coalition for Responsible Home Education.

I am sure this isn't in response to my post.  For the record my children have seen specialists.

[mom2agang]

We have been going to speech with the Kaufman program for almost 8 years. Prompt is not offered around us. I own the 1st 3 levels of the Barton reading program. It helped my 12 year old some but my children struggle with expressive language. Barton has been no help with my 8 year old. His therapist and I are kinda lost on what to do next. Public schools is not an option with my dh. We live in the U.P. Of MI there isn't any resources around here.

[OneStepAtATime]

Goodness that's a really tough situation. You might look at CLE. Give the placement tests. It won't solve your bigger issues but it might help keep things more manageable.

[Crimson Wife]

I am sure this isn't in response to my post.  For the record my children have seen specialists.

 

Not at all! I was responding to the OP where she said that she hasn't met any other large families whose bio kids have LD's. I'm saying that there is an unfortunate tendency I've seen among HSers with large families I've met IRL to ignore LD's and pretend that everything is hunky-dory when it's obvious they're not.

[PeterPan]

We have been going to speech with the Kaufman program for almost 8 years. Prompt is not offered around us. I own the 1st 3 levels of the Barton reading program. It helped my 12 year old some but my children struggle with expressive language. Barton has been no help with my 8 year old. His therapist and I are kinda lost on what to do next. Public schools is not an option with my dh. We live in the U.P. Of MI there isn't any resources around here.

If you have not looked at the map in the last year, you might want to look again. http://promptinstitute.com/index.php?page=find-a-prompt-slp  I don't see anyone in the UP, unfortunately.  Have you considered moving?  I'm really not joking.  Looking at those maps, you could move a couple hours and have your choice.  Or pack up your kids and go take long daytrips once a week.  If 6 kids need therapy, I would do 3 kids one week, three the next, with each kid getting double sessions on the day they go.  

 

If you've done 8 years of Kauffman and it's not working, the only thing that changes that is a change.  So move or do the day trips.  Or talk with the therapist and go down for a week of intensive.  But really, daytrips or move.

 

Our trips are 2 hours each way now and used to be 2 1/2 hours.  I'm telling you things I've done myself. 

 

I would only go Bridging, Certified, or Instructor, given what you're dealing with and how far you'd be driving.  There are indeed options for you within a 2 hour drive.

 

Have you tried LIPS?  LIPS is exceptional paired with PROMPT.  

 

You know, alternately you could sue your school district to get someone trained.  Or beg a therapist to get trained.  PROMPT is EXPLODING right now if you look at the provider maps.  It was less than 10 years old when we started 4 years ago and availability was poor.  Now it's increasing dramatically.  It's normal for SLPs to do continuing education, and the training is available in convenient weekend sessions.  Your SLP could go, get the intro training (level 1), then do level 2 and keep right on going.  That's OUTRAGEOUS that someone would keep taking your money while giving ineffective therapy, but it happens.  I guess find somebody more motivated.

[BlsdMama]

I have eleven.

 

One is moderately dyslexic but severely dysgraphic.

One is moderately dyslexic.

One is profoundly dyslexic with severe working memory impairment.

Two littles ones (so far) are dyslexic, one is ADHD, and one of those I suspect is also severe/profound and has a severe language processing issue.

 

It can be overwhelming.

I also know their brains are GIFTS and definitely not by accident.

 

I will write more later.

 

What I have found is that taking on THIS day, not yesterday's failures or tomorrow's struggles and anxieties, is very important. Otherwise I get paralyzed.

 

I don't know how old your oldest is, but my oldest with dyslexia is 16. He's freaking AWESOME. I would not change a thing. Actually, he's just like my husband and I can't think of a higher compliment frankly. So, yes, he's going to struggle, and yes, I'm remediating, but he's going to go on and do well. I really like him and he gives me a lot of Hope and encouragement for the others!

 

You may PM me anytime.

[BlsdMama]

Not at all! I was responding to the OP where she said that she hasn't met any other large families whose bio kids have LD's. I'm saying that there is an unfortunate tendency I've seen among HSers with large families I've met IRL to ignore LD's and pretend that everything is hunky-dory when it's obvious they're not.

I've seen this in every size family and they just don't know any better. Large families are more likely to "accept" each person's differences and not perceive it as an impairment and I suspect this is what you perceive to see as accepting everything as hunky-dory. Moms of many are far more aware of individual giftings and weaknesses and more likely to chalk it up as realm of normal. It isn't pretending and that was a little insulting fun though I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. ;)

[Tiramisu]

mom2agang, I think you are absolutely wonderful. I only have one left at home with ADHD and no serious LD's, but everyday lately I want to crawl into a hole and quit.

 

Keep at it and you'll be fine.

[Crimson Wife]

I've seen this in every size family and they just don't know any better. Large families are more likely to "accept" each person's differences and not perceive it as an impairment and I suspect this is what you perceive to see as accepting everything as hunky-dory. Moms of many are far more aware of individual giftings and weaknesses and more likely to chalk it up as realm of normal. It isn't pretending and that was a little insulting fun though I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. ;)

 

There's accepting differences, and then there's wishful thinking that your illiterate 12 y.o. is going to magically decide one day all on his/her own to pick up a long chapter book and become a fluent reader. That isn't within the realm of normal and these moms in denial are doing their children a major disservice in not getting their kids the help they need.

[frogger]

I feel like curling up in a ball sometimes and I only have four and only two that need that extra help. It feels impossible to me to get everything done so I can empathize. Some of those moms you don't get to meet might not get out very much much less when you have managed to get out but that is very isolating. I think that is why forums are nice. We can find people with similarities easier and we can do it at midnight after grading that last thing and doing that extra load of laundry or whatever.

 

If you have met other large families with multiple disabilities (adopted or not) is there is a way to manage to have coffee with them? Maybe meet at the park where the kids can play or if they are so young that you will not be able to chat maybe go on a weekend when your husband can watch the kids. I don't know what I would do without my neighbor friends. We carpool to activities so we aren't all driving. We exchange kids for age appropriate activities.  I'm just saying if you have other moms around who are in your shoes they are going to understand and we moms have to stick together and help each other out.  I know I also spent years without finding that network so I can understand simply not having that available. It was hard to find those moms and make it happen because I was tired, overworked (had other things in life besides homeschooling going on), and just no ability to get out and search and it is likely the other moms don't have that ability either. It makes it tough. 

 

 

[Kanin]

I don't have much experience with the issues you're facing, but I just wanted to offer my support! I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job. Your family sounds very fun and lively. I wish I'd had 11 brothers and sisters to play with when I was growing up!

 

My only experience that's relevant here is with LiPS. It's taught through Lindamood-Bell, but you can buy the book online and do it yourself. It's actually really easy to learn. Kids learn to move their mouths correctly when seeing letters - it's pretty cool, for example if you see an 'a', the mouth starts to open wide and the corrects sound just comes out! It's hard to say 'i' when your mouth is wide open! Pretty neat. You may already have experience with this, but just in case you don't, here's a link to the manual. There are also other supplementary products like pictures of mouth movements, but I'm not sure you need all of them.

 

http://ganderpublishing.com/product/lips-manual.asp

 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Good luck!

[aaplank]

You are finite - in resources, energy, hours in the day. There comes a time when you can only do the best you can do, and trust in the One who is Infinite.