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Social Communication Disorder? I don't know much about that one, but it's to do with social and communication issues (hence the name).

 

Could you take him to a speech therapist? Maybe one who specializes in pragmatics or w/e, not one who specializes in getting kids to pronounce things correctly. They could do some testing or work on some of these issues without testing and maybe point you in some direction for how to deal with these issues.

 

P.S. Don't most kids answer the question "where are you at with your schoolwork?" with reasons why they're not finished?

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People I know who do that have ADHD with low processing speed, impulsivity, and anxiety.  He can be an introvert on top of that.  That seems to explain most of what you're describing.  

 

Your ped can do an ASD screening tool, absolutely, if you want, just as part of your next visit.  I just think for the precise list you're giving that the ADHD issues (processing speed, anxiety, impulsivity, etc.) account for them.  If you can get a full WISC done by the school, it will give you a processing speed score.  I know when I saw my dd's I about cried. Like I just didn't get what was going on.  Try giving him time to process, rather than putting him on the spot.  Give him notice a day or even an hour ahead of time of the question(s) so he can pre-think.  Our np actually put it in dd's write-up as part of her accommodations.  So, for instance, in a lit class she's to be given the discussion questions ahead of time so she can process them.  Otherwise she'd be all carriage whit, with her answers coming too late, as the carriage pulls away (a line from Scarlett Pimpernel).   :)

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It can be hard to tease apart.  I'm so sorry that evaluations are out of the question for you right now.

 

Personally, I would research processing/executive function issues and how that might compound ADD.  

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I could probably have written all of that about my ASD kiddo when he was younger. The only exception is that he did have sensory issues as well. He was probably not as severe on the communication deficits by 13, but he was when he was younger. He was diagnosed PDD-NOS which doesn't exist any more as a diagnosis (neither does aspergers). He was less strictly structured and less obsessive, among other things, than most aspies. Now he would just be labeled ASD. 

 

I don't really know what an ASD label would gain you since you aren't able to get a professional diagnosis right now. Are you looking for ideas on how to help him with his communication issues or his social skills? I would focus on what you want to achieve and finding ideas to work with him, rather than on the label at this point (which is odd for me... I'm usually all about going ahead and getting a diagnosis). 

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On the social cues, you can have social delay with ADHD.  He may be very bright and have nothing in common with his company.  Sometimes it takes years for kids to find their really close, bosom friends. You can have cognitive rigidity with ADHD.  There is a school of thinking that ADHD *is* the lightest end of the spectrum, which would explain your concerns.  However introverts and shy boys abound and they don't necessarily have spectrum labels.  

 

I don't know, I put a lot of stock in Mama gut too.  You should be seeing things to push it over toward some kind of ASD.  quirkiness, rigidity, eccentricities, obsessions, refusals, almost bipolar meltdowns, gross motor oddities, strong adherence to rules/time/schedules, stimming, repetitive behaviors, not *understanding* social things when you explain them, bluntness, withdrawal into their own world (beyond loner, pulling into their own world where you have to get them to come into yours), hyperfocusing, intensity, in other people's space inappropriately, perseverations, trouble working cooperatively in groups.  I can tell you that when people meet my ds, as they spend some time with him, they're left with a "Wow he's quirky" sense that they can't put their finger on.  And if they're with him longer, they realize he's only in their world if they're in his world.  There are degrees and no two are alike apparently.  I'm just telling you with one kid with ADHD and one kid with Aspergers, that's like asking if my cow is a cat, kwim?  They're just so different. And it's the intensity, the volatility, the rigidity.  People like both my kids, but my son is so intense my MIL is scared to sit for him anymore even.

 

On the humor, even something really basic, like does he like America's Funniest Home Videos or the silly things people post on youtube?  It's not that they have no humor but that it's different.  He would be the one NOT laughing when everyone else is watching a funny movie and then laughing at something else nobody else thought funny.

 

Even the ps won't really do an autism eval, because it's medical.  If you don't have funds, can you get it through your state children's insurance program?  You can also do an eval through the ps and then protest (to get them to pay for independent evals) if you don't feel it was complete.

 

Adding: I say all that about intensity, but it's just what I've seen and been told.  But maybe as you watch him a bit you start to see things?  Kbutton has a survey (I lost the link) that might help you notice more.  Online lists tend to be inaccurate and blended.  That survey she links to is long and used clinically, much more helpful.  

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Maybe yes, maybe no.  But I always tell moms to listen to their guts.  Getting an eval at some point would be good (I'm sure you agree but maybe are not in a financial or other position to have one done so not pushing).  An ASD diagnosis does open up accommodations for college, which I am learning at this current time.  :)

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I remember when my son was younger he had this thing where he would whisper to himself the last few words he said. Yeah, don't Google that unless you are prepared to be terrified. He grew out of it.

 

He still has a lot of quirks....but I try to ignore them when I can.

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I remember when my son was younger he had this thing where he would whisper to himself the last few words he said. Yeah, don't Google that unless you are prepared to be terrified. He grew out of it.

 

He still has a lot of quirks....but I try to ignore them when I can.

My completely neurotypical son did this quite a lot and still does a bit even at 12.  My best friend is an SLP so I asked her about it, and we decided he was okay.  He has some OCD characteristics, but that is the limit of his issues.

 

"Quirky" is how people used to refer to folks before Aspergers was a diagnosis.  I did find it helpful to get a diagnosis.  I wanted my son to have the information so we can work on it without it being "the elephant in the room".  Also, college accommodations.

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My completely neurotypical son did this quite a lot and still does a bit even at 12. My best friend is an SLP so I asked her about it, and we decided he was okay. He has some OCD characteristics, but that is the limit of his issues.

 

"Quirky" is how people used to refer to folks before Aspergers was a diagnosis. I did find it helpful to get a diagnosis. I wanted my son to have the information so we can work on it without it being "the elephant in the room". Also, college accommodations.

Right. I dont disagree with getting a diagnosis. I do think the line is not always so clear.....I have had my son to a psychiatrist and he hasn't been diagnosed with anything other than on theedge of ocd, anxiety spectrum type thinking....

 

Did you every ask your son why he repeated his words? My son told me he was, "verifying that he used the right words".

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Right. I dont disagree with getting a diagnosis. I do think the line is not always so clear.....I have had my son to a psychiatrist and he hasn't been diagnosed with anything other than on theedge of ocd, anxiety spectrum type thinking....

 

Did you every ask your son why he repeated his words? My son told me he was, "verifying that he used the right words".

My second paragraph was directed to the OP, not you. Sorry your mind reading skills are not up to par. ;)

 

I talked to my son about it a couple of times, and I don't recall his explanation. He seemed a little self conscious about it. It faded and is very rare now.

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My second paragraph was directed to the OP, not you. Sorry your mind reading skills are not up to par. ;)

 

I talked to my son about it a couple of times, and I don't recall his explanation. He seemed a little self conscious about it. It faded and is very rare now.

My son was very self conscious of it too. Only a few people in his life ever noticed it.

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Forgot to quote this one. :) I don't particularly want a ASD diagnosis. I wouldn't have thought Aspergers except my SIL suggested it a while back. I do think he's quirky and ... different, although I didn't realize how different until my little boys began to get older and I saw how they are.

 

I am not even sure what I'm wanting. I guess ... I feel like there's something underneath, and I want to know what it is and if I can do anything to help him deal with it. I worry that he's going to end up being lonely (he doesn't care right now, but eventually I think he will) and I'll have wasted time that I could have been using to help him. And, you know, just that I'm completely screwing up as a mom here. :)  I do need to think through more thoroughly what I am wanting to accomplish here, though. Thank you!

Then get the eval.  When people are walking up to you saying they see it, you need to get the eval.  People would NOT do that if they were not seeing stuff.  Just because you're not saying it in this thread doesn't mean you're not seeing indicators.  THEY (these other people) clearly are.

 

And yes, that's what I told the school when they asked why I had not mentioned ASD before, when we started the ETR/IEP process.  NOBODY starts into this going YES, sign me up, label my kid with something major that gets him a top tier disability, qualifies him for MRDD services, may affect his employability and marriageability, etc. etc.  You also can't make the assumption that the child's outcome will be like the parent's.

 

You have your gut that something isn't right, his own self-admission and your observation that he's quirky (that's a keyword, something that really captures it), AND you have someone walking up to you. That means it's time.  It may take you 3-6 months or even a year to get in, depending on where you go.  You can start saving your pennies and have the money by then (hopefully).  With those things, you have more than enough reason to warrant evals.  The WORST that happens is you get the ADHD explained more fully and get documentation for accommodations.  But don't go to an psych who specializes in ADHD.  Go to a place that specializes in ASD.  That's your question, so that's where you go.  A place specializing in autism will spend a lot more time, slowing down, working with him, testing, eliciting behaviors.  What you don't want is some quickie eval with a short survey that totally blows you off.  That's what happened at our first psych eval, grrr.  Next psych (ps) said he's quirky, has social issues, keep investigating (because they can't diagnose).  3rd psych reads my list of complaints and says You realize this is classic aspergers, right?  And I'm like no.  And he's like, why didn't this get diagnosed the first time?  And I'm like, because he didn't LISTEN.  He said I was the problem.   :svengo: 

 

I know that's easy for us to spend your money and money is real, sigh.  I'm just saying that pushes it over, when people are coming up to you saying they see it.  It means it's time.  You don't have to be the psych and figure it out.  You just have to be willing to get the help to figure it out.

 

You might just see what your options are.  A state university might have an autism program and be able to do the evals for less.  They'll have a longer wait (around here a year!), but they can get it done for a better price.  Or see what your insurance would cover.  Or get him covered by a state child's insurance program and get it done. Or ask his grandparents.  Or take a job for a couple months to save up.

 

See, here's the thing.  What you don't want to do is wait till he's an *adult* and then have him having these questions. You'd rather know now.  And you know, truly they DON'T mind having someone in to parse this question of is it the ADHD we're seeing or is it pushing over to ASD.  This is a common question.  The most interesting ADHD exploration I've seen on my ds was done by an autism specialist.  He had a lot more tools to break it down and nuanced ways of looking at things (expressive attention, blah blah).  It was really interesting.  So it's not like you're boring them or bugging them or going to the wrong place, kwim?  You don't have to apologize for being there.  It's the right question to ask and an autism specialist, in a place with a good reputation for eval'ing aspergers, is the place to do it.  Sometimes a pysch who specializes in gifted (from the Hoagies Gifted list) can be good too.  As you say, the gifted/adhd/ASD populations overlap significantly.

 

I'll see if I can find that questionaire link from Kbutton.

 

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Right. I dont disagree with getting a diagnosis. I do think the line is not always so clear.....I have had my son to a psychiatrist and he hasn't been diagnosed with anything other than on theedge of ocd, anxiety spectrum type thinking....

 

Did you every ask your son why he repeated his words? My son told me he was, "verifying that he used the right words".

Sigh, it would be interesting to see what would happen if he went to an actual autism specialist.  When you first meet my ds, your impression is NO WAY.  But I tell you I've had no less the *3* parents of spectrum kids come up to me out of the blue, after observing him for a longer period of time, and say he certainly is and to get him eval'd.  And I had two more people online, who've listened to his story hear on the boards, write me asking why the first psych didn't catch it.  And the autism specialist, who spent hours with him, saw it clearly.  But people tend to make these snap judgments.  Usually it's adults who go "But he walked in the room and talked to me and made eye contact!"  Like, no duh.  He has had therapy since he was 2 where someone strapped him in a chair and said this is how you talk to an adult.  But when you actually unstrap him and let him be himself or be with kids, totally different.  The person from the school who spent the longest time (the OT, who was in our house 2 1/2 hours) was totally flabbergasted and immediately said he needed behavioral management help, etc. etc.  

 

Practitioners are sometimes going on the most trite, cursory levels of examination, without really slowing down.  Same deal with apraxia.  The ps SLP said (and I kid you not), that he wasn't experiencing symptoms of praxis because he could say /p/-/t/-/k/!!  Even though when given a standardized assessment for praxis of speech he tests currently as SEVERELY affected, oh no he can't be because he can say /p-t-k/!  So cursory, not slowing down, not doing the in-depth assessments.  When you give the long forms for ASD diagnosis, it's THERE on my ds.  You have to get someone who will slow down and acknowledge the complexity.

 

Whatever, just a rant.  Has nothing to do with Scarlett's situation, lol.

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I'm going to write you some things privately when I have a chance.  The thing is, this is not like some DEFECT that we go BROKEN, BROKEN, BROKEN, kwim?  This is NORMAL to them.  In fact, there's a whole train of thought that we should stop thinking of this in terms of broken and think in terms of variations of normal, the rainbow of humanity, what ENRICHES humanity.  There's this tendency to think everyone should be alike.

 

I think the questions you're asking are best answered by a psych.  I think since your dh is like your ds in many ways (which would be common in an aspergers situation) it's very difficult for him to be objective.  I think it's very easy to blow things off with the "he's like me and I survived" line of thought, which is what I cautioned you about.  I can tell you with statistical certainty that if your dh has similar symptoms he is UNLIKELY to see them in the same way others do.  

 

So I go back to my point, that it's something only a psych can sort out for you.  You don't HAVE to have your dh on board.  I'm not saying cross your dh and make him divorce you or something.  I'm saying work out some compromise where you agree that you disagree and that you can go ahead and find a good psych to sort this out.  It's a psych that sorts this out, not two parents with a website, kwim?  

 

My dh is ANGRY about my ds' diagnosis.  An ADHD diagnosis a man can take, but an autism label on his boy is really hard.  Don't listen to him and let your rational concerns go uninvestigated.  At this point my dh and I don't talk about it.  It's going to take him a LONG TIME to come to terms with this, and he just literally can't even talk about it.  I have no clue how other men respond, but I would NOT assume anything providential or mandatory or compelling about your dh's response.  You can walk into that psych and get him eval'd just on your word.  You don't need his signature, his help, or anything else.  It would be NICE if he would come, but if he's not quite there yet you can still do it and should.  Not in a way that ends your marriage, but more in a *there are two people here and I'm concerned and I say we need to go forward whether you're fully there or not* kinda thing.

 

 

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With the dh issue, I think some of it is a man thinking, "Uh...I do that too. Is she saying there's something WRONG with me and how I do life?"  So you may want to tease this out for your dh. "I know you do that too. We're not talking about YOU though. We're talking about our son."

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It could be an ASD, but you'd need some solid evaluations to determine that.

 

My son is autistic, diagnosed with Asperger's at age 2, and often comes across as ADHD because of his sensory issues and executive functioning. His psychologist basically said he can have an ADHD diagnosis if we need it but it's not exactly ADHD. He words things a little differently based on how much the parent freaks out about certain labels.

 

There is a page on facebook called Autism Discussion Page, and the author, Bill Nason has some books that have recently been published. IMO he is the absolute best at explaining WHY children with autism behave the way they do, and how to help them with tough stuff.

 Here are his books http://www.amazon.com/Discussion-anxiety-behavior-parenting-strategies/dp/1849059950/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1J6GWRQXG3FGNMQ6F9J9and 

http://www.amazon.com/Discussion-anxiety-behavior-parenting-strategies/dp/1849059950/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1XM1REK8KPZGKSTY3KE4

 

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There are a lot of resources on Social Thinking (socialthinking.com) and they can be for ADHD.  From when I read it, they say it can be for ADHD, too, not just for autism spectrum as I used to think.  So there is a place for kids who need some insight/direction/teaching/training but who don't have autism.  

 

Then if you look up any of the main books from there on Amazon, you start getting into more books.   

 

But you are fine to look up this stuff just with ADHD.  Maybe when your husband sees it he will find it less threatening or problematic?  

 

My husband is 95% fine with therapy and 70% values therapy (I value therapy more than he does, which is good in a way, b/c it is him seeing things as just my son that I see as the result of a lot of work with therapists as well).  But a diagnosis itself doesn't really do anything much for my husband.  So he does not have much interest in that and we do not discuss it much at all.  (He is not so much negative as thinking it is a bit of a joke or something that does not have any point, or just people trying to label kids for the sake of labeling them, I am not even sure as it is not a productive line of conversation for us and there is no reason to hash it out when we could be doing something nice together).  But things in therapy that just seem to make sense and seem helpful -- well, he can get more behind that.   

 

So I think, look at that website, consider getting a book or something if something looks appropriate and like it is a good fit.  It is for ADHD too.  If you see it helps a lot and is all that is needed, problem solved.  If you see it is the tip of the iceberg, hopefully your husband has liked what he has seen and thinks it is helpful, and maybe would not mind pursuing a diagnosis in order to do more of the helpful thing.  If it is helpful.  It is a website with a good reputation for social skills stuff, anyway.  I have bought the pre-school program and I like it, that is all I have first-hand experience with.  

 

But I do focus way more on "this is how we are going to develop skills, yay, look, we are seeing progress."  I do not focus on "look at this thing, it is a SYMPTOM."  My husband hates that.  But he is happy to look at progress and be on my son's side.  To him looking at things in a "problem, symptom" way are not "being on my son's side" and he gets this feeling like I am "against" my son by "seeing problems" and he is "for" my son by "not seeing problems."  But we can just bypass that by skipping to the part where we are both on my son's side and want the best for him and like the concrete steps that we are taking.  

 

 

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I am not even sure what I'm wanting. I guess ... I feel like there's something underneath, and I want to know what it is and if I can do anything to help him deal with it. I worry that he's going to end up being lonely (he doesn't care right now, but eventually I think he will) and I'll have wasted time that I could have been using to help him. And, you know, just that I'm completely screwing up as a mom here. :)  I do need to think through more thoroughly what I am wanting to accomplish here, though. Thank you!

 

If you feel like something underneath is causing issues, you are right to look for what it is and how to help him. Mom instincts are so much more reliable than any other test out there. 

 

Just as another note, my ds has always had a great sense of humor - always. He was good at telling jokes when he was little, and loved AFV and anything else funny. He wasn't off or finding things funny that others didn't. Having a great sense of humor doesn't rule out ASD. 

 

I also agree with OhE that social delays are completely normal with ADHD. I have actually never known an ADHD that wasn't quirky and off socially. Being very bright can also make social settings hard particularly with younger kids. My ds has two best friends that are both a year younger than him. All 3 of them have IQs over 150. The other two are in the IB program at a neighboring school district and have no LDs, but are quirky enough that some might question that :). Finding your tribe is hard for 2e kids.

 

Getting a diagnosis for ds did help me to strategize how to teach him. However, it was really the details we got from full evals that helped the most and since those aren't an option right now, I'm not sure how much just the label will help. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't look. Look for what you need, but do evaluate what it is you need so that your odds of finding it will go up :).

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Sigh, it would be interesting to see what would happen if he went to an actual autism specialist. When you first meet my ds, your impression is NO WAY. But I tell you I've had no less the *3* parents of spectrum kids come up to me out of the blue, after observing him for a longer period of time, and say he certainly is and to get him eval'd. And I had two more people online, who've listened to his story hear on the boards, write me asking why the first psych didn't catch it. And the autism specialist, who spent hours with him, saw it clearly. But people tend to make these snap judgments. Usually it's adults who go "But he walked in the room and talked to me and made eye contact!" Like, no duh. He has had therapy since he was 2 where someone strapped him in a chair and said this is how you talk to an adult. But when you actually unstrap him and let him be himself or be with kids, totally different. The person from the school who spent the longest time (the OT, who was in our house 2 1/2 hours) was totally flabbergasted and immediately said he needed behavioral management help, etc. etc.

 

Practitioners are sometimes going on the most trite, cursory levels of examination, without really slowing down. Same deal with apraxia. The ps SLP said (and I kid you not), that he wasn't experiencing symptoms of praxis because he could say /p/-/t/-/k/!! Even though when given a standardized assessment for praxis of speech he tests currently as SEVERELY affected, oh no he can't be because he can say /p-t-k/! So cursory, not slowing down, not doing the in-depth assessments. When you give the long forms for ASD diagnosis, it's THERE on my ds. You have to get someone who will slow down and acknowledge the complexity.

 

Whatever, just a rant. Has nothing to do with Scarlett's situation, lol.

Oh I know you aren't ranting at me. But in your first sentence did you mean it would be interesting to see what an autism specialist would say about my son? Or were you talking about yours?

 

You probably should get him evaluated. You seem concerned enough about it and if other parents with kids on the spectrum have suggested it I think that is more reason to check it out.

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I agree with many who have said that the only way to know what you are dealing with is a thorough evaluation. My son, 9, has all the traits that you list plus a lot of rigidity, plus emotional regulation issues, plus some sensory issues. We have had several very good evaluations (one with a great developmental pediatrician and also a full neuropsych at a great practice). I had strongly suspected Asperger's but he was diagnosed with severe ADHD. He has the high IQ/slow processing/very anxious profile a couple of people have mentioned. He is also very introverted, intense, sensitive, I could go on. His personality, temperament, strengths, and challenges, combined, make him quite a personality! I will say that some of his deficits/challenges are more pronounced than a several kids I know who are diagnosed with Asperger's and that the explanation I have been given for why he did not receive that diagnosis is that some of his other characteristics, or "strengths," ruled it out.

 

In the end, I find that the most helpful part of the evaluations is the particulars, identifying the strengths and weakness so that you know what to support and work on.

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I just really, really like the part I bolded.

 

 

The odd thing is, I am floored every time he tells me, "I used to be that same way." Because he's not like that *now*. He tends to think these are things ds will grow out of.

 

 

Thank you. I'll look at the facebook page and the books both.

 

 

I'll look at that website, thanks. What you said about your dh - sounds very similar to my husband. He is entirely enthusiastic if we are getting results, but he doesn't see the need for all the evaluation.  He told me last night he thinks I should just do some research and if we can find some things we can do to help him like we did with his writing, that he would be all for that. He definitely is more interested in the concrete than the abstract. There is so much overlap between some of these things, though, that I feel like I'm fumbling around in the dark. We'll keep discussing an evaluation of some kind, though, and I'm going to call our insurance company to see exactly what they'll cover.

 

 

I'm going to tell this to dh, because it sums up why an eval would be so helpful. :) In the meantime, I'm thinking through exactly what I'm looking for.

Yes, people evolve and grow.  

 

If you intervene and do social skills therapy and interventions, all you're doing is making him harder to diagnose and making it harder to get the advantages of the label.  He'll still be the same person genetically, with the same problems, just a little masked and harder to diagnose.  If you're finding you need to do social skills interventions, it's time to get the eval ($850 with a clinical psych with experience with autism, neuropsych not needed) to make sure you're treating the right thing.  Therapies and interventions are expensive.  You could plunk out tons of money doing something unneeded.

 

And isn't that what we said, that people tend to *assume* that how it turned out for them is how it will be for their dc?  ;)  Maybe, maybe not.  You can't be certain of that.  The trend actually seems to be the opposite, that the kids have a little bit more problems than their parents had.  Also, our culture is a curious mixture of incredibly tolerant (if you have the label) and very demanding if you don't have a reason for why you don't fit in.  Maybe your ds won't be happy with the options that are open to him without some extra help.  Things have changed.  In some places having an ASD label actually GETS you a job.  Go google the articles on this!  Point out to your dh that your ds is going to miss out on job opportunities and by not recognizing his gift.  :D

 

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702304418404579465561364868556

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A lot of this sounds like my son, but not all of it. His brief bio is that he was diagnosed with "moderate autism" at age 2, but I always felt that was a more severe diagnosis, ultimately, than what we would deal with in the future.  His sensory processing issues are resolved now and he is an excellent speaker :) but the residual is the social anxiety. Just today he gave our neighbor a riveting and long-winded monologue on jellyfish. He's an expert.  Knows all the types, facts about them, etc. and will tell you everything.  It goes beyond what I think is normal 'kid interest'.  It's the little professor thing.  I think it's his way of attempting to connect with people.  

 

He has a fabulous and witty sense of humor--always has--and he understands sarcasm and nuances of facial expressions (for the most part).  As a toddler he would bounce/rock a lot, but he never does that now.

 

I see the whole thing as his strength.  We work on pacing through a conversation and taking turns talking, and on letting the conversation move on to other things--shoring up the weak areas socially, as much as we can, before he heads out into the real world.  But man, he's smart, and he can SEE things I don't, and his ability to conceive of a design and implement it is great (that visual learner thing, I guess).  His ability to immerse himself in something and become passionately interested is so cool.  Not all of that is attributable to ASD.  Some of it is probably just Who He Is.  My husband is similar. My dh probably has very mild Asperger-y things going on, I have never suggested this to him, but he's got some indicators, very similar to my son.  He's also fabulous. 

 

I will say that some of what you mention sounds a bit like ADHD.  My sister is severely ADD/ADHD and as a child/teenager she sometimes had a hard time formulating a sentence and she also has rambling monologues.  She seriously needs to be a professor because she can go on and on and on. She's supersmart. 

 

I agree w/ OhElizabeth on the point that our culture is very tolerant of someone with ASD and yet impatient if they cannot seem to put their finger on WHY a person is different.  I do not usually volunteer my son's ASD diagnosis but if I start to observe a situation where his behavior is curious, I will mention it.  Most people do not know my son has autism and most people do not suspect it or are shocked to learn about it, but then if they know him fairly well they'll say "oh THAT explains...." whatever it is.  Little quirks. That's how I felt when we got his diagnosis, too.  I had no idea they suspected autism and I was blindsided.  But suddenly his lack of interest in speaking, his obsession with flags, his extreme sensitivity to noise, etc.  made perfect sense.  And it helped me mother him better. 

 

 

 

 

 

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pehp--The psych who diagnosed ds used DSM5 scoring and it came out as autism level 1--aspergers.  I thought that was interesting, because I didn't know how the numbers were correlating to the previous DSM4 labels.

 

They don't OhE. Your psych added that all on his own. The end of this document contains the level descriptions, but you can see them in many places. Old labels are not correlated because they don't exactly correlate. There are some aspies that would be level 2. My PDD-NOS kids would have been level 1.

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I'm a little late, but this might be the link that OhElizabeth was talking about. It's for social skills evaluation. We had different people fill this out for my son for a couple of reasons...we get used to him being the way he is, and we don't see him in a group setting OF HIS PEERS at his age. A lot of ASD kiddos socialize better outside of similar-age peer groups. 

 

And, pehp's comments about humor, people not really suspecting ASD (or at least not at first) but knowing something is off, etc. really reflect our reality as well. Don't be afraid to dig a bit deeper.

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My ASD kid has a wicked dry and sarcastic sense of humor which fits in with our family.  He will sometimes miss dry humor in others, including me.  People just think he is painfully shy (which is true), and they put off any differences to that.  I think they know something is "off", but most people would not suspect an ASD label.  Kids on the spectrum vary so widely.

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I'm a little late, but this might be the link that OhElizabeth was talking about. It's for social skills evaluation. We had different people fill this out for my son for a couple of reasons...we get used to him being the way he is, and we don't see him in a group setting OF HIS PEERS at his age. A lot of ASD kiddos socialize better outside of similar-age peer groups. 

 

And, pehp's comments about humor, people not really suspecting ASD (or at least not at first) but knowing something is off, etc. really reflect our reality as well. Don't be afraid to dig a bit deeper.

 

Thank you, kbutton! I'm not seeing a link ... am I missing it or did you forget to put it in?

 

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But it sounds to me like he is just kind of nerdy and not the person you would want to spend time with. If that is really all there is to it, then that's okay. Nerdy teens are super awkward but we grow into it!

 

Not all weirdness is a problem.

 

 

Most of the questions you asked are ones that his dad and I are discussing as we talk about this, and I think it's probably most productive if those answers stay between the two of us.

 

I'm not sure what I said that makes you think he's not the kind of person I want to spend time with. That's not true at all. He's a great kid and I enjoy him. I realize that my list of concerns were all negative things (in a sense) but they're not a picture of the whole child, and they don't define our relationship. My whole purpose in posting here was to try to figure out ... is this just his personality? Or is there something more we should be doing to help him reach his full potential?  Because I guess what I'm afraid of is that someday he's going to look back and say, "Why didn't my parents help me figure this out before now?" I want to do what's best for him, not just assume this is how he is and let him struggle. Because, yes, there are times he does struggle with the things I mentioned. And some of my concern is that I'm insecure - this is our first-born, so it's all new territory for us - and quite often I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. So I came here, where there are people who have experience, older kids, and more knowledge than I, to ask questions.

 

I agree with the last sentence there that I bolded. We have a saying in our family ... normal is just a setting on a dryer. Not original with us, certainly, but we don't get hung up on normal vs odd. That doesn't mean, though, that I don't have concerns when I see quirks that may - or already do - make it difficult to have a happy, fulfilling life.

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Binip, I read your original post before you erased it.  I don't think your concerns apply here with the parents involved in this discussion.  No one is worried because their kids are "weird".  We have concerns because our kids demonstrate functional issues.  ASD is quite often comorbid with other issues, and the ASD is often causing the least problems for the child and the parent.  

 

BTW, my ASD kid is not "weird" or socially inappropriate, but he does misread social cues and misunderstand interactions between himself and others in interactions with family members, which has caused no end of hurt in our family among sibling relationships.  It is my job as a mom to help him to understand this and to work on this, as it will affect every area of his life as an adult.  

 

When I was practicing therapy, I had several ASD boys brought in for therapy by parents.  I really enjoyed working with them.  With the ASD teens, I preferred them in some ways to NT teens.  They were typically open and honest and genuine.  They weren't mean like a lot of teens are.  They were very live and let live, and I found it touching and wonderful.  I don't dislike quirky.  Quite the opposite.

 

Labels can be helpful for understanding ourselves and our kids.  I didn't ask for an ASD kid, and I wish he was NT because it would make his life simpler. (I have a child who was born with a birth defect, and I wish she didn't have that, either.)  But I love him and enjoy him.  I have hope for his future.  Internally, I celebrate his successes more than the more easily won successes of his siblings.  He's a cool kid.

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Binip, I know why you wrote what you wrote, and I'm there where you are, pretty *over* myself.  Maybe it wasn't what the op was ready to think through yet or comprehend in the same way, but I get it.  It's SO true that the group in dominance writes the rules, ascribing moral superiority, and that it gets pretty tiring to realize that your difference isn't necessarily BAD.

 

However it's also true that *because there are these unwritten (and sometimes written) rules, that having the label, the accurate words, and an explanation, can prevent a LOT of problems.  We talked about this before in another thread with the idea that our culture will extend you a lot of slack if you have an ASD label and be heartlessly cruel without.  

 

What I think is FABULOUS is that you (Binip) were raised in an environment where being without the label you were still accepted, nurtured, and successful.  Unfortunately, not everyone's environment is like that.  In the churches we go to and our circle of friends there's SO much stupidity and ignorance.  An ADHD label gets you a "you're not spiritual enough" look, but an ASD label gets you a pity party.  Nevermind that they overlap. (Or, alternate scenario, they feel bad for you but have no clue what to do and need instruction on how ASD in the church should be handled, following recommendations you feel confident making BECAUSE you have the label and your IEP and know appropriate accommodations.)  And if you have those ASD behaviors WITHOUT the label, do you know how hard that is??  CAPD, etc. too.  There are subcultures people are living in, financial situations people are in (where they need access to services), etc., etc., many valid reasons why a person would WANT to seek out labels for their kids.

 

But yes, I'm with you that there's a healthy point of self-acceptance people have to come to with, or without, labels.

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