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We're going to see another (3rd) psychologist Monday about ds.  And ds will probably see that psychologist several days.  

 

That's all.  Well that and I'm trying not to eat too much ice cream thinking about it.  I don't even know what I'm so internally agitated about, since in reality it would be a relief.  It's just one more thing and makes things more complicated.  And I go back to my little "He's the same kid he was before.  In his world he's normal..." but it's still a little whompy.

 

That's all. And you would think there'd be the possibility that nothing would come of it, but at this point it's not looking likely. And it doesn't make sense to me how they can be that emphatic, when they haven't MET him yet even.  I mean, two psychs now have read the report psych #1 wrote and came to a totally DIFFERENT CONCLUSION looking at the very report the first guy wrote!  What in the WORLD?!?!?!

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Is this a "tie breaker" diagnosis, OhE?

 

(((hugs)))

Oh man, that is SO funny!!  I must have really needed to laugh, cuz I'm totally bellylaughing over that !!   :lol: 

 

That gives me totally different imagery to visualize for this, much more peaceful than impending pictures of doom and Rain Man and worries about the future.

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Well, DS is older now and the indicators may be more pronounced. He is still the same boy, you will just be armed with more mom power to work with him effectively. Imagine a cartoonish, pink sparkly girlie arm with bicep and hand holding a pencil with a dinosaur eraser and the word "POW!" underneath. I am on break so can think up stuff like that.

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Well, DS is older now and the indicators may be more pronounced. He is still the same boy, you will just be armed with more mom power to work with him effectively. Imagine a cartoonish, pink sparkly girlie arm with bicep and hand holding a pencil with a dinosaur eraser and the word "POW!" underneath. I am on break so can think up stuff like that.

You mean I'm supposed to imagine the new psych a sissy?  I can't, lol.  I've met him and he's Einstein.  Like he's totally got the hair, everything.  He thinks in these long paragraphs and I found myself making huge mental leaps.  Actually, it was like working with the psych I used with dd, where he was EMPOWERING, instead of what the other psych did, tearing me down and saying I shouldn't be teaching him.  

 

So in that sense I'm really excited to talk with him again, because I'm finding peace in his answers and my soul fills like a bird in spring, feeling like she finally has fresh air to breathe and SUNSHINE instead of the dank and fog.

 

There's no pow-ing this one.  When this happens, our lives change.  Gone will be the little pristine image of me and my tag-along, cute, merely dyslexic boy.  Way more complicated.  But that's ok, I'm getting there.  Just hard to wrangle and advocate and get changes and fight the crowd who can't see it, who don't want to help.  I think my new line is going to be "I didn't ask you to see it; I just asked you to help. I didn't ask if you saw it; just help me."  Hmmph, it hadn't occurred to me I could pull that line.  I just think I'm going to get the "well I can't see it..." thing.  Whatever, jump. Why do people feel they have the RIGHT to dispute? Whatever.  Whatever it is, it IS.

 

I met up with somebody this week who sees ds occasionally (once or twice a year), and she commented that that was the FIRST TIME ds had ever spoken to her.  Then of course he promptly stopped, lol.  But point is people are noticing and they don't know what to make of it.  They don't have a word, can't put their finger on it, but he stands out.  So maybe it's not totally invisible but it's unfamiliar and hard to understand?  I don't know. This will just be really different.  With dd I've encouraged her *not* to say her label, because it's not socially acceptable in our circles and predisposes you to idiotic bias and assumptions.  With ds, I think it has to be the total inverse; I think we're going to have to use the label. Assuming that's what happens next week, obviously.

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Girlfriend, you can use the label or not with the general public, whatever makes your lives easier and simpler.  No one is "owed" information, but if information eases yours and ds's paths, then by all means give it.

 

We went for many years with the public school assigning an informal diagnosis that I did not agree with.  My kid still got the exact same services he would have if I had agreed with the diagnosis or pushed for specific testing.  Now that he is older, I am kind of thinking they were probably right.  Some stuff just does not become clear until the kids are older and a bit further down the road.  Doesn't make anyone wrong or stupid or in denial or anything else.  

 

Kids aren't always or even often able to be described in neat diagnoses.  And here is the dealio - no one in the general public HAS to understand.  I do hope that you get a helpful diagnosis to use with professionals because it is exhausting to wrestle with those folks.  If not, then just find people who will help him anyway.  It is a professional's nature to try and understand and diagnose and put into a box, which is not a bad thing, but sometimes that box moves and the shape changes and things are not clear until much later.  In my view of things, your ds is just a little bitty guy.  My SN guy has eight years on him, and the picture is more clear.

 

And HM meant that it it YOU in the pink with a dinosaur eraser.

 

 

 

 

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Huge hugs.

 

I had a three hour conversation of Friday with a IRL friend who is going through a similar thing. She thinks family will cope better with her children if they can apply certain labels (which the children likely qualify for). She is upset by the thought. My point to her is that certain labels open doors to funding and help.

 

Are you grieving a little bit---the loss of the hope that he was just dyslexic and apraxic?

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I met up with somebody this week who sees ds occasionally (once or twice a year), and she commented that that was the FIRST TIME ds had ever spoken to her.  Then of course he promptly stopped, lol.  But point is people are noticing and they don't know what to make of it.  They don't have a word, can't put their finger on it, but he stands out.  So maybe it's not totally invisible but it's unfamiliar and hard to understand?  I don't know. This will just be really different.  

So say, "Yes, he has some special needs, and he is getting interventions" or something similar so that people understand that you know there is a problem and are addressing it. Then polite people will say, "I'm sorry" or somesuch and probably not bring it up again.  

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Since I'm serial posting here already, it took ME about ten years to really wrap my brain around the diagnosis that was suggested when he was three.  The people who have been on this board have been a witness to my back and forth and confusion and more testing and finally kind of just doing what works.  The results from what will almost certainly be the very last round of testing he receives are due to be given any day now.  The appointment to receive results was moved due to the tester's oral surgery, and that was almost two weeks ago.

 

Long story longer, if it takes you time (even years) to wrap your brain around a diagnosis or to accept this, so be it.  The only "harm" would be in not pursuing interventions due to denial.  There is no harm in mentally refusing to accept a diagnosis but pursuing treatment.  No one can force you, even professionals with letters after their name.  You will do it when you are good and ready.

 

 

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Girlfriend, you can use the label or not with the general public, whatever makes your lives easier and simpler.  No one is "owed" information, but if information eases yours and ds's paths, then by all means give it.

 

THAT is extremely helpful.  

 

So *I* can dinosaur erase people and pow them?  Wow, that's awesome.  Before I just had a magic wand with free spirit dust.  Now I have dinosaur eraser power.  That's even better!  :D

 

:lol:   :lol:

 

Y'all are awesome.  I just didn't want to be alone, and now I'm not.  :)

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Lecka may be right that I couldn't handle it 6 months ago, but I can now.  

 

And you're right that 6 months ago we could blow it off and accept the labels from the first psych.  Things have changed, and it's really hard to put your finger on it.  I'm just saying even my dh is to the point where if there's not an explanation we're in serious doo-doo.  HE wants an explanation for things.  HE knows things aren't normally and that what the first psych said doesn't explain it.  It was the wetting 5 times a day that got him there.  That's not normal by ANYONE's standards, and nothing the first psych said explains it.  No encopresis or physical explanation, just a seeming lack of sensory, lack of ability to self-advocate (knowing he's allowed to ASK in church or in a class), immaturity, etc. coming together. 

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Huge hugs.

 

I had a three hour conversation of Friday with a IRL friend who is going through a similar thing. She thinks family will cope better with her children if they can apply certain labels (which the children likely qualify for). She is upset by the thought. My point to her is that certain labels open doors to funding and help.

 

Are you grieving a little bit---the loss of the hope that he was just dyslexic and apraxic?

It's confusing, honestly.  MY family will be totally cool with it.  My family has lesbians, alcoholics, felons, former drug addicts, and a strong ability to accept people as they are.  My family can handle it.  It's my dh's family, all prim and proper, that I'm not sure about.  And yes, it doubles the funding and should open doors.  I've been thinking about how I could use it to advocate for situations where I want him to have access but he needs more support.  I'm glad for it in that sense.  

 

Yes, there's a bit of that trauma and grief.  But I like him so much, it's not terrible.  It's just more the complication than anything.  And the invisibility of it, that people will have opinions or not treat him right or dispute and I'll have to punch them.  I really don't want to hurt my hands doing it.

 

(I'm joking. I would never, or almost never, punch anyone.)

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No definitely not alone! We are with you even if you cant see us. Think of us as magical fairies that choose to stay invisible... :)

 

 

We cross posted. Get the answers you need and know you are a goid mom. You are working for yoyr child to find a better path for all of you.

 

And think of us as the invisible power squad ready to send support whenever you need it...

:lol:   :lol:  You're definitely cheering me up!!

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Since I'm serial posting here already, it took ME about ten years to really wrap my brain around the diagnosis that was suggested when he was three.  The people who have been on this board have been a witness to my back and forth and confusion and more testing and finally kind of just doing what works.  The results from what will almost certainly be the very last round of testing he receives are due to be given any day now.  The appointment to receive results was moved due to the tester's oral surgery, and that was almost two weeks ago.

 

Long story longer, if it takes you time (even years) to wrap your brain around a diagnosis or to accept this, so be it.  The only "harm" would be in not pursuing interventions due to denial.  There is no harm in mentally refusing to accept a diagnosis but pursuing treatment.  No one can force you, even professionals with letters after their name.  You will do it when you are good and ready.

Oh my lands, this is SO profound.  And you know, that's where it has to be for people who aren't there yet in the family.  I can tell them *I* have to move forward with interventions and *they* can get onboard with the diagnosis when they're ready.

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I've gone back and forth over the years in terms of accepting my little one's diagnosis of autism.

 

Originally, I felt that she was too social to have ASD and all the symptoms were a factor of the speech & language delay.

 

Then after 4 different evaluators agreed on the diagnosis, I accepted it.

 

Flash forward 3 years and the discovery of the hearing loss brought back my doubts.

 

It's coming up on 2 months since the audiology exam and where I'm at now is feeling like the original label from when she was a toddler is actually the most appropriate: Global Developmental Delay. We know she's delayed in multiple areas (speech & language, social interaction, and self-care are the main ones) and in general she just seems much younger than her chronological age. It isn't just the hearing impairment because it started when her hearing was within the normal range.

 

I'm hoping the NP at Kennedy Krieger will be able to get some useful results out of DD that will shed light on what is going on inside her head. The NP is supposed to be an expert on testing kids who are deaf/hard-of-hearing so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll be worth the $$$ and the trip down to Baltimore from my in-laws' home near Philly.

 

Sorry for rambling but I just wanted to say I feel your pain about dealing with a complex child who doesn't fit neatly into the little boxes medicine & psychology have for SN kids.

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You mean I'm supposed to imagine the new psych a sissy? I can't, lol. I've met him and he's Einstein. Like he's totally got the hair, everything. He thinks in these long paragraphs and I found myself making huge mental leaps. Actually, it was like working with the psych I used with dd, where he was EMPOWERING, instead of what the other psych did, tearing me down and saying I shouldn't be teaching him.

 

So in that sense I'm really excited to talk with him again, because I'm finding peace in his answers and my soul fills like a bird in spring, feeling like she finally has fresh air to breathe and SUNSHINE instead of the dank and fog.

 

There's no pow-ing this one. When this happens, our lives change. Gone will be the little pristine image of me and my tag-along, cute, merely dyslexic boy. Way more complicated. But that's ok, I'm getting there. Just hard to wrangle and advocate and get changes and fight the crowd who can't see it, who don't want to help. I think my new line is going to be "I didn't ask you to see it; I just asked you to help. I didn't ask if you saw it; just help me." Hmmph, it hadn't occurred to me I could pull that line. I just think I'm going to get the "well I can't see it..." thing. Whatever, jump. Why do people feel they have the RIGHT to dispute? Whatever. Whatever it is, it IS.

 

I met up with somebody this week who sees ds occasionally (once or twice a year), and she commented that that was the FIRST TIME ds had ever spoken to her. Then of course he promptly stopped, lol. But point is people are noticing and they don't know what to make of it. They don't have a word, can't put their finger on it, but he stands out. So maybe it's not totally invisible but it's unfamiliar and hard to understand? I don't know. This will just be really different. With dd I've encouraged her *not* to say her label, because it's not socially acceptable in our circles and predisposes you to idiotic bias and assumptions. With ds, I think it has to be the total inverse; I think we're going to have to use the label. Assuming that's what happens next week, obviously.

Noooooo! The info is power and with that info you can use it to help R. It was more of an internal girl power pow! Your new np sounds great.

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I think the new guy (spectrumish himself - shhhh) sounds like exactly what you need.

 

Dh's family never accepts anything.  Whatever.  They are weird and ignoramuses.  MIL argued with me when little dd was diagnosed in utero with bilateral clubfoot.  She talked over me loudly when I mentioned my ds's delays when he was a toddler.  Okay, then, you live in a land in which nothing is ever wrong.  The rest of us will be over here in reality land.  SIL still offers my kids mac and cheese and bread after SEVEN years of being gluten free. BIL finally stopped doing things that made my SN kid cry.  Good grief.  My family has been very understanding and accepting.

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I think the new guy (spectrumish himself - shhhh) sounds like exactly what you need.

 

Dh's family never accepts anything.  Whatever.  They are weird and ignoramuses.  MIL argued with me when little dd was diagnosed in utero with bilateral clubfoot.  She talked over me loudly when I mentioned my ds's delays when he was a toddler.  Okay, then, you live in a land in which nothing is ever wrong.  The rest of us will be over here in reality land.  SIL still offers my kids mac and cheese and bread after SEVEN years of being gluten free. BIL finally stopped doing things that made my SN kid cry.  Good grief.  My family has been very understanding and accepting.

My ils are that way to.  They won't even own up to asthma.  

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Yes, there's a bit of that trauma and grief.  But I like him so much, it's not terrible. 

 

The day my older one went for testing, I cried in the psych's office. I was sure they wouldn't find him gifted or find a diagnosis, and then I would just be nuts. People had done their best to convince me I was, lol!

 

But what you said here--that's really the whole ball of wax. He's got you in his corner, and you like being with him. You are going to work with him to make him the best he can be. That's awesome.

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I've gone back and forth over the years in terms of accepting my little one's diagnosis of autism.

 

Originally, I felt that she was too social to have ASD and all the symptoms were a factor of the speech & language delay.

 

Then after 4 different evaluators agreed on the diagnosis, I accepted it.

 

Flash forward 3 years and the discovery of the hearing loss brought back my doubts.

 

It's coming up on 2 months since the audiology exam and where I'm at now is feeling like the original label from when she was a toddler is actually the most appropriate: Global Developmental Delay. We know she's delayed in multiple areas (speech & language, social interaction, and self-care are the main ones) and in general she just seems much younger than her chronological age. It isn't just the hearing impairment because it started when her hearing was within the normal range.

 

I'm hoping the NP at Kennedy Krieger will be able to get some useful results out of DD that will shed light on what is going on inside her head. The NP is supposed to be an expert on testing kids who are deaf/hard-of-hearing so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll be worth the $$$ and the trip down to Baltimore from my in-laws' home near Philly.

 

Sorry for rambling but I just wanted to say I feel your pain about dealing with a complex child who doesn't fit neatly into the little boxes medicine & psychology have for SN kids.

Have you done the survey at autism.org?  Maybe they closed it?  They were collecting data for types (they are working with maybe 12 subtypes) and were sending back results saying what type your dc appeared to fall into or indeed whether in fact they *weren't*.  

 

And thanks about admitting your wavering.  I thought it would be all b&w, but that's how it is, where some days you're in the no way and others it's way obvious.  His SLP is flabbergasted.  Chew on that one.

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TX-Yes, that's exactly what happens.  And you might be right, it might be that it's so necessary to keep the image of perfection.  Maybe need a few wild things to happen to blow it so people can loosen up.  Or maybe it's an odd form of cognitive rigidity??  I don't know.  Whatever it is, you're living it.

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 People had done their best to convince me I was, lol!

 

THIS.  And what's so weird is the sources!  Concerned grandparents you expect to be in denial, but a speech therapist???  What benefit is there to that??  Why act like just because he's known you since he was two and has learned appropriate behavior with you that he's therefore appropriate EVERYWHERE and with EVERYONE???

 

Ok, here's an odd question to anyone who wants to bite.  Cognitive rigidity, say ds saying he didn't want veges in his pasta sauce today because sauce should be SMOOTH.  I look at that, freak out, seeing him digging in his heels FOREVER (because he has been trying to do this with other things), and I start into the flexibility discussion.  Someone else in the house says oh, no biggee, LOTS OF KIDS ARE PICKY AT THAT AGE, HE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.  So will he or won't he?  Can a person on the spectrum have rigidity that he grows out of miraculously at say age 12, or does it ALWAYS lead to entrenched rigidity (without instruction on flexibility) because that's (duh) the definition of spectrum?  A more typical or even cognitively rigid or picky ADHD child *would* grow out of it as they mature.  Will a spectrum dc? Is that even a statistical probability?  

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And thanks about admitting your wavering.  I thought it would be all b&w, but that's how it is, where some days you're in the no way and others it's way obvious.  His SLP is flabbergasted.  Chew on that one.

I tended to waver on dx about every other year.  It was pretty crazy-making.  I'm mostly settled now.  It makes me want to call up all the professionals I argued with in the school system and admit I think they were probably correct so I can finally lose the title of "mom in denial".  It became almost a joke at the end between all of us, after years of doing the same song and dance.  "You do know that everyone thinks he has ___________, right?"  (from the director of the special ed department)  "Yes, I do.  I understand why.  I just don't know that I agree."  Really, it was almost funny.  Most of them treated me kindly.   They knew I was doing my best to help him and get him services.  His fabulous OT and I never discussed it.  She let everyone else push me.  

 

This is not a black and white diagnosis.  There is a very wide variation in presentation.  So many nuances.  So much overlapping with it.

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Ok, here's an odd question to anyone who wants to bite.  Cognitive rigidity, say ds saying he didn't want veges in his pasta sauce today because sauce should be SMOOTH.  I look at that, freak out, seeing him digging in his heels FOREVER (because he has been trying to do this with other things), and I start into the flexibility discussion.  Someone else in the house says oh, no biggee, LOTS OF KIDS ARE PICKY AT THAT AGE, HE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.  So will he or won't he?  Can a person on the spectrum have rigidity that he grows out of miraculously at say age 12, or does it ALWAYS lead to entrenched rigidity (without instruction on flexibility) because that's (duh) the definition of spectrum?  A more typical or even cognitively rigid or picky ADHD child *would* grow out of it as they mature.  Will a spectrum dc? Is that even a statistical probability?  

Honey, I still have to put all spaghetti sauce in the food processor or ds will not eat it.  He specifically asks about pasta dishes - Did you food process this?  Lord help us if I forgot.

 

Now, he ate Shepherd's Pie last week with very carefully chosen ingredients which were passed by him prior to the preparation, but he will not eat chunky tomatoes.  He will eat broccoli now whereas at the age of 4 a small spoonful of chopped broccoli make him throw up at a restaurant.  You could have knocked me over with a feather when he agreed to eat Shepherd's Pie.  (Ground turkey with chopped carrots - he said no corn, covered with mashed potatoes.  He did pick out the carrots and eat them separately)

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THIS.  And what's so weird is the sources!  Concerned grandparents you expect to be in denial, but a speech therapist???  What benefit is there to that??  Why act like just because he's known you since he was two and has learned appropriate behavior with you that he's therefore appropriate EVERYWHERE and with EVERYONE???

 

Ok, here's an odd question to anyone who wants to bite.  Cognitive rigidity, say ds saying he didn't want veges in his pasta sauce today because sauce should be SMOOTH.  I look at that, freak out, seeing him digging in his heels FOREVER (because he has been trying to do this with other things), and I start into the flexibility discussion.  Someone else in the house says oh, no biggee, LOTS OF KIDS ARE PICKY AT THAT AGE, HE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.  So will he or won't he?  Can a person on the spectrum have rigidity that he grows out of miraculously at say age 12, or does it ALWAYS lead to entrenched rigidity (without instruction on flexibility) because that's (duh) the definition of spectrum?  A more typical or even cognitively rigid or picky ADHD child *would* grow out of it as they mature.  Will a spectrum dc? Is that even a statistical probability?  

 

I can't explain professionals. It's way above my pay grade!

 

Rigidity--it's really a moving target and not an all the time thing with some kids. My spectrum kiddo digs in more based on how he feels in the moment (in control, on the edge of control, out of control, etc.) than on particular issues. He has his issues too though. Sometimes, watching him go head to head with others (and often with his grandmother), he is often the voice of sanity in the room. Even that may be a spectrum trait--he can be ultra logical sometimes. It's really all over the map. Just ask his tutor and behavioral specialist. :-) Sometimes he's rigid in what he expects from others instead, especially when he's being very logical..."I can fix that for you right now; it'll only take a minute..." I mean, why wouldn't you want him to fix your laptop while you are there to try to tutor them on writing, right? We couldn't possibly do our work if we had the wrong internet search engine going, right?

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Oh, and I think of it like a budget sometimes. You can afford to be flexible in this category, today, because you didn't have to flex AT ALL in these other two categories.

 

Lots of possible permutations at our house. Honestly, I can be that way myself sometimes. "If it weren't for x, I would be able to ________ today."

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THIS.  And what's so weird is the sources!  Concerned grandparents you expect to be in denial, but a speech therapist???  What benefit is there to that??  Why act like just because he's known you since he was two and has learned appropriate behavior with you that he's therefore appropriate EVERYWHERE and with EVERYONE???

 

Ok, here's an odd question to anyone who wants to bite.  Cognitive rigidity, say ds saying he didn't want veges in his pasta sauce today because sauce should be SMOOTH.  I look at that, freak out, seeing him digging in his heels FOREVER (because he has been trying to do this with other things), and I start into the flexibility discussion.  Someone else in the house says oh, no biggee, LOTS OF KIDS ARE PICKY AT THAT AGE, HE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.  So will he or won't he?  Can a person on the spectrum have rigidity that he grows out of miraculously at say age 12, or does it ALWAYS lead to entrenched rigidity (without instruction on flexibility) because that's (duh) the definition of spectrum?  A more typical or even cognitively rigid or picky ADHD child *would* grow out of it as they mature.  Will a spectrum dc? Is that even a statistical probability?  

Honestly, I think it depends on the kid and the rigid thinking and the consequences of it. I'm thinking more of the adults I know well than my son, but it seems to me that the patterns of unusual thinking sometimes continue, but the content changes. So, for example, the obsessions (very big in my little circle of the spectrum) are always there, but they change. Someone can obsess about horses for 10 years, then musical theatre for four years, then karate/MMA for 15 years. So harnessing the obsession becomes important because you can't change that there needs to be one. But within that, there is lots of room to make life lots easier, and maybe target the example that causes the most challenges.

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I think you need to maybe pick your battles?  If there is one thing you really feel he needs for nutrition that he won't eat, then maybe just give him limited exposure.  Maybe.  I don't know.  Spectrum stuff is so tricky.

 

FWIW, DS hates the feel of many things in his mouth (sensory issues).  I picked one thing that he hated (lettuce) and targeted that.  Every dinner meal he had to put a tiny piece of lettuce in his mouth and swallow or he didn't get to eat dessert.  I was very pleasant about it and explained it was to get him used to the texture.  Now, at 11, he will eat small salads.  Really small.  But he will eat them.  Sometimes he even requests them, not because he thinks they taste good but because he knows I think salad is good for you and he knows I value eating healthy things whenever possible.  He values that, too, within his limited range of acceptable foods.  Would he eat salad anyway now if I hadn't done that?  No clue.  Were there other foods I should have targeted instead?  Probably.  Again, no clue.  

 

My mother was a VERY picky eater as a kid.  She eats a ton of stuff now.  Not on the Spectrum though.

 

I ate bologna sandwiches with onions on wheat bread every lunch for nearly a year.  OCD?  No clue.  I do that a lot.  Sometimes I get to only eating certain foods a certain way and find it hard to switch.

 

I realize that was probably not helpful at all.  Sorry OhE....

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I think you need to maybe pick your battles?  If there is one thing you really feel he needs for nutrition that he won't eat, then maybe just give him limited exposure.  Maybe.  I don't know.  Spectrum stuff is so tricky.

 

FWIW, DS hates the feel of many things in his mouth (sensory issues).  I picked one thing that he hated (lettuce) and targeted that.  Every dinner meal he had to put a tiny piece of lettuce in his mouth and swallow or he didn't get to eat dessert.  I was very pleasant about it and explained it was to get him used to the texture.  Now, at 11, he will eat small salads.  Really small.  But he will eat them.  Sometimes he even requests them, not because he thinks they taste good but because he knows I think salad is good for you and he knows I value eating healthy things whenever possible.  He values that, too, within his limited range of acceptable foods.  Would he eat salad anyway now if I hadn't done that?  No clue.  Were there other foods I should have targeted instead?  Probably.  Again, no clue.  

 

My mother was a VERY picky eater as a kid.  She eats a ton of stuff now.  Not on the Spectrum though.

 

I ate bologna sandwiches with onions on wheat bread every lunch for nearly a year.  OCD?  No clue.  I do that a lot.  Sometimes I get to only eating certain foods a certain way and find it hard to switch.

 

I realize that was probably not helpful at all.  Sorry OhE....

Unhelpful rambler.

 

Weird eater.

 

;)

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I think some things improve with a touch of time/maturity. When Punk was younger he could not tolerate ANY deviation to schedule. (I mean if I we planned to go to the bank, the store, and get icecream I could not change the order. If we got ice cream first he would cry as he ate it. Sit in an icecream shop with a sobbing little boy WHO IS HAVING ICE CREAM. People get perplexed.) Now, at age 12, he can handle deviation with a little forwarning. He can even handle changing the order of events if he is assured all events are still happening.

 

Other things though........he has refused to wear a tucked in shirt since he turned 3. (Before really, I just didn't understand what his unhappiness was about) It is a sensory thing for him. The same with basket ball style mesh shorts. He cannot stand the feel. He is more vocal about things like that then ever. But I see it as a good thing for him to learn to vocalize preferences and understand that people don't intuitively know that a thing bothers him.

 

You have gotten such good advice in this thread. (((Hugs))) The process of diagnosis is emotionally taxing. And I am convinced that the reconciling of who our children are with who/what our expectations were is a journey not a destination.

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I think some people grow out of things and some people grow, change, and learn but do not quite "grow out of" things.  

 

It is something to think about, but you might be coming close to pathologizing some things.  It is okay not to -- you don't have to.  You are still a good parent.  

 

Otoh, I don't think it is a helpful comment to say "kids grow out of it" and minimize your concerns.  

 

I think there is truth in both perspectives.

 

But really, you can't predict the future.   

 

However -- I think plenty of people are either much more flexible as they get older or able to arrange things to suit them in a polite way.  

 

But really you can't predict the future with any child.  You just can't.  But expecting kids to change, progress, grow, and mature is very fair to expect for all kids.  

 

But I do not think any parenting of any child comes with any guarantee or ability to predict the future.  

 

Edit:  I hope you can meet in the middle with family members, where they don't think *everything* can be explained way, and you don't see *everything* through a lens of "OMG!!! this is a sign!!!  what does the future hold!!!!"  For more rational people, you might find consensus if you backed off a tiny bit.  

 

BUT if it is just someone who is minimizing your concerns and in denial, then maybe that is something valuable for your son if that person is good with your son.  But I would not count it as a supportive comment to me and at a certain point I would not want to hear it any more and let the person know that I was the parent and doing things as I saw fit, do not contradict me.  However the person could percieve him/herself as being supportive by telling you "not to worry" but if they didn't drop it the fact is that maybe it is unsupportive and they need to respect you.  

 

But this sounds like someone who may be supportive in some ways, but not the person you talk to about certain things b/c you do not agree in some fundamental ways while still being abl eto agree on many, many things.  

 

I also think it is the kind of thing people say when they see you getting stressed out, and they are well-meaning, and their purpose is just to ratchet down the tension.  They don't mean too much by it.  If you think back and this might be the case -- then you know that person is trying to calm you down, and maybe it is good to be calmed down while you handle it as you think is appropriate, and feel like "well, they are letting me know they are not thinking negative thoughts right now."  B/c that is another reason someone could say that.  I think it can be someone say to just make you feel better and less stressed out.  But it is not really factual information to be used to figure out if a behavior is generally considered age appropriate or not.  This is something that can be said by people who are having good manners, trying to make the evening go smoothly and be supportive of you.  

 

People can say this kind of thing to me and my son is clearly "out there" and not acting age appropriate at all (at all) but it is still something nice to say if I look like I am embarassed or stressing out.  But it is not like it means, literally, "there is no developmental difference here."  

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My dh (who has no diagnoses at all and doesn't qualify for any) refused to eat my Shepherd's Pie until I threw a fit. Some people are just particular.

Absolute truth.

 

I have two Sneaky Chef cookbooks.

 

I bought them to deal with DH.

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Absolute truth.

 

I have two Sneaky Chef cookbooks.

 

I bought them to deal with DH.

This is what I need.

 

He ate black bean brownies...until he found out they were made of black beans.

 

He ate pad thai...until he found out it had fish sauce in it.

 

He will eat neither of those things ever again.

 

He is a toddler at the dinner table.

 

My SN kid will sometimes try things because he is trying to be healthy, like the lettuce mentioned upthread.  Lettuce doesn't taste like much so he ate it for awhile.  He added carrots (cooked and raw) to his diet a few years ago along with broccoli.  He will also eat soup made of things like chicken or beef and various veggies.  For him, it is really branching out.

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