Maus Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 . . . others like me who often feel like your spouse is another special needs child you have to deal with? I don't want to start a lot of bashing or complaining; I'm just needing to know I'm not the only one, because it was a really rough week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 (((hugs))) My SN kid's issues are not genetic, but I understand that many are and have watched many friends struggle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 You are not alone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Ha! Right with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Yep, DH is dyslexic, dysgraphic possibly ADHD and has Executive Function issues. Hugs OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathermomster Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 The issues that my children face are shared across their entire genetic spectrum, which unfortunately includes peeps on my side too. I attribute their love of science and natural curiosity to me. DH attributes DD's stubbornness to me. I attribute my DD's natural good looks to me. I attribute son's verbosity and gentle nature to DH. DS drives like his father. The list goes on and on. ETA: DH is currently doing our taxes and asking me questions. DH speaks out loud when he thinks, which drives me nuts. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 FWIW, when DH and I got engaged, much to my parents' horror, I gave DH a list of all the genetic issues in my family, like diabetes and cancer, so he would know what he was getting into. It never occured to me to ask for his. We chuckle about that now. :) 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 FWIW, when DH and I got engaged, much to my parents' horror, I gave DH a list of all the genetic issues in my family, like diabetes and cancer, so he would know what he was getting into. It never occured to me to ask for his. We chuckle about that now. :) Oh that is too funny! Seriously, I've been trying to figure out what it's morally obligatory to disclose when your ds is hunting for a wife... Like maybe wait till the ring is on before you tell people? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maus Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Thanks, everyone! I got just the tiniest bit teary-eyed to see your responses. It's a little easier to deal when you know you aren't the only one. I have a couple of real life friends who let me vent, but they don't really get what I deall with with the kids even. They see I do too much, and they absolutely don't get why there are some things I can't pass off to DH. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 On the positive side, it does encourage me to realize that a "better half" could be the answer to all my worries for my sons. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I know I'm late to respond, but YES. In fact, that reality has derailed our whole day yet again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 On the positive side, it does encourage me to realize that a "better half" could be the answer to all my worries for my sons. That's a good way to pray for our boys! :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I know I'm late to respond, but YES. In fact, that reality has derailed our whole day yet again. Surely Jane Austen must have something to say to this. You know, like about women who wait on men or something. All I can think of are lines from Tootsie, and they aren't decent. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 On the positive side, it does encourage me to realize that a "better half" could be the answer to all my worries for my sons. Haha, I think this way about my daughter sometimes. Like if she could find a guy who was just an average hard-working blue collar kinda guy who could handle things like bills and complex stuff she could be a really great sorta old-school wife. She loves to cook, can clean no problem with a schedule in place, and is super fun and pretty and sweet with babies. I think if she found the right partner she could be successful in life and have a pretty normal lifestyle and be an asset to her family. My oldest son I told he shouldn't get married because I don't want to inflict his absent-minded professor self on some poor girl! Love him but oy, he's too like my husband and it's a trial being married to that type sometimes. ;) But OP, my DD and DH have ADHD even though DD is adopted and I often feel like I'm losing my mind! I have to be their 'brains' and quite frankly I don't have room in my head for everybody's schedules and to-do lists. Living with ADHD people makes *me* feel ADHD even though I'm most certainly not. I can't even imagine if both had more severe issues like being on the severe end of the autism spectrum or a big combo of things. I think I'd run away screaming, lol! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Surely Jane Austen must have something to say to this. You know, like about women who wait on men or something. All I can think of are lines from Tootsie, and they aren't decent. It's been a LONG time since I've seen that movie. I might have to watch it so that I can get your drift. :-) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Living with ADHD people makes *me* feel ADHD even though I'm most certainly not. I can't even imagine if both had more severe issues like being on the severe end of the autism spectrum or a big combo of things. I think I'd run away screaming, lol! Uh-huh. It's a REALLY good thing that I don't drink. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 2nd thought, I'm pm'ing you. :D 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Oh that is too funny! Seriously, I've been trying to figure out what it's morally obligatory to disclose when your ds is hunting for a wife... Like maybe wait till the ring is on before you tell people? Oh gosh. In college, I was meeting the parents of a boyfriend. We weren't at all serious. They inquired after my knee brace. I accidentally said it was a "genetic defect" instead of a "congenital defect". Oops. Their faces were priceless. I could see them sizing up my future genetic contribution to their grandchildren. They were lovely people, which made it all that much funnier. Fortunately(?) I married a man with a much spottier pedigree than my own. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 FWIW, I pray everyday for my children's future spouses. I don't know who they are but God knows. Over time I'm appreciating more and more the questionable genetics I've brought into this partnership. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Lol. Yep. Dd got her dyslexia from me and her add from her dad. Poor poor kid. Lol Lucky she is smart, creative and pretty! Maybe it will all balance out in the end! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitterpatter Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Back when DH and I are were dating (or maybe we were still just friends then), I made a comment that my future husband must like Chinese food. (DH didn't care for it much then.) It's a running joke now and we often laugh about how I should have drafted my future husband list with more care. Hey, well, at least he likes Chinese now. Thanks for the post, OP. This has been at the back of my mind lately. I knew DH was likely dyslexic (and now, I realize other things I can't quite label), but never did I stop to consider what that might mean for our future children, us as parents or me as a wife. While I'm sure I have contributed my own share of faulty genes, it certainly seems that DD is 99.9% DH's DNA. (Another running joke.) While he functioned seemingly well enough before we got married and is successful enough at work, he dumps it all at the door. He totally uses me as a crutch. I didn't realize just how much until DD's issues. I try to laugh it off, but really all of the little things he does (or doesn't do) contribute to my stress pile. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think one of the smartest things my brother ever did was to pick his wife. Between the two of them, they hit half the DSM, but her quirks seem to balance his, and they end up doing fairly well. I am kind of glad that they have decided not to have children, though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I know this is late, but I'll join the party. You are far from alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'm the genetically defective one in our pairing. I often wonder what uncharitable thoughts his parents might be directing my way, but that's my own neuroses projected on them - they're lovely people, but much healthier than me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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