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#133651 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:36 AM

We're a family of shorties.

 

 

Okay, nephew and Krissi's DS, don't step on Renai, either.

 

 

Paul Bunyaneque booya(h)!


Edited by AMJ, 13 January 2018 - 12:44 PM.

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#133652 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:40 AM

:drool5: Mmmmm. I saw this, and asked Dancer, "Hey, isn't a true that a baker can take any recipe and adjust it for high altitude?" She assured me she could. :D I then asked if she could take any high altitude recipe and convert it for lower altitude. She was like, sure, it can take some time. So I told her she should get busy with my favorite high altitude baking book so it'll be ready when we move to Texas.  :laugh:

 

 

This will be a very handy exercise for her!  Once she figures out the trick please share it here.


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#133653 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:40 AM

It's good you have someone to change out the porch lights.

 

 

And smoke detector batteries!


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#133654 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:42 AM

Morning!!

I slept better than I thought I would, by sleeping semi-reclined. Now I'm up for the day, I guess. I just used my sinus rinse bottle and am sitting here now, with peroxide in my ear. It just feels like sinus stuff. I might go buy elderberry later. And I'm already using gelsemium and Sudafed and stuff. Any other ideas?

 

 

Steamy hot tea, or hot water with lemon and honey.  Drink it as hot as you can stand to, and in the meanwhile hold your face over it to catch the steam and warm and breathe it in as best you can.

 

GOOD chicken soup, too.


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#133655 ThatBookwormMom

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:51 AM

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Survival schooling is quite appropriate right now. So is play. Could you maybe see a way to schedule in a few time slots during the day of maybe 10 or 15 minutes where you get to take a play break with your kids? It doesn't have to be right on the scheduled minute if a butt needs wiping or whatever, but get yourself a few of these breaks every day. Run around outside. Play a board game or other game. Be silly. Just be a kid with your kids for a few minutes. You can call them Mommy's play breaks, and tell your kids that while there's a lot of work you need to do you also need a chance to just play, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time.

Play breaks can give you some more physical activity. They will also be joyful time spent with your kids, which will boost all of your spirits. Hug tag is a good game when other games aren't beckoning. The play breaks will also give you a brief change of pace and focus, which helps brains reset and clear pathways so they can resume thinking more clearly.

I have never found a kid who didn't approve of play breaks for parents.


This is a great idea! I will incorporate a few of these.
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#133656 ThatBookwormMom

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:52 AM

Liked for the sleep. Did you get several good hours of it?


Six! And straight, which is a blessing. DH got up with kids, so I got another half hour after they were up. I feel like a new person.
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#133657 Junie

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:59 AM

Good Morning!

 

Dh is taking down the Christmas decorations before it becomes freezing cold.

Dd13 helped me sort through more baby clothes for my niece.

The pile for GoodWill just keeps growing and growing...


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#133658 myblessings4

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 11:02 AM

Doggies are clean and have ear drops.

I started our bedding in the washer, scooped litter box, and made unsweet and sweet tea.

Ground beef is thawing.

I used the peroxide again.

I feel way better than last night, and my Heart rate is normal again!

Edited by myblessings4, 13 January 2018 - 11:03 AM.

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#133659 ThatBookwormMom

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 11:18 AM

Reader and Runner are pretending to be wolves playing house. It's quite interesting.

Squishy keeps bringing me plastic dishes and fruit from the play kitchen. When I pretend to eat it, he cocks his head to the side and grunts, "Mo?"

SuperDude is hiding in his Fortress of Solitude and won't come out until the mac n cheese is ready.
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#133660 ThatBookwormMom

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 11:19 AM

Yay for feeling better!
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#133661 luuknam

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 11:53 AM

I have completed about a third of it so far today.  I'll resume tomorrow.

 

So did you get it finished yet?

 

What age would you use D'Aulaire's Book of Greek Myths with?

 

 

IIRC I read it to the kids when Celery was 8. Broccoli had just turned 5, and he listened to only some of the stories; he was a bit too young.


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#133662 luuknam

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 11:56 AM

Edpo:

 

Would you read Howard Pyle's Robin Hood first, or King Arthur? I'm leaning towards Robin Hood - it seems a little easier (my kids are not *that* familiar with old-fashioned language, and reading it out loud isn't always so easy either). 


Edited by luuknam, 13 January 2018 - 11:56 AM.


#133663 Another Lynn

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:04 PM

Edpo:

 

Would you read Howard Pyle's Robin Hood first, or King Arthur? I'm leaning towards Robin Hood - it seems a little easier (my kids are not *that* familiar with old-fashioned language, and reading it out loud isn't always so easy either). 

 

Disclaimer, I haven't read Pyle's King Arthur.  But I still vote Robin Hood because it's funny.  I'm doubting King Arthur has as many funny parts.  


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#133664 Paige

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:04 PM

Bookie, my situation is not the same but DH used to drop hints all the time about how I should get a job and how if I wasn't homeschooling, I could get a job, and talk about his coworkers who were 2 income families and how awesome it was. It was maddening because I'd have LOVED to get a job! I never could understand how such an intelligent man who was in charge of hiring others couldn't see that it wouldn't work. He was always kind and respectful, but I still found it hurtful. Homeschooling and being a SAHP was never my dream and it just rubbed it in to me that he didn't get the sacrifice I was and have been making. 

 

First, my degrees were old and my contacts were in other states. I'd have to go back and take a couple classes to update myself and meet some people for references. But mainly, our kids had so many issues requiring so many doctors' appointments. How could I start a new job and say that I needed off 1-2 times a week at a minimum during the day for my kids? DH would not be able to do it because of his job. And then, I felt like he totally disregarded the good I was doing with homeschooling- as if the school would have been just as good. It would not have been good at the time because of their issues and issues with the school, and educationally, I have been repeatedly vindicated. Even the kids that I felt were significantly behind are doing exceptionally at school and ahead of their peers in most areas. My DD who went back to school at the youngest age drives us crazy. I wish I could bring her home- her education, behavior, and mental health would probably improve. 

 

I think it's more common to have these tensions about SAH parenting and 2 income families than it is to have both parents perfectly in sync. 

 

Perhaps you could suggest that your DH could give you time to volunteer. One barrier to employment is a lack of current contacts and work experience. You could sell it to your DH as you are volunteering to make connections in the community and to gain experience that you can use to help you gain a paying job later. It gives your DH hope that you are working to stay employable, and gives you some time away with adults doing something productive for your mental health. Or could you teach classes online like Renai? I think you need a degree but I don't think they care what it's in. 

 

 


Edited by Paige, 13 January 2018 - 12:06 PM.

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#133665 luuknam

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:07 PM

Vopo.

 

Celery threw up, proceeded to eat a bunch of cheese and crackers, and now is lying in bed not quite asleep. And then I proceeded to read some ITT, and just finished 2666, the page about the flu. Great. 

 

I don't know if he's got the flu - I think not, because he isn't complaining about hurting or w/e. 


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#133666 JoJosMom

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:31 PM

Are we married to the same d*mn man????

 

I could not keep up working and keeping house. Go back a thousand or so pages and read my anguish. Never mind, you have your own. That's why I'm home, and I don't even have four kids. I work part-time from home and am still tired...

 

:iagree: What they said.

 

There will be no husbands on the island. The only men will be hot male servants. In loincloths or palm fronds. I cannot wait.

 

:mellow:


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#133667 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:32 PM

There will be no husbands on the island. The only men will be hot male servants. In loincloths or palm fronds. I cannot wait.

 

:mellow:

 

This is where I run out of likes?  Really?  Like!


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#133668 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:35 PM

My retirement plan - get enough money for a tiny house for the backyard.  Go sleep in it at night.  No galumphing elephants are allowed to wake me up!  Especially on Saturday morning.  And especially when they come out, rattle around loudly waking me up and then decide to go back to bed so that now I have to tiptoe around because I refuse to be a galumphing elephant. 


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#133669 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:40 PM

Our back deck is the happenin' place for our feathered friends this morning. We can see cardinals, dark-eyed juncos, chickadees, goldfinches, house finches, Carolina wrens, downey woodpecker, mourning doves, red-bellied woodpecker, tufted titmouse, and a squirrel. I expect the nuthatch to show uo pretty soon.

 

 

Time to hang out at Susan's house!



#133670 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:41 PM

Tonight I am taking the boys to the ILs so I can have a girls' night out. The overtime stress is getting to DH and things feel tense right now. He hasn't been home before 9 pm all week. When he is home, he exudes a bubble of negativity.
The overtime stress is also getting to my boys. They get needy and clingy and uncooperative when Daddy works long hours. I hope they don't throw fits when I drop them off. I need a few hours of adult time, and I need to go to the store sans kids to buy birthday presents.

Also, I need a drink.

Sent from my HTCD160LVW using Tapatalk

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:



#133671 JoJosMom

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:41 PM

This is where I run out of likes?  Really?  Like!

 

Perhaps my naughtiness was deemed unworthy of liking?teehee.gif


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#133672 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:43 PM

Perhaps my naughtiness was deemed unworthy of liking?teehee.gif

 

You notice I found a way around it. . . .


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#133673 Susan in TN

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:45 PM

And smoke detector batteries!


And take down the garland above the back door!
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#133674 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:46 PM

Six! And straight, which is a blessing. DH got up with kids, so I got another half hour after they were up. I feel like a new person.

 

 

:hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:


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#133675 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:49 PM

So did you get it finished yet?

 

 

 

IIRC I read it to the kids when Celery was 8. Broccoli had just turned 5, and he listened to only some of the stories; he was a bit too young.

 

 

Oh, yes, I finished it the next day.  Now I have to wait a couple of weeks for my certificate to come in, and my certified copy of my driving record.  They should arrive by the time I'm back in Texas with Dad, so I'll send everything off to the court after I get back.


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#133676 myblessings4

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:50 PM

Sheets are back on my bed, comforter in dryer, and ds31 sheets are washing.

I just did round 2 of nasal rinse and peroxide in ears.

Oh! And I took a cat nap.

I know y'all are very interested.

Edited by myblessings4, 13 January 2018 - 12:50 PM.

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#133677 Susan in TN

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:51 PM

Vopo.

Celery threw up, proceeded to eat a bunch of cheese and crackers, and now is lying in bed not quite asleep. And then I proceeded to read some ITT, and just finished 2666, the page about the flu. Great.

I don't know if he's got the flu - I think not, because he isn't complaining about hurting or w/e.


(((Celery))) I think the serious flu going around is a body-aches-fever-congestion flu, not so much tummy flu. (Could be wrong about that.)
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#133678 KrissiK

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 12:58 PM

Good Morning!!!

Saturday!!!

COFFEE!!☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️

I think we are all among the land of the living. I slept for 11 hours last night. I feel much better today. DS thought he was going to die last night. I promised him a nice funeral. Now he’s bugging people, so I think he’s going to live.🙄

DS2 and DH are going on a Scouts camping trip this weekend. They’re going to do a service project at a local reservoir. One of their jobs will be to throw Christmas trees into the lake to provide fish habitat.
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#133679 Susan in TN

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:00 PM

I could use some coffee. The decorations are put in their containers and dh has taken the lights and tree down, though they need to go into their boxes. I swept the floor a bit. My brain appreciates the empty space. :)
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#133680 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:00 PM

I think that the varied thrush is a beautiful bird.  https://nationalzoo....Varied_ThrushThere is one outside with all the other pigs with wings, hoping that I will refill the bird feeder. 


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#133681 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:00 PM

Bookie, my situation is not the same but DH used to drop hints all the time about how I should get a job and how if I wasn't homeschooling, I could get a job, and talk about his coworkers who were 2 income families and how awesome it was. It was maddening because I'd have LOVED to get a job! I never could understand how such an intelligent man who was in charge of hiring others couldn't see that it wouldn't work. He was always kind and respectful, but I still found it hurtful. Homeschooling and being a SAHP was never my dream and it just rubbed it in to me that he didn't get the sacrifice I was and have been making. 

 

First, my degrees were old and my contacts were in other states. I'd have to go back and take a couple classes to update myself and meet some people for references. But mainly, our kids had so many issues requiring so many doctors' appointments. How could I start a new job and say that I needed off 1-2 times a week at a minimum during the day for my kids? DH would not be able to do it because of his job. And then, I felt like he totally disregarded the good I was doing with homeschooling- as if the school would have been just as good. It would not have been good at the time because of their issues and issues with the school, and educationally, I have been repeatedly vindicated. Even the kids that I felt were significantly behind are doing exceptionally at school and ahead of their peers in most areas. My DD who went back to school at the youngest age drives us crazy. I wish I could bring her home- her education, behavior, and mental health would probably improve. 

 

I think it's more common to have these tensions about SAH parenting and 2 income families than it is to have both parents perfectly in sync. 

 

Perhaps you could suggest that your DH could give you time to volunteer. One barrier to employment is a lack of current contacts and work experience. You could sell it to your DH as you are volunteering to make connections in the community and to gain experience that you can use to help you gain a paying job later. It gives your DH hope that you are working to stay employable, and gives you some time away with adults doing something productive for your mental health. Or could you teach classes online like Renai? I think you need a degree but I don't think they care what it's in. 

 

 

It took me a long time to accept giving up my paycheck job after I did so.  I didn't like not earning for myself, or letting my skills grow stale.  I could see the sense in stopping the paycheck job and I have never regretted it, but it was a loss and I needed time to grieve and adjust.  I can see the productivity of everything I'm handling now (most of the time) and so can DH so I have regained some sense of accomplishment, which is the primary reason I did adjust.

 

I still get to battle, once in a while, someone who thinks I can take on other responsibilities for them just because my schedule isn't as locked up as theirs.  Sorry, but my hours are just as full as yours.  Take care of it yourself!


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#133682 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:01 PM

Vopo.

 

Celery threw up, proceeded to eat a bunch of cheese and crackers, and now is lying in bed not quite asleep. And then I proceeded to read some ITT, and just finished 2666, the page about the flu. Great. 

 

I don't know if he's got the flu - I think not, because he isn't complaining about hurting or w/e. 

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:



#133683 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:05 PM

I had absolutely no problem giving up paid work to come home.  I wasn't a bad worker and I had some pretty interesting jobs but I like being my own boss.  But I also didn't get married until I was almost 30, and wasn't able to have children at first so I had many years to have those interesting jobs.  I don't know if I would like being a SAHM if I didn't have the interesting job of homeschooling, though.  It also helps that teaching is my passion. 


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#133684 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:06 PM

Also - I knew even when I was single that if I ever had kids that I wanted to stay home and homeschool them.  It was part of the dating "interview" and it was a deal breaker for me. 


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#133685 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:06 PM

Sheets are back on my bed, comforter in dryer, and ds31 sheets are washing.

I just did round 2 of nasal rinse and peroxide in ears.

Oh! And I took a cat nap.

I know y'all are very interested.

 

 

DD13 is away for the weekend for cousin's birthday, traveling there with Grandma & Grandpa, and won't be back until after DD16 and I leave.  I have washed her sheets and remade her bed, moved all of her stuffed animals from her old room to her new room, and finished moving over the furniture she has.  I have the second load of her clothes and mine in the dryer and the kids' bathroom towels in the wash.

 

I plan on having as much clothing washed as I can get before DD16 and I drive out Monday morning, and clean sheets on all beds.  If I can I'll also get the closet in DD13's new room emptied out so she can move her clothes over from the closet in her old room -- DH can help her, if needed, to reconfigure anything.

 

DD16 and I still need to pack, but we are packing light and planning on doing laundry each week at our hotel.  

 

This morning DD16 and DH are having a Geometry intensive.


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#133686 Another Lynn

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:09 PM

Good Morning!!!

Saturday!!!

COFFEE!!☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️

I think we are all among the land of the living. I slept for 11 hours last night. I feel much better today. DS thought he was going to die last night. I promised him a nice funeral. Now he’s bugging people, so I think he’s going to live.🙄

DS2 and DH are going on a Scouts camping trip this weekend. They’re going to do a service project at a local reservoir. One of their jobs will be to throw Christmas trees into the lake to provide fish habitat.

 

Now, that's a Christmas tradition I could totally get behind - throwing Christmas trees away!!!!  (bah-humbug!)   :laugh:


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#133687 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:10 PM

I could use some coffee. The decorations are put in their containers and dh has taken the lights and tree down, though they need to go into their boxes. I swept the floor a bit. My brain appreciates the empty space. :)

 

 

DH and I were discussing how much stuff would realistically fit in Dad's new apartment, thinking through where the packing limit should be (if needed) as we clear Dad out of Colorado.  If we keep things manageable for his new apartment we might be looking at a smaller U-Haul trailer instead of a large one!  We are trying to preserve some empty space in Dad's new place.  I know he will like the empty space once he experiences it.


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#133688 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:11 PM

I think that the varied thrush is a beautiful bird.  https://nationalzoo....Varied_ThrushThere is one outside with all the other pigs with wings, hoping that I will refill the bird feeder. 

 

 

Ooooo, very pretty!


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#133689 Susan in TN

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:17 PM

Ooooo, very pretty!


I like the orangeness.
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#133690 Another Lynn

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:18 PM

Ed po warning....

 

So, I thought I had a plan for 14yo dd's history and english to finish out the year, but now I'm second guessing it.  <sigh>  I don't even know if I can explain all the options in my head in a sensible enough way for y'all to help me.  English is my bigger question mark.  She's interested in OYAN, which I was going to let be an elective, but could be part of her English credit depending on what else we do.  (I kind of hate for her to start on it mid year, on the other hand, she's interested in it, so that's a plus.)  Dh is interested in her doing test prep on Kahn, so if she did that for the English related sections, that could be part of her credit.  (She's not testing ANY time soon, so we could put that off til next year.)  I was going to use a resource to cover the Research Paper in 10 steps (taking 8-10 weeks), but I'm now super excited about it.  IF we used EIW next year I think it would cover the research paper, so why take the time to do it now.  She read plenty of literature in the fall, so we could either be done with literature, or do a little and either way, it would be fine.  I just finished reading the Reader's Odyssey and really liked it, so maybe we could start implementing it lightly this spring.  

 

:willy_nilly:  :willy_nilly:  :willy_nilly:


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#133691 Slache

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:19 PM

Unkers: https://www.amazon.c...d=1870DJJBR91I9
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#133692 Tsuga

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:20 PM

Baby is in a much better mood today! He's still not sure how to move his mouth anymore and eating is a struggle but I think he'll get it. I'm scared to try the stretching exercises because he's happy and I don't want to hurt him. 

 

 

"This feeling is only uncomfortable because I have decided it is uncomfortable."

"Instead of saying, take this uncomfortable feeling away, I should be glad for the opportunity to endure it."

#marcusaurelius #stoic

 

Love the first one. The second is bullshit. "Opportunities to endure" are not opportunities. #icriticizetheancients #dealwithit

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Indeed... I have two kids who I'd homeschool if it weren't for them.

 

This is part of keeping one's own sanity.  Treats like this are necessary from time to time.

 

 

My aunt/godmother never minded sitting in standstill rush-hour traffic when coming home from volunteering.  It was the only time she had to herself, when no one else could make any demands upon her.  (This was before the age of cell phones, and car phones were expensive.)  She'd listen to music and r-e-l-a-x..........

 

Why do you all think I work a full-time job?

 

Can you guys come talk to DH? He doesn't seem to understand this. AMJ is partially right, in the concerns that come up. He also has told me both that he hasn't wanted homeschooling, that was my wish, and that he is glad we're homeschooling because the schools are so bad. 🤔 Either way, I have tried to explain that I'm already working a ton, and would be no matter what their school situation. Homeschoolong actually gives me more flexibility. Point being, I can't say homeschooling is my job, though I feel it is, because he doesn't feel that's letigitmate and it will spark a conversation I don't want to have again. He also doesn't seem to think parenting and housekeeping and cooking is a legitimate time cost, either, as he still wants me employed and pursuing a career. He says it's a fail safe, in case he's laid off again, and he says it's for later, when the kids are educated and grown, so he can retire. He also says the financial burden is heavy to bear alone, and why should I be asking him for help with my job, but then be unwilling to help him with his?

Anyway, the point to all of the above is his participation or lack thereof changes nothing about my daily/weekly/monthly responsibilities, and there will always be pressure from him to be earning an income. No way out. Yet we need to eat and be clean, we need to educate, and I nees to somehow be a person.

I'm thinking about what you said, Critter. I'm also wondering if we shouldn't just skip anything that's not basic skill subjects until Squishy is a bit older, and maybe buy some time that way. But then, would they be getting a better education at school if I did that?

 

Well for one thing, it's your life and you're a person and it's not his decision to make. The children's education, well... you have to accept that he's making a sacrifice there. You don't want to have that conversation but it's a HUGE conversation, a huge life decision that requires sacrifices, so if you aren't up for discussing those sacrifices, I can see how he wouldn't be up for discussing other sacrifices.

 

First and foremost, I think you both need to stop thinking of "earning" as his job and "homekeeping" as your job. Both of those are both of your jobs. Full stop. It is your job, in some ways, to provide economically for your family. And it is his job, in some ways, to keep up the house.

 

Let's focus solely on his worry, money. It is a valid worry. If you're my age, you're terrified of the next big downturn. :( And it is a legit fear. Like way more consequential than the house being dirty, to be honest, and if that fell on your shoulders during the last recession while you had kids you would know how alone it feels.

 

BUT! Just because you aren't earning cash right now does not mean you are not contributing. Child care is flipping expensive. As an example, I had a full scholarship to grad school and I worked to pay my rent and bills after my divorce. I graduated with $30k in debt. 100% of that was from child care while I was working and studying. $15k/year, that's $6.5k per kid per year, not much for Seattle.  And then of course much more eating out / eating convenience food which costs money!

 

So what I think you guys need to do, ideally if you have a financial planner or church financial counselor or something, is sit down and think through your long-term goals and what each of you is doing to make those goals happen.

 

Long term, you want kids in college, house paid off, low-risk of moving, etc. etc.

 

You also want an excellent education for your kids, you want a safe and cozy home, you want long-term health and the nutritional options that requires.

 

So, right now, you have small children. What makes sense while your children are in  preschool and elementary school?

 

Children that age are really expensive and labor intensive. But many of the expenses you can mitigate by doing the work yourself. So by staying at home and focusing on that, you are truly providing a lot more sanity for the home.

 

That said, there are a few things to consider:

  • As AMJ pointed out, how much you are saving right now? If you could not earn how much you are saving on daycare, forget it. There is a reason that mothers of small children drop out of the workforce when married. They are not all idiots. It's just not economically viable until the kids are in public school. I am a die-hard working woman, but I worked from home and consulted part time during those years. It doesn't make sense to put them in care unless you're a single parent and get help from the government or make over $200,000. Believe me I have done the math.
  • 24-hours is not a viable work shift. You are contributing at least $10k/year in education costs per child, and probably about $5k in after-care. So that's $60k during just a 9 hour shift. After that daycare / private school shift, then how do you split costs?

But they won't always be little.

  • As the children age, you will be able to outsource more things, particularly in upper-elementary. That's just five or six years away!
  • That might be a good time for you to start improving your qualifications going to school so that when you re-enter the workforce, it will be worth it. If your husband doesn't earn a lot, you can do this with Pell Grants because your family will definitely qualify with six people on one salary.
  • Or if you don't want to get more education, then consider starting a small business during that time to save for college.

Then when you have elementary-school kids and middle and high school kids, things could change. Kids might qualify for scholarships at private schools. You could move. Who knows?

  • You could make a commitment to earning and saving for a specific goal, for example, the emergency fund and then college. And he could commit to one dinner a week and every other Saturday, being the sole parent, so you have the mental space to achieve those goals.

For the whole period, you could commit to earning or saving an average of $50k. What % of the total budget would that be? Then he takes on that % of housework. It's going to be a lot of saving on childcare costs at first, because your kids are little. But if you make that commitment, you can slowly take on more of the childcare. I wouldn't advise totally counting pennies over this, however, just to help him see that you are helping and help him understand in his terms why he's expected to help, it could be useful to plan it out in bigger terms. Like say three-year blocks, with your main contributions and his main contributions.

 

You can gradually increase your financial independence, but right now the kids need you all the time.

 

(Oh, and one more thing... likely you wouldn't mind being totally financially independent either, right? You're doing the hard work because the kids need it and because you are fulfilling the your duty to the kids you made, to provide them with the best possible opportunities. That's not a vacation, it's a sacrifice for your family of your own independence.)


Edited by Tsuga, 13 January 2018 - 01:28 PM.

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#133693 KrissiK

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:21 PM

Regarding counseling, Bookmom, I’ve had counseling at various points in my life. What benefitted me most is when I went when I was single and I had counseling to deal with my own personal issues. And actually, the best experience I had with a lay counselor at the church I was going to. No psychological mumbo-jumbo.she just listened a lot and gave some sound, practical advice. I think I saw her 3-4 times.

I know I have mentioned, thOugh not in detail, that we have issues with oldest DS. We did try counseling with him once and that was a disaster. The guy thought I was the problem, called me OCD (which I am not, type A - yes, OCD- no) nothing was solved and I left the whole situation under an even heavier burden than before.

The other day I mentioned my uncle came by and grafted our fruIt trees. What I didn’t mention is that we had a talk. Actually, he talked. His son is an adult, and while his son’s situation isn’t even remotely close to ours, they dovetail in some key areas. Anyhow, I consider that talk divine intervention. Seriously. For the first time in my life with this child I have felt peace and relief. He gave me no advice, just shared his experience. And for first time after talking with someone about the situation I felt no recrimination, no “you need to do this” (because we have read all the books and nothing works with this child), no guilt, no frustrations, no hopelessness. We still don’t know what to do with him, and we still get frustrated, but things inside me are different for some reason.
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#133694 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:26 PM

Ed po warning....

 

So, I thought I had a plan for 14yo dd's history and english to finish out the year, but now I'm second guessing it.  <sigh>  I don't even know if I can explain all the options in my head in a sensible enough way for y'all to help me.  English is my bigger question mark.  She's interested in OYAN, which I was going to let be an elective, but could be part of her English credit depending on what else we do.  (I kind of hate for her to start on it mid year, on the other hand, she's interested in it, so that's a plus.)  Dh is interested in her doing test prep on Kahn, so if she did that for the English related sections, that could be part of her credit.  (She's not testing ANY time soon, so we could put that off til next year.)  I was going to use a resource to cover the Research Paper in 10 steps (taking 8-10 weeks), but I'm now super excited about it.  IF we used EIW next year I think it would cover the research paper, so why take the time to do it now.  She read plenty of literature in the fall, so we could either be done with literature, or do a little and either way, it would be fine.  I just finished reading the Reader's Odyssey and really liked it, so maybe we could start implementing it lightly this spring.  

 

:willy_nilly:  :willy_nilly:  :willy_nilly:

 

 

It all sounds good to me right now.  Everything is either independent study here or on hold until we get Dad moved, so anything you-all are doing sounds pretty good to me.


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#133695 Renai

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:32 PM

Ok, I'm ketchupped. I need to do five more slides, and I'm ready for tomorrow.

 

Right, and it turned out to be more than 5, the computer froze, I let it remain frozen for a half hour or so before restarting the computer, while praying that I didn't lose the whole last 1/3 of what I had done (a lot of animations  :svengo:).  Thankfully, it was all there! I went to bed around 3:30am.  :svengo:  :svengo:And was up for a 6:30 class. Then back to bed. Then had a great time with my first session of Beginning Spanish and Conversation 1a.  :hurray:  What a great group of kids! With ability levels all over the place.  :svengo:  :svengo:  :svengo:


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#133696 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:33 PM

Love the first one. The second is bullshit. "Opportunities to endure" are not opportunities. #icriticizetheancients #dealwithit

 

Indeed... I have two kids who I'd homeschool if it weren't for them.

 

 

Why do you all think I work a full-time job?

 

 

Well for one thing, it's your life and you're a person and it's not his decision to make. The children's education, well... you have to accept that he's making a sacrifice there. You don't want to have that conversation but it's a HUGE conversation, a huge life decision that requires sacrifices, so if you aren't up for discussing those sacrifices, I can see how he wouldn't be up for discussing other sacrifices.

 

First and foremost, I think you both need to stop thinking of "earning" as his job and "homekeeping" as your job. Both of those are both of your jobs. Full stop. It is your job, in some ways, to provide economically for your family. And it is his job, in some ways, to keep up the house.

 

Let's focus solely on his worry, money. It is a valid worry. If you're my age, you're terrified of the next big downturn. :( And it is a legit fear. Like way more consequential than the house being dirty, to be honest, and if that fell on your shoulders during the last recession while you had kids you would know how alone it feels.

 

BUT! Just because you aren't earning cash right now does not mean you are not contributing. Child care is flipping expensive. As an example, I had a full scholarship to grad school and I worked to pay my rent and bills after my divorce. I graduated with $30k in debt. 100% of that was from child care while I was working and studying. $15k/year, that's $6.5k per kid per year, not much for Seattle.  And then of course much more eating out / eating convenience food which costs money!

 

So what I think you guys need to do, ideally if you have a financial planner or church financial counselor or something, is sit down and think through your long-term goals and what each of you is doing to make those goals happen.

 

Long term, you want kids in college, house paid off, low-risk of moving, etc. etc.

 

You also want an excellent education for your kids, you want a safe and cozy home, you want long-term health and the nutritional options that requires.

 

So, right now, you have small children. What makes sense while your children are in  preschool and elementary school?

 

Children that age are really expensive and labor intensive. But many of the expenses you can mitigate by doing the work yourself. So by staying at home and focusing on that, you are truly providing a lot more sanity for the home.

 

That said, there are a few things to consider:

  • As AMJ pointed out, how much you are saving right now? If you could not earn how much you are saving on daycare, forget it. There is a reason that mothers of small children drop out of the workforce when married. They are not all idiots. It's just not economically viable until the kids are in public school. I am a die-hard working woman, but I worked from home and consulted part time during those years. It doesn't make sense to put them in care unless you're a single parent and get help from the government or make over $200,000. Believe me I have done the math.
  • 24-hours is not a viable work shift. You are contributing at least $10k/year in education costs per child, and probably about $5k in after-care. So that's $60k during just a 9 hour shift. After that daycare / private school shift, then how do you split costs?

But they won't always be little.

  • As the children age, you will be able to outsource more things, particularly in upper-elementary. That's just five or six years away!
  • That might be a good time for you to start improving your qualifications going to school so that when you re-enter the workforce, it will be worth it. If your husband doesn't earn a lot, you can do this with Pell Grants because your family will definitely qualify with six people on one salary.
  • Or if you don't want to get more education, then consider starting a small business during that time to save for college.

Then when you have elementary-school kids and middle and high school kids, things could change. Kids might qualify for scholarships at private schools. You could move. Who knows?

  • You could make a commitment to earning and saving for a specific goal, for example, the emergency fund and then college. And he could commit to one dinner a week and every other Saturday, being the sole parent, so you have the mental space to achieve those goals.

For the whole period, you could commit to earning or saving an average of $50k. What % of the total budget would that be? Then he takes on that % of housework. It's going to be a lot of saving on childcare costs at first, because your kids are little. But if you make that commitment, you can slowly take on more of the childcare. I wouldn't advise totally counting pennies over this, however, just to help him see that you are helping and help him understand in his terms why he's expected to help, it could be useful to plan it out in bigger terms. Like say three-year blocks, with your main contributions and his main contributions.

 

You can gradually increase your financial independence, but right now the kids need you all the time.

 

(Oh, and one more thing... likely you wouldn't mind being totally financially independent either, right? You're doing the hard work because the kids need it and because you are fulfilling the your duty to the kids you made, to provide them with the best possible opportunities. That's not a vacation, it's a sacrifice for your family of your own independence.)

 

 

Nicely stated, Tsuga.   :hurray:


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#133697 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:36 PM

The other day I mentioned my uncle came by and grafted our fruIt trees. What I didn’t mention is that we had a talk. Actually, he talked. 

 

 

Sometimes this is the best help and enlightenment, when someone simply shares their own experience.  I'm glad your uncle came over.


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#133698 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:39 PM

I just ate a Trader Joe's Bibimbap bowl for lunch.  I am such a spiciness wimp!  I put in only the barest amount of the sauce.  It was quite tasty, though!  I might have to find other sources or recipes for made-for-wimps bibimbap.



#133699 Paige

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:41 PM

Vopo.

 

Celery threw up, proceeded to eat a bunch of cheese and crackers, and now is lying in bed not quite asleep. And then I proceeded to read some ITT, and just finished 2666, the page about the flu. Great. 

 

I don't know if he's got the flu - I think not, because he isn't complaining about hurting or w/e. 

 

I hope Celery feels better soon. 


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#133700 AMJ

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:50 PM

I've done a load of dishes, too (in dishwasher).  After I finish my tea I'll put them away.