Jump to content

Menu

Toddler Leash/Harness: Pros and Cons?


mathmarm
 Share

Recommended Posts

I'm considering getting one, because Jr is a runner. He's too small and too independent to comfortably hold hands with long term. He loathes the stroller and likes to roam, and run, and climb and jump off of stuff, the more risky the surface the more attractive a destination it makes.

 

Have any recommendations about which ones to get or avoid?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought about getting one for ds because he runs around but I just remember what happened with my cousin. We were going to a nice museum and so my aunt had a harness with her that she wanted to try. As soon as she put it on him my cousin collapsed in a heap and refused to get up.  He just laid on the floor.  :lol:

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought about getting one for ds because he runs around but I just remember what happened with my cousin. We were going to a nice museum and so my aunt had a harness with her that she wanted to try. As soon as she put it on him my cousin collapsed in a heap and refused to get up.  He just laid on the floor.  :lol:

 

 

Is that a pro or a con?

 

:D

  • Like 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My BIL designed and made his own harness based on rock climbing harnesses. He had a runners and needed to navigate Disneyland safely. Worked for him great for the older two, third wasn't a runner and never used it. Fourth child he had is Downs, and he says you should have seen the looks he got with a Downs child in the harness. People really felt he was treating her poorly. However, she is a wanderer, not a runner, and when you have four children in a crowd you can't have one wandering off.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My nephew needed one.  I think his mom just got the one that he liked best.  It was some sort of bear backpack.  He sometimes tantrummed about not being able to run, but a tantrum was much easier to deal with than a child who insisted on darting in front of every car he saw, and running out of his parents sight every time he got the chance.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Both of my kids used such harnesses when necessary.  For both, they ended up loving the most a backpack harness and begging to wear it even when a harness was not specifically necessary.

 

I think it gave them more independence and ability to make their own path. They didn't have to hold their hand over their head to hold mine or be strapped into a cart all the time. But they had a limited amount of room they could dart before they were pulled up short. 

 

A child who flopped on the ground in a harness? Would have ended up in a stroller or cart and I'd have been happy with that as well. But neither of my kids tolerated staying in the stroller or cart well after they could stay on their own two feet. The harness gave them an alternative.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had one that just fastened on DS's wrist. He called it his "string" and thought he had us under control. If that hadn't worked, I would have considered a harness. He was a bolter and, at the time, we lived in a big city. He was a very fast bolter! It was either get a leash on him or he would end up squished.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm considering getting one, because Jr is a runner. He's too small and too independent to comfortably hold hands with long term. He loathes the stroller and likes to roam, and run, and climb and jump off of stuff, the more risky the surface the more attractive a destination it makes.

 

Have any recommendations about which ones to get or avoid?

 

I guess it would be useful in keeping him safe, while you continue to teach him to hold your hand, stay in the stroller (don't take the stroller at all if you aren't going to require him to stay in it), and so on. I think it's important for us to teach our children that they must stay within the reach of their parents or other care-takers, not to run and jump on everything just because they can, things like that. It is normal for children to loath being restricted, but part of their training needs to be that they cannot always do what feels good, KWIM?

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, my perspectives in them changed drastically when I actually had a child, and I visited other countries like the UK where they are used more frequently.

 

Walking down the High Street where FIL lives (a medium sized market town) in the UK was an eye-opener. For the itty-bitty walkers gaining independence it is almost standard. The streets are more crowded because people actually walk there, and the need to keep the kids safe in situations like crowded train platforms, road crossings, etc., make harnesses very practical. What I observed is that the kids become almost 'leashed trained' and do not seem to yank and pull and throw fits on them. They are used to them, and it doesn't seem as though the older kids (young preschool age) even need them as they have learned to stay safely by the side of their parents from a young age.

 

So when I had Alex we never used a stroller as she rode in my lap in the wheelchair. But she very quickly wanted independence and was indeed a runner. This was terrifying for me as I physically *could not* move quickly enough to rescue her when she did this. We are very anti-spanking in our house, but I can tell you we were extremely tempted to spank in those situations in sheer desperation of keeping her safe-honestly, if I believed it would have worked for her we probably would have done it:(

So we went with a harness. She hated it at first, but we presented it as 'walk with a harness or ride in mom's lap.' Her independence won out every time. It sounds truly awful, but I think they have to be trained with a harness just as an animal does with a leash, albeit maybe different means:)

And it won't take long! Not to mention, the harness is very short-term! They soon learn the safety radius and gain a bit more control over their impulses:)

 

If a physical harness bothers you, we also used a radio version that simply emits a beep when the child gets out of a 3, 4, or 5 foot range. My sister used this with one of her kids (but at a bit older age) more warn herself as he is special needs and she has several other kiddos underfoot as well...

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

As long as you're not dragging him off his feet, go for it. One of mine loved the animal backpack style. Another sobbed and laid down, so we didn't use it. Third alternates between trying to ninja out of it and loving it. Fourth is too young. It's a $10 gamble if you buy new.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haven't ever needed one, and I have had some runners. We do have an Ergo that has gotten extensive use with toddlers, though, and now, of course, I have big kid helpers. DS4 likes to run, but given the choice between holding someone's hand or being plunked back into the cart, he will generally opt to hold a hand.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We bought one for DD and highly recommend one, if/when you are taking a toddler into a place where they might run off and get lost.  I remember a number of times when we were in the superstore and they were announcing on the P.A. system that someone's child was lost.  At first, we got some strange looks, but I believe, with time many people realized that it was for the safety of our DD and was an excellent thing to do. In Colombia, at that time, this was not common. 

 

I don't remember which model we had or where we bought it. Possibly from BabyCenter.com

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We used one when my DD was 3 and we went to DisneyLand for the first time.  We had a stroller as well, but knew she would get bored sitting in it the whole day.  She wasn't a runner, but she was a wanderer and was going through a phase where she refused to hold a hand.  She was a big, grown up 3-year-old :lol:  I wasn't about to risk losing her in that place.

 

It worked really well for that use.  But, like somebody said, do prepare for snide comments.  I got quite a few that day from all ages.  They didn't say it directly to me, but said it to their family/friends loud enough to be heard.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used one for ds when I was pregnant with dd and for a little while after dd was born.  Ds had (still does to some extent) very poor impulse control and could not be trusted in a crowd, near a street, anyplace where he could find danger quickly.  We still worked on teaching him to be careful but in the meantime, it was a literal life-saver.

 

We did have a double stroller as well - a sit-and-stand so he could sit down if he wanted without being overly confined, but I really preferred that he get the exercise from walking so that maybe it would wear him out a little bit.  This kid needed less sleep than any baby/toddler/child I've ever known.  Pediatrician just told us since he was happy, healthy and growing well, he was just on the low end of the statistical curve for sleep needs.  :glare:

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, two things. It should be noted that I have absolutely nothing against child harnesses. Better safe than sorry!

 

But, that being said, they didn't work for us. First, teach Jr. to hold your hand. It is an invaluble skill that will be needed far longer than a harness will. No, he will not like it. But at least teach him that he needs to do it when you say so.

 

Next, I tried to harness two of mine when they were toddlers. All they did was constantly dart in front of innocent bystanders and trip them. I got so fed up with the harness that I just chucked it. Now they hold my hands, lol. No sense in keeping them 'safe' if they're knocking everyone around us to the ground.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Until #5 (The Destructor) became mobile, I would never have considered one. Even with Havoc, who was into/on top of/climbing everything but was still fine either in a stroller or holding a hand when needed. With #5 I'm definitely considering one. For normal outings he's fine walking through parking lots holding hands, I've always just said "littles in the middle" and the kids will form up holding hands around the youngest ones. When we go on hikes, though, I want him to be able to wander around with more freedom and I'm thinking a backpack with a harness would be a good option.

 

So pre-kids/fewer kids me said "no way!". Current me is eating those words, they're delicious with jam.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pros: they're awesome, your kid is safe but can still explore, and you don't have to worry quite as much about them diving in front of a bumper and making thumping noises.

 

Cons: snobby teenagers and childless adults will speak overly loudly within ear range about how they'll never do *that* to their kids, and about what an awful and tacky parent you are.

 

So really, no cons worth noting.

 

Yeah, I was never going to be one of *those* parents...

 

My kids have both ended up needing them. We got the Goldbug animal ones. Both loved their "backpacks."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pros: they're awesome, your kid is safe but can still explore, and you don't have to worry quite as much about them diving in front of a bumper and making thumping noises.

 

Cons: snobby teenagers and childless adults will speak overly loudly within ear range about how they'll never do *that* to their kids, and about what an awful and tacky parent you are.

 

So really, no cons worth noting.

My dh was told off by an older lady at the shops, when he used one with our youngest.

 

It was a cute monkey backpac that the child wore, and the tail was held by the adult.

 

Some people! !!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am convinced that a harness has saved the life of Sweet Child countless times.

 

we first bought one for Diamond- our sweet, colpliant child...  really, just because I was an anxious mom.

 

SweetChild...  OH MY! No stroller could contain her. The child was like a tiny Houdini! And she was an inquisitive little explorer, and MUCH fater than any of us. I was expecting BabyBaby when Sweet Child was a toddler, so I was not moving so quickly myself- plus Diamond was in K, so no stroller for her...

 

When peopel would see me waddling around with this crazy bouncing child at the end of a harness/leash they would make stupid comments. I always invited them to try to keep her under control without it for me, and they'd take one look, realize they were freaking idiots, and scurry away mumbling what I assume was an apology. :glare:

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was invaluable for my second.

 

I felt the risk of shoulder dislocation, should I have to pull them away from traffic or a huge gaping hole in the earth, was reduced significantly.

 

They liked it because it gave them a greater range.

 

As for hand-holding and consequences... Sigh.

 

So yeah, at two, I was loving the leash.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We used the type that has a bracelet for the parent and one for the child with a 'telephone cord' style of cord between them.  The child's bracelet was designed so they couldn't just take it off.

 

I do like the looks of the animal backpacks with the tail being the leash....

 

I hate the looks of the one that is a leather harness on the child and what looks like a dog-leash attached - they just look so much like... well, you know.

 

 

That said - If I'm willing to use a 'leash' to let a dog have some freedom while keeping them safe - well I love my kids even more - and I liked them to have some freedom and to be kept safe too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't know if mine would have survived without it. (Didn't need it with #1.) As you can probably see, I had mine rather close together. Dd20b was a climber/runner. I needed the harness well before she could walk. I used it to tie her into the stroller and high chair. Without it, I literally could not turn my back on her for two seconds from the time she was about 4 or 5 mths old. Sometimes, I had to look away. Because of it, I could take 4 littles to the zoo and have a pleasant outing. I think they are marvelous things.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

DS loved his.

 

Pros:

  • It was cute--he picked it out himself. (I carried a backpack as the diaper/potty bag, so now he had one too, plus his had a puppy!)
  • It was inexpensive (maybe $10?).
  • He didn't have to keep his arm up to hold hands for extended times. This was a real issue when he was one.
  • He had both hands free to gently touch flowers, animals, museum exhibits, hold a handrail, etc.
  • I never had to raise my voice, because he was not in danger of stepping into the street/going the wrong way in the airport/getting lost in the festival crowd/getting too close to the lake/etc.
  • He got used to walking long distances.
  • It works over rough terrain that a stroller can't handle.
  • It had a pocket big enough for a snack.

Cons:

  • You can't rely on it forever; at a certain point (maybe age 4) you need other strategies. (Magnet on the side of the car to touch while I unlocked the doors; if we aren't holding hands, keep looking to make sure you're not too far from me and stop before crossing streets, etc.)
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well my cousin had one for her kids...when their double stroller broke when they were in Paris they put it on their second youngest. He went down on all four and barked. My cousin claims she has never been more mortified. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

:D  This was my niece.  My sister wanted the earth to open up and swallow her and the child.  Niece was a runner and a hider, though - the harness was definitely helpful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never needed one with my kids but my sister definitely did.  Her oldest was a very curious, impulsive kid and liked to dart the soonest she could break free.  My sister was pregnant and dealing with pre-term labor, so a harness was a lifesaver for both.  Her second child had even less impulse control than the first.  I swear those kids used the divide and conquer approach.  I was in a mall with her and I was assigned to one kid and she had the other.  Both decided to dart away and were 20 feet away from us in no time ... in opposite directions.  That was the last time she forgot the harness.  She only needed them for about two years - about 18 months for each child.  That time when their impulse control had not caught up with their ability to run. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It meant I didn't lose our little runner, but I got dragged around because she was that much of a runner. It's not like it kept her with me, it kept me with her. So it helped in terms of safety but not in terms of having a good experience.

 

It didn't actually happen but I could almost see myself being dragged on the floor behind her. She's 12 and I still feel that way about her.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never needed one with my kids but my sister definitely did.  Her oldest was a very curious, impulsive kid and liked to dart the soonest she could break free.  My sister was pregnant and dealing with pre-term labor, so a harness was a lifesaver for both.  Her second child had even less impulse control than the first.  I swear those kids used the divide and conquer approach.  I was in a mall with her and I was assigned to one kid and she had the other.  Both decided to dart away and were 20 feet away from us in no time ... in opposite directions.  That was the last time she forgot the harness.  She only needed them for about two years - about 18 months for each child.  That time when their impulse control had not caught up with their ability to run. 

 

One of mine was like that. Intensely curious and FAST. You couldn't anticipate when he'd run. After awhile it was more of a reminder of boundaries than a tool to keep him close. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We tried this one.  Unfortunately, apparently my kid gets even wilder when on the harness because he would run until he reached the end of the line and then run in circles until he wrapped the harness around me or something else in the vicinity.  We worked on holding hands and I just made a policy of letting him run out part of his energizer bunny battery some place safe (like the backyard or a park) immediately before we went anywhere he'd need to be expected to not run for any point in time.  He loves the backpack, though, and we still use it regularly - just not with the harness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My older two never really needed one, however, my third was a bit of a runner.  He loved his animal "backpack".  He had a puppy one and a monkey one and loved to wear them.  I hated taking strollers and preferred the kids walk most of the time, so it was a good solution for me.  I got it right before taking all three children to Disneyland and knew I would be on my own most of the time with three little kids while DH was working.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember seeing one about 35 years ago and being horrified.  Then I had my first child. :)  We had a little monkey backpack where the "tail" was the leash.  Bought it at Target.  Used it for four kids in airports.  It was wonderful. :)

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best. Purchase. Ever.

 

Ds had no impulse control from about 18months on.  If there was a place to run he did.  If there was a tiny spot to hide, he was there.  We practiced him holding on to my pockets because holding hands was too much for his sensory issues, but had little success.  The harness worked when other things did not. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Only my oldest was a runner- the day he darted into a 4 lane busy road to pick up a shiny rock and I had to dart after him 9 months pregnant was the day I bought our first harness. We tried the arm bracelet- it drove him crazy- itched and rubbed and annoyed him- not to mention he could slip it off. We switched to a simple harness (light and thin) without a backpack. It doesn't have to be super sturdy. It's not like you are controlling them or yanking them like people do to a naughty dog on a leash- you are just keeping up with them and they can keep up with you too.

 

We didn't need it for more than 4-6 months- then cognitive abilities caught up with his ability to run.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pros:

-Keeps kid safe

-Great when they're wanting to walk independently and learning their limits; you gradually hold the leash slack more and more, reining them in only as necessary, until you reach the point where you can loop the leash up on the backpack and just use the threat of holding the leash if they don't behave.

-Your reflexes get to the point where you can catch a tripping kid before they hit the ground by jerking the leash straight up.

 

Cons:

The comments and looks.

 

 

I used to think they were awful, right up until I had to sprint after dd1 at 8 months pregnant for about the five hundredth time. They're a life saver.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some friends of mine's eldest child has always been VERY independent, and hated having to hold hands when walking, or being put in a stroller when she could be walking.  They converted rather quickly from hating the idea of leashing a child like a dog to using 2 leashes at a time.  By using 2 leashes with a harness (child walking between and a little in front of both parents) they were able to let her roam while preventing the otherwise inevitable leg entanglements and very sudden changes of direction.  Their DD happened to like the leashes, too, since she could walk "all by herse'f" without being chased down and confined all of the time.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It meant I didn't lose our little runner, but I got dragged around because she was that much of a runner. It's not like it kept her with me, it kept me with her. So it helped in terms of safety but not in terms of having a good experience.

 

It didn't actually happen but I could almost see myself being dragged on the floor behind her. She's 12 and I still feel that way about her.

 

The sheer imagery of this puts me in mind of Snoopy dragging Linus by his blanket.  It seems someone ought to come up with a child leash that looks like that -- perhaps a Snoopy "pack" with Linus's blanket in his mouth, with the "blanket" actually being the leash....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought about getting one for ds because he runs around but I just remember what happened with my cousin. We were going to a nice museum and so my aunt had a harness with her that she wanted to try. As soon as she put it on him my cousin collapsed in a heap and refused to get up.  He just laid on the floor.  :lol:

 

Lol, all I could think of when I read that was that it was exactly what my cat does when you try to put a harness on her!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have the monkey as well. And we hardly ever used it, but my son loved it. I am all for hand holding and actually make my kids who are mobile learn to walk with us and hold hands - strollers are really only for very long treks and th hold the non walking infants when I have to have the older kid in the wrap. But even all that said, we have had a child who liked to dart and needed the backpack, and I am SO glad we had it. We use hand holding and systems for traveling safely now, but that doesn't mean monkey might not get broken out of storage on occasion ;)

 

Oh, my. This reminded me of when I was pregnant with my youngest. Honestly my sincere prayer during that pregnancy was that I would have a child who would hold my hand and walk with me, since the older ones, especially the next one up, would always take off for adventures on their own and I just couldn't handle another one like that. And guess what? She was a hand-holder! I don't remember her ever running off, losing her, or racing out into a parking lot or the street. It was such a relief after what I had gone through and the life-style changes I was forced to make with the busier ones.

 

My third ran away in Kmart at two, after giving me a sassy look that meant try to catch me, and I had to scream at the workers for a lock down. Everyone in the store went looking for her and one guy finally said, "I saw a little girl running that way, laughing." And so we followed the trail and found her hiding in the photo studio which had been closed down for years. She was crouching down behind equipment with a big smile on her face. I didn't take her out on my own for years after that. And I don't think the safety thing on the front door know came off until she was seven or so.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to admit, a big part of me is just embarrassed to be judged an incompetent mom that can't control her toddler ya'know? But Jr. is so darn quick and I'm a worrier, but even if I weren't, I'd worry that he's going to get away and find danger or trouble before I could get him back.

 

Plus, he has been known to bark at people...

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

Ă—
Ă—
  • Create New...