Practical ways to be free range parents

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm curious about this.  In my head, I am a free range parent lol.  In reality, I'm not sure what free range parenting would look like in a situation like ours - like, it's easy for me to say 'free range' if someone talks about walking to school, etc - but for people like us who homeschool in a rural town, what does free range parenting look like?

 

When DH was a kid he and his brothers literally rode their bikes all over town.  Now, however, he doesn't recommend it because of how distracted drivers are.  Whether this is true or not, I can definitely see what he is saying, and I'm not necessarily in disagreement with him.  

 

I'm also curious... is it 'easier' to be free range living in town or in the country?   What differences are there?  I guess the obvious would be that in town maybe there are more obvious opportunities for kids to be free ranging - when in the country, there are no parks to walk to, nowhere to ride the bike to, etc, which there would be in town.  In the country I would *guess* free ranging is more 'out in nature' or 'on the land' type stuff.  

Both of which I think are valuable.  And I guess that's why I can never decide whether I'd rather live in the country or in town :lol: ...

 

So anyway, I'm just curious.  Trying to get some ideas on giving my kids more freedom in areas that I can, and find opportunities for them to stretch their individuality more, especially as they are getting older and into pre teen years.

[Laura Corin]

What it looks like here (small village with quiet roads; close to small town with busier roads):

 

Hobbes has been roaming the public-access woodland that adjoins the village since he was nine or ten.  He can walk on the village roads - they are narrow and the cars really can't pick up speed.  He wasn't good with more major traffic until the last two years or so, so he wasn't allowed to wander in town before then.  From about age 13, he could take the public bus into town, meet friends, go to the shops or library, then take the bus back.

 

He also takes long hikes on his own.  He is doing sections of a long hiking trail - I drop him at the beginning of a section and pick him up at the end.  If there's an issue with the stretch (tidal zones, for example) I make sure that he has checked the tide times.  Otherwise, he plans and packs for the walk and I just provide transport.

 

When Calvin was looking at universities, he travelled by train to an open day with friends when he was fifteen and one of his friends was sixteen.  They stayed overnight then came home by train.  I booked their train journey and hotel.  When he was sixteen, he was travelling all over the UK by train on his own, including staying overnight in B&Bs as necessary.  He went to university at 17.

[Daria]

We're pretty free range in a more urban area.  I think that for older kids, urban is definitely easier.  By the age of your oldest, my son could take the subway or the bus by himself.  Now, at 15, he can, and does, go everywhere in the city on his own.  

 

To me, though, free ranging is a mindset about letting kids make their own mistakes.  When DS turned 12 I took him and his best friend to Florida for a birthday vacation.  I gave DS a budget and let him make his choices.  He chose the hotel, and which theme parks we visited when, and made the dinner reservations.  Some of the choices he made were not choices I would have made, and some were rather brilliant, but he learned from his mistakes, and I learned from him, and it was all good.  Similarly, by 12, I'd challenge him to make a meal plan for the next few days and go to the grocery store to get what he thought we needed.  Again, we ate some interesting things, but it was an opportunity for him to learn from his mistakes. Because of where we live, I could send him off with a shopping cart, but you could easily do the same thing while reading a book in the parked car.  

[Garga]

We're pretty free range in a more urban area. I think that for older kids, urban is definitely easier. By the age of your oldest, my son could take the subway or the bus by himself. Now, at 15, he can, and does, go everywhere in the city on his own.

 

To me, though, free ranging is a mindset about letting kids make their own mistakes. When DS turned 12 I took him and his best friend to Florida for a birthday vacation. I gave DS a budget and let him make his choices. He chose the hotel, and which theme parks we visited when, and made the dinner reservations. Some of the choices he made were not choices I would have made, and some were rather brilliant, but he learned from his mistakes, and I learned from him, and it was all good. Similarly, by 12, I'd challenge him to make a meal plan for the next few days and go to the grocery store to get what he thought we needed. Again, we ate some interesting things, but it was an opportunity for him to learn from his mistakes. Because of where we live, I could send him off with a shopping cart, but you could easily do the same thing while reading a book in the parked car.

Hmmmm. My ds is very picky and I would never let him decide what the rest of us eat. He only eats about 3 different meals. I've wanted to do what you've done for so long, but it would be miserable for the rest of us, but DUH--I just realized I can have him plan his own meals and keep track of supplies for his own meals and purchase his own meals!

 

See, he is forced to eat what we eat about 4 nights a week, but the other 3 he eats his meals. And he also makes himself pancakes in the morning and eats ramen noodles (I know, I know) for lunch. Just because I don't want him doing that for the rest of us, why not just for himself?? Thanks for the inspiration!

[Ravin]

In your shoes I'd define boundaries in which your kids can ride around or simply walk. Make sure they have down safety rules. My DD has specific places she can go, by bike or on public transit. I'll often go with her to practice a new route/destination, then when she's confident of finding her way she'll go it alone.

 

Learning to deal with drivers who don't pay attention is part of the safety rules.

[Miss Tick]

I feel like when we lived rural my dc's "range" would have been a lot larger. Now that we live "in town" the range is physically smaller. Does that make sense? Even so, my olders are looking forward to solo trips to the new grocery that opened a half-mile away.

 

Soccer practice, one library, and a few parks seem within a reasonable radius - but not this summer, so I'm probably not as free-range add I might like to think. (blush)

[elegantlion]

My ds is a homebody, he seriously doesn't like to roam. I would be more free range, but I'd have to throw him out the door. In our house, free range turned into more freedom online at a younger age. We established boundaries, he kept them and we moved the boundary out a little further. I know it's not going out of the house, but it is wandering into a world in which you need some street smarts and discipline to operate properly. 

[Ausmumof3]

I'm not really a free range parent but... We are rural and at this point my eight year old has the run of the ten acres... Provided he tells me he's going. The 5yo and 3yo don't due to farm dams and inadequate swimming skills. If we were in the city there wouldn't be much free range going on at those ages. I think as a kid we did groups to the park over the road, but beyond that nothing.

 

By 15 however, I was catching a bus into the city for college and work and was pretty free, I expect my kids will be the same.

[Truscifi]

We live in a very small town/village. Brotherman can walk to the little grocery, art gallery, library, or produce stand that are all within a half mile. He can roam on our property or in the woods across the street. He can stay home by himself while I run errands.

 

I also send him in to get items at the grocery or pay for gas occasionally if he is out running errands with me and have him help with chores and projects. Overall he is becoming very capable and confident.

[Starr]

Mine were never really free range. Around 12 they walked/road bikes to town but not often. By 17 they went to Europe alone. 

[elfgivas]

we are free range on our land (20 acres).  

 

however, thou shalt have a buddy or a dog with thee at all times.  

and thou shalt announce thy intentions prior to departing the home.  

 

in town, they may go shopping etc as long as they have a buddy.  (we have teenage girls).  

 

we are much more relaxed in canada, europe, australia and new zealand than we are in the usa.  

 

fwiw,

ann

[Χά�ων]

What it looks like here (small village with quiet roads; close to small town with busier roads):

 

Hobbes has been roaming the public-access woodland that adjoins the village since he was nine or ten.  He can walk on the village roads - they are narrow and the cars really can't pick up speed.  He wasn't good with more major traffic until the last two years or so, so he wasn't allowed to wander in town before then.  From about age 13, he could take the public bus into town, meet friends, go to the shops or library, then take the bus back.

 

He also takes long hikes on his own.  He is doing sections of a long hiking trail - I drop him at the beginning of a section and pick him up at the end.  If there's an issue with the stretch (tidal zones, for example) I make sure that he has checked the tide times.  Otherwise, he plans and packs for the walk and I just provide transport.

 

When Calvin was looking at universities, he travelled by train to an open day with friends when he was fifteen and one of his friends was sixteen.  They stayed overnight then came home by train.  I booked their train journey and hotel.  When he was sixteen, he was travelling all over the UK by train on his own, including staying overnight in B&Bs as necessary.  He went to university at 17.

I find the bold interesting. I know here I had trouble renting a hotel at 18 with my own debit card. The hotel policy would not allow anyone under the age of 21. 

[katilac]

I find the bold interesting. I know here I had trouble renting a hotel at 18 with my own debit card. The hotel policy would not allow anyone under the age of 21. 

 

This is exactly what I was going to ask about! Even if the cardholder is over 21, I can't imagine any American hotel letting a 16-yr-old check in on their own. 

 

Disgusting motels of dubious safety, yes. Standard hotels and decent motels, no. 

 

Anyone in the states have luck doing this? 

[ebrindam]

This is exactly what I was going to ask about! Even if the cardholder is over 21, I can't imagine any American hotel letting a 16-yr-old check in on their own. 

 

Disgusting motels of dubious safety, yes. Standard hotels and decent motels, no. 

 

Anyone in the states have luck doing this? 

 

 

A friend and I traveled from NH to Washington DC and stayed in a hotel when we were 16 to attend a women's conference. We paid cash and had no issues.  That was 20 years ago though!

[SKL]

Well, for starters, kids who know how to cross the street & recite their address & phone number should be allowed to walk or bike as far as they can and still get home in time for dinner.  :)  That's what the rule was when we lived in a small town, and also when we lived in a residential neighborhood in a big city.

 

Developmentally, that's what I believe is appropriate.

 

But nowadays, we need to first make sure that will fly with the neighbors and cops in our locality.

[Carol in Cal.]

I proactively took DD to places where she could range freely, and taught her how to be responsible there, and let her go.

Unfortunately we don't live in a neighborhood where kids her age roam around, so that wasn't like 'Sure, go ahead' or she would been a target.  But I did explicitly tell her, repeatedly, 'It's because I can trust you that you can do these things.'

[Momling]

We live in a smallish town, neither rural nor urban. The most practical free range thing I've done is step back from transporting kids places. You want to go to the cinema? Great idea, but I'm busy. Find out when and where and how to get there. You want a ride to ballet or tennis? Sorry I'm busy. Take the bus or bike or call your grandma and see if she can give you a lift. You're upset we're out of your favorite cereal? Here's 5$, go to the shop and get some.

 

We only have one bus and one bus route, but the kids know how to ride it. We're within 10 min of the downtown area. My younger daughter prefers to ride her bike and my older grudgingly walks.

[Laura Corin]

I find the bold interesting. I know here I had trouble renting a hotel at 18 with my own debit card. The hotel policy would not allow anyone under the age of 21. 

 

The US seems to use 21 as an adulthood age more than does the UK: our drinking age is 18, for example.  And in the Scottish referendum, the voting age was dropped to 16.

 

Most private B&Bs required everyone to be 16 and some wanted at least one person to be 18 - I had to do some phoning around to find places to take him.  There was one chain hotel, however, that was happy with one 16yo and two 15yos.  He had his own debit card, but I actually booked using my credit card on the phone in advance.

 

ETA: the accommodating chain was Premier Inn.  From their website:

 

At Premier Inn guests aged 16 years and above are classed as adults.

[Lolly]

This is exactly what I was going to ask about! Even if the cardholder is over 21, I can't imagine any American hotel letting a 16-yr-old check in on their own. 

 

Disgusting motels of dubious safety, yes. Standard hotels and decent motels, no. 

 

Anyone in the states have luck doing this? 

 

It is very difficult. I was able to get one hotel to allow my 18 yos to check in when they were traveling alone visiting colleges. It made us narrow our college search to places closer to home because the thought of being on the road home or to school and not being allowed to stop at a hotel if necessary was horrifying. All of the hotels I could find have a no one under 21 policy for check in.

 

A friend's child decided to attend a university 13 hours from home. Plane tickets for return are cost prohibitive. They were able to find ONE hotel that would allow her to stay overnight on her way home. I am from the general area she would have been staying; it is not in an area I would want my dc to stop. She continued driving when she saw the hotel. Next year, she is transfering to a school closer to home. No, hotels in the US are not friendly to under 21 yos.

 

(Kind of funny, but the manager of the hotel who bent the rules and allowed my dc to check in only allowed it because he made reservations and took his wife and dc to FL one time. They arrived only to be denied check in because he and his dw were only 20 yo at the time.)

[Tenaj]

It is very difficult. I was able to get one hotel to allow my 18 yos to check in when they were traveling alone visiting colleges. It made us narrow our college search to places closer to home because the thought of being on the road home or to school and not being allowed to stop at a hotel if necessary was horrifying. All of the hotels I could find have a no one under 21 policy for check in.

 

A friend's child decided to attend a university 13 hours from home. Plane tickets for return are cost prohibitive. They were able to find ONE hotel that would allow her to stay overnight on her way home. I am from the general area she would have been staying; it is not in an area I would want my dc to stop. She continued driving when she saw the hotel. Next year, she is transfering to a school closer to home. No, hotels in the US are not friendly to under 21 yos.

 

(Kind of funny, but the manager of the hotel who bent the rules and allowed my dc to check in only allowed it because he made reservations and took his wife and dc to FL one time. They arrived only to be denied check in because he and his dw were only 20 yo at the time.)

 

We've had no issue on several occassions with our older kids traveling by themselves.  In fact, just this past week, my 20 yodd, 18yods, 13yods and 11yods made a trip to FL and stopped overnight in a hotel.   I made the reservations for them online before they set out, they checked in using the same credit card I used (my dd has a card in her name on my account).  That was at LaQuinta.  The last time they travelled together was a few years ago when my oldest ds was only 19 and my three oldest did the same thing.  Checked into a hotel where I had made the reservation online prior to the trip.

 

Maybe it's because I made the reservation?  I'm trying to remember but when I make reservations online, I don't remember anyone asking for i.d. when I check in, just the credit card.  

 

Back to the subject of the thread, many of our friends were horrified that we allowed our group of kids to take this trip to visit relatives in FL.  Many mentioned that they wouldn't even consider it.  I was amazed that they reacted so strongly.  My dd is almost 21 . . she's an adult in our eyes and has been for several years and we treat her as such.  My 18yods is very responsible and actually got his driver's license the day before they left so he could help drive.  He has had his permit for several years and had just been waiting on his 18th birthday to take the test.  He's a great driver and has a had a lot of experience on the interstate so we had no qualms about the arrangement.  The younger two respect their older siblings and have, in general, not had issues when they were under their care so we were able to trust them in that regard.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

Hmmmm. My ds is very picky and I would never let him decide what the rest of us eat. He only eats about 3 different meals. I've wanted to do what you've done for so long, but it would be miserable for the rest of us, but DUH--I just realized I can have him plan his own meals and keep track of supplies for his own meals and purchase his own meals!

 

 

 

Same here. And the few things he does love and make regularly I don't like (meatloaf and white rice..ick).  He makes most of his own food.

[MEmama]

My DS has a lot more freedom than he takes advantage of. Like a PP, he's a homebody and isn't terribly interested in doing things on his own or leaving the house unless he needs to. He's been staying home alone for a time since he was 7.

 

We live in a small town. It's very pedestrian friendly and lots of kids are out on their own so it isn't unusual to see kids walking and biking around. He can walk to the grocery, to the library, to downtown...but he won't. He does walk or bike to XC and track practice and I think this year he wants to bike to swimming practice on his own.

 

He's very confident and has terrific navigational skills. He recently took a plane by himself and wasn't in the slightest bit apprehensive; if anything he was annoyed by how little freedom he had as result of airline rules. DH and I joked (sort of) that we'd send him on a 2 week tour of Europe on his own without hesitation. The kid navigated us around NYC as a 4 year old.

 

I think much of free range parenting is really knowing what your kid is ready for and allowing access to that. It's not about just opening the front door and letting them barge out, and it's not about pushing them into situations they aren't ready for or don't want. It is about watching their wings unfold and respecting the process as they learn to take flight. To me, that's one of the coolest parts of parenting. :)

[Joyofsixreboot]

Edge of a rural town here. My kids ride bikes all over town and country roads, 7 yo is allowed to walk into town to the library or park and they roam the woods. I did all those things and I really don't think things have changed. I do think you build to this. Mine were raised from the start as wanderers. A sudden change for a kid with no skills might be very bad.

[Spring Flower]

 

But nowadays, we need to first make sure that will fly with the neighbors and cops in our locality.

 

This is the problem in our area. I let my two older kids ride their bikes up and down our small street unsupervised (I can see them out our front window) and the neighbors are concerned for their safety. "Free range" just doesn't fly around here. Not even close. Such a shame.

[Lolly]

 

 

Maybe it's because I made the reservation?  I'm trying to remember but when I make reservations online, I don't remember anyone asking for i.d. when I check in, just the credit card.  

 

 

 

I was making the reservations also, also on my card. Online, there is usually a line of fine print somewhere (I have noticed it before) that says that the person checking in must be over 21. When I check in, the desk always wants to see a picture id. (I stay in hotels a fair amount.) I have not stayed in a La Quinta before. It may be that they have a different policy. It would not have been a hotel I would have called for my girls as the two that I know of in the city they were staying are not in locations they needed to be in. (One in an undesirable area, the other on the opposite side of town.)

[Rachel]

My oldest recently turned 7. We live in a neighborhood on the edge of a small town but we aren't really rural. There isn't really any place he can go yet. As of right now my son can ride his bike in the neighborhood, I would be comfortable with him walking or riding his bike to the school playground which is a mile away but he hasn't shown interest yet. When he is comfortable, I would be fine with him riding his bike to the library. A small thing I do is allow him to do is use the bathroom in stores or go look at the toy section without me taking him there (in the city nearby). I know that isn't a big deal for most free range parents, but most people around here don't seem to allow that until their children are older.

 

He will likely spend some time at his grandparents farm this summer. He will have a lot more freedom there because it is rural. They have about 40 acres and his great grandma has another 20ish next door. There is just more for a young boy to do there. He's planning to fish and build a tree house this summer.

[fairfarmhand]

We're rural.

 

Kids can go anywhere on our 43 acres. Be home in time for dinner. Don't be stupid. My kids don't have a track record for doing idiotic stuff though. They know to stay off the machinery and not play with dangerous stuff like axes.

 

They don't walk on the road because there's nowhere to go and people drive like fools on our windy curvy road.

 

For us free-range means that they get a learner's permit at 15 and drive as soon as they are ready at 16. After that point, my daughter was (somewhat )responsible for her own schedule. She knows when she needs to work, when she needs to be at an activity, and if there;s something she wants to do, she asks permission, but getting the details down is up to her. Its funny that other parents frequently call me to make plans and I go  "Ummm...I am not sure what she's doing that day. I'll have to ask her

 

I think that free range looks different for whatever situation that you are in.

[Laura Corin]

 

I think that free range looks different for whatever situation that you are in.

 

Yes - here you can't learn to drive until you are 17, and petrol prices are much higher (and public transport - in many places - more available) so driving is not the marker for free range.

 

Calvin has not yet learned to drive - I suspect that he will one summer before he leaves university.

[SKL]

Regarding age to stay in a hotel.  Do they ask your age when you check in?  What if I took out a joint credit card with my kids, and booked the room online?  Couldn't they just show that credit card upon arriving and proceed to their room?  I mean, assuming they don't look 12yo....

[SKL]

I do try to give my kids experience in doing things for themselves.  I am not sure I call that "free range," since I have to practically force one or the other to do certain things on their own.  :P

[katilac]

 

Back to the subject of the thread, many of our friends were horrified that we allowed our group of kids to take this trip to visit relatives in FL.   

 

Really? I wouldn't think twice about that scenario! 

 

 

Regarding age to stay in a hotel.  Do they ask your age when you check in?  What if I took out a joint credit card with my kids, and booked the room online?  Couldn't they just show that credit card upon arriving and proceed to their room?  I mean, assuming they don't look 12yo....

 

It's definitely less of a problem if you look older, but many 16-yr-olds do indeed look 16 or younger. My 16-yr-old is 4'9," lol, I definitely would not have her try it. At a full 5', I'm waaaay taller  :laugh: but had my ID checked for pretty much everything for many years after coming of age. Not in the 'hot young thing' way, more in the 'what is that kid doing here' way. 

[fairfarmhand]

Also, if you are rural, you can do things like allow your kids to shop for groceries or gather various items from the other side of the store for you to make the shopping trip go more quickly. Allowing the kids to pay for and pump gas with the credit card at the gas station. Having preteens and teens run into the post office to buy stamps while you sit in the car. Letting kids look at their calendar and plan sleepovers, driving arrangements, after you've talked with them about what you are willing and able to do. Letting kids take over their own laundry chores when they are about 10 or so. (no more arguments about "is my soccer uniform clean? I told you that I needed it today!") Letting kids talk to teachers and coaches about problems instead of handling it myself (I teach a drama class for 6th grade and up. Some of the kids handle stuff like "We have a schedule conflict so I will be late. Is that a problem?" while others expect their moms to do it for them)

 

Those are just a few things I've fcome up with. Since we are rural, my kids can't really walk to friends' homes or to the store, but I do push them to be independent as possible in our situation.

[SunnyDays]

We're in a city setting, but our area is not walkable.  Yes, we have sidewalks and such, and he could walk to another home, but there isn't a grocery store or anything like that where he could walk to.  So loosening the reins here, so to speak, includes the following (some are things that others have mentioned:) 

 

Control over time at home within limits (e.g. x,y, and z all must be done before leaving at 10:00, manage accordingly)

Progressively less supervision online (although we still check in plenty!)

Going to another section of the store to pick up something I missed

Encouragement to make his own arrangements socially (with permission)

 

[SKL]

So now I'm wondering, what happens if I send my kids on a plane at age 17 and book a room for them, on a joint credit card, at some hotel across the country.  Do they have to sleep in the street because they aren't 21?  The police station?  The airport, waiting for a return flight?

 

What if we're all traveling from different destinations and my plane ends up delayed until the next morning?  Kids have to sleep on the airport floor because they aren't 21?

[Ottakee]

We struggle with the free range stuff.  First, our 3 kids all have special needs (mental impairments) and then our 11 year old is a foster child which brings on a whole nuther set of rules..............

 

Anyway, we do try to give them as much freedom as possible.  Because we are rural yet live on a busy paved road they really can't walk/bike places on their own.  I do let them take the "back way" to the local school and then they can cross the road there to the park or they can walk the ditch to get their.

 

In stores they are free to wander (in our town) and I just call/text when I am done and we meet in the front.

 

When my brother was 12 he was driving tractors down the road hauling 2 hay wagons at a time, or the manure spreader, etc.  He was helping out the neighbor away he would go.

 

By 16 when I got my own car I was pretty much on my own.  I told my mom when/where I was going but I didn't have a lot of limits or even a curfew but I wasn't stupid either.

[Lolly]

Regarding age to stay in a hotel.  Do they ask your age when you check in?  What if I took out a joint credit card with my kids, and booked the room online?  Couldn't they just show that credit card upon arriving and proceed to their room?  I mean, assuming they don't look 12yo....

they check your id. it is possible that they may not notice the age, but they are supposed to check (especially if the person looks young).

 

So now I'm wondering, what happens if I send my kids on a plane at age 17 and book a room for them, on a joint credit card, at some hotel across the country.  Do they have to sleep in the street because they aren't 21?  The police station?  The airport, waiting for a return flight?

 

What if we're all traveling from different destinations and my plane ends up delayed until the next morning?  Kids have to sleep on the airport floor because they aren't 21?

 

And, there is the problem.

[Tenaj]

So now I'm wondering, what happens if I send my kids on a plane at age 17 and book a room for them, on a joint credit card, at some hotel across the country.  Do they have to sleep in the street because they aren't 21?  The police station?  The airport, waiting for a return flight?

 

What if we're all traveling from different destinations and my plane ends up delayed until the next morning?  Kids have to sleep on the airport floor because they aren't 21?

 

 

they check your id. it is possible that they may not notice the age, but they are supposed to check (especially if the person looks young).

 

 

And, there is the problem.

 

 

I've been looking into this issue a bit today because I'm amazed that we've done this three or four times with our kids with no problems.  One time they stayed at a Red Roof Inn and the other times it's been LaQuinta.  On LaQuinta's website there is no mention of age.  The only mention of age I saw was that you can join their rewards program if you are over 18.  So that must be a chain that will work with the under 21 crowd.

 

I *think* the time they stayed at Red Roof, I called and made the reservations myself and asked if it would be a problem that the person checking in was 18 and they responded that it wasn't an issue.  

 

I'm wondering if a phone call directly to the manager of the hotel in question from the parent/adult would solve the problem.  

 

Now I'm worried about my kids return trip . . I guess I'll send them back to the same LaQuinta.  I don't want them stuck on the road for 16 hours straight.

 

Now that I've been thinking about the issue I'm remembering a funny story about friends of ours who got married when the guy was 19 and the girl was 17.  The hotel where they were holding their wedding reception wouldn't let them reserve the honeymoon suite so the guy's parents had to pretend the reservation was for them in order to reserve the room.  Ridiculous!

[Lolly]

 

I *think* the time they stayed at Red Roof, I called and made the reservations myself and asked if it would be a problem that the person checking in was 18 and they responded that it wasn't an issue.  

 

I'm wondering if a phone call directly to the manager of the hotel in question from the parent/adult would solve the problem.  

 

 

A direct talk with the manager is how I got the one hotel to allow my girls to stay. Every other manager I spoke with would not bend the rule. I do wonder about La Quinta. Their policy may be different. I called their reservation line and asked out of curiosity. She said it depends on the city and state ordinances. I checked for one area, and the age there was 18.

 

SKL, I missed on answering one of your questions/what would they do if not allowed to check in--I was told they would be allowed to hang out in the hotel lobby if there were some emergency (like weather) that was keeping them from traveling on. Unless, of course, they were being disruptive in any way. So, I guess that means they could take a little nap there.

[Stellalarella]

For the past couple of years I've sent my 16yo downtown on the city bus and then he would use his bike to go over the river.

 

I let the younger kids (8 and up) walk to the grocery store in pairs, which is about .7 of a mile away.  There is a sidewalk 95% of the way.  

 

I put the then 9yo and 10yo on bikes to go take care of their grandparents at a nearby apartment.  They did not have to cross any large streets to do so.  

 

I let the kids go to our neighborhood park which is about 4 blocks away. 

 

I try to send them without cell phones so they will learn to use their brains to make decisions instead of calling me every 7 minutes.  

 

Sometimes they've done a great job at maintaining the guidelines...and totally failed on a couple of occasions.

 

I live in metro area of about 200,000.  

 

[Runningmom80]

 

 

But nowadays, we need to first make sure that will fly with the neighbors and cops in our locality.

 

yep. http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/decision-in-free-range-case-does-not-end-debate-about-parenting-and-safety/2015/03/02/5a919454-c04d-11e4-ad5c-3b8ce89f1b89_story.html?tid=sm_fb

[Ravin]

Unsubstantiated means they are off the hook unless further reports or evidence of harm come to the agency's attention. It means that without more, just letting the kids walk home isn't neglect. It means also that they are on notice that they could be in the same boat again if more nosy Parkers sick it in when they see the kids walking somewhere without an adult. It means that if something actually happens to those kids while they are free ranging, the parents are more likely to be held accountable.

 

It doesn't mean I, a parent in a different state, should change my decisions because of this news story or others like it.

[Pam in CT]

On young adults and hotels:

 

My now-20 year old attends university in the UK, lived in Ireland when she was 17-18 on gap year, and has traveled extensively on her own in both Europe and the US, and has never mentioned a problem, here or in Europe, checking into a hotel.  Sometimes I reserve for her, sometimes she does it on her own.  

 

 

Renting a car is difficult here if you're less than 21, and most rental places seem to put a surcharge up to age 25.

 

On free range:

I have six nephews/nieces who live in New York City, and they have all maneuvered themselves around to afterschool activities, sports commitments, social engagements, part time jobs etc starting within a 10-15 block range around age 10-12 and moving to the full city/outer boroughs by age 14 or so.  My kids need to be driven EVERYWHERE so they have much less range.  It seems to me to be a real advantage of urban living, both in terms of the kids' autonomy and the juggling logistics of the chauffeur.  

[Runningmom80]

Unsubstantiated means they are off the hook unless further reports or evidence of harm come to the agency's attention. It means that without more, just letting the kids walk home isn't neglect. It means also that they are on notice that they could be in the same boat again if more nosy Parkers sick it in when they see the kids walking somewhere without an adult. It means that if something actually happens to those kids while they are free ranging, the parents are more likely to be held accountable.

 

It doesn't mean I, a parent in a different state, should change my decisions because of this news story or others like it.

Ok, but I don't think its a bad idea for parents to look up laws on their state.

[Ravin]

Ok, but I don't think its a bad idea for parents to look up laws on their state.

Oh, absolutely. Here, a child cannot supervise a sibling until they are at least 12. However, there is no minimum age to leave a child home alone as long as they can remain safe (reach help in an emergency, not set house on fire or wander off and get lost) and meet basic needs (get food, toilet independently). Children can ride public transit unsupervised as young as 8. Ditto go to the public pool as long as they can swim at a basic level. Walking to school age is 3rd grade, maybe younger if there's a sibling to escort them.

 

In short, the bar is low and parental discretion has wide latitude. I've yet to hear a case in Arizona of parents being investigated, let alone dependency or criminal charges filed against them, for no more than letting a kid go somewhere while not in the company of an adult.

[Nan in Mass]

We aren,t really either rural or in town. I watched mine closely when we were in stores or the city or places with lots of other people til they were much much older, but when there were fewer people or in our own town, they were pretty free. They could play in the yard alone at 3. At 4 or 5 they could run around the neighborhood. They could go as far as they could get on foot after 7 or 8. Bikes were ok but not on the main road, which isn't,t safe, so that didn,t extend their range that much. Later, they figured out hoe to take a bike down the pipeline and could get themselves to friends,s houses but that didn,t happen under 10. They could take a boat as soon as they could manage paddle. That was 5 for a kayak, so at 5, they were paddling across the lake and walking half a mile down a dirt road to visit their cousins. My sister would help them cross the busy street to get to her house when they arrived. The police were not amused when we let oldest paddle over to the middle school dance by himself. He arrived ok but they wouldn't let him return home. They were even less amused when my husband showed up in the canoe to escort him home and they had to carry his kayak back down to the beach from the edge of the road where they had him waiting. Kids could row around a harbour when they were 7 or 8 (oars are heavier than paddles) but they couldn't,t land until they were old enough to be able to drag the heavy dinghy up and down the beach so it would be safe from the tide. When they could do that (took two kids, oldest about 10) they had no end of adventures exploring islands or getting ice cream cones or milk. They could camp on their own with no fire when they were 7 provided there were 2 of them (oldest had to be 7, youngest had to be over 4). After 10 or so they could have a fire, if there was someplace that was safe to camp with one other than our yard. They took backpacking trips on their own after about 13. They went peace walking at 11 or 13, which included flying alone. They were at least 16 before they took the train into Boston alone, oddly.

 

Nan

[Stellalarella]

Does anybody know if some states have an age at which a kid can stay home alone overnight?  

[Barb_]

Oh, absolutely. Here, a child cannot supervise a sibling until they are at least 12. However, there is no minimum age to leave a child home alone as long as they can remain safe (reach help in an emergency, not set house on fire or wander off and get lost) and meet basic needs (get food, toilet independently). Children can ride public transit unsupervised as young as 8. Ditto go to the public pool as long as they can swim at a basic level. Walking to school age is 3rd grade, maybe younger if there's a sibling to escort them.

 

In short, the bar is low and parental discretion has wide latitude. I've yet to hear a case in Arizona of parents being investigated, let alone dependency or criminal charges filed against them, for no more than letting a kid go somewhere while not in the company of an adult.

A few years ago I left my kids in a bookstore here in AZ to spend their allowance money while I went next door to buy diapers and sandals for the toddler. The older one was 11 and the younger three months shy of 9. I had been gone about thirty minutes when the older one called to tell me the police were there and wanted to talk me. Long story short, the cop who showed up was upset that I'd done something so dangerous and told me (in front of my kids) that if they'd been a couple of years younger he would have put me in handcuffs and hauled me off to jail. Direct quote.

 

I also had the cops called on me for letting 4 of my kids play in the courtyard of our building in IL last year. The daughter in charge was 14 and I could see them from the second floor window. I suspect certain tenants just didn't like to have to hear jump rope games from their open windows.

 

A friend of mine has had cps called on her three times in the last month by a crazy neighbor who became offended when she told this woman's child to stop hurling rocks at the other kids and go home. CPS has become a tool to punish parents you don't like or whose parenting style you don't agree with.

 

Some people are just nuts, and I've gotten a little paranoid over the years if you want to know the truth.

 

ETA: Also, do you have a source link for the 12yo age restriction for siblings? I've never heard of it and can't find a citation anywhere. I've broken it multiple times over the past 9 years if that's the case. I'd like to know if my neighbor and I have been unwittingly breaking state law

[fairfarmhand]

I don't allow my kids to stay at home alone overnight, even though I have a 17 year old.

 

The reason for this is that I don't consider my 17 yo reliable for this in our house.
She can be rather unpredictable and unkind with her siblings, and I won't do that to them. Also, she would probably spend the entire time staring at the computer (has no self-moderation)

 

In the future, it might be likely that my other kids could stay alone at 17 with siblings, but just not this one.

 

 

[Ravin]

A few years ago I left my kids in a bookstore here in AZ to spend their allowance money while I went next door to buy diapers and sandals for the toddler. The older one was 11 and the younger three months shy of 9. I had been gone about thirty minutes when the older one called to tell me the police were there and wanted to talk me. Long story short, the cop who showed up was upset that I'd done something so dangerous and told me (in front of my kids) that if they'd been a couple of years younger he would have put me in handcuffs and hauled me off to jail. Direct quote.

 

I also had the cops called on me for letting 4 of my kids play in the courtyard of our building in IL last year. The daughter in charge was 14 and I could see them from the second floor window. I suspect certain tenants just didn't like to have to hear jump rope games from their open windows.

 

A friend of mine has had cps called on her three times in the last month by a crazy neighbor who became offended when she told this woman's child to stop hurling rocks at the other kids and go home. CPS has become a tool to punish parents you don't like or whose parenting style you don't agree with.

 

Some people are just nuts, and I've gotten a little paranoid over the years if you want to know the truth.

 

ETA: Also, do you have a source link for the 12yo age restriction for siblings? I've never heard of it and can't find a citation anywhere. I've broken it multiple times over the past 9 years if that's the case. I'd like to know if my neighbor and I have been unwittingly breaking state law

The cop obviously vented his personal opinion at you. He had nothing to actually charge you on and didn't report to CPS. I'd have complained loudly and vehemently through multiple channels about that store calling the cops on customers who were minding their own business. I'd have complained about the officer, too.

 

For the life of me, I cannot remember or find where I got that number. So whatever.

[Barb_]

The cop obviously vented his personal opinion at you. He had nothing to actually charge you on and didn't report to CPS. I'd have complained loudly and vehemently through multiple channels about that store calling the cops on customers who were minding their own business. I'd have complained about the officer, too.

 

For the life of me, I cannot remember or find where I got that number. So whatever.

I totally missed the opportunity, but I think I was in shock.