No School in Two Years

[Chelli]

What would you say to someone who told you that they hadn't really done any type of homeschooling in two years? Would you say anything? The are not unschooling.

 

They have curriculum, but haven't cracked a book or done anything schoolish except a day here or there for two years. This really bothers me especially since the mom says she's concerned, but still doesn't do anything. She seems to feel that as long as they aren't in public school that it will all work out. It has made it very difficult for me when I see her and interact with her to not feel anger towards her for her choices.

 

Is this a huge case of MYOB or do I need to give her some tough love?

 

Her oldest is 10 and her youngest is 2.

[Ellie]

What would you say to someone who told you that they hadn't really done any type of homeschooling in two years? Would you say anything? The are not unschooling.

 

They have curriculum, but haven't cracked a book or done anything schoolish except a day here or there for two years. This really bothers me especially since the mom says she's concerned, but still doesn't do anything. She seems to feel that as long as they aren't in public school that it will all work out. It has made it very difficult for me when I see her and interact with her to not feel anger towards her for her choices.

 

Is this a huge case of MYOB or do I need to give her some tough love?

 

Her oldest is 10 and her youngest is 2.

 

Yes, it is a huge case of MYOB, unless she actually asks you what you think, and then you can tell her, but that's it.

 

As you say, it is her choice. Why would you be "angry"? Frankly, I feel "angry" when I see homeschoolers who have all their children doing ABeka Academy from first grade on, bless their hearts, their faces stuck in their computer monitors all day long, every day, just like school...but their parents get to make that choice, and so I MYOB.

[Incognito]

 I think it depends on how close you are.  Why is she telling you this?  What do you say to her when she says it?

 

I know someone who has said stuff like that around me, but it is very clear they are not looking for advice.  It bothers me a lot too, but from what I understand (where I live) the person who is doing this is within their rights as a parent to do things the way they do them.

 

ETA:  So while I agree with your feelings, I think it probably is a case of MYOB (or perhaps SYMNT - speak your mind next time - and then you will have it off your conscience and you probably won't have to see this person again - they will avoid you because they will have taken offence).

[Reefgazer]

Mostly I think it's a case of MYOB, but my interpretation of MYOB is loose, and means offer some suggestions if you think they would be welcome (and advice/assistance if you are so inclined) and then back off.  Has the mom said why they haven't gotten anything done?  When she told you this, was she asking for assistance/advice in any way?

[Okra]

I would not see this as a case of myob.  This stuff bothers me so much!  

[maize]

I do not understand why you feel anger towards her? Concern I can understand.

[Arcadia]

So she hasn't done any schooling since her younger child was born. Maybe she is having trouble coping with the toddler and have no energy left for the older which is why she is concern but not doing anything.

[hjffkj]

I would be very frank with her and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable listening to her tell you that (assuming she mentions it again) and unless you can have an open and honest discussion about your concerns you do not want to hear about it again. After that the ball is in her court and she can either decide she wants to make it your business or she can respect your wishes not to discuss the issue.

[milovany]

Agree with Ellie 100%.  MYOB.

[oneddmanybooks]

I would probably have looked shocked and asked what was wrong.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

If she brought it up, did she say why?  As in why she brought it up?  And  why they haven't done school?  The answers to those questions would have a huge input in what I said or didn't say.  

 

If she brought it up because she wanted my input, I would give my input.  If she brought it up because she's struggling with the situation then I would ask her if she was venting or if she wanted advice and would respond accordingly.

 

If she has a specific reason why they haven't done it then my response (depending on whether she wanted my input to begin with) would address those reasons before I even attempted to address the schooling itself.  

[reign]

How is this getting brought up? If I heard it through the grapevine or as an off handed comment I'd MMOB. It could be gossip or just someone venting. If you're having open conversations about it with her then a dialog about it would not be inappropriate.

[hornblower]

I guess it would depend how they spend their days. They could be de facto unschooling, even if she doesn't want to embrace that label.

Are the children engaged in anything at all? Do they go to parks, etc? 

When she says she's concerned, I think I'd ask what she means by that. Concerned about what specifically? Is the oldest reading?

[Anne in CA]

I am really bothered by this sort of thing, and I would be too angry to be around her too. You are already ahead of me, because I probably would have said something when she told me in the first place. To not crack a book and not send them to school is so unjust toward them that it is not even discussable IMV.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

What would you say to someone who told you that they hadn't really done any type of homeschooling in two years? Would you say anything? The are not unschooling.

 

They have curriculum, but haven't cracked a book or done anything schoolish except a day here or there for two years. This really bothers me especially since the mom says she's concerned, but still doesn't do anything. She seems to feel that as long as they aren't in public school that it will all work out. It has made it very difficult for me when I see her and interact with her to not feel anger towards her for her choices.

 

Is this a huge case of MYOB or do I need to give her some tough love?

 

Her oldest is 10 and her youngest is 2.

 

This is not a MYOB because she made it your business when she told you that

 

A. according to her own standards, she hasn't been educating her dc for two years, and

B. she's concerned about it.

 

If you saw no books and the kids told you they had no school, but the family seems healthy and Mom said not a word, THAT is a MYOB. But she's got a time limit for her problem, a concern about it, and she's coming to a friend with the issue. Why?

 

I agree with Jean -- ask her if she'd like to talk about it, find out if you can help her in any way, try to sum up whether she is otherwise struggling and needs a friend (PPD or marital problems or something?)....I mean, have the conversation.

 

Nobody says, "I am worried that I haven't been teaching my kids for two years," to a friend unless she is looking for some feedback or support! I'm not saying she needs a kick when she's down, or CPS intervention, or a bunch of meddling, but I'm pretty sure nobody would say something like this if they were only looking for a smile and nod.

 

It doesn't have to be bad. Maybe she is an unschooler and doesn't know it. I've met people like that. They think they are totally neglecting their kids because they never get to their purchased curriculum, but then you come to find out that their 8th grader's hobby is algebra, they all read a lot, including the toddler...they've been so engaged and busy with their kids that nobody's "behind" at all. Sometimes we give people permission to be OK with what they're doing when it's working -- that might be the conversation she needs. Who knows.

 

But she's looking for something by telling you that. Some sort of response, maybe hoping for approval, maybe wishing somebody cared...something.

 

Because who the heck smiles and nods upon being told that children haven't been in school for two years? Only homeschoolers.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am really bothered by this sort of thing, and I would be too angry to be around her too. You are already ahead of me, because I probably would have said something when she told me in the first place. To not crack a book and not send them to school is so unjust toward them that it is not even discussable IMV.

Not cracking open textbooks does not mean not cracking any books.  We don't really know what the OP's friend has done or not done with the children.  

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I guess it would depend how they spend their days. They could be de facto unschooling, even if she doesn't want to embrace that label.

 

Are the children engaged in anything at all? Do they go to parks, etc? 

 

When she says she's concerned, I think I'd ask what she means by that. Concerned about what specifically? Is the oldest reading?

 

Now how did you say the exact same thing that I said, in the exact same time, with so many fewer words??

 

[Chelli]

 I think it depends on how close you are.  Why is she telling you this?  What do you say to her when she says it?

 

I know someone who has said stuff like that around me, but it is very clear they are not looking for advice.  It bothers me a lot too, but from what I understand (where I live) the person who is doing this is within their rights as a parent to do things the way they do them.

 

ETA:  So while I agree with your feelings, I think it probably is a case of MYOB (or perhaps SYMNT - speak your mind next time - and then you will have it off your conscience and you probably won't have to see this person again - they will avoid you because they will have taken offence).

 

I'm not 100% sure why she's telling me. I think the bulk of it is because she wants me to reassure her that it will all be okay in the end. She first mentioned this problem about two years ago (so it's been a struggle for her for longer than two years) that she had not consistently been schooling her kids. She even said that she'd thought about enrolling them in the local district because she was having difficulties being consistent with their education. Like she might school them 4 days out of a month and do nothing schoolish the rest of the time. I saw her earlier this month for the first time since our last discussion about her homeschool and this time she told me they hadn't done any school for the past two years. The conversation we had two years ago I tried to encourage her and give her some ideas to maybe help with the flow of her day, streamlining curriculum, etc. After seeing her earlier this month I'm assuming that my suggestions either didn't help or she wasn't interested.

 

I do not understand why you feel anger towards her? Concern I can understand.

 

Anger is probably not the correct word choice. A mixture of frustration and concern would be more accurate.

 

If she brought it up, did she say why?  As in why she brought it up?  And  why they haven't done school?  The answers to those questions would have a huge input in what I said or didn't say.  

 

If she brought it up because she wanted my input, I would give my input.  If she brought it up because she's struggling with the situation then I would ask her if she was venting or if she wanted advice and would respond accordingly.

 

If she has a specific reason why they haven't done it then my response (depending on whether she wanted my input to begin with) would address those reasons before I even attempted to address the schooling itself.  

 

I think she brings it up because she wants me to tell her that it will all work out. I do not tell her that, but honestly I don't know what to say. After our first conversation about it two years ago, it is hard for me to continue to give helpful suggestions when I feel that the root of the problem is that she just flat out isn't doing it. At some point suggestions don't help, you just have to pull yourself out of bed everyday and say that you're doing some kind of school that day even if it's just a math worksheet and reading a book. This time she mentioned having me come up to help organize her homeschool and I would gladly do that, but I have a feeling that in a couple more years we'd be having the same conversation. She is just that personality type; wonderful with ideas and excitement, but not so great at implementation. 

 

I guess, ultimately, I'm trying to think of a way to show my concern for what's happening without losing a friend. That is the source of my frustration/anger is fear of the fallout if I'm completely honest with her when she tells me these things.

[Chelli]

How is this getting brought up? If I heard it through the grapevine or as an off handed comment I'd MMOB. It could be gossip or just someone venting. If you're having open conversations about it with her then a dialog about it would not be inappropriate.

 

She approaches me to talk about it. Definitely from the horse's mouth.

[Chelli]

I guess it would depend how they spend their days. They could be de facto unschooling, even if she doesn't want to embrace that label.

 

Are the children engaged in anything at all? Do they go to parks, etc? 

 

When she says she's concerned, I think I'd ask what she means by that. Concerned about what specifically? Is the oldest reading?

 

They do leave the house, play outside, go to parks. I don't know about screen time, etc.

 

They are active in their church since her husband is a minister.

 

I think your question about what is she specifically concerned about is a good one. I will ask her that.

 

I don't know much if anything about the academic levels of the kids. The only thing she mentioned is that the oldest child's Bible class teacher gets frustrated with him because when they have to write a sentence or two as an answer he won't/can't (I don't remember exactly which word she used) do it. She told me that he still reverses quite a few numbers and letters and that she "doesn't make him write anything at home (direct quote)" so he's not comfortable writing a sentence. I don't know how that falls on the range of normal for a 10 year old boy since I have an 11 year old girl who will write multiple page stories on her own so I'm not a good judge of that.

[redsquirrel]

I would not validate what she says.  So, if she says "I haven't done school with my kid for 2 years..." I would prob reply with "I am sorry to hear that"  and if she was looking for confirmation that things would be magically ok in the end I would not agree with her.

 

I would not give explicit approval with positive words, nor would I give implicit approval with silence or changing the subject. If someone says something like that to me I may not confront them, but I am not going to collude with their neglect.

[momacacia]

If the kids are old enough, maybe you could encourage her to enroll them in GED prep class so they will at least have that when they are out of high school age.

 

Is it really the end of the world for them to go to ps?

[bettyandbob]

I don't think MYOB applies.

 

The OP didn't overhear or get this information third hand. She was told directly. 

 

This is just the kind of situation that stirs up stereotypes in the media, because eventually one or all the kids get enrolled in school and the public school teachers have fresh examples of what former homeschoolers look like in their classrooms. Or maybe no one will enter ps and at 18 the oldest will find he is unprepared for anything and lead a public campaign for oversight (like what happened with one family in VA) because he wants to help his siblings. 

 

Since the OP was told directly, if the subject is brought up again she might ask why she's being told this. Use that as an opening to find out if the mother is depressed or needs some help. She could also find out details of what nothing really means. Perhaps, they aren't using textbooks, but really a lot of the activity the family pursues is naturally educational with lots of reading, nature walks or whatever. There aren't of enough details to to know if it's a problem. But the OP has basically been invited to ask about the situation. By telling the OP her family hasn't done and school for 2 years the woman may be asking for help indirectly. 

 

It is true that the woman may only be bringing it up to get reassurance it's OK. If the OP chooses to ask and give her opinion, she needs to be prepared for the woman to not like the OPs opinion. 

[Tsuga]

My thought is, here is when I don't want her complaining about public programs:

 

--That the GED class tells her kids to go to general ed classes at the CC because they aren't literate enough;

--That the GED class tells her kids to go to the basic ed math classes at CC because they aren't numerate enough for CC classes (they have to test in by the way);

--That her kids aren't getting the help they need to fill out job application forms.

 

If the end up testing severely mentally delayed, as people have, on the CC entry test, don't blame us for a bad test. Just--don't even.

 

If she said a single word about remedial services, which are EXTREMELY expensive to taxpayers because it is way harder to teach an adult to read than a kid in most cases, not meeting her standards, I'd flip the hell out.

 

If she seems confident that the kids are getting the skills they need to get a family-wage job in the job market, fine with me. If, on the other hand, she is concerned that they are falling behind and perhaps are so far behind that at 20, they would not be able to take college level classes at CC after two years of remediation, then public school, home school, or private school, as a parent you need to do something about it. My advice is the same for public school parents by the way.

[Tanaqui]

I think the bulk of it is because she wants me to reassure her that it will all be okay in the end.

 

That's not your job, though, especially if you don't think it's true.

 

Since she more or less asked you for help, it's correct to tell her what you really think. I mean, nicely - you don't have to be all "argh, you're a sucky mom and a failure as an educator", because that never helps, but you can say "Listen, I know it's been hard...." and then give whatever advice you feel is best.

[plansrme]

I firmly believe that not saying anything looks like tacit approval.  You have to say something, and firmly.  If she gets angry and doesn't want to be your friend any more, well so be it.  It sounds like you're not really such great friends anyway.   

 

Is she just lazy?  What's the deal?  Why is she not doing any school?  In other words, what does she do all day?  Does her husband know she's not actually educating their kids?  There has to be someone close to her who can light a fire under her to do something--get help for herself, enroll the kids in school, something.

[Tsuga]

 

 

 The only thing she mentioned is that the oldest child's Bible class teacher gets frustrated with him because when they have to write a sentence or two as an answer he won't/can't (I don't remember exactly which word she used) do it. She told me that he still reverses quite a few numbers and letters and that she "doesn't make him write anything at home (direct quote)" so he's not comfortable writing a sentence. I don't know how that falls on the range of normal for a 10 year old boy

 

Assuming this is an academic and not discipline issue, regardless of the cause (i.e. learning disability, truancy, etc.) that would be below average for a first grader at the end of the year here, but if seen in a young first grader, considered within the range of normal and not a cause for alarm. By third grade (9 at the absolute oldest) the child would be receiving intensive remediation in our school district. I mean the child would receive in-depth, one-on-one assistance from a teacher's aid, paid for out of the pockets of parents funding the PTSA, as well as through an IEP funded by the school district and the federal government. If the child is 10 and qualifies for 5th grade, so a relatively young fifth grader, he would probably be in extensive pull-outs to get him reading and writing and doing basic math.

 

By fifth grade, at that level, he would probably be on the same track as someone with a severe learning disability or a learning disability with no intervention, or for example someone with Down Syndrome (people with Down syndrome can learn to read as others or may be 2-4 years behind or more, depending on the specific issues they face).

 

I have no desire to label this child. I believe all children, regardless of disability or lack of opportunity in early life, deserve a chance at a meaningful, productive future in life and I think they all have potential. What I am trying to communicate is that this child is now as disadvantaged as people who we would consider severely disadvantaged and who are eligible for special services. While that is a challenge, it is something many families overcome. If that was preventable merely by admitting that homeschooling is hard and not for all and sending the kids to public school, it is a crying shame.

 

Incidentally, in some states failing to homeschool is considered as truancy. I don't mean homeschooling poorly, or unschooling with an educational theory guiding day-to-day decisions, but failure to provide any educational scaffolding at all. For example, how does a child get to 10 if he's being read to daily, from the bible, from NAS or NIV, and memorizing bible verses once per week by copying, stay illiterate? There must be some issue there if there is even nominal religious education going on but I fear that if it's the Bible teacher mentioning it, then mom is actually not doing it. Just as comparison the Christians we know have their kids copy verses. Even without public school or any formal academics they'd be able to copy.

 

If this were a PS family failing to send kids to school AT ALL and the school not doing anything about it, what would you say? What would you do? I think the same applies here.

 

 

[Ohdanigirl]

I don't think this is an MYOB situation, because the mother has told you about it. Therefore, she has made it your business. At worst, it is a form of neglect on her part, and she maybe reaching out for help or reassurance that it is Ok. Obviously, you do not believ it is ok. So maybe a small nudge is in order.

 

When I was pregnant with my now four year old, I was put on complete bed test. at times, i was able to set a table up bext the the bed and do WWE and Story of the World with my dc. Some times they did SM !ath, which orivided me with things to grade, and we did flash cards and chess. It sounds like much more than what actually got done. I eventually had a c-section and had to rest mych more than I did with my previous children. Starting back up happened very slowly. I began having the kds work an SOTW three days a week and Math daily. After these things were getting done consitantly for a few weeks, we added another subject, and continued in the same way.

 

Maybe, the next time she brings it up, you could suggest she start up one subject with her dc. (Reading aloud 15 minutes is an easy thing to begin with.) ;) of course, she cannot start where they left off, that would surely set them up to fail. She would need to back track a bit. With your coxing, maybe she can get back at it, and her children can begin receiving the education they are entitled to.

 

Just a thought.

 

Danielle

[shinyhappypeople]

Not MYOB, she made it your business.  She sounds depressed and stuck so deeply in a rut that she's not sure how to climb out.  I wonder if she has post-partum depression. 

 

 If I were in OP's shoes, I'd encourage her that getting the momentum of *something* intentional happening with schoolwork (even if it's mostly or completely hands-off for her) may be what she needs to get moving.  Can she afford Time 4 Learning or Teaching Textbooks or other independent curricula?   It would only require her to get the  kid(s) on the computer once a day to work on Time 4 Learning for an hour, or do a TT lesson.  It may not seem like much, but it's SOMETHING.  And that something can snowball into something amazing.  

 

What a sad situation :(  

[scoutingmom]

I don't know.... if he has dyslexia then it wouldn't be way out there. My 11yo dyslexic son can do copywork, but still can not write an original sentence. I've been working on improving his reading abilities for now. Some dyslexics will need to use Text-to-Speech and Speech-to-Text even once an adult.

 

That said, I do think she sounds overwhelmed or something. As she has talked to you, she may want advice.

[scoutingmom]

How many kids does she have??

[Rosie_0801]

I would have said "Then it's time to pull your finger out! What's going on?" If she fluffed around, I'd tell her that I don't like being put in a position where I have to hear that she's breaking the law so we'd better make a plan quick smart. (Because that would be breaking the law here.)

[IsabelC]

If it were somebody you'd randomly heard about in the neighborhood or at church, I'd say MYOB. But since the mother has told you herself that she is concerned about her children not learning, she has kind of made it your business.

I think as a first step you should be talking further with her about it, find out what she wants to do and what needs or particular issues they have. Then offer whatever form of help you feel you can reasonably give, whether that's helping and advising her yourself or directing her to a professional or organization in the case of any more serious problems. Hopefully by this point she will have a workable plan to proceed with - whether that is school, home-school or unschooling based - with appropriate supports in place.

But if the situation does not change, then it will be time for you to consult your own judgment and conscience as to whether it merits reporting to somebody in authority. We have discussed this ad infinitum in previous threads, but it all comes down to the responsibility we all have to do something if we have good grounds to consider that a child is being seriously neglected (or abused).

 

ETA: It goes without saying that you need to get a fuller picture first. You might find that "doing nothing for two years" really just meant that they didn't get around to using one particular curriculum resource that they had been thinking of using, but the kids have learned a ton of other stuff. Or maybe they are doing some stuff but she has unrealistic expectations about what they should be doing. Or something. So definitely clarify exactly what her concerns are.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

 

I don't know much if anything about the academic levels of the kids. The only thing she mentioned is that the oldest child's Bible class teacher gets frustrated with him because when they have to write a sentence or two as an answer he won't/can't (I don't remember exactly which word she used) do it. She told me that he still reverses quite a few numbers and letters and that she "doesn't make him write anything at home (direct quote)" so he's not comfortable writing a sentence. I don't know how that falls on the range of normal for a 10 year old boy since I have an 11 year old girl who will write multiple page stories on her own so I'm not a good judge of that.

My autistic, ADHD, working very below his age can write a sentence in book club. The librarian walks him through it, but he'll do it.

 

At home my son primarily does copywork, but is beginning to be able to write independently (meaning a sentence or two).

 

Is she depressed? House fairly picked up? Kids fed and bathed reasonably?

[AHASRADA]

I agree with all the PPs that she is telling you for a reason. It is absolutely a cry for help of some sort. She may have executive functioning issues herself and be overwhelmed by trying to juggle caring for multiple small children, keep her house in order, as well as church duties she likely has as a minister's wife. She may have met some resistance at some point with her kids over doing school work and she is avoiding that conflict. She may have put her heart and soul into planning a fun, enriching homeschool experience that she imagined to be an ideal, joyful and loving family bonding activity, and when the tough reality of teaching kids set in, she couldn't bring herself to slog through it, her dream having been crushed. Or, she is overwhelmed by her son's learning issues, and either feels like a failure, and/or he makes such a fuss and melts down during lessons, that it is easier to prioritze other duties since teaching has become a frustrating battle.

 

There are so many plausible reasons why school is not getting done, and the fact that she has brought it up both times she has seen you means she knows she needs help, wants to do better, but is at a loss as to how. Since she has invited you into her home to help her "get organized" is a great opening to see into her day to day struggles and offer some real help, if you are interested and able to do so. If she didn't implement your suggestions last time, they likely didn't address the root of the problem.

 

Since she is reaching out to you, getting closer to her and providing an objective outside view of her situation is likely what she needs. She obviously trusts you enough to share this deep, dark secret with you. If you feel capable and have the time, you could make a huge difference in all of their lives by teasing out the root of the problem, and then helping her implement baby step strategies to dig herself out of this hole.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would MYOB unless I felt there were more factors.  For example, if she locked them in their rooms all the time or something like that. 

 

I don't agree with what she is doing, but I don't want to police other people's decisions either. 

 

 

[Jaybee]

 She sounds depressed and stuck so deeply in a rut that she's not sure how to climb out.  I wonder if she has post-partum depression. 

 

 

This was my thought as well.

[73349]

A couple of possibilities:

 

You could see if she wants a standing day/time to meet your family at the library, especially if they do not have a lot of books at home. Her older kids can learn a lot from reading independently, as long as they can read--or even from audiobooks. She might even be inspired to get books at several levels on an educational topic, such as the American Revolution or spring, and read some aloud.

 

Since she seems concerned about how hard it is to get on track, you might gently steer her toward a depression screening (like this?) to see whether she needs to talk to her doctor.

 

[Pamela H in Texas]

Stepping out on a limb here --we are this family...maybe.

We do not do school appropriately, imo.  My kids have mixed skills.  I am concerned.  

 

If I stopped there or detailed my kids weaknesses, I'm sure there would be issues. 
But the children have strengths and interests.  I have strengths as their mother to make sure 

they are making progress.  And in our defense, we do have some extenuating

circumstances.  Additionally, we *are* addressing situations that are adding to the problem.

It is very possible that the OP's friend is in a similar situation.  There probably are

things that should be addressed.  But there may well be more strengths than weaknesses

also.  Without living in their home, it is hard to judge, and it may not be our position.

 

BTW, there is a mom on this board that I know IRL who I confided in.  I am *really* glad

that she did not just say something about "it will all work out" or how keeping the kids

home is ALWAYS better than public school.  Public school is WAY not an option for my

family, but she was very frank that we needed to keep addressing the issue, especially 

with my oldest (of the second set). She had specific ideas.  She was supportive but firm.

And I appreciate it!  

 

Sometimes people just need a "you need to do it and I know you CAN!"  

 

 

ETA: There is NO way that my middle kiddo would write for someone else. NO WAY. 

This isn't necessarily about inability and lack of education.  My son has some issues

with writing, but he is definitely capable of writing a few sentences.  He simply

would not even consider doing so in such a situation though.  He would become Eeyore

which would suggest to some people who wanted to judge that he was ashamed which

wouldn't be the case.  Gotta be very careful about not reading more into the situation

than you really know.  

[umsami]

This is not a MYOB situation.  This is educational neglect, and it seems like the Mom realizes this too.

 

I think she's telling you this because she, too, is concerned.  If this has been going on for at least two years, plus sporadic homeschooling prior, who knows how far behind her 10 year old is.  

 

Not everybody is cut out to be a homeschooler, nor is every "season" always right for homeschooling.

 

If your state has an online virtual academy, I would suggest that.

 

I would ask about curriculum and see what she is using or would like to use.  I would think something with a good schedule would be key.  

 

 

[reign]

I agree, just because she's asking for your acceptance doesn't mean you have to give/imply it.

[Rivka]

It's disturbing to me that so many people would just nod and say nothing. Do our freedoms as homeschoolers really depend on keeping our mouths firmly shut no matter what another homeschooler does? I would argue the opposite.

 

Children have a right to an education. If homeschoolers don't acknowledge that - if we dig in and say that children don't have a right to anything their parents don't choose to give them - then the public is going to step in on behalf of neglected children, and regulate us further.

 

 

[Princess Ariel]

I think some people really have difficulty asking for help and she may be one of them.  Maybe she looks at you as someone who has her act together and is telling you this in hopes that you will offer to help her. I agree with those who suggested postpartum depression or depression in general. Where is her husband in all of this? Is he against putting the children in school and is taking it for granted that she is actually teaching them?  I wouldn't report her but would try to direct her to get some help for herself and for the children. It really sounds like a cry for help to me. Good luck!

[happypamama]

I don't think this is a MYOB situation. It sounds like she needs help and recognizes that she needs help. I think I'd look at her frankly and say, "Okay, what's been going on?" Can you approach it as fresh eyes looking at an issue and helping, as a friend, to untangle the issue? She might just be overwhelmed and need some assistance because she's too close to it all to figure out what to do. I'm picturing one of my friends saying this to me, and I'd hope I'd be caring enough to ask what's been going on and what the obstacles are and if there's anything I can do to help.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

Does your state not have any regulations or checks on homeschoolers?

 

I complain about Maryland's twice a year reviews all the time, but I have to admit, the reviews would definitely catch neglect like this.

 

And, it would also protect someone who had a busybody neighbor or friend, you know? If someone reported me because they saw my kid outside all the time, the state could easily pull up our review information and see that we are providing "regular and thorough" instruction, and hopefully, leave us alone.

[school17777]

I have a friend who went several years without really doing any schooling with her kids because her dh was sick (so lots of running around to appts) and she took care of her parents once a week, etc. She felt guilty about it, but also felt like it was excusable due to her family circumstances. Then her evaluator told her that it was time for her to accept that circumstances weren't going to change and she needed to accept that this was now her life currently and that she needed to figure out how she was going to educate them rather than using excuses. It was a wake up call that she was thankful to hear, but I don't think she would have heard it coming from one of her friends.

 

She did make changes based on that conversation so that her kids were actually learning academics.

[maize]

It sounds like she is reaching out to you, so it is not MYOB--she has chosen to involve you in her business.

 

Maybe help her think through options. How many children are there? A bunch of little ones can be quite overwhelming, especially if mom has ADHD (a possibility) or depression or other physical challenge.

 

Options might include:

 

an accountability partner for mom (email reports every day?)

homeschool coops or classes

putting dad in charge of some instruction

hiring a tutor (older homeschooled teen could be a less expensive option)

private school

public school

public or private virtual school

programs such as switched on schoolhouse designed for more independent work.

[Ipsey]

It's disturbing to me that so many people would just nod and say nothing. Do our freedoms as homeschoolers really depend on keeping our mouths firmly shut no matter what another homeschooler does? I would argue the opposite.

 

Children have a right to an education. If homeschoolers don't acknowledge that - if we dig in and say that children don't have a right to anything their parents don't choose to give them - then the public is going to step in on behalf of neglected children, and regulate us further.

 

I couldn't agree more fervently.

[momto10blessings]

I would mind my own business unless she brings it up ask her if she needs help. I like the idea of an accountability partner.

[Word Nerd]

I would mind my own business unless she brings it up ask her if she needs help. I like the idea of an accountability partner.

But she already did bring it up--more than once.

 

(This isn't directed at the poster I quoted but applies to the general discussion.) The woman has candidly shared her concerns and given the OP examples of her struggles with homeschooling. I'm curious what actual wording the MYOB posters would wait for before they'd see it as their business and be willing to do more than smile and say nothing. This isn't gossip or a case of differing parenting methods. It's a friend who has acknowledged she is struggling.