mom31257 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Dd feels that when she gets stressed, it makes her freeze and accomplish nothing. This then increases her stress. I'm sort of the opposite and work better under pressure. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this and work around it? She is going off to college in the fall and concerned that it's going to hinder her ability to do well. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 A calming down area/corner like a comfy chair. Comfort food, for my friends it is chewing gum. How long does she freeze and how does she usually unfreeze? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 A calming down area/corner like a comfy chair. Comfort food, for my friends it is chewing gum. How long does she freeze and how does she usually unfreeze? Maybe I didn't word it well. It's not so much a physical freeze as much as she spends more time thinking about her stress than accomplishing what would relieve the stress? Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 A calming down area/corner like a comfy chair. Comfort food, for my friends it is chewing gum. How long does she freeze and how does she usually unfreeze? Maybe I didn't word it well. It's not so much a physical freeze as much as she spends more time thinking about her stress than accomplishing what would relieve the stress? Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 The best thing for me is to break down whatever is stressing me out and tackle pieces of it. I make a lot of lists. I plot out deadlines, and prioritize. Sometimes it helps to tackle whatever I'm dreading most. One that's taken care of, everything else seems like a breeze. Other times it helps to do what I most want to do, to get the ball rolling. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I have a similar problem, which is why I'm here right now instead of working on my deadline. What works for me is to pick out one small part of the job and just do that. Then another small part. Eventually the task starts to look manageable and the stress rolls away. Off to implement in real life. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Strategies for handling stress is something I'm trying to work on with my dd. For instance, dd puts a lot pressure on herself academically. She did not do well the last grading period and has been in a funk, but dealing mostly. Yesterday, she found out that she was missing some work that she didn't even know had been assigned. Her response was to curl up in a ball on her bed and cry and stay there for hours. I finally told her she had to walk the dog and she had to walk him a long time so she could reset herself and start working on something from any class. Some sort of exercise is my go to for stress that prevents doing what has to get done. It seems to help dd. I'm hoping that by the time she leaves for college (2016) she'll have started to employ strategies on her own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Maybe I didn't word it well. It's not so much a physical freeze as much as she spends more time thinking about her stress than accomplishing what would relieve the stress? Does that make sense?Get thoughts down on paper. Plan a course of action. It is easy to go in circles in her head, less likely to write the same thought over and over on paper.It just looks less scary written out than as floating thoughts in the head. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeteranMom Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Is she possibly stressing due to worry over failing? What's the source of the stress? Is she a perfectionist? I'd try to get to the source and go from there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I went from being like her to being like you. "Going off to college" is what taught me how to handle it. I didn't go to college at 18, but being completely responsible for myself with no help in stressful situations is just different. You learn. I wish I could explain the transformation but I didn't even notice it happening. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 .. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Maybe have her set a time where she is allowed to think/worry about what is bothering her. The rest of the day she needs to go on with her day and tell herself that it is not time to think about that issue. This helps me compartmentalize when there is something I am worrying about that I have no control over - I have learned how to put my worries in a box and close the lid until it is the right moment to deal with them. If it is something I do have control over, the best thing for me to do is tackle it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I used to work well under pressure (actually, I *only* worked under pressure), but after burning the candle at both ends for too long I burned that ability right out of myself, and now I'm just like your dd. Stress freaks me out and I want clap my hands over my ears and loudly sing, "La, la, la, I can't *hear* you", or curl up in a ball and wait for the stressor to go away. Which of course doesn't work ;). It's an anxiety thing for me, and it helped me to read about handling anxiety. With anxiety, when the fight-or-flight reaction comes, anxiety votes for flight every time - anxiety is pro-avoidance, wants to avoid the cause of all the nasty anxious feelings at all costs. But the nasty thing is, every time you give into the anxiety and avoid the stressor, it makes the anxiety stronger, and makes you want to get away from the cause even *more*, which just increases the anxiety all the more. It's a really vicious cycle. (My mom "handles" this by having *two* competing cycles going - she starts a project when the terror of failing becomes greater than the terror of starting. I don't really want to live that way; plus I can't - when I feel the dual contradictory tugs I just give up entirely.) The way I get out of the cycle is to consciously realize what's going on - that what I want to do (avoid the source of stress) actually makes everything worse. But I can stop the cycle at any point, just by taking a deep breath and doing *something*. Understanding the cycle and knowing that the apparent "easy" path of avoidance causes *far* more pain than the apparent "hard" path of facing it (I have *so* much btdt evidence of that ;)) - it helps me stop the cycle in the early stages, when the anxious avoidance feelings are small. Because it feels like avoiding at the beginning isn't a big deal - there's lots of time to get to it - except that by avoiding at the beginning you *make* it a big deal. Avoidance just breeds more and more avoidance. Eta: General self-care measures - eating right, plenty of sleep, and exercise - all boost my ability to stop the avoidance cycle in its tracks. The worse I'm feeling when the stressor comes, the harder it is to not reflexively hide from it and begin the cycle of avoidance, which itself adds to the stress and makes everything that much harder. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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