WWS question - choppy writing - please help!

[diaperjoys]

Our 11yo just began WWS level 1. We call him our Wordsmith, because of his extensive vocabulary and his gift of phrasing things in any free writing. We are on Week 6, and he's learning to write a "Chronological Narrative of a Past Event". There are quite a few instructions in the text. Many examples - do this, don't do that. Be sure to include time order words, be sure to include a quotation. 

 

He completed an assignment this morning, and I can see that he's attempted to follow the instructions. However, the narrative is extremely choppy. Little itty bitty sentences. Stilted phrasing, no transition words. Really, it is a big step backward in his writing. 

 

I'm really not sure where to go with this. Do I congratulate him on turning out a three paragraph essay, despite the extreme choppiness of it? Do I have him rework the assignment and smooth out his writing? He probably won't understand why it deserves a re-do, because he was trying to follow the extensive instructions. 

 

Perhaps this curriculum is not a good fit for him, and we should quickly run the other direction! We just pulled him out of a very negative school situation, and this gifted child needs a huge dose of SUCCESS. Any input is very welcome!

 

 

 

 

[threedogfarm]

We're not at week 6 yet but I have found the instructor's guide to be very helpful.  Did you look at Week 6 Rubric?  Did he summarize the narrative, list the main events chronologically, use the time words, etc?  In my opinion, this assignment would look very different from from his free writing.  I would congratulate him if he achieved what was outlined in the rubric and probably not say anything about the choppiness.  I am NOT a writing teacher but that's how I would handle it.  After using SWB's programs/books (WWE, starting WWS, SoTW, HoTW) I have learned to trust the process that she lays out because they work for my children so my advice, FWIW, is to not run away from this program but to see how things evolve over time.  Also consider listening to SWB's lecture on middle school writing.  I found that her audio lectures are a great overview of her programs and "the big picture".  I try to listen to the pertinent ones again when I get lost or unsure of our direction.  The are lectures very informative, and she has a wonderful way of speaking that makes me feel like she's talking to me about my child rather than a lecture she has probably done many, many times. 

 

 

 

 

[Momof3littles]

My almost 11 yo has generated similar writing at times in WWS as compared to his normal writing. My hunch is that there are a few things going on.  In our case, I think he's adjusting to the book being mostly written to *him*, and it takes some concentration for him to remember what he's supposed to be doing.  I don't remember lesson 6, but many lessons have very specific requirements, and I know he focuses a lot on that at times vs. the flow of his actual writing.  He's a solid writer, but pretty analytical, so he gets more concerned with ticking off the boxes of what's required at times and ends up more hung up on that then looking at the flow of his writing as a whole?  I'm not sure, but my gut says that's part of what I am seeing with DS.

 

In fact, we just went through this today in lesson 11 (?) on Ivan the Terrible.  With some comments from me, he went back, edited, and it was a big improvement. My son's writing is quite good, but he remains a reluctant writer and also is a big fan of trying to just do the minimum # of words at time.  Sigh.  Once I required him to dig a little deeper, he did much better. 

 

It is tough though!  I do try to stick to the rubric most of the time and keep my personal feeling about the effort out of it.  At times I crack and demand he do more, because I do feel he's capable of more than he puts forth at times.

 

I will follow along, because clearly I'm having similar struggles.  I don't think WWS is in any way too difficult for him, but I do think it is a different format than he was accustomed to until recently.

[Ellie]

Perhaps you can help him evaluate his writing assignments by comparing them with his free writing. Maybe he doesn't understand that the kinds of phrasing and whatnot that he uses in his free writing will make his more formal writing be more interesting.

[kiwik]

If he reads it out loud (to you or in private) he may automatically correct it so it flows better.

[melmichigan]

There is a huge difference between free writing and academic writing to a specific topic based on exacting directions.  Here are two examples from my kids for Weeks 6 Day 4 for some reference.  They attend WTMA and this assignment was graded on completion only.  A few weeks later they were both able to go back and make improvements for extra credit (this is their original submission).  My only requirement before they turn an assignment in is that they read it out loud to me.  As mentioned above, they will often pick up problems without me pointing them out.  If I can find my older daughters submission I will post it as well.  She did WWS a little older than the others.

 

                                                                                                             Events in the sinking of the Titanic

 

            There were ice sightings on April 14, 1912. The Titanic radio operator Jack Phillips ignored the warning from the ship Californian. “Shut up! Shut up! I am busy!†(Reported by Californian). Captain Edward Smith received six ice warnings earlier, though the reports never reached him.

             An iceberg was sighted straight ahead at 11:40 PM. Lookouts telephoned the first officer on the bridge. The Titanic hit the iceberg 37 seconds after it was sighted. A sharp edge of the iceberg cut the starboard (right) side open.

            The captain soon realized the ship was sinking. Shipbuilder Thomas Andrews told the captain that the Titanic would sink in 1½hours. Captain Smith said, “Give the command for all passengers to be on deck with life-belts on.†(Reported by Logan Marshall).  The lifeboats were ready just after midnight in the early hours of April 15^th. Sadly, the lifeboats could only carry half of the passengers on the Titanic.

            Before long distress signals were sent; a white rocket was launched at 12:50 AM. Wireless operators sent out an old distress signal CQD “We have struck an iceberg. Badly damaged. Rush aid.†(Reported by Logan Marshall) “Sinking by the head.†(Reported by Jack Winocour). Other ships did receive the signal but were too far away. The closest ship called Carpathia responded but was four hours away and unable to help.

 

 

 

                                                                                                              ‘The Story Of The Titanic’ Summary

 

            The Titanic collided with a massive iceberg at 11:40 PM.  The ship collided with the iceberg around 37 seconds after the sighting was reported.  The edge of the ice sliced on the starboard side of the ship.

 

  Soon after, the ship began to flood.  Some of the passengers  paniced and the officers assured that there was no danger.  “Oh, no, nothing at all.  Just a mere nothing. We just hit an iceberg.† Reiterated survivor Edith Louise Rosenbaum Russell.

 

  Hours later, the first life boat was launched.  Many of the passengers were weary about leaving the ship.  At first, the lifeboats were only ¼ of the way full, and as the ship began to sink, the lifeboats grew overfilled.

 

The Titanic sank between 2:05 and 2:20 AM. The pressure of water broke windows and let water seep through, making the ship sink faster then it already was.  Later the ship broke in half.  The ship was fully underwater at 2:20 AM.  Only one lifeboat returned to search for survivors. 

 

 

 

[Tsuga]

Our 11yo just began WWS level 1. We call him our Wordsmith, because of his extensive vocabulary and his gift of phrasing things in any free writing. We are on Week 6, and he's learning to write a "Chronological Narrative of a Past Event". There are quite a few instructions in the text. Many examples - do this, don't do that. Be sure to include time order words, be sure to include a quotation. 

 

He completed an assignment this morning, and I can see that he's attempted to follow the instructions. However, the narrative is extremely choppy. Little itty bitty sentences. Stilted phrasing, no transition words. Really, it is a big step backward in his writing. 

 

I'm really not sure where to go with this. Do I congratulate him on turning out a three paragraph essay, despite the extreme choppiness of it? Do I have him rework the assignment and smooth out his writing? He probably won't understand why it deserves a re-do, because he was trying to follow the extensive instructions. 

 

Perhaps this curriculum is not a good fit for him, and we should quickly run the other direction! We just pulled him out of a very negative school situation, and this gifted child needs a huge dose of SUCCESS. Any input is very welcome!

 

Sounds like a great first draft.

 

He's eleven so he's at the level in which pretty much everything is going to require a rough draft. I don't mean for him. I mean this is normal for pretty much the entire population attempting to write. I use first drafts. My partner is taking a college English class. He has to write a first draft.

 

I would NOT phrase it as a re-do. It's not a re-do. He wrote an excellent first draft and he really only needs to work on flow in his second or final draft.

 

My step kids have not written anything without a first draft since fourth grade. Expecting something that sounds food good (ETA: perfect example of how everyone needs proofreading! LOL!) the first time in one morning to me is expecting the impossible. Well... impossible is a strong word. I'll just say that I'm 37 and I've never seen anyone do it.

 

Oh, and it also doesn't sound like a step backwards. Even Nobel Prize winners sometimes focus on content while leaving style behind, and then go back and revise. Writing is not like math in that it's right the first time or wrong and that's it. I haven't read the essay but really... give him a break. He's eleven and he wrote three paragraphs in one morning. It takes my adult partner an entire morning to write a first draft. Then he has to re-do it. That is a normal part of the writing process.

 

In the future I'd make it clear whether you'll be evaluating the work he turns in as a first draft, or as a final draft. If final, he should take much more time on it and definitely write a first draft initially.

[kiwik]

That is true. Even 6 year olds here do a first draft. If he reads it out loud and combines some sentences it will help a lot.

[Aretemama]

I just went through this chapter with my middle-grades class and choppy sentences were the norm. I think that the kids were focused on using the details the way they were written on the outline that was provided in the book, using time/sequence words, and adding dialogue. The kids weren't thinking to combine some sentences for variety and flow. It's a great opportunity to work on sentence combining and variety of sentence length. I would emphasis what he did right, and then take this time to add in what your student needs.

 

Have you seen Susan's recommendation that WWS can be slowed down and taken a half a year at a time? I think it's a great idea for younger students.

[KeepItGoing]

I do NOT require my student to write drafts. I believe that Susan recommends that we not worry about style at this point—that we're worrying here about structure and content. Worrying about style on top of structure and content is too much.

 

Of course, if you don't have a reluctant writer, doing a second draft is probably a good idea. And I always like the idea of reading the piece out loud, which does in my experience result in the student correcting things on his own.

 

__________________________

My 22-year-old daughter has two styles of writing:

(1) The kind where she's writing about something she's passionate about. Her writing is then clear, stylistically appealing, and precise.

(2) The kind where she's assigned to write about a topic that she doesn't care about. Her writing is then meandering and confusing. She could do better if she chose, but she doesn't choose.

 

I do think that she could do #2 better if we had followed something like WWS in her schooling. But I think it's okay if different pieces of writing sound different.

[Farrar]

So there are, IMHO, a couple of ways to come at writing at this stage. One would be to really focus hard on the structure and rules and worry about voice second. That's what WWS, as I understand it, does. After all, who cares if there are great, stellar sentences or beautifully phrased arguments if they're in a jumbled mess of a paper.

 

Another way is to focus on voice and solid writing and worry about fitting it into a structure second. After all, who cares if someone can write a stilted, choppy paper if they can't figure out how to actually say anything well.

 

I don't think one is right or wrong. I think one or the other may be better fits for certain teachers or students. In my own experience, getting the good natural writers like your ds to learn to put their writing into a form is whole lot easier than getting the kids who only know structures to figure out how to hone any sense of voice beyond the basic academic one they've learned. But that's not always true.

 

Basically, if WWS doesn't feel right to you, there are other ways to approach it that may work better for him. However, there will obviously be lots of WWS fans here and any time kids are learning a new format or facing a new challenge they're going to regress a little. So you can also choose to stay the course.

[diaperjoys]

So there are, IMHO, a couple of ways to come at writing at this stage. One would be to really focus hard on the structure and rules and worry about voice second. That's what WWS, as I understand it, does. After all, who cares if there are great, stellar sentences or beautifully phrased arguments if they're in a jumbled mess of a paper.

 

Another way is to focus on voice and solid writing and worry about fitting it into a structure second. After all, who cares if someone can write a stilted, choppy paper if they can't figure out how to actually say anything well.

 

I don't think one is right or wrong. I think one or the other may be better fits for certain teachers or students. In my own experience, getting the good natural writers like your ds to learn to put their writing into a form is whole lot easier than getting the kids who only know structures to figure out how to hone any sense of voice beyond the basic academic one they've learned. But that's not always true.

 

Basically, if WWS doesn't feel right to you, there are other ways to approach it that may work better for him. However, there will obviously be lots of WWS fans here and any time kids are learning a new format or facing a new challenge they're going to regress a little. So you can also choose to stay the course.

 

Thank you to all of you for the input! We're going to finish out the semester with WWS, which will take us about halfway through. We'll focus on getting the structure down, and maybe do rough draft/final draft sometimes to work on the cringingly terrible choppiness. At that point, the other kids will have finished up at the private school they are still attending. I thought we'd set aside WWS for awhile and let the oldest boys work together through Jump It writing. Eventually, there will come a semester when kiddo #2 needs to work on something else for a semester, and the DS1 can probably finish up WWS then. 

[happypamama]

I would ignore it for now. I remember thinking that same thing about some of DD's work, maybe even in that assignment. Since she's kind of a reluctant writer, I ignored it and focused in the things the assignments had required, leaving style alone. The only things I corrected were related to the assignments' direct requests and actual spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors.

 

I'm glad I did. SWB starts including more style stuff later, showing them how they can manipulate the sentences, add transition words, etc. to make the flow better, but little steps at a time. DD is almost finished with WWs1, and I see an improvement in the past few weeks in choppiness and style, so I think it's good that I just trusted SWB's process. I'd keep with WWS for a while, and if you don't have the teacher guide, I would get it because it has been really helpful in teaching me how to help DD and what to expect from her writing.

[Momof3littles]

OP, I just want to say thanks for starting this thread.