Discouraged...need some encouragement

[Forgiven]

It has been a long time since I've been able to log on here. I'm in my fourth year of homeschooling, but I had been working full time from home. Work and homeschool had become too hard to do together, so I quit my job, and am now fully able to devote my time to school. Unfortunately, the last 4 months (or around that amount of time) that I worked was extremely busy. I didn't get a lot of work done with the kids in that time. This would be all of the past Fall. We did math almost every day, but we are very behind on History and Science, and we're maybe a quarter of the way through with our LA.

 

I feel like I'm stuck in a pit, and can't seem to find a way out. I'm overwhelmed with all we need to catch up on, and since my kids are used to not doing very much the past few months, they are balking at everything I'm trying to get them to do. We have been consistent since I've quit my job, except for one week due to a death in the family.

 

I feel like I'm failing my kids, yet I know that sending them to school is not an option for us. I keep thinking that next year will be better. Next year we'll start off with a stricter schedule, and they will follow it, but that doesn't help for this year. My DD12 does her work on her own, without my having to nag her to do so, but it's a constant struggle with my boys, DS9 and DS8. We are in our fourth week since I quit, and though we're moving forward, all I see is how far we have to go.

 

I guess I just needed to vent, and if you have any words of encouragement or advice, please respond.

 

Thanks, Angie

[desertflower]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[HS Mom in NC]

You're in a transition phase.  Transitions are usually hard.  You can't expect everything to be humming along within a few weeks. 

 

Remember, you don't have to school according to certain calendar.  You can start your year round schedule now with the boys.  4 months isn't all that far behind at 8 and 9.  You can easily plan to school during the summer if you're sure you have to to make up the time.  I'm not convinced.  I used to school year round when my kids were younger.  Lots of people do it. 

 

Behind in History and Science at 8 and 9 is not a big deal.  You can make up time by reading aloud A Child's History Of The World daily while the boys eat breakfast or lunch. It covers world history faster than Story of the World and it's good solid stuff.  Find some high quality read alouds about science topics of interest to them to lure them in for this year.

 

Do reading, writing and math daily.  Alternate History and Science read alouds every other day if you don't want to do them daily and get into a routine through the rest of the year. 

 

I have friends who've homeschooled chronically ill children who were far more than 4 months behind at times and their kids graduated on time and early. They just focused on essentials and working diligently.

[Tsuga]

Do not worry about grade levels and requirements. Those are for schools which must corral hundreds of children up to a certain level and only have 12 years in a very strict framework and a few hours per day to do it. While useful as references, they do not indicate that you are behind or ahead if you're going at your own pace.

 

You have time. You can do it. You will do it one day at a time, every day setting one goal. We all have a long way to go. We are with you. :)

[Arcadia]

My boys are only a year older. It has only been four weeks. Give yourself time and see what you have accomplished, not what remains to be completed. It is possible to catch up on history and science over summer. Just concentrate on LA and math with your boys and add on the rest later when you are past the transition stage.

[Kiara.I]

Don't fall into the trap of thinking "Next year I will..."  Because while specific dates that things can change are great (think New Years' resolutions...) what it mostly does is create a perfectionism around it that steals the "good" from right now and postpones it to "then".

 

Next year you can...  Bah.  THIS year you can.  ;)

 

It's been a few weeks and they're still balking.  That's frustrating.  Definitely.  Have you called a family meeting?  Maybe they have some input over how to gain their own co-operation?

[abacus2]

I would do what you can with the school year you have left. Your 12 year old is on top of things. Awesome! 

Just continue science and history next year where you finish this year.

Look ahead in math and language arts and drop chapters of things that will be revisited next year anyway. Grade level materials start with review, so do what you can this year and then just start fresh with the next level next year. Students in traditional schools start fresh after a less than ideal year all the time. The difference for your kids is that because you homeschool, you can pause and work on any problem gaps if any come up.

 

You and they will be fine. Your plans will still hit hiccups, but with your focus on homeschooling, you will make healthy progress. 

[PeterPan]

Congrats on your new opportunity to homeschool exclusively and your diligent work!  It's going to be fine.  Chart it out, but you should be finished with your current materials by fall just by keeping going.  Grammar is something where you can skip levels anyway.  So just plug on!  You're getting back in the groove and doing it!  :)

[Leav97]

:grouphug:

 

Celebrate your 12-year-old, loudly.

 

It will take time to adjust.  My 10-year-old has issues after every break.  Continue to be consistent.  Have a family meeting at discuss your family goals and values.  Seek their feedback.

[stutterfish]

nm

[Lolly]

It sounds to me like you are doing great! The 8 and 9 yo are fine with readin', writin'(or grammar), and 'rithmatic. Seriously. Add in some science/history field trips (at the expense of a day of the r,w,and math), dvd's and read alouds and it is all they really need. Your 12 yo sounds like a gem. Praise her highly and reward her for her efforts. Make sure you take time to breathe and have some fun. (Even if you are "behind". In quotes because I'm betting you are far more in the norm than you think!) Books every day can suck the life out of you and the kids. 

[SunshineMom]

Instead of focusing on what you haven't done thus far, decide on what you would like to do now.  The whole family will need time to adjust to the new schedule, especially Mom.  Take it easy on yourself, remember why you decided to homeschool, that will bring some clarity. :grouphug:

[mommymonster]

I can only comment on your DS8 and DS9, as I have a DS9. Getting work out of him goes infinitely easier if the subject matter is made into a game or something he deems as "fun." Also, a generously sized bowl of mini-chocolate chips or mini-M&Ms can melt the resistance of the most sullen worker.

 

When I feel we are "behind," I start layering on school. We don't usually watch TV during school, so this is a big "treat" for my kids, but how about Bill Nye the Science Guy, Liberty's Kids or Magic School Bus videos while you eat lunch? After they have a basic video on a subject (or two), I cruise around PBS's Nature or Nova programs to take it a step further. If you have Amazon Prime or Netflix, it is even easier. So much of science and history is exposure at this young age... so expose them, and move on. Add in a few science kits and a pond (or whatever) observation this spring, and you're good to go. Audio books of good literature while you're driving places. SOTW's MP3 downloads are beyond awesome, and my son just listens to them whenever he feels like it. 

 

As abacus2 mentioned, for math, it seems like a number of topics are pretty repetitive. Things like money, time and measuring don't seem to change much year on year. Happily, they are things that you can teach using "real life" rather easily. We love the game Presto Change-o for making change. It's a great reinforcer for mental math as well. Analog clocks strategically placed around the house helps for time telling. You can compress the chapters covering such things pretty easily.

 

You've just made a big transition. Give yourself time! 

[Mystie]

I think the thing that would help the most is your mindset going into the school day. When you feel stressed because you're "behind," your kids will pick up on that and feel vague stress, also, and learning is impossible under stress. Instead of thinking of it as behind, just pick up where you are. You all are where you are and you can either move forward or back. If you're moving forward from where you are, that's progress. Good job!

 

Breaks are always hard to transition back to. Building one thing at a time into the routine instead of jumping into the deep end helps kids that age not feel overwhelmed and inadequate. 

 

Try not to tell yourself discouraging things, but encouraging. How you look at it matters. You aren't behind. You're where you are. Put one foot in front of the other and just hold your ground against the complaining. Boys that age complain about being made to work. Too bad for them. It still needs to be done, and if they spend their time complaining, it just means there isn't time for other things. I shrug and tell them I don't listen to grumbling or complaining. And if they argue, I send them outside to run laps. 

 

Balking at returning to a routine and work after a break is totally normal, and it will take a month or two of consistency before it evens out. And it will probably take a number of weeks before you're all reoriented to your new routines before you can get to consistency. Don't sweat it. Just keep plugging away. 

 

 

[wintermom]

You are certainly NOT failing your kids.  You have made them a priority, which is amazing!  

 

I've got 2 boys 8 and 10 years old, and I have to say that it's not the easiest age to deal with in boys. They have to test my limits, and just make sure that, yes, they really do have to do their school work. If I'm very clear in my expectations, and deal with their initial balking (e.g., ignore it, reaffirm the expectation, shut down the whining, make sure the work isn't too difficult, provide the help they may need), they usually end up very proud of their work and glad they perservered - or at least happy they are finished. ;)

 

You can do it! You are doing a wonderful thing. ((hugs))

 

P.S. You are NOT behind. Your family is exactly where it is at this point in time. Just keep on keeping on.

[Dory]

My oldest restarted at kindergarten when he was 8. We didn't rush to catch up. We just did what we were ready for as efficiently as we could. At this point he is WAY ahead. It took 1 1/2 years for him to catch up. Except for writing as he has a processing disorder. That didn't fully catch up until this year. You are doing your best and you will get there. Just keep on going.

[Mom22ns]

You've already heard most of this, but I just wanted to give you a little more encouragement. First, you really can't be behind with an 8 and 9 year old in any subjects but math and reading and those are what you've kept up with right?

 

Science and history are completely optional in elementary school. There is nothing they will learn they will not learn again later. Those subjects don't build the way math and LA do.  Her is all my advice in a nutshell:

 

I agree with the poster that said celebrate your 12 yo loudly!

Keep your math going.

Increase your LA focus, you said you were behind.

Don't worry about catching up in history or science. Just do them on the schedule you want for next year to build the habit and then when the year is over, let it go. 

Don't stress over being behind - it will only lead to the kids feeling the stress and bad attitudes all around.

 

You've got this. You've recognized the problem. You've set the priority. You're making the necessary changes. It will be hard for awhile as the kids adjust to the changes, but you've got it. Just keep plugging away consistently and recognize what you can let go.

[Forgiven]

I want to thank all of you for responding. You have me in tears. I do tend to dwell on the negatives, feeling behind and inadequate. We are going to have a family meeting as some of you suggested. I will praise my DD12 more often and more vocally, and we will continue to chug along. One of the habits that I need to break in my boys is video games. When I was working, it was "easier" to let them play between subjects when I was busy with work. The first thing they do when they're done with a subject is get on a laptop and open up minecraft. My youngest, DS8, just finished math and went immediately to a laptop. I wish I had a lockbox or something I could shut them in...These are the things we need to address in our family meeting. ;)

 

I do feel a lot better. We are on par for math, and though we are a bit behind with LA, I know we can get it completed before next fall. As for Science and History, I have started where we left off with history, and I think I'll focus on that right now and wait for Science until the Spring and Summer. We received a telescope for Christmas from my parents, and we cannot wait to use it. It's been so overcast in our area lately. That will be fun to do, and I did plan on reading a book I got last year during the spring. I can't remember the name of it, but it's an old book that talks about nature in the spring and covers an entire month. I think it's April, but I could be wrong. That will be fun to read each day and then go for nature walks. The kids love being outdoors and going on walks.

 

I appreciate all of you taking the time to lift me up and help redirect me so that I can refocus my mind.

 

Thank you!

Angie

[WTMCassandra]

Yes, I agree that the screen time limiting seems key here. It seems to be exacerbating the transition woes.  Perhaps you can declare certain times screen-free for school (for example, 8am - 2pm daily). This sounds like a great subject for a family meeting. Sure, lock them in your bedroom, or whatever it takes! It will take a while for them to get used to the new routine.  Four weeks sounds like eternity for a Mom, but even adults take at least a month of doing something daily to establish a new habit. I think it is exponentially longer in children . . .

 

I think you are doing the right thing, just weary in well-doing. Keep persevering and don't give up! This is an important time. I really commend you for being willing to quit your job when it became clear to you that it was interfering with their education. But your children do not know how huge a sacrifice you have just made.  While I'm sure you didn't expect them to thank you for prioritizing their education, it must grate that not only are they not doing their job, they are pushing all your buttons. It sounds like natural child laziness to me--although it sure can feel infuriating! 

 

Take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and take it one day at a time, doing what you know you need to do, whether they like it or not. Parenting is sure a tough gig.  You are not failing--because you love them you will do what it takes to establish new routines and habits--even if that makes you temporarily unpopular.

[OneStepAtATime]

FWIW, my son was logging on at night, unbeknownst to me, and playing Minecraft.  DH is huge into computers and put one in each of the kids' rooms.  It was a bad idea but DH doesn't see it that way.  He wants them to learn self-control.  Only sometimes that takes years.  (And FTR DH hasn't achieved that yet :) ).  DS and I had a talk and he suggested I pull the power cord on his desktop each night so he knows he can't log on.  Otherwise even if he isn't logged on, the temptation makes it hard for him to sleep.

 

Maybe you could pull the battery on the laptop?

 

 Do they have Kindles?  If your kids aren't big on reading independently, you could load some audio books and give them the option to listen to a book while they play or build or do an art project, or even read with Immersion Reading so maybe it doesn't seem like so much work.  

[Mom22ns]

We used to have our kids ID's automatically locked out of the computer every evening. It took ds awhile after the computer went off to be able to sleep. I don't know what kind of computers you have, but you might be able to set parental controls that would stop them from using them during set hours (it is easy on a Mac). Then a parent can over-ride that if they choose, so if you want them to have access during school hours, you can give it.

[MomOfABunch]

We had a problem with this at one point. I put passwords on all the electronic devices so no kids could get on without my permission. It was really hard for a couple weeks, but then they got used to asking first and it became not such a big deal. I also instituted "technology time" for a set period in the evening after all school work and chores were completed. That helped a lot.