Son scored low on IQ testing

[javafinch]

I have been homeschooling my son.  He was diagnosed with hydrocephalus at 7 months of age after tremendous head grown (way off chart) which baffled the doctors because his scans looked 'normal'.  Yet the untreated pressure first made his eyes go crossed, and when he was finally shunted (by that time he was 'shocking' to look at with his huge head and forehead!), the doctor said there was 'a surprising amount of pressure' when he put the shunt in.  When I look back at pictures, I feel like he should have been diagnosed sooner, but I guess there is no point in dwelling on that.

 

He talked late, always seemed 'immature' for his age, 'oblivious' to his surroundings, but very sweet, fun little boy.  I always was glad I had him instead of one of the 'usual' little boys and honestly felt he was 'better' - he wasn't 'rough and tumble' or loud.  He was sweet.  He loved to talk to adults over other kids (still does).

 

Anyway, after 2 years of preschool, him being with various therapists through birth-3, etc., I decided to home school  him.  Probably a mistake.  I don't know.  Things went OK but he's always been a bit 'lazy' and doesn't like to do things that are hard for him.  I think I probably did a below-average job at homeschooling him, partly due to my own disorganization and also due to my homeschool social group consisting of the more 'unschool' types, always telling me, "He'll do it when he's ready." 

 

I always felt my son was FINE ... UNTIL I had him around other kids.  Then it would stick out how different he was.  I hate that feeling!  At home, yes, my son does drive me 'crazy' at times with his stubbornness, sometimes lack of motivation and preoccupations (often with things that seem like minutia but he won't stop obsessing about them). 

 

I feel like I was in denial for a long time about his differences, still thinking he was just 'special' or even 'better' than other kids.  Sigh....

 

Anyway, he is starting school Monday.  He will be in special ed and I think it's for the best due to him being increasingly more and more opposed to doing work for me, but with OTHER people he's MUCH more cooperative and hard working.  But ... when they did their testing to qualify him for special ed, he did SO terrible on the IQ test.  SO terrible on the tests the OT did with him (Beery VMI-Developmental Test of Visual-Motor Integration - under 1%  for all 3 parts.

 

I feel SO guilty.  I don't know how much these things can be caused BY being a 'crappy' homeschooler.  Also I'm worried about what he will "do" for his life. 

 

I don't see how the IQ could be AS bad as he said.  He can read, he is bad at math but he can memorize things OK.  Except for seeming very 'naive' and immature, he doesn't seem terribly mentally-challenged.   How can it be THIS bad?  His IQ score was 59!  He got a GAI score of 84 at his neuropsych test 3 years ago - seems more reasonable.

 

I know it's just a test and I know my post here isn't making sense.  I just feel SO down right now.  I look back on how I thought my son was 'better' or 'special' and now realizing those characteristics were because he was basically brain damaged and I think, "How could you be HAPPY about that?" 

 

If this is a pity party, I am sorry.  Just had to get it out somewhere.

[Lecka]

It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong.  

 

And, nothing wrong with loving your son, and preferring him to other kids!  That is how parents are or should be.  He is still your guy :)  

 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I suggest you read other threads here about IQ.  It might help.  And I don't see IQ as a terribly accurate test, TBH.  Each child has different strengths and weaknesses.  Does a lower IQ mean some things will be harder?  Yes.  It can mean that and often does.  But does a lower IQ automatically mean the child is incapable of functioning at all on their own as an adult? No.

 

 Neither does  a high IQ mean that a person will automatically do really well and be successful in life, for that matter.  I have a cousin who tested gifted,  He is truly briliant.  But he is in his 40's and has a terrible time keeping a job or even taking care of his personal finances because of absolutely abysmal Executive Function and communications skills.  His high IQ actually hindered him, IMHO, because people just assumed someone that intelligent would pick up life skills on his own, without need of explicit, systematic, long term instruction and external scaffolding.  

 

Being in school right now may very well help your child.  I hope so, since he is resistant to your instruction right now.  At home, though, work with him on life skills.  Help him learn how to handle personal finances and things like laundry, managing time, meal preparation, etc.   Go slow, be very encouraging and very structured and consistent.  Areas where he doesn't seem to master skills on his own help him put into place outside scaffolding to assist him with getting things done and teach him how to put those external systems in place for himself when you are not around.  

 

I know you feel very alone right now.  Please don't blame yourself.  BTDT.  It is unproductive and unhealthy for both of you.  And you aren't alone.  Just read other threads on this board.  Even though he will now be in school, your child needs you to keep looking forward, be the positive behind the scenes influence that helps him find a better path.  Don't let them blame homeschooling for his issues and don't blame yourself.  Who knows what would have happened if you had done things differently?  It might not have made much difference one way or the other.  No way to go back and find out.  Walk away from that way of thinking, if you can.  Just focus on moving forward.  

 

Huge, huge hugs.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Crimson Wife]

I don't think IQ tests are particularly accurate for kids who are out of the middle part of the bell curve. And I definitely don't have a super-high opinion on the typical school psychologist as tester for quirky kids. I'd be inclined to agree with you that the neuropsych testing is probably more reflective of his actual abilities.

 

One thing that came up repeatedly in the evaluation report that I just got for my little one is a notation that the tester was aware from on-going interactions with my daughter that she had certain skills, but if she didn't respond in the "correct" way during the test administration, they couldn't give her credit for it. So the score for a particular test might look very low, but it's almost certainly an underestimate. I don't know if non-cooperation and/or inconsistent performance might be a factor with your DS, but the scores might be artificially low.

 

{{{hugs}}}

[Lecka]

I have this catch-22 feeling, too.  There are times I wish my son looked better on paper.  But ----- if he looked better on paper, he would not have the help he is getting.  I love how school is going for him, he really is doing well, he is happy, and things are appropriate for him.  If he had higher scores -- this would not be the case.  So -- if I have a choice between him doing well day-in and day-out b/c of how his needs are addressed, or a piece of paper having different things written on it, then the day-in day-out does matter more to me.  

 

It also may turn out that he got artificially low scores for some reason.  

 

Anyway -- I think that scores are something that can get you things -- if they get you good things, then that is nice.  If they don't get you good things, I do not like that. 

 

I think it is too bad that kids have to be quantified this way, I don't think it is helpful in some ways, but I have found, that once people know my son, they do not care much about the papers, if they ever have.  B/c ----- they have seen a lot of kids who have papers with low scores.  They like these kids they know, and think they will like the new kids they meet.  Maybe they have a close relative who had lower scores, or met someone through church, that made them want to work in special ed.  

 

I hope you find that you are meeting people at school who see the special things about your son, I think it does help.  They will not only see him as some test scores.  Sometimes we need that boost from outside, I think.  I have!  It helps.  

 

You don't have to think everything is perfect and there are no problems, but at the same time, you definitely don't have to think everything is gloom and doom.  If you think about your younger daughter -- she will grow up loving her brother, but also, maybe, knowing he has some struggles.  He will be her brother, with everything that there is about him, the better things and the worse things.  I think that is a mindset that I like to think of having.  

[chiguirre]

 

I don't see how the IQ could be AS bad as he said.  He can read, he is bad at math but he can memorize things OK.  Except for seeming very 'naive' and immature, he doesn't seem terribly mentally-challenged.   How can it be THIS bad?  His IQ score was 59!  He got a GAI score of 84 at his neuropsych test 3 years ago - seems more reasonable.

Jody,

 

Your son sounds like Geezle's doppelganger. I will say that G likes school and has done surprisingly well learning to handle the daily stuff that needs to get done. He gets himself ready for school, takes care of his homework and remembers to give me parent letters. I am glad that I homeschooled him for 8 years because he can read and knows his addition and subtraction facts. After a year in ps, I am sure that he would not be where he is if he had always attended. His class tends to work on skills (particularly in math, but also in LA to a certain extent) for a little while and then they drop them and move on. They need to check the box next to a lot of concepts, but they don't give the kids time to really master the material. OTOH, school gives him a chance to try lots of things, both academic and extracurricular that we didn't get to at home because we had to focus on the 3 Rs. He's got a good social network because there are other kids with similar profiles he can hang out with. He's a happy kid most of the time and I know that he will be able to get a job and an apartment in our local community with support.

 

Transitions are hard, but I hope your son has as good an experience as Geezle has.

 

Julianna

[Ottakee]

I agree that 59 is not extremely low.  That is higher than 2 of my 3 kids and they are all doing well.

 

We put ours in public school starting in 6th grade for our son and 7th grade for the girls.  It was the right decision at the time and has worked out well.  I taught them the basics of reading and math and now the girls are in a great program where they are getting job training, academics, enrichment classes (one is learning to make jewelry) and a they have a a great peer group of friends with similar struggles.

 

They are all also in special olympics and at the regional meet this past week it was amazing to watch the snowboarders and down hill skiers.  You would never have known that they struggled with academics by the way they skied down the mountain.

 

Let me know if you have any other questions.  IQ tests can vary from time to time but honestly, as bad as it sounds, having an IQ score under 70 opens up a lot of opportunities for services that aren't open for a score of 71.

[TranquilMind]

I have been homeschooling my son.  He was diagnosed with hydrocephalus at 7 months of age after tremendous head grown (way off chart) which baffled the doctors because his scans looked 'normal'.  Yet the untreated pressure first made his eyes go crossed, and when he was finally shunted (by that time he was 'shocking' to look at with his huge head and forehead!), the doctor said there was 'a surprising amount of pressure' when he put the shunt in.  When I look back at pictures, I feel like he should have been diagnosed sooner, but I guess there is no point in dwelling on that.

 

He talked late, always seemed 'immature' for his age, 'oblivious' to his surroundings, but very sweet, fun little boy.  I always was glad I had him instead of one of the 'usual' little boys and honestly felt he was 'better' - he wasn't 'rough and tumble' or loud.  He was sweet.  He loved to talk to adults over other kids (still does).

 

Anyway, after 2 years of preschool, him being with various therapists through birth-3, etc., I decided to home school  him.  Probably a mistake.  I don't know.  Things went OK but he's always been a bit 'lazy' and doesn't like to do things that are hard for him.  I think I probably did a below-average job at homeschooling him, partly due to my own disorganization and also due to my homeschool social group consisting of the more 'unschool' types, always telling me, "He'll do it when he's ready." 

 

I always felt my son was FINE ... UNTIL I had him around other kids.  Then it would stick out how different he was.  I hate that feeling!  At home, yes, my son does drive me 'crazy' at times with his stubbornness, sometimes lack of motivation and preoccupations (often with things that seem like minutia but he won't stop obsessing about them). 

 

I feel like I was in denial for a long time about his differences, still thinking he was just 'special' or even 'better' than other kids.  Sigh....

 

Anyway, he is starting school Monday.  He will be in special ed and I think it's for the best due to him being increasingly more and more opposed to doing work for me, but with OTHER people he's MUCH more cooperative and hard working.  But ... when they did their testing to qualify him for special ed, he did SO terrible on the IQ test.  SO terrible on the tests the OT did with him (Beery VMI-Developmental Test of Visual-Motor Integration - under 1%  for all 3 parts.

 

I feel SO guilty.  I don't know how much these things can be caused BY being a 'crappy' homeschooler.  Also I'm worried about what he will "do" for his life. 

 

I don't see how the IQ could be AS bad as he said.  He can read, he is bad at math but he can memorize things OK.  Except for seeming very 'naive' and immature, he doesn't seem terribly mentally-challenged.   How can it be THIS bad?  His IQ score was 59!  He got a GAI score of 84 at his neuropsych test 3 years ago - seems more reasonable.

 

I know it's just a test and I know my post here isn't making sense.  I just feel SO down right now.  I look back on how I thought my son was 'better' or 'special' and now realizing those characteristics were because he was basically brain damaged and I think, "How could you be HAPPY about that?" 

 

If this is a pity party, I am sorry.  Just had to get it out somewhere.

I'm sorry for how you are feeling.  Your schooling may have nothing to do with anything.  Maybe he just was having a bad day on the testing day?  I'd ask them to redo that one, as it seems quite far from your previous score, maybe after he gets to know everyone and feels comfortable. 

[javafinch]

Thank you all so, so much for your responses!  They were so hopeful and encouraging.  Sorry for my orig post and if by stating my son's IQ score was 'so low' I at all offended anyone.  I was literally typing through tears and in a very self-centered mindset.  I know when I chose to leave the 'system' when my son was 6, I also chose to deny that there was anything truly wrong.  He struggled so much with learning certain concepts, but I still felt hesitant to even say he had a LD.  Kinsa, I agree with you a lot about middle or highschool being particularly good for SN kids.  I was starting to feel increasingly insecure about how to go about preparing my son for adulthood.  I knew I needed help.  I guess it might be a blessing in disguise that he started to become so oppositional to doing 'school work' with me, because that's why I finally threw in the towel and decided he NEEDED to be taught by people other than myself.  He has been going to a tutor for the past 2.5 years and he takes piano, and he has always been MUCH more cooperative with them than with me.

 

He is starting with a very laid-back schedule to get him into the groove.  Art, Adaptive PE, Foods, 2 study hall periods (one where he will also do another cooking class with the OT once a week and then also be doing a 'job' of helping with chair stacking and table wiping of the cafeteria after lunch.  He will also take a careers (I think it's mainly general life skills), Math and LA with the special ed teacher.  He will get OT, ST and likely PT, as well.  The OT was telling me about a summer school program she runs where they do a lot of stuff out in the community and also do cooking, etc.  The three therapists I've met were all very, very nice and seemed to really like my son, which was nice :)

[Ottakee]

Sounds like he has a great program which will help him reach his potential.

 

I am all for homeschooling and glad I did while my kids were younger but honestly, the schools just have more resources than a homeschool is likely to have.  They have OT, PT, and speech along with lots of community opportunities that are hard to replicate as a homeschooler.  For my kids, it also gave them a peer group of other kids with similar struggles.

[javafinch]

I agree that 59 is not extremely low.  That is higher than 2 of my 3 kids and they are all doing well.

 

We put ours in public school starting in 6th grade for our son and 7th grade for the girls.  It was the right decision at the time and has worked out well.  I taught them the basics of reading and math and now the girls are in a great program where they are getting job training, academics, enrichment classes (one is learning to make jewelry) and a they have a a great peer group of friends with similar struggles.

 

They are all also in special olympics and at the regional meet this past week it was amazing to watch the snowboarders and down hill skiers.  You would never have known that they struggled with academics by the way they skied down the mountain.

 

Let me know if you have any other questions.  IQ tests can vary from time to time but honestly, as bad as it sounds, having an IQ score under 70 opens up a lot of opportunities for services that aren't open for a score of 71.

 

Do you mean services in the school?  I assume that before he is an adult he'd need an official IQ test done by a doctor if it looks like he's going to need more support as an adult?  I can't imagine that the school's IQ test means a whole lot?  Thanks!

[Ottakee]

Do you mean services in the school?  I assume that before he is an adult he'd need an official IQ test done by a doctor if it looks like he's going to need more support as an adult?  I can't imagine that the school's IQ test means a whole lot?  Thanks!

Disability took our school IQ tests and used those so they do mean something ......if you chose to use them and share them.

 

For legal guardianship, I did have to have another school psychologist test the kids as the one at the school didnt' have the proper license needed for the court system.