How do you stay happy?

[PeacefulChaos]

I would say it's the time of year... that it's just winter that makes me all gloom and doom, and I need more vitamin D.

 

My life isn't bad.  I don't dislike homeschooling.  I have a good family.  I like them a lot. :P  

There are little things going on that people think should bother me right now, and I could blame those things for me feeling down, but it isn't those things.  

 

Yeah, I wish we had a church to go to, or that I could even have the possibility of a church to go to.  Yeah, I feel a little strange - not really sad, just strange because I'm not there? - when I see the pictures of the things they're doing at our old church.  I don't think I should be there.  I don't miss it.  It just seems weird to not be a part of it because that's what I'm used to.

But overall, that whole church thing... not really a huge deal.  It is what it is.  We're working on it.  We're looking.  We can't do any more than that.

 

Yeah, I wish we made a little more money.  Doesn't everyone?  :D  I wish we weren't in debt.  But it is what it is.  We're not drowning, we're surviving just fine.  Someday, something good will happen, and we'll get out of it.  It's really not a big deal.  There are things far more important than money, and as long as we have what we need, there is nothing to want for.  I don't feel uneasy about our finances.  

 

The things that people think should bother me aren't. 

 

I don't know what's bothering me.  What's always bothering me?  I can't even say I'm bothered.  

 

I'm empty.  I'm like, void of all feelings.  Christmas used to be my favorite holiday.  Last year we never put up a tree, didn't really do much to celebrate.  This year the tree is up.  It's pretty.  It's fine.  I got gifts for the kids.  I'm happy about the gifts for the kids.  

But I'm not excited about Christmas.  I guess I could say there are aspects of it I'm looking forward to - I look forward to Christmas morning and the kids opening their gifts.  I'm neither looking forward to nor dreading the family Christmas party on Tuesday night - it's just another event.  It's all seeming very routine.  Very dull.  

 

I tend to get a little blah sometimes... a lot of times.  It's like if I don't have something specific that I'm looking forward to or working toward, I become really listless.  Last year I was at least going to Thailand in January.  I had gotten LASIK that previous September and run a couple 5ks.  There were a lot of things that I was going for.  This year I haven't really been going for anything.  There's nothing to go for.  I can't go to Thailand every year.  I would if I could, but I can't.  

But even in the midst of that, if it wasn't about Thailand I didn't care so much.  I knew that I would dread coming back - I hoped I would come back and that somehow my whole life would make sense and seem worthwhile.  Obviously that didn't happen.  

 

I'm a completely directionless human being.  I fail at life.  I really think I fail at life.  I don't dislike myself.  I like myself just fine - I'm just realistic.  I'm not good at life.  I can make sure things go fine with the kids' schoolwork... I can make sure everyone has clean underwear.  I can get dinner on the table and make sure there is food in the house.  I can plan out the school year and all that.  It isn't like I fail at everything... it's like I just don't really know how to personally live life.  

Does that make any sense?

 

I have great friends.  I have plenty of 'me' time (which I think is hogwash anyway, BUT if I needed it, I definitely get plenty!) and plenty of social time with friends and plenty of time with family.  I'm not really wanting on any front.  

 

There's that lie that being a mom is the single most important thing ever, but that's just not true.  I don't think what I do is important.  At all.  It just... is.  I do it well, I think.  I don't do bad at it.  But by no means is it the greatest accomplishment I'll ever have or the greatest thing I'll ever do.  I don't want to aim so low.  

 

Idk.  I just am blah... I'm always blah.  Not always, but a lot.  I used to blame it on the winter but I don't think it's just the winter.  At any time of year I get into these slumps where I'm just like, wow, seriously, this is it?  This is life?  Seriously?  Lame.  It's dull and how can this be all I am?  

 

So how do you defeat stuff like that?  I'm getting really sick of it.  It happens so much.  People tell me I just need to be happier... right.  Tried that.  And I can't say I'm unhappy to begin with.  There's a lot in life that I'm happy about.  People tell me to pray and read my Bible every day... yawn.  Yeah, heard that before, too, and done it, and that doesn't make a difference.  People tell me to learn to be content with my life, and I'm like, ok... but seriously?  I don't even see what that has to do with anything.  I'm not discontent about anything except the fact that I feel nothing.  I'm only discontent because I can't drum up feelings of extreme happiness or excitement, or because I look in the mirror and see a void.  So shove the discontentment argument up your @$$, TYVM. (general you)

 

 

So yeah.  Any ideas?  How to become human again?  :P

 

[Ausmumof3]

It sounds like ennui.

 

It could be a touch of depression. Do you exercise at all currently? I see you did couch to 5k.

 

Maybe you need to just pick a random goal and go for it. Learn a language, save for a holiday, start a garden. Plan to learn or do something new and amazing.

 

I do have the feeling occasionally but I don't really have the answer because I just seem to drift in an out of it. It's like people are made for challenges and when there aren't any it's all kind of boring.

[Guest]

peaceful, I think I understand, because I "get like that" pretty often, too. I'm just melancholic. Truly, I believe some of it is hormonal and/or nutritional and can't be fully rectified. I do take a med to assist. But I still go blah often and winter always brings it on.

 

The main things that help me are active learning, yoga, meditation and really decent vitamin support.

[HSmomof2]

(((Hugs)))No advice, but I feel much the same as you do.

[Chris in VA]

I'm only discontent because I can't drum up feelings of extreme happiness or excitement, or because I look in the mirror and see a void.  So shove the discontentment argument up your @$$, TYVM. (general you)

 

 

 

 

Honestly? You sound depressed. Sorry if this is hard to hear.

Once I heard, "Depression is anger turned inward."

 

I agree.

 

Figure out why you are angry (and think of it not as a feeling, because I see you don't feel angry, but as a reaction that you are not currently feeling  but is still present).

 

It will take introspection and reflection, and work, and being really honest with yourself.

 

It helps me to talk it out, dig, keep talking, keep going until I discover what the hell it is--THEN the "anger" comes out. THEN I can deal with what is making me so unhappy yet blah.

 

This is what I think. YMMV.

 

 

[SKL]

I feel similarly - and stressed out most of the time too.  Funny thing is that up until a year or two ago, I was one of those people who would have had a great answer for you.  I was usually pretty happy and peaceful.  Now I am wondering how to get back to that.

 

Some things that have worked for me in the past:

 

Remember your best is good enough.

Vitamin D.

Chiropractor.

Good, uplifting books.

Yoga.

Tell a trusted friend how you feel.

Get a project or two behind you.

Give to charity.

Find something on YouTube to laugh about.  :)

[Night Elf]

When I last felt like that, people told me I needed to get a new hobby. The problem is that I have zero interest in anything hobby like. So I started reading more, mostly rereading books I remembered I really like. But truly, for the most part I do feel happy with my life. All I've really wanted was a husband, children, and nice home. And I have those things. I've never been career minded. I hate traveling. The only thing I have to look forward to is being a grandmother and that will be a while. I recently told DH I have no aspirations. I don't know if I should feel bad about that or not.

[Critterfixer]

Just because you are not sad all the time does not mean you can't have depression. It sounds like depression rolling in, and I would take it seriously. 

I remember many days (when I was recovering) where I felt very much like you describe: discontent with no defined edges. Like being in a fog all the time. Looking a mirages of what I "should" be or "could have been" and having no clear images. 

I think in my case it had to do with the fact that I'm naturally a very mid-range person, not prone to high or low feelings, so I didn't detect the spiral to depression until I was pretty low. It took me almost a year to crawl out on several different medications and quite a few life changes. I wish I'd been able to see that I needed medications far earlier than I did--because I had to hit rock bottom before I was forced to do something. 

So my advice is take it seriously and go get checked out. 

 

And you can tell people who tell you to suck it up and be happy to go stick that advice where the sun doesn't shine.

[creekland]

I get that way whenever I get into a rut doing the same thing over and over.  I NEED change in my life.  I thrive upon change and situations that differ.  There might be a tad of ADD in that, but I'm not really into labeling - just comparing.

 

What helped me a ton was picking up my subbing job at the high school 15 years ago and then crafting that job into being what I want it to be - taking jobs I like - getting to know the departments well (and them, me) so I can teach and not just "sub."  Each day I work is different and usually challenging in one way or another.  When I get too much of a rut by going to school all the time, I stay home.  When I'm in a rut at home, I go to school.

 

When school's out (or sometimes even when it isn't) we travel - not the whole time - but enough to keep my sanity.  I usually like new places when we travel too.  There are ways to travel rather inexpensively.

 

Without change in my life I get very much the way you described - living, but not thriving.  It's not really depression, I think it's boredom building upon itself.

[TranquilMind]

I would say it's the time of year... that it's just winter that makes me all gloom and doom, and I need more vitamin D.

 

My life isn't bad.  I don't dislike homeschooling.  I have a good family.  I like them a lot. :p

There are little things going on that people think should bother me right now, and I could blame those things for me feeling down, but it isn't those things.  

 

Yeah, I wish we had a church to go to, or that I could even have the possibility of a church to go to.  Yeah, I feel a little strange - not really sad, just strange because I'm not there? - when I see the pictures of the things they're doing at our old church.  I don't think I should be there.  I don't miss it.  It just seems weird to not be a part of it because that's what I'm used to.

But overall, that whole church thing... not really a huge deal.  It is what it is.  We're working on it.  We're looking.  We can't do any more than that.

 

Yeah, I wish we made a little more money.  Doesn't everyone?   :D  I wish we weren't in debt.  But it is what it is.  We're not drowning, we're surviving just fine.  Someday, something good will happen, and we'll get out of it.  It's really not a big deal.  There are things far more important than money, and as long as we have what we need, there is nothing to want for.  I don't feel uneasy about our finances.  

 

The things that people think should bother me aren't. 

 

I don't know what's bothering me.  What's always bothering me?  I can't even say I'm bothered.  

 

I'm empty.  I'm like, void of all feelings.  Christmas used to be my favorite holiday.  Last year we never put up a tree, didn't really do much to celebrate.  This year the tree is up.  It's pretty.  It's fine.  I got gifts for the kids.  I'm happy about the gifts for the kids.  

But I'm not excited about Christmas.  I guess I could say there are aspects of it I'm looking forward to - I look forward to Christmas morning and the kids opening their gifts.  I'm neither looking forward to nor dreading the family Christmas party on Tuesday night - it's just another event.  It's all seeming very routine.  Very dull.  

 

I tend to get a little blah sometimes... a lot of times.  It's like if I don't have something specific that I'm looking forward to or working toward, I become really listless.  Last year I was at least going to Thailand in January.  I had gotten LASIK that previous September and run a couple 5ks.  There were a lot of things that I was going for.  This year I haven't really been going for anything.  There's nothing to go for.  I can't go to Thailand every year.  I would if I could, but I can't.  

But even in the midst of that, if it wasn't about Thailand I didn't care so much.  I knew that I would dread coming back - I hoped I would come back and that somehow my whole life would make sense and seem worthwhile.  Obviously that didn't happen.  

 

I'm a completely directionless human being.  I fail at life.  I really think I fail at life.  I don't dislike myself.  I like myself just fine - I'm just realistic.  I'm not good at life.  I can make sure things go fine with the kids' schoolwork... I can make sure everyone has clean underwear.  I can get dinner on the table and make sure there is food in the house.  I can plan out the school year and all that.  It isn't like I fail at everything... it's like I just don't really know how to personally live life.  

Does that make any sense?

 

I have great friends.  I have plenty of 'me' time (which I think is hogwash anyway, BUT if I needed it, I definitely get plenty!) and plenty of social time with friends and plenty of time with family.  I'm not really wanting on any front.  

 

There's that lie that being a mom is the single most important thing ever, but that's just not true.  I don't think what I do is important.  At all.  It just... is.  I do it well, I think.  I don't do bad at it.  But by no means is it the greatest accomplishment I'll ever have or the greatest thing I'll ever do.  I don't want to aim so low.  

 

Idk.  I just am blah... I'm always blah.  Not always, but a lot.  I used to blame it on the winter but I don't think it's just the winter.  At any time of year I get into these slumps where I'm just like, wow, seriously, this is it?  This is life?  Seriously?  Lame.  It's dull and how can this be all I am?  

 

So how do you defeat stuff like that?  I'm getting really sick of it.  It happens so much.  People tell me I just need to be happier... right.  Tried that.  And I can't say I'm unhappy to begin with.  There's a lot in life that I'm happy about.  People tell me to pray and read my Bible every day... yawn.  Yeah, heard that before, too, and done it, and that doesn't make a difference.  People tell me to learn to be content with my life, and I'm like, ok... but seriously?  I don't even see what that has to do with anything.  I'm not discontent about anything except the fact that I feel nothing.  I'm only discontent because I can't drum up feelings of extreme happiness or excitement, or because I look in the mirror and see a void.  So shove the discontentment argument up your @$$, TYVM. (general you)

 

 

So yeah.  Any ideas?  How to become human again?   :p

No one stays happy all of the time.  We all have bad days.  I'm crankier when I don't see the sun for days on end.  But that's just life, and you pick yourself up again, because if you don't, who will? 

 

You sound a little overly introspective to me.  You don't need to examine every passing feeling and find awesome meaning in every moment.  Just do what you have to do every day, and try to get a little joy out of it, and impart a little joy to someone else that day.  That's about the best you can do, that, and count your blessings. 

 

Maybe you do need to make some future plans too...we are.  These kids will be out of here in no time (cries).  We need to loosely plan for a life afterward.  That kept me going through recent surgeries, talking about our still-very-amorphous plans for later.  And praying, and speaking scriptures- that helped. 

[TranquilMind]

When I last felt like that, people told me I needed to get a new hobby. The problem is that I have zero interest in anything hobby like. So I started reading more, mostly rereading books I remembered I really like. But truly, for the most part I do feel happy with my life. All I've really wanted was a husband, children, and nice home. And I have those things. I've never been career minded. I hate traveling. The only thing I have to look forward to is being a grandmother and that will be a while. I recently told DH I have no aspirations. I don't know if I should feel bad about that or not.

You make me smile, in that you just own what other people fear to say!  Good for you.  Every person doesn't have to aspire to greatness in the sight of the world; greatness is found in the tiny moments anyway. 

 

You will be a rockin' grandma, when you get there. 

 

Yeah, it will be awhile for me too!  But my oldest is home from overseas so I am loving that. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

The "empty" comment makes me think you might be depressed.  When I was once depressed to the point of needing medication, that's exactly how I felt.  Empty.  It wasn't a sadness.  It wasn't a discontent.  It was a lot like feeling I was at the bottom of a black pit. 

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

When I last felt like that, people told me I needed to get a new hobby. The problem is that I have zero interest in anything hobby like. So I started reading more, mostly rereading books I remembered I really like. But truly, for the most part I do feel happy with my life. All I've really wanted was a husband, children, and nice home. And I have those things. I've never been career minded. I hate traveling. The only thing I have to look forward to is being a grandmother and that will be a while. I recently told DH I have no aspirations. I don't know if I should feel bad about that or not.

 

I don't think you should feel bad, but I remember my mother saying that and I admit I didn't quite understand it.  I think for her, she was just happy when she didn't feel like crap.  That was a huge accomplishment in and of itself.

[Peaceful Isle]

Feeling blah is so no fun. I'm so sorry you are battling this. There are things you can take. Wellbutrin really helped me through a very blah/depressed time in my life. I didn't tell many I was taking it, because many I know don't believe in antidepressants and feel it is a spiritual issue and I am just not spiritual enough. Whatever. Anyways, it gave me tons of energy, lifted my spirits, and helped me get through the day, actually looking forward to life.

 

It is really no way to go through life though. :( can you go to the doctor and get a blood panel done to see if you are deficient in any vitamins? Maybe your thyroid levels are off. That can make you feel low.

[SKL]

I would remind all of us that this is the darkest time of the year, and it is natural that people feel more blah or depressed at this time.  The days will soon start to get longer and naturally fix the problem to some extent.  Yippee!

[SKL]

Another thing that I did a long time ago (so I forgot about it) - I stopped watching TV.  TV is depressing on so many levels.  And people tend to watch more of it as they feel less motivation to do other things.  I suggest you keep the TV off.  Ditto any addictive games you might be playing, or similar stuff.

[Critterfixer]

 

I would remind all of us that this is the darkest time of the year, and it is natural that people feel more blah or depressed at this time.  The days will soon start to get longer and naturally fix the problem to some extent.  Yippee!

 

Except for me. I'm happiest through October to April. Anything past May 20 or so is a bad time of year for me. I simply detest summer-heat, humidity and the danged sun sitting on my head.

[sunflowerlady]

I get it. I feel similarly quite often.

 

Some things that sometimes help a little for me are- vitamins, amino acid supplements, extra vitamin d, exercise and plenty of protein.

 

I am reading along for answers too.

[sunflowerlady]

Double post

[happi duck]

(Hugs)

 

I can relate.

[Slache]

Go to the spa or somewhere special you don't usually go for a pleasant change of scenery. Have some wine. Have some teA. Start a fitness program or some sort of change that will shake things up.

[creekland]

How's today going?

[SKL]

This morning I thought of something else.  Sleep enough, but not too much.  For me, I often feel like lying in bed (as in, not getting up to face the day), but I feel more depressed in that condition.  Getting up is hard but it feels a lot better once I'm doing something productive.  (Today I had to leap out of bed and fix a work mistake, and I'm glad I did.)

[Sandragood1]

You have some good suggestions up thread. If changing anything or seeing a doc for meds seems like too much right now may I suggest "Get Happy" tea? It's a thing. I get it at the grocery store. World Imports has it and I'm sure amazon does too.

 

It tastes good and has a little St. John's Wort. Maybe that will give you enough oomph to make bigger changes? Or perhaps it will be enough.

 

Smile more. For no reason. I hope you feel better,

[Gentlemommy]

OP, I am feeling exactly the same. Actually I've been debating posting about it...I just can't get myself out of this funk. I'm not sad, I'm just...distracted? Stuck? Frustrated? Bored? Insignificant? And very very tired. I have a lot to be happy about, a ton to be thankful for, and I am! I just feel void of....SOMETHING.

I don't get much alone time, and Dh is gone a lot and usually unpredictably, so I don't have the opportunity to do things like take lessons, volunteer, get a job, ect., unless I'm willing to stop homeschooling (I'm not, I love homeschooling), or leave my kids with a sitter (don't really have anyone, plus babysitters are pricey!), ect. I do feel very alone, my best friend is DH, who is gone often. When he's away, his schedule is different than ours, meaning we don't get lots of time to chat. Sometimes it's just a 2-3 minute call per day, if that. Hard to connect.

I don't have any goals, hobbies, or interests that I can put much time or effort into. I'm not learning new things, I'm not out there, in the world, making a difference. I know that many moms find meaning and joy in being a mom to the exclusion of everything else, and for a long time I did too...but it's not enough anymore. I'm not willing to leave my kids for a long time to pursue my own interests though, which leaves me in a difficult spot.

Anyway, I usually love Christmas and this year I'm feeling so blah about it. 😟 I'm trying to pull myself out of this funk before Thursday.

[Guest]

I would remind all of us that this is the darkest time of the year, and it is natural that people feel more blah or depressed at this time. The days will soon start to get longer and naturally fix the problem to some extent. Yippee!

You know, I have a very "earthy" friend at co-op who said something similar to me once. It was February. i said, "I'm just not ready to be back at co-op. It's so dark and cold. i really just want to curl up at home." She really normalized it for me by saying winter is the natural cycle of retreat; it is normal and okay to feel that way. It really reframed the blah of winter for me and helped me feel less defective.

[Guest]

Another thing that I did a long time ago (so I forgot about it) - I stopped watching TV. TV is depressing on so many levels. And people tend to watch more of it as they feel less motivation to do other things. I suggest you keep the TV off. Ditto any addictive games you might be playing, or similar stuff.

Wait..define this "similar stuff." You can't be suggesting internet boards? Playing with cyber friends? ;)

[SeaConquest]

It sounds like dysthymia to me. Are you taking anything to boost your neurotransmitters? Antidepressants, fish oil, SAM-e?

[PeacefulChaos]

This is probably really long.  Sorry!!! 

 

I've been planning on starting yoga.  It won't be a class - I don't know of any in our town except at the Y, which I'm not a member of - but at home, so hopefully I'll be able to stick with it.  I am definitely planning on it for January 1st - NOT because of some resolution thing, but because that's when this 30 days of yoga class thing starts online.   :p

As it begins to get into the spring, I really need to make myself go and run again. I love running.  I do not, however, love running inside on a treadmill, so last year when it got dark too early for me to go running in the evening AND in the morning, I tried the treadmill once and never did it again.   :leaving:  The treadmill where I work (which I can use after therapy sessions are done) doesn't have any TVs or anything to distract you, and it doesn't even have anywhere to put the iPad where I could still be distracted, watching something.  The only thing in there is a mirror, so I can watch myself run... yeah... no thanks.   :p  though I was pretty pleased when I did it the one time, because i could see that nothing was jiggling.   :lol:

 

Is there a certain kind of Vitamin D that is best to take?  Like, I know there is D3, etc... I keep meaning to run and get some but I keep forgetting.  I should put it on my list for tonight, actually, I have to run to the store anyway...

I currently don't take anything.  I take Vitamin C sometimes.  I was taking a probiotic for awhile.  But other than that and melatonin to sleep, I don't take anything.

 

I'm not sure what I would do without any screens (for lack of a better word).  I don't really watch much TV, but it is the one thing I do at night, after the kids go to bed, when I can just sit and veg - I watch Netflix or Dramafever or I catch up on my current shows.  And I watch a lot of music videos lol.  ... I don't really love to read so I can't imagine doing that all the time.  Plus it would get expensive (I owe a ridiculous amount of fees at the library already, and I'm TERRIBLE about returning books, so even when i pay it off, I rack it back up again - so I give up on the library!) ... I will admit that mindless TV is a bit of an escape for me.  I like being able to sit there and just be completely disengaged (I mean, I'm watching and paying attention, but you know what I mean by disengaged, right?) because I don't have to be bored.  

 

I am bored a lot during the day.  I think that's part of it... I really feel like there is nothing to do.  Stuff like cleaning and laundry never occurs to me to fill time... I do laundry when someone says they need laundry done, I clean when I happen to be doing something and notice it needs it.  But I can't ever just think of something to do.  I think that's part of why I dread getting up in the morning - it's more time of not having the slightest idea of what to do.  I would rather be laying in bed half asleep than sitting up bored and feeling blah.  Does that make sense at all?  lol...

 

Right now, I really have a bad sleep schedule, but I know that the sleep schedule isn't causing my 'problems' (for lack of a better word), but vice versa.  If I didn't feel the need to escape into mindless entertainment, I probably wouldn't stay up until 3am (though I'm a night owl anyway, and I have never - even at the best moments of my life - been a person who could sleep early, and I've never really 'gotten tired' before going to bed - I go to bed because it's the thing to do).  If I felt there was purpose in getting out of bed (as opposed to more hours of boredom), I probably would be able to do so.  Right now I sleep about 8-9 hours a night.  I think my optimal is 10, but I can't still be in bed when DH comes home for lunch.  Even if that only means getting up 30 minutes before that, I don't want to be in bed at lunchtime...

 

What I eat is decent.  I don't eat breakfast but I never have, I hate breakfast foods, except the ones that aren't real food, like pop tarts (No, I don't eat pop tarts - but they do taste good, and I have been known to have them for dessert on very rare occasions).  I eat lunch around 2, when the kids are done with school work - usually leftovers or cheese and crackers, if I don't have any leftovers.  Dinners are healthy, balanced meals.  I eat a snack at some point during the day, either sweet or salty... Idk.  I think I eat pretty well.

 

I do get dressed every day.  I take a shower most days.  The days I don't, it has more to do with scheduling than anything else.  

 

I appreciate everyone taking me seriously and giving me advice.  This is something that I've struggled with for much of my life, from the time I was a teenager on.  There are sometimes fads that I *think* cheer me up for awhile, but inevitably I end up back like this.   I sort of feel beat down but I'm not sure by what.  I mean, I could look at my responses to things that come up (example: DH applies for a job, and my thoughts are that I highly doubt he'll get it because we never get it, we just don't get breaks like that... in all aspects of life, not just that) and I really seem like a downer and like I am throwing my own little pity party but I'm not trying to at all... that's just the truth as I see it.  

 

 

How's today going?

 

 

Today is okay.  I read through a lot of the responses here last night and have figured out that I need to figure something out... I think I'm very bored.  I just need to figure out something to do.  The problem I'm finding now is that I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I'll stick with exercising because my track record is really against me there. :p  I feel like I need to contribute to the world in some way but I feel like I don't and that sucks.  It's like I'm just sort of lost on what it is I should do - I don't know what I'd like to do for a hobby, or what I could do that would make me feel happy about doing it, or anything.  Like I said before, just sort of a useless life.  I kind of live a useless life.  Not saying that to be all gloom and doom or throw myself a pity party, I swear... I just can't think of any other way to describe it. 

 

I'm going to try to figure some stuff out.  I highly doubt I would go to a doctor because it just isn't really something I can do right now... without insurance, the cost is astronomical, and I already have medical bills waiting for me on the desk that I need to send paperwork in for (but keep forgetting, of course).  I guess there may come a point when I would do that, but not for awhile.  

[creekland]

Today is okay.  I read through a lot of the responses here last night and have figured out that I need to figure something out... I think I'm very bored.  I just need to figure out something to do.  The problem I'm finding now is that I don't know what to do.   

 

Is volunteering an option?  Our newspaper lists volunteer opportunities occasionally - it doesn't matter if you're available on a regular schedule or an odd schedule at many places.  It would help you meet new people and feel useful at the same time.  If you can do it, I highly suggest seeing if you can find a good fit.

 

Like I stated in my earlier post, I get incredibly bored and empty in a rut.  For me the answer is a dream part time job (full time would also be a rut before long).  But if I didn't have that job, I'd be volunteering.  For the amount I actually earn, it's almost volunteering anyway.  But I love it and it keeps my brain young(er) or at least busy.

 

I'm a much nicer person to be around when I'm in my happy place too - whether that's at home or working (or traveling).  It's when I get in ruts that I go stir crazy and can get a wee bit cranky.

[Critterfixer]

Well, if you are looking for some natural ways to boost dopamine, I'd be looking at some weight lifting. I've actually been considering this option for myself during the times of the year when running is just too miserable. There's a period during the spring when one actually acquires speed in one's step to get away from the horseflies. I don't do treadmills either, and yoga makes me miserable because I am just reminded constantly of how poorly I flex and how bad my balance is. Not to mention I don't know my right from my left, so working out in groups is a no-go. I'd hit somebody. But weight lifting I could get into. It's measurable. You can see how great you're doing. It starts to show in your body, which is really rewarding.

 

Certain foods are good to boost dopamine. Dark chocolate and walnuts are some of my personal favorites. I can snack on those together and they taste so good. I don't take Vit D (don't really need it here) but a B complex is often helpful for me to make me less irritable. I've never seen that it does much for my mood, but I'm far less grouchy if I take it.

I'd also encourage you to work on getting to bed before three am, and not watching things too close to bedtime. I noticed a big difference when I began to work on changing my night owl lifestyle. I'll never be an early bird, but making sure I am in bed and working on getting to sleep well before midnight has been important in keeping me healthy and, well, happy. Er.

 

I still think it would be wise for you to have this problem checked out. You've been dealing with this since you were a teen, I think it's time to do something about it. And you are NOT living a useless life. You are very important to your family and your friends. I saw those pictures of you in Thailand! You looked very happy, and you mentioned that you felt bonded to the group you were with. So you are important and you are useful. 

You are important.

You are useful.

[Tsuga]

I'm not happy but I have come to a point where I'm okay with not being happy most of the time. I think happiness, in the form of cheeriness, is kind of overrated.

 

I volunteer and it doesn't give my life meaning, sorry, charlie! I have volunteered my whole life. Also, I exercise. Also, I eat well.

 

In fact the main thing that I disliked about my own life is that I do everything right and I'm still not "happy". I feel like, what more does life want from me?

 

And then I decided I am just going to be sad sometimes and irritable sometimes and have feelings and screw everyone who wants me to be happy because what kind of life is that, anyway? What's so great about that bubbly feeling? So I'm not happy. So what? I was born. I'm here. I'm tired of people telling me I should cheer up.

 

With all the injustice and suffering in the world, I'm supposed to be happy for myself?

 

I've decided my whole purpose is just not to die. To stay alive. So that's actually my main goal. Happiness is no longer a goal. I used to think I could achieve some kind of peace and now I've realized, what kind of maniac could feel really happy with all the pain and suffering in the world? What kind of person could feel fulfilled because of something they, that tiny insignificant person, did? It's actually kind of silly. I mean some people are happy, and that's great, but I've realized that most people aren't happy because of something they did.

 

They just are happy. I have done all the right things to be happy and I'm not, while others like my boyfriend do NOTHING compared to what I do in terms of making happiness. They're just happy. Period. They just--don't suffer for others. Not that they don't care. They just don't feel sad.

 

I don't deserve to feel sad / ennui any more than others deserve to be nearsighted or have great hair. Really. It's just the feeling I have.

 

I have started to look at advertisements for happiness like plastic surgery ads. Sure, I could be happy, but why? I'll just be okay with who I am... happy or not.

 

 

 

 I kind of live a useless life.

 

Don't we all? Most of those people who Mother Theresa helped are dead now. (Not to put too fine a point on it, but...)

 

In a million years this will all be gone.

 

"Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,†every “supreme leader,†every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there–on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

 

Carl Sagan

 

Honestly, what keeps me  going (not happy) is that no matter what... all the injustice, all the fear, all the death, all the unkindness in the world, my debt... I'm still here. I kind of get a kick out of the fact that they haven't gotten me yet. And that will be true for as long as I can think it. I think, therefore I am, after all!

 

"I been scarred and battered

my hopes the wind done scattered

snow has frizz me

sun has baked me

looks like between 'em

they done tried to make me

stop laughin'

stop lovin'

stop livin'

 

but I don't care

 

I'm still here."

 

Langston Hughes

 

This doesn't make me happy, but sometimes it makes me smile.

 

Some people are blessed with beauty, other with good cheer, others with money, others with intelligence, others with physical talent or strength.

 

I didn't get happiness. Oh, well.

 

I will say that I do enjoy good sex, good alcohol, good food, good music and a good joke. My kids are great for the jokes. I also like being outdoors. It doesn't make me "happy". I just feel okay. Like I'm here alive in the universe and things aren't so bad. I don't feel like that when I'm indoors.

 

So I own a lot of outdoor gear!

 

 

[merry gardens]

I would say it's the time of year... that it's just winter that makes me all gloom and doom, and I need more vitamin D.....

...  Any ideas?  How to become human again?   :p

 

You wrote that on the darkest day of the year.  Read the book Winter Blues by Dr. Norman Rosenthal. I made numerous changes to my life after reading that book.  Winter Blues is sometimes bad enough to earn the more clinical diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder.  There are changes that one can do for her life to make winter more bearable.

 

I make myself go outside every day to ward off the winter blues. Taking a short walk even when it's sub zero helps me tremendously. I sit by the window in the sunlight. I got a lamp that was recommended in the book to increase my exposure to light. There are other ideas in the book, and I can't recall all of them right now.  January and February are usually harder months for me--and I pull out the book "Winter Blues" for ideas almost every winter.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

You sound very much like me. I think many of us are ground down into nubs by mediocre/poor diets, poor sleep, no time to ourselves (OK, maybe that's me, but it's a HUGE factor for me), etc. You might look into the book The Mood Cure. It was so very helpful to me. The best I've ever felt was when I was taking 5-HTP based on my reading of that book. It actually gave me joy back in my life--I could laugh with my kids again, stay calm through frustrating parenting episodes, feel excitement and joy. After a year or so of taking it regularly, I didn't need it anymore. (Now I sort of do again, but since I had my first kidney stone, now for some reason taking 5-HTP kicks off kidney stone attacks for me :confused1:  Very strange, but I've never heard this from a single other person, ever, so don't let that stop you from looking into it.)

 

There's also SAM-e, which someone mentioned, and rhodiola, and other herbal/supplemental options that people are finding very useful. I agree with whoever said that you need to find some ways to increase your dopamine. That's a HUGE thing for me. But it's hard to find the energy to get started on those things when you're feeling the way you are. I totally get that. These days, all I really seem to WANT to do is curl up in my bed with books that take me away from here. Everything else is on autopilot or done because I have to get it done. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: