JAWM...pre-k Christmas concedt

[MrsMommy]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

Well, if they do think that, they now know not to mess with you again.

 

So glad he'll be participating!

[ErinE]

And another thing...

 

I've attended multiple professional sports games where the half-time performances were given by NT and special needs children.

 

Some of the kids stood still. Some yelled as they danced. Every kid seemed to have the time of their life.

 

If the NFL, NBA, and NHL can accommodate children not performing perfectly, then your public school can, too.

[Reflections]

No, this is a public pre-k. He's been doing so well, aside from transitions, that this really caught me blindsided.

 

I got a hold of his classroom teacher, who really loves him, and she said she has not been having any problems with him lately either. She thinks the music teacher is just afraid he will cry or melt down with all the sensory stimulation. Which to me is okay---he can come sit with Mommy. I just feel he should at least be given a chance to try.

 

I am crying. I feel like such a crappy mom.

NM.  My outraged matters not now.  

 

I'm glad he's good to go.

 

BUT, stop feeling like a crappy mom because of crappy people.  You're not.  You rock!

[ErinE]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

Tell them, "you should meet my online friends."

[GailV]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

I wish we could all be there for the concert!

[MFG]

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

You say that as if it is a bad thing.

[momto10blessings]

No, this is a public pre-k. He's been doing so well, aside from transitions, that this really caught me blindsided.

 

I got a hold of his classroom teacher, who really loves him, and she said she has not been having any problems with him lately either. She thinks the music teacher is just afraid he will cry or melt down with all the sensory stimulation. Which to me is okay---he can come sit with Mommy. I just feel he should at least be given a chance to try.

 

I am crying. I feel like such a crappy mom.

Oh gosh now you made me cry. You're not a crappy mom. At all. The teacher is a crappy teacher, yes. Hugs to you. You need some chocolate. Lots of it. This teacher is going to have a lot of angry wtm mamas on her tail.

[MomatHWTK]

Good for you.  Make sure they know you are the crazy pyscho lady who knows her child's legal rights. :grouphug:

[Rachel]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

Yay! Good job advocating for your son. Please tell us how much he enjoyed singing after the concert.

[happi duck]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

Yay!

[Catwoman]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

:party: :party: :party: :party: :party:

 

I am so relieved and happy for you!!! :hurray:

[MedicMom]

And I got the full story about what happened today that made them call me and say we don't want him singing.

 

After the fourth song in rehearsal he started "leaning" into the kid next to him. The kid pushed him; Josh pushed back. Nothing else.

 

(I said, for the love of God, these are FOUR YEAR OLDS)

[happi duck]

Tell them, "you should meet my online friends."

Like was not enough...love this!!

[Harriet Vane]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

Crazy psycho lady from hell is a title you embrace in a situation like this. Anyone who messes with a child needs a little help rearranging their priorities.

[maize]

Good job advocating Mama. 

 

This should never, ever have come up in the first place, the school was entirely out of line.

 

Now I can go about my day without worrying about your little boy being crushed.

[SparklyUnicorn]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

Who cares.  They are in the wrong.  He wouldn't be the only 4 year old who has meltdowns . WTH

[*Lulu*]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

Unfortunately, if your school district is not good in the special ed services deptartment, this may be the only way you don't spend the rest of his years in PS fighting to get every tiny detail of his IEP implemented.

 

((Hugs))

 

And know that you are NOT a crappy mom. You are a very good mom!

[Twigs]

… Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

:thumbup1:

You may now replace the title above your avatar!

[ErinE]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

I forgot to say: Yay! Happy dance emoticon!

[MFG]

And I got the full story about what happened today that made them call me and say we don't want him singing.

 

After the fourth song in rehearsal he started "leaning" into the kid next to him. The kid pushed him; Josh pushed back. Nothing else.

 

(I said, for the love of God, these are FOUR YEAR OLDS)

Have these people EVER dealt with little kids before???

[happi duck]

And I got the full story about what happened today that made them call me and say we don't want him singing.

 

After the fourth song in rehearsal he started "leaning" into the kid next to him. The kid pushed him; Josh pushed back. Nothing else.

 

(I said, for the love of God, these are FOUR YEAR OLDS)

That's it?!? How are these people qualified to work with kids if they can't handle normal kid behavior??

[chiguirre]

And I got the full story about what happened today that made them call me and say we don't want him singing.

 

After the fourth song in rehearsal he started "leaning" into the kid next to him. The kid pushed him; Josh pushed back. Nothing else.

 

(I said, for the love of God, these are FOUR YEAR OLDS)

 

Wait a sec....They're having 4 yos do more than 4 songs in the Christmas show. These people are NUTSO. I can only assume they haven't done this before because that's just over the top for preschoolers.

 

I'd also say that being the psycho mom from hell is not a bad thing to be when dealing with public school weirdness.

[Farrar]

I can't even read all the responses, I'm just so angry on behalf of the OP and her ds! If they want to exclude him, that's fair, but you never ever ever ever tell a child they can do something and then take it away like that. Especially not something like this, which is about responsibility and doing your best. There's no better way to ruin a kid's self-worth. I would absolutely make them tell him. And then I would show him that I was going to fight for him by chewing them out over it in front of him. I don't usually advocate for that sort of thing, especially in front of a little kid like that, but they're wrong. They're patently wrong. And a kid needs to see that his parents will back him when people do him wrong like that.

 

ETA: Well, I just saw they're going to let him sing. Thank goodness! Good for you!

[bolt.]

I have the sinking feeling that SN moms end up needing to be (psycho lady from h) I mean, firm, direct, clear, and inflexible... From time to time for a lot of long years. Keep her in your back pocket. This is probably only round one.

[Butter]

And I got the full story about what happened today that made them call me and say we don't want him singing.

 

After the fourth song in rehearsal he started "leaning" into the kid next to him. The kid pushed him; Josh pushed back. Nothing else.

 

(I said, for the love of God, these are FOUR YEAR OLDS)

 

Oh, geeze.  That's IT?!?!  My son was in public kindergarten last year for half the year.  In November they had a "pow-wow" where they all dressed like Native Americans and sang songs and danced.  It was adorable.  And in the middle of it, one of the kindergarteners had a mega meltdown.  Crying, screaming, etc.  Her mom simply removed her from the room.  That's it.  Nothing was ruined.  No one was upset.  She was a 5 year old girl.  She got scared.  It happens.  A boy leaned on another child.  There was shoving.  The teacher helped the boys scoot apart so it wouldn't happen again.  Again, nothing was ruined.  No one was upset.  Other little things happened, too.  Stuff like that simply happens when you are dealing with little kids.  (And, for the record, all the kids involved are not special needs kids... the two special needs kindergarteners had no issue lol)

 

[Luckymama]

Out of likes and multi-quote isn't working

 

:party:

[Guest submarines]

I'd be contacting the local media. Shame on them! Shame. It is a pre-K concert for the parents, not the Vienna Boys' Choir performing for the Pope. And if they think no one else there is going to have a meltdown? Out of the other 4 year olds?? They don't sound like educators at all.

 

I want to see this story on the local media and going viral. Seriously. My heart breaks for your little boy and I'm also boiling with anger.

[Danestress]

I think you get the medal for the easiest post to 'just agree with.' Totally insensitive, wrong, and embittering.

 

I would email (because I might cry on the phone, and I am truly not a frequent crier, but this is making *me* want to cry). I would try persuasion first. All the normal, 'How can we make this work?' stuff. I would tell them what you told us about your sons's excitement/disappointment.

 

If that doesn't work, I would start in on how your son is being penalized because of his special challenges, the school is marginalizing him for a (not sure this is the right word) disability? challenge? immaturity? And that a preschool should care more about learning to deal with differences than having a perfect performance. And, if they are unrelenting, I would let them know you will pursue and publicize this with your full energy.

 

 

I would not, however, just show up if that might cause your son more pain. Even if you succeed in getting him on stage, I would be concerned about how he might feel/react to any heated exchanges or the disapproval of the staff. Getting all dressed up and then hearing, 'We told you not to come' would devastate most children, and the Joy would be sucked out of it, even if he did end up participating. I would be concerned that a melt down would then take place and you would then have an ugly, 'We told you so,' response.

 

Happy Holidays, lol. Nothing like seeing this kind of intolerance and cruelty at a season of light, joy, love, and peace on earth.

[Annie G]

This might be the first thread ever where every single one of us agrees with the OP. Amazing. But not really, since it's so clear that the music teacher is a mean person. 

 

I wish your son could hear each one of us applauding his performance- whether he has a meltdown or not! 

 

And FWIW, when my kids sang with a youth choir, we had TEN year olds who pushed and shoved while on the risers, during a performance.  So your four year old (who was provoked, BTW) is doing exactly what other little kids would do. 

 

You're a great mom and your boy is going to have a great concert. Please come back and tell us how it went!  (Especially if it includes a description of you making a face at the music teacher after it's over. )

[Eagle]

So did they phone the mom of the boy who pushed your son to say he couldn't be there either? Or were they clearly discriminating against your son because of his special needs? I can't believe any of the teachers/staff wanted to exclude your son from a children's Christmas concert. This was so clearly wrong and it makes me more mad to realize there were several adults involved and not one of them realized it was a problem.

 

After the concert, you should write a letter to the district explaining that your child was discriminated against along with the details. Say that after you advocated for him he was allowed to perform, but you are upset that the situation was even allowed to happen and would like it on record that this occurred at your school.

 

I really hope we get to see a little video clip of his performance. He sounds so enthusiastic and full of joy. :)

 

And *fourth* song?!?! Have these people never done a concert with children before?

[MedicMom]

This is the first year they have full time preschool, and the music teacher's first year. So it is their first pre-k concert.

 

We are pulling him out after Friday. I found a three morning a week play based preschool that specializes in sensory disorders. He can go there and play and we will homeschool from there. Both grandmothers homeschooled for a combined 52 years(30 for my mom, 22 years for my mother in law) and they have offered to help homeschool until we are in a position for me to quit my job.

[happi duck]

This is the first year they have full time preschool, and the music teacher's first year. So it is their first pre-k concert.

 

We are pulling him out after Friday. I found a three morning a week play based preschool that specializes in sensory disorders. He can go there and play and we will homeschool from there. Both grandmothers homeschooled for a combined 52 years(30 for my mom, 22 years for my mother in law) and they have offered to help homeschool until we are in a position for me to quit my job.

Wow! Great news!

[Danestress]

Oh, and btw, one of my biggest parenting regrets is that I did not do anything to advocate for my son when he was in kindergarten. He was assigned to be an 'elf' in the school performance. He was mortified that he had to wear red tights, which he felt were a 'girl' thing. And honestly, At the time, you did have to buy from the girl's section if you needed red tights, I talked to him endlessly about how it was just a costume, how 'girl' things are not bad, how he needed to be a team player... And I won. He was on stage in the stupid tights. But he stood silently with his arms crossed for most of the performance. It's a pretty hilarious video, but a sad reminder to me that I failed my son because I didn't want to make waves. I should have at least voiced his feelings and asked about wearing red sweat pants. Or perhaps asked about rethinking that role for him.

[Danestress]

Dp

[SproutMamaK]

LOVING both of your updates! I'm still shocked that the teachers somehow thought their behaviour was acceptable, but if this is the first year doing this for everyone they may need a few smacks upside the head to get their vision straight. I'm so glad you found a plan that will work for you, and that your son will get to enjoy the program. :) Word to the wise from a fellow mom to kids with autism: embrace the "psycho mom" role. Unfortunately, very little progress gets made without fighting tooth and nail for it. If it feels like you're constantly prepare to go to battle... that's because you are. ;)  You get used to it after a while, but often getting your kids what they need means you need to be *THAT MOM*. It stinks. There are some people with whom you'll be able to have pleasant, mature, mutually edifying discussions... but there will always be a few out there who will keep trying to push you around until you break out the Mama bear.

[redsquirrel]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

that is a good thing.

 

I have a couple friends who the school thought were 'crazy psycho lady from hell' and they were all great moms.  By the time their kids were middle school aged, they snapped and the school jumped. I used to tell one mom that I was so glad she used her powers for good instead of evil.

 

Their kids all had really good public school experiences and always had the best teachers, lol.

[Eagle]

This is the first year they have full time preschool, and the music teacher's first year. So it is their first pre-k concert.

 

Well this explains a lot. Likely the teacher will consider her concert ruined by whatever random 4-yo stuff happens from any of the children.

 

We are pulling him out after Friday. I found a three morning a week play based preschool that specializes in sensory disorders. He can go there and play and we will homeschool from there. Both grandmothers homeschooled for a combined 52 years(30 for my mom, 22 years for my mother in law) and they have offered to help homeschool until we are in a position for me to quit my job.

Yay!!!! I am relieved he doesn't have to go back to this school. Hooray for grandmas! :hurray:

[Valley Girl]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

Wear that badge with honor--you earned it in defense of your kiddo. I'll bet your little guy does beautifully, and you can enjoy the satisfaction of "told you so."

[Reflections]

Gosh darn it, Hive, I've run out of LIKES!  :glare:   Just know that I LOVE each of your posts!

 

MedicMom, I'm all  :party: that you are pulling him!!!

 

[idnib]

I'm only halfway through the thread but I wanted to mention that anxiety that you know you're going to run out of likes but you can't stop anyway.

[jrn]

QUOTE   Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

I told my dh about this whole thing today and he says you should treat this as a well deserved promotion.

[brehon]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

Thank goodness I read the whole thing. I was all ready to do battle on your behalf.

 

You put your steel toes on and kicked some bureaucratic ass!! Good on you!

 

Wear your title like the badge of honor it is. It's more special than the professional bling we wear.

[Susan in TN]

MedicMom, Did you forget to mention that this was a performance at the White House which will be attended by the First Family and many foreign dignitaries? Because I'm pretty sure they all would be thrilled to see excited, wiggly 4yos perform, even if a meltdown or two was a possibility.

[SKL]

Well, in a way I'm sorry you won't still be working with the school in the future, because they stand to learn a lot from you and your son.  And you have started them on the right path today, I think.

 

I've had to be "that mom" a couple of times, and it sucks, but if we don't do it, they will think our kid is fair game for all sorts of mistreatment.  And I have to say that nothing my kids have gone through even approach being asked not to participate.  My goodness.

 

When my kids were in KG, there was a little girl who was violent to other kids and to the teacher, and she had loud screaming tantrums on the floor several times per week.  (I don't know if she had any diagnosis.)  They never excluded her from a show.  IIRC she was Mary in the Christmas program.  And it went just fine (our expectations were appropriate for the age).

 

Maybe you should mail the psych, the teacher, and the music instructor copies of "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever."

[MedicMom]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

[Angie in VA]

This is the first year they have full time preschool, and the music teacher's first year. So it is their first pre-k concert.

 

We are pulling him out after Friday. I found a three morning a week play based preschool that specializes in sensory disorders. He can go there and play and we will homeschool from there. Both grandmothers homeschooled for a combined 52 years(30 for my mom, 22 years for my mother in law) and they have offered to help homeschool until we are in a position for me to quit my job.

 

 

Then I get both of my wishes: he sings in the concert AND you can take him out of that school. 

 

YAY! This makes me so happy!

 

And I didn't say it, b/c my blood was boiling, but of course you're a great mother!!!! 

[Angie in VA]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

 

 

Well done!!!  :hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:

[El...]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

 

:lol:  And yep, smoking something.  Ding-a-lings!  I'm glad you took care of things. 

[ErinE]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

I really, really, really question the professional credentials of the people running this school.

 

Wow.

[happi duck]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

:lol:  :lol:  :lol: