Leaving the preschool because of parent teacher conference

[Elisabet1]

I did not want to go to the conference yesterday because the teacher was so negative every time I saw her. I decided to send my husband. But then, at the last second, I decided to go along. 

 

My 5 yr old is my 3rd child to have an official autism spectrum disorder DX. And so far, he is the most mild too. He is very sweet. ALL my children have been language delayed. It is not related to the ASD. It could be caused by the same gene, don't know that. But all my cousins were language delayed too, and they are all well educated and most of them do not have ASD. Many have graduate level degrees or are in grad school (PhDs and MDs and such). 

 

We will not use public school here because they are awful with kids with ASD. My 13 yr old was definitely abused. He told his doctor, more than one. But CPS would not even investigate a school. My older had similar experiences. The school used solitary confinement, a lot. I mean, it was not given for violent behavior. It was given for stuff like finishing work early and sitting quietly when the BIP said must be working at all times. Meanwhile, the other kids in the class were chasing each other and tackling, especially a group of boys. The girls mostly just talked with each other. My child would sit quietly and then get thrown in to solitary confinement for the rest of the day. He started coming home with bruises. He told many people about it, including his doctor, our grandmother, his psychiatrist, and so on. But apparently, CPS does not handle these matters. And they withheld meals too. He usually did not get lunch because he would be locked in to solitary confinement by 10am and not allowed out the entire day and not fed.

 

Oldest child, the one who is a sophomore in college now, was not allowed to be in a college prep program or allowed to take AP or preAP classes. He also was not allowed to do extra curricular activities. We did file a complaint with the federal government and were offered an in-district transfer to a school that was lower ranked, but did not treat students like that. 

 

So clearly, I am not going to send another child to those schools. My NT students were bullied (but not by staff) and the school is very tolerant and accepting of bullying. We are just done. And academically, they are awful. What is the point of a school that does not really bother to teach the children?

 

So moving on..child is at an expensive preschool that we cannot really afford. But, they have a great reputation and were open to children with special needs. Things were great the first two years. Then this year, he got a class where they let kids who were much younger than the class age in to it. Basically, it is the 4 yr old class and he turned 5 right on the cut off date. But, other kids in the class even now are still 3 yrs old. You were supposed to be 4 yrs old by Sept 1. I have visited the class and my son talks just as well as the rest, as the rest are a full year to a year and some months younger. Also, he is just as calm as the rest of the class.

 

Then the teacher started harping on the ASD. She never has anything positive to say. And some of the highlights of yesterdays were  "I saw on his paperwork that he has ASD and his behavior freaks out the other kids" without any explanation to what he has done wrong. "No one wants to be his friend"...when I had observed and he was playing with the other kids just fine and normal as anyone else. And claims that he was aggressive, but when I observed, which I will observe about once a week when they only go 3 times a week, and usually observe when he cannot see me and he is just as calm as everyone else, and more calm than some. 

 

Also, turns out, they change activities on a 15 minute timer and they said he does not like that. 15 minutes???? Are these 2 yr olds? How can they do anything in 15 minutes? I am not getting that. I asked if they ever told him no, and well..no, they have not. I asked if they ever used time out when they are having trouble..also a no to that. 

 

Then they started harping that he needs to go to public school so he can receive their services. I kept telling them the public school has no services for kids with ASD, other than solitary confinement. They do not even do speech for kids with ASD.

 

I feel like he has been singled out. And while they are no where near as bad as the public school, they still have issues. I had to fight back from crying. Then later, I asked my husband what he wanted to do and he said he wants him out of there. We have never seen these behaviors in our child so this is ridiculous. Plus, our child has started saying bad words that we do not say, since he has gone there this year. The class has 5 boys and only 2 girls. One of the girls is the teacher's daughter and she won't speak to anyone in the class at all and always has a grouchy face on. This is not just my observation. The teacher and some of the other parents commented on it. But in her case, it does not get a negative spin. "oh, she is just so shy, she still doesn't talk to anyone in the class, isn't she so sweet?"

 

I am so sad about pulling him out. He goes afternoons and there are no other classes in the afternoon. And my husband is fed up anyway. He does not want him there anymore anyway. The morning classes are more expensive and we are already stretched financially.

[school17777]

(((hugs)))

[Riverland]

:grouphug:

 

My only regret with pulling dc's from schools was not doing it sooner. Never did a bad situation improve with time.

[Pen]

As to the older child's school, that's really upsetting sounding. If CPS does not handle it, it sounds like something should.  And sad as to the younger one's preschool. :Hugs:

[SKL]

This is why I stopped sharing my kids' [mild] issues with teachers.  They seem to think that if the kid has "issues," the teacher has to have negative, unhelpful comments.  Even if the comments boil down to "your kid acts her age."

[Heathermomster]

I don't think it is wise to place your child in a class where the teacher's child is also a student. Ask me how I know...

 

Thank the school for being honest with you. It is better to know what the staff thinks now rather then learn about it later. Maybe look for another half day pre-K. My DS had a bad pre-K experience too. I pulled him because I could see that the teacher had no experience with managing children. We ultimately placed DS in a school with an experienced teacher that adored him. At 15yo, DS has no recollection of the event but is still friends with three students from his 2nd pre-k class.

 

This too shall pass.

[Kanin]

Sorry you're going through this stress, but it sounds like you're making a good decision!

[merry gardens]

:grouphug:

 

Are you planning to homeschool him for pre-school?  You wrote you were spending more money than you could afford on this pre-school, so think of how the money could be put to better use. 

 

[Guest2]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Years ago my NT son's preschool teacher talked to me for 30 minutes explaining how my son would be on an IEP when he got to school for behavior , grades, everything else she could think of....

Um...nope. He got along well with the other students once he had a better teacher. We had a good time after that homeschooling. He does like structure and because of my work with children we tried very hard to keep our word with our kids. Apparently she would tell the kids they were having recess everyday at 11:00, but since the teacher and aid weren't finished making the "kid's" crafts, they couldn't go outside. And yes he was a commended national merit student and is quite happy at the college of his choice participating in both honors programs. Teachers can be great or they'd can be like the ones our kids have had....negative, hurtful and most of all.. Wrong. Sounds like the teacher made up her mind before even meeting your child. Have fun with him.

[Mrs. Tharp]

The teacher is not willing to work with him and doesn't want him there. I would document every single one of her complaints, note the lack of any corroborating evidence along with the data from your in-class observations, note the deterioration in your son's vocabulary, and send it to their director's office the same day you withdraw him. It can't hurt.

 

You are absolutely making the right decision. This situation would not have ended well.

 

:grouphug:

[msjones]

I wouldn't keep my child in a class where the teacher didn't like him.  Kids need to feel welcome, wanted, safe, and cared for at school.

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

One bad teacher has caused tremendous emotional scars for my son.  Those scars still exist nearly 3 years after we pulled him from school.  Your child's mental health is paramount.  Do what you feel is best and don't feel bad at all.