dsmith Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 It's been really difficult lately with ds, and we've been dealing with major setbacks with behavioral issues/ anger management/ anxiety. The other day was especially bad and I really thought we were going to have to take him to the hospital, he was so out of control. We live with our in-laws and they generally don't notice the problems we deal with. My mil is out a lot babysitting for my sil's kids. My fil doesn't hear well and is in his room most of the day. We keep to certain areas of the house, and usually when ds has some kind of meltdown it is in our basement rec room and not noticed by anyone but dh and I. I used to talk to mil more about ds and whatever issues he was/is dealing with, but she is home less and less and usually caught up in her own world. She didn't notice anything going on the other day although we all went out together after the 'episode' and the following day she was with her other grand kids. Meanwhile I was on the phone with various doctors trying to get him the help he needed and trying to deal with him in crisis mode and she is asking me to order gifts for her, expecting me to take care of dinner, etc. She found out eventually that we were having big problems, and she has been asking me about it but I just don't want to share anything with her. I'm angry with her for always being with her other grand kids and for not spending time with ds. She rarely asks about him anymore and now she expects me to tell her everything about the latest setbacks. I gave her a very brief general answer to her latest questions, and I just don't want her to know any more than that. I feel justified and petty at the same time... Yesterday I was just having a very emotional day waiting for the neurologist to call, and I needed a few things for dinner. She told me she would pick them up so that I could be available to talk to the neurologist when he called, but it was getting late and she hadn't gone yet so I ended up going. Then somehow I end up babysitting my nephew so they can go to Mass. It was supposed to be for 30 minutes and it ended up being for 2 1/2 hours. Dh had taken ds out and I thought I was finally going to get some alone time to have a good cry. When dh came home and we were on the back porch together I totally broke down in tears. Thankfully he was able to work from home today to help me out. All of this has really made me miss my mom more than I usually do. She understood a lot of what I go through after dealing with similar issues with my brother. At least I had a good dream about her last night - it felt like a visit. :001_smile: Anyway, thanks for 'listening' and I would appreciate prayers and good thoughts for ds. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'm sorry. I would simply respond truthfully and say, "I am so emotionally and physically drained from dealing with ds's behavior that I just don't have any energy left to discuss it. I'm wiped out and all I want to do is retreat from everything. Maybe in a couple of weeks when I have started to recoup, we can go somewhere and talk about it." Maybe something is in the air. Monday was the worst day I have had with Ds in yrs. He exhausts me and his siblings are stressed. (((( hugs)))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Ariel Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: It is always so hard to know how much to say and who to tell. So sorry things have been so tough lately. I can surely empathasize with you and offer a hug! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 :grouphug: December is always a difficult month for ds. According to his therapist, many s/n kids have difficulties this month related to Christmas if the families celebrate. Thanks for your advice. I'm sorry. I would simply respond truthfully and say, "I am so emotionally and physically drained from dealing with ds's behavior that I just don't have any energy left to discuss it. I'm wiped out and all I want to do is retreat from everything. Maybe in a couple of weeks when I have started to recoup, we can go somewhere and talk about it."Maybe something is in the air. Monday was the worst day I have had with Ds in yrs. He exhausts me and his siblings are stressed.(((( hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Here's a hug back! :grouphug: I also have a sister I share with and she tries to understand as best as she can. My mom was the one that really 'got it' though. :grouphug: :grouphug: It is always so hard to know how much to say and who to tell. I know with my mother and mother in law, who are quite a bit older, they really don't understand things so we do not share much with them. I tend to only share with one of my sisters. So sorry things have been so tough lately. We have also been having some of the toughest issues we have ever gone through these past couple of weeks so I can surely empathasize with you and offer a hug! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Sorry you're having an especially difficult time. Hugs from cyberland. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 :grouphug: I'm sorry. Would hubby talk to his mother? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jilly Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Your son is in middle school, right? That was an especially tough time for my Aspie. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 :grouphug: I'm sorry. Would hubby talk to his mother? Dh will probably say something to her this weekend, but we know she is a bit clueless as to what we really go through, and sometimes we think she may prefer it this way - a kind of denial maybe? Thanks for the virtual hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Your son is in middle school, right? That was an especially tough time for my Aspie. :grouphug: :grouphug: Ds is actually 16, but emotionally and educationally he is still mostly middle school. He's been stuck for a while and regressing. The last few years have been very difficult and finding the help he needs has been hard. Thanks for the hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I gave her a very brief general answer to her latest questions, and I just don't want her to know any more than that. I feel justified and petty at the same time... Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it. (((hugs))) For what it's worth, I want to encourage you that 1.) You're not alone in feeling this way (even if you feel alone in feeling this way - raising special needs kids can isolate us, to be sure), and 2.) You don't owe explanations about your family to anyone. You may decide to be vague and evasive for a variety of reasons, Each time you do, you'll be responding to a need in the way you think is best for the circumstances. In other words, you're justified, not petty, to not share details. You're also being very considerate of your young guy who will appreciate one day how much you respect his privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am sorry it's been so difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Crown Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 (((dsmith))) I'm sorry it's such a difficult time right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 :grouphug: Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Thank you all for the kind words. Things have been a bit better with ds the last 2 days, and dh has been taking him out so that I can have a break. I took him out for lunch and some Christmas shopping yesterday, and at the neurologist's advice replaced regular school with read-alouds and some light work for the next few weeks until his med changes are settling in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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