scrapbookbuzz Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Had someone who should have known better say to me tonight, "I think you're making a mistake, personally, thinking your kids have issues." Now that it's too late for a snappy response, of course I've come up with one! I think if a 'next time' presents itself, I'm going to say, "You know, you're right. That was a mistake because it's obvious the person with the issue is you, who has no empathy for those that truly struggle." I bit my tongue on a lot but my mama-bear was riled up! Now to find that soothing music . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Don't you wish that snappy retort would come automatically? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Yes! but it never does, sadly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 "Thank you, she's really come a long way, she's such a hard worker." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 the problem with snappy comebacks is they just irritate the person they are directed at - and that person learns nothing because all they see is that you made a snappy/rude comeback to them. anyway - a better method is to go after their faulty reasoning. why do you think that? why do you think ___ is normal? so why do you think__? keep forcing them to explain themselves (by asking variations of "why" and making them repeat themselves) - and they will either realize they don't understand (which is better for everyone), or walk away in frustration (which should give you more pleasure than just making a snappy comeback.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I've had people flat out tell me several things: -autism doesn't exist -you can cure autism with (insert xyz hooey blooey bull crap du jour) -he doesn't have autism I always default to some variation of "Um, interesting, thank you, filing you in the round file over here..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 You can't fix those people. I'd most likely say, "Whatever you want to believe." And walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Yeah, "we work hard" is so much nicer than "what would you know?" It's best of all when those comments come from the child's other parent... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 My son comes across as perfectly "normal" and charming......until.......well, until he doesn't! I don't have much use for people like that, nor do I have the time to deal with it. We have plenty of people who love us and accept us for who we are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 "Oh, I didn't know you had been working on your PhD in psychiatry! Have you opened an office near your home or....?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Hugs. BTDT. Even from DH. Who has many of the same issues as the kids. And struggled horribly in school himself. I agree, though, that the snappy comeback is fun in my head but not helpful at all in the situation. I like the idea of just responding with "Why thank you! That is such a compliment, honestly! _____________ works so hard to get over the humps. I will have to tell him/her you said that. :) " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I am so sorry. I am in awe that people say that kind of thing to others. How in the world could they possibly presume so much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Most of the people who have said things like that to me have meant it in a positive way, they just worded it awkwardly. So I thank them and say it has been a long road to get to where we are. Then later I gripe to DH and tell him I KNOW they meant well but my initial reaction is to find a brick wall to beat my head against. That being said, I have had a few doozies. The most galling from my family. Evidently blood relation gives you the right to say whatever crosses your mind however ill informed or shitty it might be. Personally I am dreading the holiday family events this year because Bug has plateaued in his reading again just shy of the "I'm a reader" line. So help me if ONE person decides to tell me how Bug could read if I just pushed him harder or how he cries and curls up in the fetal position when stressed as a way to get away with things I may show them just how filter free I am on my current medication. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 It's awful. My boys have FASD which spins off into ODD, RAD, intellectual disabilities. . . .but they look "normal". They are 17 and 18. The world has expectations of them they can never meet. So they're often in trouble and under stress. It's so hurtful to hear ignorant comments. Often I just try and ignore them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Hugs to everyone, especially the OP. We live in an ignorant world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 What gets to me is when someone says a person IS special needs. Bobby IS special needs. No...Bobby is a person who happens to have a learning difficulty or something else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm sorry this happened to you and your kid/s. There is just no excuse for poor manners. This happened to me a few months ago - probably the beginning of this year. Here's the background: Dh and I found an alterations woman about 25 years ago. She was and continues to be very affordable. Light alterations that, which her 30+ years of experience, know-how, equipment, just makes a repair happen that much faster and nicer. A ripped seam, hole in a shirt, cutting and rehemming slacks for dh, etc. She moved from her "store front" building to working at home. It's quite a hike and so I gather what needs to be repaired and make the journey about 2-3 times a year. I try to take clothes that we don't need b/c it's the opposite season - now in fall and approaching winter I've taken summer garments to be mended, etc. I made one of those trips several months ago. Her husband is retired, I guess. She, N, and I talked as we do and catch up. In walks her husband and I do not remember the story he was sharing but he made reference to a person having epilepsy and seizing. He proceeded to shake and twitch his body as one would when convulsing. I was livid. My dd has controlled epilepsy. I remember when she convulsed. I remember all of it. Holding her in my arms. Reassuring her. Not mocking her. Who would do that? How cruel. Stunned as I was, I was just that - stunned. I didn't think to say anything and didn't want to cause an issue. His wife, N, much to my disappointment did not say anything. I do understand and it's very sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm sorry this happened to you and your kid/s. There is just no excuse for poor manners. ... Stunned as I was, I was just that - stunned. I didn't think to say anything and didn't want to cause an issue. His wife, N, much to my disappointment did not say anything. I do understand and it's very sad. Hugs! My dad, who has seen my child once every few years since birth, told me my child doesn't really have a neuromuscular disorder (a result of his premature birth) but is just physically awkward because I havent worked with him enough. I was way too stunned to even respond. Sadly, my siblings defended my dad - not because they believe what he said, but because "that is just dad being his old opinionated self." They didn't even get why they needed to stand up for me or why it was so hurtful that they didnt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 What gets to me is when someone says a person IS special needs. Bobby IS special needs. No...Bobby is a person who happens to have a learning difficulty or something else. I like to think this is just a case of poor grammar, and the speaker is really trying to say, "Bobby is a child with special needs." I try to give the benefit of the doubt when possible, and just assume that people are ignorant/try to provide education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 What gets to me is when someone says a person IS special needs. Bobby IS special needs. No...Bobby is a person who happens to have a learning difficulty or something else. It REALLY gets me when it's the parent(s) who say this. This happens quite often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm lousy at snappy comebacks, but I think I've mastered the stunned-silence/cocked-head/look-of-utter-disbelief that guilts people into recanting. It is sad that people don't think before they speak. Hugs OP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 What I did say was, "You don't live with my kids. Their issues ARE real." But my hackles were raised so I ended the conversation as fast as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I do try to encourage those I see with special needs kids. Once when I took myself to a movie there was a couple behind me with their son, who was autistic. After the movie I confirmed what I had thought and I let them know how well he had done. I figure we all need to encourage each other in public when we can! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Hugs! My dad, who has seen my child once every few years since birth, told me my child doesn't really have a neuromuscular disorder (a result of his premature birth) but is just physically awkward because I havent worked with him enough. I was way too stunned to even respond. Sadly, my siblings defended my dad - not because they believe what he said, but because "that is just dad being his old opinionated self." They didn't even get why they needed to stand up for me or why it was so hurtful that they didnt. Oh, I do understand that the fact nothing was said was indeed saying a lot. Hugs back to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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