Mango Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I'm a literature major. These books she's ripping are all my classical literature books, Great Expectations, Heart of Darkness, ....  The books are 20 some yrs old. But back in college I'd take then time to put clean lamiate on them so they're in fantastic shape.  This daughter does stuff like this frequenly--destroying my property. Books are just a part of the cycle.  She just got a whole bunch of new books. Although I'm tempted to rip on in half, since she hasn't stopped with me merely asking, I know that's not right.  Ugh. I'm sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I would make her replace them with her money. Tearing things up is not ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I am horrified, and want to say no touching of your books, EVER. As in, if she wants to read it, she can buy her own copy of it, or rent it from the library, or whatever.  However, it sounds like part of a bigger problem. Do you know why she destroys your things? Is it just your things? Is it malice? Carelessness because you're mom? You don't have to answer those questions, I was just thinking about it.  Either way, :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn121 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I am so sorry that your books are being damaged. I am at a loss as to why a 13 year old would do this. My 13 DD would never do this. If I have missed some background as to why this would be normal behavior for her I am sorry. To me this is UNACCEPTABLE behavior from that age and it would be a major issue in this house. She would be required to replace them and have extra household duties to perform to keep her hands busy and not destroying things. Â :grouphug:Â :grouphug:Â :grouphug:Â :grouphug:Â :grouphug: Â ETA: the above statements were made under the assumption this is a deliberate action not being careless. Carelessness would still be addressed but not on the same level. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I'm going to assume that there are issues and you're getting help and you just want sympathy, so... :grouphug:  That's rotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Â I'm sorry. That's got to be rough. I'm glad you're not retaliating, even though I understand the temptation. Hugs. I hope things even out and the two of you can find some peace. Â Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Are you talking about purposeful ripping? Â Or not being careful, breaking the spine and then having them fall apart because they are old? Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 People aren't equally gentle on books. Even though I'm not deliberately abusive in any way, I tend to be a little hard on paperbacks especially. For the sake of your relationship, please consider keeping the books you treasure on the shelf and for your own use only and go a different route for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Are you talking about purposeful ripping? Â Or not being careful, breaking the spine and then having them fall apart because they are old? Â Â :iagree: Â If she is just grabbing a book and tearing it in half like a toddler would, it is a completely different issue than someone who is naturally rougher on things than the owner, who can keep 20yo books in pristine condition. Â Asking because Diamond keeps things in perfect condition, and SweetChild can destroy things merely by looking at them. :glare:Â I spent their early homeschool years color-coding every pencil, crayon, marker, glue stick, etc. so they knew which ones were theirs- so Diamond could keep her things nice and SweetChild could color woith the broken crayons and mashed-down markers. And BabyBaby could just stay out of the fray. :coolgleamA: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Are you talking about purposeful ripping? Â Or not being careful, breaking the spine and then having them fall apart because they are old? This is my question. I was a lit major too. I have some literary analysis editions of certain books that I haven't let my kids use (like Heart of Darkness). I buy a cheap paperback or ebook version for them to use for school because they are harder on books as young teens than I was as a college student. If it was purposeful, then there would be *extreme* consequences in my house (and not tit for tat destroying her books, that would be childish). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 If she is just destroying things because they are yours, I assume you are dealing with bigger problems. Have you spoken to her therapist about this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Curious about purposeful ripping vs. old binding breaking down under the use of a less careful user. We have tons of books in our house. Honestly, the 2nd thing has been an issue here with the kids reading older books repeatedly. Even some of our early vintage Harry Potter books are even falling apart. But I'm ok with books aging and being well loved if they are being enjoyed.  Purposefully ripping book after book by a kid older than preschool age would be a HUGE problem and might lead to some family therapy and investigation into anger and rage issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 If she is just destroying things because they are yours, I assume you are dealing with bigger problems. Have you spoken to her therapist about this?  Curious about purposeful ripping vs. old binding breaking down under the use of a less careful user. We have tons of books in our house. Honestly, the 2nd thing has been an issue here with the kids reading older books repeatedly. Even some of our early vintage Harry Potter books are even falling apart. But I'm ok with books aging and being well loved if they are being enjoyed.  Purposefully ripping book after book by a kid older than preschool age would be a HUGE problem and might lead to some family therapy and investigation into anger and rage issues. I agree with both of these posts too.  I have some of my mom's old sci-fi books. I have purchased new ones for the kids to read because the books are just too fragile to be handled with anything except extreme care. Cheap paperbacks were made with cheap glue and cheap, lignin-heavy paper. They weren't necessarily built to last. But, purposeful ripping your books in half is completely shocking to me. Like I said, there would be *extreme* consequences and loads of discussion, if it was purposeful. I would put a deadbolt on my bedroom doors at that point and keep anything important to me in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Wrt old cheap paperbacks falling apart, I have some from my childhood (that were old when I got them), and though dd8 tries hard, they do fall apart on her - she just opens them too far for too long. A solution that's worked well is buying giant binder clips and clipping them on the spine to take the strain off the binding - makes it so dd8 can read them without inadvertently destroying them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Is your dd typically developing? It seems like there must be something more than she just decides to take you books and destroy them. Â If this is just a new offshoot of an ongoing problem you've been working on and gotten treatment for, :grouphug: , it must be very painful to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Consider a Kindle (with heavy duty warranty) for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I don't see any indication in the OP that this is anything but purposefully destructive behavior, so I'm not sure where people are getting the impression this may be accidental. How can someone accidentally rip books in half? OP, I hope you are seeking outside help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I don't see any indication in the OP that this is anything but purposefully destructive behavior, so I'm not sure where people are getting the impression this may be accidental. How can someone accidentally rip books in half? OP, I hope you are seeking outside help. We asked. Â The OP hasn't answered yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I don't see any indication in the OP that this is anything but purposefully destructive behavior, so I'm not sure where people are getting the impression this may be accidental. How can someone accidentally rip books in half? OP, I hope you are seeking outside help. Â Well, I asked because I know people who are *extremely* careful with their belongings, and are so sensitive about damage that a bent cover would be reported as "destroying" the book, a single mashed marker-tip is the equivalent of "ruining all of my markers" (since the set is now 'ruined' even if only one marker was slightly less perfect). So it's not a huge leap for certain people to see a cracked spine as being 'ripped in half.' Â Same way one person's "Racous madhouse" is another family's "Calmer day."Â KWIM? Â Edited to add: and if there is a history for this poster that makes it obvious that this is intentional behavior- sorry, but I don't memorize everybody's stories here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Â I don't see any indication in the OP that this is anything but purposefully destructive behavior, so I'm not sure where people are getting the impression this may be accidental. How can someone accidentally rip books in half? OP, I hope you are seeking outside help. I didn't see any indication either way (carelessness versus purposeful destruction)-that's why I wanted to know, and I gave two different answers to cover it. That kind of purposeful destruction of a parent's property would be pretty abnormal behavior from a teenager in my experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 They are older books.  Yes, she has a history of destroying my things. When she was younger it was my make Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I will say older paper back books with old, dried out bindings have literally fallen into pieces in this house so the question doesn't seem that odd to me. My DH has actually taken book binding and repair classes and he's gotten pretty good at fixing them! Maybe we're weird! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm going to assume that there are issues and you're getting help and you just want sympathy, so... :grouphug: That's rotten. Is your dd typically developing? It seems like there must be something more than she just decides to take you books and destroy them.  If this is just a new offshoot of an ongoing problem you've been working on and gotten treatment for, :grouphug: , it must be very painful to deal with. This would be my take too. You have a lot to deal with. I hope your family and financial circumstances allow you to get help. In my state/ county, there are some free intervention services -- people that will come to your house to help. The help is pretty extensive, from what I understand. But you have to know how to get the services, so it could take a number of calls. I hope there are similar services where you live. I mention this, because one of the things that will get a family immediate services is the type of destruction you are talking about. It is serious. I am sorry for what you are going through.  (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 They are old books, 20 yrs old.  My dd says they break whe she steps on them or tosses the like a frisbee.  Yes, there is a history. Its typically my things. :(  Yes, there's been intervention.  Thanks for your thoughts.  It's easiest to just blame it on the old bindings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 They are old books, 20 yrs old. Â My dd says they break whe she steps on them or tosses the like a frisbee. Â Yes, there is a history. Its typically my things. :( Â Yes, there's been intervention. Â Thanks for your thoughts. It's easiest to just blame it on the old bindings. I am so sorry. It sounds like a very difficult situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I would be incredibly upset by tossing my books (or ANYBODY's books) like a frisbee. I would have a nuclear freakout. I would be considering military boarding school. I'm not even joking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 :grouphug: Â It sounds like there is an underlying anger issue directed at you. With that much anger, I would wonder if the child has depression. I hope you are able to navigate this period safely for everyone in the family. Â I'm going to make a plug for you to take care of yourself. One of my dc went through teen years very badly. Over time it became clear that I had to stop viewing taking time to care for me as selfish. The big chunk of time I use alone is for exercise. Exercise curbs my anxiety. For you, there might be something different you have do to to renew yourself. Please make sure you set aside time and do it regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Definitely a "you break it, you buy it" policy. And you know, they have those really nice leather or leather-like classics editions now. She could get you those to replace it with and they'd handle frisbee treatment so much better. Â I am sorry...because I know it's really not about the books. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 (((Mango))) Sometimes books are like old friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 :grouphug:Â :grouphug:Â :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn121 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Thank you for the clarification. Again, I am so sorry. My books are like old friends to me. They should not be treated in such a manner. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 You said there's been an intervention... is she in regular counselling, then? If so, what do her therapists recommend? If not, is that an option for your family? It sounds like this is just a symptom of a very big problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Books stepped on, I would see as a carelessness issue. Â Book thrown as a frisbee - an anger issue? Â Ie. toss the book across the room in anger? Â Or an impulse issue? Â "I wonder what it would be like to throw a book like a frisbee? Â Carelessness and impulsiveness could be an AD(H)D issue that would warrant a neuro-psych evaluation. Â Anger issues could also be AD(H)D or could be it's own thing. Â But if you haven't done a neuro-psych evaluation, I would suggest one first just because that might narrow some things down for you. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm so sorry, Mango. I hope your dd is able to get the help she needs. This must be so hard on you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I would be incredibly upset by tossing my books (or ANYBODY's books) like a frisbee. I would have a nuclear freakout. I would be considering military boarding school. I'm not even joking.   Purposefully destroying and being careless with something that doesn't belong to her is the same as stealing it. If this is one of many examples of destructive and disrespectful behavior, I'd be considering military boarding school too, and when I've had a snotty teenager act in a similar way, I told them to go to their room and cool off, and when everyone was calm we had a heart to heart about acceptable behavior and I mentioned I'd always love them, but I was not going to accept behavior like that and I'd do anything it took to get them out of the habit up to and including military school. Behavior got better but I'm still not sure the structure wouldn't be better for this particular child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I would be incredibly upset by tossing my books (or ANYBODY's books) like a frisbee. I would have a nuclear freakout. I would be considering military boarding school. I'm not even joking. I think nuclear freakout pretty much sums up my feelings too. I can't imagine how I would react if my daughter did that. Actually I need to stop thinking about it because it makes me want to go in, wake her up, and yell at her. And I'm not a yeller. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 :confused1: I'm not quite getting a picture of what's happening, OP. At first I assumed that she was just a careless reader.  What do you mean by she steps on them? Like she takes them off the shelf, puts them on the floor and steps on them? One at a time? All of them? Or she'd read a book, leave it on the floor and then step on it? Maliciously in anger or just carelessly?  Is it like a tantrum sort of a behavior when she flings everything off the shelves? Or she'd sneak a book here and there and destroy it?  How do you react? If it is malicious, what does your therapist say?   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 They are old books, 20 yrs old.  My dd says they break whe she steps on them or tosses the like a frisbee.  Yes, there is a history. Its typically my things. :(  Yes, there's been intervention.  Thanks for your thoughts.  It's easiest to just blame it on the old bindings. Personally, I do not tolerate the kids stepping on books, and especially not throwing them. I knew a teacher once who was let go from her job for throwing a book. People can get hurt! I'm sad for you. I can sense your frustration. Praying that things get MUCH better by you finally discovering what the root issue is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I think you had better put the ones you love somewhere safe for now. I have no idea how to solve the underlying problem though. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 This thread is bothering me. Â Here are my thoughts. Â A 13 year old is still in process. Â They are going through puberty, their brain is changing, a lot is going on. Â Yes, they make decisions and have been making some decisions for years that can affect their thinking and their interaction with family members. Â But there are a lot of other things that can affect them too. Â Things like the AD(H)D that I mentioned up thread. Â Or hormonal or brain chemistry imbalances. Â I think it is imperative that a child who is having those struggles be evaluated by a good professional. Â I would start with the pediatrician and would get a referral to a neuro-psych. Â I would not immediately go to a counselor until a lot of organic causes are ruled out. Â A therapist can't catch or treat those. Â If organic causes are ruled out then I would go to a family counselor (or possibly at the same time) to help the child and the family and to treat dysfunctions in both. Â Â I would not retaliate against the child for things they've done whether it is by ripping their things or even giving consequences in anger or God forbid, sending them away. Â I might vent about wanting to do those things - we all reach our limits sometimes and blow off steam. Â But once I cooled off, I would realize that as the adult I need to do what is right and best for the child and none of those things are it. Â Yes, children need limits and consequences when they overstep those limits but those should be administered objectively and in love, not anger. Â There are times for boarding school - when a therapeutic school is found that will help the child more than they can be helped at home, for instance. Â Sending a child away because of anger that they ruined an object (and I love books too but a book is only an object - paper with some ink on it) that can be replaced is a huge overreaction. Â Sending a child away because they are careless or have an anger issue that has not been thoroughly evaluated makes me wonder if the adult has an anger issue because that is not an objective action. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Why is she doing this?  My son picks at books. He is 13, but he has Aspergers. We are working on the picking at the books and things have improved.  If she is doing it on purpose, I would come up with creative punishments. And I would ban her from the books. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Mango, if I were in your shoes, I would draw a common sense boundary, stand up for myself, and put my treasured belongings away where dd could not destroy them. Yes, you are in process with her, and although I have no idea the details, I'm assuming that you all are working on getting help for her. In the meantime, while you hope and trust that she will grow up and be healthy, there is no reason to lose keepsakes that are dear to you and sacrifice them to this version of her. You are important, and you do not need to sacrifice parts of what defines you to her whims. It will not do her any good to have you do so.  All the best to you, dear Mango. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Huh, that sounds like an odd thing for a 13 year old to be doing. I'd probably stop letting her use my prized books and get her cheaper used copies or an e-reader (with a chain so she cannot bring it far...LOL).  Sorry about that..   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Sometimes kids are better off outside of their home environment. If you have other kids to think about keeping safe, then that would be another consideration. I would never simply send a child away without testing, counseling, etc. I included steps I would take to keep belongings safe upthread. And the OP has stated that this is purposeful destruction NOT carelessness. I also received the impression that it *has* been thoroughly evaluated, but I don't really know for sure what has/has not been done. Â At some point, boarding school is something that I would consider. It wouldn't be out of an anger issue or *retaliation* simply because it entered the discussion, that's a pretty offensive assumption considering that I HAVE three teenagers living at home all of whom have passed the age of 13 without being "sent away." My dh attended boarding school for high school because he wanted to. He was better off outside of his home environment at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Basically what Sadie and Halftime Hope said. You are important. You matter. Your stuff is worth protecting while you work on what's behind it. A locking cabinet (like the kind you can buy at an office supply store), a set of lockers from the flea market or surplus store with a padlock, a footlocker, a locking three drawer file cabinet, a two door cabinet lock, etc. It's ok to put you first in this case. Â I'm sorry. What a tough thing to go through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Sometimes kids are better off outside of their home environment. If you have other kids to think about keeping safe, then that would be another consideration. I would never simply send a child away without testing, counseling, etc. I included steps I would take to keep belongings safe upthread. And the OP has stated that this is purposeful destruction NOT carelessness. I also received the impression that it *has* been thoroughly evaluated, but I don't really know for sure what has/has not been done.  At some point, boarding school is something that I would consider. It wouldn't be out of an anger issue or *retaliation* simply because it entered the discussion, that's a pretty offensive assumption considering that I HAVE three teenagers living at home all of whom have passed the age of 13 without being "sent away." My dh attended boarding school for high school because he wanted to. He was better off outside of his home environment at the time.  I did agree getting a child out of the home can be very helpful. I believe doing so has to be done with some agreement with the child. The child needs to be in a position to not feel rejected by the rest of the family, even if the rest of the family is tired and burnt out from the horrible behavior.  My oldest is quite quirky. Among other things he was very angry at us through his teen years. It was very difficult. There was no way we could have forced him to go away. Such forcing would have reinforced his belief that we didn't want him in the family anyway. Additionally, boarding schools have policies about behavior and running away. Some students will break rules just to be kicked out.  When ds was in 11th grade he thought he wanted to go to an academy. I knew there was no way he'd ever get in even if he managed to put together all the steps of applying (executive function is one of his problems). I found a military boarding high school that ran JROTC through the summer (many military boarding schools do not run JROTC in the summer) I showed ds the information and he said he wanted to go. Ds quickly learned he was one of very few cadets who wanted to be there. There were many who broke rules and ran away to get kicked out. That said, ds thrived and was very proud of the rank and awards he had achieved at the end of the summer. We offered to send him for his senior year. The answer to that was an emphatic NO.  So, we proceeded with a senior year that was H--- on everyone. Ds picked one college to apply to, NMMI. Ds was just 17 when he went to NMMI for his first year of college. By the time, we got on the plane we definitely needed the whole continental United States between us. Ds did not return to NMMI after that year. But the space helped tremendously. He just turned 20, life is far from perfect, but I am convinced the space (being away for a long time) that he chose helped a lot.  If you can't come to a place where the child has at least some desire to go to boarding school, I highly recommend starting with summer camps. When my dc were younger they went away to summer camp. ds started going away at 11; dd at 8. I sent them different weeks so that dd could have more of break. It was also good to have ds home with less distractions and more one on one time. Summer camp was very important to helping our family have some relief. Summer camp does not need to be expensive (boy scouts, church camps, in addition to other camps can be inexpensive, you do not need to go for places that cost $1000+/week). I haven't been able to send younger ds away because of his special needs.  Another thing to consider is one on one time with each child. It is very important. Oldest was never difficult if an activity revolved around him alone. Isn't that true of most kids. So, "dates" to get Viet Namese food, or movies, or go see a special exhibit he chose, or to the Lego Brick Fair were good. One summer ds and I went to 4 or 5 rock concerts at less expensive outdoor venue (during his "I'm going to be a heavy metal drummer" period when he was 13 or 14) I also made "dates" with dd. "Dates" with ds gave me a chance to see him as a great person to be around rather than as the cause of major strife in our home. So, the dates helped us keep a good perspective on him through a very trying period of years. I was frequently in pain those years, sometimes I was probably close to suicidal. It was very helpful to go on "dates" and see ds in a positive light having fun.  Anyway, I thought I'd give my personal perspective on "sending dc away". Other people might have handled things differently, but for us the times when we could send ds away did provide short, essential points of relief.  I will also reemphasize what I said in an earlier post. Take care of yourself. Getting a difficult child through very difficult teen years can destroy you mentally, emotionally, and physically. You need to be healthy for the rest of your family and you need to be healthy to have the strength to handle the difficult child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I like the idea of saying your stuff is important. I totally agree. But it sounds like this is targeted. If Mango locks up her books, while that might be a good idea, her dd is likely to take it out on something else. You can't lock up everything all the time. You don't want to live like that. Â A good intervention will go deeper and help solve this issue at the roots. If she's not in therapy and there isn't a consistent plan for dealing with this, then you need to get on that asap. Â I feel like the idea of her dd going away is a bit of a distraction to the main conversation. I agree that it can be helpful for certain kids, but I don't see that Mango said they were thinking about that. Without further information, I don't think it's the first stop solution, that's for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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