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Halloween Etiquette


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I've been shocked tonight by the number of kids coming to our door expecting to just hold out their bags and be given candy, or worse yet just reach out and grab it from the bowl in my dd's arms--without saying a word. Not little bitty kids, kids in the double digits in age. Uh-uh, guys, there is proper etiquette for every situation. If you are trick or treating, you have to say the words; no candy here if you can't be bothered by the traditional greeting/request/demand/whatever. Bonus points if you say thank you or something similar as you walk away.

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We heard trick or treat from pretty  much everyone, and some Happy Halloweens as well.  Thanks from all.

 

BUT we did have some kids who expressed displeasure with what we gave them, and a few asked if they could have something different.

 

This is not kid etiquette, but at least 2 moms told me that they throw out all the candy at the end of the night.  What?  I'll eat those Kit Kats if you don't want them.  What a waste.  I think if people don't want kids to get candy, why not come up with an alternate activity - or at least give the candy to someone else.  But trashing it? :confused1:

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We went to a church Trunk or Treat last year, as we usually do.

 

For many years, I have splurged on glow necklaces for each of the 150 children expected.  They can get candy from others, and I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!!!, so I budget for this annual expense.  I also hope a glow necklace makes them a little safer running around in the dark.

I was so disappointed last year when several children came around a second time asking for a second necklace when I knew there were still children arriving that had not yet received a first necklace.  The evidence was hanging from their neck, and I knew them because they are peers of my older daughter.  I knew I had seen them within the past hour.  I have never seen this in any of the past years we have passed out necklaces.

Once around.  And parents, please keep an eye on your kids.  This behavior is not impressive to we heathens.

This year, we took candy.

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I've been shocked tonight by the number of kids coming to our door expecting to just hold out their bags and be given candy, or worse yet just reach out and grab it from the bowl in my dd's arms--without saying a word. Not little bitty kids, kids in the double digits in age. Uh-uh, guys, there is proper etiquette for every situation. If you are trick or treating, you have to say the words; no candy here if you can't be bothered by the traditional greeting/request/demand/whatever. Bonus points if you say thank you or something similar as you walk away.

 

Yup.  Our first visitors today were older, held out their bags and stayed silent.  DH had answered the door.  He stood with the candy basket in hand, grinned at them welcomingly and persistently, and when they finally said the words, "Oh, hi!  Happy Halloween!  What neat costumes!" and on and on while handing out the goods.

 

The few that came to our door while the others were out were all polite.  When DD10 was answering the door there was one kid who was impatient, repeating insistently "trick or treat!" when she didn't get the handful delivered quick enough.  As a result, he got a smaller handful, since the time she was taking was in trying to grab as generously as possible.

 

I'm amazed at how dark our street is.  I think trick-or-treating is dying out rapidly where we are.

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Tonight we did the annual zoo event. The zoo is decorated up in full Halloween splendor, with trick or treat stations set up throughout. Crafts, bouncy houses, all the animals getting treats like pumpkins and Popsicles for the orangutans. It is cute!

 

BUT I have never seen so much rudeness. I just don't remember it ever being that way the last few years. Kids get in line and don't say anything. They get a large helping of candy (some giant candy bars even!), chips, bags of pretzels or drinks, all sorts of stuff. Big handfuls of candy at a time, and the kids were all loaded down...and I can't count the number of times I heard kids loudly and rudely complain about the kid in front or behind getting more or better whatever😳

I know you pay to get in, but really?!

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Every year my in-laws' neighborhood (places with several acres each) has a hayride trick-or-treating event scheduled for the weekend before Halloween.  That's usually a lot of fun, and the kids on the hayride trade or give treats back and forth between stops, so they all find homes for anything they don't want themselves.

 

Other than the hayride we only take our kids around our two streets (short ones).  The kids can't get through very much candy before the next candy occasion comes around, and DH will take anything they don't like to work and inflict it on people there.  His desk is the most popular.

 

Looks like this year he might have a lot of left-overs that aren't getting handed out at our house.  Very sparse participation this year.

 

 

 

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My daughter would only meow at the doors a couple years ago. She was 2.5 and dressed as a cat so I didn't insist on her saying trick or treat. Most people thought it was pretty cute.

 

We had miserable weather this year so we took the kids for pizza and arcade games instead of trick or treating. We left a bowl of candy on the porch and there were still a couple pieces left at the end of the night, so it appears no one stole all the candy like I feared would happen.

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I was surprised at how few trick or treaters we had this year. We usually get a lot.

What I hate are the greedy kids. I leave a cauldron of candy on the porch when we are eating with a please take one sign. There will always be one group shouting "yeah" and they clean out the bowl. So rude. So now I don't leave a full bowl.

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Please do take speech delays into account, lol. I know that isn't what you mean, though :)

Taking my 2 year old up, I smiled and said "he can't say trick-or-treat, but he can say hi!", prompted him to say hi, then I said thank you for him (as he can't say it), and prompted him to say "bye". 

DD13 took over helping my 5 year old remember Halloween etiquette (prompting "trick or treat" and "thank you").

 

I can kind of see where their confusion about how much to take comes in. About half of the houses we went to tonight just held out the bucket and prompted the children to "take some", which can be confusing for some children when they reach other houses that are actually "giving" it out.

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Another year of not a single trick or treater coming to our house/farm.  And this time it's just hubby and I having to eat that whole large bag of Hershey's Miniatures...

 

In the old days we used to have to divide it 5 ways (plus the boys had their own candy from trick or treating when they were young).  Then it was 4 ways.  Then 3.

 

I'll admit to missing the old days... they were worth far more than additional chocolate.

 

Enjoy the days while you have them!  ;)

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Super pleasantly surprised this year. Every single trick-or-treater has said thank you. Some had to be reminded by parents.

 

Lots more kids this year, already. Lots of littles. Wonder if our neighborhood is changing again. When we moved here, there were lots of families with middle and high schoolers. Maybe some of them are downsizing as their kids move into adulthood. :) So much fun to see the sweet little ones.

 

Lots of Spiderman! And Elsa!

 

Cat

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Yes, I think very young children can be excused if, in the craziness of Halloween Festivities, they forget to say "Trick or Treat" and  or "Thank you."  Also, room has to be made for the speech delayed kids and special needs kids.  A lot of us around here taught our babies and preschoolers to sign "thank you" before they could speak.  If the speech delayed kids did that I wonder if most people in the neighborhoods handing out candy would realize how polite the kids are being?

I noticed a few kids unsure of whether or not I was going to hand it to them or if they were supposed to grab it out of the bin.  I think I'll tell mine to assume it will be handed to her and if it isn't, to wait to be told to grab it directly from the container.

I live right next to tribal land. The border is a 5 minute walk from my front door. Sometimes the kids come from there to our neighborhoods to T or T.  They don't usually dress up and the verbal Halloween conventions are hit or miss with them.  Since it's not part of their culture and this neighborhood has only been here for 12 years, I don't expect them to know all the norms.  They come some years and not others.  They don't have paved or lit streets and the houses are VERY far from each other, so it makes sense that they come here.  It's often completely new to many of them, so I make allowances and don't expect them to have it all mastered.

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There's a lot going on for kids, a lot of excitement, and a lot to remember (only go where mom and dad say you can go, ring the door bell, say 'trick or treat', only take 1 piece, say thank you, be ready to explain your costume...).  And then there kids who are shy, or easily distracted, etc.

 

I know I always remind my kids to be pleasant, polite, and to always say "Thank You" but I'm sure that they didn't always handle themselves perfectly.

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Maybe I am getting old and everything seems cuter, but I had nothing but good here. Lots of tricker treaters, everyone seemed polite, and there was some massive cuteness. Then, about an hour and a half into it, just when I had run out of candy, it started pourng rain, forcing a very reasonably timed end to the evening.

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We have a glass front door and about 70% of the kids that came just stood on the porch and stared through the door at us. They didn't knock or ring the bell, just stared. It's a little disturbing! I was glad to close the blinds when we turned the light out! 

 

We did have one little girl, maybe three years old or so,  who walked up to the door and said "trick or treat" before  she rang the doorbell. She was so sweet, and hey, she rang the doorbell! 

 

 

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The high today was 93 degrees.  Some kids who've covered a lot of ground are sweating their face paint off.

 

The lady down the street is dressed as the wicked witch from Snow White and offering the kids a choice between a red apple or candy.  They all choose the candy but she throws in the apple in for good measure.  Brilliant!

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Little kids get a pass just for being cute :) it's the big ones from whom I expect politeness in addition to cute (or not so cute)ness. I suspect that some of them think saying "trick or treat" is too babyish, but I figure if they are too old for the phrase they are also too old to be out collecting candy :D We didn't actually refuse anyone candy, but if I was out there when the silent-snatch-and-run kids came by I didn't let them have the candy until they said the words. And if they forgot thank you I reminded them. I figure someone needs to teach them that politeness is not just for little kids...

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That's weird for a couple of reasons. Do the kids know? Why do that to them? Sounds like torture. Do the parents just lie about where it's going so the kids don't know someone else will get it? Either way it's kinda messed up. Especially to say that to the person that just spent money on candy.

 

In the families I've known who do this, the kids get to eat some amount of the candy (in one family it's five pieces, in another it's whatever you want but only on Halloween, but in one it's ONE PIECE out of a giant bag full). Then the rest you leave for the "Halloween Fairy" or the "Candy Fairy." The fairy comes in the night and takes it away and leaves you something else. A small toy or a book or something. And meanwhile the parents toss all the candy out.

 

It's bizarre to me though. If you don't like candy, don't trick or treat... right?

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In the families I've known who do this, the kids get to eat some amount of the candy (in one family it's five pieces, in another it's whatever you want but only on Halloween, but in one it's ONE PIECE out of a giant bag full). Then the rest you leave for the "Halloween Fairy" or the "Candy Fairy." The fairy comes in the night and takes it away and leaves you something else. A small toy or a book or something. And meanwhile the parents toss all the candy out.

 

It's bizarre to me though. If you don't like candy, don't trick or treat... right?

 

I can't like this enough, so I'll give it five stars. * * * * *

 

I get choosing not to trick or treat and finding an alternative.  I get organizing a Halloween party at your house where the treats are much more healthy and all the parents of the invitees contribute healthy snacks. I get handing out a small toy instead of candy when kids show up to your door if you just can't bring yourself to handing out sugar. I get restricting it through November at a rate of a few treats a day.

 

I don't get trick or treating and throwing the candy away, selling it back to the dentist for a dollar a pound or whatever the going rate is these days or giving it to the whatever fairy for toys. I don't get handing out healthy snacks to all the tick or treaters who show up at your door instead of candy on a candy centered holiday when candy giving is expected-a toy substitute being tolerated as the only exception.

 

I would like to note that I heard about one family with a kid who was allergic to everything and couldn't eat any candy because it would make him ill.  The parents bought a lot of small toys and gave one to each neighbor asking that the neighbors give the toys to the allergic kid on Halloween when he trick or treated at their doors. Well done.  Extra parenting points to them for finding a way to include the kid in a way that would bring the kid joy.

 

I would also like to note that most of the older children who did say "T or T" and "Thank you" added something like, "Have a good night!" or "I really like your decorations." or "Cool jack-o-lanterns." or something like that.  (I have about 60 luminaria all around the courtyard in the front of my house for warm, ambient lighting. )

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It makes me sad to think that ToT might be dying out some places. I was just saying to dh as we wandered down the street how excellent it was that everyone was outside and it was so crowded and so many people were so friendly and how communities need more of that.

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I'm not sure if a 6yr old is considered little, but I will say mine is usually well-mannered but something about seeing adults dressed up really weirds him out. It's like he knows it isn't really a pirate in one part of his brain, but in the other he isn't 100% sure. So he just acts really strange-which is sometimes rude. I'm guessing this thread is more about kids who are completely clear on what is real and not

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I would like to note that I heard about one family with a kid who was allergic to everything and couldn't eat any candy because it would make him ill.  The parents bought a lot of small toys and gave one to each neighbor asking that the neighbors give the toys to the allergic kid on Halloween when he trick or treated at their doors. Well done.  Extra parenting points to them for finding a way to include the kid in a way that would bring the kid joy.

 

Yes, that's sweet. And I know there's some Halloween allergies thing with a weird colored pumpkin that some people do, which is a cool alternative. But we know one family that goes to a different neighborhood to get a better candy haul (which I wouldn't usually object to because, whatever) that the kid can't eat because of allergies and food issues! And they seem proud of the "haul" that he gets... but can't eat. So they trash it. I'm so flummoxed by this odd, careless behavior.

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I am actually a bit grumpy about the number of people with their lights on and that didn't answer the door.  About 40% of the houses with lights on, didn't answer.  It was very disappointing to DD.  She is a 4.5 year old dressed as Cinderella, so it wasn't like they saw saw teenagers and decided not to open the door.  

 

I was also shocked at the small number of kids out.  Talking with the other parents we decided it was because it was Friday in Texas and the older kids were at the football game.  It seemed to be only small kids with their parents.  Which was actually nice.  Parents were coaching their kids and keeping them in line.  I even left a bowl of candy at the front door while we trick or treated and it was mostly still there.  DD was excited to hand out candy and she got to hand out to one little girl.  Some sullen middle schoolers, then a batch of high school girls one of whom made fun of the DD's little girl way of saying Cinderella.  Then I turned out the light.  

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Oldest just informed me that one woman told them they were too old to trick or treat.  :thumbdown: 

 

It was two 14 year old girls and one 12 year old. Dh asked how they responded and oldest said, "We just laughed. We didn't want to say something mean and ruin her day." I wish the woman who said it had as much restraint.

 

So, for us this Halloween all TOT's were nice and respectful but one of the adults needs some work.

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I am actually a bit grumpy about the number of people with their lights on and that didn't answer the door.  About 40% of the houses with lights on, didn't answer.  It was very disappointing to DD.  She is a 4.5 year old dressed as Cinderella, so it wasn't like they saw saw teenagers and decided not to open the door.  

 

I was also shocked at the small number of kids out.  Talking with the other parents we decided it was because it was Friday in Texas and the older kids were at the football game.  It seemed to be only small kids with their parents.  Which was actually nice.  Parents were coaching their kids and keeping them in line.  I even left a bowl of candy at the front door while we trick or treated and it was mostly still there.  DD was excited to hand out candy and she got to hand out to one little girl.  Some sullen middle schoolers, then a batch of high school girls one of whom made fun of the DD's little girl way of saying Cinderella.  Then I turned out the light.  

 

Yeah, for many it was the last district game or the big game to decide who's on top. There weren't as many here for the same reason.

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Well, my 7 and 10 year olds are so shy that saying " thank you" after receiving candy is a big step. I require them to say thank you and I'm not going to push the trick or treat part. I guess they were probably considered rude then. Just remember that you never know the situation behind the child.

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I'm not sure if a 6yr old is considered little, but I will say mine is usually well-mannered but something about seeing adults dressed up really weirds him out. It's like he knows it isn't really a pirate in one part of his brain, but in the other he isn't 100% sure. So he just acts really strange-which is sometimes rude. I'm guessing this thread is more about kids who are completely clear on what is real and not

Oh yes, the kids I noticed were well past six. If a six year old were acting shy or something I might prompt him gently, or might just say "Happy Halloween" or something about his costume. I'm not out to intimidate kids, little or big.

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I am actually a bit grumpy about the number of people with their lights on and that didn't answer the door. About 40% of the houses with lights on, didn't answer. It was very disappointing to DD. She is a 4.5 year old dressed as Cinderella, so it wasn't like they saw saw teenagers and decided not to open the door.

 

I actually just had this conversation at an event on Thursday evening. Several groups were discussing trick-or-treaters. Granted, many of them are older, but I was shocked at how many people did not seem to be aware of the general porch-light-on means we welcome TorT! Seriously, they were complaining about having to ignore their doorbell for the evening! I originally thought they were discussing that occasional knock or ring once the light was out, but no, they just had seemingly not heard of the custom.

So we took an informal poll and almost 1/3 had no idea.

I am wondering if this is more popular in certain areas, or if the Halloween alternatives have just made it less popular?

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Fewer T or Ters here than usual.  I think lots of them are at the mega church trunk or treat events and church carnivals.  Youngest was at a carnival at her Tae Kwon Do school from 4:30 to 6:00.  I'm glad the school realized many of them would want to T ot T too, so they scheduled accordingly.

 

My kids don't T or T in their teens.  They go to parties, supervise little sister T or Ting or they hand out candy.

We have the opposite problem here.  Some kids will ring the bell or knock even though all the lights are off on the front of the house, in the front rooms of the house and all the jack-o-lantern candles and luminaria candles are out.  I just had to put up a sign on the door that reads, "Out of Candy.  See you next year!" and one on the door bell that reads "Out of Candy."  I bet we still get at least 1 kid who tries anyway.

Last herd of kids had 1 particular brat.  She was about 7.  She reached into the bin to grab the candy and I gently guided her hand away with mine.  I put the candy in each kid's bag and then asked her if she had a bag.  She said, "No" so I handed her two candies.  She yelled, "But I want Cheetos!" Since I had already given the candy to her I said cheerfully, "You get what you get."  instead of saying, "I don't give candy to children who are rude to me." There was one kid standing right behind her patiently waiting his turn and the kids next to her said "Thank you!" and walked away.  She turned around and yelled in the kid's face behind her, "You're in my way!  Move!"  I put my hand on her shoulder and directed her around him as I said matter of factly, "Or you could just go around him."  She was screaming like a toddler as she left. Bad parents.  If your kid has such a hard time with normal social situations, you should be right next to her the whole night troubleshooting and directing her.

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My dd 19 helped me hand out candy tonight and we both agreed that it seems like kids are getting less and less polite. We had so many kids (I'm talking 8-12 year old range) who didn't say trick or treat or thank you. We knew many of them so it wasn't due to speech delay or shyness. Another problem was kids wanting more or different kinds of candy. One girl seemed pretty disappointed that we didn't have skittles. We were giving out 3 pieces of candy (fun sized bars) which I think is plenty. We live in a subdivision that has well defined boundaries. It is doable to go to all the houses in the subdivision. When my ds was younger he would do this and end up with 150 pieces of candy easily-probably more. I'm surprised that these kids seemed disappointed with 3 pieces of candy.

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Well, my 7 and 10 year olds are so shy that saying " thank you" after receiving candy is a big step. I require them to say thank you and I'm not going to push the trick or treat part. I guess they were probably considered rude then. Just remember that you never know the situation behind the child.

 

They were probably not considered rude if they got the thank you in. My oldest is 18 so I've been doing this a loooong time.  I think kids are getting ruder (or getting less instruction on etiquette from parents) over all. I don' t think there's a sharp increase in special needs or shy  kids in the last 10 years.

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I was just commenting on how this was the most polite group of trick-or-treaters I remember!  They were all ages -- young children into the teens, they all had costumes on, they were from all different types of neighborhoods, and they all said please and thank you or various forms of that.  :)

 

 

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I never knew about the porch light thing until I moved further south. I think it's a great way to let people know if you are passing out candy.

 

I actually just had this conversation at an event on Thursday evening. Several groups were discussing trick-or-treaters. Granted, many of them are older, but I was shocked at how many people did not seem to be aware of the general porch-light-on means we welcome TorT! Seriously, they were complaining about having to ignore their doorbell for the evening! I originally thought they were discussing that occasional knock or ring once the light was out, but no, they just had seemingly not heard of the custom.

So we took an informal poll and almost 1/3 had no idea.

I am wondering if this is more popular in certain areas, or if the Halloween alternatives have just made it less popular?

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I have a question - being a non-halloween country. 

 

I was surprised to see a US based friend posting on facebook that she was loading up the kids to take them to the "better ToT neighbourhood" and then commented that richer people have better treats.  I thought the point was that this was a community thing - so kids form your neighbourhood that you at least know vaguely from around and about, visit the places you can walk to from hom sort of thing?  Do people really take their kids to different areas for more loot, or is it just my friend?

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We had nothing but pretty decent kids. Some say trick or treat. Some say happy halloween. Some just smile, bite their lip and hold their bag out. Most say some form of thank you.

 

The only rude person we had was a grandma. She, her daughter, and her grandkids all came up. Chit chatted a bit. The daughter and kids were just fine and please and thank you cuteness. Then as grandma is walking away she says, "oh I better get mine." And reaches into the bowl my dh is holding and pulls out two fistfuls, stuffs her pockets with it and walks off.

 

We're assuming she was a few skittles shy of a full bag. :)

 

Oh while out trick or treating, one house was giving out chick tracts. :/ I shaved a year or so off my time in purgatory by NOT egging and TPing their house. ;p

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