A kid who wants to go to school because she feels like she'll be more motivated to work

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

OK, this is somewhat related to my "holding back" question. DD12 is talking about going to PS because she feels like she'll get a better education there--not because she thinks I can't do the job, but because she thinks the increased accountability to outside teachers and visibility among other students will force her to do her work more efficiently/effectively.

 

She does have a point. She's a very unmotivated student--very bright, very intelligent, but simply uninterested in schoolwork, even though she wants to go to a good college and is looking forward to college. She has a lot of goals but no actual interest in doing the legwork to achieve any of them. I push her to do her work, and I've told her repeatedly that I can get her to a good college, but that she has to work WITH me rather me driving her with the carrot and the stick all the time. There's only so hard I can push before it starts to hurt our relationship, YKWIM?

 

So she's thinking that if she goes to PS, this problem will be resolved. It reminds me of the person who joins the gym thinking that because they paid $600 for the membership, it will motivate them to actually work out. She might be right. I don't know.

 

WWYD with this kid? I'm willing to do the hard work of pushing her through, but I don't know if that would do more harm than good in the long run. Are there other options here? Any BTDT advice?

 

Thanks *sigh*

[wintermom]

I'd probably send her to school. It doesn't have to be forever, but if she is taking the initiative to ask for it, and the reasoning makes sense, then it's worth trying. My ds 12 asked for this exactly, so did my friend's dd at around the same age. Both dc are doing very well at school and thriving. They are getting just what they wanted, and are rising to the challenge. Both myself and my friend are totally ready to resume homeschooling if they wanted to, but they haven't so far.

[OneStepAtATime]

(FWIW, I responded on your other thread.)  

 

If you sent her to school, what grade level would she go into?

 

FWIW, my kids really appreciate homeschooling more because they started in a brick and mortar school and remember the long hours, the constant work, etc.  

 

Look at it this way, if she wants to go and is motivated to do so, maybe this will be a really good match for her.  Maybe she will be very motivated.  If she gets there and it isn't working out, then you know you can homeschool.  It isn't an untried idea.

 

I will say this, though, based on friends whose children wanted to go to ps:  If you choose this course of action, don't pull her out the minute she has a bad day.  Make sure she knows this is a commitment.  Unless there is a safety issue, bullying, something like that, I would make sure you are both committed to having her stay the course for at least a while (months or the completion of a school year or something).  Why?  Because ALL kids have bad days.  She may come home depressed/upset, absolutely certain she made a terrible mistake, begging you to homeschool again.  You pull her out but actually she was just having a bad day.  Now she wants to go back.  She misses her friends.  She wishes she hadn't stopped going.  What do you do?  PS will take time to adjust to for both of you.  Make the commitment so you don't end up yoyoing and doubting every time she has a less than stellar day.

 

Best wishes.

[Coco_Clark]

Why not try some online courses? That could provide the outside motivation while still at home.

[OneStepAtATime]

Why not try some online courses? That could provide the outside motivation while still at home.

I agree, this might work.  Landry Academy has some classes that are being offered for the Spring.  Unfortunately they will be at full price at this point.  Currclick might have something.  And there are many other options....

 

What about co-ops in your area?  

[EmseB]

Your daughter (or what you've posted today) reminds me of me.

 

PS provided me exactly the opposite of what your daughter is wanting to acheive by going there.  I was a fairly bright kid and I learned how to pass all my classes with the minimum amount of work (which is a very, very low minimum, because it seems the goal is to graduate or pass as many kids as possible), and it absolutely destroyed my ability to learn how to learn, or to learn for enjoyment.  I was a very unmotivated and smart kid.  I learned to surf in all my classes because of this.  I didn't have to work to learn the stuff and could do a minimum of homework and halfway study for the tests and still get at least B's.  The exception was my senior year when I declined to show up a lot of the time, but even then I passed everything.

In my mind, sending a kid like me to a public school is going to acheive the opposite of what you and she want.  It is not a place where motiviation and ambition abound, especially starting in middle school and especially in high school.  I should say that there were motivated and smart kids working hard, but I never felt compelled to put the effort in just because they did.  And my school was not necessarily lacking -- we lived in a town with a very competitive state school that helped with providing a lot of extra curriculars and advanced programs.  I was expected to go to college and thought it would be "fun", but the learning part of things didn't really enter in to that equation for me.

 

I think your analogy of joining a gym is spot on.  Just like joining a gym, as a student I felt at the beginning of every single year that this would be the year I would shape up, and these would be the classes that I would really take an interest in and really learn.

 

On the other hand, I could just be projecting too much.  :tongue_smilie:

Honestly, though, I think I would have done better in school if I had been "held back" a year around 6th grade (I have an early October birthday and was younger than almost all of the kids in my grade).  I don't know how to explain why it was overwhelming because academically I could do the work (if I wanted to), and socially I was a little immature, but at the same time could hang out with older kids (like on swim team or at church) easily.  But it was just...a lot ot take in or something and looking back I think an extra year would have helped.  Of course, in PS it takes a huge amount of impressive failure to hold a kid back when they are in 5th or 6th grade, so on I went!

[redsquirrel]

I have seen that work for other families for sure. However I haven't seen it be the motivation of the student, but of the parents, lol. And in those couple of cases it....worked. The kids did do better in a school environment where they answered to someone other than their parents.

 

Maybe she knows what she needs?

[Momto4inSoCal]

Im sort of in the same situation with my daughter wanting to go back. She went to k,1 and 2 at a public school and did 3rd and now 4th at home. She also feels like she will do better and we live in a really good district. I have no plans of putting her back. She is really quiet at school and does what she is told. Her report cards were really good, she had even won student of the month for being trustworthy and diligent. I really think in the end that hindered her education because after she was home I realized there was a lot she didnt understand. I think because she was quiet her teacher didn't realize how much she was missing. She couldnt tell time or count money, she didnt know any math facts, language arts was so so. They also don't really teach science or history in elementary in CA. They touch on it once a week. I guess every family has to make their own choices and there are days (like today) when I really want to go enroll her but overall for us I feel that the benifits of homeschool outweigh the benifits of PS.

[LLMom]

I put all of my kids into school and the 3 unmotivated ones have done so well.  They work hard to get their work done and on time.  They don't want to get low grades, they are super organized. That type of "peer pressure" (not to look dumb/get singled out) helps a lot of kids.  Kinda makes me sad that they didn't want to put in the effort for me, but I have realized that some people need the challenge of working with other students and having a different accountability person. 

[SevenDaisies]

Why not try some online courses? That could provide the outside motivation while still at home.

This is working for my oldest. She's bright, but unmotivated. The classes only meet once or twice a week, but she wants to answer the questions and read her papers, so she prepares. I like that I still get to choose the curriculum, and I can still be involved the days she is not attending class.

 

I plan to enroll her in more classes next year. You may be able to find some semester courses that begin in the new year, and some might allow late fall registrations.

 

That said, ps may provide similar motivation.

[Farrar]

I think she may be right... I just also question the wisdom of putting a child in middle school. Any child. It's just the worst period of schooling and the worst organized, the worst socially, the biggest waste of time in terms of academics and busy work. Is there any way to instead make a plan with her - maybe using online classes and co-ops and so forth - for her to begin in high school instead?

[FO4UR]

I sort of have the opposite issue. My 11yo has little self-motivation, lacks organizational skill. He wants to do well in school, but the day-to-day grind...is a grind.  He has zero interest in going to school, but I've thought about sending him merely for the executive function aspect.  I won't send him b/c the academics would be "ugh!" in more than one way (CC and dyslexia...).

 

Outsourcing sounds like a good idea right now.

[Arcadia]

So she's thinking that if she goes to PS, this problem will be resolved. It reminds me of the person who joins the gym thinking that because they paid $600 for the membership, it will motivate them to actually work out. She might be right. I don't know.

It depends on her personality. Has she attended any outside classes and how has that work out?

 

The thing about gym membership is that you also should sign up for the free classes :) Then you feel "pressure" to show up. I'm a slacker and having group swim lessons as a kid push me to swim well (16 laps non-stop on an Olympic size pool).

 

My kids assigned PS is crabby this year and we couldn't get the school we prefer through open enrollment. What we did was to put our kids into outside classes. The thing is my older has a track record since he was 2 years old of performing much better in a small class size classroom. He does better in a group music or swimming class then in a individual music or swimming class. (Does save us money unintentionally since individual rates is pricier)

 

If PS is okay, let her try out for next term. If PS is not okay and you can afford it put her in one or two outside class to try out.

[wapiti]

I think it's a sound reason (and FWIW, my three older kids would definitely agree with that reason - they all attend school and our afterschooling math has more or less relocated itself to the classroom by tricky arrangement with teachers and administration).

 

I'd at least explore the available school options so that the advantages and disadvantages of homeschool vs particular schools can be weighed in a concrete way (including the academic and social fits).

[Another Lynn]

I think she may be right... I just also question the wisdom of putting a child in middle school. Any child. It's just the worst period of schooling and the worst organized, the worst socially, the biggest waste of time in terms of academics and busy work. Is there any way to instead make a plan with her - maybe using online classes and co-ops and so forth - for her to begin in high school instead?

 

:iagree:   I would look into her options for highschool (does the local school have programs, activities that would be a good fit?  how much are local private schools?  what is their culture like?  their coursework?  their extracurriculars?  etc).  But I would do anything I could to avoid school prior to highschool.  Jmho. 

[Pawz4me]

Oldest DS's main reason for deciding to go to our local school for high school was that he felt he needed more competition from other high achieving kids to spur him to do his best.  He was never an unmotivated student.  He really enjoys learning.  But he felt the competition would up his game even more.  And it turned out very well.

[GrammarGirl]

I think it depends on your original reasons for homeschooling. If you homeschool for philosophical reasons, don't compromise. If you do it for academic reasons, then maybe going to school would be the better option. I would write out the goals you have for your child and how homeschooling v.school compare in meeting the goals. I think educational choices should be made with the long term in mind. Choose whichever option will be best in the long run.

 

As a classroom teacher, I have my doubts that ps will motivate. Plenty of teachers are content to let unmotivated students continue down a path of laziness. Also, in school there will be quite a few distractions from academics: cliques, boys, activities.

[Tidbits of Learning]

OK, this is somewhat related to my "holding back" question. DD12 is talking about going to PS because she feels like she'll get a better education there--not because she thinks I can't do the job, but because she thinks the increased accountability to outside teachers and visibility among other students will force her to do her work more efficiently/effectively.

 

She does have a point. She's a very unmotivated student--very bright, very intelligent, but simply uninterested in schoolwork, even though she wants to go to a good college and is looking forward to college. She has a lot of goals but no actual interest in doing the legwork to achieve any of them. I push her to do her work, and I've told her repeatedly that I can get her to a good college, but that she has to work WITH me rather me driving her with the carrot and the stick all the time. There's only so hard I can push before it starts to hurt our relationship, YKWIM?

 

So she's thinking that if she goes to PS, this problem will be resolved. It reminds me of the person who joins the gym thinking that because they paid $600 for the membership, it will motivate them to actually work out. She might be right. I don't know.

 

WWYD with this kid? I'm willing to do the hard work of pushing her through, but I don't know if that would do more harm than good in the long run. Are there other options here? Any BTDT advice?

 

Thanks *sigh*

 

School can be a great motivator especially if the student gets put in honors/ap courses that are challenging.  My dd never did a great job at home with school even though she was very bright.  She is doing great in high school now and has the added bonus of being on jv soccer and starting newspaper next semester.  

Her being home was hurting our relationship.  Our relationship is much better now.